


Second looks

by MindyMN



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, Also smart Barry, Anyone can die, Attempt at humor but seriously if you want to laugh this is not for you, Barry believes in Oliver, Bisexual Barry, Bisexual Oliver, Depression, Doing everything he can to crush Oliver's walls, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Harry is definitely shipping it, Hatred at first, Hurt, Keeping himself at distance, Loss, M/M, Mentally weak and vulnerable, My Writing Gets Better With Time, OOC Oliver, Oliver is being mean, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smart Oliver, Sorry if this is too lame or cheesy or cringy sometimes, Still not sure about that death, Teasing, They are utterly blind when it comes to feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2018-09-08 09:32:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 267,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8839474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindyMN/pseuds/MindyMN
Summary: Barry got fired from his work and now his dream is coming true, when Harrison Wells offers him a job at S.T.A.R. Labs. And the best part of that is he is going to work with his team: Cisco, Caitlin, Felicity and brilliant-minded Oliver who has eidetic memory, but is also missing something more important; his heart. Can Barry make his stone heart beat again?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, let’s just say a few things before you begin to read this story. Oliver and Barry's backrounds are going to be slightly different. I hope I will update regurarly, but as I know myself very well, there are going to be some ups and downs, unfortunately. I would also gladly say, that this is my first fanfiction about these two and also about two men together, so I hope you will like it. And I would gladly apologize for any grammar errors, because with me there is always a possibbility there will be a lot of them., considering the fact that English is not my first language. But still here's hoping you will understand. And an important fact is also that in this story the Green Arrow, the Flash or other superhero roles don’t exist. They are perfectly normal, no „five years on a hellish island“ no „struck by lightning“ or anything. OK, I think that’s it, so enjoy :).

„What?! You are firing me?! You’ve gotta be kidding me“ Barry said hysterically, not believing this was happening.

„Considering your late arrivals, if you care to honor us of your presence at all, and your not so professional behaviour, you really think that I am?“ captain Singh replied.

„So you’re going to get rid of me just like that? After all that happened?“ Captain Singh sighed, rubbing his eyes he later said: „Look, Allen. I know that you don’t have it easy. Loosing a mother as a child is something, that will never leave you and I get that. I know that your father being held in prison for her murder had to make some impacts on you as well. But it was all like that before and you had no problem at work.“ Barry just sat there, refusing to look at him, not saying a word, but captain Singh could clearly tell he was angry and pissed off of everything, but he made that decision and he wasn’t going to change it.

„And I understand that what happened then was just too much for you. Life hasn’t been tolerant to you and when it happened I gave you every inch of time you needed, but you came to me and reclaimed, that you were OK and could get to work without any problem. I was skeptical, I’m not going to hide that, but I ignored that and let you work. Even when you started to be a total douche at work, I was doing my best to let it go. However, it’s been two years Barry and I think it’s time to get back to reality.“

„Look, captain, I know I’ve been acting badly, but I can change that. I will be here on time every day, I will work hard as before, I promise. Just give me last chance. Please,“ Barry said showing his miserable face thinking back about what happened two years ago.

„You see, here’s the thing; I don’t believe you, Allen. Because if what you are saying was true, you would do something about it before. I don’t actually believe you want to work here anymore, Allen. It just reminds you of her every day and that’s why you are refusing to come here as many times as you should. I think that this change of work in your life could be really good for you. And I know that I’m the last person you probably want to hear these words from, but you need to accept what happened and move on. You are not the only one in this world or in this city or even in this building who had it rough. You are a smart kid, Allen, you will find yourself a new great job in no time and who knows, maybe you will once thank me for firing you today.“ Barry looked at him with a non-believing look on his face. „And what if not?“ Captain once again sighed and drank from his cup of coffee.

„Then I will accept that I fired the amazing Barry Allen and destroyed his life like no one else before. I cursed him with all my might, but even after that I will move on, because there would be no other thing I could do. You should take an example from me,“ he smiled sarcastically, but Barry didn’t return him that smile. Not a word came from his mouth, he just simply nodded and refused to fight for his rights. He then stood up saying his farewells to the man in front of him and went to his lab to pack his things. There wasn’t much to pack, though, so when he was finished he headed to the main exit. It was no surprise for him, that he met Joe before he could leave the building.

„Hey, I’m sorry, Barry. I tried to change his mind, but he refused to listen to me,“ Joe spoke up.

„Don’t apologize, Joe. Singh was right, this is all on me and I need to accept that, move on and find myself a new job,“ Barry quoted his former employer.

„I’m sure you won’t have any problem with that, you are a brilliant kid and this town knows that, so when everyone finds out that you are searching for a new job, offers will appear.“

„Well, thanks, Joe, but unfortunately, I don’t have the enthusiasm and belief like you do. However I’m going to try,“ Barry slightly smiled and left the building. When he was outside he gave it the last look, saying his farewells to this chapter of his life, afraid of what might come next.

* * *

 

It’s been a couple of weeks since he got fired and since then he haven’t found himself a new job. He was turned down everywhere he went and no one had an explanation for that. It was like the fate or God didn’t want him to get these jobs and Barry started to be really depressed about that. His self-confidence was slowly fading and both Joe and Iris saw that. They tried to help him, but he refused saying that this was all his mess, and that he was going to fix it. However, Barry soon after that stopped going outside. For him there were no reasons to go to see the outside world. No one wanted him, so why should he bother to show up at all? Joe was laughing a little at that thought, because this feeling was the reason why he got fired in the first place and now this was happening all over again. Yet Barry denied that and stopped talking to him after that. He kept himself at distance, because he envied them. Both Iris and Joe had perfect jobs, Joe was helping people like Barry always wanted and Iris had the job of her dreams. Barry didn’t have that luxury no matter how hard he tried. And it had a huge impact on his life. He stopped taking care of himself. There was no longer a point in that. He ate a very little, took shower even less and his apartment turned into a dump. It couldn’t be worse, so Joe made up his mind and came to a decision it had to stop.

It was Saturday morning when Joe came to Barry’s apartment and knocked on the door. As always no one was answering, but Joe wasn’t dumb, he knew that Barry was inside. Yet he was still worried of what he was going to find inside. And considering the fact, he knew Barry so well, his worries were justified.

„Barry, I know that you are in there, so please open the door,“ Joe spoke up with a calm voice, but he didn’t get any answer.

„You’ve been there for too long and it is time to come out, son.“ Still no answer came and Joe was starting to be little annoyed and also he was really quickly running out of patience. So he gave it the last try.

„Barry, I’ve been a cop before you were even born. If I wanted to I could break through this door without any sweat and you know who would have to pay for that,“ he said now with a little upset voice. Barry noticed that and after a few moments Joe heard footsteps behind the door. And what was behind this door was even worse than he imagined. Barry’s messy hair proved that times that he took shower could be counted by one hand. The circles under his green eyes didn’t help him either. And the same could be said about his clothes. Torn dirty t-shirt and an underwear didn’t make Joe believe that Barry was OK. And the fact that Barry after not so long time lost some weight made it all even worse. Normal people wouldn’t see that, but Joe was very observant when it came to this. Barry was slim even before and the thought he would lose more was troubling Joe. But he was glad, that he came in the right time.

„Oh my god,“ was all he said to Barry, who refused to look into his eyes. He was ashamed of what he had become; a total looser who wasn’t even capable of finding himself a new job. He had a good job and he screwed it up. It was no mystery he hated himself for that. But he refused to say anything to Joe. He just couldn’t right words to vindicate his doings and decisions, because he no longer believed they were right either. However he wished Joe would begin with the talking thing. It didn’t matter to him if he shouted or not, at least Barry wouldn’t be the one who needed to begin and Joe saw that in his eyes. With a big sigh coming from his mouth he started talking: „This needs to stop, Barry.“ After that he simply passed through the open door into Barry’s apartment not thrilled about what his eyes saw there. The trash and the expression it looked like after an explosion was one thing, but the dark everywhere because of the covered windows and a stale air was another thing, which made Joe even more upset. He quickly came to te windows, uncovered them and opened them so some air would find its way there. With the light finally there Joe could see how miserable it all looked and Barry didn’t react to the light from sun so well. He immediately covered his eyes and moved to the windows to do that with them as well, but Joe stopped him before he even made any move.

„Don’t even think about that,“ he said in a little threatening voice, but he was just worried, he didn’t wish to hurt Barry in any way. But he needed to make sure this wasn’t going to continue. Barry turned away from the light and laid on the couch covering himself with a blanket. Because of the mumbling and grumbling which were coming Barry’s mouth Joe let himself smiled a little and sat beside his son. Even when he wasn’t biologically his, he was one for him and honestly he couldn’t ask for a better one.

„Can’t you just leave me here? I was doing fine in here by myself for now,“ Barry said.

„It seems like the word ‚fine‘ has a different meaning to you than to me. Did you really think that I would never come here and do something about it?“

„Of course I did think about it, but I always hoped that it wouldn’t be today.“

„Well, it is today, which means you and I are going to have a coffee together just like old times.“

„Joe, I don’t think I’m so old, that I could do some things and refer to them as ‚just like old times‘.“

„But I am, so you will do me the honor and go with me.“

„You see, there’s the problem here, Joe; I don’t really want to.“

„Like I care, Barry. You are now going to take a shower, get dreassed to something appropriate and then you are going to get your ass out there to the CC Jitters,“ Joe said with a strong demanded voice. And to that Barry couldn’t said anything. He stood up and with another grumbling comments he went to do as he was told. Meanwhile Joe did his best to made from a dump, where he was standing, a home again. There was much to do, but Joe was very quick in these things so doing the dishes wasn’t the big deal for him. And the same could be said about cleaning the mess in the rest of the apartment. He collected pieces of used clothes and put them into washing machine. After that he collected all trash he could find and put them aswell to their righful place. And when Barry came out of his bathroom fully prepared to leave this place, everything was taken care of and Barry couldn’t believe his own eyes. It was like nothing ever happened.

„How did you...?“ Barry started astonished, but Joe interupted him: „What? This? That was nothing. You are underestimating me, Barry,“ Joe looked serious like he was still upset, but it didn’t take long until Barry broke into a laughter and Joe soon joined him. „I would never dare,“ Barry said with a smile.

„Not exactly the best way how to save it, but OK, I forgive you. Shall we go?“ he asked and pointed to the doors. Barry simply nodded and they both headed to the CC Jitters, their favorite coffee shop.

* * *

 

„You know I always wondered why you didn’t work here. I think they would accept you considering the fact they accepted Iris,“ Joe smiled. Barry looked at him annoyed and replied: „Yeah, very funny. But you know you once told me, that I was a brilliant kid and that finding a new job wouldn’t be any problem for me.“

„And this statement would be right if you looked more and maybe let others help you,“ Joe said as they were standing in queue at Jitters.

„That’s not true. I looked into everything,“ Barry protested and suddenly Joe’s phone started to ring. „Oh, I need to take that, but when I return I want to hear the truth from your mouth finally,“ Joe said and took his call elsewhere. Barry, still unsure of what Joe might have meant, just stood in queue waiting on his turn. And when his time came he ordered two coffees, paid for them and started to look for a table. However, he was still deeply in his thoughts because of what Joe had said and that made him oblivios to other people or objects. Thanks to that he crashed into someone and one of his coffees ended up on this man’s clothes. When Barry realized that he started to apologize immediately, but it was still done and he couldn’t take it back.

„Oh god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you,“ Barry started putting the other coffee on the table nearby and taking napkins to minimize the damage he did.

„I bet you are,“ man said annoyed of all the things that were happening to him these times. He was just clearly having bad luck for no reason. It was that time, when Barry noticed his voice sounded familiar to him. He looked at his face and his cheeks reddened when he realized to whom he bumped today.

„You are Doctor Harrison Wells, aren’t you?“ Barry said with a shaking voice.

„Apparently I am,“ the man replied. Barry couldn’t believe it. The owner of S.T.A.R. Labs was standing right in front of him. Since Barry was a child he wanted to be just like Harrison Wells. That has always been his dream. _And now I finally met him... and I spilled a coffee on him. Oh my god, I spilled a coffee on him,_ he thought to himself, horrified of what he did.

„Barry Allen, I’m a big fan,“ Barry said with an awkward smile and when he saw Doctor Wells didn’t return it, his smile quickly disappeared.

„Charmed,“ Harrison replied sarcastically, obviously not being in any mood to socialize. That left Barry confused, because he had no ide what to do now. He wanted to ask so many questions, but the fact he just made such a perfect first impression wasn’t giving good cards to his hands. That was the reason why was Barry so happy and relieved when Joe made his way back there to him.

„What happened here?“ Joe asked shocked when he saw Barry standing there shaking like someone was dying.

„It’s nothing, Joe. I’m alright. Just a coffee attacked me, I guess, with a help of your foster son here,“ Wells replied. Barry was shocked when that words came form his mouth. He wasn’t aware that legendary Harrison Wells knew him at all. Barry’s cheeks reddened again, considering the fact that this moment was by the time even more awkward.

„But I must say, he made quite an impression,“ Wells said sarcastically.

„Yeah, I believe he did,“ Joe agreed looking at Barry, who was red of embarrassment more than Joe had ever seen.

„How is possible, that you know who I am?“ Barry finally found some words, although he said it in shaking voice, still amazed by the man standing in front of him.

„Everyone who have that _luxury_ to call Joe his friend is well aware of your existence, Barry Allen,“ Wells replied with a little smile.

„So you knew who I was before I said my name?“

„And would it help if I told you that I did?“ Barry then thought about it a little, considering everything and he came to a result, that it would probably made him feel worse. So he shook it off.

„And how do you know each other?“ Barry asked.

„It started with one robbery at S.T.A.R. Labs and continued with them improving some of our equipment. But nothing dangerous, I swear. Did I never tell you that I knew Harry?“ Joe asked pretending to be dumb, but Barry did not believe it for a second. He just felt more and more embarrassed. _Harry, huh? This has to be some kind of joke,_ he thought to himself.

„No, you didn’t,“ Barry replied a little upset, that the two men in front of him were obviously making fun of him.

„Don’t be mad at him, it wasn’t his fault. It just must have slipped through his mind,“ Wells joined.

„Yeah, it must have, then I suppose I also forgot to say, that Harry has been looking for someone to work in S.T.A.R. Labs.“ Barry almost exploded, but he resisted the temptation to be happy, because this just seemed too good to be true. So he kept his uninterested look and said: „Yes, you did forget to mention that. But it doesn’t matter considering the fact, that Doctor Wells would never employ someone like me.“

„I must disagree on that with you, Barry, because as a matter of fact, your name wasn’t the only thing I know about you. Joe also mentioned how smart you are and what you had achieved. Brilliant kid, who got early to high school and finished your college alsoo sooner than anyone would have expected. And I also know that you would be lying if you told me, that forensic science is your only expertise. But it’s up to you. I can imagine that there are plenty other companies or places that would be so astonished and thrilled to have you. Comparing to them the S.T.A.R. Labs are no bigger than a fly,“ Wells said and Barry was really getting annoyed by his sarcasm, but he shook it off, when he considered what was Wells really saying.

„So you would consider giving me the place?“ Barry asked in a naive tone, hoping the answer was going to be yes. However Wells frowned on that thought with a big sigh coming from his mouth.

„Well, I would, but there is nothing to consider because why would the incomparable Barry Allen work for me, when he has so many other great options?“

„And we can’t forget the fact that he is so satisfied of staying in his apartment for whole days, without any contact with outside world,“ Joe remarked. This was another time when Barry blushed again and both Joe and Wells thought it was hilarious, but neither of them refused to laugh about it, because this teasing was just too much of a fun. Barry just wondered how many other things Doctor Wells knew about him and how many things Joe has said to him. But then he took a deep breath, let his cheeks get more of their natural color and spoke up: „That might be true, but I believe it’s still worth a shot. And even if I don’t have much chances of getting that place, I’m willing to try.“ After that Wells thought about it a little and replied: „I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you tried. You are going to be at S.T.A.R. Labs at 9 am and please make sure you will come on time. I’m sure it wouldn’t give you any credit if you showed up on your first day late.“ Barry smiled so brightly and Joe was sure he hadn’t seen him so excited and happy about something for a long time.

„I will be there on time,“ Barry laughed with enthusiasm, still not believing this was really happening.

„And I will do my best to believe you, but considering the fact I know how you lost your last job, it is not going to be easy. And you probably know the way there.“ Barry simply nodded still excited as a child who just got a toy of dreams. „Alright, I must get going. See you later, Joe, Barry,“ Wells excused himself from them heading away from Jitters.

„Well, look at that, you finally honor the world of your presence and tomorrow you are working at S.T.A.R. Labs. World is strange, isn’t it?“

„Why couldn’t you tell me this sooner, Joe?“ Barry asked.

„You never asked and you also refused to talk to me, remember? What was I supposed to do?“

„I hate you,“ Barry said with a smile, which broke into a laughter and Joe joined him. They were both happy like this, because Joe got his Barry back like he was and Barry was possibly going to get a job, finally. And there was no one who could ruin that moment for them.


	2. New goal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's first day at STAR Labs and his first meeting with..... the future love of his life ♥.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said updating is not something I'm good at, but I have already written a few chapters, 4 I think and I'm going to post it here when I have time. But then it will only get worse.

Barry stayed excited for the rest of the day and the whole time he was just praying that day would come sooner, but unfortunately for him it seemed like the day couldn’t go slower. He even went out with Iris and told her everything. Hoping it would make things easier, it did the exact same opposite. Iris tried to make him think about something else, but it just wasn’t possible. However, the waiting was worth it after all, thankfully and that day came, but it didn’t go as Barry had expected. He remembered how he promised Doctor Wells, he would be there on time, but with Barry it wasn’t so simple. Before he went to sleep he didn’t forget to set the alarm that would wake him on time, but other problems that could delay him the next day, still existed. Barry just didn’t know that yet.

He woke up hearing the alarm clock after so long time. It was something new for him considering the fact he didn’t show up on time somewhere before. But when his mind realized why he needed to wake up in first place, he literally flew out of his room and went to the bathroom. Doing everything as quickly as possible, so there was no way he would be late. Even sun was still half-asleep when he was eating his breakfast. And when he found the right clothes and put them on he just smiled at the thought of Joe and how he had helped him yesterday. Without him he wouldn’t even be in this situation and that terrified him. Returning to that state when he was total looser wasn’t in his interests. Now he wanted to make his dreams come true. So he took everything he might’ve needed for today and headed out of his apartment. Finding his way to the elevator, he realized that it was out of service. To be honest, that wasn’t a big problem for him. He could take it by stairs, he was quick enough, but before he even realized that, an elderly woman was standing in front of him with a suitcase, that looked like the wolf and Red riding hood was inside it. And Barry immediately knew what that meant for him. The woman started to talk to him and asked him to help her with the suitcase. She was going to visit a friend in fact and there was no way she would miss her flight. _I bet, there isn’t,_ Barry thought to himself, but smiled at the woman in front of him. He couldn’t say no to her, it was against everything he had been ever taught in his life, so he helped her. But the luck still wasn’t on his side, since he was living in one of the highest apartments there ever was. He sighed deeply, but helped her anyway.

It took him longer than he supposed it would, but his face still retained calm, so the woman wouldn’t know how Barry was secretly under pressure. Barry received thanks and gratitude from her, but in that moment, it held no meaning to him. He just needed to get on his way, so he wouldn’t come late. But that was easier said than done. Considering the fact, he lost so much time helping the woman, it was obvious he would miss his bus, that would take him to S.T.A.R. Labs. So he tried to call a cab, but it was like they ignored him on purpose and the fact it was raining like a flood was coming didn’t help him either. Yet he still held hope someone would notice him and his wish came true. One cab actually noticed him and took him on the way to S.T.A.R. Labs, but these were the times, when after something good happens worse things are following. And sooner than Barry realized he was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. Today was definitely a bad day for him, but he still hoped it would get better once he got there. He was already going to be there late, however the desire to be there was stronger than ever. He gave the money to the cab driver and left the dryness of a cab behind. Running through still strong rain without an umbrella was definitely something he has never wanted to experience and was not willing to do that again. _In times like these I just wish I could fly or have a super speed,_ he thought to himself. _But let’s be realistic, I would be late anyway._

Fortunately for him the building he was looking for was not far and sooner than he started to be tired of running he was there. He immediately headed inside not paying any attention to how he actually looked after that run. Inside the building he found a young woman sitting behind a computer typing something. He assumed she was the one who could really help him find the right place.

“Hi, I’m Barry Allen,” he spoke up with a shaking voice, when he came closer to the blonde girl that was around his age.

“Yes, I know. You are here for the free place, right? I’m Charlotte, but you can call me Charlie. Everyone else does,” she smiled at him, noticing how drops were falling from his coat. It didn’t bother her at all, but her mind found it cute for some reason and his shaking didn’t quite help it.

“Right, Charlie, I’m looking for Doctor Wells. Do you have any idea where I can find him?” he asked, still struggling with finding the right words.

“Yeah, I do and I can take you. He is expecting you and in fact, you are running late, you know about that?”

“It surely didn’t slip through my mind,” he looked at the ground annoyed and ashamed of himself. Another great impression was coming, like he ever needed that. “With how many people I’m going to work with?”

“Well, we are separated into teams and every one of them is working on something different. You are however lucky, because you are going to work directly with Doctor Wells and his team. Beside you, there is another four brilliant minds who are going to work with you. Surely the best team we have here.”

“And you are also part of some team?”

“Me? No, no… well I wish I would be, but to be honest I’m not right for this. There is no genius in here,” she said smiling and pointing to her brain. “If someone let me do something different here than taking care of papers and stuff like that, this whole building would probably explode. And I’m not even kidding, they are not allowing me to touch anything, not that I blame them,” she continued laughing and Barry joined her. He was glad that at least for some time he forgot how nervous he in fact felt. This was a nice distraction and she seemed nice.

“But I can show you some things, on which we are working right now. You are already late and Doctor Wells knows that, so why don’t use that to our prospect? He doesn’t really care when you will come, or if you come at all,” she said blushing at the fact, she was maybe too quick for him. He was here for the first time after all, but Charlie was always like this, quick and careless when it came to things like this. Barry just smiled at her and thought about it for a moment. Fear of Doctor Wells was claiming his mind, but Charlie looked so excited and he just couldn’t say no to her.

“I would like that,” he simply nodded and they both headed to the first laboratory they found. Inside was a man testing his work. When they both came closer he noticed them and introduced himself to Barry.

“Hi, Jim, this is Barry, he’s going to work here,” Charlie said.

“Nice to meet you, Barry, I’m Jim and I’m sure you will like it here,” Jim smiled and shook hands with Barry.

“Well, I hope so.” Then Barry looked closer at the creation Jim was working on and asked: “Is that a screwdriver?”

“Yes and no. You see, everyone knows swiss army knives, right? You’ve got so many things inside them and well I just wanted to make a screwdriver that could have that aswell. This thing here, beside the fact it is a screwdriver, can transform into a wrench, small hammer and pliers. It has also a laser and can scan things and find out some informations about them, for example the material that was used to create them and something like that,” he explained while he was showing all the things that could his creation do. Barry was clearly astonished by that and he immediately started to ask some questions about it more. Jim was impressed by the young man standing in front of him, he was much cleverer than the majority of his peers. And when all questions were answered Barry and Charlie said goodbye and went to another lab. Barry saw many other interesting things, but after some time he really thought he should show up to Doctor Wells and Charlie wasn’t against it. She took him to the right place and rang the bell that was placed next to the door.

“This is the only lab, which has a bell, because Doctor Wells did not wish people coming here as they want, like we were doing today. It’s really annoying when the only thing you need is just his signature!” she said when Barry looked confused. Soon after that they heard Wells’s voice asking: “Who is it?”

“Charlie and Barry, sir,” she replied with a smile.

“Oh, so Mr. Allen is going to honor us of his presence after all? Come on in, then,” he said and the door opened on its own.

“Well, you should go and I have to get back to my dutties,” Charlie smiled at Barry.

“Thank you for everything,” Barry replied.

“You’re welcome and you should tell me after some time how you like it here. I would like to hear that.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” After that Barry passed by the open door and found himself walking through some kind of hallway. He could swear it looked like from a sci-fi movie and that made him even more excited. When he came to the end of it, Doctor Wells was standing there already, waiting for him. His smile immediately vanished.

“You are late,” Doctor Wells said. He wasn’t angry, actually he found it funny how Barry was stressed and nervous. His cheeks were once again red of embarrassment like yesterday.

“But I can explain that…” Barry started.

“Don’t. I’m not mad at you, Barry, just make sure it won’t happen again.”

“I will,” Barry promised.

“Good. Did you like the tour Charlie gave you?” he asked sipping from his cup.

“You knew about that?”

“Well, someone would give you one anyway so I made a deal with her, that she would show the new-comers around. No one else would have time for that, so that made her perfect for the job. But you still came late,” Wells said smiling at that fact. Barry once again blushed, but was in fact annoyed how the man in front of him was still teasing him like a child. But he couldn’t say anything to that or he would be fired sooner than he would like.

“I heard that I’m going to work with your team,” Barry said ignoring his comments.

“Yup, if you weren’t, do you really think you would be standing here losing my time that I could use for something useful?” That was a rhetorical question, so Barry once again stayed quiet. Wells came closer to the table with computers that was standing next to him and called his team by the microphone, which was set there and it didn’t take long until the others came. One boy with a dark long hair, smiling at Barry just as the two girls who followed him. One of them with a ginger hair and the second one with a blond ponytail. They all were young just as Barry, which seamed strange to him, because he was expecting that someone more experienced would work with Doctor Wells, but he couldn’t complain. They all seemed nice.

“This is Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow and Felicity Smoak,” Wells said pointing at each one of them. “And everyone, this is Barry Allen. He is going to work with us.” After that the expression on his face changed into a little angry-self. Barry just wondered what happened. He didn’t do anything wrong, or at least he hoped he didn’t.

“Where is he?” Wells asked annoyed.

“Well, he didn’t want to leave his work, because he thinks that whatever is happening here, isn’t so important,” Cisco said.

“Brilliant,” Wells said sarcastically and left them looking for the last member of the team.

“So, Barry, what is your expertise?” Cisco asked after some time of silence.

“My expertise?” Barry asked with a shaking voice. He would gladly answer that without any complication, but today just wasn’t his day.

“Yeah, like you know, Caitlin here is a bio-engineer and she is literally capable of anything. And Felicity is brilliant with computers, but not as much as me, of course,” Cisco finished.

“Yeah, like that is true,” Felicity replied and hit his arm lightly. “Of course it is,” Cisco prostested but stopped after Felicity threatened him with another stronger hit. And before Barry could answer the question that Cisco asked, Wells returned with the last member of the team.

“This is Oliver, Barry, someone who is going to be pain in the ass for the rest of your life, no matter what you do,” Wells said. Barry wanted to shake hands with the blonde standing in front of thim, but Oliver didn’t give him any second look, so Barry’s arm returned to its previous position.

“I still don’t understand why I needed to see this guy. What is so important about him, that I had to leave my place?” Oliver asked, clearly having no care that Barry could hear it all. Wells sighed and replied: “Because he is going to work with us.”

“Aren’t these people you have here enough? I thought you said they were the best, so why do we need another annoying creep here?” Politeness was starting to be a problem for Barry, considering the fact that Oliver never had one. And this sentence insulted everyone in some way, but they hardly made it visible on themselves. For them it wasn’t anything new, and honestly Oliver could be a lot worse if he wanted to.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I want to replace you by someone who is going to have some respect and behavior. That could be the reason,” Wells replied sarcastically.

“Well, if you think that this one could replace me, you can't be further from the truth,” Oliver attacked still refusing to at least look at Barry.

“You are probably right, which means that you are staying here, _unfortunately,_ and Barry is going to work here too,” Wells finished.

“Do what you want, but I still don’t understand why I needed to know that,” Oliver said annoyed.

“Because, dear Oliver, he is going to work directly with you.” Oliver frowned and Barry could swear that was for the first time he saw some emotion in him, even if it wasn’t the best one obviously.

“What?!” Barry asked horrified by the thought, but when all faces were directed to him, he immediately shut up, because he understood that he was in no position to complain.

“He is not,” Oliver replied coldly.

“And why do you think you have any word in this?”

“Because I’m smarter than any of you. I’m actually capable of thinking clearly.”

“That doesn’t mean you are in charge or that you know what’s best for everyone. You are under me and I could fire you right here right now without blinking. And let me tell you,” Wells said in a little threatening voice coming closer to the well-built blonde, “I wouldn’t regret that. So you either take Barry with you and show him everything or you are going to get out of this building and never show up your primitive face to any of us here again.” After that everyone stayed silent. Cisco, Caitlin and Felicity knew these arguments Wells and Oliver shared were nothing special, but they still thought it would be better to just stay silent until one of them would say something. But to be honest who could blame Doctor Wells for using that words after how Oliver had been acting everyday? His behavior was seriously driving everyone mad. But all three of them learned to accept that and not take him seriously. Thankfully they hardly saw him in work. Oliver always kept himself at distance, working whole day without any break time. He liked it that way, at least no one was disturbing him. And that was the main reason why he was so against the idea of working with Barry. But he thought about it for a second and came to a conclusion, that Barry wouldn’t stay here for long. He just wasn’t suited for this job and Oliver could see it without paying much attention. He had no idea why Wells had accepted him, but he couldn’t do anything to change that so after a short pause of silence he simply nodded.

“If it is not going to work, he will be finished here,” Oliver said still refusing to give Barry any look. And Barry was especially upset about the fact how Oliver spoke about him, like he wasn’t even here. _Seriously, who does he think he is?_ , he thought to himself.

“It is going to work and you are going to enjoy that,” Wells said scoffing at him. _I doubt that,_ Oliver thought to himself and headed out to his place, not giving any sign to Barry who stayed there out of clue.

“You should go with him, Barry. And if he continues to act like this, just shout at him. Fight for your place beside him. That is the only way how he is going to respect you as an equal,” Wells said.

“Good luck,” Cisco joined and both Caitlin and Felicity gave Barry a reassuring smile, but that didn’t help him. Now he was definitely sure that this was one of the worst days of his entire life. First, he came late because of an elderly woman, who needed help, cab drivers that refused to take him and a traffic jam, which made him run all the way here in rain. And let’s not forget that part when he found out that he was going to work with the biggest dick he ever had the pleasure of meeting. Yet there was nothing he could do about it. He got the job he always wanted and this guy was just a small obstacle with only one purpose; to remind him that life was never going to be fair and easy as he would want. But Barry wasn’t going to give up now, definitely not because of Oliver. He was just supposed to work with this guy for an unknown reason, but that didn’t mean he had to talk to him or become his friend. No, he could definitely live his life without all of that. In that moment Oliver meant nothing to him, and he was going to begin a new chapter of his life, where he had this perfect job. His dream after all came true. So he followed Oliver to his place, ready for whatever was waiting for him there and even after that he was shocked of what he saw. It was bigger than he’d imagined and full of equipment that could every scientist dream about. Computers, his own personal lab, tooling, literally everything that man could ever need was there and Barry couldn’t believe that. _How much does this guy needs?,_ he wondered and then he noticed something strange. In the corner of a room there was a fitness gear such as dumbbells, punching bag and…. a salmon ledder? Barry couldn’t be more surprised. He noticed immediately when Oliver first came, that he was well-built and it left him wondering how he had any time for that. Now he was sure that this was part of his work time here. And there was no doubt that his workout had to be a show. Barry immediately started to imagine how Oliver would be taking exercises and he immediately blushed at these thoughts, so he shook them off, before Oliver would noticed him. He wanted to ask more about it, but Oliver once again wasn’t paying any attention to his new colleague.

“So where should I put my stuff?” Barry asked. Oliver didn’t even blink and kept reading his book, but before Barry was going to ask something else, he answered: “I don’t really care, Allen. Put it wherever you want. You are not going to be here for long so do me a favor.” He then put the book aside and stood up coming closer to Barry, who could swear that it was for the first time, that Oliver properly looked at him.

“We are going to have some rules here. You won’t disturb me when I’m working, you won’t ask stupid questions and you will speak just when you are required to. If you don’t like it, the door is there.”

“Right, and is it going to apply on both sides?” Barry asked. He wanted to show Oliver, that he wasn’t in charge and that Barry could also bite like a wild dog, but that fact didn’t make Oliver happy.

“Let me make myself clear. I don’t want you here, Allen, so if you aren’t happy here, or if you hate me, I won’t care, ever, because I don’t need you here. You are just a burden for me and I am going to do anything to get rid of you,” Oliver said in a threatening voice.

“Because you think you are better than me?”

“I was capable of finishing any part of my work before without having any problems, so why should I need someone now?”

“Maybe you don’t need anyone, but Doctor Wells thinks you do, so that makes me stay here, whether you like it or not,” Barry finished and Oliver once again looked at him, thinking. _This guy is not going to give up so easily,_ he said inside his mind and with a big sigh coming from his mouth replied: “We are done, for now. During your first day, you were supposed to see the building and your work place, but real work is beginning tomorrow, when Wells tells you what we are working on. I always wondered why he was revealing our plans to everyone who have come here for the job. Every one of them was fired knowing our secrets, and you will be no exception.” After that he took once again the book he was reading before and returned to his previous action. Barry wanted to say something to him, to scream at him, anything to be honest. Oliver was driving him crazy, but Barry knew that for the first day in his job he has done enough, so he took a deep breath and left the room.

* * *

 

“So what do you think about Barry?” Cisco asked while he was packing his stuff.

“He seems nice, but I feel sorry for him. Working with Oliver must be like a punishment for him,” Caitlin replied.

“Look, I know Oliver is acting badly, but he is not a bad person,” Felicity denied.

“Wau, word ‘badly’ now holds an entirely different meaning for me,” Cisco commented.

“If you say so, Felicity, but let’s be honest, you are the only one who is defending him in any way. No one likes him and he knows that, but he is not willing to do something about that. I’ve always believed that in everyone there is some part, which is good, but when it comes to him, I’m starting to be really skeptical,” Caitlin agreed. Then the three friends noticed that Barry was coming, ruined as they expected.

“So, how did it go?” Cisco asked already knowing the answer.

“Well, at first he was ignoring me, then some threats came from his side and I protested, nothing interesting really. And after all that happened, I think he likes me,” Barry said with a sarcastic smile.

“I bet he does, but remember tomorrow is going to be for sure better. Maybe you will become even friends,” Cisco replied continuing with sarcasm and saying the farewells to his co-workers. Caitlin soon followed him and the only one who stayed there with Barry was Felicity.

“I wanted to ask, how you are capable of tolerating him? I mean, I was with him in one room for five minutes and I had enough for a lifetime.”

“Oliver is just very good at making the best first impression, but so are you, or so I’ve heard,” Felicity smiled.

“But that was different. It was just an accident, I at least wasn’t acting like a jerk.”

“Yeah, that is just his way. He just keeps saying to everyone that no one could be better than him, no matter what it is, but the truth is, he doesn’t believe that. He is a human after all, with limits and he is fully aware of that even if you don’t see it.”

“Even so, that just doesn’t explain why he is acting this way.”

“Tell me, Barry, why are you so interested in him? You could after all work here without giving him any second look. But you want to know more, so why?”

“I guess, that there is something more behind all of that. I don’t believe he is naturally like this. There must’ve happened something, but I have no idea what.” Felicity smiled. She wasn’t sure why, but thoughts in her mind were telling her, that Barry was somehow special. Maybe he was the one who could remind Oliver who he was before and in that case Barry deserved to know the truth. She just met him today, but even so she had a feeling she could trust him.

“When he was ten years old, his dad went on a boat trip. His family was very rich and his dad never came back. It is still unclear what happened, but most of the people said that storm was behind it. And Oliver had it rough since then. His mom fell into a depression, started drinking and soon after that Oliver found her dead in her room. She killed herself, because she could not take it anymore and she left there little Oliver and his sister Thea. They were all alone in this world and went immediately into orphanage, hoping they would stay together forever, but it didn’t take long and they were separated. And that changed Oliver in many ways, he was alone, completely alone, no one wanted him, because everyone thought he was weird. But the truth is he was just too smart for them, and no one had come through so much as him. After some time, Doctor Wells heard about his brilliant mind and abilities so he adopted him, but it was too late. Oliver was already gone.”

“So Doctor Wells is technically his dad?”

“Technically, yes, but you saw how they spoke. You may think the worst of worst of Oliver, but this is not his fault. He has just lost so much in his life already, that he is terrified he will lose more. And that is why he is acting this way. He doesn’t want to become friends with you, because he is sure that nothing good ever lasts forever. You would leave him some day and that would destroy him. So keeping himself at distance is the easiest choice,” Felicity finished sadly.

“How do you know all this, Felicity?” Barry asked her after a little moment of silence, astonished by the information, which was spreading through his brain.

“I have the advantage of calling myself his friend. He told me this all by himself,” Felicity replied with a sad smile.

“I’m sorry, but I have difficulties in believing you. How is that possible?”

“I simply found my way to him. You can too, it’s not impossible, but it’s up to you, whether you want to or not,” she said and headed to the main exit with Barry following her. Both stayed quiet though, because Barry needed some time to embrace everything he just heard from her. Yeah, Oliver was acting badly, but now it held some meaning, or at least he thought it did. And it bothered Barry, he was not willing to leave it like that.

When they left the building, Barry noticed that a blond girl was waiting outside. He immediately asked Felicity about it.

“That’s Sara. She is Oliver’s girlfriend.” Barry couldn’t believe what she just said so he started to laugh at the thought that Oliver with all his bad behavior would have girlfriend of all people. But then Oliver quickly passed by them and came to Sara, giving her a hug. That really shocked Barry in any way it could and Barry was sure that anything was possible now. Felicity just smiled at his reaction and said her goodbies to him, leaving him there astonished, but soon after that Barry also headed to his home, thinking about everything. Yeah, he said that Oliver was nothing for him, that he was not going to try become his friend, but after everything Felicity had told him, he felt different. His curiosity of finding out more about his colleague was easily winning over his brain. And it was definitely a challenge for him, so he returned home with another goal; he was going to get to know Oliver more and nothing could stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it sure looks like they both are capable of making the best impressions.....


	3. Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's little talk with Iris. His first meeting with Sara and he finally gets to know what goal his teammates are trying to achieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a rough day, writing some exam or a test of some sort, that could send me to either USA or Great Britain, if I did it right. But I think I screwed up.... But that doesn't matter. I don't know if anyone is reading this, probably no one, but here goes another chapter. Enjoy :)

“So please, do tell me about your first day. I need to hear everything. Are your teammates nice? Are there some pretty girls… or boys?” Iris asked with a smirk on her face, while they were searching for a table in Jitters.

“Why won’t we talk about your day? I’m sure it was more interesting than mine,” Barry replied trying to prevent this subject.

“Yeah, listening to me about how I must write about some action in library, that ended too quickly because the only people who appeared there were retired and they fell asleep sooner, than it ended. Nothing is happening in this city, Barry, and it’s frustrating!”

“Frustrating? Iris, you should be glad, that everything is fine.”

“But fine is boring and boring is not good for a journalist.”

“And what would you want to happen? An earthquake? Or an explosion?”

“You work in S.T.A.R. Labs, you could create this events.”

“Yeah, we could, by an accident, not on purpose. And what would happen after that explosion for example? Would it affect people in some way?”

“Why not? That would be great for the news. What if it gave people some kind of powers?”

“Like what? Like super strength or super speed?”

“Yes! Or someone would be capable of controlling the weather, or electricity. Maybe even flying would be possible!” Iris said thinking about that unlike timeline.

“And in that case which super-power would you like to have?”

“I always dreamed I could fly. Just take off everyday and fly wherever I wanted. No distance would be an obstacle for me. And what about you, Barry? What would you like to have?”

“Well, considering the fact that I’m already smart I would take super strength. With my brilliant mind and an ability to knock out everyone who stays in my way I would be unstoppable,” Barry smiled wickedly at the thought.

“Well I think that super speed would be better for you. At least you would start coming actually on time.”

“Iris, we both know that wouldn’t help me at all, but you are right though. Super speed would be cool as well,” Barry broke into laugh with Iris following.

“But you still haven’t answer my first question. What was it like in S.T.A.R. Labs?”

“It was… interesting,” Barry replied simply.

“I bet it was, that could also be said about that action in library and everyone would take it differently. Come on, Barry, I want to know more,” Iris smiled and Barry was certain that no was not an answer for her. There was no point in denying.

“My teamworkers seem pretty nice, Cisco, Caitlin and Felicity and of course working with Doctor Wells is a great honor, although he is quite different than I imagined.”

“Different in what way?”

“Well, he certainly doesn’t lack sense of humor and most of it he is using on me,” Barry smiled poorly.

“Everyone does that, you are an easy target.”

“No, I am not! Is that what everyone else think, that I’m an easy target?” Barry protested.

“Not everyone, but some of us do. I’m sure your brilliant brain will have no problems in figuring that out later.”

“Speaking of brilliant brain, there is this guy I have to work with,” Barry started, struggling in finding any words. He didn’t want to tell her Oliver’s secret, even if Iris was his best friend. Yes, he trusted her, but that held no meaning to Oliver. Felicity could tell him, because they were friends, obviously, and that was on her, but now it was different.

“Guy, huh?” Iris smirked at him. Barry looked confused for a while, not realizing why she was acting that way, but then it hit him.

“It’s not what you think! I don’t like him! I hate him in fact, he is the most awful person I’ve ever met. Oliver is fierce, grumpy, itchy on everything I say and obnoxious. Like seriously he is literally a repulsive annoying jerk,” Barry explained sweating and blushing, what Iris immediately noticed and she was trying so hard to not start laughing right there.

“But he certainly made an impression on you, don’t you think?”

“I guess, but it was the wrong one. How am I supposed to work with this guy?” Barry asked frustrated, still failing in getting back his natural color.

“You don’t have to talk to him, just ignore him. Don’t stay in his way and I think you should be fine.” Iris then looked at her red friend who immediately broke their eye contact and looked at the ground. Iris knew that Barry wasn’t telling her something. He could not lie to her, no matter how much he tried, it never worked out.

“But there is something else, isn’t it?” Iris asked.

“There is, but I can’t say what. It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Then don’t.”

“It’s just that he has reasons why he is acting this way and well I’m sure that if he was acting better we would actually become friends, good friends. I don’t know why, but I just feel it and that fact keeps me thinking about it all the time. Since I left the STAR Labs, I haven’t stopped thinking about it for a moment and it troubles me. What is wrong with me, Iris?”

“You just suck at choosing friends,” Iris said with a smirk.

“Yeah, I can see that every time I look at you,” Barry replied cunningly. He was very happy, that Iris was there with him. Even if they were talking about his day, the thoughts of it weren’t so hard anymore. He was laughing and enjoying this moment and that was all he needed. And when their meeting came to its end, he had to promise her he would take her the next day to STAR Labs. To be honest, he wasn’t fan of that idea. After learning the truth, well some of it at least, about Oliver, he knew what kind of relationship Doctor Wells and Oliver held, even if they weren’t exactly capable of showing it. He realized that pissing off Oliver wouldn’t be a good idea at all. If they were having an argument and Doctor Wells had to decide, then Barry would not stand a chance. He would be fired so quickly, that even Oliver would be surprised. But Barry didn’t want that to happen. Yes, after this first day, Oliver was occupying his mind for some reason and that was frustrating in great measures. Why it was happening at all was a mystery, that was not going to be solved for a long time. So in his mind he came to a decision that he would focus on his work for now. That was after all what he wanted and there was no point in denying it. And with these thoughts he laid down on his bed and went to a deserving sleep, ready for whatever was next day holding for him.

The next day Iris made sure Barry would come on time. She came to his apartment by a car and took him straight to STAR Labs. Fortunately, no traffic jam was a threat to them and when her eyes laid for the first time on the famous building she was so excited to see everything that was hiding inside. When Barry introduced her to Charlie, she could tell that this girl was definitely interested in her best friend. But when her eyes found Barry, he didn’t show that kind of affection. There was no wonder why. After all that happened she wasn’t sure if he was even capable of moving on, but he had to for better or worse. There was no other outcome. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life alone. That thought scare her more than she would admit. No, he needed just a small shove and that was exactly what she was going to do; give him a small shove, when the right time would come.

The rest of the building was totally like from a sci-fi movie for her. All those inventions and technologies, it was so new and strange to her, but it kept her in completed awe. And the best part of that was the fact, she was witnessing the upcoming future. Today it was for her very strange seeing all these inventions, but time when this all would be normal was coming, she could see it clearly now.

The place where Barry worked was closer and closer by the time and Barry was becoming more and more nervous. Questions like what would his labmates and Doctor Wells said were occupying his mind and he was literally suffering of the consequences that could happen. But there was no coming back. Iris made sure of that and Barry could not do a damn thing to stop it. So when they finally found the door, Barry took a deep breath and led her to the lab, watching how astonished she was by all of this. No wonder, it was truly amazing.

Their footsteps resonated through the hall, but Barry kept himself thinking that his heartbeat was that one thing that was resonating. And the thought of Oliver and Doctor Wells making fun of him for that was never more expected.

All his labmates, including Doctor Wells and that girl Sara from yesterday were in the main room talking about something. Smile ruled their faces what was nice to see and when their eyes laid on the visitor it didn’t go away. Barry deduced that was a good sign.

“Hi, everyone, this is Iris, my best friend and she wanted to see this place and meet you, even when I was openly against it. I hope you don’t mind,” Barry said with a shaking voice. Iris secretly laughed at Barry’s introduction. It was very cute to see how he was struggling with it. He really cared deeply about this job and Iris could see it clearly. That made her very happy knowing that Barry finally found what he was looking for. She was introduced to everyone but when her eyes spotted Oliver, she could not help and just stare at him for longer than she was supposed to. She never thought that someone like him would work in STAR Labs, because he didn’t seem like genius to her. He was extremely well-built with a kind smile and that blue eyes…. she could literally drown in them.

“You must be Oliver,” she stated and smiled widely at him, offering him her hand to shake. Oliver stayed surprised by that statement, confused by the fact why she knew his name. Of course, that Barry telling her about him occurred to his mind, but somehow he just wasn’t capable of believing it. But he shook it off, smiled at her and shaked hands with her. Meanwhile Barry was ready to commit suicide after everything was over. Why Iris introduced herself to Oliver like this was unknown to him, but it sure made him nervous even more and he could swear he was blushing again, considering Doctor Wells was staring at him with a cunning smile. This couldn’t even be worse, but suddenly Barry realized how Oliver was acting. He was smiling and giving everyone all his attention at the right time, including Barry. It was obvious that Sara was the one who made him somehow do that, but how she accomplished this miracle, was unknown. Barry wondered if it was all just pretending from Oliver’s side or if this was his true self. Was he really happy like this, with her? It just didn’t seem possible for Barry to understand. A man who went through so much pain and suffering, lost so much, was it really possible that he would be happy after all? And when Barry was looking at them holding their hands and kissing each other’s cheeks, he just didn’t buy it for some reason. And the strange feeling he held inside himself was really terrifying. He never had any problem of seeing other people showing their affections for their loved ones, but this time it was different. He didn’t like what he saw and let’s just say it did not help his temper. His nervousness was gone and the thought that Iris was even there simply vanished from his mind.

“I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Sara,” the blonde girl smiled at Barry. It took him some time to find the right words and put his mind at ease, but at the end he was alright.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Barry,” he returned a polite smile.

“I know,” Sara simply replied, which confused Barry in great measures. They had to be obviously talking about him, or Oliver mentioned to her the complete looser he had to work with. Yeah, that second option was really something Barry could imagine happening. They all talked for some time, but time was not on their side and not long after that Iris had to go to her own work. She said her goodbyes hoping that she would meet with them again, because they all seemed nice. Her mind just couldn’t believe that Barry didn’t like Oliver and was saying such bad things about him. Oliver was nothing like that when she saw him. Yes, it could have been just a pretending, but was it really naïve to believe in him being honestly good? Thought of him being such a jerk existed and was not unthinkable, but everyone had his bad and good days. Barry himself told her, Oliver had reasons for acting this way. Iris could see he wasn’t a bad person and she was looking forward to that time when Barry would see that too without any hesitation.

“Well, she seems nice, Barry. And she made sure you would come for time, so I think that’s a bonus,” Wells spoke after a minute of silence.

“We are not dating,” Barry stated deducing what Doctor Wells hinted.

“Sure you are not. Just friends, isn’t it right?”

“Just friends,” Barry nodded in approval. There were times, when he considered Iris more than just a friend. He was secretly in love with her since their childhood and the fact that he lived with this girl under one roof didn’t help him either. But he’d never told her how he felt, because, well, he was sure Iris wouldn’t return it as he hoped. She was beautiful, charming, funny, kind and he was, well, _him._ A dorky nerd who never had any friends at school, just her and she was everything he ever needed, but when he accepted the thought of her never loving him as he wanted her to, he decided to move on. And honestly it wasn’t so hard, because he met _her_ and she changed everything in his life for good. He hadn’t been happier in his life before he met her. Fate gave him this chance of starting again and living a happy life, but before he even realized it, fate took it from him just like that. And here he was after two years, not capable of moving on, trying to persuade himself everything was OK, but it was not. It could not be further from that.

“I should go, too,” Sara said, took her stuff and excused herself, with Oliver following behind. These were the times, when she always thought about what was coming and that sooner or later she would have to tell him the truth, but she couldn’t. It was beyond her abilities. His heart was already tearing apart and she would shatter it into a million pieces very easily if she told him. But he couldn’t be kept in darkness, not forever. That would be even worse, so she made a promise to tell him soon, but not today. Today was going to be a good day, he would be at peace, not caring about her problems. He was going to be free.

“I don’t understand that you don’t like Barry, he seems nice,” she stated, while walking through the hallway.

“And I’m supposed to like every person who seems nice to you?”

“Yeah, you should, because I have a good intuition, that you would make great friends.”

“Friends are not what I care about. They are one of the biggest distractions from work,” he scoffed.

“I know that you think that anyone who is not as smart as you can’t reach your ankles, but look at us. Here we are, acting like a couple, kissing, hugging, doing all that shit, because we are a couple. And I’m not as half smart as you are. I know that you don’t consider Felicity smarter than you, but even so, she is your best friend.”

“Yes, I admit that, but Felicity and you are the only two people I want in my life,” he said grabbing her hands gently. “I don’t need anyone else, when I have you.” And this statement hurt like a thousand knives were struck into her chest. Oliver wasn’t right, she knew that, but it hurt even so. He needed more friends and loved ones, even if he wasn’t ready to admit that. Which is why she no longer believed she was the right choice for him. When they began dating she noticed his secretiveness and shyness of sharing his feelings to her. She knew his backstory so it was no wonder for her why he acted this way, but still she hoped that one day, they would be happy without any secrets and Oliver would act normally in front of her. That day never came even after all this time and if the circumstances allowed them, she would gladly keep trying but fate was against them. There was nothing she could do. Yet she wanted to make sure Oliver would not be alone for long. Harrison Wells was like a father for him, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. She was not stupid or blind. She could see that every time her eyes laid on them. Their love was strong, but they were both too stubborn to show it. And Felicity was a gift, helping with everything, bringing back his humanity. She was the one who lighted his way. And Sara was the constant reminder that Oliver was capable of loving someone else than himself. And this was how she felt about their relationship. Was there other purpose of her presence? Or maybe she was just making up excuses, so the goodbye that was coming from her side wouldn’t hurt so much. Either way, he needed someone else in his life, someone who would be all his world, whom would Oliver trust with everything without any hesitation. Someone who would make him happy. And Sara wasn’t this person.

“Promise me you will give him a chance.”

“I won’t promise something like that and you know it,” Oliver sighed.

“Well maybe you are just afraid he would beat you in your own game,” she smiled cunningly.

“That’s a very pathetic conclusion,” Oliver denied. Sara laughed at him, but Oliver didn’t return it, he was obviously being serious, which worried her. Yet she still had kind of feeling that after some time Oliver and Barry would become close. And Oliver would probably kill her for these thoughts.

“I really need to go,” she kissed him gently after a moment of silence.

“OK, see you later, then,” Oliver replied with a small smile and then returned to his duties when Sara left the building. 

* * *

 

Meanwhile Wells was planning to talk to Barry about something important.

“We need to talk,” Wells stated without giving any sign to Barry and going away from others. Barry looked at others confused, but he deduced that belonged to him, so he went right after him, sweating of nervousness. They found themselves in a room Barry hadn't been in before and he figured out it was meant to be Wells’s place of some sort. His room. Did that mean he was in trouble?

Wells came closer to the screen on his desk and began to tap something. After a while of searching through his computer his eyes once more met Barry’s. “I hope Oliver is not doing so much trouble,” he said. Barry cleared his throat awkwardly at the thought of his upcoming answer. Now that he knew what kind of relationship they held, he wasn’t sure if speaking freely about Oliver was an option. He was here for the second day after all.

“Be honest with me, Barry. I know that everyone might have difficulties to find enough bad names for him, so even if you lied, no one would believe you.”

“He is…. different from people I’ve met,” Barry sighed with a shaking voice. “He is giving me a hard time, but I still did not see his worst side, just his normal regular side. I guess I got lucky.”

“Well, I promise you it will come sooner than you would want,” Wells chuckled.

“Brilliant,” Barry sighed of annoyance.

“Yeah, but I have to admit that people are not always what they seem to be, whether it’s in good way or a bad way. For example, imagine a man and a woman went on for a climbing trip. They were a couple, when they went there, but only a husband return home.”

“And I’m supposed to assume you are going somewhere with this, Doctor Wells?” Barry asked with a small smile.

“Just let me finish. The husband said that his wife slipped off while climbing and died, but when the local sheriff started investigating it, he arrested the husband with words: ‘Your travel agent called. You murdered your wife.’ My question, Barry, is how did he knew that?” Barry chuckled a bit, he wasn’t expecting this at all. He imagined the worst was coming but this put him at ease. He remembered how he was child and Joe used to ask him all these detective riddles and he knew them all. Never got annoyed of them. And he was sure Joe told that to Doctor Wells, yet he stayed unsure wondering why Wells was doing that. Was it some kind of test, he didn’t know, so regardless of his curiosity of finding out about it more, he focused on the riddle. And the right answer came sooner, than Wells expected.

“The man did not inform anyone about the trip?” Barry asked just to make sure of his conclusion.

“He did not,” Wells simply replied. Barry smiled at that fact and begin: “Well, the husband-of-the-year got a round trip ticket for himself, but only a one-way ticket for his wife. His travel agent was the only person who knew about this and I guess it felt suspicious for him, but only when the husband returned without her it became totally clear. Then the only thing he could do was to get him arrested,” Barry smiled like it was the easiest thing on Earth. But secretly he was glad he figured that out so quickly. Maybe it was not so hard for his brain, but not everyone would came to such a conclusion, not to mention that most people would not lose any more second of their lives for this. But Barry was different, he could not leave something uncompleted. That was never his style. And when he saw that Wells returned him that smile, he knew his answer was right.

“A man was found dead one Saturday morning, killed while his wife was sleeping. And the wife tells the police everything she knows. According to her informations, the cook was cooking breakfast, the maid was cleaning and the butler was getting the mail. And with this information police have everything they need to arrest the person who was truthfully responsible for this. The question is who did it?” Wells asked without explaining anything more to Barry, who obviously did not mind at all. For him it was a game he hadn’t been playing for a long time. And this one riddle in particular got him thinking, considering everything, retelling the words in his measureless mind. And after less than a minute light bulb lit up above his head.

“I found it odd that they were working while the wife was sleeping, because if it was at night then everyone would sleep too, but then I realized something else. She said she was sleeping, but how would she know what the others were doing, then? I mean they could tell her, sure, but they could have been doing entirely different things and she wouldn’t know about it. I think she did it.” Wells smiled once more at the answer, but left Barry completely clueless.

“Was I right?” Barry asked confused.

“That remains unknown. Maybe you were and maybe you were not, but tell me, Barry, why you think I was asking these two questions?”

“Well, I could assume that you wanted to test me in some sort, if I could think about things like these and how fast I would get to some conclusion. And it was the first thing that came to my mind, actually, but then I realized you could have asked this anyone and they would answer you correctly without any problem. Yet I am here and no one else is, so there must be something different about it. And then it hit me, the goal wasn’t to answer your riddles correctly, the goal was focusing on more subjects. You wanted me to focus on the riddles, but in the same time I was supposed to reveal what your main project is.”

“And did you?”

“That depends, whether my conclusion is right or not. I noticed your plans for a tactile sensor and also for a Von Neumann architecture. Yeah, that didn’t have to be really something interesting, but in your notebooks, which were open because of some reason, were other things. For example, you’ve been trying to figure out the SLAM **_(AN: simultaneous localization and mapping)_** , haven’t you? And same could be told when it comes to your writings about locomotion. And I also noticed that chessboard you have here, which, of course, could mean you like playing chess, but I think that there is something more to it. Something that may include an AI. But these conclusions are very pathetic and I’m probably aware of that fact. They could all mean something else, but at least I tried.” After that, sweating Barry and completely calm Wells were just standing there awkwardly, staring into each other’s eyes. And when it became too much, Barry spoke: “OK, then tell me; are you building a robot?”

“According to the circumstances I could hardly call it like that. I mean I want to build one, like no one has before, but it is more difficult than it seems,” he chuckled.

“Did that ever stop you?”

“Well, if people knew what I was trying to accomplish they would probably do anything to stop me. Can’t say I would have blamed them. Creating a humanoid robot with an AI is really something I never imagined I would do.”

“Yet here you are.”

“Exactly,” Wells sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“I think that you can do anything. I’ve always thought that. Since you built STAR Labs I wanted to someday be like you, because I believed in you. I still do. But I’m not sure if I should be any part of this.”

“And why is that?”

“C’mon, Doctor Wells, I’m a forensic scientinst. How could I know something about robots?”

“It would be unfortunate if you didn’t know. That would mean that when you were fourteen you cheated on that science competition.” Barry looked at the man before him completely confused. How Wells knows this, was unknown and surprising in same way. Had he done some research on him? What other information did he know about him? All these questions just popping up in his head were giving him a headache.

“How do you know I was on a science competition when I was fourteen?”

“You were on that every year, always with a new idea, but this one year in particular was special, wasn’t it? Because you wanted to create something unordinary and you did. You created a robot.”

“Which obviously didn’t work,” Barry remarked disappointed.

“If I acted this way after my every failure I wouldn’t be here, Barry, talking with you about this motivating crap. But what can I say? I like a challenge,” he smiled sarcastically.

“But that still doesn’t mean I could be any help to you.”

“Look, Barry, this thing is going to have an AI in its head, which means it needs to learn to survive, to adapt. And someone has to be a teacher.”

“And you think that I would be a great teacher?” Barry asked mockingly.

“I think that if we succeeded then it could learn anything from a needlework to combat skills. You could teach it everything you know and imagine how that would help the world.”

“Well, but what if something bad happens, like this robot trying to take over this whole world and destroying human race? It ends this way in many movies, so aren’t you a little bit skeptical about this?”

“Don’t give me this crap, Barry, I know what I’m doing and well people aren’t authorized to make such conclusions, when no AI has been created. I mean, yeah of course, there is a chance it would want to exterminate us, but I’m going to do whatever is necessary to never let that happen. You see, it is going to learn like a human, which means it is going to start from a point zero.”

“You mean, like a newborn?”

“Something like that, but growing would be a much faster process. I believe that if it is done correctly, it will not think of destroying human race.”

“So I’m going to be a dad?” Barry wondered.

“What? No, you are not going to be its dad. That’s ridiculous. All I’m saying is that more it learns, the better and it would be more suited if it learns all that from familiar faces.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“Shocker. I know that people would not believe in this cause if they knew it, but no one has ever built something like this before. I think it’s time to prove them wrong, or die by hand of our inventions. Either way, I’m willing to take this chance. The question is; are you?” After this Barry stayed quiet. He was imagining how it would feel like if they really accomplished this. And even though he was addicted to sci-fi an AI wiping out entire human race didn’t cross his mind. He let himself have hope in this cause and that made him smile. This could really change the world, for better or worse, but it was a chance to finally do something. And he would definitely regret not taking it. So he smiled one more time and said: “You can count on me, Doctor Wells.”

“Glad to hear it. I’m sure everyone will give you any informations you need. After all you should find more friends, Barry, and you are not going to achieve this if you spend all of the time with me.”

“This is your way how to nicely tell me to get out of here and leave you alone?”

“What have I done to deserve such insults?” Wells said sarcastically. After that Barry headed to the exit, but Wells stopped him for the last time.

“Let me give you one more riddle, Barry. A man is holding a knife, ready to kill someone who hurt him. Then a woman comes to him, saying words that made him stop and put that knife away. No one was able of doing that, just her. My question is; what did she say to him?”

“But that is not a logical riddle, Doctor Wells. There could be million words, which might have been spoken.”

“You are right, which means you need some time to figure this out and when you do, tell me. And one more thing; I suggest you play a chess with Oliver sometimes. It is one of his many weaknesses.” After that Barry really left, wondering what Wells meant by that riddle. There was no way he would got that right. No point in guessing either. To him it all seemed strange and the fact he wasn’t able of figuring that out wasn’t helping him. So he just sighed and went looking for his teammates. And well, he was excited more than he would admit. He was going to be part of creating actual humanoid robot with an AI in its head. _How cool is that?,_ he thought to himself, sweating of excitement and joy. And not even Oliver Queen could destroy this moment for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter. I hope you liked it even if there was not a moment between Oliver and Barry. The thing is I don’t want to rush it too quickly so I hope you will be patient. Also I’m curious whether you liked that part with riddles. Did you know them or the answers to them? Or was it really lame like I supposed it would be? If so then I apologize, I’m not good at this, but I’m trying really hard. And also there was that part with an AI humanoid robot. I know that some people would disagree with this idea, but like I said I’m not a genius and I promise, that it will have its purpose, which I hope you will like. Thank you for reading once again. It means a lot ;).


	4. It's not so simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Cisco's little talk, some hurt and pain, some shouting. This is indeed a sad chapter. A trigger warning for this I guess :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't post this right away, but time is my enemy right now, so it took some time, but here it is. Enjoy :)

Oliver was at his lab concentrating on work, but as the time flew by, it was getting more and more difficult. Trying to build an AI had really gotten into his head. It was something no one had ever done before and because of that Oliver was more determined to accomplish it. But there were times, when he was thinking about the probability of failure, which was higher than he would like. Yes, he wasn’t alone in this and he was aware of that, but for some reason he just couldn’t make himself ask for a help whenever he needed one. That was not how Oliver Queen worked. Every time he was struggling, he had to find a way by himself with no one helping him. The reason was always the same; he just didn’t want to rely on someone even with something so simple and pointless. Yes, he couldn’t say he was old, but even during such a little time, he lost more than many people in their whole lives. He lost his father, his mother and sister and he couldn’t just get rid of a feeling he would lose someone else. That was why he always kept himself at distance from everyone else, even Harry, his foster father. He remembered the day they met like it happened yesterday. He was so upset and depressed, didn’t want to see anyone anymore, because no one could help him. He was just a child, who lost his family, stupid enough to mind his behavior. Harry understood his situation and didn’t rush it, hoping that one day Oliver would find his way to him on his own. But that day had never come and now, when Oliver was a grown-up, he considered it to be too late for bonding. Although secretly the real problem was, that he was embarrassed for his behavior, terrified that Harry would mock at him. So when he put it this way, keeping himself at distance was an easier choice. He didn’t have many friends or people, who cared about him and that meant it was less likely he would got hurt. And he liked it this way…or did he?

When he heard footsteps approaching, he figured out who it was. But then again it wasn’t hard to guess who. It wasn’t like many people visited him, only the ones who had to for some reason, like Barry.

When the brunette entered the lab, Oliver didn’t give him any look or sign that he was aware of his presence. That didn’t surprise Barry at all, but Oliver immediately stopped thinking about his life and got back to reality, realizing that music from his IPod was playing. The tones of U2 songs were spreading through the lab, but in the same time, it wasn’t so loud to become unbearable. Just to help him at work, to fill in the silence that was accompanying him every day.

When Barry realized what he was hearing, he just couldn’t help but smile at the thought. The catchy melody of the song _I still haven’t found what I’m looking for_ wasn’t unknown to him and it quickly got into his head. Yet he was still amazed at the fact he and Oliver had something in common; they both clearly liked U2. And Barry could be thankful for that to his mother, who just couldn’t stop listening to their songs, whenever she was taking him to school by car. He remembered how she knew lyrics of every song and sang them, like she didn’t care about the rest of the world. She had the most beautiful voice Barry had had the luck of hearing. And at first he was laughing at her singing and considered it annoying, but when she hadn't stopped he fell under her spell and began to like this band. Soon after that, he was the same maniac of them as was she and they sang together all their songs with so much joy and energy. Yes, he was just eleven years old back then, but learning lyrics wasn’t any problem for his great mind. And when she had died, he stopped listening them, afraid that they would just remind him the pain he was feeling and make it worse. But they all stayed with him after so long time, and honestly this was for the first time he heard one of their songs again, because of Oliver. He had no idea whether he should be thankful or angry. All his life he was scared, that it would hurt, but what he was feeling right now was completely different. He realized that it hurt anyway, regardless of the band he listened to. And right now, he just couldn’t help but smile. It didn’t hurt so much as he thought, it reminded him of the good memories of his mother and that made him happy.

“U2, huh?” Barry asked with that smile on his face. Oliver tensed at the sound of his voice, but kept his calm behavior.

“Music helps me to concentrate on work. You have a problem with that?” he asked coldly.

“Not at all. Doctor Wells told me about the project. Could you tell me what our main goal is right now?” Oliver once again tensed, what Barry noticed immediately, but didn’t back down. After few moments, Oliver sighed and finally turned to face Barry.

“Not that I have much of a choice,” he complained angrily.

“You don’t, so shall we begin?” Barry smiled cunningly, what irritated Oliver so much he just wanted to snap his perfect smile off his face. But he did his best to never show what he was thinking.

“Follow me,” Oliver simply replied, clearly annoyed that he had to do this, but Barry enjoyed it more and more. Literally everyone could feel the spark between them.

* * *

 

Two weeks had passed since Barry found out about the project. And during this time Oliver and Barry’s relationship was still as sparky as before. Oliver was doing his best to avoid Barry in every way, but considering he had to work with this guy, it wasn’t as easy as he would like. Most of the time it was because of Barry’s unstoppable willingness to do everything, which was driving Oliver crazy. But even so Oliver hadn’t showed his worst parts to Barry yet, or Barry thought he hadn’t. He admired Oliver’s calm and cold look, which he had been using all the time. The only thing he wanted to do was to focus on the job. And not even Barry Allen could change that.

Meanwhile the rest of the team continued in their work peacefully. After all an AI still hadn’t been created and time was precious. So Cisco and Felicity stayed always longer at work with Oliver helping them mostly. And when it came to work with them Oliver wasn’t as ignorant and impolite as he was with Barry. Felicity found it very strange and couldn’t deduce much of it. Before Barry came Oliver’d talked only to her and Doctor Wells. He didn’t care about Cisco or Caitlin. Sometimes he exchanged a few insults with them, but Felicity certainly didn’t see him acting this way. It almost looked like Oliver knew he and Barry could become friends eventually, but wanted to do anything in his power to prevent that from happening for no reason. So he kept himself at distance, because he didn’t want to get to know him better. She knew Oliver very well, so this thought didn’t sound so unrealistic to her, although she didn’t like it honestly. If it was true, however, she would definitely do everything to change that.

“Uhm, Earth to Felicity,” Cisco said when he saw she wasn't paying any attention to what they had been doing.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something,” she immediately replied and looked back at the screen before her.

“Well, let me guess, it had something to do with our favorite members of the team?”

“How do you know?” she asked confused.

“When you have to listen to all their barking at each other, it isn’t easy to think about anything else.” And in that moment they heard Oliver and Barry’s argument, because their lab was right next to their place.

“If you just let me do something, we wouldn’t be this slow!” Barry shouted.

“You wouldn’t do anything right if a space was given to you. You don’t even know basic knowledge. Tell me what is bigger; Uranus or Neptune?”

“Your ego!” Barry shouted, which caused both Cisco and Felicity to smile.

“Well, at least I have an actual reason to have some,” Oliver replied and after that some more insults came, but Cisco and Felicity didn’t mind anymore.

“Wow, hearing this I’m beginning to think that Oliver was actually quite nice to me,” Cisco smiled.

“He can be nice,” Felicity defended him.

“In his own way, sure. C’mon, Felicity, you know that he is not good at this and somehow you are the only one worth of his nice side. But me, Caitlin and especially Barry, we are just not that lucky.”

“He is nice to Sara too.”

“I admire that girl. How she is capable of tolerating him, is beyond me. I get it with you, but Sara, she could find any man easily, so why stay with such a jerk?”

“Hey!” Felicity said with an offended voice and slapped his arm.

“What? Are you really wondering why you are still single considering you are constantly attacking me? I’ve got bruises from you, girl,” he replied and they both chuckled.

“Do you think that they will become friends in the future? Oliver and Barry?” Felicity asked after a moment of silence.

“Sure, they will. They are like Kirk and Spock from movies or Ironman and Cap. They didn’t like each other but then they somehow became friends. Oliver and Barry will do the same.”

“But these are just fictional characters, Cisco. They don’t exist.”

“Oh, you did not just say what I think you did, right?” Cisco said offended.

“I just did. C’mon, Cisco, you cannot blame me for having such a little faith in them.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, but I still think Oliver will be nicer after some time. We can wager, if you want,” Cisco remarked with a cunning smile.

“Only a fool would wager with you. I know you, Cisco Ramon, and I know that you would do anything to make them like each other just to win. No, I’m going to believe you and have faith that eventually they will be nicer to each other,” Felicity smiled mockingly.

“But where is the fun in that?” Cisco asked but he didn’t expect an answer so they both returned to their work, doing their best to ignore Oliver and Barry.

* * *

 

Barry had enough of Oliver. He was really pissing him off every day. But still for some reason, Barry believed that after more time Oliver would begin to behave better and work with him willingly. Although Barry wished it from his heart, it couldn’t had been further from truth. Yes, Oliver explained to him everything he needed about the project, but that was it. Nothing more. Barry knew the AI was going to be a girl, although the reasons why a girl remained unknown. Oliver’s job was to build her a body and Barry was supposed to help him, what wouldn’t be any problem if Oliver’d let him. Yet that seemed like too much for Oliver.

Another interesting fact was that they needed to build a body for a girl, or for an adolescent to be exact, not for a grown-up woman. Barry’d found it strange at first, but after Oliver’s explanation it became more clear. She was going to grow like a human. That meant it would be adequate if she had a body, that would match her mentality. After some time, she would have a full grown-up body, but this was a start.

Even after such a little time, Barry got time socializing with others. He actually found out that he and Cisco had a lot of things in common. They both watched the same shows and loved reading comics. Caitlin had been nice to him, always there when he needed to talk to someone. And Felicity was trying very hard… and maybe too much. Barry liked her, even her awkwardness, but every time he was with her, he kept thinking about what she'd told him about Oliver. He still hadn’t figured out how it was possible she was his friend. _Why her of all people_ , he wondered, but never came with any answer.

Oliver on the other hand still wanted to get rid of Barry, but making this project come true was more important, so he concentrated on this, but secretly he was just waiting for the right moment, for the moment when would Barry make some mistake and Oliver would take an advantage of it. But as the time flew by, Barry didn’t do anything wrong. He was willing, nice, helpful, putting his effort to everything he touched. _Perfect boy,_ Oliver frowned. Any time he saw him, Barry was smiling with that annoying smile. He hated that, he hated him. _Why does he have this irritating need to smile all the time_ , he asked himself every day, but couldn’t do anything about it.

Right now, he was at his apartment watching Daredevil on Netflix, taking some time off. After the death of his parents and becoming adult he inherited the half of their money. The other half got his sister, who was only-God-knows-where. Oliver was rich enough to get himself even a proper mansion or a private jet, but he never wanted to. He was alone and this money couldn’t change that or make him happy. He rather used it for his projects and resources to his lab. That pleased Harry, although he was sad, that Oliver wasn’t living with him anymore. Reasons why Oliver'd moved out from Harry’s house were inadequate even for Oliver. There was one time when they got into a big fight. Oliver was supposed to go on an event where would Harry meet new sponsors for STAR Labs. Before the ball was about to begin Oliver had to promise he would behave politely, but even so, he didn’t live up to his promise. That time was one of the worst moments of his life and before he even realized it, he was drunk…. again. And let’s just say, that the rest of the evening didn’t go as Wells’d wished. Oliver embarrassed him greatly, which led to a big argument. Even a drunk Oliver saw that look of disappointment written all over Harry’s face, so he left and never again participated on any event. That was the time when he stopped spending his free time with other people. He concentrated just on work and work only. With his eidetic memory, Oliver could recall every memory from his mind and he hated that. All his life he wished he would be normal like everyone else, not carrying this burden for the rest of his life. Yes, he remembered every good thing, which had happened to him with such a detail, like it was happening right now in front of his eyes, but the same could be said for the bad things. And Oliver had enough of bad things happening to him and the fact that he remembered them all and could recall them anytime overcame anything. For Oliver, the good memories held no meaning anymore, they were completely useless, not helping, not making anything better. And if he could get rid of all his memories, including the good ones, he would do that without hesitation. But he couldn’t so now he was just sort of surviving, not afraid of hell, because for him it couldn’t be worse than this.

Suddenly a knock came from the other side of the main door. Oliver, wondering who that might have been, turn off the TV and stood up to find his way to the door. Behind them he saw Sara, who looked like some catastrophe just happened and everyone they knew died, but that seemed very unlikely to Oliver, so he immediately shook the thought off.

“Hi, I didn’t know you were coming? What are you doing here?” Oliver asked confused. Sara just sighed and passed by him to his apartment. She didn’t want anyone else to hear them, although something was telling her it didn’t matter whether they talked in his apartment or in the hallway. The people would hear them anyway. But let’s just say Sara felt better in private. Although she was still shaking and sweating like never before, guilt written all over her, what Oliver noticed and deduced that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. And he wasn’t wrong.

“We need to talk,” Sara said after an awkward silence, shaking, desperately trying to find the guts to tell him the truth. After this one simple sentence Oliver knew what was coming, he wasn’t stupid. He knew something had been happening with Sara before, but never asked, thinking that if she wanted him to know she would tell him. Now when it was going to be finally revealed and she began with THAT sentence Oliver couldn’t do more than to suspect the probability of that being a good thing was now equal zero.

“About what?” Oliver said trying to not sound already broken, but something was telling him he failed.

“You know how I barely talk about my family, right?” Oliver simple nodded, keeping their eye contact still.

“Well, they lived in Vancouver and my sister too,” Sara continued but found it difficult to even think about that. Some time had passed since the accident but not enough.

“Lived?” Oliver pointed out correctly and Sara smiled at his observation. Nothing could escape it, for sure.

“My mother and father went together for a trip over the world and my mother….,” Sara did her best to not break down right there in front of him. She didn’t want to look weak, but saying that to him, to her boyfriend, made it sound real and that fact hurt even more. Oliver on the other hand wasn’t sure what to do. Other guys would immediately hug their loved ones, trying to comfort them in any way possible, but in that moment, everything Oliver felt was just anger, rage and depression. He knew what Sara was going to say, but the hurt he was feeling made it impossible for him to concentrate on her. She was going to let him go and he had no idea whether he was going to survive that.

Sara smiled at the thought that Oliver didn’t come to comfort her, not that she blamed him. She never wanted anyone to pity her and of all people on Earth she knew Oliver would be the last person, who would do that for her. Why should he? Sara never talked about her family, never mentioned any drama or problems in her life. For Oliver, she seemed happy, so there was no point in comforting her. And she was happy for that, even now after everything that had happened.

“There was a car accident when they were traveling at the night and it was raining so much, they could hardly see anything. It was only a matter of time before they crashed into another car. My father survived, but my mother didn’t,” Sara finished bravely, without breaking down. Not even a tear forming in her eyes. She’d cried enough already, she needed to be strong now, more than ever. Oliver didn’t say anything but no longer held an eye contact with her. Sara noticed that and with a big sigh finished what she had to say: “After that my father returned to Vancouver. My sister has been taking care of him since, making sure he wouldn’t drink himself to death.”

“And you need to go to Vancouver too. Do you plan to ever come back?” Oliver asked with a broken voice, already knowing the answer, but he needed to hear that from her to be sure.

“They need me, Ollie,” Sara replied keeping her eyes on him. _I need you,_ Oliver thought to himself, terrified by the thought that someone else would leave him, again, but even more horrified by the fact there was nothing he could do about it.

“No, you don’t, Ollie. You might think that, but honestly it’s not true,” Sara broke him out of his thoughts. _Did I say that out loud,_ he wondered to himself, for real this time.

“Oh, yeah? How can you be so sure about that?” The rage inside Oliver was grouping and Sara could clearly see that, although she knew Oliver and he would never lay his hand against her. If he wanted to hurt someone he would use his stupid mouth, but regardless of what he had to say, she deserved that all. She should have told him right when it all began and not waited another month to tell him. That was one of the stupidest things she had done in her life.

“Because I know you. You’ve been with me for months, but that doesn’t mean we were open to each other. We didn’t find our way completely to each other and I’m not blaming you or myself, it just wasn’t destined for us. We weren’t destined to be together and the time has come for us to accept that and move on, regardless of how hard it might be.”

“You are not thinking clearly,” Oliver stated coldly.

“Actually, I am. For a long time I haven’t been, but right now I am. I know what you’ve been through, Ollie, and I’m sorry for your loss, but despite everything you might think you can be happy with someone after all, but not with me. You need someone who would ruin that wall you build to protect yourself, someone you would open up yourself completely, someone you would completely trust. And I tried to be that person, but I realized that I could never become one, not for you. Don’t give up, Ollie, there is always a hope.”

“Hope? That word is becoming more and more ridiculous. For how long have you known what happened to your family?”

“A month.”

“Did you wanted to break up with me and leave me here before that happened?” Rage was now written all over his features. Sara had no idea what to tell him. The truth? Or lie? It wouldn’t make much difference.

“There were times when I was thinking about it, yeah,” she said and looked at the ground, preventing a tear coming from her eye.

“My whole life I’ve been wondering why all bad things happen to me, but I never figured it out. Then I met you and Felicity and everything seemed so different and better. I was actually happy with you, Sara, I truly was, but if you really doubted our relationship before, you should have said something, so I wouldn’t have come to care so much. That would make it hurt less, but considering you haven’t just made everything worse. And I know that I shouldn’t blame you, because you lost your mother, but that doesn’t change the fact you hurt me, Sara. Now please get out of my house,” Oliver stated coldly, but Sara didn’t move.

“Ollie, I…”

“I said get out! And never come back!,” Oliver shouted at her and after that Sara didn’t have anything to say, because nothing would make it better. She did enough, Oliver did enough and there was now time for them to let go of each other. There was no other outcome.

When Sara walked out of the door, Oliver stayed in the middle of the room, barely moving, his heart beating and forehead sweating. After a while he came over to a wall where Felicity got him pictures of him and Sara together. He never had any desire to have pictures of his loved ones hanging anywhere, but Felicity made him do it. Now he gave them his hurt, cold look and with one strike of rage threw them down on the ground. The glass shattered, but that held no meaning to him. He slid down on the ground leaning on the wall, holding his head between hands. Then he took one big piece of glass and bring it next to his other hand. Everyone would suspect that what caused him this pain was the break up, but it was something different in fact. Someone was leaving him again and that was what made him so upset. His father left him, his mother left him and eventually his sister did too. Sara was another one and that could not be coincidence. It meant that he was never going to be happy in this world regardless of what he would do. Fate just didn’t like him. So he slid that piece of glass on his hand slightly but enough to make it bleed. Hot drops of his blood were streaming down his hand, causing him pain, that made him at least for a little moment forget what just happened. And it wasn’t for the first time he tried to get rid of his suffering by causing another pain. He even created an invention just to make him feel pain. The only thing he needed to do was to put it on his skin and touch the button. The invention was supposed to send shocks to his body multiple times. The shocks weren’t strong enough to damage his body in any way, but causing him unspeakable pain they managed perfectly. And fortunately, after everything they left no sign on his body behind. It was like he had never used his invention and he was the only one who knew about it. But this one time he wanted to make sure that this moment was laid out in stone. He wanted a constant reminder that this was the day when he could finally see nothing was ever going to change. This was the day he had given up on ever becoming happy.

* * *

 

“So what are we going to watch today?” Iris asked, excited.

“Right now I don’t really care, because I’m just so glad that I’m home,” Barry said taking a bite of his pizza. This was one of the days when him, Iris and Joe together spent the evening watching movies and it was the only time when Barry hadn’t been thinking about the work. He could finally relax and enjoy the movie even if it was the most horrible movie of all time.

“What? Does Oliver occupy your whole brilliant brain, that you are not even capable of thinking clearly?” Iris asked mockingly.

“Oliver Queen? Harry mentions him all the time and not in the good way, to be honest,” Joe remarked as he sat down beside them.

“Well, because there isn’t really anything good about him,” Barry replied.

“Maybe there is and you haven’t found it, yet. You have known him like for just a couple of weeks. Yes, he is not as open and nice as you would like but that doesn’t mean he is a bad person, Barry,” Iris said.

“That might be true, but when you have to work with someone who makes you aware of his hate for you repeatedly, you have no other option than just hate him too. I actually understand why Barry doesn’t want to work with him.”

“I understand that too. I would feel the same, but I’m just saying that I think Oliver wants you to believe he is a bad person, but the truth could be different,” Iris remarked.

“Look, Iris, I’m having really hard time at work and most of the time it is his fault. Now I’m home with the two most important people in my life, so do you think that I want to talk about Oliver?” Barry asked.

“OK, then we should talk about Charlie,” Iris asked mockingly once again.

“Now that is new. Who is it?” Joe joined.

“No one. Just a girl who works at STAR Labs,” Barry replied avoiding their looks.

“A girl, who obviously has a crush on you. Every time I was at STAR Labs she was doing everything in her power just to make you notice her. She always smiles at you and I saw her blushing multiple times,” Iris explained.

“I think you are hallucinating then,” Barry protested.

“Well, then ask her on a date and we will see.”

“I will not.”

“Why? Don’t you like her?” Joe asked.

“No, it’s not like that. I like her, but I can’t ask her on a date, because if it went well she would want to go on another date, which means we would eventually become a couple.”

“Yeah, that kinds of things happen when you are dating someone,” Joe said.

“But I don’t want to go on a date. Not yet,” Barry replied with a depressed thought, thinking back at the last time he opened up to someone. Both Iris and Joe got how he meant that. For them it wasn’t easy either, seeing Barry drowning in his depressions every day, wanting to give up on everything. And even after two years, Barry couldn’t become fully himself again. They didn’t blame him, but he needed to make step forward to move on. And it was time, now or never.

“Look, Barry, I know that what happened still matters to you greatly, but you can’t spend the rest of your life alone. The only way to move on is to take a new chance. And I know you may think that regardless of who you are dating, this person is never going to be better than her. You are right. Maybe you will never find someone like her, or maybe you will, no one can know that for sure. But I’m sure of one thing; you can be happy, Barry, as you once were. You just have to move on and you will find that one person who will make you happy. I’m not saying that is going to be Charlie, but you must begin somewhere and it’s time to start,” Iris smiled. Barry didn’t reply anything. They just all sat there in complete silence until Joe decided what they were going to watch. But even so Barry couldn’t pay his full attention to that movie. All that time he was thinking of what Iris just told him and after a while he managed to convince himself to ask Charlie on a date. Even if she said no, he needed to make a step forward and finally leave past behind. It was the damn time.

* * *

 

Most of the time Barry was doing his best to not come late to work, but with his undeniable luck no one was ever sure with him. There were days when he came on time and the days when he couldn’t do anything to come on time. It was frustrating but non-of his co-workers minded. It just seemed hilarious to them. And after all Barry was doing his work fine, so there was really nothing to complain about. But this day he actually came on time, still shaking and thinking of what he was going to tell Charlie. He hadn’t asked someone on a date for a long time and he was afraid that he'd forgotten how to do that. But there was no coming back from this. It was now or never, like Iris said.

Charlie was the first person he was seeing every day at work and she always gave him that warming smile, which made Barry’s life better, but that held no meaning, because Oliver destroyed that in no time. But now it was going to be different. No Oliver Queen existed in Barry’s world in this moment, just him and Charlie.

“Hi, Charlie,” he greeted her, when he entered the building.

“Hi, today on time? Was it just luck or should I be flattered?” She joked innocently.

“Well, that depends. Do you have anything to do tonight?” he asked nervously.

“Why are you asking?” she smiled cunningly, but to be honest Barry didn’t find it as entertaining. He was sweating and shaking and he wanted to have this awkward moment behind. Charlie perfectly knew what he wanted to say, but didn’t do anything to help him. That got him thinking if it was really such a good idea…

“I was just wondering, if you…. uh, would want to… go on a date with me?” he managed to say. Charlie smiled and replied blushing: “I would like that, Barry.” And in that moment it was like a huge stone fell from Barry’s chest. He sighed greatly and finally smiled, glad that it was behind him.

“Great, so I will call you,” Barry said and went on his way to lab, still trembling and sweating from what had just happened. But even so he was glad that he'd asked her. She was really nice to him and that was everything he needed. Sometimes all it takes is just one person who smiles at you, talks to you with no pressure, no greater reason and your day is already better. And Barry needed that. He needed better days, because he had enough days of mourning and grieving. Iris was right, it was time for him to start living again. And a date with Charlie was a first step. Sure, there was always a possibility it would never work out, but either way he was willing to take it.

Today no music was playing in the lab, no song from U2 or any other band. Barry found it odd. Oliver was listening to something every day so why today was so different? Barry intended to find out. He entered the lab and saw Oliver sitting on the couch with a book in his hands. At first Barry believed he was reading, but when he dared to come closer, he could see that Oliver wasn’t paying any attention. Those ocean-blue eyes couldn’t lie. Oliver could had been acting coldly all the time without any care, but he never managed to make his eyes saying that too. Barry felt that something bad had happened and even when he was 100% sure he was going to regret asking, he dared anyway.

“Are you alright, Ollie?” Oliver blinked at the question. Barry called him _Ollie_ for some reason and before it hadn’t really mattered, but now it was different. The only three people who called him like that were Sara, his sister Thea and his best friend from childhood, Tommy and all of them were gone, never coming back. Even after years it still hurt like it had happened yesterday. His perfect memory made sure of that.

“I’m fine,” Oliver replied coldly without giving Barry any look. Rage was still spreading like a cancer through his body, but he didn’t want to show it. Leaving his problems inside him and never telling anything about them to others always seemed easier and right to him. But Barry just wouldn’t let go.

“No, you are not. You just don’t want to talk about it but something clearly happened.”

“Something happens every day. And today is nothing special.”

“Really? Why can’t I be the judge of that?”

“I don’t need your help, Allen. I can handle my own problems. And even if I couldn’t why would I want to tell you about it?”

“Because sometimes talking about it helps more than you realize.”

“Don’t you think I tried that? I have been talking and talking with everyone who was willing to listen about my problems and it never helped.”

“That doesn’t mean it will never help, Ollie.”

“Don’t you ever dare call me like that again!” Oliver shouted. He had enough of Barry’s kind words, which were supposed to support him. He did not wish to talk about any of this. He wanted Barry gone, forever from his life and the only way how he was going to accomplish that popped up in his mind. But even so Barry could clearly see Oliver being at his worst, he didn’t back down, not even blinked, because he knew what Oliver was feeling and he wanted to help him. For some reason Barry felt like he needed to do that.

“You want to know what my problem is? Fine, I’ll say it; YOU are my problem. I was totally fine before you showed up and made me like this. I had my peace, my place, where no one could interrupt me. Now I have you asking annoying questions, talking all the time and trying to befriend me. Newsflash, I don’t want to be your friend. You are of no use for me. You’ve been here for a couple of weeks and you haven’t done anything right. Even if I did let you work you screwed up, which means you are a burden and nothing else. But I expected that much, which was why I protested when Harry hired you. Look around you, Allen, this is STAR Labs, a place where the greatest minds work so they would make a difference in this dark world. And you are a forensic scientist. People like you don’t deserve to work here.” Barry could feel from Oliver’s voice hurt, but in the same time he believed every word Oliver had said. Barry was no asset to the team and he knew it but somehow kept rejecting it and hoped it would change after time.

“You may be right, but you could have thought this since I came here. I gave you multiple opportunities to say such things. The fact you are saying this now tells me that something happened. And I’m sorry, Ollie, I really am. I know you already lost too many people and it will never get easier. I know exactly how you feel.” After that a mocking laugh came from Oliver’s side.

“Everyone’s been saying that to me for some reason. That they feel sorry for my loss, that they know what it can do to a person, but let me get this straight, you have no idea what it feels like! You have a perfect life, a family and nothing to complain about! You even have the luxury of going on dates! I’ve been hearing that since you came; ‘Oliver, why are you being such a dick to Barry? He doesn’t deserve it.’ You sure made an impression on that girl, good for you. And honestly not just on her. ‘Why can’t you be more like Barry, Oliver?’ That is a very interesting question and the answer is simple; I would rather die than to be like you.” Oliver continued interpreting conversations like these, with his memory it wasn’t any problem and he could see that Barry was starting to lose his patience.

“You don’t like what you are hearing? Then I’m sorry, but this is something that losing people did to me. I could never smile and laugh at every single stupid thing and pretend like life is light and perfect. You may have that luxury of living happy life, but I don’t. You can’t know what it feels like!” Oliver stated angrily. In that time Barry’s temper was rising up quicker than ever before. He could not take it anymore, so he embraced all that anger and slapped Oliver’s perfect cheekbone with all his strength, what left Oliver completely speechless. Even when he didn’t show it, it hurt like hell and he had never imagined that Barry was capable of doing something like that.

“You think you know everything, that no secret can be a surprise for you, but in real life you have no idea what is happening around you. Because you don’t care about anything else, but yourself. You lost your father, mother and sister when you were a child and that means no one is worthy to be your friend. Everyone should pity you, because you keep thinking that no one had such a tough life like you did. Do you really think that I don’t know what it feels like? My mother was murdered when I was eleven years old. Police came to a conclusion that it was my father who had killed he, so they put him in a prison for that. And he’s been there since then. I had to grow up with Joe and Iris as my only family. I didn’t have any friends, because I had to listen to their taunts and mocking. And no one stood by me, but Iris. When I finally accepted everything and started to believe that my story could have a happy ending, the life once again found another way how to make me suffer. I lost my girlfriend after two years of living with her. But then again that is nothing compared to your suffering, am I right? You are a hypocrite, Oliver Queen. I may have no perfect memory, which can recall everything that has happened to me, but believe me, I wish I could forget all of this just like you,” Barry said putting on his jacket. He had enough of Oliver. And right before he wanted to head for the doors, Doctor Wells came.

“Would you two be so kind and tell me what the hell is going on?” he asked angrily.

“I can, actually,” Barry spoke up taking his stuff. “After a small fight with Oliver I came to a conclusion, that you would all be better without me. So that is why I’m leaving.”

“What?” Wells asked with an unbelieving voice.

“I don’t want to work in a place, where I am not wanted. I’m sure you can understand that.”

“And I’m sure you know Oliver’s been like this since I know him. He didn’t mean any of the things he said like you think.” With that Barry looked once again at Oliver who refused to look at him back. That was definitely a sign, which Barry needed.

“I think I know exactly what he meant, Doctor Wells. I promise I won’t tell anyone about your secret project, but I don’t want to be part of it anymore. After all I’m just a burden,” Barry replied coldly and left the lab. Harry sighed deeply and turn around to face Oliver, who was still afraid to raise his head.

“Even when I think you can’t surprise me any more, you always find a way,” Harry stated.

“He was completely useless, don’t tell me you didn’t consider firing him,” Oliver replied raising his head so he would meet Harry’s eyes. What he saw there made him feel even worse. That disappointed look immersed into Oliver’s soul and made him feel so…. alone. After a long time he suddenly felt like he’d done a wrong thing.

“Even if that was true, you are not in charge in here, I am, which means you can’t make everyone who isn’t to your tastes leave!” Harry knew this day would come sooner or later, but somehow, he managed to hope that Oliver hadn’t been like that. He wanted to believe that Oliver still had something good in him, but right now he refused to even try. He had enough.

“What have I ever done to you to deserve this, huh?” Oliver stayed silent, interrupting him would make everything even worse. “You were in the orphanage. No one wanted you because of your behavior, but I didn’t care and took you. That day I promised myself that I would take care of you and make you believe in a happy life again. And I kept trying. I gave you everything you wanted. I saw something in your eyes and I couldn’t go to sleep before I had gotten it for you. I gave you this job, which you love. And you never even said thank you, but I was alright with that because I was doing it for you and that was all that mattered to me. But now I’m done. No more.” Oliver had never heard Harry speak so coldly and it scared him more than he was willing to admit.

“So do me a favor and get the hell out of this place.”

“You are firing me?!” Oliver asked with a taunting voice.

“Is that such a bad thing? You see, I don’t want you here, Oliver, and I am not willing to work with someone I don’t like. Do I remind you of someone?” Oliver gave him a look that could kill but Harry’s disappointed look was giving him bigger suffering.

“Get out of here and never come back,” Harry stated once again when Oliver wasn’t moving. After a few seconds of silence Oliver took his stuff and silently left. Harry rubbed his eyes and sat down with a great sigh coming from his mouth. This was definitely not how he’d imagined this day would go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter even though it was kind of sad, but don't lose hope. They will eventually find a way to each other. And I hope you are not mad at me for making them love U2, because I admire this band and listen to their songs all the time. Also I know that having eidetic memory or photography memory doesn’t mean he can remember everything that has happened to him forever and that it is probably just a myth but in this story it is real. Oliver remembers completely everything in his life with a perfect detail. I hope everything is clear. And I also apologize if some characters are not acting like themselves (like in the shows), but I hope it is not that bad, because I'm trying really hard.... So I guess that's it for now. Till next time :)


	5. No more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another sad chapter. Some flashbacks and thinking of the past. Barry's date with Charlie. Oliver is barely taking everything that has been happening to him. A trigger warning for this chapter :(.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello again :). Here is another chapter after a longer break time. Sorry for that, but I either had a little writer's block or I had too much work with school. Damn school :D. Enjoy the new chapter.

Oliver rushed out of the lab furious like never before. He passed by Felicity without even noticing her, but unfortunately for him, she did.

„Oliver, is something wrong? What happened to your hand?“ she asked grabbing his hand covered by a bandage. Oliver pulled away immediately before she could take a better look at his wound.

„I’m fine,“ he stated coldly.

„Let me help,“ she protested, confused by his behavior.

„I don’t need your help!“ he shouted angrily. _Why can’t anyone leave me alone,_ he asked himself quietly. „Everyone’s been so eager on helping me and no one’s managed to do so. I know you want to fix everything, but some things can’t be fixed, Felicity, and it’s time for you to accept that. Friendship with me is like a play with fire. You come too close, you get burned, regardless of your desires.“

„I don’t care about that. I want to help you in any way possible, because I can’t walk calmly on this world, when I know something bothers you. It doesn’t matter how many times I will get burned. I can handle that.“

„But I can’t,“ Oliver said and without any other word he left the building. Felicity stood there completely speechless, having no idea what had just happened. But she knew it had to be something serious, because she could not recall the last time she saw him acting like that. Her mind was full of worries, various scenarios of what could’ve happened, but that held no meaning. She could just hope Oliver was going to be alright. But there was no certainty in that.

* * *

 

Imagine yourself, trying to live your life the best way there is possible. Without any exaggerated drama or worries. Just you, your family and friends doing everything that makes you happy. And then one day you meet a person, who reminds you who you really are, what you’ve been through and what damage it has done to your soul. And now you know that person didn’t say all those things because it was true, but because he’d needed to make you angry. And you are feeling horrible, the rage, the anger is running through your veins. You don’t recognize yourself anymore, because you haven’t felt like this for a long time. You’ve been trying to live your life happily, pushing all your problems away, keeping every sorrow deep hidden so no one could see it. And all you needed was just one person who had made you realize how utterly broken you are. You’ve been hoping that time can heal everything, but your soul is so damaged, your heart has so many scars, that you lost count of them, that nothing can make you feel better. Nothing can heal you. You’d thought that after so much time the pain would be easier to bear, but regardless of the passed time, it still hurts the same. And there is nothing you can do about it. You’ve been proved that you are not normal, maybe you never were so you have to stop acting like everything is alright and normal. And you would do that but you can’t get rid of the feeling that if you did, part of yourself, which everyone loves would be gone. You don’t want to change but you are still afraid that there is no other way.

And this was how Barry Allen felt. And he wanted nothing more than just lie down on his bed, not caring about the outside world. And he was going to do that, but suddenly a knock came from behind his door and although he he’d wanted nothing more than just ignore it, he went there and open them. His face gained confused look when an IT girl with blonde ponytail walked into his appartment.

„Felicity, what are you doing here?”

„Helping you, I guess. Although Oliver did not want my help, that doesn’t mean you are the same. You are just too good to tell me to get out,“ she smiled, but he didn’t return it, which made her believe that something really serious had happened.

„I saw Oliver rushing out of the STAR Labs and acting strangely, well I mean more than usual... What happened?“ Felicity softly asked.

„Nothing new. He just reminded me that what’s happened to me cannot be forgotten, I guess. No matter how hard I try I can’t make it go away.“

„But even if bad things happen to you, they all makes you who you are, which is a wonderful person, whom everyone loves.“

„But I’m living in an illusion, Felicity. And maybe it’s time for me to accept that and stop pretending. Oliver does that and maybe I should do the same.“

„Yeah, but it’s not like it’s his choice.“

„What?“ Barry asked, confused.

„Do you really think that if there was a chance of happy life for him, he wouldn’t take it? Barry, when he was younger he was in a lot of things like you; nice, sweet, caring, wonderful boy, which had everything he wanted and when he had lost his family, these things didn’t vanish. They just hid for a while because there was no place for them. But I can’t say he’s been just depressed and sorrowful since then. He’s had his nice moments with Doctor Wells, but only a few. Eventually his grief got back to him.“

„I didn’t know.“

„You know I’ve never told you how I met him. It’s an interesting story and I think you’ll like it. It was when I finished my college. I came her to Central City to look for a job, but no one wanted me. I guess they weren’t fond of my behavior and clothing style. And I was new in town, so of course I got lost after a short time. And before I’d panicked to death I saw Jitters. I went there to find out where I was and to ask for directions. Guess who was sitting there?“

„You can’t be serious. Oliver was there? I didn’t think he’s even known this place.“

„He goes there everyday, just not at the same time as you.“

„Why is that so unsurprising?“ Barry asked with an ironic smile.

„He was right there sitting and typing on his laptop. I could have asked anyone, but I wanted to ask him. So I came to him and....“

_„Hi, sorry to bother you, but I’m kind of lost and I need to find....“_

_„If you are sorry, then why are you asking me?“ Oliver asked, not letting her even finish one sentence._

_„Excuse me?“ Felicity replied, confused._

_„You heard me. Look around you, there is plenty of people here who are not even doing something important, just talking about crap that is not interesting. Why can’t you ask them?“ Oliver replied without even laying eyes on her._

_„And why exactly can’t you help me? What is so important that you are not even capable of saying this directly to me?“_

_“Not of your damn business,” he stated coldly. Although Felicity would normally walk away without thinking about it further, this time she intended to stay and find out more about this a-little-rude stranger. So she carefully looked at the screen of his laptop, trying so hard to not get him to notice her. However, Oliver was truly aware of what she was doing. But he didn’t pay any more attention to it, because the chance she would understand a single word, which was written there, was really small. Or at least that was what he’d thought when he’d first seen her. He’d noticed her before she came to him and asked him for directions, but he didn’t show it. Yet she wasn’t special in any way for him, because the fact he was looking at people around him were a common thing. Somehow he found it interesting, looking at them, guessing what they are like, noticing the slightest details, which would everyone else miss. He wasn’t always right with his deduction, but where would be the fun in that if he was? And today Felicity’d caught his eyes, even though she had no idea about it. But figuring out her character was really giving him a headache. She was wearing glasses, which could have meant her sight either was not alright, and he found this option more likely, or she wanted to look smart. Oliver believed some people would do that, but even though he had no idea who this girl was, he didn’t suspect that was her case. But there were other cases, which occupied his mind. She could wear contact lenses after all, but she didn’t. Somehow Oliver felt like that glasses were part of herself and that was why she was wearing them. Or maybe she didn’t want to bother with the contact lenses. There were so many possibilities and Oliver had no clue which one could be right._

_And her hair was not loose, she had a ponytail. Did that mean she didn’t want her hair to stay in way of seeing clearly? Then the best solution would be definitely snipping them off, but that thought Oliver immediately let go, because by the looking at her clothes she seemed like she cared about her look. And Oliver wanted to find out more about this girl, but for some reason she started to make her way to him and he was forced to let go of his game._

_Now he was trying to concentrate on his work, but she was still there looking at his screen and that was really distracting and across the line._

_Felicity wanted to go, but the things she’d seen on Oliver’s screen made her stay immediately. He was obviously trying to figure out probabilistic planning of machines, which is making decisions using observability defined for the space of beliefs instead of states. And as she was reading and reading she noticed he had a mistake there. She could let him alone to figure that out by himself, but somehow she couldn’t manage to convince herself to do that._

_“Uhm, I’m sorry to break it for you, but you have a mistake here,” she said seriously, but secretly she couldn’t help but smile at the thought she was the one remarking on his mistake. Oliver frowned without looking back at her, he just kept staring at the screen._

_“Don’t be ridiculous,” he mumbled but it was loud enough for her to hear._

_“I’m being serious. Look here, you’ve got here written that_ _Markov decision process makes decisions based on a set of observations and observation probabilities. But that is not true, because it doesn’t include the observation set, because the agent always knows with certainty_ _the environment's current state. A partially observable Markov decision process is a generalization of a Markov decision process, which can do that,“ Felicity stated very quickly and because of that most of the people wouldn’t have any clue what she was saying, but Oliver wasn’t normal. He was special for some reason to Felicity even though she didn’t know him. She has been always getting these feelings from people she’s been meeting and most of the time her theories were right. Even now when Oliver clearly hadn’t made the best impression, she somehow fell for him and believed that he had a golden heart._

_Oliver was impressed by the words that came from Felicity’s mouth. One thing was that he had never imagined girl like her would even know such things, but the second thing made some impact on him too, because she was actually right. He had this mistake written there. It wasn’t like he didn’t know all these facts, but he’d just made a mistake. Everyone does that and no matter how much he thought he was different, there were some things he had in common with ordinary people. And he hated that._

_Oliver smiled, for the first time properly looked at Felicity and asked: „What did you say your name was again?“ Felicity’s cheeks immediately blushed from the smile Oliver gave her and the fact he really payed attention to what she was saying. She never had many friends and even fewer understood her fully and listened to her bubbling. And those who did, she had to leave behind and she missed them everyday, but with Oliver she had a feeling this could be a new chance for her, a new chapter. So she returned him that smile and replied: „Felicity. Smoak.“_

_„Oliver. Queen,“ Oliver stated, trying to imitate the nervous IT girl in front of him. She really did make an impression on him. He could see the potential in her, which would make her a great effort to the team. So yeah, the idea she would work with him popped up in his head sooner than he’d realized._

„What happened then?“ Barry asked, immersed deep in the story.

“We talked and talked, or in fact I was the one talking and he was just listening to me most of the time. I told him about my current situation and he offered me a job at S.T.A.R. Labs. Although it wasn’t official, because he needed Wells’ approval, it was for sure the best thing that had happened to me back then. Thanks to that I met people who understand me and are my big friends and meeting Oliver has been the best thing that’d ever happened in my life,” Felicity smiled softly.

“It seems to me like you are talking about a completely different person,” Barry stated.

“You may think that, but to be honest, you can’t be further from the truth. Oliver is acting coldly and pretends he doesn’t care, but deep inside he has a heart, which is beating quietly. And you just have to give it a chance to hear it.”

“Easy for you to say. All you had to do was to say the right words and you were friends.”

“Ok, I admit that I got lucky because he’d made a mistake in his work, but you are wrong if you think that we’ve been friends ever since. Back at the Jitters, he was nice, because he wanted me on the team, but the first day I walked in to the S.T.A.R. Labs building he was once again acting like I was no one, like we’d never met. And when I asked about it, he stated our relationship is strictly professional and he is not interested in talking with me more than is necessary,” Felicity said, trying to imitate Oliver’s serious voice, which made Barry smile.

“Then how did you achieve it? How did you become his best friend?”

“The same way ordinary people do; I just didn’t let go of him,” she smiled. Back then she was really keen on getting to know Oliver better, so she’d taken every chance to speak with him. At first he was really resilient and it took her several convincing to make him even look at her, but after some time, he did give her his second look and that was all she needed. A great new friendship began and she was sure this one would last forever.

“I tried this technique, Felicity, and look where it got me. I have always dreamed of working at S.T.A.R. Labs and I never would have imagined I would let it go just because I had a fight with my co-worker.”

“People have to try new things, don’t they? Speaking of which, Charlie told me you asked her on a date tonight?” Felicity smiled.

“And I’m going to stop you right there, because after what happened today I don’t feel like going on a date anymore. I’m not even sure if I’ve ever felt like it before,” Barry said rubbing his eyes.

“C’mon, Barry, don’t be like this. Don’t let here Batman ruin your night.”

“He already did, Felicity,” Barry said with a barely half-smile, which didn’t make her satisfied.

“Only if you let him, Barry. And besides, Charlie wanted to go on a date with you so much and it would be really sad, if you break it for her.”

“Nothing I say will stop you from trying to convince me?” Barry said with a small smile. Although it sounded more like a statement than a question, Felicity replied anyway: “Nope, in things like these I’m more stubborn than Oliver, which is really hard in fact. Anyway, I want you to go find yourself a charming outfit, which will make Charlie swoon and to go on that dinner without thinking about Oliver. Got it?” Felicity commanded.

“Roger that.”

“Great,” Felicity finished and then a strange sound came to her ears. It sounded like a bee or something like that were in the room. Felicity looked around the room and it didn’t take her long before she saw the source of that sound. A wasp was climbing on the window, trying to get outside to its freedom.

“I hate those things,” Felicity stated and came closer to the window. She opened it and with a little bit of cursing she let the wasp go.

“They appear here from time to time, but nothing serious,” Barry stated and Felicity dropped the topic. After that she left Barry’s apartment, trying to figure out where Oliver might be. Because with him no one was ever sure. He’s been always the best at surprising people, whether it was in a good way or a bad way.

Barry still didn’t feel well for going on that date, but Felicity would probably kill him if he didn’t go, so there was no going back from it. Although he promised he would stop thinking about Oliver and focus on what is really important, he still couldn’t get him out of his head. Barry didn’t regret anything he’d said. He was still pissed off at Oliver for saying what he said, making him leave, but some small part of him still believed Oliver deserved a second chance. Whether Barry was going to do it or not, that remained unknown. So he stood up and went to his closet to find the right outfit for tonight. 

* * *

 

It was already dark. Sun was no longer visible on the sky and the building of S.T.A.R. Labs also seemed empty. No one was there anymore, except for Oliver. Yes, Harry’d fired him today, but considering Oliver was his foster son, he was still the co-owner of S.T.A.R. Labs. He had the keys, so there was really nothing that could stop him from entering his lab once again and he’s been doing it every night. Every night he’s been coming there and working on his projects and inventions until his tired eyes wouldn’t let him continue. And even then, he’s been always trying to fight them, because it was after all a better option then going to sleep. He was afraid of his nightmares, that had been hunting him almost every night of his miserable life. And nights spent like this, just working, helped. Yes, thinking clearly after so much work was not easy, but even so Oliver couldn’t stop, couldn’t make himself fall asleep. Not when he knew what exactly was waiting for him.

But tonight was different. He hadn’t come here to work, because he no longer saw the purpose. This was no longer his place, the people here hated him and he hated himself in fact too. And even sipping of his scotch didn’t make it as easier as he would want. With his perfect memory he could perfectly recall even every time he’d been drunk before but he also remembered that during that state his brain was not working as it should. During that time he was actually capable of thinking of the good memories he held in his head. And although many people would say that is a good thing, he disagreed. And to make him feel better the words that Barry’d said to him today made such a big impact on him, that he still wasn’t over it.

 _You think you know everything, that no secret can be a surprise for you, but in real life you have no idea what is happening around you._ His words were resounding in his head over and over again. But what really mattered was how Barry’s voice sounded while he was saying it. That hatred, that anger all aimed against him. Because of that he felt more horrible than in a long time, which was really strange. If someone close to him said something like that it held some meaning, a big one in fact, but he’d met Barry only a couple of weeks ago and he’d barely spoken to him since then. And most of the time they were just arguing and nothing more, so why did he felt so.... different when it came to him? Why did he have this feeling that he could trust him with everything? Because he also went through something like Oliver did? Was that the reason? Or was there something more? He had no idea. All he knew was that the longer he knew Barry, the more he wanted to find out about him, the more he wanted to become his friend. And for some reason it was starting to get really difficult to push him away all the time and to be so mean at him. Oliver didn’t want to behave like that but it was needed. There was no other outcome. He couldn’t care about another person in his life, that would only make things harder. Another close person to him meant only another possible pain.

But Barry was not the only one, who was occupying Oliver’s mind today. Pictures of his past were coming and leaving his mind, causing him so much pain he could hardly take it.

 _“You need to let go of me, Oliver.“_ Father’s voice echoed in his head, but it felt so distant, like he was so far away and yet the memory was so vivid.

_„But why can’t you stay?“ little Oliver asked with a tear coming out from his eye._

_„I just need to take care of something, boy, but I promise that when I come back, I will be always at your side, whenever you need me. But I need a favor from you. You have to take care of your mother and Thea. Can you promise me that?“ Oliver nodded trying so hard not to break down and Father smiled at him for the last time, making his way to the boat. But that small boy just couldn’t let go. Even when the boat was already leaving, Oliver ran behind it, keeping an eye contact with his father still until the sea separated them. And even after that he didn’t stop looking and waving  by his hand until the boat was so far away his eyes could hardly see it. And that was the last time he saw his father._ Then the memory was suddenly gone as quickly as it’d come and before Oliver could catch another breath and swallow it, another one followed.

_Oliver were running around the room with Thea on his shoulders, laughing and screaming. The sound of her voice had always warmed his heart, so he was taking every chance just to hear her laugh again._

_„Oliver, let go of your sister,“ Mom said, when she walked in. Although her voice was not so demanding, Oliver did as he was told._

_„But, Mom, Oliver knows what he is doing and I trust him,“ Thea’s little squeaky voice protested._

_“When is Dad coming home?” Oliver asked._

_“Soon, my dear. Just wait a little longer and he will be here sooner than you realize it,” she smiled and stroked his hair._

_“I just miss him,” Oliver stated._

_“I know, Oliver. I miss him too.” Oliver then looked at his mother but the woman he called Mom was not there, not anymore. A scream full of fear and horror came from his mouth when his eyes laid on hanged Moira. The life was no longer flowing in her body, his mother was gone, forever. And there was nothing he could do to bring her back._ Darkness once again covered his memory and Oliver found himself in the lab of S.T.A.R. labs, remembering why he’d come here. He looked at the mirror, which was hanging on the wall and all he could see was a damaged person. And he hated what he saw, it was driving him mad. He wished he would be like Barry more than ever before, so he would  just accept everything that had happened to him and be able of living his life like a normal person.

 _“You may think you are a bad person, but that doesn’t mean I think that too,”_ Felicity’s voice echoed in his head.

 _“Even if people think that you are strange, to hell with them. You are unique, Oliver, and you have the strength to conquer the world. Don’t ever forget that,”_ Harry’s voice also appeared.

“ _You need someone who would ruin that wall you build to protect yourself, someone you would open up yourself completely, someone you would completely trust,”_ Sara’s voice was the last one to follow, because he had enough of these kind words. They meant nothing to him, because they were never true. They were supposed to make him feel better, but it wasn’t working and more and more words like these were still appearing in his mind. He could not take it anymore. In a matter of second he exploded and smashed the mirror before him with all his strength. The pieces of glass shattered. He took one of them and once again looked at his reflection. The pain he was feeling didn’t want to disappear. It was still there and he was tired of fighting, of trying so hard to move on, when it was clearly impossible. He wanted that pain gone, forever, more than anything…. 

* * *

 

Barry was already at the restaurant, wearing dark jeans and blue shirt so he wouldn’t look so formal. The reastaurant he picked was right next to S.T.A.R. Labs, which he no longer found as a good idea, because while he was waiting for Charlie, his mind was still in that building playing that moment with Oliver over and over again. Oh god, how he hated himself for that. Why he couldn’t think of something else, anything to be honest, was beyond him. It was something he couldn’t simply figure out and that fact was confusing him, because he had never had problem with things like this. But today was probably a bad day for him, no matter how hard he tried.

After a few more minutes, he saw Charlie entering the restaurant and as she came closer to the table he stood up greeting her properly as he was supposed to. She looked beautiful. Her blonde curly hair released on her shoulders, blue dress that were perfectly matching the color of her eyes, but like Barry it was not so formal, perfect for a first date.

“Hi, I’m glad you’ve come. And you look beautiful,” Barry smiled and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself, either,” she returned that smile and sat down. “So what are we having?”

“Uh, I ordered us water, because I wasn’t sure what you would want,” Barry struggled with words.

“Water is perfect,” she said trying to make him relax a bit, but she failed miserably. After that they were both silent. Neither of them knew what to say, because they were both thinking about the same thing; argument with Oliver. Barry could see she wanted to ask about it, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. And even though he hadn’t wished to talk about it, he thought that maybe it could help him.

“I know that you probably want to ask me about today,” he stated with a weak smile.

“No no no, I don’t. I just want you to feel comfortable and have a good time. I don’t care about what we are going to talk about.” But this didn’t satisfy him. She was just saying that to please him, but it wasn’t working. He knew she was interested in this topic. Or was he fooling himself just because he was in fact the one who wanted to talk about it? He had no idea and before he could answer these unspoken questions in his head, his phone rang. Normally, he would probably decline the incoming call and wonder why he hadn’t turn it off before, but the fact that Felicity was calling made everything different. After all, she knew he was having a date tonight so why was she calling him during it? It really seemed strange and though he didn’t want to be that kind of guy who is calling with someone else during dates, some feeling inside him was telling him he should pick it up and so he did. He excused himself from Charlie and moved off from the table. And when he answered the phone, he certainly hadn’t been expecting this would happen.

“Felicity, what’s going on?” Barry asked automatically, but he couldn’t get a straight answer from her right away. Her voice sounded scared and like she’s been crying.

“Barry, you need to come here quickly, please,” she begged with sobs.

“Slow down, Felicity, tell me what happened.” Barry was out of clue and he needed to know what was going on, though he was sure it had to be something really serious.

“It’s Oliver. I was looking for him and I headed back to S.T.A.R. Labs and he…..there is so much blood,” Felicity was breaking down step by step and talking started to be more and more difficult for her. But Barry didn’t need to know more for now. He just looked at Charlie, how she was waiting there for him. He didn’t want to dump her like that, without saying anything, but he had no choice. Oliver needed him.

“I called already 911 and Caitlin, but you can get here sooner than them and he needs help now!” Felicity stated still terrified but some sense was starting to return to her.

“I’m on my way, Felicity. Stay with him and tell me anything that happens, ok? Is he conscious?”

“No, he is not,” Felicity replied afraid that it was a bad sign, which definitely was.

“Did you check his pulse?”

“Yes, it is there, but…. I don’t know, Barry, there is just too much blood.”

“I know, that you are afraid but I need you to calm down, Felicity. Everything is going to be okay,” Barry replied, while he was making his way to S.T.A.R. Labs. Although he wasn’t still believing his own statements, that it was all going to be ok, he needed some hope. He was not willing to just give up like that. That was not his style. And Felicity also needed some hope, even if it was as small as speck of dust, it was still better than nothing.

He was almost there. “I need you to slow the bleeding, Felicity. Find anything, some sort of cloth, and cover the wounds, okay? You need to keep the pressure against it to slow the bleeding. Can you do that?” Barry was trying to stay calm as well so he would not frighten her more, but nothing was ever harder for him. Felicity tore apart part of her clothes and pressure the wounds with them. Although Oliver cut himself on both of his wrists, she calmed herself perfectly and covered both wounds as tightly as possible for her. But even that didn’t ease her fear. Her heartbeat was starting to resonate in her head, but she did everything in her power to ignore it, for her friend’s sake. _Why would you do this, Oliver?_ she asked herself, because even though Oliver’s been drowning in his depressions, she’d never believed he would do something like this.

“I’m here!” Barry stated, when he entered the lab, quickly running towards Oliver. He looked at him, he was trying to kill himself by cutting his wrist. That fact really shocked Barry, because he’d never thought Oliver would do such thing. Then he saw an empty bottle of scotch beside the poor guy and he figured out the rest. Oliver was not acting with straight mind. And even though he looked wasted and he was close to his death, his charming looks hadn’t faded away. _Damn it, Barry, what are you doing? Get it together and save him!_ he said to himself and finally started to think properly to save Oliver.

“Alright, we need to stop the bleeding, so we need to find a solution that will lead to a hemostasis,” Barry informed, more himself than Felicity, but either way it didn’t matter. He immediately stood up and went to Caitlin’s place, because he was sure she had something he could use to save him. And he was not wrong. After a short time he found microfibrillar collagen hemostat. It was a piece of cloth of some sort that could lead to a hemostasis, which is a cessation of blood loss. He also took saline, which was needed for flushing the wound. With these things he made his way back to Felicity and started acting quickly. He flushed the wound by the saline and then covered it by the piece of cloth to cause hemostasis. Felicity could just watch it with her mouth opened wide. How Barry knew all this was beyond her, but she was so happy he made it there on time. With him Oliver really had a chance of surviving.

“Now we need to close the wound for good,” Barry stated already preparing himself for using the needle, which he picked up from Caitlin’s things among other stuff. Truth be told, he was no doctor, but this was an emergency and someone had to do it. So he began to make stitches by stiches, hoping it would end soon, but Oliver made a pretty good job at doing that wound. It was very large and deep, so Barry really didn’t find it easy. But when he was finished he noticed the amount of blood that was all around them. He didn’t know whether it was too much or not. Oliver’s pulse was quickened but it was still there. Although he was scared more then ever, he could not take any chances.

“He’s lost too much blood. We need to transfuse him some.” That statement didn’t calm Felicity down, it had quite the opposite effect in fact.

“What? You can’t be serious. We don’t even know his blood type,” Felicity shivered.

“We don’t need to. My blood type is O, which means I am a universal donor,” Barry replied and started preparing for transfusion.

“You can’t do that! It’s too dangerous!”

“Does it look like we have a choice, Felicity? Oliver is dying and we need to act to save him. I can save him, but I can’t do that without your help. Please trust me,” Barry begged, because he did not want Oliver to die. He’d never been so scared as he was right now, but he knew he could not leave him to do die like that. He looked directly at Felicity with a pleading stare so she would change her mind and help him. And although Felicity wasn’t sure at all this plan would work, she trusted Barry and therefore she did what he wanted.

“What do you need me to do?” she asked. Barry sent her to find everything he needed for the transfusion. While he was waiting, he couldn’t help himself and just pray for Oliver’s life.

“C’mon, Ollie. Don’t leave me like this. Stay with me,” he was saying, trying to not sound broken, because there was still hope for him to see that beautiful eyes of his again. And he was willing to do anything to achieve that. His heart was beating so quickly as never before. One part of him was hoping Ollie would hear it and miraculously wake up, but the other part was scared of this idea of him hearing that. It was beyond his power to stop the shivering of fear, no matter how hard he tried. That situation, which had happened between them today, held no meaning to him anymore. All he cared about was that he could get a chance to make that tension between them disappear. His life wouldn’t be the same again if it would be suffering every day because of another feeling of guilt, that he couldn’t save the man before him and to double it, the fact his last words to him were insults, which were created by the rage flowing inside his body, wasn’t helping either. He didn’t want to lose another person in his life, even if him and Ollie were not exactly on good terms. Ollie was still a human being and losing him would really makes everything worse for Barry. People around him were dying and he had enough of that. No more.

When Felicity had come back to him, he gave her the instructions to successfully accomplish the transfusion. Although it wasn’t easy for Felicity considering she’d never dreamed she would have to do something like that, she calmed down and did everything in her power to think clearly. A life was at stake.

When she connected the tubule to both of the men in front of her, her self-confidence was still not where it used to be. The fear was still ruling over her. She held Oliver’s hand so tightly that it seemed it was the only way how he wouldn’t leave her. Her hands were sweating, which had been always driving her crazy. Anytime she touched Oliver by her hands, he pulled away making excuses that it was because of her sweaty hands. But Felicity knew better and it was obvious this was just another way for Oliver to keep the distance between themselves. Oh, how she hated his stubbornness.

After that Barry barely spoke to her, he clearly figured out she needed silence now to process everything. And it hadn’t taken a long time before the doors opened wide and the EMTs came finally inside. There was no doubt they were surprised by what they’d seen, but even though they acted quickly, taking care of both Oliver and Barry. It was really hard for Felicity to let go of Oliver, because the feeling he was not going to be alright, was still resonating in her head. But then she looked at Barry, who was now weaker of the blood loss, and for some reason it convinced her that they were fighters who were going to get through it, no matter what. They were not going to give up so easily and neither was she. That was why she let them go, because she knew she would see them again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not making it easy for you, am I? And I’m sorry that this is another sad chapter and I hope I didn’t cause much pain or depression by writing this chapter like this. I hope you don’t hate me for anything and also that you will trust me and believe in this story, because no matter how sad these chapters are, the next ones will be happier… ish. Don’t get me wrong, this story was always meant to be a drama and not a funny story, so please stay with me :D. And that thing with Barry saving Oliver’s life, to be honest I’m not a doctor, I don’t study medicine so obviously I had no idea if this procedure I’d written would work in real life. Probably not, but for this story it worked. I also wanted to apologize for making some parts like the date so short if you didn’t like it. But the thing is this chapter was already long and I’m not gonna lie, that part was killing me :D. And considering Christmas are coming and I don’t think I will post another chapter before they come, I wish you all Merry Christmas and if I don’t post it even before New Year’s Eve I also wish you Happy New Year. Really thank you for reading my story, it is the best gift that could have been given to me :).


	6. Perks of moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like one weird dream can change many things.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry if my story is so full of mistakes that it is unbearable to read, but there are certain things (a lot of them actually) in English grammar, which I can't quite comprehend. Anyway, enjoy the new chapter.

It’s been a few days since the accident happened and Oliver hadn’t woken up yet. Harry’d made a deal with the hospital, that Oliver could be transferred to the S.T.A.R. Labs, which was not easy considering they were a little skeptical, whether this was Oliver’s only attempt at killing himself or not. However, Harry was keen on getting to see his son whenever he wanted to, which was harder for him while Oliver remained at hospital. Harry has always hated that place for some reason. The atmosphere and tension he could feel there was not making him comfortable at all. He could not understand why anyone would like hospitals. Even babies didn’t like them, that’s why they cry, because they find themselves on such a horrible place as a hospital away from mother’s paradise. And the fact normal people were going to hospital just to be check up on their health instead of doing something useful didn’t help it either. So besides Harry, everyone else was really glad that Oliver was there with them. Although they could see him anytime they wanted, it was not so optimal, because it was yet another thing that was keeping them from working on their project. However, during times like these no one was at mood to work.

Even Barry who had been still unemployed, had been coming to check up on Oliver almost every night, when the building was already deserted, with hopes and requests. However it all led to the same and the time for Oliver to wake up had still not come, no matter how hard everyone wanted it to come.

But there were other things, that occupied Barry’s mind. He was still unemployed and considering how badly he was taking it the last time, he’d come to a conclusion to find new job fast. Of course that his first thought was to ask for his old place at CCPD, but after working at STAR Labs he knew that his old job would never be enough for him. So he kept searching and searching and eventually he found out about a place very similar to STAR Labs called Mercury Labs. Although STAR Labs were greatly popular and praised in its division, Mercury Labs was not a place for losers either. And getting a job there was as difficult as at STAR Labs. The only reason why Barry got the place at STAR Labs so easily was because Harry had known what Barry could do and wanted him on the team. Mercury Labs was a completely different thing and the fact he had to move to Vancouver was not helping him either. But unfortunately it was the closest place where Mercury Labs functioned. Although Barry wasn’t giving it much hope that he would be accepted, Iris didn’t take it quite well when she’d found out.

“Barry, it’s been just a few days. Why can’t you just go and ask Doctor Wells for your old job? I’m sure he would give it to you,” she protested.

“And what then, Iris? I would start working there again and be like everyone else, doing nothing and just worrying whether Oliver is going to wake up or not? I don’t think so.”

“You are saying it like you’ve not already been going there to check up on him,” Iris remarked. “And don’t try to hide it. Everyone knows it.”

“But still, Iris, one way or another he is going to wake up and do you really think that he will change his mind and suddenly be nice to me?” Barry asked, hiding his sad smile, because that was exactly what he wanted. So Oliver would finally accept him and nothing more. But even after saving Oliver’s life, Barry still wasn’t convinced that would happen. Barry wanted to work at STAR Labs, but while Oliver was there, behaving the same way, the days spent there would be only a nightmare. And that was not what Barry wanted.

“But he lost the job too, remember?” Iris pointed out.

“That may be so, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get it back. Doctor Wells is his foster dad and Oliver just tried to kill himself. Do you honestly think that he won’t give him the job?”

“You are afraid of Oliver, Barry?” Iris asked with a smirk forming on her face.

“What? That’s ridiculous. I just don’t want to work with him.”

“You don’t want to face him, because you are afraid what he would say after you’d saved his life, do you?” Barry stayed quiet and when Iris saw how difficult it was for him to come up with a right answer she didn’t need anything more.

“You said it yourself, that he was not acting with a clear mind, so why can’t you consider an option he would be grateful actually for his life?”

“Honestly, I don’t think that Oliver even knows what the word _grateful_ means,” Barry looked at the ground. “And besides, Iris, it’s nothing serious really. Because the chance I would get that job at Mercury Labs is extremely low and even so I would probably get the answer after a long time. It could take months, because many people are trying to get there and looking up everyone takes time. I just want to try, OK?” Barry gave her his soft look, even though he knew that would not satisfy her, but after a short pause she nodded understandingly. Barry hadn’t been acting like himself since the accident with Oliver and Iris knew it. His smile had been barely seen and most of the time she’d hardly seen him at all. She’d figured out, that although he was not the greatest fan of Oliver, he didn’t wish another person he knew to die. And the fact he could save him and he didn’t would surely break him even more. So also for his sake Iris has been hoping Oliver would wake up one day, soon.

As always Barry once again found his way to STAR Labs building so he would see unconscious Oliver, without any change or hint he would wake up. As he was standing there near Oliver’s bed, lost in his thoughts someone else approached and he realized he was no longer alone.

“I’ve never seen him so peaceful,” a familiar female voice spoke up behind him. Barry didn’t need to turn around to know who exactly was the visitor so he stayed in the same position and quietly smiled.

“I can’t say I’m glad considering the circumstances, but still it gives me a new perspective on how to see him.”

“And how do you see him?” Caitlin asked as she came closer to stand up right next to Barry.

“He’s hurt, badly, and lost. He would want to live normal life, but he refuses to look forward, towards the future. Instead, he dwells in the past, recalling his every mistake and every pain. But honestly, who could blame him? I guess life with mind which can recall every memory sucks.”

“Probably the fact that time heals all wounds doesn’t apply to him very well.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that. He thinks that he is broken, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be fixed. And I think that part of the fact he’s not capable of moving on is especially the inability of stopping looking at past. As long as he is going to continue doing that, he has no chance of ever becoming happy.”

“Are you happy?” Caitlin asked subtly.

“I don’t know, probably not,” Barry replied with a sad smile. “I’ve never said that moving on is easy.”

“I know, but sometimes it’s the only way how to find something what’s been missing the entire time. And when you find it, then you can become truly happy.”

“Tell that to Oliver, as far as I know, he is the one who is taking it worse. I heard he almost killed himself. I guess neither of us is doing good job,” Barry said sarcastically as he once again looked at the man before him, thinking about the possibility that everything would be different if the argument him and Oliver had had, never happened.

“That doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed,” Caitlin smiled as she used the exact same words Barry had said.

“You are right. Let’s hope he will have plenty of opportunities to figure this out too,” Barry replied.

“What happened is not your fault, Barry,” Caitlin stated as if she could read Barry’s mind. “Oliver has been depressed since I know him and there has always been a possibility that this would sooner or later happen. Your argument with him didn’t affect it.”

“Maybe you are right, but that doesn’t matter when he is still not woken up. Right now it’s like he is dead. So even the fact I tried to help holds no meaning anymore.”

“He is going to wake up, Barry. He is not in a coma. And when he does, you two are going to have a serious chat together,” Caitlin commanded with a strict voice.

“I guess I won’t have a choice,” Barry smiled.

“I know this is probably not the right time, but considering Oliver is at this state, not knowing what’s happening around him, you can now do everything you want to him,” she remarked.

“Like what? Making him look silly, then taking pictures with him and posting it on the internet so I would show that to him when he wakes up and he would probably kill me for doing such a stupid thing?”

“Something like that,” Caitlin winked, took her stuff and left building, letting Barry be alone for a moment. After that Barry once again looked at Oliver, still feeling really miserable that this whole situation was even happening. His eyes were aimed at the poor man’s wounded arms and although he couldn’t explain it, he found himself touching gently the strong man’s hands. They were warm, full of life, so the fact Oliver was still not wide awake, was beyond Barry’s understanding. And as he was standing there holding one of Oliver’s hands, a strange feeling was growing inside his mind. He could not clearly describe it, because he had hardly understood it. All he knew was it felt great and he hasn’t felt this good for a long time. His body was being filled with warmth and joy, which caused the world around him to stop moving. But unfortunately this moment came to its end when Barry had observed something overwhelming. Oliver’s hand moved. And not only that, Oliver squeezed Barry’s hand so gently Barry barely captured it, but it was there. And when he processed what just happened, his cheeks immediately blushed at the thought Oliver would wake up right at this moment when they were holding hands. And considering Barry would probably lose his hand for this he immediately let go of Oliver’s hand and headed out of the lab, passing by Felicity. Even though he’d clearly noticed her, he could not make himself say hi to her, because he was not willing to risk she would see his face losing its natural color and turning into bright red one. She would ask countless question which would make Barry uncomfortable and to double it, she would totally tell Oliver about it when he woke up. So no, that was not an option for Barry.

Felicity hardly managed to say something to Barry as she saw him passing by her, not paying any attention to the outside world. It was obvious his mind had been somewhere only he could know. Felicity was curious to find out more, but even she hadn’t been having good times, lately. Incident with Oliver had made an impact on her and definitely not in a good way. Smiling and laughing had stopped being common thing for here during past few days. And even her free time had met changes, because she had been spending it by checking up on Oliver. She could sit there for hours and hours, hardly leaving his side, just so she would see him wake up one day. And even after few days she was still determined that the day he would wake up was coming soon. So once again she sat beside him and prayed, to whoever was willing to listen and make him wake up. Because that was all she wanted. 

* * *

 

It was dark and cold, more than Oliver had experienced before. His head hurt and arms squirmed with pain. What he felt couldn’t be put into words so that anyone would understand. It was strange and new and he had no idea what was happening around him. And when he finally opened his piercing eyes, it did nothing to put him at ease. Although the place had seemed to be dark at first, now he could see light was everywhere, more than he would want in fact. There were no buildings, no people, no animals or plants, no clouds, no water, just a sand everywhere. No sign of any life, just the solitude surrounded by even more solitude. What was happening to him? Was he already dead? When he tried to remember what happened to him last night, his head stopped him by pumping more pain into his body. Although he was a fighter, this was getting to be too much even for him.

“Oh, my head hurts,” he mumbled to himself knowing that no one could possibly hear him. But how wrong he truly was….

“That is totally understandable given the circumstances. Fortunately for you, I am here to clear it up for you,” he heard a familiar voice. When he processed the fact he had heard another voice in a completely deserted desert, he turned around to find out more about the miraculous visitor. And when he saw Harry before him, he was really starting to think he was either dead or going mad. And honestly he was not sure which option he would prefer.

“Well you seem rather glad to see me,” Harry stated, but Oliver was still clearly at shock from the whole situation and could not find any words that he would say. This all seemed to be so strange and unthinkable, that he couldn’t make himself believe it. Although he wanted to.

“Not the chatty type, I presume? That’s OK, I’m a much better talker,” Harry smiled.

“Where am I? Am I dead?” Oliver finally asked afraid of the answer, but he needed to know what had happen to him the last night.

“According to my records you are not dead yet, although you were pretty much close to it. And right now you are dreaming.”

“And where are we?”

“Sahara, maybe,” Harry scratched his head while scanning the place by his eyes.

“Sahara, really? And I am supposed to believe you are here too, Harry? Of all people?” Oliver cocked his head to one side.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Oliver. I’m not Harry, I am something else completely. I am something like a guide through this dream of yours, because honestly if it were all up to you, you would be stuck here for an eternity, so you should be thanking me in fact. And the reason why I look like Harry is simple; I just absorbed his appearance, so you would feel more comfortable by seeing a familiar face. But I can change my looks if you want. I can be whoever you want in fact. For example an IT girl with a ponytail,” Harry smiled and just by snapping his fingers he immediately changed and absorbed Felicity’s look. That left Oliver as stunned as never before. And for the first time in years he was really out of words.

“I am a girl! That is for the first time, actually and it feels so different,” Felicity whooped. “But wait, if this is still not to your tastes I can be someone else.” Then she shaped into Sara all of a sudden, which Oliver still couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Or no, I know what will make you most happy,” Sara exclaimed and shaped into Barry. “Now I may be out of practice, but I think that I finally got it right and shaped into your favorite person on world right now. Am I right?” Barry smiled cunningly. Until now Oliver was not capable of thinking clearly, because this whole situation was confusing him more than anything. But when his eyes laid on Barry in front of him, he suddenly remembered the events of that one day, when he and Barry had that argument. So when he had processed everything he gave Barry the look that could kill to suggest he didn’t like this appearance and would prefer anything else to be honest.

“Not funny? Touchy subject I suppose. But it’s a shame, I think I like this appearance the most,” he smirked, but changed again into Harry. “Better?” Oliver didn’t reply anything, this whole situation was getting to be really annoying.

“I gotta wake up,” Oliver stated pinching his skin.

“Brilliant idea. Like that ever worked out for everyone. You’ve seen so many movies and yet you still believe that pinching your skin is going to wake you up?” Harry asked while sarcastically clapping his hands.

“Then I should get myself killed somehow. I’m sure that would probably wake me up,” Oliver stated without any hesitation.

“Woah, slow down, DiCaprio. I think that considering the situation we are right now, I think you have enough of dying already. Let’s try another way of how to get out of here, shall we?”

“Then tell me something I don’t know! Tell me how I got here, what happened to me and how I can get out of here!”

“Surely, I could, but where would be the fun in that?” Harry smiled cunningly. Oliver was getting sick of this, but his self-control held him still and thankfully he didn’t burst out yet, although he was really close to it. And to put his mind at ease he started to focus on something different.

“Why are we in Sahara?” he asked.

“Questions, questions. Your perfect brain holds no answers to them? That’s a shock,” Harry replied sarcastically. “It’s your dream, Oliver, and although it seems strange the fact we are at Sahara is your doing.”

“Why am I being cold then?”

“How the hell should I know, Oliver? Why does everything have to make some sense to you? You are beginning to be really boring. At least when I was Barry you seemed more of the edge,” Harry pointed out with a smirk growing on his face, which irritated Oliver more and more as the time was flying by.

“You told me that you can clear everything up for me, so I suggest you start now,” Oliver stated with a little threatening voice.

“Since you are asking so politely I will tell you a few things. For example, how well do you remember last night?”

“I’m not sure, it’s all kind of blurry,” Oliver replied looking at the ground.

“Liar,” Harry whispered like it was the most obvious thing on world.

“Excuse me?” Oliver asked again with threatening voice.

“I’m just saying what’s obvious. Don’t lie to me, Oliver, please. It won’t help you at all. I can always tell when you are lying.”

“Oh, really? If you won’t tell me anything useful for a change I swear I will do things to you, that you will never forget! Am I lying now?”

“Yes, you are. And there is no need to be shouting really. We are in a middle of nowhere, literally, and I can perfectly hear you. Although sometimes I wish I couldn’t hear you, because most of the time the words that comes from your mouth are nothing more than just insults, threats. And it is really sad, because you are blessed with this glorious brain and golden heart, but every time you have a good chance to show it properly, you back down. And why? Because you are afraid all the time, even now, that in some way it would not work out for you. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t. Who cares? The important thing is that even if you fail multiple times, you don’t give up. So tell me, please, what happened last night?” Oliver stayed silent for a little time, afraid to look at Harry even for a second, because he was right. And not just in that don’t-give-up crap he was talking about, but also about the fact he could now remember everything that had happened to him.

“I came to STAR Labs and I was really off the edge, because Sara had broken up with me the previous night. And I needed to let it out somehow and Barry seemed like the perfect target. We had a fight and I made him leave and then you or your living-self made me leave. After that it was really difficult to control my emotions. I was mad at you, at Barry, at Sara, at myself and all my memories started to appear in my head like I was living them again. I tried to shake it off and concentrate on something different so I started working at my apartment, but it didn’t help. So I once again came to STAR Labs, thinking that this would really help me to get all these thoughts away from my mind, but again I failed. And before I knew it I was holding a bottle in my hand, half-empty, and with these emotions it heightened everything. It even made me think that ending it completely was a good idea. If I was thinking clearly, I wouldn’t let that happen. But that’s all I know, because after that I lost my consciousness.”

“I believe you, Oliver, but this can’t continue or it will completely destroy you.”

“Why were you so sure that I was lying when I threatened you?”

“Because even if I am not technically Harry, I don’t think you would lay a hand on me. As I said you have a heart made of gold, but for now you are making everyone think it’s made of stone. And most people believe you. I think it’s time to change that.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Right now you are still alive in the real world, but sleeping. And you need to make a choice whether you want to ever wake up or not. And I am here to help you make this choice, so what do you say? Will you accept my offer?” Harry asked and held his hand for Oliver to shake, who was at first slightly hesitant but after a few seconds of silence he accepted the offer.

“So where should we start?” Oliver asked.

“I wish I knew, but the truth is that dreams are unpredictable and considering this is your dream, we can be stuck here for days.”

“So you are saying that we need to find a way out of this desert?”

“I’m afraid quite so, but don’t worry, I believe in you. You can do it. And besides it could be worse.”

“You have the nicest way of comforting someone, you know that?” Oliver stated sarcastically.

“That I do,” Harry replied with a smirk on his face and they both started their journey to find a way to next part of the dream.

* * *

 

Barry hurried up to get to his apartment, because this day was getting more and more strange and he just wanted it to end already. But considering night was still young, luck was not once again in his favor…. Or was it?

When he tried to get to his apartment he was stopped by pair of men dressed in uniforms, which stunned him in surprise because he had not been expecting this would happen to him, especially tonight.

“We are sorry, sir, but you can’t go there,” one of the man stated. They were not police or so it seemed, because even if it was dark, Barry could clearly see that the uniforms were not the ones the police used. And when he concentrated more on them he figured out they were exterminators.

“But I live here,” Barry protested, confused.

“We apologize, but it seems that this building is flooded by wasps, like in a big way. Some nests have been found so long but we still haven’t been able to take care of them properly.”

“And how long is it going to take you?” Barry asked already annoyed by the outcome of this day.

“We don’t know for sure, but we guess it could take a couple of months and half-a-year tops,” the second one replied.

“Couple of months?! Where am I supposed to go? I have all my things there,” Barry asked horrified by the answer.

“We are really sorry, but there is nothing we can do to retrieve your belongings. The number of wasps living there is really huge and it could be dangerous for you to go there. We suggest you find another place as your shelter until the building is clear. We will keep you posted on the news,” one of them said and they both made their way to the building behind them. _Great, like this day hasn’t been getting better and better already,_ Barry complained, but started to make his way towards his future shelter. He was sure that Joe would give him one, considering the circumstances. After all he was pretty sad when Barry moved out, so this should really be no big deal, or so Barry thought. 

* * *

 

Oliver had been walking and walking and walking and even more walking, like for hours give or take, but considering this was just a dream, it might’ve been just a couple of minutes. He was so tired but the sight of something else than sand still hadn’t appeared, which was a sign he had to keep going. There was no other outcome.

“You know, I admire you. Many people would probably give it up already but not you,” Harry stated.

“What can I say? You are not much of a give-up-er, either. Otherwise you would already give up on trying to annoy me.”

“Don’t be so naïve, Oliver, after all you know me.”

“Unfortunately,” Oliver murmured sarcastically but Harry heard it and slightly slapped his arm. “This is the way how to talk to your foster dad?” he asked offended.  “And you know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t really want to know. You would just make me more upset.”

“As you wish.”

“But I think you already proven yourself to be worthy and considering I have enough of this sand and more sand already, I think we should move to next stage with this dream,” Harry stated, snapped his fingers and suddenly they were both on a completely different place, and instead of Harry it was now Felicity who was standing beside Oliver.

“And why exactly couldn’t you do that sooner?” Oliver asked, annoyed.

“You see that is a funny story. Honestly I could not do that right away because this dream has a really odd rules, but after some time I could do that,” Felicity defended herself innocently.

“How much time, exactly?”

“That is not important right now, OK? The important thing is that now we are here and we are going to proceed in getting you out of here.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to get out of here, more than anything in fact, but it’s really hard, when you are constantly making fun of me by making me walk miles without any reason,” Oliver stated more annoyed than angry.

“Yes, I admit, that would be more appropriate, but then again where would be the fun in that?” she smirked.

“Who said that dreams are supposed to be fun?”

“And who said they aren’t?” she threw back and after that Oliver had no more words to say, because at that moment he concentrated more on the place where they were standing. This room was sealed to his mind more than he’d imagined. All those nights without sleep when he would just get up and spend time here, reading any book that had caught his eyes. But even so his life had not been easy at all. Although people here had been nice to him, the same could not be said about the children. Since he got here, it had been a hell for him and the children either expressed their anger on him, because he was weird and weak or they didn’t bother in helping or defending him. And when his sister had been adopted this didn’t change, it only became worse. After that he had no one, that he could call a friend, that he could tell all his secrets to, that would make him smile regardless of the situation. It was all gone and he had closed himself even more. And now all these memories were appearing in his mind again now when they were standing in a library of the orphanage that Oliver could call a shelter, but for him it was just a hell in the worst ways.

The room was empty. Most children had no idea this place even existed, because they didn’t need to. During their free time they were mostly playing or doing pretty much everything else, thankfully, because Oliver had considered this place as his lucky place, where he could go and just spend there hours so he would think of something different. At this library he could have been whoever he wanted to. And even now both Oliver and Felicity could see that the room was not entirely empty. One lost soul was here, reading a book, living a completely different life.

“Aw, I’ve always wanted to see little Oliver. You were so cute as a child,” Felicity squealed coming closer to little Oliver, who remained reading his book. _Apparently, he can’t see or hear us,_ Oliver thought to himself.

“I thought that you said the fact you look like Felicity doesn’t mean that you are really her,” Oliver pointed out while cocking one of his eyebrows.

“I did and I am not Felicity, but when I absorb someone’s appearance I also adapt to his behavior so most of the time I do or say things they would do. Although I’m not perfect and I still have my ups and downs, I’m trying to improve and be a better guide for you. And you would agree with me if you could remember your dreams.”

“You’ve been to all my dreams?” Oliver asked astonished.

“To every one of them, but sometimes I was well hidden so you had no chance in detecting me. But even if you did, it held no meaning considering you forgot everything in an instance. That is how it is with dreams, even when you remember them once clearly it doesn’t take long until you remember only slight parts which have no meaning when they are separated. And then it’s only a matter of time before you forget it completely.” Oliver wondered if he was also going to forget this dream, but right now there was nothing worth of remembering so he considered this question was suited for later time.

“And you are behaving like this just to make me more relaxed and comfortable? In that case, you are not doing very good job,” Oliver stated sarcastically.

“You are horrible and I hate you,” Felicity frowned playfully, but before Oliver could say something to that, he suddenly remembered this day of his past and right after that the door slid open and revealed two souls, one man and woman. They were both holding boxes full of books, putting everything into shelves. Although Felicity had no idea who that woman might be, she identified Harrison Wells beside her and that made both her and Oliver slightly smile. He was so young and full of hope, although Oliver loved him even know as he were, seeing him like this now when Oliver was a grown-up made it all completely different, but in a good way.

“We are so grateful that you are helping us, Doctor Wells, it means really lot to every one of us,” the woman smiled warmly.

“That is nothing, really. I am happy to help, anytime,” Wells replied truthfully and then his eyes spotted the mysterious reader, sitting on the couch and just reading _Oedipus Rex,_ which left Harry so stunned, that he was not even capable of forming any words. By his point of view the boy could be only around 11 or 12 years old and the fact he was reading this book in particular was not normal or usual for Harry. Then he remembered as he had been reading an article about a boy who had lost his parents and now lived in orphanage. _Could it really be him?_ Harry wondered, because he’d known that this boy had eidetic memory and also that he was really smart. And right now when this chance had been thrown at him, he was willing to use it.

“Ehm, that boy over there, who is he?” Harry asked watching little Oliver cautiously.

“That is Oliver Queen. Poor kid lost his parents only a year ago. His father had died on sea and his mother committed suicide. He was put here with his sister but consequences were not at their side and soon after that they separated,” the woman explained sadly.

“And he hasn’t been adopted yet?”

“No one wants him, because they think he is weird. I admit that he is different from other children and it is sometimes difficult to talk to him, but nothing is impossible, even for him. He just needs to find real family again.”

“Can I talk to him?” Harry asked hesitantly, because even when he had nothing to lose he was afraid how that chat would end up. The woman, however, slightly nodded and gave him a warm, encouraging smile. Harry took a deep breath and headed towards the boy.

“Oblivion - what a blessing...for the mind to dwell a world away from pain,” Harry quoted the exact words from the book as he approached Oliver. “Am I right?” Little Oliver looked up from his book, cautiously examining the stranger in front of him.

“You are not right. Some people on this Earth can’t forget things that had happened to them, so they can’t get the world rid of pain, because it stays with them forever, not wanting to let them go,” little Oliver stated coldly and turned back to his book.

“Maybe you can’t forget them, but it’s up to you whether you choose to think about them or not. You are still in charge of your own mind.”

“You are saying it like it’s the easiest thing in this world,” Oliver scoffed.

“It’s not, it never will be, but it’s better than drowning in those memories and not moving forward.” Oliver once again looked at the man before him, thinking about his words, but even so he understood them, they seemed so foreign to him, like they were spoken in a totally different language, the one he had never learned. “You could have forgotten about what happened even though that memories are still madly terrifying, but you chose not to and that is why you are suffering like this. You are rejecting to move on, but I don’t blame you to be honest. In fact I understand that in a place like this it’s really difficult to move on.”

“Then why are you telling me this? So I would feel even worse that I am stuck here? That I can’t leave because no one wants me?” Oliver asked upset, but Harry could see in his eyes not anger or hatred, but fear and sorrow and in that time he was sure what he was going to do.

“I’m telling you this, because I want to give you the chance to really choose this time. Because the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves,” Harry smiled warmly once again quoting the mentioned book. “So what do you say? Are you coming, Ollie?” Harry had called Oliver by his nickname only few times during their spent time together, but even so Oliver held every moment of it close to his heart, because it meant home to him. And although he had barely thought about those memories, those _happy_ memories, he’d always cherished them. And now when he could clearly see it happening in front of his eyes, all that joy and happiness, which they were causing, were now flowing through his body lightning every dark part of his mind.

Little Oliver looked at Harry with a horrified look, because no one had ever talked to him like that. Even when people had tried to understand him, no one truly did. And the fact he finally had a chance to find a new home was more tempting, than he’d imagined it to be. And although he was scared and skeptical whether this was going to work, he couldn’t refuse. So he slightly nodded towards Harry and for the first time locked his eyes with the man before him. This was a new chance for him and he wanted nothing more than just to take it and use it properly. After that Oliver stood up and with Harry left the library, leaving present Oliver and guide with Felicity’s look the only ones in the room.

“He took you in? Just like that? He literally just met you, but he did it anyway,” Felicity wondered.

“He didn’t just take me in. He made me a part of his family, he gave me hope that I could accomplish great things, he gave me everything I had lost back then. He taught me everything he knew and thanks to him I could call once again something a home.”

“Sounds like a perfect dad to me,” Felicity smiled warmly. Oliver slightly chuckled, looked at the ground and whispered: “The best.”

“So why haven’t you taken that chance he gave you?” the guide asked, but no answer came from Oliver’s mouth. _Yes, Oliver, why haven’t you,_ he asked himself quietly. However, he couldn’t make himself think about the right answer as the surroundings once again shaped and changed into another familiar place – the bar Saints and Sinners in Central City. 

* * *

 

Barry unlocked the door of his previous home. When he’d moved out, he kept his key and also received a permission to go there anytime he wanted and right now he was really glad for that. As he entered he couldn’t see anyone in the living room so he called out Joe’s name and headed towards the kitchen as soon as he got an answer. However, when he entered the kitchen, Joe was not the only one who had been waiting for him to come.

“Hi, Barry,” Doctor Wells gave him a weak smile, sipping from his drink. Barry slightly nodded, but he would lie if he said that he was OK with seeing Doctor Wells. So long, he had been avoiding Doctor Wells since that day, when he and Oliver had had that argument. Something was just telling him, that Doctor Wells would do anything in his power to make that tension between him and Oliver slip away, but that was really not what Barry needed. And so far, he had no complications in avoiding him. He had only seen him once, when Wells rushed to the hospital to see his miserable foster son. That day Barry received a glorious amount of gratitude and thank-you’s from the man and he could swear that he hadn’t seen him as wretched as at that precise moment. He was so vulnerable and only at that moment Barry could see how much Oliver meant to Wells. And even though Barry was enormously grateful to himself for being able to save Oliver’s life, he could see that some tension had been also growing between him and Wells. Was he blaming him for what had happened? Barry had no idea, but even still avoiding seemed like the best option, for everyone.

And Harry knew that. He was fully aware of Barry’s avoiding and he was not OK with that. Although considering the circumstances, he was not willing to push it and wanted nothing more than just give Barry a time. He was grateful, he expressed that and right now the only important thing for him was that Oliver would one day wake up. And the fact Barry has been visiting his foster son, hadn’t been unknown to him. To be honest, he was the reason why Barry could do that. The STAR Labs was always closed during nights, but it also had the ability to open for the people who worked there. And considering Barry had worked there, the system remembered him and Harry didn’t have the heart to erase him from it. After all Barry wanted nothing more than just see Oliver and Harry had nothing against giving the permission for it.

“What’s wrong, Barr?” Joe asked as he noticed the lost look Barry had on his face.

“Uh, nothing serious, it just…. it seems that the place where I live is flooded with wasps and because of that I can’t go back there until the exterminators take care of it. Can I stay here, Joe? I left some of my clothes here, so that shouldn’t really be a problem.” But as soon as Barry finished he could see that the expressions of both men changed immediately. Harry’s looked like he had just gotten a marvelous idea and Joe’s seemed annoyed. Barry remained in shock hidden by confusion as he watched the men before him.

“What’s going on?” Barry asked terrified by the upcoming answer. The men looked at each other, talking in the hidden language, which was unknown to Barry. And when they once again laid eyes on Barry, Joe sighed deeply and Harry put down the drink from his hand and came closer to Barry.

“The thing is, Barry, that when Oliver wakes up, there is no guarantee how he will react to all of this. Although I think that it was all just an accident and he wouldn’t do that if he was thinking clearly, there is some possibility he would prefer to stay dead. And because of that no one can be sure with him whether he will try to do it again or not,” Harry stated trying so hard to not sound so wretched and broken by those words and facts, as he really felt.

“Which means he can’t live on his own now,” Harry finished letting Barry to figure it out by himself, but the denial was written all over his face so even if he suspected it, he wouldn’t think of it as a possibility.

“And what does that have to do with me?” Barry asked confused.

“He wants you to move in with Oliver,” Joe once again sighed deeply, which left Barry completely stunned by surprise.

“What?!” Barry asked crossing arms over his chest.

“It wouldn’t be for long. He just needs time and you can really help him. But as soon as his state improves you would be free to go, if you wanted,” Harry begged with hopeful look on his face.

“Why can’t he live with you?” Barry frowned.

“Don’t you think I want that? It would be the easiest choice, but the truth is I know him, and believe me when I say that he would rather live with you than with me. I tried to help him, to convince him to live with me again, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“But why me of all people? He hates me! I’m certainly the last person he would greet under his roof right now,” Barry protested.

“Barry, a few days ago I almost lost my son. When Felicity called me and told me about it, everything around me stopped. There was nothing, no Harrison Wells thinking about the great accomplishment he could achieve. Only a thought of Oliver leaving this world so soon without saying any goodbye. I’ve never felt so broken, so shattered and scared as at that right moment. And I don’t want to experience these feelings again. But you eased my pain, because you saved him and if you weren’t there right on time, Oliver would have died. And because of that, I trust you the most of all people to take care of him if such a situation happens again. So, please, Barry,” Harry begged like never before. But even so he didn’t get straight answer from Barry, he didn’t get any answer. And he could still see the denial written all over Barry’s features. But for Barry it wasn’t so simple. He wanted to help Oliver recover but the thought of living with him under one roof for months possibly was terrifying him.

“Harry, can you give us a minute?” Joe interrupted and Harry’s head immediately dropped of hopelessness. He simply nodded and then headed towards the entrance door but was stopped by the ringing of his phone. He immediately answered it and as soon as he realized what was being said on the other side, he replied, excited: “I’ll be right there!” And then he left Joe’s home quickly, rushing towards STAR Labs.

Barry looked up to see Joe still standing there in kitchen and he couldn’t help and see a slight disappointment in Joe’s eyes.

“What do you want me to say, Joe? That I should go after him and take that offer?” Barry sighed.

“No, actually, I just want you to do what you think is right.”

“And you couldn’t give me an advice that would make me feel even worse?”

“You know me, I’m doing my best to help the ones I care about,” Joe chuckled. “Just try to look at it from a different point of view. You of all people know the best how Oliver might feel. And I think that is why Harry wants you to help him. He sees you as something Oliver might have become, or even can become with help. Barry, you can change the whole dynamic of a building to better. You bring this light with you, this energy. I mean, you brighten everything. And most importantly you see the best in everyone you come across, that includes Oliver. And that is why I believe you can help him. So don’t lose that light now, Barr,” Joe smiled warmly and Barry also gave him one, appreciating the words, because they were exactly what he needed to hear. 

* * *

 

As Oliver searched through his mind to find the right memory which was going to be shown to him, his facial features were changing and shaping through multiple stages. And when he finally figured out which memory was the right one, his cheeks immediately reddened of embarrassment. And when he turned around to see the guide once again looking as Harry, his mood was not getting better.

“Don’t you ever get bored of these changes?” Oliver frowned trying so hard to hide his apparent embarrassment.

“If you were me, you would find it as much exciting as I do,” The guide/Harry chuckled.

“Can we just please go to another memory?” Oliver begged with hopelessness written all over his features, which convinced the guide even more to stay.

“Are you blushing? You, Oliver Queen, the one who acts so coldly all the time, are blushing?” Harry scoffed. “I think that this might be the best day of my life.”

“That is definitely not something Harry would say,” Oliver protested changing the subject a little to save himself, but failing.

“Shut up and enjoy the show,” Harry finished and pointed to one of the tables, where Oliver and Felicity were sitting and drinking. This event had happened around one year ago, but still Oliver knew perfectly what this memory meant to him.

“It’s your turn now,” younger Oliver stated behind chuckles, sipping from his beer.

“Exactly. It’s a revenge-time! And this time I’m going to make you pay for all those horrible and embarrassing tasks you have been giving me. This time I’m actually going to make you sweat,” Felicity threatened playfully laughing from the alcohol which was messing with her mind. She’d thought that she and Oliver should hang out more and for some reason she wanted to have a way more fun than was really needed. That was why she’d chosen to play the game truth or dare. Although Oliver was greatly against it, after some convincing he submitted.

“In your dreams, Felicity. You’ve been saying this since we got here, but still I sweat only because of the number of tasks I’m going to give you,” Oliver fought back with a smirk forming on his face. It was no secret that Felicity was not good at this game. Her questions, nor her tasks were something that could frighten him, although he was worrying this could change with the amount of alcohol rising in her system. He had to admit, she seemed a lot more relaxed and willing to make him suffer. But so far, she hadn’t reached any success.

“You are going to regret you said that,” Felicity stated and looked around the bar to find something she could use. And it didn’t take her long until she spotted a bunch of girls around her age drinking by the bar. Felicity couldn’t miss the way how Oliver had been looking at the blond one the whole time since they had gotten there. And after that an idea popped up in her mind and although it was a really horrible task, she was sick of Oliver’s mocks. This was her time.

“Can you see that girl over there?” she pointed to the blond one. When Oliver’s eyes followed Felicity’s finger, revealing his future task, his natural color immediately disappeared and changed into a paler one. He was sure that this task was going to make him sweat right away. But there was no going back and besides he still had a little hope that maybe that task would not be so bad.

“I want you to go there and slap her on her….”

“Please, don’t say _ass_ ,” Oliver interrupted her already going red.

“I was going to say buttocks, but it works either way,” Felicity slightly chuckled.

“No way, I won’t do that. Maybe you are drunk enough to give these kind of tasks, but I am still not. And honestly I wonder how it is possible you still are standing on your feet by looking at your state,” Oliver protested.

“Come on, you have to do it. It’s a game and I had to do countless of these tasks for you, so now it’s your turn, lover-boy,” Felicity begged. Oliver sighed deeply hating himself for ever agreeing to play this stupid game. The person who had created this game was possible the stupidest person in his universe right now. But it was a game and he wanted to do task not answer useless questions. And there was also a pretty big possibility that Felicity wouldn’t remember it the next day. So he stood up, hearing Felicity’s encouraging cheering, making his way over to the mentioned blond girl. Meanwhile the present Oliver was literally dying of embarrassment right now and guide/Harry just enjoyed the show making a couple of weird sounds with his mouth to express all his feelings.

Younger Oliver came to the bar, standing right behind the blond girl, who was leaning on the edge of it by her left elbow talking with her friends. If he were not so drunk, he would most certainly come up with a way how to escape from his suffering. But if he weren’t so drunk he wouldn’t even be in this situation in first place. He was not capable of thinking clearly, so he once again with little hope looked back at Felicity begging her to take that task back, but a big disappointment began to spread through him as he didn’t get anything better than just another encouraging looks from her side. There was really no going back now. _Shit_ , he murmured under his breath and with a big sigh coming from his mouth slapped the blond girl in front of him on her ass, immediately regretting it afterwards. The three girls around her gave him the most judgmental looks he had ever seen, but still the most horrible thing was just coming to get him. The blond girl turned around to see him, furrowing her eyebrows, what after a short time shaped into a smirk as she punched him right into his nose with all her strength. The girls started cheering her and left the bar right away shouting all kinds of insults at poor Oliver who had no other choice than just make his way back over to Felicity with an aching pain coming from the attacked place on his face.

“I will never play this game with you again,” Oliver stated as he sat down to his place.

“I can live with that, considering I finally beat you,” Felicity smirked.

“Screw you,” Oliver stated with furrowed eyebrows, but soon after that they both broke into laughing because after witnessing something so hilarious they had nothing more to do. And Oliver was really drunk, so right now he didn’t mind anything.

After that, memory disappeared and the surroundings once again shaped into something else. But Oliver was still affected by this memory and worrying about another upcoming memory was really not his problem right now.

“You have to admit, that was hilarious,” Harry stated still smiling widely.

“And here I was hoping that after drinking so much alcohol I wouldn’t remember it the second day, but once again my mind can find always a way how to screw up with me,” Oliver replied with a weak smile.

“What happened then?” Harry asked excited.

“Well, Felicity felt sorry for making me do such a stupid thing so she looked the girl up and explained to her everything. After that the blond girl found me and that was how I met Sara,” Oliver smiled warmly.

“I really wish the real Harry would see this.”

“Oh god no. Just…no,” Oliver growled breaking into another chuckle. The thought of him going over again through this moment was really scaring him to death. As if the fact he could remember it clearly was not horrible enough.

After that he tried to concentrate once again on the surroundings, which left him completely stunned as he realized where they have been standing. It was one of the rooms from his old home, from the Queen Mansion. No one was there, even the guide had disappeared without Oliver realizing when. And then suddenly Oliver heard footsteps, multiple, at least two people were coming to the room. And he was right. His parents were the ones opening the door, but Oliver stayed confused by all of that, because he couldn’t recall any memory like this and the fact his younger self was not even there didn’t help him either. Then the most scaring and ridiculous thing happened as both of his parents looked exactly at the place where he was standing like they could see him. This dream was really getting weirder and weirder and Oliver was starting to get really tired of it all.

“Oliver?” Moira asked as she came closer to him with Robert following her. Oliver had no idea what was happening right now. How they could see him was beyond him, together with the fact they identified him immediately even though they had known him only as a child.

“Are you alright, son? You look a little paler than usual,” Robert worried. Oliver was still stunned on words, but he was starting to figure out what this all meant. The time of memories was over and now the dream shaped into another level. It gave him a chance to once again see his parents, to say goodbye properly this time.

“What’s wrong, Oliver?” Moira asked after not getting any answer from him, cupping his face in her hands. Oliver couldn’t hold it anymore. Tears were fighting their way to come out of the shadows and although he didn’t want to let them out, holding them back was getting more and more difficult until it became unbearable.

“I’m… I’m fine. I thought I wasn’t, but I am actually better than I’d imagined,” he replied truthfully after another moment of silence, confusing both Moira and Robert of the lack of clarity his words held.

“The truth is that what happened changed me in more ways than I would like and I hate that person I’ve become. And all those years I have been blaming myself for what happened even though it wasn’t my fault. No more,” Oliver lamented feeling the tears streaming from his eyes.

“It pains me that I can’t see you anymore, can’t feel your touch or hear your voice. And as much as I like you to stay here with me I have to let you go.”

“Oliver, you are not making any sense,” Moira stated confused, worrying about Oliver’s words. Oliver immediately hugs her with even more tears coming from his eyes, tasting the saltiness as they found their way into his mouth.

“I know that this might not make any sense to you. It wasn’t at first doing to me either, but now I understand. And I miss you so much,” Oliver whimpered into her ear, saying this to his father as well as hugging him so tightly like he was afraid he would slip away from his arms. After that Oliver rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes to make some tears go away just to make more dripping down. He slowly went back from where they were standing, keeping the eye contact with him locked until the picture of them faded away completely. He once again found himself in a middle of nowhere on Sahara, not alone this time. The guide once again appeared and this time in Barry’s form.

“Am I not suffering enough already? Please use other appearance. It doesn’t matter which one, just please not him,” Oliver stated trying so hard to keep his cold and strong look, but tears were still streaming, heart beating and his whole body shuddering like never before.

“I’m sorry, Ollie, but I think that this is the best way how to help you,” Guide/Barry replied with a weak smile.

“Then explain everything to me finally! The whole time I’m here I don’t understand anything that’s been happening. I don’t even know how I survived when I literally tried to kill myself.”

“I already told you, this dream was supposed to give you a choice. It is up to you whether you will wake up or not.”

“But that is not biologically possible,” Oliver protested.

“And yet we are still here,” Barry remarked cocking one of his eyebrows.

“Smartass,” Oliver stated under his breath but Barry could hear it clearly.

“Me? What are you, then?” Barry chuckled.

“Just a guy who wants to get the hell out of here,” Oliver replied cocking one of his eyebrows.

“Glad to hear it. But I need to make sure, you won’t try to do something so stupid ever again. This dream had one purpose. It was supposed to show you the memories, which you constantly refuse to see and ignore them every time they could really help you. They’re strongly attached to you and yet you refuse to use that bond for your own good. You’ve been trying to make yourself believe that nothing good is waiting for you, that your life holds no meaning after you lost your family. But the truth is that even when you did, you found a new one, new people who make you smile when you need it. Who understand you most and trust you with anything, because they know you are worth fighting for, just like they are worth fighting for to you too. Many people had let you down before, but not them. You are unique but not because of your skills, or perfect brain, but because of who you are, because of that light which is shining inside your heart, illuminating everything while you smile, laugh and enjoy life. And these people will always be by your side, even though you can’t see them, hold them, or hear them. They are still with you, strongly attached to your heart, making it beat every day. And when you find more people like them, the beating will become much easier. Cisco, Caitlin,…. Barry,” Guide/Barry smiled warmly, but Oliver didn’t return it and instead of that he just hopelessly looked at the ground.

“Not happening. They hate me,” he stated sadly.

“That’s what you think, but there is always a chance, isn’t it? I mean, how is it possible that you have no problem with building a body for an AI, but refuse to believe you have a chance to change the way of how they look at you?”

“Most of the time it is easier with machines than with people.”

“You are right, but it’s also time for you to finally ignore the easier path and choose the harder one instead, don’t you think?”

“You may be right, but some things can’t be fixed even with time. I was an ass on Barry and I’m sure he hates me right now.” The Guide/Barry chuckled slightly and replied: “You would be surprise by the lack of hatred Barry is capable of holding. I mean, it is possible he hates you but let’s just for one second pretend like he doesn’t, OK? And he is right now standing by your bed waiting for you to wake up.” The Guide/Barry came closer to Oliver and reached out for his hand. “And just theoretically he is holding your hand like this. What would you do? How would you react to this?” Guide asked still holding his hand tightly. That left Oliver once again stunned and completely out of words, because before he would think this is stupid and foolish even for Barry to do, but the truth was now completely different. A feeling was growing inside of him, as he was holding Barry’s hand. Yeah, technically he was not Barry, but he looked like him and that was enough. Oliver felt unthinkably better, like never before. His body was filling with warmth, which immediately stopped every other thought of his mind. Everything around him faded and there was only this one feeling. And before he knew it, he automatically squeezed the man’s hand, regretting it afterwards, but it was too late for that. It happened and the Guide just smiled warmly and let go of his hand.

“You have to admit, that even though you don’t want to, you are starting to be quite fond of this guy,” the Guide/Barry smirked.

“I have to admit, that he is smart, knows what he is doing and can be a real asset to the team,” Oliver stated coldly trying so hard to hide all the impacts that act before had made on him.

“Really? What happened to the whole a-forensic-scientist-has-nothing-to-do-in-STAR-Labs thing?” Guide/Barry smirked.

“I was wrong,” Oliver simply replied.

“So do you think he deserves a second chance?”

“If he behaves nicely enough,” Oliver smirked.

“You are horrible, Oliver Queen, you know that?” Guide/Barry chuckled.

“Me? You made me walk miles through this dessert without any logical reason. You are even worse!” Oliver replied while laughing.

“Just to make sure you won’t end up here again.”

“So what now? Do you want me to find the way back on my own again?”

“Nah, I think you did enough. Just remember everything that happened here.”

“That was supposed to be funny?” Oliver asked cocking his eyebrow.

“Come on, Oliver, you need to laugh more. Life is not just about being snippy. So what do you say – are you ready to finally move on?” Oliver stared at the man in front of him, wondering about it all. He didn’t want to die, not in that moment and also not before he tried to kill himself. But this time it was different, because now he actually wanted to live and that changed everything for him. He’d seen he had people who cared about him and that was after all everything he’d wanted. And he could have more, he just needed to behave more like he deserved it. And he was willing to try.

“Never been more,” Oliver slightly nodded and for the last time looked at the Guide. He was really glad, that as the last appearance the Guide absorbed precisely Barry. Without it, the dream wouldn’t have such an impact on him. Before he didn’t want to have anything to do with Barry but that changed completely because of this dream. Maybe he was still a little skeptical whether it was a good idea to go for it, but Barry might yet surprise him. Or not. He couldn’t be sure, not this time and so he smiled lightly, closed his eyes and after a short moment of darkness, opened them finding himself lying on bed, inside of STAR Labs, with Felicity by his side. He was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really glad that I posted another chapter before the New Year's Eve, even though this chapter was a long one. But honestly this chapter was not even planned in my brain, the idea just kind of popped up in my head while I was watching Christmas Carol. Anyway, we are really getting closer to the end of the sad chapters. Maybe one more chapter will be little sad….ish. But I hope it won’t be that bad. I apologize if the build-up of their relationship is really slow but I needed Oliver to finally let go of past, even though he is still not quite over it. But he is getting there, don’t worry. I also hoped you had wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate it) and happy new year to everyone!


	7. Change requires time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has woken up. What now?

The waking up was not sudden and quick, full of surprise. He didn’t wake up breathing heavily as he would be unable to catch his breath. He woke up slowly, with time, subtly, carefully in silence, without Felicity even noticing his opened eyes. Until this moment she had been watching him closely with thoughts of their spent time together with hopes that they would have more chances to be happy like that again. But her tablet computer was pleading for her attention by making constant noises, so she grabbed it and took a look. Not long after that Oliver’s eyes opened from the breathtaking dream and scanned the room, processing the fact he was at STAR Labs, lying on bed with his wrists bandaged. After that he noticed Felicity still typing on one of her toys and smiled.

“Even after I threatened my life and have been lying here since then, you still prefer the company of your toys over mine,” he half-whispered. Felicity immediately jumped up a little bit because of that but one short look was enough for her to process it all. She promptly hugged him with all her strength and Oliver could see that a few tears of happiness were fighting its way out.

“Oliver! You are here!” she exclaimed gratefully, like all her life depended on it. Oliver was stunned by that hug. He had never been keen on hugging regardless of the people who wanted to hug him. Whether it was his sister, mother, father or Harry and Felicity, it was not so common for him. He didn’t understand why people wanted constantly to hug each other. He never enjoyed it as much as he had thought he would. Even with Sara it took some time before he got used to it all. But right now when he really had made that stupid mistake and immediately regretted it afterwards, waking up from that dream, it felt different. Felicity’s hug felt different, but he still wasn’t sure how to respond to that. His arms hurt but through it all, he managed to lift his right arm and hugged her slightly, which made her even more happy.

“Where else I would be?” he asked with a smirk on his face, but as he noticed she was not willing to let go of this hug, he slightly whispered to her ear: “I’m okay.” After that Felicity pulled away slowly, while nodding her head and looking at her best friend. “Don’t ever do that again, you hear me?” she commanded after a little time of silence with a threatening voice. She’d been so scared that Oliver would never wake up and that he really managed to kill himself. And right now when she could clearly see he was there, alive and alright, it felt like a huge stone fell from her heart.

“I won’t, I promise,” Oliver stated truthfully still looking at her, watching those beautiful silver-grey eyes, which were showing her true emotions. Her body was glad, that he was alive, but Oliver spotted in her eyes hurt and a little bit of disappointment. He silently wondered with a weak smile how it was going to end for him when Harry made his way here. And he came with a conclusion, that dying would be the easier way. Although he wanted to start regretting that he’d really woken up, he remembered the dream and the guide in Barry’s form. It was time to stop choosing the easier way.

“You don’t believe me. That is totally understandable. I made a mistake, Felicity, many bad emotions took over my mind and the fact I was drunk didn’t help me either. You know that when I’m drunk I do stupid things.”

“Yes, I know,” Felicity chuckled slightly at the thought of moments when Oliver had been really drunk. But still she considered Oliver should really do something with his drinking problem. Now more than ever.

“While I was unconscious, I had a dream and thanks to that I realized many important things. So please trust me when I say that I will never do something like this again,” Oliver said quietly with all honesty he could find in himself. And Felicity trusted him of all people the most and even though it hurt her what Oliver had done, she could see he was telling the truth. So she nodded slightly, realizing that other people would be very glad to find out Oliver had woken up.

“We need to tell Doctor Wells you are alive!” she exclaimed, reaching for her phone.

“I suppose there is no chance I can convince you to not to call him,” Oliver said hopelessly.

“Nope, he is like your father, so he needs to know. And besides, you have nothing to worry about, I’m sure he won’t kill you,” she smirked already putting the phone to her ear.

“Considering I know him better than you do, I’m pretty sure dying would be more preferable,” he mumbled loud enough for Felicity to hear.

“You almost killed yourself, you are in no position to complain and make commands.”

“And no matter what I say you will still remind me of it, won’t you?”

“Yep.” After that Wells finally picked up and she told him the news really quickly. Oliver wondered how it was possible she didn’t stutter, not even once. The velocity she was using in speaking was sometimes too quick even for him. But Harry seemed to get it rightly. _I guess, hearing I’m awake is something he would get even in the middle of a hurricane._ Oliver stood up to take on some of the clothes he got left next to the bed. Felicity noticed it and quietly sighed, annoyed by the fact Oliver was refusing to rest for just a moment.

“I may be no doctor, but I think that standing up after such a short time would be really unwise,” she stated after finding her way back to him.

“But you are no doctor, so I’m sorry, but I have to ignore your advice,” he stated coldly.

“You would ignore it even if Caitlin told you that,” Felicity protested slightly.

“After sleeping so much, resting is the last thing I want to do. And besides I already told you I’m okay.”

“Looks like that the dream can’t change everything, even the things I would want it to change.”

“Don’t try to tell me you are completely perfect, miss Smoak,” Oliver stated lifting one of his eyebrows.

“I’m not but still better than you,” she smirked.

“That’s what you think.”

“That’s what everyone thinks. Which reminds me that Barry should also know you are awake,” she stated again reaching for her phone.

“Barry? Why?” Oliver asked, furrowing his eyebrows, confused.

“He is the one who saved you,” she replied like it was nothing new, but for Oliver who had been still kept in dark was this information unknown. And now when he managed to find out, he was wonderstruck.

“Barry saved me?” he asked, too afraid to use any words in case Felicity was just making fun of him, but a relief entered his mind as he saw Felicity replying him with a small smile.

“He did. He was having the date with Charlie when I found you. You were dying and he was the closest one to help so I called him. He ran here without saying anything to her, keeping me calm on phone.”

“But how? How did he do that?” Oliver asked refusing to establish an eye contact with her.

“He stopped the bleeding and did the stitches, but you lost too much blood, so you needed a transfusion. Luckily his blood type is 0- and he could do that without knowing yours. After that you were taken to hospital. But Doctor Wells made a deal with them and we managed to transfer you here.” After that there was silence from Oliver’s side. He had no idea how to feel about it all. The man who was supposed to hate him, the one who had to left STAR Labs, because Oliver had been acting as a total jerk. And Oliver had thought of him as someone useless and stupid, who had no place on such a place as STAR Labs. But now when Barry was the one who had saved him, Oliver had never felt more embarrassed for his doings. And although he felt sorry for what he had done, he didn’t want to see Barry, not now….. not ever.

“Please, don’t call him,” he begged trying to hide his hopelessness.

“Oliver, he deserves to know,” Felicity protested looking up at him.

“I know and he will, but I’ve just woken up, Felicity, so forgive me that I don’t want to talk to everyone,” he growled slightly.

“Sooner or later, you gotta talk to him.”

“I take my chances with never,” Oliver stated with a clear stubbornness in his voice, which annoyed Felicity beyond measures. But before she could say something on that matter, the door opened and Harry rushed in to the lab, searching for Oliver and when he saw him, he immediately made his way to him. Felicity took a few steps back and went to another lab leaving the two men alone for a moment, what didn’t make Oliver happy. He knew this moment was going to end up horribly for him, because he knew Harry too well.

“Before you say something, let me explain it,” Oliver started with already surrendered voice, as Harry was coming closer to him. And when he was right in front of him, he slapped him with all his might, what left Oliver completely stunned. It hurt like hell, but Oliver didn’t consider it as something immoral. With his behavior, it was normal for him to sometimes receive a few punches and slaps, everything for the better good of his. And considering the situation they found themselves at, Oliver understood why he had deserved it.

“Okay, I probably deserved it,” he exclaimed looking at the ground, with his cheeks flushing, wondering whether that was from the punch or the fact he felt so embarrassed and so disappointed in himself. He came to conclusion that both were playing some roles in his reddened cheeks.

“Oh, you deserve more than this, you reckless moron,” Harry stated more annoyed than angry and then suddenly Oliver got stunned and wonderstruck as the man in front of him stayed silent and instead of shouting at him, he hugged him so tightly as never before. In fact Oliver had thought for a second he was going to suffocate, but he pushed that feeling way, because this shut everything in him. The times when he had been hugged by Harry were so few Oliver sometimes felt sorry for that. And as time went the probability the hug would happen was getting smaller and smaller. Now when he could finally again feel this close contact between them, his heart beat rose quickly, but a relief and joy spread through his veins. And the warmth inside him made it impossible for him not to smile at that.

“Don’t you dare do that again,” Harry said, with more pleading than commanding voice as he originally intended. But he didn’t give a damn in that moment. No, in that moment, only one thing mattered – the fact he could once again see and hold his son. Nothing else existed or mattered for him. There were just the two of them.

“I won’t, I promise,” Oliver whispered slightly but loud enough for Harry to hear and that was everything Harry needed. Just to hear him say that, because he knew Oliver meant it seriously. By the fact he could see in Oliver’s eyes regret and fear, and also the hug proved it. And when he put it that way, his son was indeed an open book. Or at least for him. He had known this man for so long. Before he met him, his life was slowly flowing, but only when Oliver had become a huge part of his world, Harry could really see how time was merciless in his regard. He felt like it was only yesterday when the boys had been bullying him and Harry had to step up. During those days, he could see how vulnerable Oliver truly was and now it was happening all over again. He wanted to do anything just to help him, like back then. Even though Oliver would certainly not appreciate it or thank him. No, he wanted to do it just to see him happy again without worries like those few times when he had been just a boy. He missed those times and wanted them back more than anything. And he knew there was a way how to help him, how to make him feel again. Otherwise what kind of father and friend would he be if he didn’t try it?

“So you are not mad? I expected shouting and your disappointing look for the rest of my life, but certainly not…. this,” Oliver exclaimed as they slowly let go of each other.

“Of course, I’m mad, Oliver. You tried to kill yourself, how am I supposed to just take it lightly?!” Harry asked angrily. “Sometimes I do wonder how it is possible that you can tell me hundreds of numbers from the Fibonacci sequence quickly without stuttering, but you can’t think of the consequences of your doings. You can’t convince yourself to think about how others might feel. But that is not the result of you not knowing how to do that, it’s because you don’t want to.”

“You are right. I mostly choose to ignore what others may think, because it’s easier. Machines and numbers are more understandable to me than any person I know. So I choose it, because I can easily understand them, because when I screw up they won’t get mad at me, or turn their back on me. And they hardly do something unpredictable which can stun me in so many ways, that I can barely breathe,” Oliver explained with a soft voice looking right into Harry’s eyes. “I used to choose always the easier choice, but after what happened I can no longer do that, because I now know that the easier choice is not always the right one. So I’m really sorry for what I’ve done,” he finished sincerely, keeping the eye contact still. Before he would probably back down immediately, refuse to look into Harry’s disappointed eyes. He would probably get mad at him for saying all those things before, because Harry was wrong. Oliver did feel everything, every emotion there was to feel and the fact someone who had been like a father to him was greatly disappointed in him would be the worst emotion of them all. Before he would probably do anything in his power to avoid meeting with Harry. That would be the easiest choice. But right now all those words that Harry used were true and Oliver knew that. Although that didn’t please him. So he wanted to do everything in his power to at least slightly change it.

“I’m still mad at you, you know,” Harry stated pointing at Oliver’s face.

“I bet you are,” Oliver slightly chuckled.

“Yeah, but not today. Today I’m just happy my son is still alive,” Harry said with a weak smile which Oliver gladly returned with yet another little hug incoming. Although Oliver felt like it was getting to be too much for him with the whole hugging thing, he refused to protest. Otherwise Harry would certainly make sure Oliver didn’t get to live the next day.

* * *

 

To make sure, Oliver wouldn’t notice, Felicity had to write a message to Barry instead of calling him. He deserved to know and Felicity was also stubborn like Oliver so giving up on this was never an option for her. And as she was waiting in another part of the lab of her team, it didn’t take long until the brunette walked in.

“I’ve really started to believe you were not going to show up,” she exclaimed as Barry came closer to her, relieved that they were alone for now. To be honest, he had no idea why he’d come here. It’s not like him and Oliver were besties, the opposite was true. They were supposed to hate each other. So why all the worries from Barry’s side were filling his mind?

“Believe me, I wasn’t intending to do that at first,” he spoke up.

“Then why did you come?”

“I have no idea. I guess I just wanted to see him and make sure he is alive.”

“He is completely alright. Thanks to you,” she stated with a smile and pointed to the monitors in front of her. Shots from the camera were showing how Oliver and Harry were talking, clearly enjoying the fact they could once again see each other. Or at least that was what it looked like to Barry.

“He is safe and sound because of you, Felicity. If you didn’t go looking for him here, you would never call me and he would bleed to death.”

“Well, then show me your gratitude for saving his life and talk to him,” she smirked.

“For what? I mean, what difference would it make if I talked to him? Do you honestly think that he would be thankful and suddenly nice to me? There is always a chance he wanted to die and I destroyed his plans. Can’t imagine, he likes me after that.”

“But that is what you think! You don’t know him, Barry, at all. You only know that part of him that he wants you to know, that part which everyone hates. But that is not everything, it is only the top layer of him, which is thick, I know, but can be passable. I know him better than almost everyone, so believe me when I say that you should give him a second chance. Then we’ll see how it goes.” Barry stayed silent, thinking about all the things Felicity had said. She was right. He had never believed that a person can only be good or bad. Everyone has their good and bad parts and every time the opportunity appears, these parts fight with each other to find out which one of them will win its way to the surface. And Barry was certain that before the good parts had been winning even when it came to Oliver. He was sure, that even though many things had happened, Oliver still could be fixed, redeemed. Something was telling him, that Oliver did deserve a second chance, but in the same time Barry was scared of giving him one. His life was easier before he had met him. Maybe he’d been sad because of the loss of his girlfriend, but at least that life was easier to bear than this. Now he was confused, because he felt torn between these constant choices that could really change his life to something better but at the same time they could destroy it in a minute. And Barry couldn’t help but worry about the possibility that helping Oliver would ruin him. No matter how hard he would try, this possibility was there. Living with him could be a pure hell. And he was not sure whether he was willing to take it.

Even though he could clearly see the disappointment in Felicity’s eyes, he once again looked at Oliver for the last time and walked away, leaving the STAR Labs behind him. _Hopefully, for good this time,_ he stated quietly. 

* * *

 

Two days had passed and Oliver was still stuck in STAR Labs, resting, relaxing, doing all that shit just to fully recover. And during all this time he was barely alone. Either Harry or Felicity were always accompanying him, even Cisco joined, which was not as unwelcome as Oliver would’ve thought. Caitlin was nowhere to be seen because she had gotten a few days off to be with her family. And Barry also didn’t pay him any visit. Normally Oliver would feel relieved and happy about it, because the fact he would have to talk to Barry sooner or later was eating him alive. But still he couldn’t help and just feel a little sorry that Barry was not there. He was sure that Barry knew about his state, but refused to go check up on him by himself. Which could mean only one thing; Barry really didn’t want to have anything to do with Oliver anymore and he had just saved him so he wouldn’t feel guilty about letting someone die. And Oliver couldn’t blame him really, because that was definitely what he would do.

Oliver needed to be alone for some time, but he knew that was not going to happen. Harry looked like he was possessed by keeping him in someone’s company. There was no way for Oliver to get rid of him and although he was glad that they could see each other, his exaggerating attention was getting to be really annoying. And Oliver needed to do something about it. But thankfully one idea came to his mind.

“Felicity told me, that Barry is the one who saved me,” he stated coldly.

“He did, but you sound like you don’t believe it.”

“Don’t tell me it’s so easy to believe.”

“I hardly believe anything which has something to do with you and I’ve still found myself at this situation,” Harry smiled weakly.

“Say what you want. But I decided to find Barry and thank him.”

“Really?” Harry asked sarcastically not believing him any word.

“It’s no big deal. I just want to thank him for saving my life and I imagine saying that over phone is not the best way to improve my behavior.”

“Because your behavior is definitely something that bothers you every day, right?” Harry asked sarcastically.

“Believe it or not, but it bothers me now.”

“I bet it does. Well, too bad for you. You are not going anywhere,” Harry replied with a smirk.

“What? That is ridiculous!”

“Maybe, but few days ago I had to get to a hospital to see my almost dying son. I guess this world is full of surprises. So right now you are grounded.”

“Grounded? You can’t be serious. I’m not a child anymore!” Oliver protested angrily.

“Maybe you don’t look like a child, but you surely behave like one, which means I can treat you like that by all means.”

“But what for? Because of what I did? I thought that was behind us.”

“Firstly, I’ve never said that and secondly no, it’s not because of that. It’s because you are lying to me and I don’t like it.” Oliver was really starting to run out of his patience. He just wanted to punch something so hard. The best choice would be Harry, because that would be most satisfying but he had no intention in making this horrible night even more unbearable.

He hated the fact he couldn’t lie to Harry. He had always kept trying to, but he had never been successful. Harry could always tell when Oliver was lying, and it was irritating Oliver beyond measures.

“Fine! But I won’t tell you the real reason,” Oliver stated with stubbornness.

“I don’t expect you to, but don’t blame me for insisting to keep an eye on you.”

“Then if it makes you sleep easier at night, I will take on the HB,” Oliver growled slightly.

“So you are saying that you want to go somewhere alone. You refuse to tell me where or for how long, but you are willing to wear HB? I do really wonder what you want to do,” Harry chuckled.

“I will take on the HB if you don’t show its results to anyone else,” Oliver coldly replied ignoring the man before him.

“Okay, I think I can do that. But I assume you will leave this town, am I right?”

“Maybe.”

“Do what you must, but come back as soon as possible, please,” Harry begged, not liking the idea of Oliver leaving after he almost died. But he knew that Oliver wouldn’t try to repeat his mistake and if he wanted to do something important for him, Harry couldn’t stay in his way.

“Then, Mr. Queen, I do believe we have a deal,” Harry chuckled and went to find one HB, which was a machine that Oliver had made. It was supposed to track the one who wore it no matter how far the wearer went. It also kept a track of vitals to know exactly the state of the wearer, which made it the only thing Harry needed to make sure Oliver was safe.

Although Oliver was not fond of this idea there was no other choice for him to get out of sight of everyone. And he needed to do that one thing, just to ease his mind a little. That day Harry watched the man falling asleep, but even after that he stayed and watched his son, listened to his regular breathing, observing how his chest was lifting and dropping until his own eyes couldn’t take it anymore and he also fell asleep. When he woke up, Oliver was still asleep so he took the opportunity and put the HB wristband on his arm, turning it on and making sure it was working properly. Then he looked at Oliver for the last time with a wide smile full of happiness and relief. After that he headed to the exit, leaving Oliver the only person in the building. Harry knew that Oliver would feel better if he woke up alone. After all they had a deal and Harry intended to keep it, even though he would rather stay there with him. However, he was fully aware that Oliver didn’t want that.

And Oliver was really grateful for that when he woke up. Although the sight of that HB was not making his life very easier, but what could he do? Deal was a deal. So he took everything he needed and headed to his planned destination.

When he saw the building, a strange feeling started to flow through his body. He would never imagine going on such place and definitely not voluntarily. But people are full of surprises and unpredictable and though he didn’t always feel that way, he was one of them. So he entered the Iron Heights prison without any more hesitation. Getting here was not difficult, he had the money he needed on transport and finding it didn’t bring him any problems either. After all when you have such big prison in town, there is a pretty much big chance you know where it is. And the residents of Keystone City proved it, because when Oliver had asked they were happy to help without any hesitation. Thanks to that he was now here, preparing himself for something he’d never thought he would do.

As he was making his way to the visiting room, he suddenly heard a familiar voice. It didn’t take him long until he realized who was the source and when he spotted her, without noticing it, he started to make his way towards her.

“Caitlin?” he asked confused. She turned away clearly startled by the fact Oliver was there.

“Oliver?” she replied and came closer to him. “What are you doing here? After what happened, you should be resting,” she stated seriously, but Oliver knew that was just another way to avoid the reason why she was here.

“And I believe you were supposed to solve something with your family like you always do or am I wrong?” he asked cocking his head. Oliver didn’t like when someone was playing stupid in front of him, when they obviously weren’t. And he always knew it, so that was just another waste of time for everyone.

“What are you doing here, Caitlin?” he asked after a moment of silence with furrowed brows. Caitlin didn’t want anyone to know and especially Oliver of all people. Because he was the one most likely to judge her, but she couldn’t lie to him either. Because his stupid brilliant brain would know it immediately. So she just looked at the ground with a big sigh coming from her mouth and replied: “If I tell you, will you promise me not to say it to anyone else?”

“That depends,” Oliver stated. He was promising a lot things lately and it was starting to get on his nerves. Although Caitlin always tried to be nice to him, he was aware of her feelings towards him. She didn’t like him and the same could have been said about Cisco. Oliver didn’t trust her and she didn’t trust him but sometimes risks are needed to be taken and it looked like this was one of those times.

“I will keep your secret, if you will keep mine,” he whispered softly just to increase his chances in making her believe him. And it clearly worked, considering she gave him a little smile, which he didn’t return. The feeling he might have regretted this decision of trust was still printed to his mind and wasn’t prepared to vanish.

“My friend Harleen works here as a doctor. Interesting choice of a workplace, I know, but not everyone is so lucky to work for STAR Labs, I guess. Let’s just say that as if working in Iron Heights isn’t horrible enough, she has horrible employers who don’t let her take a few days off without getting any replacement. So she asks me for help whenever she needs it and I come here whenever I can. I admit, it isn’t my dream work, but even they deserve someone who can help them. Sadly, most of them tend to talk to me and well…. It seems you are not the worst company on Earth after all.” Even though he barely showed it, he smiled a little by that comment. Oliver was touched by it, he truly was. Caitlin had been treating murderers, thieves, rapists, all kinds of criminals behind their backs, taking all their insults and abusive remarks and then acting like nothing had happened. She was different than he’d thought, like with Barry.

“I’m glad you recovered,” she stated after a moment of silence.

“And I obviously got Barry to thank for that,” Oliver sighed, annoyed by the thought of upcoming talk with Barry.

“Probably. Without him you would be dead.” _Everyone just keeps telling me the obvious, like I’m deaf._

“Maybe that would be more preferable,” Oliver scoffed.

“Or maybe that would be even worse than it already is. Either way, he saved you, gave you a chance to redeem yourself. Don’t you think it’s time to take it?” Oliver just simply nodded with a big sigh coming from his mouth.

“You know, while you were sleeping, he kept coming to see you every day, hoping that one day you would wake up.”

“I can imagine, because a thought of him not being able to save me must’ve gotten to his head,” Oliver coldly replied.

“Or maybe he just didn’t want you to die because he is a good person. Why is it so difficult for you to admit the fact that you are a human being and none of us wish you harm even after all you’ve said to us?” _Yes, Oliver, why is it so hard?_ Maybe because he refused to believe a man is capable of doing something and not wanting anything for it. He’d said all those things to Barry just to piss him off and to make him quit the job after a couple of weeks of acting as total jerk. Why would Barry save him? It wasn’t making any sense to him. And when it wasn’t making any sense, when it wasn’t logical in any way, it was strange to him. He was unsure of his principles when something strange came to his life and it was scaring him. Most of the time he believed Harry had adopted him just because he was smart so he would use him after he would grow up. Felicity felt committed to repay the favor, because Oliver was the reason why she had gotten the job. This was not what he wanted to believe but it just made sense to him. However, things had changed and even though both Harry and Felicity had had hidden intentions, they no longer had some. He realized it in that dream. But why wasn’t he capable of believing Barry did that all just because he was a nice person? _Why don’t you ask him yourself? You just keep avoiding him, wondering about the questions only he can provide answers to. It’s stupid._

He might’ve been acting this unkind way to everyone, because the kids in orphanage were and even after that the children in school were the same. It’d been only a matter of time before he would adjust to it and started to behave like them. And eventually he did, but he no longer wished to be like that and this was a start.

“You are right and that’s why I’m here. When I and Barry had that fight, he said that he lost his mother and his father went to prison for her murder.”

“So you want to see for yourself? Why can’t you just ask Barry? After all those are his secrets.” _Because I obviously can’t think straight and my fear of talking to him is preventing me in doing so. Asking a complete stranger would always be easier than asking him._

“He also didn’t find out about my backstory because I told him. It seems only fair and after all this secret is not only his,” he replied stubbornly. Childish, but true. Caitlin just glared at him, realizing there wasn’t any way how to make Oliver change his mind.

“Fine, but you will have to talk to Barry either way. Considering you will have to live with him, there won’t be any chance for you to avoid him.” News spread quickly, like a leukemia, Oliver thought. She got this from Iris, who had gotten it probably from Joe. And by the look on Oliver’s face she could see he hadn’t had any idea about that.

“What?” he asked annoyed and confused in the same time.

“After what happened, Doctor Wells thinks you shouldn’t be left alone. And from what I know Barry’s place is right now not available, because of wasps.” Oliver felt like his head was going to explode. He looked at the wristband attached to his arm and cursed deeply in his mind on his foster dad. One day his ideas would probably kill Oliver, considering how much his heartbeat quickened. He didn’t want to live with anybody and definitely not with Barry. But he made himself think positively and embraced the idea Barry wouldn’t want that either and would probably turn it down. And if not, Oliver was screwed.

“That’s not important right now. I need to find his father. Now are visiting hours, but considering I’m a complete stranger I don’t think he would want to see me. Uh, could you….?” Oliver struggled, forming a simple sentence, but Caitlin knew what he wanted.

“Sure, follow me,” she stated kindly and led the way with Oliver right behind her. She knew some prisoners and Henry Allen was the nicest one of them all. She claimed she wanted to check up on him to one officer and then brought Oliver to her friend’s work spot. It didn’t take long until the door opened and Henry Allen entered the room.

“Hi, Mr. Allen. Sorry for dragging you here, but someone wants to talk to you,” she gave him a genuine smile, the one which Oliver had never gotten from her, and pointed to him. “This is Oliver Queen and he has a few questions. I will leave you to him, then.” After that she exited the room and left the two men just standing there awkwardly.

“Henry Allen,” Henry said and offered his hand for Oliver to shake, who took it without hesitation. After that they both sat down preparing themselves for a long talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring chapter, I know, but when the muse isn’t helping, life is a lot harder. But the next one will come up soon and hopefully it will be better. Stick with me please.


	8. Now or never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has a talk with Henry. Emotions are messing with his head. The same can be said about Barry and at the end the two of them finally have heart to heart :).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I lived up to my promise, luckily, and here comes another chapter. And like I said hopefully better than the previous one.

They sat there in silence, observing each other, or at least Oliver did. When it came to Henry, he didn’t seem to look like someone who was confused by all of this. And Oliver found it strange, because somehow he suspected that Henry would look at him differently during their first meeting. And then it hit him. _He knows._

“I need to ask you something, Mr. Allen,” Oliver stated.

“Is it about Barry?” Henry asked trying to remain neutral, but Oliver could see bitterness and unfriendliness in his eyes.

“More or less.”

“That is not surprising at all, because he talks about you all the time actually.” Oliver stiffened at that last sentence.

“He does?” he asked, keeping his expressionless face.

“Yeah, sometimes it is the only thing we do here, really. Just talk about Oliver Queen. You surely made quite an impression on him.”

“Obviously not the best one. I imagine he talks about me with disgust,” Oliver’s head slightly dropped at that, but he straightened it immediately. _What’s wrong with me?_ All this talking about Barry was getting on his nerves and he wished nothing more than just to have this awkward situation already behind him.

“Well, sometimes his descriptions of you are way full of anger, but he obviously knows you have reasons for your current behavior. So when he can, he tries to defend you, but he’s never told me what your reasons are.”

“When was the last time he came here?”

“A few days ago. He told me how you almost died.” At that Oliver’s eyes fell to his wrist, which was still bandaged. This memory would accompany him even though he hadn’t had any eidetic memory.

“Yes and did your perfect son also mentioned how he saved me?” he asked annoyed.

“He did, but I imagine you didn’t come here just to talk about my perfect son. So why did you really come here, Mr. Queen?” Henry asked and Oliver stayed quiet for a second thinking about everything, whether he really wanted to do it or not. After a few more moments he made up his mind.

“Barry and I, we had a fight and I made him quit the job,” he began.

“I’ve heard,” Henry nodded.

“And at the end of it, he mentioned life hadn’t been nice to him either. What happened to his mother?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Like I said, we are not exactly on best terms right now.”

“And do you blame him, Mr. Queen?”

“Can’t you just answer the damn question?” Oliver asked annoyed.

“I can, but the thing is I don’t want to.”

“And why is that?” Oliver asked trying so hard to stay calm but failing miserably.

“Because I think that Barry should answer these questions. It’s not right for me to say it, because these are also his secrets and he might not want you to know what happened.”

“But that is the point. He will never want me to know. That’s why I came here to ask you. So I would finally understand Barry.”

“But you can understand him, more than anyone else. However you refuse to try. You know what loss does to a person and all the loss destroyed Barry too. He just doesn’t want anyone to see it, but he is suffering as much as you are right now.”

“If I knew it, I could help him.”

“From what I’ve heard about you, that is hardly going to happen. And also if Barry wanted you to help him he would already tell you. He needs to trust you.”

“But he is never going to trust me! He hates me and besides I don’t need his trust.”

“Then why have you come here, Mr. Queen?”

“To see the truth, to finally figure out everything I don’t understand.”

“I think it is because you can’t seem to understand Barry at all. Every time you look at someone you just make some first impression of them and you are mostly right. But with Barry you were deeply wrong, more than ever before. And you don’t know how that happened and it frustrates you, doesn’t it? That you have something you don’t understand right in front of you and you can’t seem to figure it out? But that is totally okay, because it is human. You can’t understand everything even with a perfect brain. That won’t help you with other human beings, they are just too complicated to swallow.”

“But with enough force they can be broken into smaller pieces and then they would be easier to swallow.”

“And with enough love they could become part of yourself.”

“But I don’t want them to.”

“Some of them always have been and will be part of yourself. But it’s up to you who is worthy.”

“And you think Barry is worthy? Has it even occurred to you, that maybe Barry is not at fault and maybe I’m the one who is not worthy?”

“Is that how you feel?”

“Maybe,” Oliver mumbled.

“Then do something about it. Change this statement.”

“How?” Oliver scoffed. “I made Barry quit the job and I haven’t spoken to him ever since. He hates me.”

“You would be surprised by the lack of hatred Barry is capable of holding,” Henry pointed out and Oliver stiffened at that. These were exact same words, which the guide had told him in the dream. Maybe that meant it was a time to finally take them seriously.

* * *

 

Harry came to STAR Labs the other day, finding it empty with Oliver nowhere to be found. He didn’t hesitate, not even for second and went right away to his computer. He checked the data of Oliver’s HB and sighed with relief when he saw everything was normal. He’d started to worry about Oliver more and he hated that, because he knew Oliver was going to use it against him. He always did that. He could cause Harry a heart attack but no, why should he care? That’s totally normal for Oliver and there was definitely nothing wrong with it. But it was getting on Harry’s nerves and sometimes he just wished he could shut down everything only for a short moment. No chance.

After some time, Harry noticed Cisco came to work. Only then he realized how much his team had become smaller. Only him, Cisco and Felicity but right at this moment there were only two of them. That was definitely something new for either of them.

“So, just the two of us, right? Cool,” Cisco spoke as he entered the lab.

“If you think that the fact one member of the team made the other one quit, then got fired too and the next went away from town, is cool, then you are obviously not thinking clearly and you are the next best choice to get out of here,” Harry stated angrily.

“Well at least I showed up here, it isn’t like Felicity honored us of her presence,” Cisco complained.

“Can’t you just come to work without your unnecessary remarks for at least once?” Harry asked getting more and more indignant.

“Okay! My bad. Sorry I asked,” Cisco rolled his eyes. Then he began to wonder where Oliver had gone and even though Harry looked pissed off, he couldn’t resist and once again spoke up.

“Where is Oliver?”

“Right now, he is in Iron Heights and I can only hope he went there voluntarily,” Harry sighed.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I made precautions. I gave him an HB which is right now monitoring his every move and also his current state.”

“What does HB mean?” Cisco asked, confused.

“HB means _Harry’s bullshit_. Oliver invented it because I asked him to. He had no intention in making it, but I insisted so he began to call it like that as a result of his annoyance. And it kind of stuck.”

“Don’t you think he will, I don’t know, take it off?”

“That’s the only thing which is not worrying me right now, Cisco. Oliver may be a pain in the ass most of the time, but he is very thorough in everything he does. He invented it to be indestructible and that means he is also hopeless in destroying it. And even if he tried the HB will insert him with a liquid that will cause suffering pain. It won’t kill him, but he will need an antidote to stop it and the only one is right here in STAR Labs. So I think that he is going to wear this wristband at least for now.”

“So he’s got poison in that wristband?” Cisco asked a little horrified.

“Not my idea, that is on him. I just wanted to have something that could monitor the wearer and also wouldn’t be destructible. The idea that the wearer would get punished after efforts of destroying it was his idea.”

“Couldn’t you just talk him out of it?”

“Like that ever worked out for me, Cisco. Really appreciate you are paying attention to everything which has been going on around you,” Harry pointed out sarcastically.

“Okay, then I’m going to work on our girl, at least she can possibly enjoy my company.”

“Not likely, considering she is not even conscious yet,” Harry finished but after some time followed Cisco to look up on everything. He wanted to finish this job but without so many people in his team, it was getting to be more and more difficult. 

* * *

 

“I see what is your problem here, you are utterly torn.”

“If I wanted someone to state the obvious I’d go talk to a overpriced therapist,” Oliver scoffed.

“Then let me tell you this; I think you want to let this whole situation with Barry go but in the same time you can’t convince yourself to do that.” Oliver stayed quiet, processing the thoughts in his head and when no respond came to the surface, Henry continued.

“You don’t understand because normally you would walk away, but with Barry you can’t.”

“Of course I can’t. I made him quit his dream job and he fucking saved my life. Now I feel like I owe him.”

“Then do something about it.”

“You say it like it’s the easiest thing on Earth.”

“It’s one of the most difficult ones to be honest and no matter how many times you do that, it will never get easier. But the results are always worth it.”

“Not always.”

“Suit yourself, but I know my son and believe me when I say that Barry doesn’t hate you and he would already talk to you, but he is as stubborn as you are.”

“Shame,” Oliver stated sarcastically to point out on the fact that perfect Barry had after all some flaws stuck in himself, surprisingly.

“Are you going to talk to him?” Henry ignored the hint.

“Probably. I can’t avoid him forever. But I still wonder, why are you here, Mr. Allen?” Oliver asked rubbing his eyes.

“I’m here to get punished,” Henry sighed.

“For the thing you haven’t committed,” Oliver finished, hating the fact. Henry Allen didn’t look as a killer or as any sort of criminal. He was innocent and even an idiot could clearly see that. _Why did they arrest him of all people?_

“I could get you out of here,” Oliver stated seriously.

“Barry told me that you’re secured for the rest of your lifetime, maybe two lifetimes even, and I appreciate the offer, but I won’t take it.”

“Why?” Oliver asked, confused.

“What would be the purpose? You would get me out of here, but in eyes of everyone I would still be a murderer, a criminal. Everyone I know would look at me differently, they would be scared of me even though it wasn’t my fault. I don’t want that. At least here, no one looks at me as if I were a monster.”

“But what about Barry? Isn’t it worth all the suffering just to see him and be able to hug him anytime you want?”

“I’ve been stuck here since Barry was eleven. I didn’t see him grow up, fall in love or help him when he needed me. Every time he fell on the ground I wasn’t there to pull him back up. And there is nothing on this world which I regret more in my life. I would do anything to get out of this place to finally see for myself how he is doing, but not like this,” Henry finished and rubbed his eyes slightly, hitting on his fatigue. Oliver understood that immediately but stayed silent still processing what Henry had told him. He couldn’t comprehend it. And for some reason he couldn’t help the feeling of a little jealousy. Barry’s father was alive, imprisoned yeah, but still alive and that was luxury he couldn’t afford. Yet he could still see that this alternative was not perfect. He felt sorry that Barry had to travel here just to see his father, without any physical contact. That he couldn’t just come closer to him and maybe hug him, cry on his shoulder or take him somewhere nice and have a good time. And almost everyone around them was sure Henry committed that crime, that he was a murderer. When Oliver processed this all he really began to understand that Barry wasn’t someone ordinary. He really didn’t have a perfect life. The fate screwed up with him pretty badly, but instead of dwelling on it and showing it to entire world, he was trying to move on, to smile and be nice to others. He was the complete opposite of Oliver and yet they were so much alike. And because of this realization, Oliver understood that he didn’t need to know what really had happened to Barry, importance held the things which were happening now.

“But you can still do something for me if you want,” Henry spoke up slowly standing up. Oliver looked at him, locked his eyes with him and silently awaited the answer although he knew perfectly what the man in front of him was going to say.

“Talk to Barry,” he simply finished and Oliver stood up, nodded and shook hands with Henry, saying his goodbyes and leaving this horrible place behind him. He didn’t meet Caitlin on his way out, he tried to hurry up the best he could, because he had mistakes to fix, a lot of them. 

* * *

 

Later that day Barry decided to go to Jitters for a coffee. The life of an unemployed man was nothing to be proud of and although he had been taking it better than the last time, a little distractions like this were still welcomed. But at that time he had no idea something else was going to happen which would make everything worse for him.

As soon as he got his coffee he just made a few steps forward and someone bumped into him and the coffee ended up on Barry, which wouldn’t be that horrible. But when Barry looked up to see who was the man in front of him, his mood immediately got worse as he saw Harry.

“We have to stop meeting like this, Barry,” Harry stated seriously but with a smirk forming on his face, handling a tissue to Barry.

“Believe me, I’d love that,” Barry snorted trying so hard to save his shirt somehow even though it was hopeless. Barry was fully aware Harry did that on purpose and he could see that the man in front him had some hidden intentions. And somehow Barry was sure he couldn’t avoid them no matter how hard he tried.

“So what brings you here? Because I can clearly see that someone who invented thousands of inventions can’t be that clumsy.”

“You are once again blaming me for something I didn’t do. You are so cruel, Barry,” Harry faked an offended voice.

“Because of you now I don’t have any coffee, so can’t you at least cut to the point?” Barry barked annoyed.

“You are very distrustful, you know that? Even when you clearly don’t need to be. But since I’m here I can give you this,” Harry smiled and handed an envelope to Barry, which had his name written on it.

“What’s that?” Barry asked carefully picking that envelope.

“Obviously not a bomb,” Harry stated with a smirk when he saw how Barry was exaggerating with his carefulness.

“It’s a gift from someone we both know and love,” Harry stated with clear sarcasm, but after that Barry was somehow sure who had given him that envelope. And he was curious, more than anything so he just opened it and began to read. It didn’t take him any time to realize that he held some sort of recommendation, which was written by Oliver. It was a request to give Barry back his job.

When Barry looked at the reasons of Barry’s leave, he noticed that Oliver had taken all of the blame on himself. That he was the one who had provoked Barry, that he’d charged him with false accusations. He’d also written that he now could see that Barry was capable of many things. That he could act quickly even during stressful situations and that he really wasn’t just an ordinary forensic scientist. And at the complete end of it there was a small note written by Oliver’s hand:

_Sorry for being an ass._

Barry smiled at that a little, but quickly returned to his previous state so that Harry wouldn’t notice. But unfortunately for him Harry was observing him thoroughly.

“When did he give you this?”

“This morning he left the Central to go take care of some business and some hours ago he returned and immediately wrote this and gave it to me with a request I would pass it to you somehow.”

“But I thought he had no rights in saying who can or can’t work in STAR Labs.”

“Well, the truth is that I have the final say in who can work or can’t work there. And when I say that I want this person he can’t do anything about it. He can tell me his opinion but only I can choose whether I will consider it somehow. However he still has some rights, because considering he is my foster son, he is a co-owner of STAR Labs. I made him to be one. And although his judgement is mostly blinded by pretty much everything else, he still can sometimes think clearly about these things and when he does I really appreciate his observations and remarks. So believe me when I say that if he didn’t think all this things which he’d written were true, he wouldn’t write it. The fact he did is the proof that he really believe you have something more in yourself, that you deserve to work for STAR Labs and that he is sorry in his own ways for what he’s done.”

“So you are saying that he and I can return to work?”

“Well, not exactly. Oliver asked me to give you back your place at STAR Labs, but he didn’t say anything about himself. And when I asked him about it, he denied that he should return to work, because he no longer deserved to work there. And also he wasn’t sure whether you would agree to work with him once again so he chose you over himself,” Harry stated sincerely. Barry stayed silent, processing it all. He remembered how Iris had asked him why he couldn’t just come back to work. And he’d claimed that he didn’t wish to be somewhere where he wasn’t wanted. But right now he was holding in his hands the proof that this was not the case anymore. By some miracle Oliver had realized that he’d made a mistake and now he wanted him to come back to work. But in the same time Oliver had chosen Barry over himself. He rather had given Barry back his place than to beg for his own. And because of that Barry could see now everything in different way. For the first time he saw something entirely new, he saw hope, which was well hidden but still there. And at that moment he was sure what he was going to do.

“Barry, wait!” Harry shouted after him when Barry ran to the entrance of Jitters. He quickly turned around, zealous and quite shocked when Harry threw him something. He caught it without any difficulties and only after that he realized that he was now holding keys. And even an ordinary forensic scientist would perfectly know what they were for. So he just smiled at Harry who returned it kindly, secretly proud of himself. After that Barry left the building and went on his way. There was some packing up to do. 

* * *

 

Oliver returned to Central quickly, because after a long time he felt impatient and nervous. He immediately went to his apartment and wrote the words which had been stuck in his head all the way from Iron Heights. And then he made his way right to STAR Labs where he handed that envelope to Harry with request that he would give it to Barry that day. And after that he left the building not planning to come back. The thought of Barry forgiving him and wanting to work with him once again was still something unrealistic to him. And in his eyes Barry deserved to work there more than him, although he didn’t like it, it was the right thing to do.

Outside of the building he saw as Harry left STAR Labs and something kept telling him he was going to give that envelope to Barry. That paralyzed Oliver greatly, because he felt so afraid, so nervous about the moment Barry would see the words that were written there. His possible reactions worried him beyond measures and made him shake and sweat. He couldn’t stop it no matter how hard he tried. And like this he just couldn’t make himself go to his apartment once again. Because something was telling him he would wait there and Barry would come to him later. And the thought of that was killing him, causing him a headache he was not able to overcome. So to put his mind at least a little ease he refused to go home just yet and instead of that decided to go for a walk around town, anywhere to be honest, just to help clear his thoughts.

Walking along the streets, in park took him a few hours and most people would find it boring for sure, but certainly not Oliver Queen. He’d been doing it since he was a child and still it was capable of helping him greatly through everything. Even now he felt better after that although his nervousness and shaking was still visible on his features. However, he decided that it was time to face his problems properly once and for all. So he immediately headed towards his apartment, even though he was completely sure Barry was already there. 

* * *

 

The packing hadn’t taken Barry a long time, but he refused to bring his things to the planned place. He needed to talk to Oliver and maybe taking it so quickly with rush was not exactly the best way to do that, or so he thought. So he just headed to the address, which Harry had texted him earlier and it didn’t surprise him to see that Oliver lived in a nice neighborhood, he was rich after all so there was really no surprise he could afford it. And when Barry unlocked the door he was instantly wonderstruck by the things that had been hidden behind it. The apartment looked awesome and even when Barry tried to imagine how it would look like, the truth stunned him still. It wasn’t fancy like Oliver had been trying to show to everyone how rich he really was, but it still looked perfectly professional and complicated yet still so simple. But Barry didn’t come here just to admire Oliver’s apartment, although he had to admit that living there didn’t seem to be so surreal anymore.

He shook off all the thoughts and searched the huge apartment, but Oliver was nowhere to be found. And that time he wasn’t sure whether he should have been glad or terrified so he instantly panicked, began to shake and sweat. After that he came to a conclusion that if Oliver were there, it would be enormously better for sure. But like this he just kept thinking about the outcomes that could happen once again the blonde would appear in the apartment. And it paralyzed him, made him nervously pass back and forth and shake like in a cold winter. His hands stayed cold but his head felt like it was set on fire. The minutes and seconds were running so slow and he wanted nothing more than just miraculously make Oliver appear, but that was not an option, unfortunately.

During this time he had time to think about everything, which didn’t help him at all. He thought about leaving and letting it go, but in the same time he refused to even consider this as an option. He wanted to talk to Oliver but in the same time he was so terrified that every inch of his body was failing him enormously. He once again panicked and couldn’t take it anymore so he headed towards the door, which suddenly opened and revealed Oliver behind them. That caused Barry almost a heart attack but he barely made it known because the last thing he needed was Oliver’s mocking.

“Oliver! You are back, that’s um….. I heard you were out of town,” Barry stuttered. Oliver couldn’t make himself look at the brunette in front of him. He’d suspected this would be difficult, but not like this. He once again felt paralyzed and couldn’t find any words to use. He must’ve looked like a total loser, but no matter how hard he tried, nothing came to his mind. He panicked and refused to continue in this embarrassment.

“I, uh, I was but that was only for a moment,” Oliver stated trying to maintain his cold look, but failing miserably, which Barry would notice if he weren’t as much nervous as the man in front of him.

“I think I’m going on the roof to clear off my mind,” Oliver spoke up after a small moment of silence while looking at the ground, but that didn’t make Barry ease even a little.

“On the roof?! No, I think that is even beyond my capabilities,” Barry stated worried.

“Relax, I’m not going to jump. If I wanted to try again I would certainly do that somewhere else where I wouldn’t put someone into stressful situation and especially not you after what you’ve done,” Oliver said trying to keep his eyes on Barry, but it was harder than it seemed. Barry was stunned by Oliver’s words a little. He’d imagined someone had told Oliver the truth but still he’d expected Oliver would see it differently.

“I just want to clear off my mind of thoughts, that’s all,” Oliver said once again and turned around, but Barry wasn’t letting him go that easily. He’d been waiting here which almost killed him mentally and now when Oliver was here, Barry wanted to finally put his mind at ease. Now or never.

“Okay, then I’m going with you,” Barry spoke up with still shaking voice. Oliver sighed and turned around to meet the brunette’s eyes.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” he snorted seriously, but Barry didn’t back down.

“Wouldn’t be so sure about that, but the truth is I want to go on the roof to see our beautiful city in shadows of night. There are no hidden intentions,” Barry tried but failed. Oliver was not stupid and he could see right through him. However he refused to push it forward and just sighed while heading towards the door to the roof with Barry hesitatingly following behind.

When Oliver opened the door that separated them from outside world, he headed instantly towards the edge like it was the most natural thing for him. It took him a moment until he realized Barry stayed behind.

“Everything alright?” he asked without turning around to look at Barry.

“Yeah, uh, everything’s fine, just…,” Barry stuttered. Oliver now turned around and although it was already night, he could see Barry clearly thanks to the lights of Central. And when he aimed his piercing eyes on Barry’s green ones he noticed something interesting, there was a fear hidden there.

“You are afraid of heights?” he asked, trying so hard to not sound like he was mocking, but he clearly failed to convince Barry when he refused to look at him and instead of that kept his eyes on the ground.

“Who? Me? No, I’m not afraid of heights, it’s just that…. I don’t like them,” Barry replied, hiding his embarrassment, but Oliver was not blind and fear was definitely not an unknown aspect to him.

“You can return to the apartment. I promise I won’t jump,” Oliver stated sincerely but Barry once again refused to back down. Instead of that he looked up finally and made first slow steps towards Oliver, determined to overcome his fear. But the more he got closer, the more scared he felt and the fact vertigo also appeared and made him dizzy didn’t help him either. Oliver saw that and refused to just stay there and watch as Barry was struggling so he just sighed deeply and came closer.

“You stubborn ass,” Oliver murmured and lifted his arm for Barry to hold on it. Barry hesitantly looked at him and after a small moment of more worrying he grabbed Oliver’s arm and held it tightly like his life depended on it.

“Me? What are you then?” he asked with a weak smile, which immediately vanished when Oliver once again spoke up: “We don’t need to go to the edge if it is a problem, we can stay here.” Although Oliver tried to sound like he really didn’t mind, he did and Barry could feel it.

“No, I want to go there, I’m just going to need a little help, I guess,” Barry half-whispered, because he still felt ashamed of this whole situation but in the same time he was glad that the thought of that serious talk with Oliver was completely gone.

“Okay,” Oliver whispered for himself and slowly began to make steps towards the edge of the roof with Barry following his actions still shaking. When they reached the edge, Oliver helped Barry to sit down so his legs were hanging in the air without any solid ground underneath them.

“Hold on tight and especially don’t look down,” Oliver commanded and Barry just quickly nodded breathing heavily. Of course he refused to listen to Oliver’s orders and looked down but he immediately regretted it afterwards. His instincts punished him pretty badly, because they made him to look at something else and for some reason they chose Oliver as the best option. When Oliver noticed Barry was looking directedly at him, he stiffened for a second but instantly continued in his actions even though his nervousness wasn’t getting the best of him.

When Barry was already sitting Oliver slowly sat down too with Barry still holding his arm. They hardly knew it, but they both remembered that time when Oliver had been still asleep. Barry thought of how he’d let that embarrassing thing happen and he still couldn’t understand why he’d done that in a first place. His cheeks instantly reddened at the thought and when he imagined Oliver would one day find out, his world immediately broke down.

Oliver on the other hand wasn’t feeling any better. The thought of Barry in his dream, well the guide with Barry’s appearance, holding his hand made him shake even more and he hoped with all his straight sense that Barry didn’t notice it.

The silence between them was killing them both the more they thought about it. They both wanted to say something to break it but neither of them knew what to say. They tried to concentrate on anything else to be honest, but they constantly failed in doing so. Oliver wondered why all of this was happening to him. He’d never felt so nervous, so strange and it was killing him inside he had no idea what it had all caused. But he refused to dwell on it further, instead of that he chose to overcome his fear, just like Barry did.

“We can still come back if you want,” Oliver spoke up. It was lame to start their conversation like that, but he couldn’t think clearly. Everything was just messing with his head.

“No, I’m okay. I suppose I’m getting used to stressful situations,” Barry smiled weakly and Oliver sighed deeply. _So you wish to talk about it now. Okay, then, let’s talk._

“Yeah, I’ve heard about that. Sorry that I couldn’t see it, but circumstances were not on my side,” Oliver replied pointing to his bandaged wrists.

“That’s okay. It wasn’t so spectacular as you think. The bandages could have been done better,” Barry smiled.

“Really? Because I’ve been told that I would be dead if it wasn’t for you,” Oliver stated a little ashamed still of the fact he had tried to take away his life.

“People always exaggerate these things. To be honest it was like a piece of cake,” Barry replied sarcastically smiling.

“Really? Like the fact we are sitting here on the edge of a rooftop?” Oliver asked cocking his head to one side and Barry just couldn’t make himself stop looking at the blonde next to him.

“Absolutely. I would do it again thousand times more, anytime,” Barry replied and Oliver smiled at that. But he immediately maintained his serious look, because there was something he needed to say without any sarcasm. This was important.

“But still, it was something surprising of you to do. I had no idea you were capable of such things and I’m sorry that I said all those horrible things. After what happened you proved to be more than just an ordinary forensic scientist. You proved me that you are worthy of working at STAR Labs. And I’m sorry it took me so much time to see it,” Oliver said looking at Central City before them.

“You know, few days ago one man told me that I had a perfect life, that I had no idea what a loss can do to someone. This same person also told me that I’m nothing more than just a burden and made me leave the job of my dreams,” Barry spoke up after a moment of silence.

“What a dick,” Oliver half-whispered with a weak smile and Barry chuckled at the comment.

“Well, that was what I thought after that encounter with him, but now I can see that he wasn’t that bad. I’ve met worse,” Barry smiled locking his eyes with Oliver, not realizing the fact he was still holding Oliver’s strong arm. But Oliver didn’t look like it bothered him at all. He wasn’t the biggest fan of touching and constant physical contact with people but right now with Barry, it didn’t matter to him in the same way as when Felicity had hugged him. Now he felt completely different, strange even and that was the thing which kept confusing him, but in the same time it made him feel better, once again filling his body with warmth. So he smiled at Barry and although Barry hardly knew it back then, he felt like something had clicked at that moment when Oliver smiled at him. His walls, his guard, it was all down and the things that Barry could feel behind it once again changed his perspective completely. He knew he’d chosen the right decision.

“By the way thank you for giving me my place at STAR Labs back, but honestly I think I’m going to turn down that offer,” Barry stated. Oliver looked at him confused and stunned.

“You can’t be serious,” Oliver replied, sure that Barry was just messing with him.

“What? Was it so difficult to write that recommendation?” Barry smirked.

“One of the most difficult things I must’ve done. I had to write more lies than ever before,” Oliver stated sarcastically.

“Really thank you,” Barry said annoyed.

“Then at least explain why all my efforts came to waste.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I would love to work there again, but I have to admit that working there without my favorite co-worker wouldn’t be so much fun.”

“So you are saying that if I came back to work, you would take that offer?” Oliver asked, amused but in the same time touched by the sentiment.

“Strange I know, but it’s the truth. So what do you say? Partners?” Barry asked and Oliver nodded and replied: “Partners.” That caused them both to smile sincerely. They had their job back and now they could fully concentrate on getting their project done.

“But tell me, how is it possible that someone who works as a forensic scientist can save someone who is bleeding to death?” Oliver wondered after another moment of silence.

“The same way as you did when you were studying everything that interested you. Medicine fascinated me in some ways so I took some time to learn a few things, but I never practiced on anything. You were my first subject to be honest,” Barry explained.

“In that case you got lucky.”

“Seems like it,” Barry smiled. “But who knows what will happen now when I’m going to live with you. Maybe I will lose all of my luck.”

“If you wake up tomorrow, I will call that luck,” Oliver smirked.

“You are horrible, you know that? How am I going to survive it?” Barry wondered, chuckling nervously.

“Oh, I don’t know. You managed to save me from bleeding to death and also you are now sitting here with your legs just hanging in the clear air even though you are obviously scared of heights. So I think you will do your best even when it’s hard and it will be, believe me, for either of us. But you proved to be determined and willing, so if anyone can do that, it’s you… Barry,” Oliver finished half-whispering Barry’s name, which caused Barry instantly to blush. It was for the first time when Barry heard Oliver say his first name and it felt unthinkably great. Barry really felt like he achieved something big. And he especially liked how his name sounded when Oliver said it and he was sure he would hear it more often now and he was looking forward to it. Excited like a little boy, he was super glad the talk was already behind them and the fact it’d gone so smoothly made him even happier. He still had no idea whether the fact he had to live with Oliver was going to work out for him, but now a huge part of him believed it would somehow, so he was fully willing to try it, now more than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that now it could seem like it is all perfect and Oliver miraculously is not behaving badly as he was before, but believe me it’s not the end of it. He will have his good parts and worse parts, but right now I felt like Barry needed to see the good part, so he would believe that there is hope. And also I wanted them to finally have some heart to heart. I hope I didn’t screw up and that you liked the chapter. It was a lot of fun to write, so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.


	9. Still not so okay with that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you don’t want to live with Barry?”
> 
> “No, of course not. Why would I want that? There is now no chance I could get rid of him and every time I would need to be alone, he is going to be there, just never letting me be alone. Of course, I don’t want that.”
> 
> “Then why can’t you do something about that?”
> 
> “Because Barry made his choice and the only thing that would make him change his mind is me behaving badly. If I tried that, Harry would probably kill me and right now dying is not on my schedule,” Oliver replied coldly.
> 
> “So are you at least going to try to behave nicely so that Barry won’t end up being depressed?”
> 
> “Detective, the direction of this pact is between me and Barry. I can’t promise that I will be nice and caring around him, but I won’t hurt him, at least not on purpose. You have my word,” Oliver said sincerely looking directedly at Joe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again. Sorry for such long breaks between chapters. I’m horrible, but I wanted to thank to all of you for reading my story. It makes me smile every time when I see people are liking this story. And I hope you won’t stop liking it. Enjoy the new chapter.

They sat there in silence, Oliver observing the city before them and Barry trying so hard to enjoy it, but still worrying about his life. Acrophobia was a killer and no matter how much he’d tried before to overcome it, it’d always come back to him. However, Oliver was there, letting Barry to hold on to him which gave Barry a confidence that he wouldn’t fall down. And after some time they decided to go back to the apartment when the coldness started causing their bodies to shiver. Although Barry once again needed help, Oliver had no problem in providing it.

When they safely found themselves once again in Oliver’s apartment Barry wanted to leave, but Oliver stopped him.

“It’s already late and only-God-knows-what would Harry do to me if something happened to my new babysitter. Not to mention I would piss off one of the best detectives at CCPD and his daughter along with my best friend,” Oliver said mildly, but somehow Barry could feel Oliver was not pleased about that statement.

“So you are not actually worrying about me, but about yourself?” Barry asked.

“You should be glad I’m even offering rather than kicking you out of here,” Oliver stated with a cold look and Barry just weakly smiled. Oliver’s walls were once again there, standing strong as before, indestructible. And the tracks that Oliver had been smiling before were completely gone, nowhere to be found. However, the memories of it stayed in Barry’s mind (100% sure they stayed in Oliver’s mind as well) so he knew there was a way. Maybe not today or in a week but he was determined to find a way.

“Tomorrow, when we are done at STAR Labs we will pick up your things.”

“When, exactly? At midnight?” Barry asked sarcastically hinting on the fact Oliver had always been working the whole night.

“We’ll see, maybe 3 o’clock will be more to your tastes,” Oliver replied with the same sarcasm, lifting one of his eyebrows slightly. Before Barry could say something to it, Oliver walked away from the brunet leading him through the apartment. He showed him the bathroom, kitchen, everything what was needed and as the cherry on the top of a cake he showed him Barry’s own room. Although the apartment had felt to be huge at first, after this little tour Barry no longer felt so lost and he could easier picture himself calling this a home. Which felt strange because he still had his own apartment and this was just supposed to be his shelter for a while. There was really no need for him to dwell on this place, just to survive it.

Oliver on the other hand was enormously lost in his own thoughts. It had been long since he last saw the only other bedroom that was in his apartment. Before, Sara used to sleep there, when they’d been only friends. When they’d moved to another stage, the room itself had stopped being needed, but now it was and the sight of it after so long once again flooded Oliver’s mind with memories, that pushed up his sad mood. But it also caused him to ask multiple questions in his head. Was it really what he wanted? To live with Barry? To take that risk he would once again come to feel for another human being than the ones he already did? The memories in his head reminded him of the pain the feelings constantly had been causing, but he hadn’t forgotten the dream he had had. However it was pointless to dwell on thoughts like these, there was no guarantee this would happen and Oliver believed that if he’d tried to behave cold and emotionless, Barry wouldn’t be interested in this…. fraternizing.

He went to sleep with these thoughts never escaping his mind no matter how hard he tried. They hardly let him sleep, but that wasn’t anything new. He’d been used to sleepless nights and that was why he always kept working late, but right now he couldn’t convince himself to do anything else. He just lied there and thought about everything and with that his eyes closed and let him sleep for a little while. He was constantly waking up and then falling asleep the whole night and although he was tired beyond measures, nothing granted him the rest he needed.

Barry was still trembling in his room of the fact this was really happening right at that moment. It still felt a little bit surreal but Barry was happy to be there. The room looked nice, apartment was so close to STAR Labs he could get there by walk and he would have to be enormously slow to come late. And most importantly he knew Oliver had a heart. He hadn’t doubted it before but now he was sure. Everything had been working out fine for him, for now.

He took off his pants and slipped into the bed under the unthinkably comfortable blankets. Was there really something wrong on Oliver’s whole apartment? He’d been worrying before but now his body felt so relaxed and calm, like this was nothing new and strange. After a long time he felt…. at peace.

* * *

 

The next morning Barry woke up surprisingly early in his terms even though he hardly wanted to leave the bed. In fact it’d taken him longer than he would like to admit to realize where he’d been lying. At first it startled him, but after a few more seconds he remembered what had happened the day before. Which also meant he had to go to work. He couldn’t say he was pleased by that, but he’d just gotten his work back so maybe showing up there would be the wisest choice.

It wasn’t any surprise when he found out Oliver had already gone to STAR Labs, but still it kind of disappointed him a little. Were they back to the way they’d been before? _Not a chance, Ollie._ Barry was determined to find that asshole and there was nothing that Oliver could do to stop him. However, the fact Oliver wasn’t there meant Barry could do whatever he wanted. He immediately headed towards Oliver’s room. His curiosity would not let him leave without seeing it first and finding some suitable clothes was just secondary. Oliver’s room was not so different from Barry’s. Same seize and furniture, it was nice to see that Oliver had bothered to make the second room as much admirable as his own. And when Barry opened the wardrobe he uncovered it full of rather expensive clothes. Barry had noticed that Oliver had been always wearing nice things, which suited him in every way, but he’d never imagined he would have so many of them. Though he was rich, he never seemed to be the type to Barry.

“Well, Oliver, you’re full of surprises,” Barry grinned and pulled out some pieces of cloth. He noticed that many clothes were covered in a shade of emerald green, probably Oliver’s favorite or so he thought. _Good to know_ , he said in his mind. After some more time he finally decided which clothes Oliver could spare so he wouldn’t end up dead after coming to work for a first time…. again. But it couldn’t be something which would leave Oliver cold, it had to be something Oliver would for sure notice, because Barry loved a thought of teasing the blond. Oliver never held back from teasing, so why should he? Eventually he decided for a nice grey t-shirt and a scarlet red jacket. Yes, the clothes were definitely not his seize, but strangely it looked good on him still, it suited him in fact, he even liked how Oliver’s clothes felt on him, like he was destined to wear them which was a stupid thought of course, but still that didn’t stop the thought from wandering around in his mind. He put all the clothes back to the wardrobe trying to hide every track that he’d ever been there although it was obvious just by the single look at him. But he still couldn’t stop admiring himself and that jacket. He also caught himself sniffing the scarlet cloth multiple times. Although it was clean and untouched it smelled like Oliver and for some reason he couldn’t get enough of that scent. But after he managed to convince his mind to get back to reality, he headed towards the door.

He really had many time to spare so he went to Jitters buying himself a coffee and a snack, a croissant (his favorite). After that he made his way finally to the building he’d sworn to never enter again. Well, nobody was perfect, not even Barry Allen.

When he entered the building, he saw a familiar figure. Charlie was there which caused him immediately to shiver. Once again he felt like crap and he had a real reason to. He’d left her at restaurant without saying anything. What kind of a jerk would do that? He’d tried to explain it to her and although she’d seemed to be understanding and forgiving on that matter, Barry was sure she’d secretly felt sad and disappointed about it. Since then he’d been avoiding her and he hadn’t been very subtle about it. But right now, there was no chance for him in carrying it on. He had to talk to her.

“Hi,” he spoke up with a trembling voice.

“Hey,” she smiled weakly. “I can see you got your job back.”

“Yeah, I did thanks to Oliver, but that’s not the case. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Don’t. Oliver already talked to me about it.”

“He did?” Barry asked stunned. “When?”

“When I came to STAR Labs he was already here and before I could even take a look at my computer he appeared, like he had been waiting for me. He told me that it had been his fault you had had to leave me there, which I already knew but he also said that you felt sorry for that and that you were a good lad who deserved another chance. He actually was quite resilient even though I claimed I was not mad at you. It was strange to see him like that, the guilt which was so vivid in his eyes. I’ve never seen him like that before,” she wondered. Barry couldn’t believe his own ears. Would Oliver really do that for him? That heartless man who had done nothing more before than just kept coming up with new insults on Barry and just recently had a nice talk with him? Although Charlie was standing right in front of him and she wouldn’t for sure make up a story like that, he still was skeptical. Imagining Oliver saying all those things seemed so surreal and still it had happened, which made him confused but at the same time happy.

However, he was still sure that if he had asked about it, the blond would deny it, being the stubborn ass he was. Yet Barry needed to cherish all those little moments when Oliver would show his humanity in more visible measures. And thinking about them was what kept making his days better. However after thinking so much he realized Charlie was still there in front of him, waiting for some sort of answer.

“You would give me one?” Barry asked getting his mind back to the reality. “A second chance, I mean.”

“I would, but I won’t,” she replied simply.

“Why not?” Barry’s brows furrowed.

“Because I’m not blind, Barry. Look, I’m not mad at you, I am really not. Disappointed? Maybe. Sad? Hell yeah, but, Barry, you went to save Oliver and I get that information had to be mind taking. You could tell me that you needed to leave immediately, but honestly would it change something? I still would be sad that you left me there even after finding out. Yes, it wasn’t nice waiting for you there to show up when you didn’t, but I keep thinking about the things I would do if I were you. And I don’t want you to dwell on it further, because I’m glad that you saved him, so don’t blame yourself please. You saved him and that’s what matters. I was just a collateral damage.”

“You weren’t just a collateral damage,” Barry spoke softly.

“Barry, I mean it, it’s okay. It just wasn’t destined for us. But I hope you will find one day a person who will be special to you greatly and will make you happy in every way possible.”

“I hope that will happen to you as well,” Barry replied with a sincere smile. _I don’t deserve such kindness. I screwed up, I should have said something to her or at least I should have talked to her properly instead of avoiding her._ It was true and Barry felt guilty for it. Every time a chance had come for him to find happiness, he threw it away without even noticing it. And he never wanted to change more than right now. He couldn’t even look at her without the strong feeling of guilt tearing his inside apart. She told him to not dwell on it, but how was he supposed to do that when he could literally saw how sad she was? There was no way, he just needed to give it a time and eventually everything would be fine or at least he hoped it would.

“And by the way, nice outfit,” she pointed out.

He smiled at her the best he could and headed towards the lab, with thoughts still dwelling on it further. He’d made a mistake and there was a big possibility that if he had just told her something back then, he would have still time for saving Oliver. But right at that moment he had had no time to think about it. He’d frozen and with Felicity’s crying and pleading voice he just couldn’t decide differently. And maybe if Barry had told Charlie about it he would lose some amount of time and then he wouldn’t get to Oliver in time. Of course he regretted he’d hurt her, but he didn’t regret he’d chosen to save Oliver. And if something like this happened again, he would probably choose the same way even though it was not exactly the right one. It was right enough for him.

When he entered the lab, almost the whole team was standing there waiting for him. Everyone except for Oliver, which was hardly surprising, but still disappointing in Barry’s eyes. Of all people only Felicity and Wells noticed Barry’s outfit, giving their confused glances.

“Is that Oliver’s?” Felicity asked hesitantly. Barry blushed at the question, because he hadn’t really thought about the answer he would give to them once they asked. Now it all didn’t seem like a good idea, but it was too late to back down, so he desperately tried to play it cool.

“Sure is. He lent me those,” Barry replied cocking his head to one side. _Oliver Queen, lending his clothes to someone? Not a chance,_ Felicity thought. She wanted to ask about it more, but instead of that she just pursed her lips in effort to stop any further embarrassing words from forming. But now all of them were checking him out, which felt so uncomfortable in Barry’s perspective. But he still refused to let that be known and just carried on with his innocent look. When no one found any other words to speak, Cisco got to the present time and greeted Barry as he’d previously intended to.

“Good to see you again, man. It’s been horrible here since you left, so much drama and no one really cared about our project,” Cisco complained.

“Yeah, I can imagine that must’ve been horrible,” Barry smiled.

“Don’t dwell on it so much, Cisco, it’s not like we’ve been here all hopeless without Barry. With me here, we were doing just fine,” Felicity claimed.

“Yeah, nice try, but we all know the truth, right Caitlin?”

“I certainly know that Oliver wasn’t here to make you stop talking at least for a minute,” Caitlin smirked and Cisco couldn’t believe his own ears. But before he could say something to it, Wells spoke up.

“I still don’t understand why I had to be here waiting for him to show up which would by the way happen to be pretty unsuccessful if he came late,” Wells growled.

“Aw, you are just so glad I’m finally back, aren’t you, Doctor Wells? From all the people standing here, you’ve been the most excited one,” Barry smiled, teasing the man before him.

“If that makes you sleep better at night, go on, believe in stupidities. But at least you are still better than that stubborn ass,” Harry claimed, louder than his previous sentences.

“I heard that!” Oliver shouted from the next part of a lab, but didn’t bother to honor them of his presence.

“Good!” Wells shouted back and Felicity and Caitlin just smiled slightly. _Yeah, everything is back to normal,_ they both thought.

“Why is he even here anyway?” Cisco asked, trying so hard to hide his annoyance, but everyone was aware of his point of view on Oliver. But it wasn’t like Cisco had been very subtle about it either.

Felicity glared at Cisco with a stare that could kill, but before she could say something, Barry took the shot.

“Yeah, that’s actually on me. I kind of told him that I wouldn’t take the offer if he didn’t begin to work here too,” Barry explained, worrying about Cisco’s possible reactions to his words. Although Cisco didn’t seem to be pleased at all by that explanation, Barry noticed a wide smile from Felicity’s side which meant only one thing; she was glad he had talked to Oliver.

“Why the hell would you do that?” Cisco asked after a long concentration on what he should say.

“Because it is the truth,” Barry put it mildly. And it was. “If I deserve to work here again, so does he and besides he apologized to me and he is the reason I’m here, so I returned the favor.”

“Uh-huh, so that means you are now besties or what?” Cisco asked annoyed.

“Not yet, but we are definitely getting there considering I already spent the night in his apartment. Now all I have to do is just take my stuff there and it’s official,” Barry announced.

“What happened to my Barry? The one who used to exchange insults on Oliver with me, laugh with me at him? What have you done to him?” he asked completely serious.

“Oh, I can still exchange insults on him with you, because he is still not exactly an angel when it comes to me, but in secret, Cisco. Now that I have to live with him, he has more opportunities to kill me and I don’t want to die just yet,” Barry answered and Cisco took that as an acceptable answer.

“Okay, then have a good time with your new roomie,” Cisco smirked.

“Very groundbreaking conversation. Now can we finally focus on what’s really important?” Harry huffed.

“Don’t say it like we’ve been just messing around lately,” Cisco snorted.

“Barry, can you tell Oliver?” Wells asked ignoring Cisco completely.

“Of course,” Barry sighed deeply. _That was actually everything you wanted me to do after I’d get here, right? Go after Oliver. Typical._

Barry headed towards Oliver’s place, which was once again his place as well. It still felt strange to actually admit something like that, though. The memory of them arguing was still so vivid in his mind, but now they were once again lab mates and even roomies. Such a huge change had happened pretty quickly but Barry was glad it did.

When he was almost there, he heard as music started to play from the lab, but before it was complete silence, which meant only one thing. _Really, Ollie? You were eavesdropping?_ Barry chuckled at that to himself and entered the lab revealing Oliver looking at something in microscope, so concentrated. _Yeah, you’ve certainly been doing that since you got here. Bullshit. You for sure don’t even know what you are looking at, if anything at all._

“Hey, Doctor Wells wants to talk to us, so we should probably go,” Barry spoke up with a wicked grin when Oliver looked up to see him, utterly confused. The blond walked away from the microscope and came closer to Barry with a stunned expression on his face, clearly checking him up.

“You stole my clothes?” Oliver asked astonished, because he’d never imagined Barry would do something like that.

“No, I just borrowed them. And besides, you left me there alone this morning which was kind of rude, so this was just a payback.” Oliver lifted one of his eyebrows, keeping his cold face from forming a small smile.

“What are you gonna do? Burn them once I take them off?” Barry asked cocking his head.

“I might as well burn you with them,” Oliver smirked slightly.

“Again with those charming lines, Oliver? No wonder, every girl is at her knees when you walk by…. Some boys too.”

“What can I say? I’m a natural talent,” Oliver winked, but it was so brief that Barry barely noticed it. His lips quirked and changed into a small chuckle.

“With clothes like these, of course you are,” he smiled. Oliver felt a slight heat coming to his cheeks which could mean only one thing – he was blushing, but he had no idea whether it was so vivid the brunet could see it too. If he could, he surely didn’t show it. However Oliver still panicked and turned his head down to smile at the ground beneath him. He couldn’t believe what this boy was doing to him. He felt so confused whenever he had to face him, but still their conversations never failed to make him smile at least once. And that made the avoiding-part enormously difficult.

“You have nothing to worry about. After today I will return them to you,” Barry spoke up after a little moment of silence.

“No, you may keep them,” Oliver replied.

“Really?” Barry promptly asked, lifting his brows.

“This color suits you and besides I never really liked this shape of red on me. I suppose it’s not my color,” Oliver explained with sincerity, hiding the fact that he really liked how Barry looked in his clothes. Not only they suited him, but the fact Barry was wearing his clothes, gave him a strange feeling of something he’d never experienced before. Whether it was pride or something else, he wasn’t sure.

However now it was Barry’s turn to blush, which was completely ridiculous in his eyes, because he had no reason to. But his body thought otherwise, when he heard Oliver’s compliment. He hated himself at that time, hated the fact he wasn’t able of controlling his own body at all. And before he could do something to regain that control, his brain joined forces with his mouth.

“Other colors suits you.” When that slipped through his mouth he sighed deeply, rolling his eyes, cursing every insult on himself he could find in his head. He wanted to slap himself so badly. His blushing level was now so high that everyone would notice it, but fortunately for him Oliver wasn’t looking directedly at him, still fighting with his thoughts, barely paying attention to what Barry had said, but when he realized, he lifted his head to look at the brunet who was now avoiding any eye contact. Oliver wanted to say something to it, but got cut off as a Cisco’s voice resounded through a speaker. And after that he just assumed he’d heard it wrong.

“Guys, I don’t want to interrupt your conversation about your favorite workmate with a flawless haircut, but seems to me that Doctor Wells here is going to burst out really soon in Hulk-style if you don’t come here. And I don’t want to witness it.” And just like that the magic was gone. Oliver once again gained his guard back and Barry got back to reality and his natural color as well.

“We should probably go then,” Barry spoke up with a shaking voice.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Oliver nodded, avoiding to look at Barry even slightly and heading towards the rest of their team. Barry once again snorted on the whole situation and followed the blond.

When they made their way back, everyone was already there waiting.

“Brilliant. Now when everyone is here, we need to talk about our project which is still not finished, not even close to being finished,” Harry spoke up.

“Like I said, too much drama happened and that’s probably what slowed us down,” Cisco pointed out. Oliver glared at him, not in a nice way but refused to give in so easily. He was stronger than Cisco’s provocations.

“True, but now everything has settled, which means we can turn our attention to the AI,” Harry continued.

“We are not that far from finishing our job and with Oliver once again doing everyone’s work, we can be done in a month or two,” Felicity followed, glad that both Oliver and Barry were back, but still worried when her eyes concentrated on the state of her best friend. She hated every fucking time she had to see him like this. She remembered how she’d kept telling him to stop working over night, but the stubborn ass he had always been, he’d just never listened, not even once. That was the reason why her sentence sounded a little like a reproach to Oliver. But he’d never told her about the nightmares and his instant insomnia. No one knew about it, not even Harry and Oliver wanted it to stay that way. And besides, since the incident, all nightmares had stopped so maybe there was no worrying about it needed anymore, only the insomnia stayed.

“You have such confidence, Felicity, but let’s not forget the fact the platform is still far from being adequate,” Harry replied.

“But there was a reason, why we had concentrated on other things instead of building that platform,” Oliver spoke up.

“There is still so much to do,” Harry sighed.

“We’ll get it done, Doctor Wells, don’t worry,” Caitlin reassured him with a smile.

“Preferably before I die,” Harry rubbed his eyes but returned Caitlin that small smile.

“I, just, need to leave the town for a little time. It’s nothing big and I will be back before you know it. Until then do everything you do best and keep me posted about the progress,” Harry said.

“Wait, hold on! You can’t leave like that, especially now! We are finally going to continue our work and you’re leaving?” Cisco questioned.

“I don’t like it any more than you do, Cisco, but I have to go, I’m sorry. Just please, try not to kill each other while I’m gone,” Harry said and looked directly at Oliver.

“It’s difficult when some of us are really slow,” Oliver stated with a cold look, which didn’t surprise Harry at all although he wished Oliver would sometimes just shut up.

“I’m not slow, I just have a life unlike you! Really sorry, man, that I’m not willing to spend here every night without any sleep!” Cisco protested, knowing Oliver’s words had been directed at him without Oliver even looking at him. Yet Cisco’s words weren’t true. Oliver hadn’t spent a night in STAR Labs since the incident, but he didn’t question why Cisco thought he had. Oliver was tired as hell, barely standing, but holding on the best he could. It was that time when Barry noticed in how bad shape Oliver was. The dark circles under his eyes weren’t capable of keeping this a secret. Oliver had been used to this but the recent nights had changed that.

During this time, he had been sleeping calmly, not dreaming any nightmares, with no problems with falling asleep. But that all had changed the previous night and now he felt so tired and destroyed he just wanted to lay down and close his exasperated eyes. But that wasn’t an option. He needed to get the job done, which meant no proper sleep would happen anytime soon. He rubbed his eyes slightly, keeping himself from constant yawning. And surprisingly Barry was the only one who noticed. He knew perfectly how Oliver felt, the nightmares had done some damage on him too and he was aware of how they could wreck whoever they touched. No wonder Oliver was trying to avoid them any way possible. And when they had been just constantly returning every time Oliver closed his eyes, then what other way was even there to take?

Harry gave Oliver a look, which was saying _He is right._ Oliver didn’t say anything and just replied him with another look. _I don’t give a damn._ Harry got that almost immediately. Normal people would never gotten all those exchange of thoughts the two of them had been having. That was just between them. Even Felicity had been totally clueless every time they did that. Now it was no different.

“Can I count on all of you, that when I return, you will all be alive and well and still employed here?” Harry asked lifting his eyebrows. They all nodded simultaneously.

“Good, because as Cisco said, too much drama happened and I don’t have a time for any more stupidities, so let’s get this over with. Dismissed,” Harry ended and walked away from them, heading to his office.

After that they all stayed there and actually talked about the plan. The sooner they would get it done, the better and they were all aware of this, so they decided to work together. The AI itself was still not ready for launch, but they all agreed that making a platform was a priority now. And although Oliver didn’t like the idea of them working together, he for sure had no desire to once again piss off Harry, so he just went through with this charade. However, he was certain that in some point this pact would break. It might be his fault but nevertheless, it was only a matter of time.

So they came up with a plan and tried to live up to it, focusing fully on the platform and surprisingly during the first day no one had gotten hurt. Although Oliver had been avoiding talking with Barry, the brunet noticed, but didn’t mind that much. However now when everyone had already left the building, their communication was needed.

“So I guess, we are done,” Barry spoke up when he entered the lab where Oliver was in, working.

“You are so observant, Barry. I’m astonished,” Oliver replied with sarcasm.

“And you are charming as always, Ollie,” Barry smirked. “And although I would gladly stay here and talk to you all night, I think we have a place to be, don’t we?” Oliver sighed and looked up slightly, putting everything aside.

“You can still back out, you know that?” Oliver asked hoping Barry would do that, even though he was almost 100% there was no chance that would happen.

“Nope, still going through with it. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. So can we go now?”

“Follow me,” Oliver simply stated and led the brunet to the main exit. There Barry could see Oliver actually had a car. _Of course he has a car. He is like thousand times richer than you are._ And it definitely looked like it’d cost too much. Barry could never afford it and he wondered whether Oliver would let him enjoy one ride. Probably not, but it was worth the shot after they would get to like each other at least a little bit. And the fact that Barry didn’t actually have a driver’s license,… well Oliver didn’t need to know that for sure.

Oliver got in the car on driver’s seat and Barry followed and sat on the passenger’s seat, trying so hard to calm down of the excitement he was sitting in such a beautiful car.

“Awesome,” he murmured, thinking Oliver hadn’t heard him.

“That is your professional opinion?” Oliver asked mocking at the childish word Barry had used.

“That is all opinion you will get. Now drive,” Barry stated and Oliver didn’t say anything in return and just started the car. For some reason Oliver knew perfectly where Joe’s house was. When Barry had offered him to be the navigator, Oliver had refused him with words _I got this. I don’t need your help._ Barry was skeptical whether Oliver would really find it, but he did at the end without any complications.

They came to the entrance door together and Barry opened it with his keys, leading Oliver inside. Joe was just reading and when his eyes spotted the two young men in front of him, he immediately stood up, stunned.

“Hey, Bar, what’s up?” he asked with a friendly smile which immediately disappeared as his eyes spotted the blond.

“Mr. Queen,” he just greeted monotonously.

“Detective,” Oliver nodded in return.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Barry asked, but then he realized it was a stupid question. Of course they knew each other, because Joe was friends with Doctor Wells which meant at some point Joe and Oliver had had to meet.

“We’ve met a few times….unfortunately,” Joe murmured that last word but Oliver could hear it clearly. He just gave Joe a poisonous smile as a reply and Barry realized they needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Okay, so now I’m going upstairs to take my stuff and then we can go,” Barry spoke up and left before he would get into the middle of a very horrific fight.

Joe stayed there with Oliver, watching the blond like a falcon who was guarding his lunch. Oliver, however, was constantly looking at the ground, not paying any attention to the outside word, just thinking.

“This is stupid,” Joe spoke up. Oliver looked up at him, confused.

“This whole you-and-Barry-living-together-thing. Don’t get me wrong, Harry is my friend, but sometimes his ideas suck….a big time.”

“When it has something to do with me, it is always a bullshit,” Oliver agreed which surprised Joe.

“So you don’t want to live with Barry?”

“No, of course not. Why would I want that? There is now no chance I could get rid of him and every time I would need to be alone, he is going to be there, just never letting me be alone. Of course, I don’t want that.”

“Then why can’t you do something about that?”

“Because Barry made his choice and the only thing that would make him change his mind is me behaving badly. If I tried that, Harry would probably kill me and right now dying is not on my schedule,” Oliver replied coldly.

“So are you at least going to try to behave nicely so that Barry won’t end up being depressed?”

“Detective, the direction of this pact is between me and Barry. I can’t promise that I will be nice and caring around him, but I won’t hurt him, at least not on purpose. You have my word,” Oliver said sincerely looking directedly at Joe.

“Your word may hold no meaning to me,” Joe stubbornly answered.

“You’ve forgotten who raised me,” Oliver smirked. He had learned a lot of things from Harry, more than he would care to admit. But one of the few things he was glad he had learned was the seriousness of his word. Joe was aware that whenever Harry promised something he lived up to it by time. He’d never broken his word and when he hadn’t been sure of something, he’d rather promised nothing, than lied. And Oliver was the same, Joe could see it in his eyes, that spark of sincerity. 

* * *

 

Barry went to his room, where his suitcase still stood, prepared for his new home. With last look he said goodbyes and went downstairs. But before he made his way down, he heard the two men talking and just couldn’t help but listen to their talk.

“Okay, I’m gonna believe you, but if you break this promise, it won’t be just Harry who you have to deal with,” Joe said with a little threatening voice and Barry could see he crossed his arms over the chest.

“Noted,” Oliver replied simply. And it was that time when Barry realized he had something on his wrist, some sort of wristband which was clearly meant to do something. He was too far to see it properly but his curiosity was strong and at some point he would ask Oliver about it. _But what did he promise to Joe?_

When no other words came from either of the men, Barry made his way downstairs smiling, behaving like he hadn’t heard anything. However, Oliver was observing Barry thoroughly and he could see that smile was totally forced. Yet he hardly made it known that he was aware, he just silently smiled at how Barry tried to stay innocent.

“I’m glad you two didn’t kill each other while I was gone. So can we go now?” Barry asked looking at Oliver hopefully, which Oliver noticed and decided to tease Barry a little bit.

“You know, I think I need to use the bathroom,” he said with a little smirk.

“No way. We can be at your apartment in no time so let’s go,” Barry protested with wide eyes. He didn’t want to be left alone with Joe, because something was telling him, Joe would talk to him and made him regret his decision. And he didn’t want to regret that, he wanted to do this, but at the same moment he was sure that if he had thought about it a little more, he would immediately change his mind. To prevent that from happening he needed to get out of there as soon as possible and Oliver knew this. He was aware that Barry didn’t want to stay there, because he didn’t want to talk to Joe. Oliver understood it, but still refused to back down.

“You still can back down, if you want. I wouldn’t mind,” he offered, not hiding how glad he would be if Barry had stayed there, and Barry just looked at him with a little annoyed face.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t, but I would. So do me a favor and get your ass moving,” Barry replied and pointed towards the door. Oliver sighed and turned to look at Joe.

“See, Detective? There is no doubt Barry and I are going to enjoy living together. Best friends already,” Oliver said sarcastically and headed towards the car.

“I don’t like that guy,” Joe spoke up.

“That’s hardly surprising,” Barry smiled.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You still can stay here,” Joe said.

“I know and if I feel like it, I will come here, I promise, but right now, I feel like this could be good for me,” Barry said, briefly hugged Joe and followed Oliver outside.

“Ready?” Oliver asked as he saw the brunet.

“Never been more,” Barry smiled. Oliver remembered that were the exact same words he had said to the guide with Barry’s appearance. The guide probably wouldn’t be satisfied by Oliver’s progress and the fact he had been avoiding Barry. But right now, Oliver wanted to focus on that project. Everything else was minor, nothing else mattered and his social life had to wait. If it meant he had to avoid Barry for moths, he was at peace with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oliver may be in peace with that, but I’m certainly not even though it doesn’t look like it. But still thank you for reading, I hope this chapter wasn’t boring. I know that this story is evolving slowly, but I still hope it’s not so horrible. For me it’s still fun to write even though I suck at writing. So I hope I will see you all next chapter.


	10. Broken strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oliver, are you okay?”
> 
> “I don’t wanna talk about it,” Oliver sharply replied not turning around to look at the brunet, but Barry didn’t back down.
> 
> “Pity, because I think we should.”
> 
> “Why can’t you just leave me alone? Like it isn’t enough that I must live with you, I’m also supposed to listen to every stupid word which your mouth is capable of forming,” Oliver stated annoyed.
> 
> “Again with those insults, Oliver? Is that the only way how you can solve problems? By exchanging the same insults all over again? They are not gonna work this time,” Barry replied firmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a killer, I had to rewrite some parts multiple times to get it right and even now I’m still not 100% sure if I really did. But I hope I didn’t screw up as much as I think I did. Enjoy.

A week had passed. A week of Barry living with Oliver, not that it held some meaning or anything, because Barry had hardly seen Oliver during that week. Oliver had been waking every morning very early just to avoid meeting with him. There was no point in denying that. It was so obvious.

And on the other hand, being in STAR Labs was no difference. With all the work and rush there was really no time for them to talk about something other than the job. Everyone had been working so hard but in Oliver’s eyes, they were still slow. That was also the reason why Oliver stayed every fucking night in STAR Labs working hard like during day and it’d made a huge impact on him and not just with the way he looked but with the way he behaved too. A man would think that Oliver couldn’t be more unbearable to work with, but it wasn’t the truth. Now the tension in STAR Labs was so intense and uncomfortable, all it could take was just one little spark and Oliver would explode and with him everyone else. And Barry was sure at some point this was going to happen very soon. Unfortunately, Harry still hadn’t come back and without him the chance of keeping the peace seemed more and more surreal day by day. Thanks to that they hardly could concentrate fully on their work and that was what made Oliver more furious. And at the same time Oliver’s obnoxiousness made everyone else furious. It was a damn paradox.

But the thoughts that had been going over Barry’s mind were hardly about this. It was mostly about Oliver. After a week of living with him, Barry felt no difference, there was no change and he wasn’t happy about that. That constant avoiding, which was completely obvious to everyone, not just Barry, was starting to get on his nerves. He felt annoyed. Living in a place where he wasn’t wanted, it felt horrible. Like he was some kind of intruder who had no right to come here at first place. Barry deep down knew this would happen one way or the other but still a small part of him refused to lose all hope. But right now, it felt like Oliver had been slapping him theoretically with his naivety and belief every time the blond got a proper chance. And no matter how hard Barry tried, Oliver’s will was unbreakable, the walls around him were impossible for Barry to take down. And every time he tried to use a new technique, Oliver came as the stronger out of it, with even higher walls, while Barry was the weak one, who refused to relinquish his hope. Which made him even more naïve in Oliver’s eyes.

Barry wanted to give up on trying to change this situation, because the more days had slipped by, the less confident he felt it would ever change. Fortunately, Felicity was too stubborn to let that happen.

“Look, I know he is a stubborn annoying jerk, but it will get better,” she claimed.

“Easy for you to say,” Barry snorted.

“Just because I’m his friend now, it doesn’t mean it was easy. He used to criticize me in everything I did, ignore my words regardless of what I had to say and I would be lying if I said you are the only one he made quit the job.”

“Wait, I thought that he gave you the job, why exactly would he do that to you?” Barry shot her an unimpressed look.

“I guess I started to be pretty annoying with the whole getting-on-his-good-side-thing. He figured I was a bigger burden than I was an advantage and he wanted to get rid of me,” Felicity smiled at how Oliver had been trying so hard without any success. Felicity Smoak was unbreakable and Oliver had learned this the hard way.

“Really? I thought I was the only one worthy of his charm,” Barry said, surprised. Although it bothered him how Oliver’s brain was working. Getting rid of the people who didn’t suit his expectations and were annoying was not the right answer in any kind of book. But Oliver Queen didn’t give a damn after all about what his actions could do to others. Otherwise, Barry would never find himself in this situation. Oliver was so keen on complicating the simple things for him and he hated that beyond measures.

“Nope, told you, he is like that with everyone. But with you he is different,” Felicity replied.

“Sure he is,” Barry shot back sarcastically.

“I’m being serious. Besides calling you by your name after such a short time, he is also nicer to you, he actually jokes around you and the most important thing – he apologized for the way he’d acted before. Like Cisco never accomplished that and neither did Caitlin and Oliver has said pretty bad things to them too. But he apologized to you after two weeks of knowing you!” Felicity remarked.

“You keep saying that, but the truth is he’s been avoiding me this whole week and living there with him when he is constantly not being around on purpose is not exactly a walk through a park. He’s built walls around him, which can’t be destroyed.”

“Then don’t try to destroy them, try to climb them.”

“Seems to me that they are so high no one is capable of climbing them.”

“You can keep saying that, but it won’t make it any truer. Because even now without you noticing, you’ve already managed to climb halfway through,” Felicity smiled sincerely and it was the truth. She had managed to spot slight differences in Oliver, which were starting to be more and more vivid by day. And the idea of them being close was also more believable for everyone who could see it. If just the two of them had been willing to spot it too.

“I will talk to him, just please don’t give up now,” Felicity begged and used her puppy eyes. Barry couldn’t say no to that.

“By all means do whatever you think is right, but don’t push it when it doesn’t help.” After that they made their way back to the lab, hearing something shatter. _That didn’t sound good,_ Barry thought and quickened his movement with Felicity following right behind him. It was right then when he realized that maybe leaving Oliver with Cisco wasn’t such a good idea after all. However, the damage was already done.

When they entered, Barry’s eyes immediately flew over to find the blond, looking worse than ever. He could literally see the anger and rage flowing around Oliver, who was trying so hard to remain calm. But Barry guessed not sleeping had to bring the best in him at some point, which meant now was the perfect time.

Everything would be okay, if Cisco had broken something regular like a couple of test tubes, but considering that wasn’t the case, situation was getting to be much worse. Barry looked down at the destroyed object and from his perspective it seemed that a robotic eye, which Oliver and Barry with Caitlin’s help had created together, had slipped through Cisco’s fingers and now the core was damaged beyond repair.

“Sorry, my bad,” Cisco spoke up after a small moment of silence. Oliver looked up to see the long-haired boy. Barry was really worried about what might come next so before Oliver made any move towards Cisco, he came closer to Oliver, carefully stopped him from making any steps forward by laying his hand on Oliver’s muscular chest. Without even hearing anything, Barry was sure that Oliver was going to shout and get mad. He could see it clearly in those piercing-blue eyes.

“Hey, Ollie, it’s okay, we can build another. We already know how, it won’t slow us down,” he said softly, searching for Oliver’s humanity in his eyes. Although Oliver tried to hide it, Barry could see it clearly, like it was there only for him to see and for no one else.

Oliver shivered at Barry’s slight touch, which shook up his thoughts. Although he wanted to stay calm, the anger was growing, spreading like a sickness through his body, his knees felt weak of Barry’s presence, he convinced himself to use that range just to stabilize himself and not fall apart. He didn’t look at Barry, his eyes were directed at Cisco, not daring to break this contact.

“That’s everything you have to say? _Sorry, my bad?_ ” Oliver asked, resentful, glaring at Cisco.

“Well, it’s true and it’s not like it would change anything if I said something else,” Cisco snorted.

“Do you think this is funny? Because this is not the first thing that’s ended up broken. After whole week we did nothing and the things we managed to do, you destroyed,” Oliver stated angrily. Cisco just stood there in shock, stunned by that sentence.

“Oh, so is it all just my fault that we are still not finished after a week? Oliver, we are talking about an AI here, so it’s pretty understandable something like that can’t be built in a week,” Cisco protested.

“I’m saying that if you just worked properly as you should have, then we would make much bigger progress.”

“Yeah, I suppose that you should find yourself someone with a better expertise on these things who would work all day and night,” Cisco scoffed.

“You are one of the greatest minds here, your expertise was supposed to trump everyone else’s,” Oliver growled. Although it was technically just another insult coming from Oliver’s mouth, at some point he had said a compliment to Cisco, but it clearly didn’t occur to any of them, besides Barry. He was just the optimistic one.

“Excuse me?” Felicity suddenly spoke up, which caused Oliver immediately to turn his head to her, not letting his anger disappear.

“You are the same, Felicity, going outside on these coffees of yours with Barry or with other losers who are willing to join you. Just another waste of time. So I would like you to pull your head out of stupidities like this and get back in the game.”

“Sure, right after you get yours out of your ass,” she fought right back.

“You know, maybe we should all just take a deep breath,” Barry spoke up, standing between them, hoping that this whole situation would work out at some point in the end, but then he remembered that Oliver had technically called him a loser seconds ago. Why was he even trying? Why was he defending him? Just to avoid any conflict, which was now totally inevitable. Barry looked over at Caitlin, searching for help in her eyes, but before she could say something Felicity once again spoke up.

“No, we need this!” she stated promptly. “Oliver you almost died. You didn’t say where you were and I found you here, lying unconscious. I’d never experienced anything like that before, but I had to stay calm and keep a pressure on your wounds. I had the blood of my best friend on my hands. And the whole time, Barry was here, I was worrying whether you might ever wake up again. So yes, even after that when you’ve been lying here stabilized I couldn’t make myself get to work.”

“Fine, I’m back now,” Oliver barked.

“That doesn’t mean that we can go back!” Felicity shot right back.

“But that’s the problem! You keep digging into what has already happened, into the past which is already behind us instead of focusing on the present.” _Says the guy who almost killed himself, because he was dwelling too much on the past,_ Barry thought.

“You’ve been unconscious for days!” Although Barry felt like he should say something, he couldn’t convince himself to do any move forward. His mouth was dry for words. And neither did Cisco and Caitlin know what to say.

“And I woke up and even now after a week we have nothing! And what we did have, holds no meaning anymore. So tell me, why it is so impossible for you to focus on what’s really important?”

“Oh my god, you could’ve died! I saw you on the edge of your life, Oliver. How would you feel if someone you love was so close to death? If your mother or father or anyone were dying right in front of you?”

“That’s not the same,” Oliver scowled.

“The hell it is! But you don’t see that, do you? Because you keep rejecting the idea of people caring about you and loving you even with all your flaws. But the truth is I felt horrible, I kept being worried about you and waiting for you to finally wake up was like a walk through hell for me, because like it or not you’re my best friend. And when you finally woke up I felt so relieved, so happy but the fear of losing you one day didn’t vanish. Mostly because of the fact you’ve kept destroying yourself. Seeing you like this hurts more than you can imagine. So I’m sorry, Oliver, if I have feelings and I can’t pretend feeling no emotion and acting like nothing happened, but if you just once did too, you would understand why it is so hard to think straight even after a week. But instead of trying, you just stand there, being so cold and rational. Yet the truth is you’re still a human being, Oliver, which means you’re allowed to have feelings, but you just keep rejecting them. And I’m starting to be sick of that,” Felicity finished without a single tear, her eyes were just filled up with anger.

Barry wasn’t sure which side he should be on. Felicity was right, Oliver kept behaving like a jerk, but at the same time Barry felt sorry for the things Felicity had said to him, because not all of them were true. Oliver did feel every emotion there was to feel, but instead of embracing it he just kept it hidden so no one could see it. But Barry was sure under that thick layers, there was a heart made of gold which was beating slightly, but functioning perfectly for everyone who was willing to listen.

Oliver didn’t look at anyone, he just simply walked away from everyone, leaving the lab. Barry, being the nice person he was, just couldn’t let that hurt man walk away so easily. There was no way he would let this slip by.

“I’m gonna talk to him,” he said and followed the blond’s footsteps. However before he left completely he’d noticed that Felicity was glaring at him without any subtlety. Was she mad that he decided to go after Oliver? Did she think that he was on Oliver’s side? He had no idea, but he kept going so Oliver wouldn’t run away from him this time.

* * *

 

Outside Oliver felt like he couldn’t breathe, the world was spinning around him and his head hurt like someone had been cutting it by sharp knives. And the noise was resonating in his ears, all he could hear was his fastened heart, pumping the blood to his brain. His hands were dipped in sweat, his knees were shaking and struggling to keep the still balance. And all he could focus on was the anger which kept spreading through his mind. And then something happened.

“Oliver, are you okay?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Oliver sharply replied not turning around to look at the brunet, but Barry didn’t back down.

“Pity, because I think we should.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone? Like it isn’t enough that I must live with you, I’m also supposed to listen to every stupid word which your mouth is capable of forming,” Oliver stated annoyed.

“Again with those insults, Oliver? Is that the only way how you can solve problems? By exchanging the same insults all over again? They are not gonna work this time,” Barry replied firmly.

“I don’t care about anything you have to say to me.”

“Oh, yeah? Is that the reason why you’ve been avoiding me since I moved in?” That caused Oliver to turn around and finally face the brunet. Barry didn’t flinch at the sight before him although his body wanted him to. Seeing Oliver so close now hurt. He observed the blond thoroughly, the way Oliver was shivering, how the dark rings ruled under his eyes and how red his eyes were from the constant pressure. How he kept rubbing his sweaty hands over his clothes. And to double it, Barry had never seen him so pale. All of that caused Barry’s heart to stop. Barry and Oliver still hardly knew each other and the thing they had between each other could hardly be called friendship, but still no one deserved such fate. Barry could see how broken and wrecked Oliver was, but he refused to believe there was no way in reversing it. He just needed to want that too.

“Ooh, I’m truly astonished you managed to figured that out by yourself,” Oliver scoffed angrily.

“Of course, I figured! Do you really think that I can’t notice even things which are completely obvious? Let me make myself clear, Mr. Queen, yes once again losing people and pretty much all that crap which had happened to you is really horrible and no one should experience something like that, but you don’t have even a slightest idea of what you are doing to the people around you! If you don’t want to talk about what just happened then by all means be my guest, but we need to get some things straight, about you and me. Because you need to understand that living with someone who is constantly ignoring you is not exactly a walk through park for me and believe me, it’s equal to all the bad things. All those times when I tried to talk to you in this last week and you just put me down. Do you really think that it doesn’t hurt? That I’m okay with that? Because if you do, then you should really look at yourself before you say who is being stupid right now,” Barry said with a louder voice just to make himself sound serious, so that Oliver would understand he meant every word which had come from his mouth.

“Why are you trying so hard, Barry? Why can’t you just leave me alone? Instead of digging deeper and searching for something which is not even there?”

“Because that’s not how it works, Oliver. It’s like Felicity said, you have feelings and you can’t just shut them off whenever you feel like it. They are a part of you, they define you and make you realize the difference between surviving and living. You can’t reverse them no matter how hard you want to. And that makes you human, like anyone else around you. It’s not a bad thing.”

“Is that so? Barry Allen, always the sunshine everywhere he goes, lightening up every inch of darkness he reaches, making even the coldest heart melt. Looks like you can’t fix everything,” Oliver stated mockingly. “Emotions haven’t given me anything better than pain and suffering. The people I’ve lost-“

“I’ve lost people too, but I don’t use my personal tragedies as an excuse to make everyone’s life around me worse just to convince them I’m beyond repair,” Barry shot back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Barry, I’m not as emotionally healthy as you are,” Oliver argued, suddenly losing words he so desperately needed. His mouth had its own brain, his mind was completely sealed from thinking straight. And the constant dizziness was starting to be unbearable even for him. This was all wrong. He didn’t understand what was happening, had no clue why his instincts were always about insulting and pushing the brunet away. Barry had done him no harm and still Oliver could not help himself and just fight him every way possible, even though the right way was quite the opposite. He didn’t wish to fight. After all everything the brunet wanted was just to help him. So why couldn’t he see it right away?

The rage however small was still within him, fighting its way on the surface. Yet now it was different, because Oliver decided to do everything in his power to not let that happen.

And Barry? He wanted to be angry, because the more he talked to the blond the more he was confident there was no other way how to reach him. But that was not right, not in his eyes. And Barry needed to show that to the blond too, so he would finally understand. But not now when he was in this state. Oliver needed a clear mind for this and although the blond was stubborn, Barry was no better. And Felicity’s words were all the support he needed. _You’re already halfway through._

“I know you don’t want my help in pretty much everything and you don’t want to have anything to do with me, because you’re stubborn like hell. But still let me tell you one interesting thing – I’m stubborn as well, maybe even more,” Barry said with a slight smirk forming on his face. “Which means you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily, so I suggest you accept this sooner or later.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Well, you see I think you don’t have much to say in that. As you said, I’m your babysitter and I was summoned by Doctor Wells, your foster dad, which means he thinks you need me. I think that too, so I’m gonna do what I do best – teach you some manners,” Barry replied now with a full mocking smirk on his face which irritated Oliver even more, he just wanted to punch the brunet before him so much it wasn’t even possible.

“We’ll work on your killing stare later, but right now I think we should focus more on the state you are currently in. I know you’re not a bad guy, Ollie, even though you try so hard to convince me otherwise. And I think the reason why you’re acting this way is the fact you’re enormously tired. Losing inevitable sleep isn’t doing you any good, it causes this horrible mood of yours, which means there is only one way how to stop this. Go home, lay your stubborn ass on the bed and sleep,” Barry said firmly. He had some suspicions of Oliver’s insomnia and nightmares were still the most likely option, although he didn’t like it. He understood why the blond would want to avoid them in any way possible, but right now, this was starting to be beyond dangerous. And Oliver needed to at least try to sleep, because for the past few days Oliver had been doing the exact opposite and Barry was aware of that. There was no certainty that the nightmares would not come to bother him this time, but in Barry’s eyes Oliver was a fighter. And because of that, the brunet believed Oliver could take it.

“I can’t. We need to finish our project.”

“That can wait, but your state is getting worse by minutes. You need to get some sleep now,” Barry replied with a demanding voice. Oliver stayed quiet for a while, overthinking his thoughts. Barry was right, he was literally falling apart and it was only a matter of time before he would at some point break down and collapse for good. Felicity wouldn’t survive that and the fact Harry hadn’t killed him before would immediately change. And although Oliver was determined to not show his feelings in front of anyone, he didn’t wish to cause another pain to them. That was never his intention. But the exhaustion made him like this, he couldn’t think clearly and there was always a possibility he would jeopardize the project if he didn’t get more sleep. There was no running from the nightmares this time, he needed to fight.

“Fine. Don’t screw up anything else while I’m gone,” Oliver said pointing his finger at Barry’s face.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here and I’ll keep an eye on everything. No chance anything bad will happen under my guard,” Barry grinned slightly.

“That’s exactly what I’m worrying about,” Oliver murmured but soon after that a slight smirk started to form on his face as he was walking away from the brunet.

“I heard that!” Barry replied faking an offended voice, chuckling slightly. This was the Oliver he liked, the real one. After that he headed back to the lab, living up to his word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer, but because it had so many words I decided to cut it into two parts. Which means you can expect the other part pretty soon…ish. And after a few more chapters the AI will be finished and ready to launch. So see you next chapter :).


	11. Maybe I'm to blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh god, it’s you again,” Oliver murmured annoyed that he was once again having this stupid dream.
> 
> “Gee, thanks, you really know how to cheer up someone,” the guide replied with Barry’s voice. 
> 
> “I don’t want to be here, so don’t expect me to fall into your arms.”
> 
> “But it’s still better than nightmares, isn’t it?” the guide asked cocking his head.
> 
> “Being stuck here in a middle of nowhere with the most annoying person? Seems like a nightmare to me,” Oliver smirked.

And Oliver really did go to sleep. As soon as he opened the door and made his way into his room he immediately fell on the bed and closed his tired eyes. He didn’t even bother to take some clothes off, he was that tired. And after a moment he fell asleep, which led him into a world of dreams.

Oliver once again found himself in the middle of that vast desert. Once again there was nothing to spot, only sand and stones were ruling the place. There was no other sign of life, just him. And when his eyes adopted to the strong light he spotted the guide, sitting on a stone right in front of him. And of course he was in Barry’s form. There was no way he would have it otherwise.

“Oh god, it’s you again,” Oliver murmured annoyed that he was once again having this stupid dream.

“Gee, thanks, you really know how to cheer up someone,” the guide replied with Barry’s voice.

“I don’t want to be here, so don’t expect me to fall into your arms.”

“But it’s still better than nightmares, isn’t it?” the guide asked cocking his head.

“Being stuck here in a middle of nowhere with the most annoying person? Seems like a nightmare to me,” Oliver smirked.

“Ouch, you are hurting my feelings, Oliver,” the guide replied faking an offended voice.

“That’s nothing comparing to you not letting me sleep at night,” Oliver barked.

“You think that’s my fault?”

“Doesn’t matter what I think because you are going to do everything in your power to change my mind, aren’t you?” Oliver snorted.

“This might surprise you, but I’m not so thrilled about being here either. And it’s not my fault we’re here. This is all on you,” the guide stated waving with his hands towards the desert.

“And what isn’t my fault, exactly?”

“Do you remember what we talked about when we were here the last time?” the guide asked ignoring the question.

“With the perfect detail,” Oliver sighed.

“Then why does it seem to me you’re trying to forget that?”

“What do you want from me?” Oliver frowned.

“The truth maybe. Why have you been avoiding him?”

“You know why.”

“Yes, I know, but the question is – do you know that too? Because if you do, then say it and finally admit the truth. You’ll see it can make you feel better,” the guide stated and waited for the answer, but nothing came from Oliver’s mouth. It was dry for any kind of words and his mind was no better. Thoughts completely shaken and flipped. His own brain felt like a maze from which there was no escape. And he was stuck there, searching for a way out, rejecting the thought there was none. Because sometimes it felt like he was getting somewhere. Every time he had been working on something, it felt like there was nothing wrong with him. He was still stuck in that maze, but in these moments he didn’t mind. But when he was alone, everything changed. Every time he’d found himself thinking about the things which had happened to him, he was once again lost, desperately in need of help even though there was none. But every time he thought he’d already lost all hope, a light found its way to him in the form of his loved ones. So when he was with Felicity, Harry or Sara, this light was shining brightly for him, showing him the right way how to get out of that maze. However, he’d never managed to get there on time before the light completely faded out and he once again found himself in darkness.

But recently he’d managed to notice something strange. There was another kind of light which was trying to reach him and show him the way out and for some reason it was different, new. And it appeared every time when he was talking with Barry. That brunet had somehow managed to get under his skin and continued to reach his heart. And although Barry’s presence had been sometimes even bigger help than Felicity’s, Oliver refused to let that happen, because he didn’t wish another person being so close to him. He already had enough and he’d already lost enough of them. Even though he didn’t wish anything more than just finally get out of that stupid maze, he couldn’t take such risks so he would end up hurt once again. And because of this, he was completely torn.

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Barry isn’t the one at fault? That maybe I am?” Oliver whispered barely audible for the guide to hear, but the guide refused to let such a precious information slipped through his ears.

“Talking with people has never been easy for me, because most of my encounters were tied with mocking and violence. I had Harry, Felicity and then also Sara, but clearly that wasn’t enough. The truth is I don’t like the person I’m now, because I’ve become them, the people I hated most in my life and it’s difficult to come back from that. And sometimes I manage to convince myself that acting like this is better, because this way people would leave me alone and I wouldn’t come to care for them. And that’s why I keep my distance from him. Because of all the people I’ve met he is the fastest in reaching me and that makes him dangerous. I can’t have any more people I care about, because I don’t think I would survive all that pain if they decided to leave me. Look what Sara’s leave did to me. I almost died and I don’t think I could take it next time. So no, I can’t be friends with him.”

“I think you should give Barry some credit. He’s different from everyone you’ve met, he understands what you’ve been through and how you feel. Of all the people he is the one who would least likely leave you. Just give him a reason to stay.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“Look, Ollie, has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re not the only one who is afraid right now? That maybe he is too? Because he is, trust me I can tell, but instead of backing down he fights back, because he thinks it’s worth the risks, because he thinks you’re worth the risks. Doesn’t he deserve the same?” Oliver stayed quiet for a moment, not making any eye contact with the guide. Why was he always so paranoid? Why was trusting other people for him so difficult? All Barry had been trying to do was just help him with kind words, with comforting touch contacts and all Oliver had been trying to do was just push him away. Because he believed the brunet would leave him one day. But what if he was wrong? What if Barry could never do that? There was a possibility he would stay and be the pillar Oliver needed to lean on. In that case pushing him away would jeopardize that kind of friendship. Although he didn’t believe in himself, Barry did. The brunet believed Oliver was worth the risks, so the least Oliver could do was to believe that Barry was the same. Someone so stubborn had to be worth the risks.

“I think I know what I’m gonna do,” he said, determined.

“Finally! But I hope you mean it seriously this time because if not remember, I’ll find you,” the guide in Barry’s form smirked pointing his two fingers at his hazel-green eyes and then at Oliver’s blue ones. Oliver slightly chuckled at that but regained his sad gaze soon after that.

“Will the nightmares ever stop?” he asked hiding the fact he was desperate, but failing miserably. The guide stood up and came closer to the blond, placing his hand gently on one of Oliver’s shoulders.

“I believe someone once told you that you were unique and that you had the strength to conquer the world,” the guide spoke softly.

“Someone did, but it was a long time ago,” Oliver replied.

“Doesn’t mean it stopped being true. And I believe that if someone is capable of conquering the world, stopping the nightmares from coming is no obstacle,” the guide smiled warmly and slightly squeezed Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver smiled at him sheepishly and soon after that he woke up. 

* * *

 

When Barry came home from work he immediately headed towards Oliver’s room. A wide smile appeared on his face as soon as he spotted the blond sleeping on the bed, as peaceful as when he’d been recovering from the wounds. But this time it was different at some point. It felt different, more real. And a small feeling of pride that Oliver had listened to him at last was growing inside Barry’s heart, warming every inch of his body. And tomorrow Oliver would wake up and he would be once again back to normal, which was everything Barry wanted right now. 

* * *

 

The next day Oliver found himself in Jitters, observing the building just to find one blonde girl with glasses with terrible taste in dressing, or so he thought. He’d always found her outfits impractical and unnecessary, but he’d never told her that. And he definitely wasn’t going to tell her now, because that would immediately destroy his already small chances of getting her forgiveness.

As soon as he spotted her sitting at their spot, his self-confidence slightly returned, because they’d been always coming to Jitters together almost every morning and they’d always chosen the same table. The fact Felicity was at the same spot meant a lot and put his stressed mind at ease. Their friendship was still strong and could be saved. However, all this confidence vanished as soon as Felicity spotted him and gave him a death glare. Yet he still didn’t flinch and sat down to face her directedly regardless.

“Um, can we talk?” he asked a little nervous. Felicity didn’t even look at him, she just continued pretending she was reading some magazine, which was a ridiculous cover, because Oliver knew her better than almost anyone. She would always choose playing with her _babies_ as she would call them. Reading a regular magazine was hardly an option for her.

“That depends if you have more insults to say to me. Or did you come here to tell me how much sorry you are that you can’t allow yourself to feel anything?” she asked irritated.

“Actually I came here to apologize for the way I’d acted yesterday and also for the words I’d said. I wasn’t myself and I understand how hard it must’ve been for you. I’ve been giving you a hard time, which wasn’t right from me. I’m sorry,” Oliver said sincerely, keeping his eyes on hers the whole time. She closed the magazine and looked at the man in front of her.

“Did you have another dream?” she asked suspiciously.

“You could say that,” Oliver grinned.

“And will you ever be able to figure out on your own you’re being a dick? Without any dreams?”

“No promises, but here’s hoping,” Oliver chuckled and Felicity smiled at him.

“So are we good?” Oliver asked.

“We’re good, but next time you’ll be treating me like this you will suffer,” she threatened him with a smirk.

“Duly noted.” After that Oliver turned on his laptop just to check a few things. Although he’d always been pointing out Felicity’s obsession with tech, he was the one who couldn’t imagine living without it in Felicity’s eyes.

After a little moment the door of Jitters opened, the bell rang and Oliver noticed how Felicity smiled and slightly waved towards that direction. His heart quickened at the realization he already knew perfectly who was there behind him. However, he refused to turn around or to give Felicity any hint that he was aware of that. But he couldn’t avoid that fact when the blonde was constantly watching him, her mouth hiding behind a cup of coffee.

“Felicity, this is me noticing you’re staring,” he spoke up without even looking at her, lifting one of his eyebrows.

“But you aren’t even looking at me,” she snorted, sipping from her coffee.

“It isn’t obviously needed because I was right,” he replied, lifting his head to meet her with a smirk on his face. Felicity just glared at him.

“I was just wondering. Barry mentioned you’ve been avoiding him. Why is that?” Oliver just sighed and without saying anything, continued to stare at her.

“Okay, you don’t like people, bad question,” she sighed annoyed.

“Not true,” Oliver whispered roughly.

“Then what is it?”

“I thought that it would be better like this.”

“And now?”

“And now I’m not so sure.”

“Then do something about it.”

“You’re gonna hock me about this until I say yes, aren’t you?” he grinned. She smiled and nodded proudly.

“I’m a hocker.” After that Oliver sighed deeply, closed his laptop and headed towards the brunet who was at the bar buying himself a coffee.

As soon as Barry got the coffee and payed for it, he turned around to find himself once again bumping into someone. Thankfully, this time the person before him had such good reflexes that they managed to catch the cup without causing any damage. Barry stopped breathing and when he looked at the man in front of him, he was stunned. Oliver was now so close to him, closer than ever before, which caused his heart to beat again quickly pumping the blood into his brain.

“Careful, I heard you don’t have much luck when it comes to coffees,” Oliver smiled slightly and handed him the coffee. Barry rolled his eyes, remembering his first and then second encounter with Wells, who had had to have a great amount of fun saying that to Oliver. But right now, Barry didn’t find it funny at all. He started to blush awkwardly which didn’t escape Oliver’s attention.

“And did Wells also mention that he was the one who had bumped into me the second time?” Barry protested trying so hard to cover his flushed cheeks, but it was pointless. His head was literally on fire, which meant, Oliver must have noticed even though he was very thorough in hiding it.

“He didn’t need to. I kind of figured from the way he was talking about it. It was obvious,” Oliver replied, struggling to get to the real point of this conversation and this Barry noticed. So he tried very hard to take over the talking until Oliver would be ready to say his part.

“You look better, by the way, much better,” he pointed out.

“I feel much better, thanks to you.”

“Just doing my job,” Barry smirked.

“Yeah, about that, I need to tell you something,” Oliver sighed straightening his chest, looking directedly at the brunet.

“Is everything okay?” Barry asked, worried whether Oliver was going to kick him out or maybe do something even worse.

“It’s just…. I wanna be honest with you, Barry. I’ve been avoiding you.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured,” Barry smiled weakly.

“I wasn’t very subtle about it.”

“Subtle? You? No, not even a little bit,” Barry nodded and they both chuckled slightly.

“But there was a reason behind it all.”

“I just don’t get it, Oliver. On that rooftop we were talking like normal people do and when we came down, you just snapped.”

“I guess I’m not a normal person or maybe we should’ve stayed on that rooftop.”

“Talk to me. What went wrong?”

“On that rooftop living with you seemed like something which could really help me, to become the person everyone wants me to be, but as soon as we got back to the apartment, I just remembered the last time I’d lived with someone. I thought about Sara and how she told me her story and instead of comforting her and being there for her I shouted at her, kicked her out of the apartment and never saw her again. I thought about Harry and how he asked me to behave nicely during one of his most important nights. He was supposed to earn a few more sponsors for his project, but that didn’t happen because I got drunk and ruined everything. Moving out from his house was the next thing I did, when I got back my sobriety. And then I thought about my parents and sister, which also hadn’t gone well for me. I was there lying in my bed thinking about all this and I realized that no matter how hard I tried, there was no way for me to fully move on from that. And after what Felicity told me yesterday I still think there is none, because she was right. All my life everyone wanted me to be perfect in some way, my parents, Harry and Felicity, but I can’t really change who I am. Losing so much changed me in so many ways that my head hurts every time I think about it. And there is no reversing it, even though I would want that. I’ve learned that hiding and ignoring my emotions is always the better option and after time it happened to be natural for me. And you asked what’s wrong with me, that’s what’s wrong, because that Oliver Queen, whom everyone wants so much, who cares deeply and shows it every time is no longer here, never was in fact. And I can’t change who I am, not now and not ever. And the reason I’ve been avoiding you is that you’re just another person who is going to try to bring that Oliver back and I wanted to prevent that from happening. Because it’s pointless. It’s never going to work,” Oliver said and Barry just looked at him with a non-believing look, frowning. There was no way Barry would let Oliver give up so easily. Barry believed that there was a way and it wasn’t honestly only for Oliver to decide whether this was possible or not. Whether Barry would leave him alone or not was entirely up to him and he wasn’t planning to do that.

“I think you’re full of crap,” Barry replied honestly, which kept Oliver stunned. He wanted to protest, but stopped himself, thinking that maybe letting Barry say what he wanted to say would be the best idea right now.

“Look, you’ve convinced yourself that everything you’ve been through took away your humanity. But I think it’s because of your humanity that you made it through. You may have lost too much, but you’ve found much more. You’ve got Doctor Wells who loves you as his own son and Felicity who cares about you deeply. You wouldn’t have found those people, much less accomplished your every success to help people all around the world, if you didn’t have a light inside of you,” Barry said sincerely, meaning every word. Oliver felt horrible, because he wanted to protest, his brain couldn’t take that as an acceptable answer. That statement was hard to believe in his eyes. But in the same time he wanted to believe it, that he still had a hope at redemption, which caused him to be completely torn. His head hurt, his breath felt heavy and finding words was never more difficult.

“And yesterday only proved it,” Barry continued. “Because yes, Cisco screwed up a little and after that you weren’t exactly an angel to him, but we both know that wasn’t really the reason. You lost control because you’re suffering. I can see that, because I was the same like you and you know who help me? People who are close to me. Yes, maybe they couldn’t fully understand the pain I was bearing, but they still kept trying and that’s what mattered. They really helped, which means that people like that could help you too and believe me, the more close friends you have, which you fully trust, the less the pain hurts. And it’s never late to find people like that. You are saying that who you are is the real you and that it is locked, but honestly let me be the judge of that. And when I come to the same conclusion, I will let you be, but for now, let me try,” Barry smiled warmly, which caused Oliver another feeling of loving warmth. His face also didn’t end up without a smile.

“But you have to keep trying too. For example stop being like this, because this guy is a douche.” Oliver chuckled at that, which caused Barry’s heart to melt. Hearing Oliver laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds for him to hear and he wanted nothing more than just hear it again.

“And be the real Oliver Queen, who I know is there.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I saw it multiple times, when you were with Felicity, on that rooftop or when Charlie told me what you did. It’s really there, Ollie, we just need keep digging a little more to fully uncover it.” It was… confusing for Oliver. When he looked at Barry’s hazel green eyes, he didn’t see any sham, just truth, sincerity and light. Barry had multiple reasons to be mean, ignorant towards Oliver, but instead of that, Barry was kind, encouraging and he kept believing that Oliver could do better. People had happened to be like Barry before but for Oliver it was different now. Because with Barry, Oliver believed that he could do better too. The brunet made him smile many times and helped him to hold on to his humanity. Barry was his light and he didn’t give a damn that they barely knew each other and their relationship was… complicated, Oliver was not blind nor stupid. He was aware of the fact he cared about what the brunet thought of him. The first time they’d met, Oliver rarely payed any attention to the brunet, but now on the second thought, when he looked at him for the second time thoroughly, he felt different. Back then, he was wrong, he made mistakes, but Barry still believed there was a way for redemption. Thanks to that not only Oliver began to believe it too, he began to want to find it more than anything. And all of that happened just because the brunet walked into his life and refused to leave it. Oliver wanted to be a better person, Barry made him a better person, so there was no reason why he shouldn’t take this chance.

“And if you ever doubt it, just remember you too have a heart, which is beating strongly for everyone who is willing to listen,” Barry smiled and slowly placed his palm on Oliver’s chest, smiling at the feeling of the steady beat. After that he gently touched Oliver’s hand and placed it at the same place, holding it there so the blond would feel it and Oliver did. And he never thought that this feeling would be so unforgettably amazing. He felt alive and finally it wasn’t just about surviving, it was about living and believing in the impossible, because that was yet another thing Barry was doing to him – he made him believe in the impossible. And the world was immediately a brighter and better place when someone was looking at it through dreamer’s eyes.

“Thanks, Barry,” he smiled warmly.

“You’re welcome,” Barry returned that smile and they both headed towards Felicity who certainly hadn’t been watching them the whole time, wishing she could hear them.

“So does that mean I will finally get your number?” Barry asked.

“Nope,” Oliver replied mildly, but Barry could hear the playing hint in his voice.

“Oh, come on! We live together now so I need it more than ever. What if I forget the keys? How will I contact you?” Barry argued, but couldn’t fool anyone, especially not Oliver fucking Queen. The blond knew precisely that Barry wanted his number just to get more chances at teasing him and being the annoying fuck he was through texting and calling. That was the last thing Oliver wanted and although Barry’s words had been the biggest salvation for him, he really didn’t wish to get attached so quickly. And after all he needed some time just for himself so he hoped Barry would grant him that without asking stupid questions. And if not, this was going to be a hard couple of months for him. Although he managed to catch how Barry had been pointing out them living together quite often. He didn’t hold back so it almost seemed that Barry didn’t mind their current situation, maybe the brunet even enjoyed it, but Oliver couldn’t tell for sure. Barry wasn’t an open book in everything so sometimes (pretty often) Oliver found it difficult to make any conclusions. But it still meant something to him, something good. However, teasing Barry seemed like the best option.

“I would welcome something like that. I would get rid of you for at least some time,” Oliver smirked and Barry just frowned, pretending to be offended.

“Now that was just mean,” he stated.

“Well I’m after all a mean person.” _No, you’re not. You’re one of the nicest person I’ve met. I know that for sure,_ Barry thought.

“Don’t worry, Barry, I’ll give you his number,” Felicity smiled.

“What kind of a best friend are you?” Oliver asked horrified by the fact she was siding with Barry.

“The one you don’t deserve, clearly, but believe me, you will once thank me for it, because you will be the one texting and calling him.” At least she was right in one thing – he didn’t deserve her.

“Yeah, the probability that would happen is like 13,93%,” Oliver snorted.

“Still better than nothing,” Barry smiled and Oliver couldn’t find any words to say on this matter, so the three of them just headed towards STAR Labs talking like real friends. And suddenly the light in Oliver’s maze was stronger than ever. Barry’s presence made sure of that. And because of that the idea of him getting out didn’t seem so surreal anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like even a stubborn ass can be broken when you fight them with even more stubbornness :). I enjoyed writing this greatly and I can’t wait to see how Oliver will get out of his maze.


	12. Just couldn't resist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rumor has it you’re unbeatable in chess,” Barry spoke up.
> 
> “Rumor means Harry told you?” Oliver replied, refusing to give any attention to the brunet and just continuing his work. 
> 
> “No, others have mentioned it too,” Barry snorted. “But the question is – is it true?” Barry smirked playfully.
> 
> “Why are you asking?”
> 
> “Just want to know what I’m getting myself into. Care to join me for a game?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t seem to stop myself. Writing this story is like a drug for me and even when I’m not writing it, I can’t stop thinking about it. Is it okay or am I already a lost cause? XD And also I think I should mention the actual age of Oliver and Barry. I should have done this at the beginning but in that time I had no idea how I wanted this story to go. And now I think it’s time, so they are both younger and the difference between them is really small. Oliver is right now 26 and Barry is 24. I hope that’s okay, so enjoy.

And the smiles and calm feeling stayed within them the whole way to STAR Labs. And silence wasn’t a burden either. Both Felicity and Barry were natural talkers and sometimes it was impossible for them to shut up. Yet Oliver didn’t find this as a problem at all. Normally after some time he would start to be annoyed and tired but right now, he didn’t mind. Listening to their joyful voices, seeing their happy faces couldn’t keep him cold for long. It was already a lost cause right at the beginning. However, there were moments when Barry tried to make him talk more. In that case Oliver complied although not very willingly. And every time he felt like it, some part of his brain, which was hardly under his command, took over and cast a smile across his face just for the brunet. Although Barry didn’t seem to notice, Felicity was more observant and this got her attention. The times she’d seen her best friend smiling like this could be counted by one hand. And even though she wasn’t willing to admit it, he’d never looked at her this way. Not even once. Not that she wanted him to, it was just…. now she was just confused. Even after all this time there was always something she wouldn’t know about her best friend. It was a part of his nature, which was impossible for her to change. But this was different. This got her attention and her mind wasn’t willing to let go of that so easily.

Since the beginning of world Oliver had been always the first person who got to work. No exceptions, this fact was strictly carved in stone. So you can imagine how everyone was surprised to see that the blond had broken his ritual. And the one who was most stunned by it was Harry, who had returned to town just yesterday. Although when Cisco and Caitlin told him about the previous day, his joy and relief of arrival quickly disappeared. There was no way Oliver would take a break from being a dick, wasn’t there?

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” Harry sighed.

“I wish, but nope,” Cisco replied.

“I just can’t seem to figure this out. I am capable of solving every scientific problem given time, but after 15 years he is the only thing on earth I can’t seem to understand no matter how hard I try,” Harry said with a sad voice.

“You’re saying it like it’s easy to understand him,” Cisco scoffed.

“It’s not, but of all people I should be the one closest to accomplishing it,” Harry sadly murmured and before Cisco or Caitlin could say something to that Oliver, Felicity and Barry entered the lab. And they were all… smiling?

“Oh god, I think I’m hallucinating,” Harry murmured, stunned by the sight before him.

“We must be. There is no way this is happening right now,” Cisco nodded, lifting his brows. As soon as Felicity spotted Wells she ran towards him to hug him, which he willingly accepted.

“It’s so good to finally see you, Doctor Wells. I’m glad you’re back,” she smiled warmly at him. Since she and Oliver had started to be friends, her relationship with Harry improved greatly and sometimes Harry felt like she was the daughter he never had.

“I guess you’re the only one,” he replied releasing her from the hug and then laying eyes on his foster son.

“I heard you’ve been busy,” he crossed arms over his chest and lifted one of his eyebrows, looking directedly at Oliver.

“Oh, you know me. Can’t simply let you take a break,” Oliver smirked.

“So I assume everything is okay now?” Harry asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” Oliver replied with a smile giving a slight look at Barry who returned it kindly. At the sight of that, Cisco frowned and returned to work, trying so hard to ignore people around him.

Harry on the other hand couldn’t help but stare at the two boys and he was totally stunned by the sight in front of him. Did Oliver actually smile at Barry who returned it? _I must be hallucinating for sure,_ he thought.

“How much exactly did I miss?” he asked confused.

“Quite a lot, but don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything,” Felicity smiled and led him to the next part of the lab, leaving the rest of her team alone. After that Oliver’s face immediately hardened, leaving no trace he had been smiling before. He had been aware he was supposed to say something to Cisco but only now it really hit him. Only now he realized how hard that actually might be.

He looked up to see the long-haired brunet. There was no way he was still mad at him, he’d already forgotten that the best way he could, but still his mouth was dry for words.

Cisco was trying to occupy himself just to not look at Oliver at any cost. Caitlin also tried to concentrate on anything else, but a huge part of her was not able to do that. Her curiousness was stronger and the need to hear what Oliver had to say started to easily rule her brain.

The blond looked at Barry in quick motion, searching for some sort of proof he didn’t have to apologize for anything. But instead of that, Barry smirked at him giving him a supporting look soon after that. And although that literally did nothing to help Oliver, it still raised his determination in small measures.

“Hey, Software, how is it going?” Oliver spoke up with a little smirk. Most of the time Oliver called the brunet by his real name, but occasionally he used the nickname he had gotten for him. Of course Cisco didn’t like that at all, which was only another reason for Oliver to stick up to that.

“Could be worse, I guess, but now that you’re here, I’m not so sure,” Cisco replied still focusing on his job. Oliver tried to observe what was happening under his magical hands and he noticed the brunet was trying to fix that robotic eye, which he’d broken the previous day. After that he deeply sighed and looked at Barry annoyed.

_Do I really need to do this?_ , he asked without forming any words. And surprisingly the brunet seemed to understand him, considering he smirked at him playfully. _I’m afraid so,_ Barry replied him the same way and Oliver frowned at him.

“Look, Cisco, I want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. Even though you screwed up it wasn’t right from me to just burst out on you. I would snap sooner or later, but I’m sorry you were the one who took most of it,” Oliver said, keeping his eyes on Cisco, so he didn’t notice how Barry was warmly smiling at him with a feeling of pride. Cisco turned around to see the tall blond, now fully facing him.

“Are you serious? You… you, Oliver Queen, are apologizing to me? This must be a special day,” Cisco smirked.

“Don’t get used to it,” Oliver snorted.

“I wouldn’t dare. Otherwise it wouldn’t feel so damn good the next time you would apologize to me.”

“There will be no next time,” Oliver strictly stated.

“Uh, sorry to break it for you, man, but have you actually met yourself? With your grumpiness and stubbornness that is very hard to keep.”

“It would be easier if you just weren’t so annoying,” Oliver frowned.

“And just like that the magic is gone,” Cisco replied snapping his fingers. _But it still counts as an apology nevertheless,_ he thought. “But still I should apologize too for ruining that eye. It wasn’t on purpose, but I fixed it, Oliver, for you. To show how much I love you,” Cisco claimed with a sarcastic smile. Oliver frowned and made a step forward to say something to the brunet before him, but his piercing blue eyes caught how Barry was looking at him. _Don’t_ , Barry’s eyes pleaded. And although Oliver’s annoyance was still increasing he complied and relaxed, taking the robotic eye from Cisco’s grip gently.

“Thank you,” Oliver murmured and without saying anything else he headed towards his place.

“No problem!” Cisco shouted after him, turning his gaze towards Barry, with non-believing facial features.

“Whoa, you’ve got him more wrapped around your finger than Felicity. She never managed to get him to apologize to me. How did you accomplish that?”

“Cisco, that’s ridiculous. Oliver understood he was wrong and apologized for that. Barry had nothing to do with it,” Caitlin stated, joining the conversation.

“Were you even listening to the same words I was?” Cisco asked, shooting her an unimpressed look.

“Caitlin is right, Cisco, I didn’t say anything to him. In fact we made a peace only a while ago,” Barry nodded.

“Right. So now you’re friends?” Cisco asked cocking his head.

“I guess so,” Barry smiled sincerely.

“I wish I would’ve wagered with Felicity before,” Cisco sadly pointed out. “But still enjoy it, while it lasts because it won’t take long for Oliver to return to his dick-ways. I doubt that thanks to your friendship his insomnia will stop.”

“I agree. Felicity have tried so many times to make his nightmares disappear and nothing helped,” Caitlin nodded.

“Guys, that is ridiculous. The nightmares are just a mental problem and they can be easily solved,” Barry protested.

“If you think so, Barry, but be careful. It’s a touchy subject,” Cisco pointed out.

“And what isn’t in his case?” Barry murmured and went after Oliver, who was already working, not wasting any time. Barry refused to think about Cisco’s words, when he glanced over the lab to see a chessboard in the corner of the room. That caused him to remember Wells’s words and with that it didn’t took long until an idea popped up in his head.

“Rumor has it you’re unbeatable in chess,” Barry spoke up.

“Rumor means Harry told you?” Oliver replied, refusing to give any attention to the brunet and just continuing his work.

“No, others have mentioned it too,” Barry snorted. “But the question is – is it true?” Barry smirked playfully.

“Why are you asking?”

“Just want to know what I’m getting myself into. Care to join me for a game?”

“Nope,” Oliver replied without hesitation.

“Come on, Oliver. Just one game.”

“And then a next one and a next one. Don’t try to play with me, Barry, it won’t work, because I know exactly what you are trying to achieve with this. We have serious job to do and we can’t waste our time with stupidities like this,” the blond argued stopping himself from working, looking up to see the brunet.

“Or maybe you’re just too afraid to face me,” Barry smirked wickedly. Oliver’s lips quirked, he immediately shook off any thought about the project and came closer to the brunet now fully facing him.

“Are you seriously trying to provoke me?” he asked, crossing arms over his chest and cocking his head to one side.

“Not at all. I’m just stating what’s obvious. You apparently don’t have the guts, because you’re afraid I might beat you, which is quite understandable. You’ve never played with me and you don’t know how good or bad I am. Are you willing to risk it, Mr. Queen, or are you just a coward?”

“You’re gonna regret this,” Oliver clenched his teeth after a short moment of silence.

“That’s a yes?”

“That’s an I’m gonna kick your ass in this game,” Oliver clarified confidently.

“Oh yeah? Just after I kick yours,” Barry smirked and headed towards the battlefield with Oliver following. At first yes, he wanted to play chess just to distract the blond from work, but he’d never been bad at this game. He was one of the best in fact and only a few people had managed to beat him. That competitive spirit stayed within him and right now he wanted to beat Oliver more than anything. To show that stubborn ass what mighty Barry Allen was capable of. There was no way Oliver was that good in this game.

And this self-confidence followed him. Even halfway through the game he was still sure that he was going to win. Although he tried to keep his poker face whenever he made a good move, Oliver’s poker face was unbeatable. But still after some time Barry found the whole game so easy that he started to suspect the blond of going easy on him. However, before he could mention it, the blond made a move like he could see into Barry’s mind. Now was the perfect time for Barry to start sweating.

After this turn the possibility of him winning was not so certain anymore.

“Is there something wrong?” Oliver asked with a smirk forming on his face, when he noticed Barry’s nervousness.

“There is nothing wrong. Why are you asking?”

“No reason, just, you seem to be a little off the edge.”

“You’re hallucinating,” Barry snorted.

“You can still back down, you know? I won’t tell anyone.” _You certainly will if I do that,_ Barry snorted.

“Who do you think I am, Oliver? Always telling me that it’s okay to back down. Screw you. I didn’t back down when it came to living with you, so why the hell would I back down now?” Oliver tried so hard to hold back his chuckle because it was actually quite adorable to see the brunet like this, so angry and nervous over a stupid game. He had an opportunity to see him from different point of view, the one Barry didn’t like to show to anyone and that brought a huge joy into Oliver’s heart.

“Because you’re gonna lose. It is inevitable now. And you feel awkward for speaking so confidently before. How are you gonna feel when I remind you that moment will stay in my mind for the rest of my life, which means I can remind you of it whenever I want?” Oliver smirked wickedly. Barry’s cheeks immediately reddened at the realization, his hands began to tremble and sweating even increased. He could swear he’d never felt such a strong heat spreading through his entire body. _Screw your eidetic memory, Oliver!_

“You’re just trying to distract me so I would for sure lose!” Barry burst out frustrated with still blushing cheeks, like he was on fire.

“You’re so cruel for accusing me of a crime I would never commit,” Oliver protested faking an offended voice.

“Shut up,” Barry simply replied and after that Oliver’s mouth stopped talking and just broke into a wide smile of amusement, which unfortunately the brunet couldn’t see, because he was now fully facing the chessboard, not letting anything distract him.

* * *

 

It didn’t take long after that until the game was finished. By that time Oliver was smiling with amusement written all over his face at the frustrated brunet before him.

“Well, look at that. It seems I beat you. Checkmate,” Oliver smirked wickedly and Barry just glared at him.

“Don’t take it so seriously. No one has managed to beat me in chess before. The fact you lost doesn’t mean you’re a bad player.”

“Does that mean it was difficult for you to beat me?” Barry asked with a devilish smirk, collecting his self-confidence back.

“I didn’t say that,” Oliver answered promptly.

“But you think so, right?”

“I played one game with you as you asked. Now it’s time to go back to work,” Oliver replied, dodging the question and breaking the eye contact with the brunet. After that he stood up and walked away from him.

“Next time I’ll beat you,” Barry claimed.

“There will be no next time,” Oliver finished. _Oh, sure there will be a next time. I won’t let this slide just like that,_ Barry thought. However after that neither of them said anything more on this subject and they returned to their duty. Yet neither of their heads were completely focused on reality. Barry was wondering whether Oliver would once again stay here for the whole night and if so, he thought about finding a way how to prevent that.

Oliver on the other hand was dealing with his confusion, or trying to deal with it was a better expression. And every time Barry crossed by, his whole system reacted so strangely that the whole confusion only increased. Avoiding him would be an easy option, but he’d already promised he would stop with that and he intended to keep that promise no matter how hard it was. 

* * *

 

The whole day flew by quicker than Barry would like to admit and now they were once again closer to finishing their project. However, there was till so much to do and because of that it was no surprise the stubborn ass wanted to stay in STAR Labs to continue their work. Yet Barry was not willing to leave it like that.

“So is Victor Frankenstein going to once again stay here or did you talk him out of it?” Cisco asked when he was already packing his stuff.

“Not yet, but I will. He saw what the lack of sleep does to him. If he protests, who is the one being stupid then?”

“Still you,” Cisco promptly replied.

“Thanks, really,” Barry scoffed, annoyed.

“Look, man, everyone has already given up on that. Even Felicity has stopped trying already. Doctor Wells doesn’t give a damn so why are you so eagerly pushing into this?” _Yes, Barry, why can’t you just let go of that? Most people would already do it, but no you. You just keep pushing and digging. Why?_ Barry wondered.

“Because all my life I wanted to help people who needed it. And Oliver is clearly one of them. What kind of a friend would I be if I turned my back on him?” Barry explained.

“Do what you think is best, Barry, just be careful, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Barry replied and made his way to Oliver’s place. 

* * *

 

“Hey,” he spoke up as soon as his eyes landed on the concentrated blond. However, concentration or not, something was telling him that the blond was fully paying attention to what he had to say even though Oliver didn’t say anything in return. But honestly that didn’t help him to regain his clear mind, because he still had no idea what he should say to make the blond come with him instead of staying there. When the silence happened to be really awkward he used the most ridiculous excuse which popped up in his head.

“I forgot my keys,” he spoke up sheepishly.

“You’re lying,” Oliver promptly replied not even looking up to see the brunet.

“No, I’m being serious. I guess, my mind was lost in clouds this morning. It won’t happen again, I promise. My head was just not on right place,” Barry replied with all sincerity he could find within himself, but the blond still didn’t look satisfied, considering the unimpressed look, which decorated his face. Oliver could throw the man his own keys, simple as that, but he was not stupid. The idea of Barry trying to stop him from staying in STAR Labs had crossed his mind even before it’d crossed Barry’s. He just didn’t think it could be so lame. However, instead of being annoyed by the thought, he smiled with amusement on the ground so the brunet wouldn’t see it. And after he managed to regain his previous state, he looked up, giving Barry yet another unimpressed look.

“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you, Barry?” Oliver spoke up as he came closer to face the brunet.

“Never,” Barry replied without hesitation.

“Even if it could help me?” Oliver made yet another step forward, now standing dangerously too close, or so Barry thought. If the man tried to make yet another step forward, Barry would be forced to back down. The brunet refused to look anywhere else than into those piercing blue eyes. There was something about them, which Barry couldn’t quite comprehend. Every time he happened to look directedly into the blond’s eyes, he found it hard to stop, like they weren’t willing to let him look anywhere else.

Oliver’s face was deadly serious, but Barry could easily see the amusement in his eyes, which would soon lead into a devilish smirk if Oliver let it. That was everything Barry needed to know that this situation was not going to work out fine for him. However, he refused to give Oliver the satisfaction and looked at the blond with a determined look, trying so hard to ignore the fact they were so close to each other, but failing miserably.

“Would you lie to me if you meant to help me?” Barry shot back. However Oliver didn’t even blink at the question and came with an answer only a few seconds later.

“Of course not. Why would I ever want to help you?” Oliver scoffed.

“Now who’s lying?” Barry smirked. The blond fought so hard to keep his straight face and not break right there. There was no way he would give Barry that satisfaction. The brunet wanted to smile triumphantly, but was stopped as soon as one of Oliver’s hands made its way into one of his pockets on his jeans. He flinched slightly at the contact but didn’t jerk away as Oliver’s hand slipped inside. Although how such a huge hand was able to slip inside his pocket was beyond his understanding.

“At least now you know how it feels, when someone’s lying to you. Sucks, doesn’t it?” Oliver said as his hand left Barry’s pocket, holding its bounty. He handed him the keys with the smirk he was so desperate to show. After that he walked away from him once again returning to work, while Barry was trying to do everything in his power to regain his natural color and get rid of the redundant heat in his cheeks. And even when he succeeded the thought of that slight touch stayed in his mind for a long time after that.

“Okay, but still we should head home. Nobody is here but us,” Barry stated seriously.

“So go. I don’t hold you here as a captive,” Oliver replied without turning to face him.

“Yeah, you see that’s the thing. I want you to come with me,” Barry said firmly.

“I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Don’t lie to me, Oliver, I know you plan on staying here once again the whole night,” Barry said and came closer to the blond who finally looked up to face him.

“What do you want from me, Barry?” Oliver asked sighing deeply to prevent himself from showing any emotion.

“I just want to prevent you from hurting yourself,” Barry stated with a clear fear in his hazel green eyes, which didn’t escape Oliver’s attention.

“I won’t, I promise. I just need to finish a few things first,” Oliver explained sincerely. Barry locked his eyes with him and observed every detail which could help him to decide whether to believe the man in front of him or not. But Oliver was a good liar and hiding his true intentions was like a piece of cake. This fact made Barry sad, because he just wished there wouldn’t be any reason for Oliver to hold back in front of him, he just wished the blond would fully trust him. Yet trust had to be mutual and it also had to start somewhere, so maybe a move forward would be the best way how to start.

“Okay, if that is the case, then I’ll stay here with you,” Barry firmly claimed.

“What?” Oliver asked, stunned by the answer, because in no way he’d been expecting this would happen. No one had ever offered something like this and the fact Barry was the only one was even a bigger mystery. This brunet was still full of surprises.

“You said you needed to finish a few things and that’s why you refuse to go home now, isn’t it? So I offer you a deal – I stay here and help you finish anything you need and when we are done, we will go home together. What do you say?” Barry asked and lifted his right hand for Oliver to shake. The blond observed him thoroughly, trying to find any hint that Barry was lying to him but he couldn’t find anything. The way the brunet spoke, it looked almost like he wasn’t capable of lying at all. Oliver knew very well that the man in front of him was damaged the same way he was, but unlike him Barry was hiding it every day, acting like everything was okay. And that was still yet for Oliver to comprehend, but right now it seemed impossible to do so. Barry had been finding out more information about Oliver day by day, while Oliver had done no progress in getting answers on his questions. He wanted to know so many things but Barry refused to accept himself as a main subject of conversations. Oliver didn’t want to push him but sometimes he felt like his curiousness was taking over his mind.

But that was not this case. Now only thing that mattered was the fact there was no dark intentions behind Barry’s beautiful eyes, they were completely pure the same way as Barry himself. And that was yet another incomprehensible thing about Barry. How was he doing that? He managed to convince Oliver that he was a better person, which was an honorable success really. And when Oliver remembered how he’d acted when they’d first met, he started to blush of embarrassment. _Not a best way of making impression, but at least now we are here,_ he thought and shook off any other thoughts on this matter, because the silence between them was starting to be really awkward and poor Barry still waited for Oliver to shake their hands.

“Okay, deal,” Oliver firmly exclaimed.

“Really? Just like that?” Barry wondered.

“Yes, just like that,” Oliver smiled weakly and shook his hand with the brunet, refusing to flinch even considering how sweaty Barry’s hand felt. However, Barry noticed that nevertheless, which once again turn on his blushing on high level.

“Uh, sorry, my hands get sweaty,” Barry pulled away his hand and rubbed it against his jeans hopelessly, looking at the ground with reddened cheeks, refusing to look up at the blond. Oliver just smiled at him without the brunet knowing and looked at his own arm, thinking about the touch contact. And after that he decided he would keep this memory on an easy place to reach in his measureless mind and cherish it for the rest of eternity, because a thought of this would never fail to make him smile.

“Come on, we have a job to do,” Oliver said and headed towards his unfinished work. Barry quickly nodded with a small smile and followed him without any further words, just glad they were getting along so well finally. 

* * *

 

Spending the entire evening with Barry was not as bad as Oliver had thought. It was… quite bearable and maybe even fun, but most importantly he wanted to do this again, as soon as possible. Because with Barry it wasn’t just about the job, there were also smiles, jokes, laughs and teasing which led to both of them not being able to fully concentrate on work, but neither of them minded.

And Oliver kept his end of the bargain and when they managed to finish everything he wanted they headed home and even then Oliver didn’t stop feeling good and the same could be said about Barry.

However all their talking and ridiculous bickering stopped as soon as both of them entered their rooms. There, Oliver once again felt alone and insecure. The fear of the nightmares which had been hunting him almost every night was immediately back, trying to take over his brain. He took a few breathes to stabilize himself and put his mind at ease, but he still didn’t feel any different. Yet he knew he’d promised he would at least try, for Barry and for his own sake. So he closed his tired eyes thinking about that evening, which cast a smile across his face as he fell asleep and soon after that entered the world of dreams. 

* * *

 

His most dreadful fears happened and he woke up, barely being able to catch his breath, reimagining his nightmares every time he closed his eyes, making all the horror countless times worse. He gave it a few tries, once again closing his eyes, calming his mind, but everything seemed pointless. The vivid images were still fresh within his mind appearing every time and he was not capable of experiencing it again anymore. He could not stay there after this. So he quickly put some clothes on and headed towards the door when suddenly he spotted Barry standing in the doorway. It was dark but Oliver could clearly see Barry’s questioning gaze, he was just unsure what to say to the brunet. Thankfully, Barry made the first step.

“Going somewhere?” he asked forming a slight smirk, but the blond saw the seriousness in his hazel green eyes. This was no fun for Barry, this was serious and although Oliver appreciated it, he refused to talk to the brunet.

“I just need some air,” Oliver murmured.

“Full of chemical gases?” Barry teased, but Oliver didn’t look amused at all by that. Yet Barry didn’t want to give up on his idea to make the other man smile. For him it seemed like one of the best ways to put his mind at ease and to make him forget the horrific nightmares. However, now when it clearly didn’t work out for him as he wanted, he was ready to change his strategy.

“Leave me alone, Barry,” Oliver replied coldly, keeping his heightened emotions at bay. Barry’s face immediately softened at that, hearing the broken voice even though the blond was trying so hard to hide it. After this much time Barry had started to be capable of detecting Oliver’s hidden emotions. He was still a beginner, but he had been getting better day by day for sure.

“Ollie, you clearly need someone right now and what kind of a friend would I be if I refused to help you at need?” Barry asked. Was it wrong to call them friends? Sure he had called them friends during his conversation with Cisco and Caitlin, but admitting it in front of Oliver after all felt different. But what other word was even there to use really? They were roommates, spending time together, making fun of each other. Definitely friends, right?

Although Barry was arguing with his inner thoughts, Oliver on the other hand still suffered from the vivid images of the nightmares in his head. And the fact, they were standing there in dark didn’t make it easier either. Only after he managed to push them away, he realized what Barry had said.

“That kind of a friend who lets me make my own choices even though I’m wrong,” Oliver replied, causing Barry to sigh secretly with relief at the fact Oliver didn’t deny they were friends. And not only that. He even confirmed it. So their friendly status was official. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

“If I let you make the same wrong decisions all over again, I suck as a friend,” he shot back.

“I don’t need your help.”

“Oh really? Let’s see. I heard you screaming in your sleep, I can see the horror in your eyes and your voice never sounded more broken. You are seeing those nightmares right now, aren’t you? Every time you close your eyes, you see them as if they were happening right in front of you, experiencing the pain and horror all over again,” Barry said softly keeping his eyes on the blond, who refused to return the gesture. That was an answer which Barry needed to know that he was right.

“I know exactly how you feel, Ollie, and I understand why you’re trying to push me away because I was the same, dreaming horrible nightmares every night. Like you I denied every help, which was offered. So I know perfectly you pushing it away won’t make anything better, it won’t ease the pain. I can help you, Ollie, but you’ve gotta trust me.” Now even Barry’s heart was beating quickly, because of the worries, that maybe he was taking it all too far too quickly. Although Oliver didn’t deny they were friends, trust was a completely different thing and Barry was not sure whether that word even existed in Oliver’s dictionary. And if so, did Oliver consider him as someone he could fully trust? They barely knew each other so well, but even so Barry felt like he could trust Oliver. He felt like some little part of him was guiding him through the world telling him who is worthy of his trust. And this part of him was never more confident about being right. This part of him was doing everything in its power to make him trust the blond, because for some reason he believed there was no way Oliver would ever betray him in any way. He of all people was the last person who would ever do that. And for some reason he felt more confident this was true than when it came to Joe or Iris. Which was ridiculous because he’d known them his whole life. Comparing to them Oliver was a stranger, a mean stranger at first in fact. But still Barry wanted to trust him fully without any hesitation or obstacles holding him back and sometimes he felt like he already did. Although it probably must have happened a long time ago without him noticing. But did Oliver trust him?

The blond was not sure. He liked Barry, he no longer held any grudge towards the brunet, but the trust was more complicated matter. It took time and effort for him to fully trust anyone in his life. But Barry was different. He’d been moving forward quickly as a speeding bullet, getting himself to places to earn Oliver’s trust much faster than anyone else. And Oliver was not sure whether Barry had already earned his trust or would betray him at the first chance he got.

However, now Oliver felt horrible and he needed someone, he needed Barry and if the brunet could really help him, then he was willing to take this risk.

“Okay,” he half-whispered softly. Barry gave him an encouraging smile and entered Oliver’s bedroom.

“Take off your clothes,” Barry commanded. Oliver lifted one of his eyebrows which transformed into a slight smirk. That caused Barry to blush awkwardly as soon as he realized what he’d just said.

“I mean not all of them! Just… as many as you need,” Barry nervously stuttered. _Oh god, that sounded even worse,_ the brunet thought to himself. He turned around to hide his blushing cheeks while Oliver take off some of his clothes. When Barry managed to regain his natural color, he turned around once again to see the blond already lying in his bed. No matter what he did, the brunet couldn’t stop shivering nervously, his hands were sweating but still cold to touch. He couldn’t understand why this was happening to him. He’d already done this with Iris countless times, anytime one of them had nightmares. So why was he so nervous now? He was doing this for a friend which meant there was no reason for him to feel weird about it, but he still did. So he tried to fully concentrate on the reason why he was even doing this and pushed his nervous feelings to the back part of his brain.

Now it was Oliver’s turn to be nervous and confused as soon as he spotted the brunet lying down on the bed beside him. Luckily for him, the darkness in the room could cover his blushing cheeks perfectly.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked calmly with a vivid confusion in his voice. Barry looked at him once he positioned himself and slipped under the duvet.

“I thought you trusted me,” he smirked, not realizing Oliver could barely see it.

“Do I have a choice?”

“No, not anymore. Now when I’m already here it would be awkward to just end it without actually helping you. But no pressure, Iris and I do this all the time.”

“Is that the reason why you’re so nervous?” Oliver asked, cocking his head to one side.

“Pff no, I’m not nervous. Why would you think that?”

“Darkness cannot hide everything, Barry Allen,” Oliver smiled.

“You’re hallucinating, Mr. Queen,” Barry snorted.

“Then I guess you should start with the helping part.”

“But I already did. I’m helping you right now by staying here with you and talking with you so you wouldn’t feel alone and so that you wouldn’t think about the nightmares.” Oliver stayed silent for a second, stunned, thinking about Barry’s words. Could it really be that simple?

“That’s all the magic?” he asked, confused.

“Every magic trick is lame when you find out how it works,” Barry pointed out and smiled. Oliver smiled too, but shook it off almost seconds later.

“Still you can’t talk to me all night. You said it yourself, I need sleep.”

“And you’ll get it.”

“Not if nightmares keep coming back every time I close my eyes.”

“True, but what if they don’t come back?”

“And how would you manage that?” Oliver asked, shooting him an unimpressed look.

“By staying here with you the whole night,” Barry grinned.

“That’s ridiculous,” Oliver replied horrified by the idea.

“I asked you to trust me on this so trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about. I will keep my distance, I swear. And if my presence don’t make the nightmares disappear, I will never try again, okay? I will let you be, I promise,” Barry said sadly, wishing he could lie, but he couldn’t lie to Oliver, not about his. However, he prayed that he was capable of helping him, because he didn’t want to stop trying. He could see all his effort was worthwhile and he enjoyed every minute of the result. Seeing Oliver happy with a smile on his face was the most satisfying reward he’d ever gotten and it was hard for him to let go of that, but if Oliver really wished it so hard, then he could not prevail for long.

Oliver could see how Barry meant every word he said. There was no doubt or lie behind it. It was all clear and sincere, which made Oliver even more sad. Barry’s effort to make him smile and believe in himself was sometimes annoying but it was working. And it was for a first time after a long time someone tried to accomplish it. Barry had been helping him more than he was aware. And Oliver was not ready to let go of that. He actually enjoyed that fact and decided to cherish it instead of rejecting it.

And because of that, the blond decided to not lose that, even though Barry would fail. He was trying and that meant a mountain for Oliver. Not everyone was so unbreakable in effort to gain his trust and Oliver was so thankful that there was no way he would let it vanish.

“Okay,” he replied calmly and positioned himself so he would be as far from the brunet as possible, praying that his sleeping self wouldn’t break this distance between them in any way. He was still not a fan of touching and if it had ever come to that, the awkwardness would never disappear. Thankfully the bed was big enough for both of them.

“Barry?” he asked with a soft voice after a little moment of silence.

“Hm?” Barry replied escaping his thoughts. Oliver heisted for a second, which caused Barry to once again closed his eyes. However he opened them as soon as Oliver’s voice made its way into his ear.

“Thank you for trying,” Oliver whispered softly with gratitude in his voice. Barry smiled warmly because of the indescribable feeling spreading through his whole body. This was what Oliver was doing to him.

“You’re welcome, Ollie. Good night.”

“Good night,” Oliver murmured him back with a smile never disappearing even after he closed his eyes. It’d stayed there for the rest of the night.

And Barry? Barry was the same, nervousness and fear already gone without any sign it had ever been there. All that remained was calmness, happiness and feeling of safety. And when someone is falling asleep with thoughts like this, there is no way they would have nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could close the surplus distance between them, but I simply can’t. Too soon for that, but we are getting there I promise. And I can’t wait to see the day when that happens :). See you next chapter ;).


	13. It's showing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How was your morning? I'm sure it must have been quite something considering you refused to spend it here," Harry asked as he approached working Oliver in the lab. It was already late and everyone was preparing to leave the building and get themselves a well-deserved rest.
> 
> "Your point being?" Oliver growled slightly, remembering how he'd woken up. And it took a serious amount of self-denial to not once again start blushing.
> 
> "You two just seem pretty chummy," he pointed out smirking.
> 
> "Isn't that what you wanted?" Oliver shrugged, annoyed.
> 
> "But I never thought it would really happen," Harry chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel horrible, because my free week is over and I have to go back to school, which means I once again won’t have time for writing this fic. I don't deserve this cruelty... But still here is another chapter for you so enjoy :).

Sleep is a horrible thing. Of all the things on earth, sleep is the worst. And there are countless reasons why. For example it does nothing better than just slow you down when you need to keep going. Every time you're trying to do something, sleep can easily take over you and stop you from doing anything else. And it doesn't have to be something related to work, this can be said also about watching TV or reading a book.

Sleep makes you vulnerable, because you have no idea what is happening around you. It causes you to dream either horrific nightmares or very strange visions. But most importantly you have no control of your body, while you're sleeping, which means there is a good chance you won't wake up in the same position as you went to sleep. And this happens all the time and people are used to this, so it shouldn't be a problem at all.

However, when you're not alone and you want to keep the distance between you as far as possible, this might be a huge problem. Because after all you can't be in control of your body while you are sleeping. So you can all imagine how startled Oliver was when this happened to him.

At first there were no suspicions. Everything was peaceful as he slowly started to wake up. But before he opened his still asleep eyes, he tried to remain in this state for as long as possible because he felt indescribably better than ever before.

This was something completely new, because he'd always been waking up quickly at the first chance he got and now it was the last thing he wanted to do. All his mind craved for was to retain this calmness just a little longer. There were no longer any horrific images of his past nightmares bothering him and the only thing that was going through his mind was the fact how unthinkably calm and soothing feeling was spreading through his veins as he was just lying there. And his still so perfect brain couldn't find the guts to being suspicious and refused to at least for a second think about the odds of him feeling so good. Only after a while later it struck him. And with that the questions soon followed.

What had happened to him? Why was he feeling so good? Where had all the nightmares gone? He tried to remember the previous night, but sometimes searching for information in his measureless mind took longer than he would like to admit. And although he put a great effort into storing every one of them thoroughly, the right ones were now difficult to find.

And when random pictures of the previous evening started to appear, he did everything in his power to place them in right order. After that, the memory was once again whole and detailed as any other one and he finally could understand what had happened. And this was the right time for him to finally open his sleepy eyes and what he saw struck him beyond imagination.

Yes, he remembered that Barry tried to help him by not leaving him alone at night, but he also remembered with great detail the fact he wanted to stay away as far from Barry as possible. And at first he was quite successful, but now not so much.

Barry was still deeply asleep, breathing steadily, with his back now facing Oliver. However that didn't stop the blond from being dangerously too close to the younger man. And the worst part of all that was the fact Oliver's right arm slipped through his mind control and now was slightly gripped around the brunet.

Although Barry was (thankfully for Oliver) still covered by the duvet, by the look of it Oliver was sure his arm was strongly attached to the part where Barry's waist laid, not willing to let go so easily. And even though Oliver had every right to be shocked and confused, his mind refused to do so. This had happened to him many times already and the reason was quite simple – he just didn't want to be alone.

This habit had its origins buried in the back of his measureless mind, but still he was perfectly capable of getting a closer look on them. When he was a child, still with parents and with his little sister, even then the nightmares had occasionally appeared. And considering he was just a child fully afraid of dark and of being alone at sleep, he wished nothing more than just someone close to stay with him for the whole night. This wasn't an every-day-problem so both his parents and even Thea had no problem to help him. And every time he needed it, one of them stayed with him the whole night, not even thinking about leaving him. This act had never failed to help him through the dark nights full of fears.

However, it had all stopped as soon as that tragedy happened. After that he had been always alone, no matter how hard the nurses had tried, they had never provided the help which he craved for. Since then, nightmares had been bothering him every night on regular basis and he had refused to ever again ask for this kind of help.

And then Harry had entered his life and once again everything changed. With his thorough observations, there was no way he wouldn't notice Oliver's lack of sleep and obvious fear of dark. And although he could mock him, that sort of thought had never crossed his mind.

Instead of that both he and his wife did everything in his power to help Oliver to overcome it. They were even willing to spend every night with him which was needed, but beginnings were still difficult for Oliver. Considering he had spent too much nights in his life restless and alone, he was actually worried that would happen again. He hated the feeling of being alone, but at the same time, he was aware it was inevitable for him, because pulling away had already become a part of his nature.

So when for the first time Harry and his wife, Tess, had offered their help, he was skeptical whether to trust them, but the desperation was evident in all his features. And after all his logical calculations, he considered it to be worth a shot.

However, his body was still its own master during night and his fear of being alone once again took over, leading him to get strongly attached to his protectors. Holding on his arms, gripping around their waists, it didn't really matter because no one had any idea. After the only thing he wanted was the reassurance the person next to him wouldn't leave him alone for anything.

When he was younger, both Harry and Tess considered it cute and nice, but as the years were flowing by, Oliver didn't feel so much comfortable with it, so soon after that the pushing away struck and the hope of him having a really strong relationship with his guardians was once again only a naïve imagination. Both Harry and Tess felt enormously sorry for that, but there was nothing which could move with Oliver's stubbornness. Only Tess's death could.

And in the day of funeral, Oliver on his own came to Harry's bedroom with tears all over his facial features. That night was the last one Oliver let himself be so close to his foster dad, relinquishing his pain, seeking the comfort he so desperately needed. And although Harry provided everything he could, the next morning Oliver acted like nothing had happened and once again returned to his pushing-away-ways, barely returning to nice moments after that.

And now even after all these years, this could be still considered as his weakness. And all it took was for him to get somehow strongly attached to the one very person and the rest was up to his sleeping body. Even when he was with Sara, he had done it at the first chance he got, gripping her sometimes so tightly that she woke up unable to catch her breath.

Fortunately, that wasn't the case now. Oliver was really lucky Barry was still asleep and didn't realize how they were dangerously close to each other. However it still got him confused, because he had no idea he considered Barry as someone so close. But the fact he didn't hold back while they were sleeping was the proof itself and even though he should have been ashamed, immediately releasing him from the grip, he let himself remain like this at least for a little longer, smiling warmly.

Only after he registered Barry's slight move, his heartbeat accelerated and he convinced himself to let go of the brunet promptly. After that he stood up from the bed slowly to not wake the brunet up right away, making his way to bathroom and trying so hard to stop blushing.

When he looked at the mirror to see his crazily reddened cheeks he sighed with frustrations. Blushing was yet another new thing, which he couldn't comprehend no matter how hard he tried. He had never had so many problems with that, but now he felt like this constant blushing was happening every day and it was driving him crazy.

And the heat it caused to rule over his head was even worse. Thanks to that his breathing quickened and heart was still not ready to stabilize itself. So in effort to cool down himself at least a little, he cupped his hands and let the freezing water from the sink to flow in. And when his cupped hands were already so filled in that the water started to leak out, he dipped his heated head into the freezing relief and sighed deeply of the cold contact.

Maybe taking cold shower would help more, but he didn't want to risk waking up the brunet before he was completely sure his emotionally compromised state was fully terminated. Maybe this way of handling it was not so sufficient as he needed it to be, but the heat and blushing was starting to fade until it was completely gone.

Although the memory itself still ruled over his head, he let himself relax by the fact he was still fully capable of handling his inner emotions and hiding them completely so no one would notice. And thanks to that no pressure accompanied him when he passed by the still sleeping brunet in his bedroom.

* * *

 

When Barry woke up, he was alone. It took him a while to realize why he was in Oliver's bedroom instead of his own, but after he did a smile found its way onto his face.

Although nightmares had been barely worrying him, some nights had happened to be restless. That had been part of his nature since he could remember. Yet this one night was the first one which gave him a perfect sleep after a long time. He had slept like a baby with colorful dreams without any worries and now when it was all gone, he couldn't help but whine at the reality pushing him forward. If he just could once again dip into the world of dreams and enjoy every second of the time there without any problems following him. But not even a freshly wide awake mind could stop him from thinking straight, so after a few more inner fights with his own body, he managed to get up and head towards the reality.

He didn't even dare to question where Oliver had gone, because for him even crossing a dog with a cat would make a bigger sense. After all this time, he had gotten used to the fact there was no chance for him to see the blond at home in the morning. And he no longer held any hopes that would change.

Although his mood immediately dropped as soon as he realized that maybe he wasn't able to help Oliver with his nightmares and that was why the blond wasn't there anymore. Maybe he'd left at night when Barry was still sleeping. There could be countless possible scenarios, but Barry let himself only think about the possibility that he really did fail and there was no way he would gain Oliver's trust now. However all these pessimistic thoughts stopped as soon as a familiar scent found its way into his nose.

"Pancakes?" Barry murmured with still raspy voice while inhaling one of the most amazing scents on earth. The idea of him still dreaming occurred to his mind but he shrug it off immediately and followed the scent, which led him to its origins – kitchen. And reality once again found a way how to surprise him completely, because it looked like Oliver hadn't left him alone after all.

Barry was stunned when his eyes spotted the blond by the stove ruling the kitchen as easily as everything else really. _Is there even something he's not good at?_ , Barry wondered, but didn't say anything. He was so astonished he couldn't help but stare at the man before him without giving any sign he was at the same room. However, Oliver's observation skills were one of the biggest mysteries mostly because they never failed to prove their usefulness over and over again. And even now Barry's presence didn't escape Oliver's attention.

"Are you going to just stand there and watch?" Oliver asked without turning around.

"I can't complain. I thought you left a long time ago. After all it's already around 9:30. A little late for you to wake up, isn't it?" Barry replied cocking his head to one side.

"Don't blame me, this is your fault," Oliver shot back playfully.

"Does that mean it worked?" Barry asked with clear hope in his voice. Oliver smiled secretly at the fact, but pushed it away in an effort to tease the brunet.

"No, you just were constantly repeating my name this morning and I just couldn't resist and laughed at that," Oliver stated seriously. The hope was immediately gone from Barry's eyes and the only thing that stayed was the utter embarrassment, which caused his cheeks to blush on the highest possible level. The blond was now looking at him to see the result of his answer, which led Barry to cover his face awkwardly in an effort to hide his reddened cheeks. And no matter how hard Oliver try, he couldn't hold his straight face for long so after a little moment his cold expression morphed into a devilish smirk, which Barry hated so much.

"Just kidding," he chuckled slightly at the sight of the utterly confused brunet, still trying to recover and regain his natural color.

"You're horrible, you know that?"

"Am I? Weren't you the one who's been constantly trying to convince me otherwise? And don't try to deny it. I can tell."

"Of all the good things you could inherit from Doctor Wells you chose the most irritating thing? Making fun of me?" Barry whined.

"Isn't teasing you better than arguing with you?"

"I thought it was. Now I'm not so sure," Barry claimed playfully, as he came closer to the blond.

"Good to know," Oliver smirked.

"You're in good mood, aren't you?"

"Observant as always, Barry? But I admit, you're right. Thanks to you no nightmare bothered me last night. And to show my gratitude I decided to make you pancakes," Oliver smiled, fully facing the brunet.

"You know you didn't have to do that, right?" Barry said, but couldn't help a small grin fighting its way onto the surface, touched by the gesture.

"That's your way of saying thank you? And everyone keeps saying that _I am_ the one who isn't capable of expressing his gratitude. Besides, this is just another chance for me to show you how amazing I am," Oliver smirked.

"Show off," Barry scoffed.

"Fear my cooking skills," Oliver exclaimed with confidence.

"Oh, really? Because it seems to me, you're burning your masterpiece, Mr. Queen, so I think these pancakes should be afraid instead of me," Barry smirked. Oliver's skin paled immediately at the realization. He turned around to face the burning pancakes and tried so hard to save them, but frowned at the fact it was too late for that. The blond snorted deeply as he listened to Barry's giggling.

"We're going to have a serious talk about your sense of humor," he stated, annoyed.

"So I would finally teach you how to be funny?"

"If I wanted to be an ass, I would eat all the good pancakes and leave you just the burned ones," Oliver scoffed.

"But you're not gonna do it, because you want to show off with your cooking skills, which I'm still a little skeptical even exist at all," Barry shrugged.

"Just wait till you get a taste of them. Then you'll regret you doubted me, but after that it might be too late for you to apologize," Oliver teased and served a plate of pancakes, covered by maple syrup and berries, motioning for the brunet to sit down and eat. Barry obeyed without hesitation and held back a small whine at the sight before him. Oliver really put effort to make the food itself look delicious. So even if it hadn't tasted good, Barry was sure the blond would deserve points for the visual effect.

However as soon as the first piece entered his mouth, his brain shut everything around him and concentrated on the delicious explosion of tastes inside his mouth. And stopping himself from whining of the pleasure the amazing food caused never felt so hard.

"So, what do you think?" Oliver asked. Although Barry was sure he'd never tasted anything so good, he refused to give the blond that satisfaction. Instead of that he swallowed the piece of heaven and regained his wicked smirk.

"Fine, I guess, but I had better," Barry teased which caused Oliver to snort of annoyance.

"I hate you," Oliver replied taking a bite of his own food. "You don't deserve someone making you breakfast, you unthankful little shit," Oliver scoffed.

"My apologies. Would a hug make you feel better?" Barry smirked and lifted his arms towards the blond.

"Don't you dare," Oliver glared at him.

"You see, I can be thankful but you refuse me to properly show it."

"Just shut up and eat," Oliver snorted and Barry broke into a slight chuckle, truthfully touched by the sentiment. Finding Oliver making a pancakes was certainly something he wouldn't imagine happening even if he wanted to. And the fact the morning didn't stop being so good cast a wide smile across his face, which stayed there the whole day.

After they managed to finish their breakfast, Barry got a little carried away and licked the remaining bits and pieces with maple syrup covering the plate. Unfortunately for him this didn't go unnoticed by Oliver so he did give him the satisfaction in the end, although not very willingly.

And after they drank their coffee they headed towards STAR Labs without any awkward silence following them. Talking with the other one seemed so natural for them by now that most of the time, they hardly thought about their problematic start when they'd met. And this didn't go unnoticed by their labmates. Although Caitlin and Cisco didn't give very much attention to it, Felicity and Harry were a completely different case. And for them this sudden change in Oliver's behavior was not something normal. And their curiousness was growing day by day. And unlike Felicity, Harry felt the need to extinguish it.

"How was your morning? I'm sure it must have been quite something considering you refused to spend it here," Harry asked as he approached working Oliver in the lab. It was already late and everyone was preparing to leave the building and get themselves a well-deserved rest.

"Your point being?" Oliver growled slightly, remembering how he'd woken up. And it took a serious amount of self-denial to not once again start blushing.

"You two just seem pretty chummy," he pointed out smirking.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Oliver shrugged, annoyed.

"But I never thought it would really happen," Harry chuckled.

"Well looks like you were wrong, but still, you weren't the only one who was wrong," Oliver replied sincerely, breaking the eye contact.

"Wait, you, Oliver Queen, admit that you were wrong?" Harry asked confused.

"No, all I'm saying is that you were wrong. I never said anything about me," Oliver claimed playfully.

"Aww, you've finally managed to grow up, haven't you?" Harry smirked, crossing arms over his chest.

"Something you still haven't accomplished after all these years, old man," Oliver shot back.

"Sod off. I'm not old," Harry protested.

"Oh, really? Because I noticed some of your hair has gone grey," Oliver lifted his brows.

"Every grey hair I have you caused."

"Excuses, excuses. Why don't you rather tell me how people in my age weren't as rude and irresponsible when you were younger as they are now?" Oliver asked with a playful hint.

"See? This is why no one likes you. And if you keep acting this way, Barry will once again realize how much of a dick you really are. Or if nothing else he will for certain gain some grey hair and then he won't be as charming as he is now," Harry stated and winked so quickly it was barely noticeable but it didn't escape Oliver's attention, which led to him giving the man before him a death glare.

"What? Going grey is natural with you. I'm sure both Felicity and Sara have some grey hair, but on them it's less evident thanks to their blond hair," Harry explained.

"And they also have the luxury to dye their hair whenever they want to, but when it comes to men dying hair is not so common. But it's fine you're trying to move the borders forward and help the world to see that both men and women have the same rights and there is no need to create prejudices on either sides. Keep going, dying your hair is just a beginning," Oliver gave him a thumbs-up.

"Just wait till you'll have your own children and then talk to me about grey hair."

"Only if you'll live long enough to see that day, considering you don't have so much time left," Oliver smirked.

"I assure you, you have nothing to worry about. From the two of us I think you are the one who's been closer to death and well when it comes to me, I don't plan on leaving you just yet. After all annoying you is a fun afterlife won't grant me, so I must get the best of it," Harry replied. Oliver wanted to say something to fight back, but before he could his ears heard someone approaching and when the door opened, Barry walked in, stunned by the sight before him.

When Harry turned around his head to see the intruder of his conversation, he let a slight chuckle escape his mouth. _Speak of the devil._

"Barry, I'm so glad to see you again. And as a matter of fact we were just talking about you, right, Oliver?" he asked fully smirking turning once again to Oliver, who just glared at him.

"Go to hell, Harry," Oliver snorted under his breath so Barry wouldn't hear him.

"You were?" Barry asked, lifting his eyebrows, carrying on Harry's game.

"Of course, Oliver can barely shut up when it comes to you," Harry smirked.

"Oh yeah?" Barry smiled, although he was fully aware this was just another way for Harry to annoy his foster son and by the look at the blond it was working.

"Still better than you, Harry. You can't shut up about everything in your life and that's why no woman gives you a chance. You simply talk more than them," Oliver shot back, which caused Barry to smile of amusement. And every time Oliver accomplished to make the brunet smile, he let himself drown in a feeling of pride and joy of how amazingly that felt. So of course that a smile managed to fight its way to the surface and won easily, which Harry easily noticed.

"Would you teach him some manners, Barry, for me?" Harry pleaded towards the brunet.

"I can try, Doctor Wells, but I don't think I can beat the influence you've made on him. After all the most of his manners must have been inherited from you," Barry stated seriously, playing with the older man, which caused Oliver to chuckle.

"You two are certainly quite a match so I won't stand in your way. Enjoy the night," Harry winked and then he turned to Oliver.

"Be good, Ollie," he whispered so only the blond could hear, which granted him yet another death glare and after that he left the lab.

"I hate that guy," Oliver stated seriously with a sigh coming from his mouth, when they were safely alone.

"Me too," Barry snorted, but grinned soon after that. Although he loved Joe and his relationship with him, there was something about Oliver's bond with Harry that fascinated him and every time the two of them had to interact with each other had happened to be quite a show for everyone around them. Their playful bickering never failed to make him smile, so every time he had a chance to see it, he didn't hesitate. And even though their arguments had often tried to cross the borders, he didn't doubt Harry loved his foster son with everything within him. And Oliver felt the same. Somewhere deep inside, he had been secretly worrying that he would lose him too. And this Barry was sure of, because he could see it every time they'd exchanged words with each other. And seeing how Oliver cared for Wells was something that made Barry question his understandings of beauty.

"So, considering everyone is already gone, can I help you with anything?" Barry asked with a grin. Oliver turned his head to look at the brunet, surprised Barry was still willing to live up to his offer. Although Oliver had secretly wished he would, he'd refused to believe that would happen right away. It was only now, when the hope and light struck him and he willingly let it in.

"Sure, if you want," Oliver replied, trying to make sure.

"Always," Barry smiled, which Oliver gladly returned and after that they once again joined forces, moving their project forward. And it was true that even though the rest of their team was already gone, they worked together so amazingly that they managed to get more things done than during day. This fact surprised Oliver in every way, but it also made him indescribably happy, imagining that thanks to Barry they would get the whole project done a lot sooner.

And when they were finished, Oliver on his own came to Barry with a little wish.

"You seem nervous," Barry observed when he spotted the blond. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really, it just… looks like I forgot my keys," Oliver smiled weakly, which caused Barry to almost choke of the shock. However he did everything in his power to hold back the chuckle which was fighting its way to the surface. Instead of that he let the indescribable feeling of warmth and pride, which Oliver's words have caused, spread through his whole body.

"Bummer," he replied simply with a with a smile.

"You're a bad influence, Barry Allen."

"That I am, but fortunately for you I have keys," Barry smirked.

"Do you want me to beg you?" Oliver snorted sheepishly.

"No need. Unlike you I am a nice person."

"Really? I haven't noticed. You were pretty mean to my foster dad earlier," Oliver pointed out with a smirk forming on his face.

"Shut up and let's go," Barry commanded, trying so hard to hold his giggle, but failing.

"Lead the way," Oliver smiled and motioned for Barry to move. During his whole life he'd never imagined he would look forward to going home from work, but he'd never even dreamed about meeting someone like Barry at first place and it'd still happened. And he was happy beyond belief to admit that he liked how his life was turning around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, nothing really happened in this chapter but I’m still glad you read it and I hope it wasn’t as horrible and lame as I think it was. But I just needed some moment between Oliver and Harry finally… Let’s hope the next chapter will be better and that some other characters will show up and also that it won’t take me forever to update.


	14. Pulling the trigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Iris, what are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine," Barry said nonchalantly.
> 
> "And that's just it. You are more than fine. In fact I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time. So tell me, who is it?" she asked firmly.
> 
> "Who is who?" Barry replied confused.
> 
> "The person you texted with. Your crush," she pointed out smirking.
> 
> "What… we're just friends," Barry stated seriously.

On their way home Barry couldn't help but wonder about everything that'd been going on in his life recently. And it was right then when it struck him. So many things had changed, evolved into a completely different level. And thanks to that he'd had no time for his own problems, which escalated into one simple result – he was happy. After such a long time he'd finally established it and now he wasn't willing to let go of that so easily. But it still got him worried whether he'd really moved on from his past or if it was just there, waiting patiently somewhere deep inside him for the right time to strike once again.

But every time his eyes flew over to see the blond walking beside him, he remembered why the breathing was now so much easier. Back then he'd been worried whether he would once again find a reason for him to smile or laugh and that was why he'd been slowly losing hope, but now everything was different. He still had his family, Henry, Joe, Iris, and he'd found new friends who could make him smile and forget about all the worries. And if that was everything he needed to be happy, then why question it? Maybe he was just a little paranoid that life would once again find a way how to piss him off, but that was always a risk and it could happen any time. So if life was offering him to be happy, there was no reason for him to not take it.

Because of these inner arguments, he didn't think about reality. Thanks to that the two of them were silent the whole way home. And for Oliver it was horrible to bear, because now all that remained were just his thoughts occupying his mind. And unlike Barry, his own were not so pleasant. The silence was consuming him in whole, because Barry had never been like that and it troubled him. One of the things he liked about the brunet was his inability to shut up about anything really. Yes, sometimes it was annoying, but listening to Barry's voice, seeing the hope and pureness in his eyes, that all caused him to believe that getting himself lost in it in a matter of seconds could be sometimes easier than walking on flat area.

But now when the silence was the only thing for him to hear, he couldn't help but worry that he'd done something wrong. And of course his mind immediately flew over to the previous morning and how he'd woken up. _He knows,_ he said to himself, holding back a frustrated sigh and trying so hard to shrug off the heat which was grouping in his cheeks. But it was useless, the thought of him that he'd once again screwed up something didn't stop following him.

When Barry looked up to see the blond, he realized something. Oliver's tragic story was no mystery for him. Maybe he didn't know every slight detail, but he knew enough. However the same couldn't be said about Oliver. Barry had never shared his backstory with the blond, he'd only spitted out on him the day they'd had that argument, but he'd never tried to explain it further. Why? Was he afraid, that it would come right back to him if he'd tried to relive it again? Or did he just want to leave it buried for no one to hear? No. The reason was quite simpler – Oliver didn't ask.

No matter how much Barry knew about him, the blond never dared to ask him about this. And Barry couldn't comprehend why. After all it would be just fair for him to demand some answers to this topic, but Oliver still didn't show any interest or curiousness. He was totally cold towards it.

And even when they managed to get inside the apartment, Barry wondered whether Oliver would once again need him during the night. Not that he would mind if that was the case. In fact, he secretly wanted it to happen, because the feeling of safety and certainty that he wouldn't be alone was beyond incredible for him. And he liked how it felt, but still, that was yet for Oliver to decide and if he'd felt uncomfortable, there was no way Barry would push him.

So he waited for the blond to mention it, but Oliver refused to do so. Instead of that he retained the silence between them and decided to depart their ways without saying any word, which left Barry surprised. Although he did manage to spot Oliver's eyes, where he could once again see that one thing he'd been seeing there ever since they'd met – fear. It was really depressing. No matter how much Oliver was afraid, there was no way he would ask for help even with something as simple as this. But Barry didn't blame him. He understood that after everything he'd been through relying on others was the last thing Oliver wanted to do. Barry understood why the blond wished to be alone, but the truth was that he also knew that that was never a good way of handling things.

Relying on people was no crime, nothing to be ashamed of, it was natural and one of the many beauties of living. And if Oliver really needed Barry's help to see that too, then the brunet was happy to provide it.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked a little sheepishly, scratching the back of his head and refusing to develop an eye contact with the blond. Oliver didn't even look at him as he slowly nodded, showing no vivid emotion as always.

"I'm fine," he simply replied and turned around to leave the brunet be, but Barry just sighed a little annoyed by Oliver's stubbornness and stopped him by capturing his elbow by his hand and once again turning the blond to face him.

"And I'm supposed to believe that you would tell me if you weren't fine?" Barry asked, irritated, lifting his eyebrows, still holding the blond's arm, which Oliver tried to ignore the best way possible.

"But I'm fine, really," Oliver stubbornly replied, which caused Barry to sigh deeply. The fact Oliver had the need to lie to him hurt. It was causing him a pain bigger than he would ever thought possible. And he wished with all his heart to change this fact, to prove it wrong, but sometimes fighting Oliver was harder than even making the sun die.

"You don't have to lie to me, Ollie," he said soothingly.

"What do you want me to say?" Oliver asked, pulling his arm away from the brunet, confused and frustrated at the same time.

"Just the truth, because it's okay to ask for help when you clearly need it. There is nothing wrong about it, Ollie." Oliver refused to say anything to this matter, which made Barry feel even worse, but he still wasn't willing to give up on him.

"Okay, look, I'm going to ask you just one more simple question and I want your honest answer, okay? Nothing more. Then I'll leave you be. Can you do that for me?" he asked still with the soothing voice. And after a few more seconds Oliver hesitantly nodded.

"Are you worried that the nightmares will come back?" Barry asked softly and patiently awaited Oliver's answer. And although Oliver's head dropped immediately after the question was revealed, Barry still refused to say anything and rather wait for Oliver's words to find his ears.

"Yes," Oliver whispered quietly. His answer was barely audible for the brunet to hear, but somehow it still managed to find its way into Barry's ears, which was everything he needed to know for sure.

"Okay, then I'll stay with you for as long as you'll need me," he smiled warmly, but Oliver didn't return it, the fear was still evident in his eyes.

"That's not necessary. I'll handle it," he stated stubbornly, although he wished Barry would stay with him so desperately that he couldn't even believe it himself. But for him it was not that simple. He didn't want to look like he needed any help, like he wouldn't survive it without Barry. He didn't want to show him how truly weak he was. So lying about it seemed like a better option, even though it was more difficult.

"You said that my presence had helped you, that it'd kept the nightmares at bay. Why would you deny me then? I don't mind really. I want to help you, Ollie, and you can't stop me from trying," Barry claimed seriously and awaited Oliver's response, who just shrugged, defeated. There was no way Barry would back down, wasn't there? But still this fact cast a smile across Oliver's face as he was looking at the ground to not show it to the brunet. He didn't deserve him, not before and certainly not now. His opinion on this matter hadn't changed, but his stubbornness broke and he was no longer willing to fight him.

"Okay," he replied reluctantly, but secretly a relief started flowing over him. Although the possibility he would once again wake up dangerously close to the brunet was still following him everywhere he went. Yet with Barry everything seemed so much easier. The sleep was no longer a threat, a trauma. It was a relief he'd needed after a long day of work. It was what his body sought and what his mind wanted to experience. Before, he couldn't relax, not when the threat of nightmares was still real and precarious. But now he felt like he was reborn. After a long time he'd managed to stop thinking about his problems, about his past. He managed to forget about it like it'd never existed at all. And no one had ever achieved to make him feel like this. No one, but Barry Allen, who just stubbornly wouldn't let go of anything.

Barry smiled as soon as he heard Oliver's answer. He won once again and there was no better feeling than that. The feeling that he was really helping someone was beyond satisfying.

And now when this was settled they headed towards Oliver's room and after that they refused to spend another night separated, because thanks to this they felt perfectly safe and secure, nightmares were gone, there was nothing to worry about. And quite frankly neither of them wanted to leave each other. The presence of the other one had grown to be so natural and so soothing that they would miss it incredibly if it had been taken from them. So the only thing left to do was just hope that it would never come to that.

And yet another thing happened to Barry during this particular night. When his mind shut off and entered the realm of dreams a memory found its way to him. A memory so old, dim and faded that his conscious mind would never recall it thoroughly. But in the realm of dreams were different rules. The ones which couldn't be so easily violated.

Back then Barry was still just a child. Pure, innocent, happy and already getting to be more curious than was healthy. But right now it was already too late for exploring the world, it was time to sleep. However little Barry wouldn't take this as an acceptable answer at all, so when nothing else helped to make him sleep, Nora Allen had to take over the situation.

"My little explorer can't sleep? Should I be worried?" she asked with a warm smile as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't want to sleep. Sleep is overrated. I should go on an adventure like every hero does," Barry said with a squeaky voice.

"But every hero needs to sleep as well. Without it they would never win any battle or would never save the world. They need to rest and you do as well," she explained caressing Barry's cheek gently.

"But sleeping is boring," Barry frowned.

"Only if you don't make it exciting."

"What do you mean?" Barry asked, confused.

"There are many ways how to make falling asleep exciting. Creating a story for example."

"Mom, your ideas are sometimes worse than Dad's," Barry pointed out and Nora chuckled slightly at the comment.

"I will tell you a story and then we'll see if it was really that bad. Deal?"

"Deal," Barry nodded, at peace with the outcome.

"Okay, so once upon a time there was a forest so vast that you could spend years exploring him and you would still miss his most treasured parts. So dark that no sun light would accompany you there. So isolated that you would think a human hand had never been laid on it. And so dangerous that not even the bravest heart could spend a night there. Wilderness ruled everywhere, the predators hunted their prey and attacked their foes without mercy. Nothing was capable of living there in peace. Rules were cruel and if you didn't follow them, you would be mercilessly punished. But even all this evilness and cruelty couldn't stop a little light from forming there, hidden right in the heart of this forest. Inside of an abandoned hut one soul still lived, trying to survive, helping the wounded animals, spreading the light to make the darkness disappear. Her name was Gideon," Nora said, making up the story on the go.

"Wait, Gideon? Really? That's the worst name I've ever heard," Barry said and laughed.

"Just because it's not so common, doesn't mean it's bad," Nora claimed.

"But I'm not even sure this name exists," Barry laughed.

"It does in my story and if you want to know the rest of it, you should stop questioning it so much," Nora frowned playfully.

"I just don't understand why you have to come up with such silly names all the time. Gideon? Bartholomew? What's wrong with the regular names, Mom?" Barry pointed out, the joy fading out from his features.

"You don't like your name, Barry?" Nora asked softly.

"No, I guess it's okay, but my classmates don't agree. I wouldn't care about it, but it's just another reason for them to make fun of me. And I just don't understand why you gave me this name," Barry replied, his head dropping down.

"Barry, listen to me. There is no reason for you to be ashamed of your name," she smiled and carefully lifted Barry's head so his eyes would meet hers. "Because I think it's beautiful. You've always been the one who would stand out from the crowd and it wasn't because of your name. But because of who you are. You are special, you have so many gifts that it is impossible for me to count them, so don't let others pull you down. And even though your name is not so common, don't lose hope, because you have the power to change its fate. By doing great things and sharing that light you carry within you. And maybe after some time people will understand how great that name truly is, because of the one whom it belongs to. You have such a good heart, Barry, and it's better to have a good heart than have normal name." Barry smiled and hugged his mother tightly.

"Why can't everyone see it like you, Mom?" he murmured gloomily.

"Show them how amazing you are and I'm sure you'll find people who will see you like I do," she smiled and kissed gently the top of his head.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Honey?"

"Does Gideon know this too? That her name is beautiful the same way she is?" Barry asked sheepishly.

"She is trying but sometimes it's difficult to believe that. Maybe she just needs someone who would remind her of that. What do you think?" Nora asked and let go of her son, shooting a questioning gaze.

"I think I want to hear the rest of the story," Barry replied and locked his mouth, throwing away the key so it wouldn't form any word that could interrupt his Mom from telling the story. Nora smiled at him once more and continued the story, not being interrupted by her son at all. Barry listened carefully, enjoyed every nice moment and cried over the sad moments. And when the fatigue caught up to him, his eyes closed and without knowing the end of the story he fell asleep. Nora kissed him on his forehead gently to prevent him from waking up.

"Good night, my beautiful boy," she whispered softly and left the room, leaving little Barry in the realm of dreams. And after that the memory started fading and when the last trace of it vanished to the darkness and oblivion Barry woke up fully remembering it like it'd happened just recently.

* * *

 

A few days later Barry decided that it was time for him to get in touch with Joe and Iris. STAR Labs had been occupying his mind for far too long and he'd missed them greatly. So going on a lunch with them happened to be a good idea in his mind. Just like old times, when he'd still worked for the CCPD. And Iris seemed to have the same thoughts about it, considering how quickly she'd agreed to go when he'd called her earlier. But Joe had no idea. Barry had decided to left him in dark and surprise him with Iris, which immediately failed, because she'd texted him she would be late. But still he refused to let that ruin his mood, so he entered the building immediately heading towards Joe's desk and on his way there he bumped into a familiar face.

"Allen? What are you doing here?" Captain Singh asked as soon as he figured out who was standing right in front of him.

"Just waiting for a lunch with Joe, Captain," Barry replied sheepishly.

"And how have you been?" Singh asked showing a small concern.

"Good, actually. Better than I thought possible," he smiled warmly.

"I heard from Joe that you work for STAR Labs now."

"Yes, the job is really amazing, but I kind of miss you now," Barry teased, hiding the fact he barely thought about the job when he said his life had really turned out to be good for him. Was it bad that his thoughts at that question immediately flew over to the people he'd gotten to know (and especially Oliver)?

"I can for sure guarantee that no one has missed you here besides Joe," Singh replied with a smirk.

"That's okay, because of all the people here I actually care for only you and Joe," Barry smirked. Singh lifted his eyebrows at that, stunned by the fact how Barry had changed. Less than two months ago he had been deeply depressed and obnoxious to work with, but now it was once again the old Barry Allen, just like he'd been before he'd lost _her._ And something was telling him that this kind of change wouldn't be so sudden without a little help.

"Some of us still have work to do and can't mess around like you, but it was good to see you, Allen. Stay safe," Singh smiled and walked away from the brunet. And Barry was glad that he'd bumped into his former boss today. Yes, the two of them had their differences and more arguments behind than was actually healthy, but Barry still considered Singh as a good man with a big heart. And he perfectly knew that after the rage of getting fired had vanished, the gratitude took over and now Barry felt like his life would never be complete if he'd still been working for the CCPD. Maybe he was just fooling himself, but that didn't change the fact he was truthfully grateful and after a long time at peace.

When Barry headed towards Joe's desk, he was nowhere to be found. And Iris still hadn't honored him of her presence either. But he didn't question it, he sat down and decided to wait for them, wondering how the cards had suddenly turned around. Now he could finally understand how annoying it really was when people were coming late. And it was getting on his nerves. He was bored, so after a few more minutes of playing with his phone his mind flew over to Oliver and with that an idea popped up in his head. This was a perfect chance for him to use the blond's number to his advantage.

However he refused to even search for Oliver's number in his phone, because it got him thinking. He'd seen him less than an hour ago and he already felt the need to text him? Was that normal? He wasn't sure and couldn't recall a moment in his life when this happened to him with Iris. His obsession of the older man's presence was starting to be out of control, but did he really want to do anything to stop it? How could he do that with the knowledge that everything seemed so much easier when Oliver was with him? And right now, when he was there alone, waiting and unbelievably bored, it didn't seem weird for his mind to wander off to the blond. He needed some distraction, anything and this seemed like the best option. So with a frustrated smile he gave up and searched for Oliver's number in his phone, which Felicity had gladly given to him.

Yet when he started to think about what he would text him, he struggled and with that the slightly paranoid thoughts came into his mind. _What if he doesn't answer? He is surely busy and don't have time for answering such a loser as I am. Or worse what if I text him something lame and he sees it and then refuses to talk to me? That would be totally worse._ Thoughts like these came and went but at the end he decided to shrug them off. Oliver was after all his friend and there was no way he would do that, right? There was no reason for him to worry. And yet he couldn't help but question it. But he shrugged off his nervousness, typed the text message and sent it right away, so the fear wouldn't stop him.

_Barry: Hey, you miss me?_

And to his surprise an answer came only seconds later.

_Oliver: Nope._

_Barry: Liar. I know you do :D._

_Oliver: Then why are you asking?_

_Barry: So that means I'm right? ;)_

_Oliver: You really have nothing better to do than just annoy me?_

_Barry: Nope. This is my favorite thing of all time XD._

_Oliver: Then you must have a really boring life._

_Barry: You should feel flattered that I use my free time to text you._

_Oliver: Dream coming true._

_Barry: Glad it's mutual._

_Oliver: Remind me to put Felicity on my need-to-kill-list._

_Barry: Am I on that list?_

_Oliver: Of course, right above her holding the first place._

_Barry: You're horrible._

_Oliver: And you're annoying._

_Barry: But I still bet you miss me._

_Oliver: Your ability of deduction will never fail to surprise me._

Barry wanted to keep on this texting, the nervousness was already gone with no sign it had been there before and the same could be said about his boredom. And although texting with Oliver wasn't as much enjoyable as actual talking with him, it was enough for Barry. It caused him to smile. He completely forgot where he was and time unthinkably quickened. The minutes, which had been flowing slower than fluids during filtering, were now as quick as a bullet finding its victim. That all led to him not being able to let go of his phone as he was eagerly waiting for every Oliver's response. And because of that he no longer cared that he still had to wait for Iris and Joe. His annoyance faded out and only joy stayed as he carried on with the texting. But before he could write another text message a familiar voice found its way into his ears.

"I must be hallucinating, because this can't be real. Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?" Iris asked lifting her eyebrows at the sight before her. Barry didn't hear her approaching him and thanks to that he winced slightly at her unexpected arrival. But before he could say something to her, he quickly typed his last message and considering Oliver answered right away, he managed to read his as well and smile for the last time.

_Barry: Gotta go. See you later._

_Oliver: Hope not. ;)_

"Iris, what are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine," Barry said nonchalantly.

"And that's just it. You are more than fine. In fact I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time. So tell me, who is it?" she asked firmly.

"Who is who?" Barry replied confused.

"The person you texted with. Your crush," she pointed out smirking.

"What… we're just friends," Barry stated seriously.

"Friends, huh? Then you surely won't mind if I take a look," she smirked and quickly grabbed Barry's phone, pulling it away from him as far as possible so the brunet wouldn't get it back.

"Iris, what the hell?! Give it back to me!" Barry demanded, his heart now beating faster than after a long run.

"Not so fast, Barr, not before I see who is the reason you smile so much," she laughed and ran away from him, searching for Barry's texting history. She didn't want to read their messages, all she cared about was who the person on the other end was. When she spotted it, her pupils widen at the realization and she couldn't help but let a slight jealousy occupied take over her mind.

"Bartholomew Henry Allen, you've gotta be kidding me. You've been texting with Oliver Queen?" Barry's cheeks immediately reddened as soon as she said those words, fully smirking on him. But he still intended to play it cool.

"Yeah, so? If you haven't noticed, he is my roommate," he claimed seriously.

"But that doesn't mean that it's normal. You've said me multiple times how you loathed him and you managed to come up with more insults on his account than I can count. You can't blame me for being shocked that you exchange text messages with him now. And I'm sorry but I can't really recall the last time I saw you blush like this," Iris chuckled still shocked by the fact. Barry didn't say anything, instead of that he looked at the ground beneath his feet and smiled sheepishly, trying so hard to hide his blushing cheeks.

"When did this happen?" Iris asked smiling at him warmly, happy beyond belief to see her best friend so full of joy. She'd begun to lose hope that would ever happen, but right now it looked like he was a completely different man.

"I don't actually know. He just reminded me that no one can have only bad traits. It's never that simple and especially when it comes to him. I can't even count all his good traits, there is just so many of them I love. And before, I thought that I couldn't do anything to help him come out of the darkness which has been floating around him. I thought he was beyond saving. And now I can't help but laugh at how wrong I was," Barry smiled warmly with sincerity written all over his features.

Iris couldn't believe it. Barry was literally soaring free like nothing was holding him firmly on the earth surface. His pupils were now wider than ever before, glittering of the happiness within him. There was no sign of any trauma or depression in them. The sadness and fear, which they'd been carrying before, were now completely gone. And because of that Barry looked like he was invincible, like nothing could hurt him because life couldn't be more perfect for him. _And all of this was caused just by one man?_ She couldn't comprehend it. Not when Barry had claimed they were just friends. There was no way it was that simple. She knew very well that Barry found both men and women attractive, so the idea of him feeling more didn't seem so impossible after all. And when she saw how he lit up just by talking about Oliver, was there really any doubt? No, she believed that with enough time Barry would fall for him easily. And although the brunet could hardly see it, it was appearing for everyone who was observant enough. And Iris couldn't help but smile warmly at the fact her best friend was once again so happy, that he'd found his hope, his light. And after that she just hoped Oliver would feel the same way after some time, for both their sakes.

"Not that it means something, but back then when you claimed you hated him I told you to not judge him so easily. Seems like I was right," she smiled proudly.

"And I'm supposed to believe that you didn't say that just because he's incredibly attractive?" Barry asked raising one of his eyebrows.

"No, of course not! And even if that was true, would you blame me?" she asked offended, but curious as hell to hear Barry's response. And although the brunet wanted to answer he found it impossible to do so as soon as he spotted Joe and a few officers with a prisoner. And when his eyes got a closer look on him, the memories which had been hunting him mercilessly before were suddenly back in a flash, prepared to do everything to make him suffer unthinkably more.

As soon as Joe spotted Barry and Iris approaching him, his heart immediately skipped a beat and a thought that this was not going to end well merged with his mind, never wanting to let go of him.

"Take him. I'll be right back," Joe commanded and walked away from the officers to face Barry, knowing there was no reason for playing the fool. The brunet already saw him, which made it all a lot more difficult for Joe.

"Barr, please, listen to me," Joe began but he couldn't form any other words as Barry quickly interrupted him.

"What is he doing here?" Barry asked loudly enough for the prisoner to hear him, the amount of anger inside him increasing faster than Joe would like. But before he could answer handcuffed man spoke up on his own.

"Getting a tour of the CCPD, obviously. After all it's not every day that you get to see this building so thoroughly," Mardon smirked, lifting his hands to point out on the fact he was handcuffed.

"Joe, why isn't he in Iron Heights?" Barry asked, trying to remain calm.

"Oh, yes, Detective, why am I not in Iron Heights?" Mardon asked raising his eyebrows and trying so hard to fight the officers pulling him away.

"Shut up, Mardon. Barry, come on, let's get out of here," Joe tried once again soothingly.

"Barry? Why does it sound so familiar? Oh, wait, I know. It's you, isn't it?" Mardon exclaimed triumphantly. "Tell me, how is Patty?" It was all just a provocation so Mark would have some fun before being locked up again. And Barry would figure this out, he wasn't blind nor stupid, but that filth of a man had no right to say her name, not after what he'd done. And hearing that mocking hint in his voice was just too much for Barry to take. The rage was taking over him more easily than predator catching its prey. And was it really such a crime? He'd spent countless nights restless because of this man, who was right now standing there just a few feet away from him. And after what Mark Mardon had done, how could he possibly take it lightly? How could he stay calm when the man who had murdered the love of his life, could still walk freely without getting suitably punished for that? Barry assumed that Mardon had already escaped the prison multiple times. What would hold him back from an attempt to do that again? And even if he'd rotted in cell, would it really be enough? He deserved much worse.

"Don't you dare say her name again, you son-of-a-bitch! You killed her!" Barry exclaimed furiously.

"I might have pulled the trigger, but she didn't give me any other choice. She could've let me leave peacefully and she would still be alive. Guess she cared more about getting her revenge on me than about you," Mardon said. "No surprise though, she barely mentioned you while her body was taking its last breath." And in that one little moment every inch of the compassion Barry held within himself was suddenly forgotten. All that remained was the anger.

"Shut up!" he shouted and made an effort to attack the man before him, but both Iris and Joe stopped him before that could happen, holding him back as he was trying to escape their grasp and punch Mardon as many times as was needed, until his own hands would shatter to million pieces.

"Take him out of here!" Joe commanded the two officers once again who immediately listened and walked away from them, leading Mark Mardon as far as possible. But that didn't put Barry's mind at ease, the rage was still stronger, ruling over him mercilessly and trying sturdily to make him break free from their grasp.

"Barry, Barry! Stop it, Barr! He's not worth it," Joe said soothingly, full of fear, but Barry didn't listen.

"Let me go! That man killed Patty! He deserves to die!" Barry claimed furiously.

"Don't let him get into your head, Barry," Joe insisted and suddenly Barry's resilience stopped. He stopped fighting, backed down and looked at his foster dad.

"He already did that two years ago and because of him I lost the woman I loved. He killed her, Joe," Barry stated, infuriated with his knees shaking so much that Iris was afraid he might collapse. However, when she attempted to help him stabilize himself, he rebuffed the offered comfort and pulled away. It was like the history was once again repeating itself mercilessly. Barry was once again hurt, refusing to let anyone help him and all he wanted was just to drown in his own lake of sorrow. And of course both Iris and Joe wanted to prevent that from happening at any cost, but they'd tried before and it had never helped. Were their chances higher now after all this time?

"There was nothing you could do to stop it," Iris spoke up after a small moment of silence, still trying to reach out to Barry's true self, despite the fact that the brunet wasn't willing to show it.

"Of course there was. I could have talked her out of it, but instead of that I let her go and she never returned, because I didn't dare to make her stay! And because of that I spent countless nights drowning in my guilt, hating myself, hating Mardon, unable to do anything to change it. I had to listen to everyone telling me that it was okay to grieve or to be mad, when all I was hearing was the constant reminder that I was damaged and there was no way someone could fix me. So I'm sorry, but there is no way any of you can know how it hurts. You couldn't back then and you can't now so stop trying and just finally leave me alone," Barry said, enraged and walked away from them before anyone could stop him. He just needed to get out of there, to clear his mind from Mardon and Patty, but how could he do that when that memory was so fresh and vivid? It shut down everything else and the thought of him being so happy and careless like he'd been earlier today, was suddenly so foreign to him, like it had never existed at all. His humanity was no longer so easy to reach to, he felt utterly lost and he needed to find something well known to him, something which was strongly attached to his well-being whether he liked it or not. He had no idea whether that was a good idea, but right now he couldn't find himself to care, not even a little. All he wanted was to be alone. Nothing else mattered right at that moment.

It hurt to see Barry like that after he'd made such a huge progress. It was like someone had shot Joe once again on the same spot, just to make the pain even more unbearable. But he wasn't the one who took the worst of it. Barry was suffering unthinkably more and Joe wished with all his heart he could change that. But his brain knew this was beyond his abilities. He was no magician, he couldn't take back what had happened to Barry, he wasn't even his real dad and yet he felt ashamed of his cluelessness. He should be able to help him. Of all people on earth, he should be able to say the right things. He knew Barry better than the brunet knew himself. And yet he couldn't help but feel hopeless, like there was no way he would fall even deeper.

"He's right. After two years we weren't able to help him. Why would we be now?" Iris asked sadly.

"But we can't just leave him like that. He needs someone right now. We gotta talk to him and if not us then who?" Joe asked lifting one of his eyebrows. There was no way he would leave Barry alone now. Even though neither of them knew how to help, they couldn't just stand there doing nothing. That was never an option. And Iris felt the same way. She hated surrender, it had never been her style and she didn't intend to start with it now, especially when it came to Barry. So she searched through her mind to find an idea which would help her move forward with this and surprisingly it didn't take long until it hit her. There was still some ace hidden in her sleeves, because after all she still had Barry's phone.

"I think I know who could help him right now," she claimed and searched for the right number, dialing it afterwards and waiting impatiently for an answer. "Come on, pick up, please," she pleaded quietly, praying that the person on the other end would answer her. And although she tried to do her best to remain calm, she couldn't help but let the fear sink in. Barry was gone, she couldn't help him and there was no reassurance that someone else could. Nothing was carved in stone right now. Nothing was so simple. But there was still time to make things right. Because like it had been said before Iris West wasn't fond of surrender. And she believed with all her heart there was a way how to fix everything. And she remembered how Barry had acted before, so hopeful and free of worries, so happy and full of light. Something like that couldn't come on its own, someone had had to cause it, which meant it wasn't impossible to accomplish again. So she still waited patiently, unwilling to hang up, still hoping it wasn't too late. Because that was what she was good at – finding the right way, whatever the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sometimes really hate myself. Writing this was so difficult and I still think I could've done it a lot better, but I guess luck was not on my side, considering how many times I had to rewrite it. I apologize if it was horrible, but I hope you will not stop reading this very poorly written shit, which doesn't make sense in so many things XD. Because your support means a lot. Even though I don't deserve it mostly, it still means a whole world to me :). So thank you and see you next chapter (I hope ;) ).


	15. Dodging the bullet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Barry, listen to me," Oliver tried one more time, grabbing Barry's arm gently and pulling him slightly so the brunet would once again face him properly.
> 
> "No, you listen to me, Oliver. You never bothered to ask me about my past, you never cared, because why would you? My problems would never beat yours, wouldn't they?" Barry rebuffed, pulling his arm away from the grasp, infuriated.
> 
> "Barry, that's not true," Oliver stated, losing the small amount of hope within himself, preparing to give up.
> 
> "I just don't get it, Oliver. You've never showed any true emotion when it came to me. You've never showed any interest to know my past. Am I so boring for you?" Barry asked, anger escalating on the highest levels.

When Oliver heard his phone ringing he couldn't help but feel irritated that someone was once again interrupting him from work. And this annoyance even escalated, when he saw Barry's name on the screen. He'd known that the brunet having his number would destroy him, but now it all seemed even more unbearable. Texting teasing messages was one thing, but actual talking was completely different. At least for Oliver, because he knew perfectly there was no way he would stay focused after that. Why? Because that was just what Barry was doing to him. All those smiles, giggling and teasing was swallowing him in whole and yet he couldn't imagine himself living without it, without Barry in his life. It was strange. Before he'd thought there was nothing worse than the brunet staying in his life, now he was scared that Barry would leave. And that was just an inch of his current problems.

All these inner arguments in his head caused him to be skeptical whether he should pick up the phone call or not. But it was still ringing patiently, so that either meant Barry really needed something or was just persistent beyond Oliver's belief. And somehow he couldn't help but think the second option was right.

He didn't want to take it, but he could no longer see the reason why not to. He didn't want to talk with the brunet because it would distract him from work, but the truth was that the second he'd heard the first tone of his ringing phone he was already a lost cause. Barry could disrupt his concentration even without actual speaking. _Brilliant. That sneaky little bastard,_ Oliver thought but sighed as he reached out for his phone, accepting the call.

"Already so lazy to type simple words?" he asked showing his annoyance on full level and waiting for some cocky reply. And it startled him when a feminine voice found its way into his ear instead.

"Barry's gone," she said and Oliver could hear she was beyond worried. And even though she didn't say her name, Oliver remembered her voice. However that caused his confusion to increase even more.

"What's wrong, Iris?" he asked gently, keeping himself calm before the storm, but secretly he was inwardly dying. Hearing that Barry was in trouble was tearing him apart mercilessly and the countless scenarios appearing in his head of what could've happened made it even more unbearable.

"That's a long story," she answered, frustrated, which Oliver sympathized with. He didn't want to pressure her when it was already hard enough for her. But he needed some explanation about what was happening. So he took a deep breath and spoke up.

"Where are you, Iris?" he asked carefully, afraid to say anything else. He wanted to give her some comfort, but he had no idea how. And even though he tried to come up with something, his mouth was dry for words. But that held no meaning, finding Barry was his main goal and he needed Iris to know the important information.

"At the CCPD," Iris replied, trying to calm herself but it was all in vain.

"Okay, I'm on my way," Oliver stated and without letting her say something more to it, he hung up the phone and headed towards the exit of STAR Labs. Everyone else was already on lunch so he didn't meet anyone, which left him alone with his thoughts and inner arguments, wondering what the hell was going on with him these days.

* * *

 

When Oliver met Joe and Iris, he heard the whole story of what had happened, although he managed to notice neither of them wanted to share the reason why Barry was so furious when he'd seen that man. Oliver knew that Mark Mardon had killed Barry's last girlfriend, but both Iris and Joe refused to go further on that subject. And although he was curious, he respected their intentions. After all that was Barry's secret to share. This fact Oliver still remembered from his visit to Iron Heights.

But he still wasn't aware why Iris had called him of all people, because he had no idea where Barry might've gone. He could guess, but his common sense convinced him quickly that that was not a good idea at all. Barry could've returned to Oliver's apartment. That was an option, but the probability of that happening was still too small for Oliver to even consider it. So he tried to think about what he would do if this had happened to him. And he came to a conclusion that he would go somewhere where he would be isolated completely from any human being. But suitable places for that could be found anywhere around Central City and Barry had enough time to go to any of them. So yes, that left him stuck.

But after some more cursing on himself, a detailed memory strongly attached to his mind came to the surface and he remembered how Barry had once told him about a place outside of Central City, where he would go anytime he needed to be alone. Unfortunately, Barry had brought it up only for a slight moment and refused to say where it was. Why? Because Barry was just an annoying shit, who had to complicate everything. At least in Oliver's mind, but he shrugged his stressful trauma off and turned around to face Iris and Joe. There was always a possibility they knew more. After all, unlike him they'd known the brunet since his childhood.

And to Oliver's relief, both Iris or Joe were familiar with the thought of a place like this. And when Iris admitted Barry had once taken her there, Oliver's heart fluttered, beating so quickly he was afraid the two of them could hear it too. But when Iris pointed out she had no idea where it was his knees lost their strength right away. And the blond wanted to explode with all that constant nervousness held within him, but he didn't want to do that in front of Iris and Joe. They didn't deserve something like that and he also had no desire to make it even worse between him and the police detective.

Yet he was desperate for some answers so he encouraged Iris to tell him something she remembered about the place. Yes, he was fully aware that not everyone had an eidetic memory like he did, but she had to remember something which could help. So he pleaded her for trying to search through her mind. And when he saw how she was struggling, he tried to teach her some of his tactics and fortunately after Iris concentrated more, he got some useful information from her. And all that remained was just search it through a computer and the right place was revealed. After that Oliver wasn't willing to lose any more time and he headed towards the elevator, shrugging as he decided to take stairs instead. But before he could leave, Iris handed him Barry's phone, telling him that he could call her with it. And after that Oliver was ready to go. He quickly left the building and got into his car, his next destination completely clear. But that didn't put his mind at ease, because the worst part of this whole situation was still before him, getting closer with each taken step.

* * *

 

It didn't take him long until he got there, because honestly he was under pressure so much that even speed limit didn't matter anymore. But he was still lucky nothing major had happened. However as soon as he got out of his car, this small relief vanished just as quickly as it appeared. His hands were cold, dipped in sweat, his knees were shaking, barely managing to not collapse right there. And to just make it all worse he still didn't have even a slightest idea about what he would say to the brunet once his eyes had spotted him. But he carried on his search for the brunet, walking on the meadow, hearing the birds singing their ballad and the leaves on trees murmuring as the wind was accompanying them. The place was indeed beautiful and Oliver understood why Barry had chosen it of all places around Central City, but he couldn't care less about it right now. His worries were still ruling strongly over him.

However all his inner bickering with himself stopped as soon as he spotted the brunet sitting under a tree on a small hill. His heart immediately skipped a beat and his head started spinning. The fear inside him was growing quickly with each taken step towards the brunet. He still didn't believe, didn't have any faith that he could help him in any way. And he hated Iris for calling him, hated himself for the fact he didn't know how to help.

However he fought against this fear which was swallowing him slowly and made its way to the brunet, hearing his heart pumping the blood into his brain, with his whole body shaking beyond belief.

The silence was ruling over the place, which was one of the many reasons why Barry loved it here. Because sometimes only silence felt like a satisfying answer. There weren't many places around Central City where he would get a piece of this pleasant silence. So he cherished the fact he had found this one. The rage was slowly getting out of his system, leaving only the hopelessness to rule over him. However as soon as Barry realized he was no longer alone, he once again let the anger sink in.

"Go away, Oliver. Please," Barry exclaimed calmly, refusing to move.

"No, not this time," Oliver protested, not stopping himself from coming closer to the brunet. He only stopped when he was already behind him merely two feet away.

"I want to be alone," Barry insisted, but Oliver was stubborn as well and this time he could actually use that stubbornness for something good. Harry would be for sure proud of him if he'd seen him.

"No, believe me, you don't," he claimed gently, which caused Barry to stand up and turn around to face the blond. And Oliver could clearly see the rage grouping inside his friend, which caused his heart to skip a beat.

"And how would you know?" Barry asked, irritated of how Oliver was assuming he knew everything. It was getting on his nerves.

"Because I know how you feel," Oliver exclaimed sincerely, keeping the eye contact still, searching for any sign of Barry's true self.

"Of course you know, because you know everything and no one can best you. But today I met the man who killed the woman I loved. And I thought I was already past this, but look at me now. Do I seem okay to you?" Barry asked with the rage in his voice increasing faster than Oliver would like to admit.

"There is nothing wrong with you," Oliver insisted which caused Barry only to scoff furiously. Why couldn't Oliver just leave him alone? After everything the blond should be grateful at least in some level, so why couldn't he just repay it to Barry by leaving him alone? Barry didn't wish anyone near him and certainly not Oliver fucking Queen whose problems could beat his in sleep. Poor Oliver had had his life tough and Barry had no right to complain because compared to the blond, he'd still gotten lucky. _Yeah, bullshit,_ Barry cursed to himself, hating the fact Oliver was still seeing him as a wretched child who was just exaggerating.

"You know what's the funniest thing about this? Before she died she left me, because her hunger for revenge was stronger than her love for me. And I was just a burden, an obstacle, holding her back. I tried to stop her, but she still walked away from me. And I never understood why, never found out what I did wrong," Barry pointed out sadly, looking at the ground, hating everything within him. If he could just turn off his emotions everything would be easier. Or if he could just erase all those memories with her from his mind so he would never think of her again. All the good ones and bad ones would be gone and he would have nothing to mourn. But he couldn't and that was tearing him apart, causing him to feel fractured beyond repair.

"I know," Oliver murmured softly, which caused Barry to look up immediately at the blond, the rage once again returning into his system.

"No, you don't know anything! Do you really believe that with that perfect mind of yours you can understand what I've been through? She left me, Oliver, with no feeling of guilt following her. Because for her finding the man who had killed her father and getting her revenge on him was the only thing that mattered. She was supposed to be one of the few people on this world I would trust with all my heart and she still betrayed me in the cruelest way possible. So don't tell me you understand, because you don't. You can never understand this pain, which means you can't help me. So stop trying. You might've lost a few people, but at least they loved you until the very end. And instead of walking away from you, they were taken from you," Barry exclaimed, enraged.

"Is that what you think?" Oliver asked, trying so hard to hide the pain Barry's words had caused him, but his own brain was messed up and holding everything together was harder than ever before.

"It's the truth," Barry stubbornly replied, glaring at the man before him.

"So what you're saying is that I can't understand your pain, because no one has ever abandoned me? Barry, when my father died I needed to keep my mind occupied at all cost, just to avoid the grieving process, so I had a time to do some digging. And amongst many things about my family I found out he'd been cheating on my mother and he wanted to divorce. That was why he took off, why he left me, my mother and my little sister, the people who were supposed to be the closest things to his heart. He walked away from his family and he'd never intended to come back. And do you have any idea how that felt? I was only ten and I couldn't feel more ashamed that he was my father. I hated him more than anything on earth and for the first time in a long while I was glad he was dead, because he got what he deserved. My mother never knew. And that was why his death affected her so much. I wanted to tell her, but I thought I would only make things worse. I wanted her to remember him like I couldn't – the perfect husband and dad. But no matter what I did she still decided to take her life. She left me, walked away from me and my little sister, leaving us totally alone in this dark world with nowhere else to go to. So yes, I know how it hurts to know that you weren't enough for your loved ones, that you'd done something wrong without having even the slightest idea what. And I also know how it can mess with a brain. You keep thinking there was something you could have done, but you were far too late. I know perfectly how you feel, Barry," Oliver explained sincerely, looking directedly into the hazel green eyes, but he still couldn't see anything else, but the rage within the brunet, which caused his frustration to increase in great measures.

"So what? Should I feel sorry for you? Is that what you want me to do? To show my pity? You know, even though I'm supposed to be the one whose mind is messed up right now, I still admire your ability to turn the direction of every conversation towards yourself. Another one of your honorable traits which everyone else lacks of," Barry shot back coldly, breaking the eye contact, which made a hole right into Oliver's confidence, which had already been fractured before. The hope he could help Barry was slipping right through his fingers and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop it. It was slipping fast, just like time.

"Barry, listen to me," Oliver tried one more time, grabbing Barry's arm gently and pulling him slightly so the brunet would once again face him properly.

"No, you listen to me, Oliver. You never bothered to ask me about my past, you never cared, because why would you? My problems would never beat yours, wouldn't they?" Barry rebuffed, pulling his arm away from the grasp, infuriated.

"Barry, that's not true," Oliver stated, losing the small amount of hope within himself, preparing to give up.

"I just don't get it, Oliver. You've never showed any true emotion when it came to me. You've never showed any interest to know my past. Am I so boring for you?" Barry asked, anger escalating on the highest levels.

"Barry, calm down. If you just listened to what I have to say-," Oliver tried, but Barry furiously cut him off.

"To what purpose? I have been listening to your whining all this time, doing everything in my power to prevent you from thinking you were broken. Now you are trying to do the same, but you are losing, Oliver. You could've said the right words already, but you didn't. So tell me – do you really have something more you could say to me?" Barry asked lifting one of his eyebrows, challenging the blond.

"Barry, please stop," Oliver pleaded hopelessly, indulging the pain to consume him in whole. His knees felt weaker than ever before and he wished he could just collapse right there.

"Have you ever cared about someone else than yourself?" Barry asked the last question, waiting patiently for the answer. But for Oliver this was the last drop he was willing to take. And it caused his mind to drift away from the reality, right to one of his biggest sins. To the night when Sara had left. And remembered it perfectly, every slight detail of that conversation was strongly attached to his mind, not willing to let go. He remembered Sara's tears, fear, guilt, everything there was to see. But one thing that had been causing him the biggest pain was how he'd acted. He loved her, but instead of truly showing it by comforting her, he refused to forgive her. He'd convinced her to believe that he hated her. And all of that just because he wasn't able to help her. She needed him and he walked away from her and because of that he'd lost her. He was just like all those people who had abandoned him before. And that was tearing him apart, causing him so much a pain that he was barely handling it.

However when he looked up to see the brunet, he couldn't help but feel like there was still a chance for him if he was willing to take it. Yes, he hadn't been capable of helping Sara, but since then he had changed greatly, because of Barry. And if he could take back what had happened then, he would do it without any hesitation. But he couldn't, it was already too late for that. Sara was gone and there was no way Oliver would get her back, not after everything. But Barry still had time, he wasn't a lost cause. He was there right now in front of him, desperate for help. And in that moment Oliver did his best to shut off every worry or doubt and he'd decided to stay and help whatever the cost. Barry was too much precious for him and if he'd lost him, he would never forgive himself for that. It was time for him to stop running, to stop pulling away and finally stay where he belonged.

So he came closer to the brunet and hugged him quickly before Barry would realize that and pull away. But even though his arms were now wrapped around the brunet tightly, the fear inside him was still grouping of the possibility Barry would slip out. However to his surprise the brunet refused to do so. Instead of that they just stood there and Barry was totally stunned by the outcome of this conversation. But the feeling of those strong arms wrapped around him turned off everything within him. Nothing else mattered, because all that rage and anger was suddenly gone and all that remained was the feeling of safety and peace. And as he hugged the blond back just as tightly he secretly wished this hug would never come to an end.

Oliver secretly smiled when he felt Barry's arms returning the gesture. But he still wasn't finished.

"I have and I still do. And although I see it as a weakness I can't deny it, Barry. And I no longer want to. The truth is I don't know what to do with myself these days, mostly because of you. But I know that I like having you in my life, more than I ever thought possible. I know you are hurt, but know that no matter what happens I will never leave you, because you've never left me. And I'm sorry that I refused to help you ease your pain. I just thought you didn't wish to share your past and I had no desire to push you. But if you're ready, I'll listen to your every word and store it well in my mind. It's up to you," Oliver whispered softly into his ear, meaning every word with all his heart, which didn't escape Barry's attention.

"But Iris already must've told you the whole story," Barry pointed out, breaking the hug suddenly. But that didn't stop Oliver from placing his hand on Barry's shoulder in an effort to make the brunet stay.

"She didn't. But even if she did, I wouldn't care, because I want to hear your version. It's the only one that truly matters to me," Oliver protested sincerely, giving the brunet an encouraging smile and Barry found it unbelievably difficult to say no to that. Although it was hard for him to admit it that time, Oliver was the main reason why Barry was so happy. He made him smile, laugh without even trying and everytime they were apart Barry felt like something was missing. And when his thoughts immediately flew over to the blond he was promptly happier. And right now this man was trying to help him. Barry had no right to be piss off at him, because Oliver had done him no harm. Quite frankly, the opposite was true. And Barry didn't wish to make the blond go away even though the rage within him was so strong. Now it was time to fight back and to start thinking clearly once again. And if telling Oliver the whole story was the first step, he was more than willing to take it.

"Okay. Her name was Patty," he began, sighing deeply, preparing himself for the inevitable pain. "I met her on college. She wanted to become a forensic scientist just like me and that was not the only thing we had in common. So it really was no surprise that I fell for her not long after our first meeting. And I got lucky because she felt the same way so we started dating and it was… perfect," Barry whispered, barely audible for the blond to hear him, but the words managed to find their way into Oliver's ears, which caused his heart to flutter. And when he noticed how Barry was trying to fight back the tears grouping in his eyes, how his mouth was shivering, he felt like his heart completely stopped and never found a way how to beat again. He squeezed his arm slightly but enough to make the brunet know that it was okay to cry.

Barry looked up at Oliver standing before him, feeling the comfort of his hand wrapped around his arm. And although his knees were weak and so close to collapsing, one mere touch was enough to make them stand still.

"I loved her," Barry admitted with a tear drop flowing out of his eye and there was nothing which could hold the other tears anymore, so Barry gave up and let the sorrow sink in. "But life once again found a way how to screw me over. One night I wanted to propose to her. I had everything planned to the slightest detail and thanks to that I never thought something could ruin that night for me. But there was a bank robbery in town and her dad ended up dead by the hand of Mark Mardon. She got the call before I could I pop out the question and after that she was gone for good and it was too late to reach out for her. The loss of her father completely destroyed her, but instead of mourning him she let the anger grow inside her. And after that she wanted nothing more than to get her revenge on the man who had killed her father. She left the school and wanted to become a cop, but because of how emotionally unstable she was, they rejected her. And after that I thought she would stop with it, that she would begin to grieve properly, but I couldn't have been more wrong. And when I tried to talk her out of it she refused to listen. She wanted to kill Mardon the same way he'd killed her father. And when she saw there was no way I would let her do that, she walked away from me and I never saw her again. But I never stopped trying to find her. While there was still hope I persevered. Only the news of her death silenced me forever," Barry half-whispered, praying that this wasn't true, that it was just a bad nightmare hunting him mercilessly. But that was never an option. All he could do was just get it out of his system finally, even though it hurt enormously.

Oliver didn't dare to move, to say something to the brunet, because Barry needed to say it out loud. And if Oliver had intervened, the brunet might not be able to continue anymore. So he waited during every moment of silence, swallowing hard the sight before him. The tears were now streaming from Barry's eyes unable to be stopped.

"She managed to get herself a gun," Barry continued right after he took another deep breath. "And after that it was only a matter of time before she found Mardon. And when they crossed paths, he wanted to flee, nothing more, but she wouldn't let him so he killed her. The police got there and arrested him, but Patty was already beyond saving. After that I kept blaming myself and Mardon for what had happened. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, everything was foreign and nothing mattered anymore. I was lost, fractured beyond repair. Nightmares were hunting me mercilessly and I never learned how to trust someone after that. I became this mean, arrogant, reckless person. I didn't care about anything else in my life but the pain, which was swallowing me in whole. My family couldn't recognize me anymore and even though they tried to help me I pushed them away. Because I wanted to deal with the pain on my own. But the only thing I was doing was drowning in it. And after some time everyone lost their patience. When Captain Singh fired me, new problems appeared and they perfectly overshadowed the previous ones. STAR Labs and everyone in it came into picture… you came into picture," Barry said calmly, locking eyes with the blond for a little time, but after a small moment of silence it became too much, so he broke it and continued.

"Thanks to that I was able to hide my trauma and I could finally say that I was over what had happened. But now it seems to me, that I couldn't be more stupid," Barry finished, letting his head drop. And that was the time when Oliver couldn't stay quiet anymore. So he brought one of his hands towards the brunet's chin and lifted his head carefully so their eyes would meet once again. Another tear came out of Barry's eye and before Oliver could do anything to stop himself, he wiped the tear away from Barry's precious face by his thumb, letting his guard completely down. And to his surprise Barry didn't flinch or pull away, he remained still, leaning on the slight touch, unable to let it slip through his fingers. And through all of that their eyes were still mercilessly locked and now it was Oliver's turn to break it. Yet he refused to do so. He retained still.

"Barry, you might be many things but stupid was never amongst them. You just wanted to believe that you'd already moved on. And honestly who wouldn't do that? I've tried that myself multiple times, but it never worked out for me. I couldn't forget, couldn't stop thinking about it and couldn't get past that. But you're different. You've never stopped believing in me, never stopped trying to make me laugh. And you did all of that despite your inner trauma, like it was the easiest thing on earth," Oliver smiled warmly and slowly pulled his hand away, which caused Barry almost to yammer.

"Yeah and look at me now. I'm nothing more than just a damaged loser. And all there was to make me remember that was just one guy. Seems to me I'm far from being able to move on," Barry pointed out, depressed, looking at the ground.

"Barry, today didn't happen because you haven't moved on just yet. And the fact you snapped doesn't prove it either. It proved that you still remember. But honestly is that such a bad thing? Yes, you've been through worse pain than most people can say, but thinking about it or mourning it doesn't make you a sinner. It makes you human. What happened to you has become part of your personality. And together with all your traits, it makes you unique from people around you. And just like you can't stop being stubborn, just like you can't help yourself but see the best in people, you will never be able to get rid of any of those many things which makes you exceptional. People around you love you, because they've already accepted this part of yourself. And they can no longer imagine living without it. All you need to do is just embrace it too and learn how to live with it, just like they did.

"How? How am I supposed to do that when all I feel is the anger growing inside my head?" Barry asked, frustrated.

"You already did that, Barry, and you can do it again. I know you can," Oliver smiled.

"I thought that too, but then life screwed up with me once more. And I'm sick of trying to hide it," Barry claimed, sorrowful.

"What happened to you wasn't fair, but life itself has never been fair. It can play with you in the cruelest ways, but at the same time it gives you beautiful moments which overshadow that pain. And I want you to know that whatever experiences you had to go through I'm glad that you did. They shaped the person you are today. I know it must've hurt, but just because they happened we are now here and I can't be more grateful for being here with you, one of the most amazing people I've met. Stubborn and annoying as hell," Oliver chuckled slightly which caused Barry to smile. That one sincere warm smile was all Oliver needed to breathe easily once again and he missed it so much.

"But at the same time caring, thoughtful, full of empathy, with the biggest heart I've ever seen. You're willing to do anything to help people around you, not wanting anything in return, but just this once let others help you too," Oliver finished smiling warmly, but got stunned as soon as the brunet hugged him tightly once more. However it took him only a second to return the gesture and wrap his arms around Barry, never wanting to let go of him.

"Where did all those wise words of yours come from?" Barry asked whispering, lingering in the hug.

"Oh you know, one of my best friends reminded me I'm not alone on this world. It was a damn time I would do the same for him. So what do you think? Can we go now?" Oliver smiled as he pulled back, locking eyes with the brunet one last time and offering his hand for him to take.

"Yes, we can," Barry replied with one of his own smiles, taking the offered hand happily, the anger within him finally gone with no trace it had ever been there. All that remained was the joy and happiness that Oliver was there with him and said what Barry needed to hear. And something was telling him that the blond meant every word, that there was no way he would make it up. And that made Barry even more joyful.

And on their way back to Oliver's car they retained holding hands. Neither of them realized, neither of them cared. All that remained was the indescribable feeling that everything was… perfect. Maybe the sorrow which this day had brought was still within Barry, but what Oliver was doing to him was far more powerful. It was beyond belief but just a mere thought of the blond could silence everything else in his mind, like it never mattered. Only Oliver did. And Barry couldn't be more confused. It was messing with his head greatly and focusing on anything else seemed beyond difficult. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn't figure it out.

Oliver led Barry back to his car, still shaking nervously, but relieved of the outcome of the whole situation. He knew perfectly how much it hurt and the possibility of Barry reacting a lot worse had been higher than he would like to admit. Fortunately Barry was still himself and he was stronger than the anger within him. But that was no surprise for the blond. He knew that his Barry was still there. And even though he was hidden, Oliver kept searching until he found the treasure and he couldn't be happier that everything was okay. Although some things still bothered him. Barry was so full of hope and light, so pure. How anyone could hurt him like that was beyond Oliver's comprehension.

And only when they reached Oliver's car they let go of each other's hands, both wishing it would have never come to that. And as soon as they got in the car Oliver headed towards his next stop. However to Barry's surprise it wasn't to his apartment. As soon as the brunet noticed the completely different path Oliver was taking he spoke up.

"Where are we going?" he asked afraid of the answer. Was Oliver already fed up with him and wanted to get rid of him? After everything he'd said to him? He might've meant it, but only now Barry realized that maybe it was too much for Oliver to take and he didn't want to suffer with Barry anymore. These paranoid thoughts once again struck him and he couldn't help but start to shake of the nervousness and fear flowing in his veins. He wasn't sure whether he would survive if Oliver had felt this way and the fact he couldn't see into his head was tearing him apart.

"To Joe's house. I think you should be with your family right now," Oliver replied truthfully, because although he had managed to ease Barry's pain and get hold of his humanity, he could still see something hidden in those hazel green eyes. Something he couldn't figure out, but he hoped Joe and Iris could. And after all they were the brunet's family so it was only logical for Oliver to assume Barry wanted to be with them right now.

"No, please, don't," Barry pleaded.

"They are worried about you, Barry," Oliver protested, focused on the road, not believing for a second the brunet would want to stay with him.

"I want to stay with you, Ollie. Please don't leave me," Barry begged with hopelessness written all over his features, without realizing what words his mouth was forming. Oliver should've stayed focused on the road and normally it wouldn't be problem for him but with Barry everything was different. He was clueless when it came to him. Oliver could easily deduce many things just from someone's voice and he didn't even need to look at them. All it was needed was for him to pay attention to every slight detail. It was that simple. However with Barry it couldn't be more difficult. Even though he could clearly hear the fear and hopelessness from the brunet's voice some part of him kept saying that Barry was lying. That there was no way the younger man would want any other help from him, or worse that he wouldn't want to stay with him during his moments of crisis and vulnerability. Not anymore.

And no matter how hard Oliver tried he couldn't figure it out. Although it was obvious and easily visible for everyone he felt like he couldn't see anything. The blindness was swallowing him in whole and the only way how to know for sure was to look at the brunet. And so Oliver did. He pulled over to avoid any accident because he needed to give this something he hadn't used for a long time – his full attention. And what did he see in those beautiful hazel green eyes? Nothing which would make it simpler for him. There was that fear, need and loneliness which was tearing Oliver's heart inside out. He didn't want to see Barry like this and he wished he could do everything in his power to change that, to once again make him smile. But how could he? He was after all a damaged wreck too.

"You should be around people who are closest to you right now. They can help you more than I can," he spoke up sadly, because he couldn't help but hate himself for his inability to do more for the brunet. Barry had done nothing but helped him through his darkest times. And the fact Oliver couldn't return him that in the right way was killing him.

"You are right. I should be with people who are closest to me and that's why I want to stay with you. So please let me," Barry begged sincerely once again and Oliver couldn't fight him anymore after that. With a single look into those brilliant hazel green eyes he knew that Barry meant what he'd said, every inch of it. And that certainly made his heart flutter of the fact he was helping. And knowing that Barry didn't want him to leave and just preferred his company over anyone else's was like being a child again with so much joy overpowering anything else.

"Then at least let Iris know. She was worried sick about you," Oliver sighed and handed him his phone which Iris had given him.

"Thanks," Barry murmured plainly and searched for Iris's number in his phone, typing a text message afterwards. And Oliver couldn't help but scoff at the sight.

"Seriously? You wanted to assault someone, then you took off, leaving her worried sick and now you are texting her? I could do that too so call her and properly tell her you are alright," Oliver commanded, but Barry didn't take it as a bad thing. The blond was right. Iris would probably feel a lot better if Barry had said her the news on his own. So he sighed deeply and dialed the number not waiting for even three seconds as his best friend's voice full of fear and worry resonated through his ear.

"Did you find him yet?" Iris asked right away predicting Oliver was calling her from Barry's phone considering that was how they communicated before. In all that mess Oliver didn't even think for exchanging their numbers. But they'd still managed and the fact Barry had been found was all that mattered.

Barry was startled a little by the question Iris had asked but it didn't take him long until he fully returned to game. He looked up to see the blond and smiled warmly.

"He certainly did without any problems," Barry claimed still glad for everything Oliver had said but at the same time hating the fact it had ever come to that.

"It's good to hear your voice, Barry," Iris replied, the relief spreading through her veins.

"But you didn't have to worry about me. I just needed to be alone for some time to think things through," Barry explained, meaning what he'd said.

"I'm always going to worry about you, Barr, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. But tell me – did you being alone help?" Barry sighed and looked up at the blond who was driving, looking directly at the road. And although Barry wanted to believe he wasn't listening, he didn't feel naive enough today.

"No, it didn't," Barry replied calmly, playing it cool so the blond wouldn't know what they were talking about.

"Did Oliver help?" Iris asked carefully, deducing why her best friend didn't want to talk about it so openly.

"Yes," Barry replied simply, shooting the seriousness of his statement only for Iris to hear.

"So I did good by calling him?" Iris asked triumphantly, which caused Barry to chuckle slightly.

"You did great as always. Thank you and could you please tell Joe I'm okay and that I'm sorry for today?"

"You don't plan to come home?" Iris asked, the worries once again taking over her. _I am going home,_ he wanted to exclaim but he shrugged it off. There was no need to explain anything to her. She knew him dangerously too well and he was sure she understood.

"I will come by tomorrow, but right now I just need some space. I won't be alone though," Barry pointed out as though he needed an excuse keeping a distance.

"I know you won't. Not when you're with him," Iris stated warmly, which caused Barry to smile.

"Bye, Iris," he said.

"Bye, Barry," Iris returned it gladly and hung up. He checked the road Oliver was taking to make sure the blond was really taking him home and nowhere else but to his surprise he once again found himself in a completely different part of town.

"Oliver, where are going again? I already told Iris I wasn't coming," Barry spoke up, irritated because he still didn't feel like going into his sunshine mod.

"And I heard you," Oliver replied mildly.

"Really? Because I'm sure this is definitely not the right way to our apartment," Barry claimed wishing Oliver would spit it out right away and stop playing with him.

"Your observation is on point as always, Barry. We're not going home just yet, or at least the very one you know," Oliver explained making Barry even more confused.

"But where are we going then?" he asked not willing to let go of that unless Oliver would provide him some answers.

"The only thing you need to know right now is that I will stay with you as you asked me to. And besides where would be the fun in that if I told you right away?"

"You sound like Cisco," Barry pointed out on purpose getting his revenge.

"Not cool, man," Oliver growled slightly, imitating their lab mate, which caused Barry to smile. And Oliver took his time to look at that smile and cherish it deeply within him, because seeing it couldn't be more satisfying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And writing this also couldn’t be more satisfying. Although my sleep mode is pretty much damaged because of this story I regret nothing XD. And I’m already looking forward to the next chapter. I just hope I’m not the only one ;).


	16. Stay... please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'll get the lights and you lock the doors  
> We ain't leaving this room 'til we both feel more  
> Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes  
> They say love is pain. Well, darling, let's hurt tonight
> 
> \--One Republic, Let's hurt tonight--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update, but things haven’t been easy with my life or with this chapter either. But thankfully, I managed to overcome it. Enjoy reading, because some surprises are coming your way ;).... And by the way, nice summary, isn't it? XD

And Oliver’s stubbornness didn’t wear off, not even after minutes of Barry’s constant prying. And every time the brunet thought that he was going to break the older man, Oliver just found another triumphant way how to put him down and make him regret being so naïve. And saying that it was getting on Barry’s nerves would be an understatement. But even though Barry felt beyond irritated, this at least kept him from thinking about today. And he was thankful for that, because for him there was nothing worse than reliving those memories all over again. One thought, that was all it was needed for his old wounds to once again start bleeding. However, it didn’t take long until his worries came true and he lost his patience to fight the stubborn man beside him. That led to him sealing his mouth shut, leaving only silence accompanying them. And just like he’d thought – it couldn’t be more unbearable.

Now the thoughts and inner arguments once again struck him and they were not willing to let go of him so easily. However, to his surprise they had nothing to do with Patty or Mardon. It seemed like they were not the reason of his imprisonment in his own mind at all. Because the thoughts causing the downfall of his mood were merely about Oliver. Shreds of his words were coming and going, keeping him severed from the reality and causing him to feel things he would never think of before. They felt so alike, yet unusual and different, but at the same time beautiful. And one thing was for sure – he couldn’t make them stop messing with his brain, no matter how hard he tried. They were unstoppable forces in his head, ruling over him easily and making his resistance weaker in a matter of seconds. And the fact he couldn’t banish them was excruciating.

Or maybe he was just fooling himself. It was after all Oliver who had said all those words which had pushed all the anger away and restored the hope in him. An achievement like this couldn’t be easy in any book. Oliver could’ve let Barry’s problems slide without feeling any guilt. He could’ve left the brunet drown in his sorrow and been finally done with him. But Oliver didn’t do that. In fact such thoughts hadn’t even come to his mind at all. Instead of that, the blond had decided to come on his own just to help him. And now he was even willing to spend the rest of the day with Barry, like it was the most natural thing to do. So maybe it was no wonder that Oliver was a constant phenomenon in his mind. Because the blond had gotten a hold of his humanity and with the right words, he’d managed to pull it closer to the surface. And Barry couldn’t be more grateful for that. And every time he brought himself to think about what Oliver had said that day a smile appeared on his face, illuminating every inch of his body.

But then the part with hugging came into his mind and once again everything turned upside down. He couldn’t bring himself to forget about how the sensation of Oliver’s arms wrapped tightly around him caused his emotions to shuffle. And he was no longer able to put them back in order. They were deafening, shoving aside everything around him. In that very moment, nothing needed to make sense for him, because all he cared about was the feeling of safety and the knowledge that someone in the world really cared and couldn’t imagine living without him. That he was not alone in this world and that people who were willing to help him get through everything were always easy to reach. That they were all linked and there was nothing which could break that bond.

But now when the hug was over, he couldn’t feel more astray. Without that feeling of security he’d come to let the fear and worries return and make him once again feel vulnerable. And his confusion which kept telling him that something was wrong, that something was missing, didn’t help him either. It just made the torture his mind had been causing escalate into something even more unbearable. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t comprehend it. And he could no longer guess. The only thing he could do was to hope that one day it would all become clearer for him. Preferably soon.  

Regardless of how hard he tried to reason with his own mind, the thoughts which were keeping him severed from the reality carried on bothering him, enjoying every minute of his suffering. Thanks to that he couldn’t bring himself to care about the things which had been happening around him. Passing time was no longer a burden, bothering him with its dragging speed. And because of that he even failed to notice that Oliver had pulled over and stopped the car after some time. Only when the blond spoke up Barry managed to escape from his trance.

“Are you coming?” Oliver asked after Barry refused to look at him.

“Where?” Barry asked with confusion written all over his features.

“To Big Belly Burger, to eat,” Oliver replied simply.

“I’m not hungry,” Barry shrugged, avoiding the blond’s gaze.

“Yeah, tell that to your belly which has been even more talkative than you for the past minutes,” Oliver smiled, arching an eyebrow at the brunet, but Barry still wasn’t willing to let the optimism and joy regain the control of his mind. Especially when keeping the strong contact with reality was so hard for him. And that escalated into him giving the blond a death glare. He had no desire to smile right now and Oliver’s persistent attitude wasn’t doing anything else than keeping him more and more irritated. However, he had to admit, that the man next to him was right. Listening to his belly’s whining was nothing entertaining. Well, maybe it was for Oliver, but certainly not for Barry. Hearing his body making demands was making the whole situation unimaginably worse for him and the thought that he could feel even more embarrassed was now beyond ridiculous. So in an effort to not let it go down further, he got out of the car and reluctantly followed the blond inside.

However his mind was still flitting around, unable to concentrate on anything else but his thoughts. And before that could escalated into an accident Oliver sent him to find a table for them and wait until he would come back with the food. And Barry nodded, still trapped in confusion ruling over his head.

And as he was sitting and waiting at the table it didn’t get better. Even now when Oliver was out of reach his mind still wouldn’t stop prying and pushing. And it only got worse when his stubborn brain made him stare unceasingly at the blond buying the food. And for some reason he found it impossible to stop. Or better – he didn’t want to stop. Why? Because one look was all it took to make him instantly feel better. The simple sight of Oliver was incredibly soothing, silencing any worry which had been bothering him like it’d never existed at all. And such magic was what he’d never wanted to end.

He had no idea why exactly Oliver was the one who was making him feel this way. Because after all they were just friends and nothing more. But at the same time Barry couldn’t deny the fact that what he was feeling was beyond normal friendship. And yet he found it enormously difficult to figure those feelings out. Convincing himself that he was losing his mind seemed a lot easier after all. But how could he put his mind at ease, when Oliver always came and blew off every house of cards Barry had been building? And yet he was the one who felt totally blown away every time the blond walked by. His thoughts were shaking up, turning his insides upside down mercilessly. His common sense wasn’t helping in any way either. And so the thought of him ever going to be alright couldn’t be any dimmer.

Unfortunately, this escalated to even worse level when Barry noticed how the waitress, which was taking Oliver’s request, was smiling at him. Although Barry was fully aware that it was part of her job to smile at customers he wouldn’t let himself be fooled. He knew better and that smile was for sure something more than just politeness. There was something hidden there, which was a perfect proof that she liked what she saw. And Barry didn’t blame her. One single look at the blond, that was all it really took and he felt fooled right away, even though he was trying so hard to deny it.

But that was something he could handle, for now. But seeing someone else looking so longingly at Oliver was a completely different thing. He wanted to go there, to shout at her, to pull Oliver away from her, anything really, just not sit there and watch the whole scene. And seeing Oliver returning that smile was even worse in every possible way. _He’s just being polite and nothing else. You’re really losing your mind, Barry, so please stop. But why does he have to be so natural in this? When you met him, he couldn’t be further from being nice. And now? Just look at him, damn it. A completely different man,_ Barry argued with himself secretly, which was beyond ridiculous, but he couldn’t bring himself to either care or stop. It was already too late for that. _Stop that, Barry. He doesn’t care about her, she is a complete stranger to him so there is no reason for you to freak out. He is your friend after all._

Barry took a deep breath, trying so hard to put all those thoughts to the back of his head. However, in his effort to stop looking at the blond his eyes aimed at two girls around his age, which were also completely rapt by what they were seeing. And Barry was really struggling with keeping himself at bay. Watching them shooting longing looks towards his friend, giggling every two seconds and whispering words he was so glad he couldn’t hear. It would make him feel even worse, even though he was really skeptical whether it could even be worse in any way. His obsession with Oliver was getting to be out of control and he needed to put a stop to it. _What’s wrong with me?_ Nothing. He’d just happened to be so lucky that the fact every girl who had ever landed her eyes on Oliver was immediately unable to look anywhere else bothered him beyond anyone’s comprehension. And he couldn’t hate himself more in that moment. But he needed some excuse because this was nowhere close to being normal. So he blamed his hungry belly, which was why he was so glad when Oliver finally came back to him with the food in his hands. _Yes, that’s the reason and nothing else!_

As soon as Oliver handed him the food, Barry took it hungrily, taking every bite as if it was supposed to be his last, lingering in the delicious taste spreading through his mouth. That finally made him think about something else for a change. He even failed to notice that now it was Oliver who couldn’t stop staring. It was only when he reached for his coke that it struck him.

“What?” he asked shooting the man sitting before him a questioning gaze.

“Nothing. It’s just fascinating to watch you eat,” Oliver replied, cocking his head to one side.

“Look who’s talking. I’m surprised that you ordered the food also for yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you having a lunch,” Barry pointed out.

“That’s because I don’t go on lunches, like ever. Usually I just get so caught up in work that I don’t feel hungry at all. But considering I won’t return to work today, I thought that trying it for a first time wouldn’t hurt,” Oliver explained, taking a bite from his burger. And as time was passing by and they finished eating their food Oliver’s eyes once again found their way to the brunet. However he didn’t fail to notice that Barry was keeping his stare still on the place behind Oliver’s back. And even though he tried to read something from his glance, there was nothing which could help him understand what was going on in Barry’s mind.

“Barry, are you okay?” he asked promptly, arching an eyebrow at the brunet. Barry blinked at the question but quickly turned his head towards the blond, now giving him his full attention.

“Me? Of course. Why would there be anything wrong?” Barry asked shooting him a strained smile, which failed to fool the blond.

“You just keep staring in the same direction and you kind of look like you want to kill someone,” Oliver pointed out, fiddling with his fingers. Barry looked at him seriously, wondering what would be the best answer to that question. But he knew very well that even the most logic story wouldn’t be enough for the man before him. And honestly he wasn’t even sure he wanted to try to come up with a good lie. Because refusing to say the truth to Oliver was getting to be more and more difficult for him. And he had no idea how to change that. So he closed his eyes slowly for a second with a big sigh escaping his lungs and broke the silence.

“It just… Every girl you pass by can’t seem to take her eyes off you. And they shoot you smiles and winks every time they see an opportunity,” Barry explained refusing to look into the piercing blue eyes before him. Oliver listened to his every word and yet he was still not capable of understanding any of it. He’d been aware of the fact some girls were doing that around him. And he’d never tried to question it. Because after all he’d been famous since he could remember. Everyone in Central City knew him, his story, his richness, which made him a perfect target for some young girls who were brave enough to try it on him. And there had been cases when this actually happened, but they held no meaning in Oliver’s mind. However now when Barry had brought it up, that statement utterly changed. Because Barry had noticed and didn’t like it. And although Oliver had no idea why that was the case, it caused him to smile at the realization before he could stop it.

“And that bothers you?” he asked wrinkling forehead with confusion written all over his face.

“No!” Barry answered maybe too quickly considering how one of Oliver’s eyebrows lifted shooting him a questioning gaze.

“I mean I don’t know! It’s just that you seem to be okay with that. Like you still keep your polite persona on, returning those smiles, taking hints without anything holding you back. You don’t hesitate, you keep your eyes on them the whole time like it is the most natural thing for you and I just don’t get it,” Barry claimed hopelessly, rubbing his eyes by his hands. And meanwhile Oliver couldn’t help but be wonderstruck by that statement. He’d never dreamed that Barry would notice such things, that he would pay so much attention to him when he clearly didn’t deserve even a slight inch of it.

“But none of these girls hold any meaning to me, Barry,” Oliver replied firmly, refusing to break the eye contact with the brunet.

“I know, but it makes me wonder how it is possible that you are so nice and polite to them even though you can’t care less about them, but when we’ve first met you were anything but nice and polite. And the fact you kept being like that for some time is confusing me even more. It’s pathetic, I know, but seems to me that today pathetic is all I can be honestly,” Barry replied, smiling weakly.

“Back then I didn’t care, but now everything is different,” Oliver protested. _And I care more than I’ve ever thought possible._

“It still kind of bugs me though. I mean you could be a dick to them too, but you’re not, which I can’t understand,” Barry stated and for a first time looked directedly at Oliver, keeping the eye contact still. And he was right, it wasn’t fair of Oliver. And yet finding the right words to explain it couldn’t be more difficult for him.

“When I was younger I tried to behave the best way I could, because that was what my parents had taught me – to have my own opinions but at the same time keep only the politeness coming out of my mouth,” Oliver spoke up. “And as I was growing up this didn’t change, I held on to my courtesy even when I met Harry. And only when alcohol found its way to me I became someone else. I started partying and with that the recklessness struck me. I slept with women, not caring about any of them the next morning. With men, too.” And as soon as the last sentence found its way into the brunet’s ears, Barry had to fight a strong urge to not choke of surprise. Did he really hear that right? _With men too?_ This was beyond embarrassing. He’d lived with the blond for weeks and he still didn’t have the slightest idea about this? Not that Oliver knew this about him but that didn’t help him at all. Now he felt even worse. But he kept his facial features cold and remained silent so that Oliver would finish the story.

“Those were the times when I started behaving worst but mostly the alcohol made me like that. And needless to say Harry wasn’t thrilled by my way of life so he showed me his world, he showed me STAR Labs and everything he’d accomplished. And then he told me I could do even better than him,” Oliver smiled warmly at the memory illuminating his mind.

“And what happened then?” Barry asked, completely thrilled by the story.

“The morning after that I went to STAR Labs and I started working there with him. He taught me everything he knew and thanks to him I found some purpose of my life finally. Or how he would say – I’ve fallen in love with my work. But unfortunately for him I kept behaving like a dick towards people around me. And as the days were coming and going this horrible behavior escalated even into worse levels.”

“So why are you not like that when you’re talking with those girls?” Barry asked, furrowing his brows.

“Because it just seems easier for me. If I kept being mean to everyone I think that my life would be a lot worse. I meet those girls once a lifetime so I think being polite is no trouble. But it’s completely different with people who are supposed to come into my life and are so eager on staying in it. Like you, Barry Allen. Back then when we’ve met, I was so cold and mean because you were something new in my life, something unexpected and unpredictable. I had no control over anything which had something to do with you. And no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t comprehend you. And I hated that fact so that was why I was such an ass.”

“And now? Do I seem clearer to you?” Barry asked, arching an eyebrow at the blond.

“Not really, but it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re in my life I can keep trying to figure you out. And something is telling me I have plenty of time for that,” Oliver smirked which caused Barry to smile warmly and the feeling spreading through his body couldn’t be overwhelmed by anything. Because were there some words which would make him feel even more touched? Oliver Queen, the man who hadn’t even looked at him the first time they’ve met. He’d doubted him in every way possible and made Barry feel like a useless piece of trash every time he’d seen a chance. He’d been pushing the brunet away and ignored him like he was a lesser creature. And now they were here. Barry, not being able to stop staring at the blond and getting himself lost in the beautiful piercing blue eyes which decorated the handsome man before him. And Oliver, saying that he wanted to keep appearing in the brunet’s life, that he wanted to be a constant phenomenon in Barry’s life. Barry had no idea how it was possible that they’d managed to come from an absolute zero to this, but he didn’t care about that at all. Because he was happy like this, happier than he’d ever thought possible in fact, and there was nothing more important than that.

“So please don’t let yourself be bothered by those girls, because like I said I couldn’t care less. You’re important and there is nothing that would make me forget that,” Oliver stated sincerely wrapping his fingers around Barry’s wrist, rubbing it gently.

Barry couldn’t hold back a sheepish smile fighting its way onto the surface. He wanted to grab Oliver’s hand like it was the most natural thing to do and just enjoy the moment, but some shreds of his self-control still managed to not let that happen and he was grateful for that. Losing the bond he had with the blond for his stupid inner problems was something he would never forgive himself if it had come to that. So to avoid any further thoughts about it, he tried to change the subject.

“So, I assume you still want to take me on that secret place you won’t tell me about? You surely didn’t mean Big Belly Burger when you mentioned it,” Barry spoke up after a small moment of silence, cocking his head to one side.

“Nothing is good enough for you?” Oliver asked arching an eyebrow at the brunet. _You. You are more than enough,_ Barry thought hopelessly, but shook it off as soon as it appeared in his mind. This was just messing with his head and nothing more.

“Just answer me,” Barry insisted rolling his eyes.

“Yes, I didn’t mean this when I mentioned it. But considering your stomach has been singing since then the whole time I couldn’t let you starve. So a little stop before the surprise was no trouble,” Oliver replied.

“Now I’m full so we can go,” Barry smiled and stood up impatiently. That led Oliver to smile of amusement but he stood up right away and followed the brunet outside.

* * *

 

And for the rest of the ride the silence didn’t bother them. And although Oliver still refused to reveal their next destination, Barry stopped pushing after a while and patiently waited until they were there. And when he noticed the part of town that appeared before them he couldn’t help but frown of the confusion.

“Where are you going, Oliver? Nothing is there, no houses, no people, nothing. It’s practically not even a part of Central,” he exclaimed confidently, which caused Oliver only to smile.

“Are you sure that there is no house there?” Oliver asked casually which caused Barry to roll his eyes.

“Of course I am. I was born in Central and in this part there is only one h...,” Barry started but stopped himself as soon as the realization struck him. He’d never been a fan of celebrity gossip. That had always been Iris’s expertise. She knew perfectly where the celebrities were living, whom they were dating and what sort of lives they were leading. It wasn’t like he considered it a bad thing, but for him these types of information weren’t anything important nor interesting. Which was why he’d never heard a word about Oliver Queen while she on the other end knew too much. She’d probably known his backstory all along and Barry had no idea. Probably almost everyone in Central knew the name Oliver Queen and only Barry was an ignorant creep.

But only when he actually met the man himself, Barry dared to cross his paths with gossip columns and internet. And he’d managed to find out shreds of information. The Queens had been moved out from Starling City and decided to live in Central instead. This, he knew, but he’d refused to keep digging deeper. It would be easy for him just to look the blond up, but he’d wanted to create his own opinion on him. And although its first version wasn’t so great, he’d managed to get behind those walls built around the older man.

However only now Barry could see that there was still so much yet to be uncovered when it came to Oliver. And although it was sometimes difficult not to get lost in it completely, Barry was more than willing to patiently wait for the right time to uncover everything Oliver would allow. And it seemed like luck was on his side when his eyes spotted the huge building before them. The very one Queen’s mansion.

“Is that-,” Barry wanted to ask but found it difficult to finish his sentence.

“Home sweet home,” Oliver replied curling his lips nervously. Maybe this idea wasn’t as good as he’d previously thought. But there was no coming back from this. And there was really nothing he should be afraid of. He trusted Barry with all his heart.

And Barry couldn’t be more wonderstruck from the sight before him. Yes, he’d been aware that this mansion was built when the Queens moved into Central, but seeing it for real was a completely different thing. Laying his eyes on a house could never feel more breathtaking. It didn’t even equaled into a house, it was a castle, a fortress, and believing that Oliver had really lived here didn’t stop getting to be more and more difficult. All the greatness and beauty, which were radiating from it, left him completely dumbfounded. And thanks to that his body didn’t let him to break off from the trance and he even failed to notice Oliver had pulled over and stopped the car once again. As soon as he heard the blond getting out of the car, he blinked and quickly followed, ready to strike his questions, now finally in full command of his common sense.

“Okay, first of all, what are we doing here?” he asked refusing to go closer to the mansion. And Oliver registered the lack of sound of Barry’s footsteps so he stopped as well and turned around to face him.

“Just a quick visit,” Oliver replied simply like it was the easiest thing to do, but Barry wouldn’t let himself be fooled right away.

“To what? Your past? Oliver, this is your home from childhood. Do you really think it’s a good idea to just walk in there? It may trigger something,” Barry protested, worries grouping in his mind.

“Like what?” Oliver stubbornly asked.

“Don’t play dumb. You know perfectly well what can happen,” Barry snorted crossing arms over his chest.

“But nothing like that will happen, I promise.”

“What makes you so sure? Do you really consider yourself so emotionally stable that being here is not going to have any impact on you?” Barry asked in the meanest way possible which he regretted right after the words came out of his mouth. But he couldn’t hide the reason why this made him so furious. All of this just led to one memory strongly attached to his mind – the night when Oliver had almost died. How could he ever forget that night? After all he was the one who had saved him from a possible death. So how could the fear, worries and pressure which had been going through his mind back then could ever leave him alone now? He hadn’t realized it before but Oliver could’ve really died and in that case he would’ve never been capable of forgiving himself, that he couldn’t save him. So many things would have never happened. They would’ve never become friends and he would’ve not come to care so deeply for him. The thought of such a life was terrifying him beyond imagination and that was why he wasn’t exactly okay with the idea to enter the mansion. If it had really triggered something, he wasn’t sure he would survive it. And maybe this time he wouldn’t even be able to save the blond. And there was no worse thing for him than that. He could no longer deny that Oliver held a special place in his heart, the very one which would destroy him beyond repair if it had happened to be broken. And living without Oliver? What kind of life would that even be? Certainly not the one he wanted to lead.

“I’m sorry, that was mean. I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t have the right to say something like that,” he apologized sincerely regardless what his thoughts were telling him.

“No, I deserved it and I understand your concern, but I can handle this. I’ve been here before,” Oliver claimed sincerely.

“Really? Why?” Barry asked, glaring at him, horrified.

“You’ll see why,” Oliver simply replied, refusing to make an eye contact with the brunet. For some reason he could bear the sight of Harry or Felicity’s expressions filled with worries, but with Barry he could not, no matter how hard he tried. That pained, scared look would never leave him cold, just like Barry would never let his heart calmly beat.

“But why are we here now, Ollie?”

“I just wanted to show you something,” Oliver smirked and headed towards the huge entrance and Barry reluctantly followed him, rolling his eyes. However, when his eyes spotted Oliver ringing a bell of the house he couldn’t be more surprised.

“Are you kidding me? I thought you own this place,” Barry pointed out.

“I do.”

“Don’t you have, I don’t know, keys maybe?”

“Yes, but it’s politer to knock,” Oliver managed to answer casually and before Barry could ask yet another thing the door surprisingly opened and revealed a well-built, dark-skinned man with almost no hair decorating his head. And although under normal circumstances Barry would feel unbelievably nervous around people who could put him down without any problems, the pressure disappeared as soon as the man before him looked at Oliver and smiled in the sincerest way possible.

“So, you finally managed to get your lazy ass moving? I bet Lyla that you forgot about us,” the man spoke up giving the blond a bro hug which Oliver gladly accepted, returning that warm smile without any difficulties. But how was it possible? Barry had had no idea that Oliver even knew what a bro hug was. But it looked like there were many things he still didn’t know. For example the fact some man was living in Oliver’s old house.

“That’s ridiculous. I just had a lot of work,” Oliver smiled sheepishly.

“Still the same excuses, Oliver? Seems to me you’re getting to be out of practice,” the man smirked. “But it’s still good to see you, man. Care to tell me who is your friend?” Now the man’s gaze was directed at Barry which caused his knees to shake a little. He felt a little like an intruder, like he was damaging whatever the men next to him were having and although he wanted to leave, Oliver wouldn’t let him. The blond shifted to his side, their arms brushed and Barry tried so hard to not dwell on it.

“This is Barry Allen. We work together,” Oliver said smiling widely which didn’t go unnoticed. “And this is John Diggle.”

“Nice to meet you, Barry, you can call me Dig. I never thought I would see the day Oliver Queen would actually introduce me to one of his friends,” Diggle smiled, offering his hand for the brunet to shake which Barry gladly accepted.

“I’m sure he would’ve done it a long time ago if he had some friends,” Barry smirked wickedly at the blond who just frowned at him.

“Damn, Oliver, this one’s  a keeper,” Diggle laughed and led them inside of the huge mansion, revealing all its treasures and luxuries decorating its core. Although Oliver didn’t followed the laughing, Barry’s comment made him smile. But he tried to deny this fact which escalated to him shooting the brunet a small death glare and yet Barry couldn’t care less. After all, his mind had been flitting for a while now, keeping him from thinking straight.

“I knew I heard a familiar voice,” a feminine voice came into Barry’s ears and when he looked up he spotted the source of it. A woman with a short hair, holding a baby in her hands. And when he noticed how Oliver’s face lit up immediately as the woman with the baby girl appeared, he couldn’t help but let the confusion and shocked expression sink in. He’d never thought he would see Oliver smile like that, with sincere happiness strongly attached to every inch of his body. But he liked the sight of it.

“It’s so good to see you, Lyla. And I’m even more thrilled to see you, honey,” Oliver smiled warmly and came closer to the other side of the room to take a closer look.

“She’s missed you too, isn’t that right, Sara?” Lyla smiled and handed him the little toddler, who was shooting a curious gaze in Oliver’s direction. And as soon as she got into Oliver’s strong arms she reached out her little hand and pulled the man by his blond hair. That sight caused Barry immediately to smile warmly.

“She’s got so strong since I last saw her,” Oliver chuckled warmly. “Oh, please, Sara, stop growing up. I feel so old around you. And after your dad teaches you how to fight properly you will beat me in no time.”

Seeing Oliver like this was incredible. Observing him shooting adoring faces and grimaces like it was the most natural thing for him to do. Hearing his voice reaching higher and higher levels of softness. And noticing how it made Sara smile and laugh was even more moving. Because of that Barry’s heart couldn’t stay cold with such a sight before him. But the true value of that couldn’t be described by words. Barry would’ve never imagined seeing the blond like this. And thanks to that it became even more precious. Because Oliver didn’t pretend anything, there wasn’t even the slightest hint of fakeness hidden in his features. This was him, his true self, the one which had gotten so used to hiding in darkness that it’d never wanted come out anymore. But now there was nothing else to see for the brunet, but the light, dripping from Oliver’s features, making it impossible for Barry to concentrate on anything else. He knew he was staring, but how could he stop, when nothing else held any meaning for him at that moment? He let himself get lost once again in the moment, lingering in the sight of Oliver igniting the room.

“Has she started talking already?” Oliver asked Lyla.

“Not yet, but we’ll get there,” Lyla smiled at her little girl proudly.

“So I have still time to teach her how to use bad language?” Oliver asked playfully.

“Don’t you dare,” Lyla glared at him, which caused little Sara to giggle innocently.

“I bet she would love it,” Oliver carried on, smirking without any savoir faire holding him back.

“Oh, yeah? Then wait till you’ll have your own child and then talk about teaching the bad language,” Lyla replied, nudging him unapprovingly, which cast yet another smile on Barry’s face as he was observing them from distance. And although he was still getting even more and more wonderstruck, his smile faded away as soon as Diggle approached him.

“For how long have you known Oliver?” Diggle spoke up, breaking him out of his trance.

“Not for long. Only for two months more or less,” Barry replied casually as it was the simplest thing on earth, but for Dig that statement couldn’t be further from the truth.

“And you managed to become so close to him in such a short time? Man, I bet taking things slow isn’t your expertise,” Diggle smiled.

“The beginning was rough but after some time we managed to overcome it. And now I couldn’t ask for a better friend,” Barry admitted with all sincerity inside him.

“Damn right. You could search the whole Earth and you would never bump into another person as good as he is. I know that he wants everyone to see him as a tough guy but I don’t think I’ve actually met someone with such a big heart. And once someone breaks through the walls he’s built around himself, nothing can be more satisfying than the feeling in that moment,” Diggle claimed and Barry couldn’t agree more. Oliver was special in so many ways that Barry had lost a count of them a long time ago, but he was still capable of cherishing every one of them. And together all these traits could conquer the world... and his heart as well.

“And how did you meet him?” Barry asked, pushing these thoughts behind.

“That’s quite a story. But let’s just say that guy like him couldn’t have an easy life. And you would think that people understood this and left him alone, but no, you would be stupid for thinking this way. And just to make it worse his sexuality didn’t help him either,” Diggle frowned, crossing arms over his chest.

“People were mean to him because he was attracted to both genders?” Barry repeated, shocked by the fact.

“On high school, times were hardest. People laughed at him, mocked him, bullied him and he was unable to protect himself. I know that it might seem strange, but back then he wasn’t so scary at first sight. He wasn’t born with such muscles and with all that trauma in his life, he looked vulnerable. And instead of doing something about it, he let himself drown in one thing he believed could help him – drinking. He also started partying like crazy. And everyone would know this if Harrison Wells didn’t pay the journalist to stop even considering writing it,” Diggle said, rubbing his eyes. “Of course people noticed regardless, which even encouraged them to change his life into even bigger hell.”

“And they succeeded, didn’t they?” Barry asked, terrified, although he was perfectly sure what the answer was.

“With a brilliant brain like his, but still unable to stop those people, would you blame him?” Diggle asked leaving the volume of his voice on minimum so neither Oliver nor Lyla would hear them. “And that was the time when I came into picture. Oliver’s behavior didn’t slip through Wells’s attention and considering he wanted to protect his son no matter what, he hired me as Oliver’s bodyguard.”

“I can imagine that wasn’t easy,” Barry pointed out, curling his lips.

“Being a bodyguard? Nothing special. But actually doing my job right with Oliver? Impossible. Every time we went outside he didn’t fail to find a way how to run away. And the partying and drinking didn’t stop either. The only difference was that in that moment Wells actually started blaming me for it. Normally I would let it slip by, but one night Oliver wasn’t coming back home and I’m sure you can imagine what that did to Wells. God, he was so furious that I almost got fired that night. He even threatened me that he would make sure no one would hire me again.” Imagining Wells so mad proved to be difficult for Barry. Because even though that man was nothing else than just a pain in the ass, his heart still seemed to be at the right place. However, even after hearing this from Dig, Barry didn’t start doubting this statement. He just assumed that Wells would do anything in his power to protect the one’s he cared about. And Barry didn’t dare to do anything else than just admire that.

“But fortunately, Oliver did manage to get home at the right time,” Diggle continued the story. “And then he made an offer to me. He wanted me to live here and to take care of this place. He wanted me to raise my family here. And in exchange he wished only that I would officially claim he didn’t need a bodyguard anymore.”

“Did you accept it?” Barry asked curiously.

“On one condition – that he would allow me to teach him how to protect himself. And he was smart enough to call it a deal. After that we had to play it cool for some time so Wells would think Oliver was really getting better. He stopped running away, partying and drinking and started practicing with me. After that he became a completely different man. And when he fully inherited this manor our deal was sealed. I quit the job and told Wells that Oliver didn’t need me anymore. And I actually believed it for some time, but after I left Oliver returned to his old ways, drowning in his problems. But only then he was actually able to take care of himself. He mastered the grumpy persona and finished the already high walls around him,” Dig said, rubbing his temples sadly. Barry looked at the blond on the other end of the large room and couldn’t hold back a smile fighting its way on the surface. Maybe Oliver had suffered too much and he might’ve gotten a little astray a few times, but after everything he was still capable of smiling, laughing and enjoying his life. And that was the real magic.

“And yet here we are,” Barry murmured softly more to himself, but audibly enough for Dig to hear. However, he didn’t say anything in return because Oliver and Lyla stopped talking and headed towards them.

“Barry, this is my wife, Lyla,” Diggle introduced them, smiling proudly. “And this treasure is our daughter Sara.” As soon as that was said, Oliver, who was still holding the little girl tightly in his arms, came closer to the brunet to show him the little human properly.

“Say hi to Barry, Sara,“ Oliver encouraged her gently, but Sara just looked at the brunet for a slight moment and then right away turned back to look at Oliver.

“Looks like you’re not worthy, Barry. She only likes me,” Oliver smirked playfully. However joking mood vanished as soon as Sara once again reached out to pull him by his longer than usual hair. Thanks to that Barry couldn’t hold back a mocking chuckle.

“Is that so, Ollie? Because it seems to me the only thing she likes about you is your hair,” Barry smirked wickedly and Oliver just snorted.

“I’ll get my revenge on you, Sara, I promise, and then you’ll know how a dagger stabbed in your back feels like,” Oliver scoffed and returned the toddler into Lyla’s arms. After that his attention once again aimed at the brunet and he didn’t fail to notice that his mind was probably flitting around again. And after what had happened today, he had a proper reason to be worried. So he placed his hand on the brunet’s shoulder gently to not startle him and pulled him a little aside.

“Are you okay?” he whispered softly into Barry’s ear, who immediately returned into reality.

“Yes, everything is fine,” Barry replied sincerely.

“Because if you feel like we should go, then we can,” Oliver quickly added to make sure Barry wouldn’t feel pushed into anything. But in fact the brunet had never felt that way. Yet it still caused him to smile that Oliver was so worried about him. However, before he could answer Dig and Lyla brought their attention from Sara to them again.

“You aren’t leaving already, are you?” Lyla asked. “You’ve just come.”

“Stay with Barry for a dinner. After such a long time of not honoring us of your presence I think you owe us this much,” Diggle claimed, cocking his head to one side. Oliver immediately looked at Barry who gave him an approving nod with a warm smile and that was everything Oliver needed to make sure Barry was exactly where he wanted to be.

“Gladly,” Oliver stated simply, which caused both Lyla and Dig to smile, because that dinner was the least they could do after everything Oliver had done for them. He’d changed their lives for better and they couldn’t be more grateful.

* * *

 

The rest of the day was flying by quickly. And the whole time Barry hadn’t left Oliver’s side. The blond showed him the better part of the whole mansion and although sometimes it looked like it would trigger something in Ollie, the blond always managed to pull this threat away, lingering the warm smiles decorating his face. And that certainly did the magic to ease the weight on Barry’s heart.

And they used all their time to be with baby Sara. Which only proved that Oliver’s heart was much bigger than the blond would like to admit. He had absolutely no problem with her. With her by his side there wasn’t anything hunting him. He could relax and take a deep breath for a change. And when it came to Barry, playing with Sara was something he didn’t wish to end. And during that time Sara managed to cast a few smiles in Barry’s direction, which caused him to triumphantly smirk at the blond.

And when the time of dinner came, Sara wasn’t the only one who was interested in getting to know the brunet better. Both Lyla and Dig asked him many questions which Barry was more than willing to answer. They intended to find out about him as much as possible. To know everything about the man who had climbed the walls around the blond.

“You can’t be serious! He really did say all those horrible things to you when you two have met?” Lyla asked with a shocked expression on her face, crossing her arms over her chest and shooting a little judging gaze in Oliver’s way.

“He totally did without any feeling of guilt. And I’m sure that he will remember it with a perfect detail for the rest of his life. Isn’t that right, Ollie?” Barry smirked mockingly at the blond, sipping his wine. Both Lyla and Dig followed and turned their heads directedly at Oliver who simply couldn’t hide his embarrassment.

“It still could’ve been worse. I think that Cisco has suffered much more than you did,” Oliver replied playing it cool but no one was fooled. Those blushing cheeks decorating his features were giving him away no matter how hard he tried to stop them. And although such sight caused both Dig and Lyla to laugh, Barry couldn’t help but find it cute. And for the rest of the dinner, his gaze had always flown over to find the blond at the end. And although he carried on hoping that no one would notice, something was telling him he wasn’t very subtle. He hated himself for that, for his inability to control his features, but no matter how hard he tried, there was no power switch which would make him return to his normal state. No, the only thing he could do was to hope those thoughts would pass and some shreds of his straight sense would once again find a way to him.

* * *

 

And when the food disappeared from the table and settled in their bellies, it was time for Barry and Oliver to leave the mansion and to return home. But before that could happen, John managed to pull Oliver aside from others.

“Was it so horrible for you to stay here with us?” he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

“I admit that breathing the air filled with carbon monoxide would be more difficult,” Oliver teased.

“You ass,” Diggle snorted and punched the man’s arm slightly, which caused Oliver to smile. “Your life can’t be just about work, Oliver.”

“It’s not,” Oliver answered promptly. “Things have changed.”

“And I assume that’s his doing,” John replied, turning his head towards Barry, who was talking with Lyla on the other end of the room, saying his goodbyes to her and Sara. Oliver followed his gaze and couldn’t help but let a smile come to the surface.

“I’m glad you two have found each other,” Diggle said, which caused Oliver to frown of the confusion filling his brain.

“We’re just friends, John,” he protested as soon as the realization struck him, but Dig didn’t let himself be fooled so easily.

“Are you sure about that? I saw the way you looked at him every time you thought he couldn’t see you,” Diggle shot back, cocking his head to one side.

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Oliver fought stubbornly. “And besides he sees me only as a friend and nothing more.” Oliver did his best to remain cold while saying that, so he wouldn’t show that he cared about such things. He didn’t and there was nothing that would change it. They were just friends and nothing more.

“His intentions seem pretty clear to me,” Diggle claimed, smirking slightly. Oliver turned his head to once again look at the brunet and let a deep sigh come out of his mouth. However he refused to dwell on it further.

“It was good to see you again, John,” he spoke up after a little moment of silence and Dig just nodded in surrender.

“You too, man,” he replied giving him a bro hug as a goodbye, which Oliver gladly accepted. “And remember, don’t be a stranger this time.”

“No promises,” Oliver smirked playfully and after that they both headed towards Barry and Lyla, ready to depart ways. But even when they’d already said their goodbyes and were on their way home, Oliver couldn’t help but wonder about what John had said. His words kept on hunting him, unwilling to fade away from his mind. But fortunately for him, Barry also didn’t seem to be okay with the silence.

“So you haven’t exactly brought someone there with you before? Not even Felicity?” Barry asked with a little slurred voice as the alcohol was collecting its fee. Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed on taking a sip when Lyla had offered, but saying no to possibly the most expensive wine in Central hadn’t proved to be easy at all. But taking another sip and yet another was for sure something he could abstain from. However, in spite of everything he was still perfectly capable of being aware of his surroundings. And his brain was still under his command, not willing to do anything which would strain that.

“No, I haven’t even told anyone that I let someone live there. You’re the only one who knows,” Oliver replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Why?” Barry asked, confused but at the same touched, that no one else knew but him.

“Because Harry would want me to sell it with the same reason you didn’t want me to enter it at first place. Sometimes he just worries so much that it drives me crazy,” Oliver sighed and the memories of his fights with Harry started flowing back to his brain. And it just remined him that even after all these years Harry still believed that Oliver couldn’t take care of himself, that he couldn’t handle anything. Because he still felt the need to keep an eye on the blond. And no matter how hard Oliver tried, there was no way he would make Harry stop being so overprotective. That kept irritating him, because he was no longer that boy, who was afraid to fight back, to use his abilities to his advantage. Now, he’d learned how to do that so he no longer needed to be kept in bay. He just wished Harry would see that too.

“And Felicity? I seriously don’t know. I’m sure she would’ve loved meeting Dig and Lyla with little Sara, but she knows me too well. And sometimes I just need to be alone, even from her. Of course, at the beginning I thought that me coming there would do me more harm than good, but it seems to me, that seeing that mansion full of life and happiness again is worth that pain. I know that she is my friend, but I can’t help but be afraid that she would ruin that magic,” Oliver half-whispered softly after a little moment of silence.

“Then why did you take me there? My chances of ruining that place for you are as high as Felicity’s,” Barry pointed out casually secretly praying that that wasn’t the case.

“There are times when I don’t want to be even with the closest people to my heart, but with you, I’m not sure I’ve encountered a moment like that,” Oliver smiled warmly and Barry couldn’t hold back, but let a soothing blush settle on his face. It wasn’t one of those awkward ones someone showed when they were embarrassed. Oh no, this one came straight from Barry’s heart, illuminating everything on its way to the surface. It was still hard to comprehend completely. This day had started like every other one, but that had changed as soon as the meeting with Mardon had triggered the hidden hurt. After that Barry had thought that there was nothing which would make him feel better. And then Oliver came, turning everything upside down like it was the easiest thing on earth. And he didn’t stop trying to restore that light in Barry. That held the greatest meaning.

“But I still can’t believe that you can afford letting them live there,” Barry wondered after a little moment of silence so his mind would return to reality once again.

“I’m probably richer, than I deserve,” Oliver replied with a smile ruling over him.

“And you’ll be even more if tomorrow goes well,” Barry pointed out, lifting his eyebrows. “It’s finally time, isn’t?”

“If we manage to get everything done, then yes, the AI will come online. Which means she will need a name,” Oliver remarked.

“I doubt that is going to be a problem,” Barry replied, cocking his head to one side. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

“In STAR Labs we have some sort of tradition that the person who did most work can name the invention. But I want you to have the honor,” Oliver finished sincerely, glancing slightly at the brunet.

“Me? But I didn’t do as much as you or anyone else did,” Barry protested.

“You did more than you think. Without your help, she wouldn’t be so close to being finished and besides, I believe you will come up with a better name than I can,” Oliver smirked reassuringly at the brunet.

“Are you sure?” Barry asked nervously, just to make sure.

“Absolutely. Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Oliver smiled and that was all Barry needed to stop being doubtful.

“But promise me, you are not gonna laugh, okay?” he commanded seriously.

“Just try me,” Oliver teased, which caused Barry only to take a deep breath before saying the right name.

“Gideon. I want to name her Gideon,” he spoke up after a little moment of silence, waiting impatiently for Oliver’s answer. And although he wanted the blond to agree, some part of him kept believing that Oliver was going to laugh at him for coming up with a name like this. But to his surprise the blond refused to let even the slightest hint, which would make Barry feel worse, come out to the surface. Instead of that he nodded slowly and smiled.

“Gideon it is.” And after that Barry let the worries and fears fade away, putting his mind at ease. And although the silence once again caused his thoughts to shake, he didn’t mind anymore. There was no reason to question his flitting emotions, when the only thing he could do was to enjoy how happy he felt. And ruining that would be a crime he would never want to commit.

* * *

 

And when their eyes spotted the apartment and their feet managed to get inside, he still didn’t wish this day to end. But it was already too late and his tired eyes started fighting his wishes mercilessly. It was time to enter the realm of dreams, but before that could happen, he needed to say a few things to the blond.

“What you did today, all of it, helped me in great measures. Thank you, Ollie, for everything,” Barry smiled widely, letting the warmth sink in.

“I just returned the favor,” Oliver replied returning that smile. And before he could walk away from the brunet, Barry stopped him by gripping his wrist slightly. And although the sudden touch shocked Oliver, he didn’t jerk away. Instead, he turned his gaze once again towards the brunet, locking his eyes with him.

“Would it really hurt if you hugged me one more time?” Barry asked sheepishly, scared of the outcome of this situation, but Oliver just smiled and wrapped his strong arms around him, silencing every doubt hidden in brunet’s mind. And Barry once again let himself linger in the embrace, drowning in the feeling of safety, peace and the fact he truly held a huge meaning to someone. And those feelings were like a drug for him. Once he got a taste of them, there was no way he would want to live without them. That led to him being determined to use every chance he got to regain those feelings, praying that Oliver wouldn’t have any problem with that. And even though he knew deeply in his heart that this couldn’t hold on for as long as he would actually like, he cherished every second of it.

When they decided to pull away they managed to make a very big mistake – they locked their eyes once again, which prevented them from letting go of each other completely. Their hands still stayed tightly gripping the other one for as long as they were willing. However, finding a way how to come back to reality proved to be impossible for them. Barry let himself get lost in that piercing blue eyes once again and now there was no way he would reach out for the way back to reality. Everything around him became dim, every other thought got silenced and the only thing he could think of was that something was missing. And he’d known this the whole time but only now he actually let the true realization sink in. That maybe this was not enough, that Oliver wasn’t just his friend, that he was something much more. Feelings were flitting all over his head, making him even more confused. But together they made a perfect sense. He knew he wanted it, craved for it even, and there was no point in denying it. He was far too lost for that.

So after a few seconds he pressed his lips on Oliver’s, giving up everything. And to his surprise the blond didn’t jerk away, the heat in his body was rising fast as he sensed Oliver’s mouth opening, giving him a much longed-for access. He let go of the fabric and brought his hands to the back of Oliver’s neck tangling his fingers with the blond’s hair as his tongue entered Oliver’s mouth, exploring it thoroughly. His heart fluttered as the blond brought his hands to Barry’s hips pulling him closer to his heated chest. A pleasing spark ran through Barry’s veins as a moan escaped Oliver’s mouth. He gave in the sensation of the blond’s hands gripping his hips, moaning as their tongues brushed. Oliver bit his lower lip teasingly, hungrily asking for an access, which Barry willingly granted. A moan escaped his mouth as his body was pressed against a wall by Oliver’s strong arms. His fingers pulling the blond’s hair, yearning for more, but before it could escalated even higher Oliver broke the kiss, pressing their foreheads together, which caused Barry to let a small whine escape his mouth, shooting confused glance at the man before him.

Oliver refused to look into those hazel green eyes before him, because he couldn’t feel guiltier. Yes, the kiss was something amazing, it caused his emotions to shake wildly and the feeling inside his body was beyond comprehension. He hadn’t felt so good in a long time and the truth was he’d longed for this to happen. Before he’d had no idea but now when it actually had happened, he could see it differently. But that didn’t mean this was right. _He told you about how he’d lost his girlfriend and he’s drunk without a question. He isn’t thinking straight. If he were, he would’ve never kissed you. There is no way he feels this way._

Oliver sighed deeply fighting his inner thoughts, because he wanted to believe that this wasn’t just a dream, an illusion deeply hidden in his head. But how could he? Barry was his friend and nothing more. _You can’t do this to him. He would hate you the next day,_ he thought to himself. This couldn’t feel okay to him in any book.

“What’s wrong?” Barry asked with slurred voice after no words came from Oliver’s mouth.

“We can’t, Barry. It’s not right,” Oliver murmured, hating himself for saying that, because he wished with all his heart he wouldn’t have to lie to himself nor to the brunet like that. But he couldn’t let himself be selfish, not with Barry.

“I’ve been trying to do the right thing my whole life, but right now I don’t care anymore. I want this, Ollie, and I’m sure I can handle it,” Barry admitted sincerely not caring about anything anymore, because the secret was out, the act was done and there was no coming back from it.

Oliver couldn’t breathe, it all felt wrong. The fact he wanted it felt wrong, but at the same time denying it felt even worse. And hearing his heart pumping blood into his brain even doubled his suffering. He could no longer be able to look into Barry’s hazel green eyes without feeling the guilt stabbing him mercilessly. But it was too late for changing it. The damage was done and there was nothing Oliver could do to fix it.

“But I can’t,” he whispered sorrowfully, wishing he could just run away, but the brunet was still holding his hand tightly, not willing to let him.

“You can’t convince me that you felt nothing, Ollie,” Barry protested, trying so hard to read Oliver’s true emotions from his eyes. But the blond refused to look at him, refused to say a word, which was far worse than the rejection itself. So Barry lowered his head sadly, giving up on the small hope which was quickly fading away.

“Could you at least do one more favor for me?” Barry asked hopelessly, keeping the tears from coming out to the surface. After that Oliver finally looked up and restore the eye contact with him, nodding slightly.

“Don’t go. We can talk about it tomorrow, but right now, just stay…please,” Barry begged desperately. Although the pain spreading through every inch of his body could hardly be more insufferable, he didn’t want to be left alone in such moment of weakness. And he was ready to talk about it tomorrow, but right now, he just wanted to keep on dreaming a little longer.

And Oliver could see the desperation in his eyes, he could hear it in Barry’s voice. And he no longer wished to hurt him. Although he refused to let even a slight inch of his body to believe that they would work, he couldn’t help but linger in the fantasy for a little longer. Because he too craved for it more than he would like to admit, but for him fighting the reality had proved to be more difficult than anything else. But for just this once, he was willing to hold the line.

“Okay,” he whispered softly and squeezed Barry’s hand tightly to reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. Although it wasn’t much, Barry gave him a small smile in return and led him closer to the bed. And as they were lying, prepared to let the fatigue take them, they didn’t let go of each other’s hand, not even after Barry fell asleep. And Oliver didn’t mind, because the feelings it had been causing were one of the greatest in his life. And he was not prepared to lose it. Not tonight. Tomorrow he could wake up and actually begin to think right, but tonight, he was willing to linger in Barry’s presence. He was willing to not return to reality just yet. And slowly after some time, his eyes closed as well, leading him into realm of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it finally happened. They kissed at last. And please don’t write me how horribly it was written, because I’m perfectly aware of that, but at least it still happened, right? It took 16 long chapters but here we are. Which reminds me that this story has officially passed 100k words, which is amazing! It is for sure one of the longest stories I’ve written. And I also know that reading sometimes couldn’t have been easy, so I salute you for sticking for so long. You have a patience I would kill for ;).


	17. Swap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She said show me the world that's inside your head,  
> Show me the world that you see yourself, you could use some help  
> Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love
> 
> She said show me the world that's inside your head,  
> Tell me your secrets of life and death, and your one regret  
> Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love
> 
> \--Shove, Angels And Airwaves--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter no one asked for, but screw it. The muse is not willing to help me in any way so this is what happens when I’m in crisis XD. I’m so sorry.

After what happened last night, Barry expected falling asleep would be the hardest task he had to face. Yet the truth was quite the opposite. Because regardless of what Oliver’s rejection did to him, the fact blond didn’t leave him held much bigger meaning. That day Oliver had said he would never leave him and seeing that he really did mean it was good enough to silence all the sorrow which was slowly grouping inside of him. So he fell asleep, unwilling to let go of Oliver’s hand no matter what. Because that small contact, that small act of kindness gave him the strength to think about only the good things which had happened to him that day. Thanks to that his heart was saved from the merciless pressure and falling asleep was no trouble.

However, all those statements changed as soon as he decided to open his tired eyes. By the time he was awake, it was only around 6 AM and the man beside him was still dreaming. The times he’d woken up sooner than the blond could be counted by one hand, but he still cherished all of them in the core of his heart. It was just another opportunity for him to watch the blond in a complete peace. And frankly, that sight was unimaginably breathtaking. However, this one particular moment was meant to change that completely.

One look, that was all it took, one look at the man beside him was enough to resurrect the guilt which had been boiling inside of him. He did this. It was all his fault. And now their friendship was damaged, because he’d let things go too far, because he’d decided to not follow his brain. Even though he knew perfectly how that had worked out for him the last time.

The war ruling inside him was devastating. One part of him couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss and how it had made him feel. And the other one was trying to push all those feelings away to convince him he wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Maybe he really wasn’t. After all why would he want to go through this again? Was he really meant to fall in love just to end up broken once again? What had happened to Patty had never left him, it carried on accompanying him still and he’d been running from it ever since, without any success.

And nothing had changed, which was why he could no longer bring himself to hold any hopes. Every time he’d tried to go on a date, the memories of Patty were a constant phenomenon, reminding him his past would always follow him no matter what. And it still hurt. Which was why his relationships had never worked out in any way, they always ended up in a disaster. Which made him even more depressed.

And hearing Oliver’s words didn’t help him either. His insides hurt more and more as the words were resonating through his mind. _It’s not right._ Back then, he didn’t care but right now, those words weren’t willing to leave his mind alone. And with that he had no other choice than to just start believing they were true. Because they were friends, lab mates even and that was it. There was no room for something more. And it wasn’t right that Barry wanted something more. It was wrong, because he wasn’t even sure what it was and he’d still decided to go for it and kiss him. Now the consequences had caught up to him, unwilling to give him any break. Was it really love? Did his feelings change so much? He didn’t know and he didn’t dare to answer them either. Not when the only answers he could think of were tied with maybes and buts. He needed to be sure with Oliver, because neither of them deserved to go through such cruelty once again. And until he wasn’t ready, there was no way he could look into Oliver’s eyes and talk with him properly.

He couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe but he couldn’t bring himself to stay there either. The worry of Oliver hating him was overwhelming him quickly, making it impossible for him to believe there was some way how to return back to how they were. No, that was a naïve thought even for him and he couldn’t let himself be so gullible, not anymore.

So before the blond would wake up, Barry decided to use the precious time to run away. He carefully got up from the bed and left the apartment, hating himself more than he’d ever thought possible.

He was a coward, because instead of embracing the problem, he decided to run from it. He was a hypocrite, because yesterday, he had yearned for Oliver to say that he would never leave him and now Barry was the one who was leaving him. He felt embarrassed, but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to stay, when everything around him was so unclear. He felt helpless, confused and unaware, regardless of how many times he tried to make some sense of it. As simple as it might be, for him those feelings were nothing but a burden right now and he wanted to get rid of them. He wanted to regain the peace in his heart. He wanted to find the ability to breathe easily once again, to relax, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t reach it. His eyes were utterly blinded.

 But he didn’t wish to be alone in this moment of vulnerability. That way he would never figure these feelings out. He was in a desperate need for answers and he was willing to do anything to find them. However, his legs didn’t decide to take him to the people who were closest to his heart. His brain had no desire to go to Iris or to Joe, no, it had completely different intentions. Which stayed dim until he reached the right place – Felicity’s house. One simple clear thought could stop him from ringing that bell, but his common sense was still refusing to help him in his crisis. So without anything holding him back he nervously rang the bell and waited outside. It was only then when the door before him opened that he realized he had no idea what he was doing.

“Barry? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Felicity asked as soon as her eyes spotted him. There were times when it would actually stun him to see the always-neat Felicity Smoak right after she got out of her bed, but this day was not amongst them. And even seeing her flower pajamas or totally messy hair couldn’t do the trick. He was still the hopeless wreck as before, which didn’t escape Felicity’s attention.

“Can I come in?” he asked hopelessly, rather facing the ground than her.

“Of course! Come in,” Felicity softly replied, shifting to one side to let him get inside, trying so hard to not dwell on how horrible she must’ve looked right now. However, one look at the brunet was all it took to silence any other thoughts in her mind. She’d never see him so hopeless before. She had no idea what had gone so wrong in his life that it made him like this. And the idea of her finding the right way how to comfort him couldn’t also be any dimmer. However, he’d chosen her of all people. Anyone else would be a better help than her, but he still chose her. And for what it was worth, she wasn’t willing to let him drown in his own sorrow. That was never her style.

As for Barry, the guilt inside of him was quickly escalating, becoming even more unbearable in seconds. His knees felt weak, head was spinning and his eyes were pressured by the tears, which were fighting their way out from shadows, but he wasn’t willing to let them. Not yet. His whole world was turning upside down mercilessly and the idea of all of this becoming even worse felt even more and more foreign. And as he was standing there, waiting for the right words to come out of his mouth, the guilt carried on swallowing him. So when he realized he could no longer take it, he let actions explain what words could not.

Without any second thought he wrapped his arms around Felicity, desperately searching for some comfort. Unfortunately it proved to be just another hopeless dead end. And although he was aware that Felicity wasn’t closer to him than Iris, something was telling him that it didn’t matter who was trying to comfort him, the result would always be the same. He would never feel better. Iris couldn’t help him, Joe couldn’t help him, his father couldn’t help him. No matter who was hugging him, it wouldn’t trigger the right emotions. It wouldn’t feel as amazing as when Oliver was hugging him. And knowing that he secretly yearned for those feelings was destroying him more than he could admit. Because Oliver would never hug him like this ever again, since Barry couldn’t help and just be reckless. Now he had to face the consequences of his actions.

“What’s wrong, Barry?” Felicity asked compassionately again, when she wrapped her arms tightly around him. Barry took a deep breath before saying the truth aloud, because as soon as the words would be out, there was no coming back from it. Although he secretly wished it had been nothing more than just a dream, he could no longer fight the reality, the truth had to get out.

“I screwed up, badly, and I don’t know what to do now,” he admitted sincerely, still fighting the tears to come out of his eyes. Instead of that he just retained in the hug with his mind still flitting over countless, dim thoughts, hoping that Felicity could help him clear them all out. Because he needed to put his mind at ease, his heart too, before he would explode.

* * *

 

When Oliver woke up, it took him a while until the memories found a way back to him, but when they did, the guilt followed. And it even escalated when he noticed Barry had left. But could he really blame him? He should’ve stopped it before it even happened, or at the very least he should’ve pulled away sooner, because this was all wrong. They were not supposed to do such things, because this was not how they felt. Barry was just confused and that was it. After all he’d been through that day, dealing with his emotions couldn’t have been easy. Oliver didn’t blame him, it was all his fault, that he’d let it go so far.

And even if Barry had felt this way, it would hold no meaning, because Oliver didn’t. After all it’s been only over two months since Sara had left, and he had no idea whether he was already over her or not. And even if he were, would it be such a great idea to get involved romantically again? Because he and Barry had something special, a strong bond, which he believed was indestructible. If he decided that this was what he wanted, there would have to be no lies, no secrets, and it would have to be about much more than just satisfying his lust. Because yesterday that was how he’d felt when Barry had kissed him. He’d felt lust, which had yearned for more, making it impossible for him to pull away. But love? He wasn’t sure, which was why he couldn’t let his hopes up. Because they would both end up hurt. Maybe they would never work, maybe they would start hating each other in the end. If that were the risk, was he really willing to take it? When it could give him the happiness he so desperately needed in his life?

The answer was clear and it didn’t matter how much pain it was causing him to admit it, he couldn’t take the chance that he might be wrong about this. He always hated taking risks, he always hated being kept in darkness and waiting for surprises could never bring him any joy. No, he wasn’t like this. He couldn’t do any spontaneous things, it wasn’t part of his true-self. And even if he’d been, his life couldn’t be any part of it. His mind was fed up with drama and adding other pieces of it would just destroy him even more. He let himself get carried away when Barry had showed up and now his mind couldn’t be more astray. And he hated it, from the core of his heart, he hated this constant confusion following him everywhere he went. And the reason why his perfect brain was not capable of solving these problems for him was something which was driving him even madder.

His head hurt from such thoughts. They made him feel even worse which was the last thing he really needed. How could have he been so stupid? If he hadn’t gotten so attached to the brunet, he wouldn’t have any problems right now. _But you will never learn, won’t you? You’ll just keep making the same mistakes all over again even though you know perfectly how much it’s gonna hurt at the end._ And why? Because he was weak. Or maybe he just didn’t wish to get bored. Because he would rather suffer the unbearable pain than get bored for the rest of his life.

Or at least that was what his brain kept telling him. That he wasn’t normal, that he couldn’t find real happiness. That no matter how hard he tried, at the end life would mess with him in the cruelest ways. That he was too much lost to be saved. So much that he didn’t even wish to be saved anymore. Not by Barry and not by anyone.

So at the end he decided to stop thinking about it. Dwelling on it further was just causing him more and more pain and he had enough of it, so he prepared to finally enter the reality and headed towards STAR Labs. That was the only place, he believed, that could help him concentrate on something more important for a change and all this drama would finally vanish. As simple as that.

* * *

 

"Barry, look at me. I know, that it may seem as a bad thing, but it's not. Trust me, I can tell," she spoke up after a little moment of silence as they were sitting on a couch, squeezing his hand, trying to encourage him. But Barry's head still stayed lowered, not daring to let this realization in. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be true.

"You're hallucinating, Felicity. It's not like that," he stubbornly protested yanking his hand from her grip. But was he really to blame when all he could think of were times when Oliver had been holding his hand? When he had been lying in STAR Labs unconscious. When he’d been trying to soothe Barry and make his petty jealous thoughts disappear. And at last when they’d been lying together in Oliver's bed and all Barry had yearned for was the promise that moment would never end. All those times Oliver's touch had affected him more than he cared to admit. It was the brightest light in his darkened body, which was giving him hope for better future, illuminating everything within him. Spreading the soothing warmth to his whole body, making him feel happy to be alive. And now when Oliver was out of reach, feeling like this wasn't an option, even though Felicity was his friend. He didn't wish anyone else by his side right now, but Oliver. Because the blond would be the only person who would affect him this way. Not even Iris's comforting touch would be enough for him in this situation. He wanted Oliver but considering how he'd decided to run away it was already too late for that. Oliver was surely already awake, hating him. And Barry couldn't blame him.

"Am I hallucinating? Or are you the one, who refuses to see the truth for once? You came here to ask for my help to make it all clear for you, didn't you? Then why aren't you willing to believe that for just a second? That Oliver is not just a friend?" Felicity tried but for some reason she found it impossible for her to understand her friend. Barry was now farther away from her than ever before. She had no idea why he decided to go after her instead of Iris or Joe. Comparing to them what did she have to offer? Maybe the precious information of Oliver's feelings which Barry so yearned for. Yeah, that could be it. However, she wasn't willing to let that fact out, not before Barry would confess first. After all it wasn't her secret to tell.

"Because I can't. It's not right," Barry stated sorrowfully, quoting Oliver's words bitterly. However, the more times they resonated through his mind the more he started to believe they were true. That led to him getting more and more frustrated because he no longer knew what was right. And it was messing with his brain. So he just hopelessly sighed and pressed his suffering face against his sweaty palms.

"Is it? Because life is not about suffering and holding back. It's about finding everything that's been missing the whole time and holding on to it. It's about finding worth in every little joy, because at the end they are what matter most. Because they make your life beautiful. You may not see it, but it's there. The way you light up every time Oliver appears. How your mind is flitting beyond reality. How you can't stop staring no matter what." Barry sighed deeply. Why was it so difficult for him to see the truth? Why did he think that running away from his problems was going to solve anything? Why couldn’t he overcome his fears? Why did he choose to go from someone, who’s been afraid of people running away from him, to someone who was running away from them?

It was so difficult to answer all those questions, but thanks to Felicity it stopped being impossible. In some way everything around him, which had been dim the whole time, was finally starting to be crystal-clear.

"You're in love with him and don't try to deny it, because it won't work. Everyone can see it." Hearing those words hurt more than he'd ever thought it would. Because although he'd been feeling this way for longer than he was brave enough to admit, only now when Felicity had said them, he let the truth sink in. And not even that. He let it spread through every inch of his body so everything within him would understand and accept this statement. So no doubts would ever bother him.

So could it really be true? Could he really be in love with the man, who hadn’t even looked at him when they’d first met? And who had continued to be the biggest dick in his life? No, he didn’t fall in love with this person, because this person had never existed. Not for real and not for him. He fell in love with the man who had gotten astray from believing in the impossible. The man, who cared deeply for people close to his heart and was willing to do anything to help them so they would never have to go through such pain as he’d had to. The man with the most fragile heart Barry had ever encountered, but also the most caring one. And when he put it that way, he really did fell for Oliver without even realizing it. Of all people, the blond was the only one who made him forget about his tragic past. He made him feel free of pain and happy, like it was the easiest thing on earth. Thanks to him, breathing had become finally easier as it was always meant to be.

And now when it was revealed, he couldn't help but feel embarrassed that he hadn't figured it out sooner. But at the same time, some part of him kept telling him that at some point he'd known it all along. The only difference was that now he managed to convince every part of him. And the feeling after that was... incredibly soothing and yet mercilessly terrifying at the same time.

Why? Because every time he let himself drown into memories of him with Oliver, he couldn't help but let a genuine smile occupy his face. Thinking about it was like drinking a hot chocolate after spending endless time in cold winter. The warmth lingering in his entire features was sweet, soft and unimaginably breathtaking. The possibility he would once again feel this way about someone had been more foreign than he dared to admit. But now that statement could go to hell.

Felicity smiled at the sight before her. Although Barry's face was decorated mostly by hopeless stare, there was something else hiding behind it. Something much stronger. And when she realized what it was, she couldn't be happier about it. Because it was the proof that Barry didn't feel sorry for feeling this way about Oliver. In fact he couldn't be more glad the blond was the one who enchanted him. He wouldn't have it any other way.

However, it didn't matter how strong his love was if Oliver didn't feel the same. And he didn't. Barry could tell, because after yesterday there was no other explanation for him pulling away. Only the fact he saw Barry as only a friend. This realization hurt him enormously, like someone was stabbing him repeatedly into his stomach, unwilling to stop. He let another wound grow on his scarred heart. And when it was clear that the joy completely left him, he let the first tear stream down his face.

"It doesn't matter though, because he doesn't feel the same. After all it’s been only over two months since Sara left," he sorrowfully whispered, unable to stop his tears from streaming down further.

"You really believe that he still loves her?" Felicity asked him bluntly, hitting on the fact Barry was once again being foolish and refusing to see what was obvious. However now it was clear what Barry needed to hear. It was after all the only reason he'd chosen her of all people close to him. He needed to know how Oliver felt before he would do something rush and unconsidered. Fortunately for him Felicity loved them both and seeing them so sadly apart was definitely not what she wanted to experience when they could be happy so easily.

"With my luck yeah, I believe he does," Barry replied and ran a hand down his wet face sorrowfully. "And even if he didn’t, why would he feel the same for such a loser like me?"

"Maybe he is asking himself the same question, because he doesn't understand why someone so perfect would choose him over anyone else," Felicity wondered but secretly she knew that she was right. No matter how much Oliver was trying to convince everyone he didn’t have any emotions, he couldn’t fool her. She was always at least one step ahead.

"Yeah right, like that is true. Look, Felicity, he is Oliver Queen. Almost every girl’s dream. And me? I'm damaged and stubborn, and annoying, unable to stop talking and he doesn't even laugh at my jokes. There is no way he would feel the same way about me," Barry protested and let another tear escape his tired eyes, nervously fiddling with his sweaty hands. The more times he repeated it, the more it hurt.

"No offense, Barry, but you shouldn't doubt me when it comes to Oliver. I know him longer than you and thanks to that I've learned how to spot the right hints. So believe me when I tell you, that nothing is lost," she claimed, placing her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it soothingly. But Barry still refused to look into her silver eyes. He couldn't bring himself to believe her.

"I'm serious, Barry, you just have to keep trying and eventually he'll come around. How do you think he and Sara started dating?"

"I thought that it was mutual for them."

"That doesn't help when it comes to Oliver. Gaining an entrance into his heart may seem difficult, but you're already in, and the fact you kissed him can’t change that. On contrary, the fact it took him a while to break that kiss is the perfect proof of it. And I know he's just scared, but honestly, he wants to find the true happiness as much as you want. His heart might be scarred, but there were never any locks or handles attached to it. And that's because it was always meant to be opened from inside," she smiled sincerely and Barry stayed silent. He didn't know what to say or do. His world was still spinning around wildly, but only this time  the last inches of him started breaking their stubbornness. And believing that Felicity was right felt much easier.

"It isn't impossible, Barry, no matter how many times you'll try to convince yourself otherwise. You just have to ask yourself the very important question - is he worth fighting for?" she asked softly and patiently waited for his answer, giving him as much time as he needed. And when he was ready to let the truth out, he raised his lowered head and looked into her eyes.

"Yes," he whispered silently, but with enough confidence to make it sound like he believed it. And when he let a small smile appear on his face, he didn't need any other proof - he believed it with everything within him. It was time to stop running, it was time to start staying in one place, which was a home for him. It was time to stop dwelling in his tragic past and to finally focus on the present which could give him the happiness which he so desperately yearned for. Because he deserved it. It was simple as that.

"Then let's go after him," Felicity smiled warmly and when she managed to turn her morning-self into the neat-and-civilized-self, which he knew and loved, they both headed towards STAR Labs and Barry could swear, he'd never been this much excited. This day had started with nothing but fear and guilt, and now he couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t bring himself to care about any bad memories inside his head and he no longer wish to. All that just because the desire to know the blond had been always stronger, his curiosity had been always stronger. And now after all this time, if he’d had a chance for another try, he wouldn’t change a thing. Because after long time he could finally say that he liked how his life was turning around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Oliver will eventually see the truth too. After all, something so obvious is hard to miss ;). Thank you for reading this dragging chapter. Here’s hoping the next one will be better in… everything XD.


	18. Ready? Ready.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May these words be the first  
> To find your ears.  
> The world is brighter than the sun  
> Now that you’re here.  
> Though your eyes will need some time to adjust  
> To the overwhelming light surrounding us,
> 
> \--Light, Sleeping At Last--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my friend Victoria. Thank you for sticking with me even during my grumpier times and with this story right from the beginning. Your words never fail to encourage me and I don’t know where I would be without them :). So I really hope you’ll like this…

Questions. Confusion. Guilt. All those things were ruling over Oliver, following him everywhere he went like they were physically attached to him. And fragments of his memories from the previous night appearing in his mind weren’t much of a help either. It caused his head to spin and with time, his whole world as well.

Everything around him was mercilessly turning to rust. He felt trapped with no way to go, because every door had closed before he got out. And his mind was no longer capable of focusing on reality. His surroundings didn’t matter anymore. In fact, it was like they never existed at all. He became clumsy and the things which felt natural to him before, now couldn’t be more foreign. Before, everyday obstacles were no trouble. Cars, people, traffic lights, that was all a truism for him. They were something which even his subconsciousness could handle, but no such thing was possible now. Cars were too noisy for his liking, hearing other people talk was annoying and even though it was cold outside, he felt like he was on fire.

The number of people around him wasn’t exceptionally high, only now his frustration was growing so fast that everything bothered him, everything was getting on his nerves. Which was why he felt unthinkably thankful when his tired eyes spotted the building of STAR Labs – the only possible salvation for him. Until now it didn’t matter in how much pain he was, his job in STAR Labs could always make him forget it with some time. And the only thing that could put his mind at least in some amount of ease was hoping that something like that would prove to be enough today too.

However, he soon found out that luck carried on being not on his side when he realized that he wasn’t the only one who had decided to come so early. That fact would hold no meaning, but when the only other person inside besides him was Cisco, he could be sure that this day wouldn’t get better any time soon.

There were times when Cisco had wanted nothing more than just piss the blond off. And as the great ideas had been coming and going to his mind, the worse ones also had followed. And one of the lamest of them all was trying to scare him and cause his body to flinch. Pathetic, but sometimes Cisco was really bored and desperate. However, it didn’t matter how many times he’d been actually willing to carry on with this stupidity, he’d never succeeded. Oliver had been always at least one step ahead. So sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t even capable of flinching. Unfortunately, exactly as other laws for him started losing their meaning, this one was no exception.

So when Oliver entered the lab, his obliviousness followed him and caused him to think that he was alone. No such thing. As soon as his eyes finally spotted the long-haired brunet, his body made a quick sudden movement of surprise – he flinched, which was yet another new thing for him. And the fact Cisco noticed was just yet another thing on his list that made him even more furious.

“Did you just flinch?” Cisco asked, narrowing his eyes and pointing at him with a slight amusement. He’d been trying to startle that man for so many times and now when that thought didn’t even cross his mind he’d finally done it. Maybe he’d done it without even noticing it at first but for him it was a win either way.

Oliver was fully aware that Cisco just wanted to irritate him. Not even his confused thoughts could cover that fact up. So he refused to say anything on that matter. Instead, he just simply straightened his chest and tried to change the subject.

"What are you doing?" he asked grumpily, scowling at the man before him.

"What do you think? Obviously not controlling if everything's okay. Nope, why would I ever do that?" Cisco replied sarcastically. And Oliver was so clueless that he didn't even bother to notice that Cisco had just doubted him.

"It'll be fine," he just simply stated, with no insult trying to fight its way out on the surface. Which stunned the younger man more than he'd thought it would.

"That's it? It'll be fine? No insults on my account?" Cisco asked, shocked by the situation, but Oliver didn't even look at him and just moved closer to the lab table.

“I’m not in the mood for your petty remarks, Cisco,” he snorted, annoyed.

“What happened to my favorite lab mate? You seem a little off the edge,” Cisco pointed out, tilting his head to one side. Oliver spun around and frowned at him.

“I’m fine. And even if I weren’t, it wouldn’t be your damn business, so kindly back off,” Oliver replied with a little threatening voice, crossing arms over his chest. But Cisco refused to even flinch. He just determinedly straightened his chest, making it clear for the blond that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Does this brooding have anything to do with Barry?” he stubbornly asked, raising one of his eyebrows questioningly. Sound of those words startled Oliver and immediately changed his posture without him even realizing it. An unnerving feeling started to take over him, making the pressure on his shoulders even more unbearable. And he couldn’t help but let the embarrassment take over his features as well. Before, he’d been perfectly capable of controlling every part of his body, but now no such fact was true. And his miserable efforts to once again regain that control proved to be only hopelessly doomed.

When Cisco spotted Oliver’s blushing cheeks, the temptation to start laughing right there was stronger than ever. But he managed to push that feeling away and preserved the seriousness in his features. And although he could see Oliver desperately wanted to say something, how he was struggling with it was also visible. So Cisco decided to take over the talking. For now.

“Look, Oliver, I know we’re not exactly besties, in fact, we couldn’t be further from that, but if you need to talk, I’m here,” Cisco offered, and although it felt unthinkably weird to say those words, he wasn’t ignorant. He did have a heart. And although Oliver had done nothing better than just insisted on getting on his nerves, it didn’t mean that Cisco never thought about how it would look like if they’d been more tolerant towards each other. If nothing else, at least their days in STAR Labs would become more enjoyable. But even though Cisco had tried to accomplish that in small measures, he never really did. Sometimes it might look like he hated the blond, but seeing Oliver now so lost and hopeless, that could move even with him. So maybe a chance found its way to them. And for what it was worth, he was willing to take it. However, instead of getting some words out of Oliver’s mouth, the blond just shot him a death glare.

“You’re friends with Barry. Do you really think I’m that stupid that I would tell you of all people? You would say it to him and to everyone you know in a matter of seconds. And I know this for sure, because after being constantly around you I’ve managed to spot quite a lot things about you just by observing you from afar. And one of those things is that telling you secrets will never work out for anyone. You just can’t shut up,” Oliver scoffed.

“No way. Of course I can keep secrets.”

“Really? Name one time you actually managed to stay quiet,” Oliver demanded, raising his eyebrows challengingly.

“That time when I accidently set Felicity’s shirt on fire and you had to handle the situation and lend her your jacket?” Cisco smirked triumphantly.

“Considering only the three of us were in the same room, I guess one of us must have said something, because the whole STAR Labs knew about it the next day. I know I didn’t say anything. The idea of Felicity saying something is stupid, so that leaves us to you, Cisco. And she is still mad at you about it, by the way.”

“It was an accident and I learned my lesson!” Cisco innocently claimed. “And I apologized, which is something you would never do.”

“You still haven’t convinced me to trust you,” Oliver smartly changed the subject, tilting his head to one side.

“What about that time when Barry and Caitlin went to bar the other night? Caitlin got drunk and together they sang Summer Nights? I’m sure I haven’t said that one to anyone yet,” Cisco wondered, curling his lips.

“You just did,” Oliver pointed out smirking on the highest level possible. But he had to admit that the thought of Barry and Caitlin singing shocked him. He had some suspicions that Barry knew how to sing. Those times when he managed to hear him taking shower made sure of that. But still, he would definitely pay a whole fortune just to see Barry sing for real. However, now such thoughts seemed only foolish and naïve.

“Wow, nothing can stop you from being a total jerk, can it?” Cisco asked, shaking his head in astonishment.

“Guess not,” Oliver nodded and chuckled slightly, which cast a smile across Cisco’s face. For the first time in history, the two of them actually had a nice moment. Before, their relationship was strictly based on getting on each other’s nerves. And although neither of them would likely admit it, it was nice to make the other one smile for a change. The fact they managed to cause other emotions than just annoyance and anger was strangely refreshing. And for Cisco, seeing this part of Oliver, this more carefree and relaxed part was quite an accomplishment. He understood that Oliver wasn’t only evil. The world was too complex to work that way, but only now he actually got a chance to see those good parts in the blond. And understanding why Felicity saw him as a friend was much easier. And the reasons why Barry had fallen in love with him seemed also much clearer.

“You should tell him, you know, and be finally done with this show. You’re not fooling anyone,” Cisco remarked, pursing his lips slightly. Oliver immediately stiffened at those words and the smile he’d just had seconds ago was now nothing more than a memory. His guard was once again up, holding his cold look still.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replied firmly without any hesitation.

“Sure you do. I’m not blind, Oliver, and it’s pretty obvious, even for me, that you have a crush on him,” Cisco claimed, shifting his weight.

“That’s not true. Barry is my friend and that’s it,” Oliver stubbornly replied. He really didn’t need any more drama in his life.

“Yeah, the friend zone. I know it well. Pretty sure I have a permanent residence there, which is why I don’t recommend you to stay there. It sucks,” Cisco pointed out and shoved a lollipop into his mouth.

“You don’t know me,” Oliver shot back with his arms crossed over his chest.

“But I know Barry, who is as subtle as you about it. And besides, didn’t you say that when you are constantly around someone you manage to spot some things about them just by observing them from afar? Seems to me I’ve learned something from you in the end,” Cisco smirked, licking the lollipop with a clear provocation. But when Oliver just dedicated him another death glare, he understood that there was no way the blond was going to open up. So he just sighed and without saying anything walked away from him. But before he could leave completely, Oliver’s words managed to come to the surface.

“He kissed me and I pulled away,” Oliver exclaimed brokenly. Although he had no idea why of all people he decided to say it out loud to Cisco, he still found it impossible to stop his mouth from forming those words. And now when they were out, it just made him even more confident that they were true. He lowered his head, closing his eyes slowly in frustration. And the breathing happened to be once again difficult for him.

“Wow, definitely didn’t see that one coming. I mean, on the one hand, it does make a kind of sense. On the other hand, why? Why, why would you ever consider doing this?” Cisco asked, turning around to face the blond once again and waving his hands in a slight exasperation. However, Oliver refused to say anything else. Because although he was trying to convince himself that pulling away was the right call, the more he thought about it, the more he started regretting it. But he still wasn’t ready to admit that, because every time he remembered how it had ended up with Sara, he realized he wasn’t in the mood to try to go to another relationship. Because relationships were trouble, love was trouble, which was always meant to end in some horrible way. He’d stopped believing in finding that one true love after what had happened with Sara and not even Barry could change his point of view on this.

“Looks like you can’t always do the smart move,” Cisco pointed out, but Oliver still refused to look at him. After that Cisco was ready to give up, but before he could walk away, he decided to say one last thing: “Just take it from someone who rarely makes the first step when it comes to things like these. When I finally do, the rejection is the last thing I want. And the same could be said about more lies.” After that he just simply walked away and let the blond alone with his thoughts, which was the last thing Oliver wanted right now. Because no matter how hard he tried his mind always managed to go back to previous night and to the kiss. It was sitting annoyingly on his chest, making it hard for him to catch his breath. His efforts were not enough to make him stop thinking of what it had done to him when Barry had closed the distance between them.

How the spark of satisfaction had run through his spine and made him dizzy. How his body had shivered of feeling Barry’s touch. How his lusting and possessive nature had taken over him. And then how the realization had struck him. And how horrible he’d felt for pulling away. And just like seeing the expression on the brunet’s face caused him utter pain, Cisco’s words broke him even more. Was that how Barry had felt? Rejected? It pained him when he realized how much damage was done by his hand on the younger man. From someone who was constantly hurt by others he managed to move to someone who was causing that pain to others.

These depressing thoughts didn’t leave him alone. They kindly stayed occupying his mind, making it impossible for him to concentrate on anything else. Walking was still a problem. His hands once again felt cold and at the same time wet of the drops of sweat streaming down on them. His head was spinning and his heart beating faster than he was ready to admit. And the only thing which was going on through his mind was how he’d pained the brunet. His mind was fighting an endless war, because part of him kept saying that he should stop lying to himself and finally admit how he truly felt. The other part was determined to not let that happen under any circumstances. And keeping a record of which one was winning proved to be impossible for him. The only thing he was capable of acknowledging was the fact he was slowly going mad.

But before that could happen, his ears managed to notice footsteps approaching him and before the person appeared he succeeded in getting himself back to reality.

“Why the hell am I the last person who knows that you and Barry kissed?” Harry growled angrily as soon as he approached the blond. Oliver turned around to face him, rolling his eyes when the realization struck him.

“You’re not. I only told that annoying little fuck, who apparently said it to you,” Oliver denied, irritated that yet another discussion was coming to get him. Only this time it was going to get worse. Harry loved proving he had a point.

“Couldn’t keep it for at least a few hours, could you, Cisco?” Oliver asked, already knowing the guilty man was hiding behind the wall. After that Cisco walked out of the shadows and joined them inside with fear and clear embarrassment written all over his features.

“Okay, I admit, that it might’ve slipped through my mouth, but at least I didn’t tell him you rejected him,” he pointed out hopefully.

“You did what?” Harry asked, infuriated, turning his face once again to the blond, who just simply sighed of clear irritation.

“You know what? I think I should just get back to my duties and let you two have a nice, harmless chit chat,” Cisco smiled innocently.

“That would be my preference,” Oliver glared at him, sighing with frustration. After that Cisco awkwardly nodded and headed towards the other part of the lab. And now was the right time for Oliver to start being nervous. Hearing any more advices was definitely not what he craved for. And especially not from Harry. However, if the whole situation proved something to him it was the fact he had no right to complain right now.

“Care to explain to me why you rather opened up to Cisco than to me?” Harry asked, crossing arms over his chest and shooting the man before him a judgmental stare.

“You weren’t here,” Oliver murmured bluntly, but he soon regretted ever saying that. But his brain just wasn’t capable of functioning properly today at all. Which was why he lost even the slight amount of tact he’d owned before and started to say everything that came onto his mind.

“But now I’m here, so would you be so kind and explain to me what happened?” Harry asked, coming closer to his foster son.

“Why? So you would get new ideas of how to make fun of me? No, thank you. I think I’ll pass,” Oliver coldly replied, turning around to break the eye contact they held.

“Is that what you think of me?” Harry wondered sadly and slightly gripped Oliver’s shoulder.

“Does it matter? Just get this over with and do your worst if you must,” Oliver brokenly confirmed, lowering his head to face the ground.

“No, that’s not my intention,” Harry stubbornly announced, making the blond once again face him properly.

“Then what do you want?” Oliver asked, throwing his hands around in a slight frustration.

“This may surprise you, but your happiness means something to me. And until I’m still breathing I won’t stop helping you find it,” Harry admitted sincerely, not daring to break the eye contact with the blond. It was a proof that he meant every word he’d used and although Oliver’s brain was a clear mess right now, he was still capable of understanding this sort of language.

“You heard right. Barry and I kissed yesterday and I broke it,” Oliver admitted, ashamed, lowering his head once again. Facing the man before him had never proved to be more difficult.

“Why?”

“Because it was better like it was.”

“Better for him or for you?” Harry questioned, tilting his head to one side. “Because it seems to me that you’re just refusing to see it from his perspective.”

“I’m trying to see it from the right perspective. And I know that after what happened with Sara I have definitely no desire to end up heartbroken ever again. So that’s why I don’t want to be with him. And he doesn’t want this either, he just thinks he does,” Oliver breathed firmly.

“You actually don’t believe that, do you?” Harry wondered with clear amusement written all over his features. But when Oliver shot him only a death glare, he returned to his serious self.

“Really? Because it seems to me, that you’re the one who refuses to see the big picture here. Or have you already forgotten what happened after Sara left?” Oliver questioned, the rage within him quickly escalating.

“Of course I haven’t! Do you really see me as such a monster? Do you think that seeing you in pain doesn’t bother me? That I’m not afraid you would break once again someday?” Harry asked, shouting more than was necessary just to prove the meaning of his words. But he couldn’t help it. After all, he didn’t hold anyone else as close to his heart as Oliver. And seeing that the blond had such little faith in him hurt. More than he dared to admit.

There were countless things that Oliver wanted to say right now. But no matter how hard he tried, the right words were never found and the true feelings were never showed. But that was also on him. Because he’d let the right ways on how to express them slip through his mind. And now it was difficult for him to collect them again. Yet he was aware, that Harry deserved far more than he was getting. Because it didn’t matter how hard Oliver tried to linger in the fact life was just messing with him, without Harry everything could’ve been much worse. That man had saved him and it pained him that even after all his efforts, Oliver could never really express how thankful he in fact was.

“Look, Oliver, I know that it’s easier to convince yourself that you’re still not over her,” Harry spoke softly after a little moment of silence, straightening his chest. “Because yeah, she was a huge part of your life and you loved her and nothing can change it. I get that. But I also know you more than you know yourself, which is why you won’t fool me with this.”

“What makes you so sure?” Oliver glared at him challengingly.

“I’m not stupid, Oliver, and I know she’d moved out from Canada to Starling City. Something is telling me you knew that too,” Harry pointed out, raising one of his eyebrows questioningly. Oliver broke the eye contact and simply nodded in agreement. It had been a few weeks since Felicity told him that. Her family obviously needed to start from a scratch and they’d chosen Starling City, which was only 600 miles away from Central, as the perfect place for that.

“Then tell me, why didn’t you go after her? If you still believe you haven’t moved on from her, why do you stay?” Harry asked, pouting slightly. However, no answer came from Oliver’s mouth. Why? Because he had no idea what to say to the man in front of him. No answer would ever be good enough even for him.

“I think I know why,” Harry claimed, pointing at him with his finger. “And I know you feel like it’s a crime, but let me tell you it’s not. You’ve been happy. Even when she was not around, you managed to smile, laugh, relax and forget about her. Don’t try to convince yourself that it’s a bad thing, because it’s not. It’s just a perfect proof that you’ve managed to move on from her. Thanks to Barry. He’s been the main source of your happiness.”

“What do you want me to say?” Oliver asked, turning away from his foster dad to hide how his guard was struggling to hold still.

“You don’t have to say anything to me, Oliver. All I want is that you just admit the truth to yourself.”

“Why can’t you just let this be, Harry? You must see that we’re not moving anywhere,” Oliver wondered, running a hand down his face, frustrated.

“If you really think that there is nothing tightening your chest, then by all means! Live your pathetic life completely alone by rotting in here and pretending that you don’t care about anyone else. But I know you, Oliver, and if even a slight inch of you can feel the pressure on your shoulders then just admit it and stop playing this treacherous game!” Harry argued, losing the last pieces of his patience.

“You want me to admit the truth? Fine, I admit, that even though I knew Sara had moved in to Starling, I barely thought about going after her. And yes, Barry was the reason of it. I admit that with him living my life seemed easier. I admit that thanks to him my everyday problems vanished. And when that kiss happened I admit, that I wanted more. I didn’t want it to stop,” Oliver confessed, losing the already small amount of his self-control until nothing was holding him back anymore.

“Then why did you?” Harry promptly asked.

“Because at that time it seemed right to me,” Oliver whispered, completely broken, finding it once again hard to breathe properly.

“And now? Does it still seem right to you?”

“I have no idea and that bothers me. You might think that telling him the truth is the easiest thing on earth, but for me, it’s not. How can I be with him, when I know how hurt he would end up at the end? I’m not sure how I feel about him and until I do I can’t take the risk of hurting him like that,” Oliver finished and slowly closed his eyes, lowering his head sorrowfully.

“Then don’t. Stop trying to isolate yourself from him, because believe it or not, that’s one of the worst possible ways you can hurt him. Just finally stop refusing to see the whole truth. If Barry didn’t have feelings for you, he wouldn’t have kissed you, so thinking that he sees you as only a friend is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do. And I don’t believe you see him as only a friend either. So stop behaving like an idiot and go after him. Before it’s too late,” Harry commanded seriously, pointing towards the door of the lab, but Oliver refused to even look in that direction.

“I will never understand why you have to be such a stubborn brat all the time,” Harry scoffed, taking another breath to try to reason with his foster son for the last time. “Don’t bullshit me, Oliver, with this whole I’m-not-sure-about-this-thing. Because it won’t work. And if it were true, it wouldn’t hold any meaning. Because this uncertainty and taking risks has always been part of falling in love with someone. You can’t be sure about anything in that state and I know that it scares you, but there is nothing wrong with that. It’s completely human like you are. I know that when you two met, you definitely didn’t see this coming, but love never cares about anyone. It just does what it wants. And you can’t change that. The only thing you can do is to decide whether you’re willing to play this game and win. You gotta ask yourself questions which only you can answer. Are those feelings worth the risks? Is your happiness more precious to you than sticking to your principles? Is Barry worth all that trouble?” And hearing those words did wonders to Oliver. He wanted to scream that one simple word to the whole world for everyone to hear. That he wanted it more than anything else. That he wanted him more than anything else. But his brain was still so annoyingly resistant, making him hold back even from this, when it was already clear how he felt even to him.

“I know that you think you can’t be happy, but believe me, everyone can, everyone deserves it and that includes you. I also know that you think being alone is enough for you, but that’s just another bullshit you’re trying to get into your stubborn head. And I know this for sure, because I was exactly like you,” Harry admitted tilting his head slightly down. That made Oliver stiffen and his curiosity take over him.

“What?” he murmured, completely astray. He was definitely not expecting Harry would say something like that. Countless possible scenarios had appeared in his mind, but none of them equaled to this. Because from his point of view, Harry had been doing nothing else than just reminding him how great he could’ve been if he’d just decided to take things more seriously. Every time he’d looked into his blue eyes, the only thing he could see was the utter disappointment. It was a reminder that Oliver would never be good enough for him. And although he’d tried many times to see it differently, he started to believe it without even realizing it. And after he’d accepted it fully, it was too late for him to change it. Which was why it stunned him, when these words found their way into his ears.

“You heard me. When I was around your age, my brain was also stronger than my heart. And I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t need anyone to make me happy. That achieving my dreams was everything I needed to reach that happiness. And I continued to believe it until I met Tess.” After all those years Oliver always managed to stiffen when the name of Harry’s wife was mentioned. And it still hurt to think about her, her smile or voice. She’d been like a mother to him and he’d lost her anyway. After that she was just another name on the list of people who had caused his heart to shatter. But now Oliver could see it differently. Before, he thought he was a lost cause, that no luck was accompanying him, but now it was foolish to think this way. Because after all, Harry was still here, alive and well. And Oliver couldn’t be any happier for it.

“She became my new dream and only then I realized that even a perfect brain can’t be happy without encountering love. And when you came along, that was the day when my life became whole. And even now when Tess is gone, I don’t regret ever bumping into her, I don’t regret choosing to stay in her life and letting her stay in mine. And I definitely do not regret helping that orphanage that particular night. Because without it, I would’ve never met you and living my life without you in it… That wouldn’t be a life for me at all,” Harry claimed sincerely, smiling proudly. “That’s love. It’s home. Which means that when it’s out of your reach, you just miss it. More than you ever thought possible. And when I told you that you could conquer the world, I never said you had to do it alone.”

And suddenly everything changed. Every law and principle strongly attached to his features stopped meaning anything. Every wall around him began to crumble and every border seemed to be too small. Holding back was pointless, pretending was pointless, only letting it all out proved to be different. Risks and the utter unknown before him stopped being obstacles, they morphed into challenges, which were no longer scaring him off. And even if they were, he didn’t give a damn, because he was finally willing to overcome them. Even if fate would try to tell him that ending up broken was still a threat, he refused to listen anymore. No, this time he intended to prove the fate, God or whoever was supposed to control his life, wrong and finally take over his life fully. So that if he was destined to be happy, or heartbroken or alone, it would be caused by his doing. Because he chose it. And because he deserved more than he believed. Now it finally came out of shadows. Now it was finally clear for him.

“What should I tell him?” Oliver asked sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with clear nervousness, which make Harry only smile.

“Ask him on a date. I think that should do the trick. Just stop using your brain and let your heart decide finally. And the sooner the better. Because as you know, life is short, so I advise you to use the best of it.” After that there was no war to fight anymore. The winner survived and the loser perished. And now it was finally over.

Oliver sheepishly smiled, letting the warmth sink in and illuminate every inch of his body. Every doubt got silenced. Fear vanished. And the walls guarding his heart were finally gone. And with that he finally knew what he was going to do. So he straightened his chest and headed towards the main exit, but before he could leave completely, his feet stopped and allowed him to turn around. Before he could stop himself he wrapped his arms around Harry, expressing the never ending gratitude which he held inside his heart.

“Thank you… Dad,” Oliver silently whispered, lingering in the hug for as long as possible, enjoying every second of it. The fact he was not much of a hugger could go to hell. Holding back never made him feel so great before. He could see that now.

Harry smiled warmly and returned the kind gesture, wrapping his arms around his foster son lovingly, secretly wishing his mind would hold more precious memories as this one. But hearing that one single word coming from Oliver’s mouth was enough to cause his heart to melt. It was enough to silence every fear or doubt. Because even though he’d mostly seemed confident in everything he was doing, there were times when nothing had scared him more than being a father. But now it was clear that it could’ve gone a lot worse, but it hadn’t, because he didn’t let that happen.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered back after a moment of silence and pulled away. It was time for Oliver to move forward. “Now don’t just stand there. Run.” Oliver dedicated him one last look of gratitude along with the warmest smile his face had ever formed and headed towards the door. And he was indeed running, for the first time in his whole life, he decided that someone was finally worth running for. And he wouldn’t dare to change his mind about it.

Although he had no idea where Barry had gone, it held no meaning. His mind was completely shut and only the thought that he needed to find him at all cost was all that mattered to him. And thankfully for him, someone had the same desires.

When he managed to get outside his eyes immediately spotted a familiar car parking. And as soon as Felicity got out and saw him she made her way to him smiling the entire time.

“You’re late,” he pointed out, smirking as soon as she approached him.

“Sorry, I had to help out a friend of mine, but I think he’s good now,” she replied pursing her lips innocently. After that she turned around just in time to see Barry get out of her car. When Oliver’s eyes spotted that, the smile on his face immediately disappeared, leaving him speechless.

“You...,” Oliver began but found it impossible to finish. His thoughts were still completely shaken. But fortunately for him Felicity knew perfectly what he was trying to say.

“Like I said. You clearly don’t deserve me,” she teased, which cast a sincere smile across Oliver’s face. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve him as well. So go and don’t you dare screw up again.”

“No promises,” he smirked teasingly, but soon after that he smiled at her thankfully and turned around to make his way to the new chapter of his life. The happy one at last.

As for Barry, the brunet couldn’t be more nervous at that moment. All that determination and certainty which was accompanying him the whole way there was suddenly gone, like it had never even been there. And with each step Oliver was taking towards him, his nervousness was even escalating. But he refused to dwell on it. Fear only existed so he could overcome it. And that was exactly what he was going to do. So he took a deep breath and made his legs move again. And when they were finally close enough to each other, he refused to let the silence take over the situation. Although he had no idea what to say, he was going to try, whatever the cost.

“Hey,” he started nervously. _Smooth, very smooth, Barry,_ he thought to himself, but put those words to the back part of his brain. “Sorry for ditching you this morning.”

“That’s okay. I understand why you did it. I would probably do the same thing if I were you,” Oliver admitted carefully, with his nervousness ruling over him too, making the determination within him disappear before he could stop it.

“But that’s just it. I would never do something like that before. But because of you, I have changed and did it,” Barry admitted, fiddling with his fingers nervously. And Oliver wasn’t sure whether that was supposed to sound as a regret of if he were just fooling himself.

“And that’s a bad thing?” he asked carefully, not daring to break the eye contact he held with the brunet.

“No! It’s definitely not!” Barry exclaimed promptly and Oliver frowned at him slightly with confusion written all over his features. That was the last thing Barry needed right now. To make the blond believe that he regretted ever feeling this way. But no matter how hard he tried, his brain was still not willing to help him out with this situation. Only his heart was there to guide him. And although it was strange, it felt more like a burden than an advantage.

“It’s just that I’m not used to everything which has been happening to me recently. I’m just getting to be more and more confused these days. Your presence made sure of that.” Upon hearing those words, Oliver felt like he was going to suffocate. He finally did admit his feelings to himself and now the brunet was trying to ditch him? No, that couldn’t be right. He wasn’t willing to believe this statement. Was he going to end up heartbroken even before actually destroying the borders of their relationship? He couldn’t tell, so he just hopelessly lowered his head, trying so hard to hold it together and not break right there. But after a slight moment of silence his worries got silenced.

“God, I’m not good at these things,” Barry sighed, running a hand down his face with frustration. _But you can still do it, Barry, you have to,_ his inner voice kept telling him and for the first time he decided to listen. “You changed everything from scratch. Before I met you, I was devastated from the tragedies which have been constantly happening in my life. But then you came and they stopped holding any meaning. And I couldn’t be more happy for it,” he smiled sincerely. That caused Oliver to smash his eyes open, letting the small hope within him once again start grouping. He decided to lift his head back again to meet the brunet’s gaze, hoping that he didn’t hear it wrong. But nope, the smile on Barry’s face was the perfect proof of it.

“And you continued to astonish me, you kept enchanting my life by quite literally turning him upside down. And even though we didn’t start very smoothly, we carried on, together, and now I can’t imagine living my life without you in it. And I no longer want to, when I know it would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life,” Barry claimed truthfully, but before he could stop it, his mind once again flew over to the previous night and his smile vanished, leaving no trace it was ever there.

“I understand why you pulled away last night. And I admit that I even hated myself for kissing you. And I still think that that situation could’ve been handled better, but at the same time I can’t convince myself to lie to you or to myself anymore. I regret many things in my life, but the fact I fell for you is not amongst them, Ollie. And it never will be.” His heart was beating faster than he’d ever thought it could. His legs were shaking, body shivering, but at the same time some sort of relief was grouping inside his chest. And the feeling he finally was letting the truth out couldn’t be more satisfying.

Oliver on the other end was surely experiencing the best moment of his life. And the happiness that was spreading through his entire body couldn’t be described by any words. But he knew that he wasn’t willing to let go of it, now that he got a taste of it. That would be the worst crime of all. Everything his heart desired was just to let the truth out of his chest too, but before he could let any word out, Barry silenced him once again.

“I know that you probably don’t feel the same,” he murmured awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “I mean, why else would you pull away, right? Felicity tried to convince me that you feel the same, but I refused to believe her. I mean, why would someone like you feel this way about someone like me? It’s not possible…,” Barry continued to babble and although Oliver mostly found it cute, this time it actually shattered his heart. Because the brunet thought that he didn’t deserve Oliver when in fact it was the other way around for him. But if today had taught him something it was that they both deserved one another no matter what they thought and that only their stubbornness was holding them back. It was time to put an end to it.

“Would you go on a date with me?” he asked suddenly, silencing Barry’s nervous babbling with no subtlety at all. Although Barry had said he wasn’t good with these things, Oliver was even worse. He tried to come up with a perfect way how to start his confession, but no ideas were willing to appear on his table. And this simple sentence did the trick.

As soon as the words found their way into Barry’s ears, his mouth lost its ability to function again. He looked into Oliver’s piercing blue eyes, but instead of making sure that he heard it right, he only got astray once again. And although there was nothing wrong with his hearing, he needed to be certain, that Oliver really said what he heard.

“What did you say?” he asked stupidly, but Oliver only chuckled slightly, hinting on the fact he was more than willing to repeat those words again and again and again, for as long as the brunet would need to hear them.

“Would you go out on a date with me?” Oliver repeated the question more slowly this time, but that still didn’t put Barry’s mind at ease. His paranoid-self kept convincing him the possibility of Oliver feeling the same was smaller than a fly.

“But… that’s not… how is that possible?” Barry asked, struggling with expressing what he was really experiencing. And Oliver knew he needed to explain it the best way possible. Barry deserved nothing less.

“How is it possible that I fell for you too? The same way you did. Without even noticing it.”

“Then why did you break that kiss last night?” Barry asked, frowning with frustration.

“Because I was being blind and I couldn’t admit my feelings to you while I wasn’t ready to admit them to myself yet. I let my brain handle the situation as always instead of relying on my heart. But now I see it differently,” Oliver explained and take one step closer to the brunet, who didn’t back down.

“What changed your mind?” Barry asked, slowly letting the happiness sink in.

“I realized that if I wanted to be truly happy, the only way how to do that would be making my dreams come true. And there were times when I thought I could accomplish that by only working on the more and more projects. But someone told me that life is not supposed to be just about responsibilities and holding back. It’s also about taking risks and accepting the fact I can’t live it without love. Now I might be the biggest dick in Central you’ve ever met,” Oliver remarked and Barry chuckled slightly. “But I do have a heart. You showed me that and I can no longer deny it. I’ve learned that although my brain can have countless number of dreams and desires, the true ones come straight from the heart. Which is why the ones from my brain can no longer satisfy me. They lost their meaning when you came along. You became my new dream, Barry,” Oliver smiled warmly and made yet another small step towards the brunet. He silently reached out for his hand and squeezed it tightly, not willing to let go.

“Nothing can change that. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it come true,” he finished at last and let the relief sink in. He could finally breathe properly again and the feeling couldn’t be bested by anything. So he let go of anything that might be holding him back, leaned in and closed the distance between them, connecting their lips with a tender kiss. His arms wrapped around the brunet tightly, not willing to leave him be now, but Barry wouldn’t dare to do anything like that. He kissed him back right away, but he remembered that this was how they had actually gotten into this mess at first place. And his paranoia thoughts were still strongly ruling over him, so he pulled away, surprising the blond more than ever before.

“What’s wrong?” Oliver asked right away, using the exact same words, which Barry had used, on purpose.

“Nothing is wrong. It’s just that… are you sure this is what you want? Because if you don’t think you can handle it, then we shouldn’t...,” Barry once again started babbling.

“Barry Allen, are you seriously doubting me?” Oliver asked, with his arms still wrapped around the brunet, raising one of his eyebrows challengingly.

“I wouldn’t dare, Mr. Queen, but after everything we’ve both been through I just want to make sure you’re exactly where you want to be,” Barry smiled awkwardly, still lingering in the embrace regardless.

“Honestly, I’m not sure about anything. Whether this might work, what the future holds for us or if this is ever going to get easier. I can’t be sure about anything when it comes to you. And there were times when the constant uncertainty made me unnerved, but with you I’m willing to take all the risks which life has prepared for me. With you I like the idea of being surprised. And right now, even though it took me a while to figure this out, I want this, I want you to keep appearing in my life. I want you to stay in my life. That I’m sure of. So is that good enough for you?” Oliver asked, lingering in the sight of Barry’s beautiful hazel green eyes before him.

“That’s all I need,” Barry gladly nodded, but before Oliver could kiss him again, one last thought came into his mind. “Wait!”

“What now?” Oliver whined, slightly annoyed that Barry was constantly ruining the moment.

“How are we going to tell our dads?” Barry asked seriously and Oliver had to hold back a laugh from coming to the surface. Was this really what was going through his mind while they were supposed to have a moment?

“With a style,” he smirked teasingly.

“So you’re not worried about what Wells might say?” Barry asked, raising one of his eyebrows. _Oh, Barry, if only you knew_ , Oliver thought to himself, but retained his serious look.

“Pretty sure he already knows and is right now watching us through the windows with Felicity,” Oliver pointed out, getting some inches of his common sense back.

“Really? How would you know?”

“You talk too much, Barry,” Oliver growled slightly, letting go of the brunet, because the moment was definitely ruined. However, Barry refused to leave him be so easily. A huge smirk grew on Oliver’s face as soon as he tried to pull away from the embrace and Barry dragged him in again, not willing to let go of the blond’s hand.

“But what about Joe? He’s not exactly your biggest fan right now? And my Dad has no idea. He needs to know about us too,” Barry persisted, curving his lips nervously. _Really, Barry, if only you knew._

“We’ll deal with it, together, like we always do,” Oliver smiled confidently. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

“Right, sorry, but I can’t stop babbling when I’m excited,” Barry awkwardly blushed.

“Figured as much,” Oliver whispered roughly and finally silenced the brunet by once again connecting their lips by even more tender kiss. And although it wasn’t even close to being as much passionate as their first one, this one held much bigger meaning to both of them. Because it was the proof they both yearned for it, that they’d learned how to fall in love again, that their souls were never meant to be alone on this precarious world. That it didn’t matter what the life had prepared for them, they were willing to take it, together as one. That the love they held for one another was stronger than anything they’ve ever encountered. And that they were both happy like this. Finally after such a long time.

And as for Oliver, the light in his brain, which had been showing him the right way out of his dark maze, was now stronger than ever. Finally he decided to follow it and with each taken step, the light shone stronger and brighter. And before he realized it, he was already out, flying like the never stopping arrow he’d been born to be.

And when they pulled away and pressed their foreheads against each other, the warmth within them didn’t vanish. It stayed there, exactly where they wanted it. And neither of them was willing to let go of this incredibly soothing feeling growing in their chests, because it meant everything. It meant home. And there was no way they would want to live their lives without it.

“I could get used to this,” Barry smiled warmly when he managed to catch his breath.

“You better,” Oliver teased and after that they both headed inside with their fingers entangled like it was the most natural thing for them to do. 

* * *

 

“Ooh, you see I knew that they were in love with each other,” Cisco triumphantly exclaimed when only one of his eyes slightly flew over to look through the window. “I mean, I wasn’t sure about Oliver, but I definitely had my suspicions.”

“You can keep saying that to yourself for as long as you like, but when it comes to who knew it all along, me and Doctor Wells nailed it,” Felicity smirked and high-fived with Harry.

“Guys, don’t you think they deserve some privacy?” Caitlin asked, shrugging.

“They are making out in front of STAR Labs. Even if we weren’t watching, you bet someone else would,” Harry pointed out.

“Man, but I still hope they aren’t gonna do these things here, because that would be just… wrong,” Cisco claimed, horrified.

“They are both grown-up men and in love. I think they have every right to do what they want,” Caitlin protested, shifting her weight and shooting the long-haired brunet a judgmental look.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I should see it,” Cisco murmured, wincing slightly at the thought. But then hearing Felicity’s pressing voice shoved all those thoughts away.

“Oh god, they are coming back. Everyone, act natural!” Felicity commanded and they all returned to work places in quick motion so no one would have any suspicions. And when  Oliver and Barry appeared, everyone stayed silent, pretending like nothing interesting was happening. However, both Barry and Oliver were fully aware of the played show before them.

“Is there some reason for all of you being in the same place right now?” Barry asked with clear provocation in his voice. And Oliver only smiled at the realization. After all, they rarely had been working in the same part of lab. Everyone had their own places to be and even when they crossed their paths, putting together the whole team was happening only when they needed to discuss something. And this before them didn’t seem like that was the case.

“We’re working, unlike you,” Harry stated firmly, even though he couldn’t be more thrilled to see Oliver so happy. The blond however wanted to carry on with his game. So he raised one of his eyebrows, eying his lab mates suspiciously and after a few seconds he came closer to Cisco.

“Is everything alright, Cisco? You seem a little off the edge,” he smirked devilishly using the exact same words as the man before him this morning.

“Yeah, like you care,” Cisco snorted nervously, avoiding making an eye contact with the blond.

“I do, so you can tell me,” Barry beamed, siding with the blond.

“And after all, you made me open up today. It’s only fair for you to do the same, isn’t it?” Oliver wondered, cocking his head to one side.

“But Doctor Wells already told you. We’re working. We certainly weren’t watching you two make out if that’s what you’re asking,” Cisco replied quickly before he could stop himself. It was only when the rest of their team glared at him that it struck him. However, neither Oliver nor Barry lost that annoying smirks on their faces.

“It wasn’t, but thank you for telling me. Don’t you feel better now when you don’t have anything to hide from me?” Oliver asked, squeezing Cisco’s shoulder and carrying on messing with him.

“Can’t you just stop being a dick for a few moments? Like would it really kill you if you tried?” Cisco asked, narrowing his eyes at the man before him.

“Why don’t you get a haircut and then maybe we can talk about it,” Oliver shot right back.

“I think you’re just mad because my conditioner game is on point,” Cisco joked, putting his naughty hair behind his ear.

“No, I’m mad because I can’t understand how it is possible, that you and Caitlin can work here with your hair loosened. Like how is it possible that it doesn’t bother you while you’re working? At least Felicity actually realizes how pathetic that is,” Oliver pointed out, tactless.

“Why are you bringing me into this? I didn’t do anything to you,” Caitlin protested and came closer to them, frowning at the blond. And from Barry’s perspective this was slowly turning from a harmless game to a war field, so he decided to put a stop to it before the consequences would become permanent.

“Ollie, please, not today,” he whispered silently into Oliver’s ear and gave him a pleading look which the blond understood right away. _I’m experiencing one of the best days of my life right now. So please stop trying to ruin it._ Oliver just smiled at him with amusement.

“You’re no fun,” Oliver said back, rolling his eyes, but right after that he let go of this spat and regained his more serious look.

“Okay, Cisco, you’re right. Though it actually hurts me to admit it, you did help me today. Thank you,” Oliver said sincerely and gave the man before him a smile. And even though Oliver wasn’t good with those things, the fact Barry squeezed his hand lovingly put his mind at ease.

“See? Wasn’t so hard, was it? You’re welcome,” Cisco triumphantly smiled, which caused Oliver once again to roll his eyes. And after that they all admitted that some work needed to be done after all. So they parted ways, except for Oliver and Barry who could now barely spend some time without the other one being near. And although Oliver was trying so much to suppress the stupid smile which was constantly ruling over his face, everyone noticed it. And for them it was like seeing a solar eclipse – it was something you didn’t see every day. But for Harry and Felicity nothing could best that feeling. They were really glad, that Oliver found a reason to smile. Because it was a perfect proof of the fact that even something so broken could be fixed, that even a shattered heart could be whole again. And more importantly even with scars decorating it, it could still function properly.

However, even though they were doing everything they could, the AI was completely finished only when it was already dark outside. Which meant that the time for turning it on was already up, unfortunately.

“Okay, guys, I know that we wanted to turn the AI today, but seems like the luck is not on our side,” Harry announced when they gathered.

“I still don’t understand why we can’t turn it on now,” Cisco pointed out, curling his lips.

“Because someone would actually have to stay here and take care of her so she wouldn’t do any damage. And I imagine no one wants to spend their night here,” Harry explained, but soon after the realization struck him, he turned his head towards Oliver and hissed at him slightly. “Don’t even think about.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Oliver innocently protested.

“But you thought something and that is more than enough in your case. So kindly let go of that thought, which I know is on your mind right now. Same for you, Barry,” Harry stated firmly with a commanding voice.

“Come on, Doctor Wells, have some faith in us,” Barry encouraged him with a smirk. “You know we wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.”

“You know, Barry, since you and Oliver are so close now, I recommend you to watch your mouth more, because you don’t want to get on my bad side,” Harry replied, smirking with a little threatening voice.

“With Joe as my foster dad and Oliver as my boyfriend, I actually believe you don’t want to get on my bad side either,” Barry shot back, cocking his head to one side, which caused Oliver to smile. _Boyfriend? I guess so,_ Barry thought to himself silently with yet another warm smile occupying his face. It was still hard for him to believe that this was actually happening. That he finally had a reason to wake up from his peaceful sleep at night, that he had reason to once again look forward to the upcoming days. That living was no longer just about surviving every minute of every day, it was about enjoying it. But it was like it was and he couldn’t be more thrilled about it.

“You two are quite a match indeed,” Harry snorted, annoyed. “But I mean it. Go home and celebrate or do whatever you want. Just don’t stay here.” And after that Wells took his stuff and left, with Caitlin, Felicity and Cisco following. At the end only Oliver and Barry stayed there.

“We are not actually going home, are we?” Barry asked after a little moment of silence.

“Nope, we’re gonna stay here and turn Gideon on. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of waiting,” Oliver claimed and came closer to the nerve center. Barry followed him without any hesitation and once again entangled their fingers together.

“Right behind you,” he reassured the blond and after that they both placed their hands on the control lever before them. Together they looked the other one while taking a deep steady breath.

“Ready, Ollie?” Barry asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“Ready, Barr,” Oliver firmly replied, giving him a smile. After that they slowly pulled the lever and Gideon was finally online.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they did it. They confessed at last. And sorry if it was cliché or if the characters were OOC, but I’m a romantic soul and I got carried away. That happens so don’t judge me XD :P. But I still hope you liked it at least in some small measures. If you didn't... well... sorry XD.


	19. One step forward, two steps back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just want to set some things straight," Harry claimed and moved to his computer, typing something in quick motion and as soon as he found what he was looking for, he turned the screen towards Barry and returned his gaze on the brunet as well. "Have you heard about Mercury Labs?" Barry swallowed hard, looked on the showed article on Harry's computer, but refused to say anything. This fact had completely slipped through his mind.  
> "I take that as a yes. As you can see they extended their territory and now when they moved in to Starling city, we can't ignore them. And I've also heard that you asked for a job there. Care to explain to me what’s that about?" Harry wondered, crossing his arms over his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone who hasn’t made an appearance for some time in this story, is going to appear in this chapter, so be prepared and when you find out, don’t forget to show me your love for creating this “amazing” change of a plot XD.

This was meant to be a peaceful morning, when Harry would simply wake up and go to STAR Labs without any rush. Not worried a bit about anything. And at the beginning, it was exactly like that. He woke up at the same time as always, he ate his breakfast in peace, drank his coffee and still everything seemed okay. It was only after that when he heard his phone ringing and reached for it that the whole day turned around completely.

“Yeah?” he asked as soon as he pressed the phone to his ear.

“I think you should get to STAR Labs, like right now, Doctor Wells,” he heard Felicity’s voice.

“What happened?”

“You should see for yourself. You won’t believe me if I tell you,” Felicity nervously replied.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” Harry sighed and hung up the phone, leaving the place afterwards. And on his way there he couldn’t help but scoff at what Felicity might’ve meant by that call. The hint of irritation in her voice was hardly something a regular person would miss. But the fact they were finally gonna finish the project today was something which had been putting everything else to the back of his head. And with that believing that nothing could be so life-threatening that it would actually ruin this day for him, was no trouble for him. 

* * *

 

However, he did learn his lesson as soon as the STAR Labs appeared in his sight. Even from afar he could clearly see people gathered before the main entrance, quickly losing the already small amount of patience they had. Why that was happening was beyond his understanding and when he got closer and noticed, that all the people were actually scientists of STAR Labs, his confusion even escalated. But he quickly searched the crowd to find the familiar faces, which he had been endowed to see every day, hoping that everything was not as messed up as it seemed at first.

"What the hell is happening?" Harry asked with a clear irritation accompanying him when he approached his teammates.

"We can't get inside. The door doesn't want to open," Caitlin claimed, worried.

"We've already used every entrance code we know. And Cisco is right now trying to override the system,” Felicity added, annoyed by the fact Cisco hadn’t let her try it herself. He’d insisted he would take care of it and considering they were still outside, he wasn’t doing very well. But he still stubbornly denied her help and just kept trying.

"Without any success, I presume. Oliver locked them thoroughly and made sure no one during night and in the morning would get in without a passcode. It's been working for a couple of years so why stop now?" Harry nervously snorted at the sight of furious workers of STAR Labs eyeing him. And some of them in the worst way possible.

"Speaking of, where is Oliver? And Barry?" Caitlin asked and a second after that Felicity and Wells looked at each other as the realization struck them.

"You don't think...?" Felicity asked, afraid to finish that sentence. But of course it was true. Oliver would never learn. And now he had an ally. And they were both in great trouble.

"I think that considering the circumstances it's too much to hope for that they were just too lazy to get up from the bed," Harry snorted and rubbed his eyes, tired of Oliver's games. Why couldn't he listen just for once? Would it really kill him? Now it seemed like Harry was the one who was going to kill him for once again screwing with him. Although Harry wasn’t known for losing his temper easily, sometimes when he wasn’t having good days, he was like a nuclear bomb. During times like these, all that was needed was just one little spark and he would detonate without anything holding him back. And this day seemed like his lucky one if he let himself lose control.

But on the other hand, at least now he was more motivated to get inside and have a nice talk with that moron. Because that was how they functioned these days. They talked every day. And as much as it was true, that before, Harry could only dream about this closure between them, gaining even more grey hair was definitely something that wasn’t on his wishlist.

And the fact, that Oliver now had a new partner in crime didn’t help him either. He remembered times when Barry would’ve still been on his side when it came to arguments with the blond. And although he was thrilled for their happiness, the fact they both had been constantly searching for new ways on how to annoy him didn’t slip through his mind, and it was getting on his nerves. And something was telling him that now it was all just going to get even worse.

So he snorted, irritated and reached for his phone and dialed his foster son's number, really looking forward to his conversation with Oliver. And when he thought about how well this day had started, he couldn't help and just weakly smile at his naivety. His days were never going to get any better. However, deep inside he knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. Because even this endless annoyance seemed like a better option, when it was compared to miserable boredom. 

* * *

 

When Oliver woke up, he wasn't finally alone, which was a pleasing change in his life. And when he realized that they had fallen asleep on a couch in STAR Labs and the brunet was still asleep with his head pressed against his chest, his smile didn't vanish. It became even wider and warmer. And he would lie if he said that he didn't let himself linger in the sight before him. Watching the brunet so peacefully asleep was a salvation for his eyes. Listening to his steady breathing felt incredibly soothing like he didn't have to worry about anything anymore. All that was happening just because Barry was there with him. And the fact neither of them knew of a better place to be did wonders to him. It made shaking off the stupid smile on his face enormously difficult and slowing his heartbeat also proved to be a dead end. His heart was beating so loudly, that Oliver actually started being worried that the brunet would hear it and wake up. And in that moment the blond couldn’t think of a worse crime than breaking the peaceful sleep his lover was having. After all they’ve been through, retaining calmness was no longer an easy task, but every time one of them had accomplished it, seeing it felt so amazing that nothing could best it for either of them. Because they both had it in them, it was printed into their genetic code as much as into their souls. And this statement had always been true. Even when they’d let themselves get lost along the way to reaching it, in the end they always did find a way back to their peace, like now. And they were going to be okay. He truly believed it.

Although Oliver refused to move anywhere, it didn't take long until Barry started to shift. And when his tired eyes opened and looked at his living pillow, he couldn't help but let a genuine smile settle on his sleepy face.

"Hey," he spoke up sheepishly.

"Hey, how did you sleep?" Oliver softly asked.

"Surprisingly okay," Barry remarked and yawned. "Sorry for suffocating you the whole night. I know you're not a fan of cuddling." Wasn't he? It was surely something he was trying to convince of himself and others as well. Because when it came to cuddling or hugging in general, he really did his best to avoid it. Why? Because that was what losing people had done to him. It had caused the fear of getting too close to overwhelm him. And since then, it had been difficult for him to trust someone so much, that he would actually feel the need to hug them. There had been some exceptions, but he’d never stopped being worried that someday those people would leave too. Either by dying or literally leaving him. And every time this happened, it didn’t get any easier. While the pain was still strong, the same couldn’t be said about his soul.

But he was still a fighter, willing to do anything to keep going. And the people close to him had always managed to keep him in bay. They’d always reminded him that there was a way even for him. However, that didn’t help when it came to hugging. Even when he'd lived with Harry, neither of them had the desire to cuddle. He'd done it only with Tess and then she'd died, which had scarred his heart even more.

Since then there hadn't been any real opportunities. Such closure with Felicity wasn't exactly unpleasant, but he couldn't say he sought it. It was like when she needed a hug he provided it even if unwillingly. But with Barry it was once again different. With him, Oliver felt like no matter what he did, he would never find a feeling so soothing, so beautiful and so amazing, that it would best how he felt right now. It just wasn't possible. With Barry by his side he felt like he didn’t have to hold back anymore, like there was no need for him to pretend anything. He felt free and complete in the most beautiful ways possible. So maybe he really did change. Or maybe him keeping from physical contact was just another law which stopped having any meaning when Barry had showed up.

"I’ve survived worst,” Oliver smiled sincerely.

"For how long have you been watching me sleep exactly?" Barry wondered, shooting him a curious gaze.

"Not for as long as I would actually like," Oliver lovingly admitted, locking their eyes. But before Barry could say something back, Oliver's phone started ringing which immediately ruined the moment.

"Guess reality is kicking back," the blond sadly claimed.

"Can't you just let it ring and stay here?" Barry asked with pleading eyes.

"No if I want to live, because I think we both know who is calling me right now."

"They rooted for us to happen and now they can't leave us alone? Typical," Barry whined as the blond under him started moving. He reluctantly got up and let him take the call, feeling annoyed that this moment was so short.

"Yeah?... Wait, what happened exactly?" he heard Oliver ask and before Barry could question it, the blond walked away without saying anything. Barry followed him at once finding it hard to keep up. So something bad had had to happen. And when he finally caught up with him the blond was looking through the nearest window. However, during all this time Barry had learned to spot some inches of emotions in his boyfriend, which would almost everyone else miss. Although the blond was trying to maintain his serious look, there was a small piece of amusement hidden in his features. And it was there only for Barry to see.

"Yeah, I see it… I know, I know and I’m sorry. But don’t worry. I'll handle it," Oliver replied, hiding a small smile settling on his face and hung up. Now Barry finally come out of the shadows and joined him near the window.

"What's happening?" he asked under a total shock when he saw the people in front of the building.

"That's a wonderful question, isn't it, Gideon?"

"I’m sorry, but I failed to understand how this particular question could be any different from the ones you asked me last night," Gideon replied nonchalantly, which left the brunet completely speechless.

"Wait, we woke up Gideon?" Barry asked, widening his eyes.

"Yes, Barry. You and Oliver woke me up yesterday at 8:36 PM and as a result of it, my systems came online and I began functioning. Perhaps the term which you used yesterday would be more adequate. In your language, ‘I was born’."

"If you didn’t remember this, then why did you think we were here?" Oliver asked, raising his eyebrows, shooting him a questioning gaze.

"No, I remember. It just took me longer to recall it. That's all," Barry sheepishly replied, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Okay, but that still doesn't explain what is happening outside," Oliver snorted, frustrated.

"When you turned me online, I didn’t know what was happening around me. You may say, I was confused and I needed help. You provided that. With your eidetic memory remembering this should not be a problem,” Gideon explained.

“Of course I remember. I just don’t understand why no one can get inside,” Oliver stated, slowly losing his patience.

“You told me last night, that I couldn’t let people get inside, so that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t mean it like this. The people who work here, who have a passcode are allowed to enter and now when you denied them that we are in a huge trouble. I mean, we were in trouble before, but now we’re in a double trouble, I guess,” Barry nervously pointed out.

“I beg your pardon! Causing you problems was not my intention,” Gideon said, meaning every word.

“It’s okay. Just let them get inside,” Oliver commanded forgivingly.

“At once,” Gideon finished and logged out while the men watched as the people outside headed towards the entrance.

“What now?” Barry asked nervously after a second of silence.

“We’re gonna face the consequences of our _double trouble_ ,” Oliver quoted the man beside him with a smirk.

“Oh, in that case, we’re screwed,” Barry claimed, scratching the back of his neck.

“Come on, what’s the worst he can do? Fire us? According to what I remember, that didn’t work out for him before, so why should it work now?” Oliver pointed out, smiling confidently and before Barry could protest, they started hearing quick footsteps approaching them and when Harry spotted them, he immediately made his way to them, infuriated.

“We need to talk,” he spat out coldly.

“Okay, but just the two of us. Barry had nothing to do with this. It was my idea,” Oliver seriously admitted, keeping the eye contact with his foster dad still.

“Wait, what?! That’s crap and you know it,” Barry protested, turning around to face his boyfriend and pointing with his finger at him. “What happened with us facing the consequences of our double trouble?”

“Oh, don’t you worry, Barry, you’re on my list too today, so we’ll talk regardless of what this idiot has to say. But for now, you’re free to go,” Harry claimed, taking a step forward to his foster son. “And you, dear Oliver, are coming with me.” After that Wells swiftly spun around and headed to a different part of the lab. Oliver rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed him, leaving Barry and other members of his team alone. 

* * *

 

"What have I done to you to deserve this? Why can't you listen to me at least for once?" Harry asked crossing arms over his chest, when they were finally alone.

"You know me - me and patience don't fit together," Oliver smirked devilishly.

"I believe that could be said before about you and your boyfriend and look where we are now,” Harry remarked, shooting him an unimpressed look.

"You're not gonna leave this be? I've already told you I'm sorry," Oliver sighed, running a hand through his hair, annoyed.

"I know and just like before I don't give a damn because I know you don’t feel sorry for it at all," Harry replied with a mocking smile.

"If I may intervene, me coming online sooner than was planned did not cause any significant changes or problems. Other than the fact I refused to let you in," Gideon contributed.

"That's cute that you don't consider that as a problem at all,” Harry sneered, throwing his hands around.

"No physical or mental damage on that matter was done on any of STAR Labs workers. You can blame me, but you should not blame my dad." At those words Harry almost choked on and Oliver just slowly closed his eyes with a clear frustration accompanying him.

"Did she just call you 'dad'?" Harry asked with a slight amusement in his voice.

"Yes." "No!" Oliver said simultaneously with the AI and sighed even more deeply.

"Come on, Oliver. You know you shouldn't be lying in front of your children. You'll teach them your bad manners. And no one wants that," Harry smirked mockingly.

"No one here is actually an angel so don't say I’m the only one who has some bad manners. And besides this is all on Barry. He gave Gideon the idea of calling me dad."

"Precisely. And then when I told Oliver, he insisted I would do the same with Barry. Because according to my reasons, he deserves this title as well. Oliver stated: ´If I'm the dad, he is one as well.'"

"Of course he did," Harry agreed and smirked on the highest level possible turning his head towards his foster son.

"You're not helping, Gideon,” Oliver hissed, running a hand down his face with frustration.

"Don't be like that to your daughter, Oliver. How do you want to be the father of the year when you're so mean to her?" Harry asked seriously, stifling his chuckle.

"I hate you,” the blond glared at him.

"Glad our feelings are mutual, then.

"May I ask something? Is your behavior towards each other normal? The fact I have two fathers is completely new for me. Amongst other things of course. But perhaps learning from someone directly would be better for me than relying on my usual sources,” Gideon commented.

"We're special, aren't we, Oliver?" Harry noted, cocking his head to one side.

"In that case, I'm going to find as much information on this as I can. But I would like to ask for an assistance in understanding it."

"Whenever you need me, Gideon, I'll help you on this fatherly matter," Harry smirked and Oliver gave him the deadliest glare he could.

"Why are you siding with him? Are you forgetting the fact that you’re here thanks to me?" Oliver asked, throwing his arms around hopelessly.

"Because you're an idiot and she realizes that. You created something which is smarter than you. Well done, my son," Harry replied, clapping his hands sarcastically.

"That is not true, Doctor Wells. Creating an AI is not an easy task and an 'idiot' could hardly accomplish it. However, Dad did spend the needed time here, working on me. Calling him an idiot is not logically equivalent," Gideon nonchalantly explained.

"Yeah, she is definitely siding with you," Harry snorted. "Daddy's girl, right?"

"You’re the worst dad ever," Oliver spat out, annoyed.

"You're so mean. Maybe you need my guidance on this father-daughter matter as well. I'm happy to help you with that," Harry shot back jokingly.

"That is an excellent idea indeed. Considering Dad is not so skilled in being a father, your help could really help him," Gideon followed and Oliver was slowly dying of embarrassment. Thankfully someone came back to save him. When his eyes spotted Caitlin coming with Barry he literally couldn't be more grateful for them intervening. Though he still kept his cold posture, so Harry wouldn't use even more things against him. Fortunately for him, both Caitlin and Barry noticed how desperate he was even from afar and their golden hearts wouldn't let him suffer longer than was needed.

"I think Cisco needs your help with something, Doctor Wells," Caitlin announced, when she joined the conversation.

"Why can't you help him?" Harry spat out on her, tactlessly.

"Why can't you help him?" Oliver followed, cocking his head to one side.

"Because I'm here talking with my son and my brand-new granddaughter, and with my future son-in-law joining the conversation too, do you really think I want to leave right now?" Harry asked, throwing his arms around. "When I think about it now, my life has changed in so many ways during one night. World is strange, isn't it?"

"Not at all. You're just very weird," Barry remarked, smirking.

"If I were you, Doctor Wells, I would really reconsider wanting Barry as my son-in-law," Caitlin giggled with Oliver joining in.

"And besides, don't you think you're taking this all too quickly?" the blond asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"You're right. I should probably at least wait till me and Barry have a nice chit-chat about you two," Harry pointed out, which immediately startled Barry.

"Is that really necessary? I mean, does he really need to go through this, when literally everyone knows you're okay with us?" Oliver sighed, annoyed.

"Oh, you think this is bad? Then you'll be super happy when I tell you that you will have to go through such serious talk twice," Harry remarked, smirking.

"Isn't it a little too soon to talk about these things? After all, we've started dating only yesterday," Barry remarked, trying to save his boyfriend from the attack.

"Oh, please, everyone knows that you've been dating for a longer time. Or do you really consider sleeping in the same bed every night as something platonic?" Harry asked, lifting one of his eyebrows. Those words caused multiple reactions. Barry almost choked of the shock, Caitlin giggled silently and the worst was expected on Oliver's end as the irritating heat came into his head, not willing to leave him alone. And Barry would swear that he'd never seen him blushing so much before.

"How did you know?" Barry asked, still trying to get a hold of his common sense, but still proving to be more successful than the blond.

"I had my suspicions, but now your reactions proved me right. And besides, Oliver's nightmares have been causing trouble for longer than you realize, Barry, so they had to have some reason to leave him be now. And I figured that you in the next room would never do the magic," Harry claimed triumphantly.

"And you know this how, Caitlin?" Barry asked, crossing his arms over his chest, starting to be annoyed.

"I noticed that Oliver started blushing more and when I confronted Doctor Wells about it, he told me what was the trick," Caitlin smiled innocently, pursing her lips. "But don't worry only the two of us know. Cisco and Felicity have no idea unless they figured it out on their own."

"You better hope that isn't the case," Oliver growled at Harry, finally returning to his natural color.

"You better hope that Joe will give you a chance," Harry shot back.

"Can't you just talk to him? You're his friend after all," Oliver remarked.

"Not with that attitude for sure. And besides you're way more pampered than you should be, so all I can do is wish you luck. After all, Barry is worth the trouble, isn't he?" Harry asked with a little wink.

"I have no doubt now that the trophy for the worst father ever is going to be yours this year," Oliver snorted, tired.

"I wouldn't be so sure about it. You're a huge rival for me now," Harry smirked, heading towards the exit.

“That’s it? You’re just gonna walk away? Just like that?” Oliver wondered, utterly confused that no punishment was coming to get him.

“I guess, I’m going soft,” Harry hypothesized, turning around once more to face them.

“Or maybe you’re just getting old,” Oliver shot back.

“Don’t push it, Oliver, or you might really regret it,” Harry glared at him and when Oliver smiled at him, he was ready to leave. But before that could happen he eyed the brunet carefully. “A word, Barry.” After that he didn’t wait for any answer, he just headed out.

"Sure," Barry confusedly nodded but followed quickly so he would keep up, leaving Oliver and Caitlin alone. And it didn’t take long until the blond was once again alone with only Gideon there to accompany him. And although normally he would be perfectly capable of focusing on his work, now he found it impossible to do so. But could someone really blame him when all that was going through his mind was Barry and how truly happy he finally was? It was no secret that people could hate him for many things, but this one thing wasn’t amongst them. It was no crime, it was one of the most beautiful things he’d experienced and now when he’d gotten a taste of it, he was really determined to never let go of that. 

* * *

 

Barry was confused when Wells led him to his place. Because the thought of having them that conversation felt really ridiculous. And at the same time he was terrified, because Joe wasn't as much okay with this as Wells was. He didn't like Oliver, but Barry wanted to believe that that could be changed with right words and enough time. And if not, Barry would keep trying until he would break the older man. Oliver was worth the trouble after all.

"What happened to you?" Harry asked, startling the younger man.

"What do you mean?" Barry shot right back with a confused stare.

"I remember the day when you were so nice and polite. You admired me and encouraged me. Where did that amazing kid go?" Harry wondered, waving his hands in slight exasperation.

"I guess someone must have spoiled me," Barry breathed, letting a small smirk settle on his face.

"Of course he did. He wouldn't date such an angel now, would he?"

"No, he just wouldn't date someone who was on your side," Barry chirped, pursing his lips innocently.

"You would be surprised how many times was Sara actually on my side," Harry protested.

"And they broke up, didn't they?" Barry dodged smirking on the highest level possible.

"You're really spoiled, Barry."

"But the question is - who spoiled Oliver?" Barry replied, smiling at the fact he'd finally learned to beat Harry in his own game.

"I'm really starting to regret ever wanting you two to get together, but that's hardly the reason I need to speak with you."

"I’m in trouble?" Barry frowned, expecting that if Wells hadn’t punished Oliver, there was no reason for him to punish Barry. Or was there?

"I just want to set some things straight," Harry claimed and moved to his computer, typing something in quick motion and as soon as he found what he was looking for, he turned the screen towards Barry and returned his gaze on the brunet as well. "Have you heard about Mercury Labs?" Barry swallowed hard, looked on the showed article on Harry's computer, but refused to say anything. This fact had completely slipped through his mind.

"I take that as a yes. As you can see they extended their territory and now when they moved in to Starling city, we can't ignore them. And I've also heard that you asked for a job there. Care to explain to me what’s that about?" Harry wondered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's nothing!" Barry promptly replied, breaking the compulsion which was keeping him from getting back to reality. However, that brought him only an unimpressed look from the older man before him.

"Okay," Barry sighed deeply. "I admit that I did ask for a job there, but that was months ago when I left STAR Labs. I needed some job and I thought I would never come back here," Barry nervously replied, rubbing the back of his neck. His knees were shaking of the guilt which was coming to get him. Now he couldn't help but feel stupid for his doings. And now the only thing he could do was hope that Wells was not going to fire him now. Fortunately for Barry that was hardly Harry's intention.

"Relax, Barry. I'm not mad at you. I understand why you did it. I'm not the one you should be explaining yourself to. All I want is just to make sure you're not interested anymore, are you?"

"No, definitely not. But how did you find out about this?"

"That isn't important right now. What matters is what we'll do about it. Because you do realize that one day they are gonna call you, right?" Harry remarked, scratching his head.

"You really believe that? Because it's been a few months and nothing happened," Barry pointed out, shooting the man before him an unimpressed look.

"Yeah, but things have changed, Barry. The first AI was created and you were one of the few people who built it. If that doesn't impress them, I doubt that something can."

"Then I’ll turn them down. End of the story.”

"Or we can use this to our advantage," Harry protested.

"You mean use me to your advantage?" Barry snorted, crossing arms over his chest and cocking his head to one side.

"Bullshit. Definitely not... maybe," Harry admitted innocently, his face aimed at the ground.

"I'll never understand how anyone can tolerate you," Barry sighed, annoyed. "Especially Joe."

"I'll tell you some time when you explain to me why you tolerate Oliver,” Harry shot back, smirking.

"Simple. Unlike you, he is actually nice to me," Barry scoffed, mockingly.

"Oh for God's sake, all I ask is that you will go to Mercury Labs in Starling City and just look around and find out what they are working on. Do I want so much?" Harry asked, irritated beyond measures.

"So you want me to spy for you?" Barry wondered, raising one of his eyebrows.

"That is a strong word. I just want you to go there and observe them in secret."

"Yeah, I think that’s the perfect definition for spying. And I'm not okay with that, by the way, if you’re even interested in hearing my opinion,” Barry huffed with a rage slowly grouping within him.

"Why not? Starling is not even that far."

"When you have to spend hours stuck in a train, it's far from being comfortable. And besides how are you gonna explain it to others when they ask where I am?"

"With a sufficient lie everything is possible."

"Oh yeah? And don't you think you're forgetting something? Because I doubt that your sufficient lie can convince everyone."

"He would understand. He isn't stupid and if not then I guess you'll find a nice way how to explain it to him."

"So you basically want me to do all the dirty work? Spy on Mercury Labs, talk with Oliver. Like I'm some sort of henchman? What's wrong with you? Isn't the fact STAR Labs has built an AI enough for you? Do you really need to play this game when they are no threat to you?"

"You know what, you're right. I shouldn't have brought this up. Just forget I said anything,” Harry apologized, trying to shake off the subject. But unfortunately for him, Barry couldn’t let his slide so easily.

"I just don't get it, Doctor Wells. You own one of the most successful companies in the United States. You have no problem with money. And you have a family. People here loves you, your son loves you. Why do you want to ruin that? Why do you want more?" Barry asked but no answer escaped Harry's mouth. Before, it had always been full of words. He'd always had something to say, but now his mouth felt dry and the feeling growing inside him wasn't making it easier for him either. Barry was clearly disappointed in him and that meant something. Knowing that the brunet had admired him for the better part of his life and he'd let him down wasn't anywhere being pleasant. It was a sign that he once again let things go too far, he'd let his mind go too far. But even though he wanted to take it all back and say something right for a change, no words managed to escape his mouth. And when Barry lost his patience to wait for them, he left without saying anything, leaving the older man alone with his thoughts. 

* * *

 

Meanwhile Oliver was still in his place, when someone else decided to honor him of their presence.

"You will never change, will you?" Felicity asked when she entered the lab. "Turning Gideon online without Harry's permission. And I thought that you couldn't surprise me anymore. Seems I was wrong."

"You know me. I just can't resist irritating him," Oliver replied, turning around to face her and smiling innocently.

"And one day, it's going to get you killed, which would be horrible in fact. You finally managed to get your head out of your ass. If you died right now, it would be such a waste of my breath."

"Was it so hard to convince Barry to come here?" Oliver asked, curiously.

"That's not for your ears. Just be glad that he came here at the end."

"Even if he weren't, I would find him sooner or later,” Oliver smirked confidently.

"Sure, keep saying that to yourself, but the truth is you were grateful I got him here,” Felicity dodged the attack and offered him her strained smile.

"Is my gratitude all you care about right now?"

"Oh come on! It was hard to convince him," Felicity stubbornly protested which made Oliver laugh.

"Okay, I'm really glad you got him here," Oliver agreed, smiling sincerely and keeping the eye contact still.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Felicity asked, crossing arms over her chest.

"Like what?" Oliver replied, tilting his head to one side.

"Like a hug for example," she claimed, coming closer to him.

"You know I'm not much of a hugger," he complained, rolling his eyes with annoyance.

"Yes, I know, but right now I don't actually give a damn. And besides, you hugged Harry. And I helped you too. I deserve a hug just as much as he does," Felicity commanded, pursing her lips pleadingly.

"I hate you," Oliver growled, but reluctantly hugged her regardless, which cast a beautiful smile across Felicity's face. "Just don't tell me I must hug Cisco too."

"Well, what a show would that be?" Felicity giggled, still lingering in the hug, cherishing every second of it and Oliver didn't pull away. He chose to enjoy this moment rather than suffer it. Because the hug itself was never causing him any pain, only comfort and although he wasn't a fan of such close contact, he had to admit that there were times when nothing would feel as great as a hug from his loved ones. It was just a shame that it took him so long to finally understand it. But that didn't mean that he now wanted to hug everyone around him. Something like that would never be on his schedule.

"For you maybe, but I would rather die," Oliver replied frankly.

"And no one wants that, right?" Felicity smiled and pulled away, ending the hug. "But you should get used to these things, because you got yourself a hugger."

"I know," Oliver smiled genuinely. "And I don't plan to change that about him." And this was the truest of all truths, because he'd always been reluctant when it came to hugging and touching in general. Even with Sara it had taken some time until he'd become used to it. But when it came to Barry, it just seemed like this was just another rule the brunet was breaking like it was no obstacle. With Barry Oliver wasn't afraid of getting too close, because every time he was near the brunet, all he wanted was just to be closer and closer to him. This time he actually craved the close contact, and although it was a new feeling for him, he didn't panic, he accepted it with open arms, because it was now part of himself. That part, which he surprisingly liked.

"Good. Because that's how it should be," Felicity softly encouraged him, dedicating him a warm smile. Although Oliver was in peace with his feelings, they were still new for him, so fighting his blushing cheeks only proved to be pointless. But for the first time, he decided to give up on fighting and just accept it and let the love sink in. Because he knew it was right for him and he wanted it. So he sheepishly smiled, not daring to hide his reddened face, which made Felicity unthinkably happy.

"And now you should tell me what you have in mind. About the date, I mean," she spoke up after a short moment of silence, smirking at him.

"That's a surprise," he dodged.

"But it's not like I will tell him something, so you can spit it out. And besides, I could help you with planning the perfect date for you two," she smiled innocently, pursing her lips.

"I could help with that too. I can easily find the right place and take care of everything which is needed," Gideon's voice resonated through the lab.

"See? Gideon wants to help as well," Felicity pointed out.

"I appreciate it," Oliver stated promptly, "but I know how to plan a date."

"You sure about that?" Felicity asked, shooting him an unimpressed look.

"You're forgetting the fact I've dated people before and no one complained," Oliver pointed out, cocking his head to one side.

"Humans tend to lie on this matter so they would prevent further argument. But the people you've dated must have had some reason to complain. If they haven't, then you would not be unattached right now," Gideon claimed, which caused Felicity to giggle.

"You're once again not helping, Gideon," Oliver stated, annoyed.

"Maybe the reason why your relationships failed is not based on dates. According to what I found, some couples tend to split, because one of the partners finds the relationship sexually unsatisfying. Do you find yourself sexually satisfying, Dad?" Gideon asked, tactlessly, which caused Felicity to chuckle shamelessly.

"Jeez, stop! I'm so not talking about this with any of you!" Oliver exclaimed nervously with reddened cheeks like they were on fire.

"But there's nothing to be ashamed of," Felicity pointed out, trying so hard to hold back a laugh, but failing miserably. “I’m sure Barry will be okay with that.”

"For all I know, you're single too. So isn't this your problem too?" Oliver shot back, smirking openly, which silenced Felicity's laugh immediately. "But don't worry, there is no need for you to be ashamed of that, right, Gideon?"

"Precisely. This can happen to anyone without even realizing it. So it's a possibility with you too, Felicity."

"Okay, Gideon, thank you for your input on this matter, but I think that we got this with Oliver," Felicity exclaimed, hopelessly.

"You're welcome," Gideon replied and logged out, leaving them alone again.

"I hate you," Felicity claimed after a short moment of silence. "But you know I'm doing this just to help you with everything, right? Because I don't want you to screw up with him."

"I know," Oliver agreed, nodding slightly, "and I appreciate your help. Without your input, I wouldn’t be where I am now with him. But seems to me, this is something I should do on my own, because I want to learn, more than anything actually. And if screwing up from time to time is part of that, then I'm willing to make mistakes, because in the end I know it’ll be worth it." After hearing this, Felicity couldn't help but smile at the man in front of her, because after all this time the blond could still surprise her in great measures. But right now, it seemed like nothing could best this moment. This statement. She'd stopped believing that Oliver would uncover this part of himself, which she knew was there, but now it was really happening for everyone to see and she couldn't be more proud of him.

"In that case, good luck, Oliver," she softly finished and headed out of the lab, passing by Barry on her way out.

When Oliver spotted the brunet, he couldn't help but let a smile settle on his face. Because that was what Barry had been doing to him lately. Causing him to smile stupidly without any reason in particular. Just to prove to him, that this was how the happiness tasted like. But when he noticed how Barry was off, the expression on his face immediately changed.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked softly, approaching the younger man slowly.

"Yeah, I'm good," Barry claimed, hiding the downfall of his mood, avoiding to make an eye contact with the man before him, which didn't escape Oliver's attention.

"You sure? Because you know you can always talk to me, right?" Oliver said, gripping Barry's shoulder reassuringly. Barry smiled at the comfort that single touch was causing, but refused to let the truth out.

"I know, but trust me. Everything's perfect right now," Barry reassured the older man by reaching out for Oliver's hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lovingly. And although Oliver still didn’t feel convinced, he let go of this subject, believing that if something had been wrong, Barry would tell him. And before he could say anything else, someone new made an appearance.

“Well, you did say that things had changed,” they heard a voice breaking them from their trance. They immediately turned their heads to see who was the intruder and when the realization struck Oliver, he instantly let go of the brunet and backed away from him. Barry secretly whined at the loss of Oliver’s comfort, but refused to dwell on it, because he knew very well, that this was going to get worse in at least some way in the end.

"But to be honest, out of all things that could've happened, this never crossed my mind."

"Seems like today is full of surprises for everyone," Oliver spoke up after Felicity decided to stay silent and made a step closer to the blonde intruder. "Hey, Sara."

"Hey, Ollie," Sara smiled at him, finally ready to overcome all her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like Oliver was not the only one who was thinking about going after their ex. And unlike him, Sara actually did it. And you can bet that Barry is not going to be happy about this at all XD. See you next time :).


	20. Letting go of each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember all the things we wanted  
> Now all the memories they're haunted  
> We were always meant to say goodbye  
> Even with our face held high  
> It never would have worked out right  
> We were never meant for do or die
> 
> \--Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson and Ryan Tedder--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t expect much from this chapter please :D. Barry is paranoid, Oliver is slightly ignorant and the ending of this chapter “couldn’t be any more amazing”. But see for yourself and enjoy it ;).

This was all wrong. This whole situation was playing against him and he didn't like it. He hated the fact that for some stupid reason world, God or destiny felt like he couldn't be happy, that they didn't want to leave him alone for at least a second. Because what other way was there for him to see? Sara was back and there was only one reason for that which appeared in his mind. She wanted Oliver back. Her ex-boyfriend. But that wasn't gonna happen at all because the roles had swapped and Oliver was now Barry's boyfriend. Maybe a fresh boyfriend but still a legit one regardless and he didn't intend to let that blonde take Oliver away from him. Not now when so many things had changed. When he’d let himself start caring so much.

But even after saying this, Barry still didn't feel okay. He was still furious that Sara was there, still worried that he was going to end up heartbroken once again. But at the same time he let a small hope be created, claiming that nothing huge was needed to make his anxiety go away. Just a mere look from his lover or a soft intentional brush of their fingers, something which would assure him that Oliver had already chosen and meant what he'd said before. However, nothing like that happened, considering Oliver's eyes were strictly directed at Sara the whole time, not willing to flit anywhere else. And when Barry tried to read something from the older man's expression, there was nothing for him to see. Oliver hid everything and that made Barry feel even worse. Because the blond was once again holding back from him. He was keeping himself in bay and Barry was the reason for it. Everyone could see it. But it caused an enormous pain only to the brunet.

"What are you doing here?" Oliver asked after a short moment of silence, with an unbelieving smile, which made Barry's stomach twist of the uncomfortableness he felt spreading through his whole body.

"What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't come for a visit from time to time?" Sara responded and shrugged with a small tight-lipped smile. _That kind which I would gladly see right now_ , Barry complained in secret, making sure no one would hear him. However, even though he did his best to hide his inner thoughts, Felicity noticed how unnerved he was. And guessing reasons was really no trouble, but as much as she hated to admit it, Oliver and Sara did need to talk alone. Although she was sure Barry would be against it, she knew it was the right thing to do.

"Barry, I think we should check up on others and see if they need any help," she carefully claimed which broke the brunet from his trance. But instead of carrying on with his acting like everything was fine, he dedicated her a death glare, clenching his fists without even realizing and reluctantly followed her outside. And although he hardly suspected it, this Oliver noticed. The blond’s eyes flickered and were now aimed directedly at leaving Barry, radiating with concern and worry. But even though Oliver wanted to go after him to make sure he was okay, he needed to make some weight pressed onto his heart disappear. Before he would find it to be too much difficult to breathe properly.

"It was good to see you, Barry," Sara beamed before Barry left completely with sincere smile, forcing him to turn around and face her. Whether she was really that kind and happy to see them or just a good actress was unknown but at the same time it held no meaning, because Barry wasn't capable of returning the kind gesture. _I wish I could say the same_ , Barry snorted in secret and offered her a strained smile. Little did he know that Felicity and Sara weren't the only ones who was looking at him. Oliver was no longer caught by the shock of Sara's unexpected arrival. His common sense was once again ruling over him and that something definitely wasn't okay with Barry could not be any more obvious. His eyes were aimed on the brunet's smile, which made him worry even more. He had no idea what could've gone wrong, because in the beginning of the day the brunet was completely fine and now, he couldn't be farther from it. Although Oliver wasn't willing to let it slide so easily, he still watched the two out of three closest people to his heart leave without making any effort to stop any of them. Because right now, he needed to fix something else. 

* * *

 

Barry’s mood didn’t improve when Felicity tugged him away from Oliver and Sara. He was still fidgeting, unable to let the sight of Oliver staring at Sara off his mind. Because he couldn’t help it. When Sara entered the room, it was like everything stopped holding any meaning for Oliver. Like Barry stopped holding any meaning to him. And if Sara could cause him to feel so unwanted and useless just by simply entering the room, what tragedy was waiting for him on the other side? Barry couldn’t guess. He was so unnerved and worried, scared of rejection. Because he secretly knew that he wasn’t good enough for the blond. That he was nothing comparing to her.

Fortunately, he had his friends who were more than willing to convince him otherwise.

"Okay, spit it out. What's wrong?" Felicity commanded, shooting him a questioning gaze. But now it was difficult. Because he didn’t want to admit the hopelessness he was feeling right now. He knew that Felicity would try to make him feel better, but in the end her efforts would only come to a waste. There was only one person who could change his mind and that person was right now wonderstruck by the appearance of someone else. So no, the odds were not in his favor.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine," Barry nonchalantly denied, shaking his head and offering her a strained smile. Maybe lying wasn’t the best choice, but it seemed much easier than actually admitting the embarrassing truth.

"Really? Because it seems to me that you're not so thrilled about our visitor today," Felicity pointed out with an unimpressed glance, crossing arms over her chest.

"You're hallucinating, Felicity. Everything is fine," Barry insisted, avoiding any eye contact with her.

“Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Felicity shot back, narrowing her eyes at the brunet. Barry lowered his head hopelessly. Of course he didn’t think that. She was smarter than him in so many ways and he loved her even with all her flaws, but right now he just wished she would stop prying into his problems. But something like that wasn’t possible when it came to Felicity Smoak. She just cared too much.

"Just leave it, please," Barry begged softly, now looking right into her eyes. And although Felicity started to feel wrong for pushing him, the need to help her friend was much stronger than that.

"You don't trust him, do you? Oliver, I mean," Felicity remarked when the realization struck her. She remembered how Barry had doubted that Oliver would feel the same way about him. How he’d believed Sara hadn’t completely left the blond’s heart just yet. She understood his worries. But at the same time, she couldn’t hate him more for even considering this as a possibility. Oliver had already confessed and she knew that if he hadn’t feel the same, he would never do it. So why couldn’t Barry understand this too?

"Of course I trust him," Barry argued, rubbing his eyes hopelessly, because he wanted to believe that those words were true. But with the memory of Oliver holding hands with Sara and staring lovingly into her eyes constantly repeating in his mind, how could he?

"Then why are you shaking like your life is at stake?" Felicity asked, eagerly wanting to know more, but Barry stayed silent, refused to say anything on this matter. There was no way he would escape from this. The truth had to come out eventually, but that doesn't mean it was an easy task to let it. "You're afraid, aren't you? That he will leave you now, when Sara is back." Barry forced himself to look directedly into her eyes so he would find all the answers he needed. And what he saw there surprised him beyond measures, because he did feel guilty and pathetic for his unstoppable paranoia but he couldn't help himself. These scary thoughts just couldn't leave him alone. But the fact he couldn't spot any blame or judgmental hints in Felicity's eyes stunned him and put his mind at least in some sort of peace. Some inches of himself even started to believe that maybe there was nothing wrong with him. Or maybe he was just fooling himself.

He wanted to say something to her, but his mouth felt dry for any sort if words. And before he found the right courage someone else decided to show up.

“I highly recommend you to not go to Cisco right now. He can’t stop talking about Gideon and how awesome she is. He even started coming up with new names for her,” Caitlin sighed as she entered the lab and joined their conversation. But as soon as she didn’t get any answer and noticed the sour expression on Barry’s face, the thought of Cisco’s unstoppable mouth immediately slipped through her mind.

"Is everything okay?" she asked directedly Barry but when the brunet refused to look her in the eye, Caitlin’s gaze flew over to Felicity, searching for an explanation.

"Sara is here and right now she is talking with Oliver. And Barry is jealous," Felicity explained, shooting an annoyed look. Because no matter how hard she would try, Oliver and Barry would always find something to complicate things without any logical reason. They could be happy so easily, but they were just both too paranoid and complicated. And living their lives without any drama accompanying them was just not an option for them.

"I'm not jealous! It's just that I'm not exactly glad to see her, that's all," Barry protested, massaging his temples, his hands cold and sweaty of the pressure he was facing.

"You're not happy to see her? Or to see her with Oliver?" Caitlin wondered, curling her lips slightly.

"That doesn't matter at all!" Barry nervously exclaimed, hating his friends for digging so stubbornly into his problems.

"Definitely the second option then.”

"What?!" Barry gasped, failing to understand what his friends wanted to hear from him.

"Being jealous means believing to be threatened by a rival in a romantic relationship," Gideon offered helpfully.

"I know what it means, Gideon," Barry snapped, annoyed.

"It doesn't seem like you do, because from what I've found, your behavior matches the one of a jealous person," Gideon argued, meaning well, but that currently held no meaning to the brunet. All this pep talk was getting on his nerves and he hated it.

"And how could you possible know that? You started existing last night!" Barry shot back, the last inches of his calmness shrinking quickly.

"You're nervous, your body is shaking which means that you're under pressure. Even an AI old just one day can clearly see this is a touchy subject for you, Dad," Gideon claimed.

"So you're a dad now?" Caitlin asked, lifting one of her eyebrows at him.

"Yup, and you don't even have to be a genius to figure out who is the second dad," Felicity remarked, grinning sneakily. And at that moment Barry had no idea whether he hated more her or Caitlin.

"So you're technically mad at Sara, because she is ruining your family. That’s actually understandable and generous of you," Caitlin cheered him, letting a small smirk settle on her face.

"Oh for god's sake, she is not ruining anything! Can't you just leave it be? Why do you have to push into it so much? Don't you have something better to do than digging deeper into my business?" Barry exclaimed furiously, finding it difficult to stop now when everything needed to get out. But on the plus side it did something good, both Felicity and Caitlin finally shut up. But even though Sara's presence hurt him and the fact Oliver would want to be with her hurt him even more, Felicity and Caitlin were not to blame. And he didn't want to put his rage on them without any reason, so he took a deep breath to stabilize himself. Although it did a peculiar minimum in making him feel better, it was a first step.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that... why did she have to come now? Couldn't she do it after more months? Or maybe sooner during that time when I actually didn't care so much?" Barry murmured, running a hand through his hair, saying it more like a rhetorical question than an ask for advice.

"Is this really what's bothering you? Do you really think so low of him?" Felicity wondered, hoping that Barry would immediately take it back. But could she really blame him? Oliver had fallen on a complete bottom because of Sara and now believing that he wouldn't be tempted to be once again happy with her was nothing difficult. Yet she knew better, she knew him. Which was why she could clearly see that he'd been never so carefree with her, so happy as he was with Barry. Although she could hardly understand it, the brunet had somehow gotten through those monstrous walls and reached even farther than any of them had ever done before. And Felicity just wished Barry would see this too.

Barry on the other hand wanted to deny it all. He wanted to scream, shout it to the whole world that he would never think low of him, but his brain didn't manage to find any words. It was just too hard to speak the truth, when he wasn't completely sure about it. Because would he really blame the blond if he'd decided to go back to her? Yes it would break his heart, shatter it into million pieces, but at the same time Barry couldn't hide the fact he knew Oliver had loved her. And those kinds of feelings didn't disappear so easily. Even after some time they always stayed with everyone and maybe he really did love her still and wanted to be with her. In such case Barry would be merely an obstacle which caused him more pain than he was ready to admit.

"Barry, look at me," Felicity softly spoke up to him, forcing him to look at her by pressing her hands on his cheeks. "He would never do that, okay? Oliver would never hurt you on purpose, no matter what. Because while he's suffered before, he doesn't want anyone he loves to experience pain too."

"She's right, Barry. He might’ve gotten astray from the right path, but that doesn’t make him a monster. He has a heart and no one with a heart would be able to do such horrible thing. Especially not him," Caitlin confirmed softly, meaning every word. Because it was the truth. Although she didn’t know Oliver so well, there were some things which couldn’t stay dim and hidden even to her.

Barry offered her a weak smile, but couldn't find any words to say. Life was just pissing him off.

"And besides you know just as much as I do that he wouldn't say any of those things he said yesterday if he didn't feel that way," Felicity carried on, meaning every world with all her heart.

"I know, but you can't deny that he did love her. They broke up and look what it did to him."

"Oh I am looking. And do you know what I see? I see him smiling without any reason. I see him giggling which was something I never thought I would see. I see how he wants to be different for his loved ones. I see every day how amazingly happy he is. And even though Sara is my friend, I never saw him so happy with her. Because although he was trying very hard and loved her, I could see that he needed something more. What he's become now is something which I never thought I would see. The reason why he is different now is you. This is your doing," Felicity insisted sincerely, keeping the eye contact with the brunet still. And although the hints of relief and acceptance her truth appeared in Barry’s eyes, he never dared to let go of his stubbornness. He never dared to believe it fully. The doubts and worries just weren’t able to let go of him and he wasn’t ready to let go of them too.

However, he still offered her a weak smile, hoping that would convince both her and Caitlin to leave him alone. And luckily for him they both got the message and Felicity knew perfectly well that it didn't matter how much she would keep on pushing him, the only person who could make his doubt completely disappear was Oliver himself. So instead of digging into this topic deeper, she returned him a small smile and decided to leave him be, hoping the two boys would learn how to talk properly soon. Because otherwise, the chances of leading a good relationship would soon be equal to zero. And it would be really devastating if they lost each other now because of this.

Yet to Barry’s surprise, Caitlin refused to move anywhere. She just stood there and stared at him, biting her nail and wondering.

“Do you really think you can say something which will change my mind about this?” Barry asked her with a frustrated voice, lowering his head slowly to face the ground.

“I think someone can and will if you let him. And hopefully his words will prove to be enough to ease your heart,” Caitlin concluded with a warm smile settling on her face and with an encouraging squeeze of Barry’s elbow she headed towards the entrance door, deciding to leave Barry to think this through. She trusted he would come to the right conclusion in the end. His heart would make sure of it.

“Maybe you’re right,” Barry wondered aloud, stopping her from leaving completely just yet. Her legs immediately stopped moving and caused her to turn around to once again lay her eyes on him. “But you should’ve seen how he was looking at her. Like he finally found something which had been missing the whole time.”

“I don’t need to see anything like that. Because I’ve already seen how he is looking at you every time he thinks you’re not watching. You may not see it like I do, but I assure you that the look he is giving you is special. And if that really isn’t enough for you, then give him time to prove to you how much he actually cares. It will come,” she finished, giving him an encouraging smile and leaving for real now.

And after that Barry stayed alone, with only his thoughts to accompany him, which was the last thing he wanted right now. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the inner war which was ruling inside his head. Because part of him wanted to let go of this annoying anxiety and the other one was afraid to do so.

He didn’t want to suspect any betrayal. He didn’t wish to blame Oliver for something, which hadn’t happened. He didn’t ask for any of this and yet, nothing could make the pressure on his shoulders disappear. He felt so stupid and pathetic for doubting his boyfriend, for mistrusting him, because he’d let one fact slip through his mind – that before they got together, they’d been friends, best friends. Which was a bond unlike any other, founded by mutual trust, fueled by the faith they had in one another. Oliver wasn’t just another experiment which would show whether Barry had already moved on. Oliver was special in so many ways. He was a miracle, which had appeared in Barry’s life and decided to make it better or die trying. He was a beacon of hope which Barry so desperately yearned for. And this fact never stopped being true. Maybe now they were more than just friends, but the bond of a true friendship was still strongly attached to them, not willing to leave. And it made them who they were. It made them unique and the relationship they held unbreakable. And when Barry finally let this thought enter his mind, some sort of relief started to flow through his veins. It also encouraged him to let go of his stubbornness and accept the fact that maybe he was really just being stupidly paranoid. And with that everything seemed simpler for a change. 

* * *

 

Oliver was literally shaking. He could feel it in all his features that without any support he was going to buckle and collapse. At least when Barry was still there he was distracted from this pressure but now when he was alone with Sara, bad memories started returning to his mind and he didn't like it at all. He wished with all his heart he could flit over to his happy times with her, because he had so many of them attached to his mind, which were worth to recall, but all he could think about was that one night when Sara had left. With that only the guilt followed which got a hold of his insides, twitching them mercilessly. And an unbearable silence didn't help him either. He started suspecting he was going to suffocate if neither of them said anything. Unfortunately for him, his mouth was once again dry for words. They have numerous things to talk about but right now Oliver didn't have any courage to start. His coward nature took over him. But luckily for him, Sara was there to help ease his mind.

"I can see that you finished your AI," she spoke up with an impressed smile. And thankfully that was the only thing Oliver needed to get back in the game.

"Yeah, we finished Gideon only yesterday," Oliver nonchalantly replied, trying so hard to stop himself from constant shivering.

"You must be proud of yourself," Sara noted, arching an eyebrow at him, not really meaning it like a bad thing. She still could remember that her Oliver would hardly give any credit to other people even though they deserved it. But this Oliver was different, she could see that. He was changed and most of all - he was no longer hers, which she could clearly see by how uneasy he behaved around her. They might've had problems with communication but they'd never been so distant. However, now they seemed like they couldn't be any farther away from each other. And Sara just wanted to know how much had changed.

"She isn't here just because of me. Others helped too, like Felicity, Harry, Cisco, Caitlin...," he admitted.

"And Barry, right?" she asked, interrupting him, crossing arms over her chest.

"Yeah, Barry too," Oliver nodded slightly, lowering his head and trying so hard to hide his awkwardness. Sara noticed it, which cast a small grin across her face, because now she could see that not everything had changed. Oliver's awkward behavior when it came to love was something which she would miss greatly if it had disappeared. And the fact he wasn't even trying to retain his cold expression meant that he really did care for the brunet greatly.

"It's funny, you know, how you changed," she pointed out, carrying on her grin and cocking her head to one side. Yet Oliver didn’t let himself be fooled right away. He raised his head to look at her and search for the truth in her facial features. And although she was trying to be nothing but generous, hints of sadness hidden behind that kindness were there only for him to see. "I guess that's Barry's doing, isn't it?"

"Why did you come here, Sara?" Oliver sighed, running a hand down his face, pointing out that he wasn’t willing to play this game with her even though he could clearly see she wanted him to.

"Come on, Ollie. Don't do that brooding face with me. I left Central City knowing that you hated Barry. And now when I saw you holding hands, you can't seriously blame me for being too curious," she protested, smirking shamelessly and nudging his arm playfully.

"That's a long story," Oliver claimed, rolling his eyes and trying so hard to silence her wishes. Of course he failed at that.

"I have the time," she grinned and sat down on a nearby lab table, just like old times when they'd dated. Oliver actually smiled at that and decided to play her game for a while. However, he knew perfectly that it wouldn't take long and they would have to talk properly. Although he couldn't say he was looking forward to it. 

* * *

 

It'd been a few hours since Sara had arrived and Barry's heart was still far from reaching peace. These unbearable thoughts were coming and going to his mind, but they never managed to leave him completely alone.

He hated the fact he couldn't see what was happening with Oliver and Sara right now. But at the same time spying on them would possibly make him feel even worse. However, this day was already horrible and it seemed like making it slightly worse couldn't hurt him any more.

"Gideon, are you there?" he asked to the air, breathing slowly full of nervousness. The answer came instantly.

"Yes, Dad," Gideon simply claimed, waiting for a request. At that Barry let a small smile appear on his face, because although morphing into a father figure was a new aspect in his life, it still warmed his heart. And the fact Oliver was a dad with him did even more beautiful wonders to him. But he had to shove all these thoughts to the back part of his head, before he would get lost and Gideon would question it.

"Do you have access to the lab where Oliver is currently in?" he asked sheepishly. He didn't want to sound as a stalking creep but somehow keeping himself in bay could not feel any more difficult.

"Oliver asked me to log off from that department and turn off the cameras. Currently, you and I have the same knowledge on what is happening there," Gideon explained monotonously.

"One of these days we're gonna have a talk about who you should be siding with," Barry snorted, running a hand down his face.

"I'm not siding with anyone. He'd asked me before you did."

"But we're still gonna have that talk someday," Barry persisted stubbornly.

"Then I'm gonna win," Oliver's voice came to the surface which immediately startled the brunet, causing him to let everything slip through his fingers. He might’ve dropped something, but right now he couldn’t care less. And when he turned around the sight of smirking Oliver leaning on a doorway with his arms crossed over his chest didn't put his mind at ease. However, all he could do now was just wish Gideon would stay quiet.

"Please don't tell me you heard it all," Barry begged sheepishly, trying to suppress the awkward heat coming to his cheeks causing him to blush. But it was pointless, Oliver's widening smirk was a perfect proof of that.

"You sneaky little bastard. You wanted to spy on me," Oliver teased, faking an indignation in his voice.

"No!" "Yes," Barry and Gideon said simultaneously which caused the corners of Oliver's mouth to raise even higher morphing into a devilish smirk. Barry rolled his eyes, irritated by how this day was getting worse and worse even though it had started in the most beautiful way.

"Spy and a liar. You're really getting spoiled, Barry," Oliver carried on teasing, lifting one of his eyebrows and at that moment Barry just wanted to die honestly. This was just too much to his liking.

"Well in that case, don't come near me, because I might spoil you even more than you already are," Barry shot back bitterly, hitting on the fact he was in no mood to joke right now. "I doubt that Sara would welcome that." And Oliver got the message instantly, considering how quickly his smirk vanished, and he regained more serious expression on his face.

"Could you give us some time, Gideon? I need to talk with Barry alone," Oliver requested to the air, hoping that Gideon wouldn't question it further. But then again, she was an AI so everything was possible. But fortunately for him, the answer came sooner than he'd thought it would.

"Of course," Gideon simply acknowledged and logged off from the lab, turning the cameras off too, so her dads would get the much needed privacy. However, Barry didn't wish to talk. Because one part of him was ashamed of admitting his doubts, where the other part of him didn't want to see Oliver in doubts. Yet it didn't matter how hard he would try to run away from it, he couldn't avoid the blond. But that didn't mean he couldn't do his best to avoid the topic itself for as long as possible.

"Why is she siding with you? She should take us as equals," Barry snorted, frowning. Oliver was surprised by the direction Barry decided to take, yet he just simply cocked his head to one side, looking directly at his boyfriend. However, when Barry refused to let go of that question, Oliver followed.

"Oh you think this is bad? You haven't seen anything yet. Me and her tactless behavior met in the worst way possible," Oliver claimed, sighing annoyed, remembering how Gideon had been trying to find reasons for his loneliness in love. Unfortunately for him, the brunet's eyes flickered at the thought, shoving everything else aside, leaving only curiosity to rule over him.

"What did she tell you?" Barry asked with a small grin growing on his freckled face, which the blond loved so much.

"With any luck, you'll never find out," Oliver shot back little bitterly, which make the evil grin on the brunet's face grow even wider.

"Or I'll just ask her when you're not around," Barry teased, smirking on full level now and tilting his head to one side.

"Don't you dare, Bar," Oliver protested with his cheeks blushing as the thought of Barry finding out entered his mind.

"You can't stop me, Ollie. And you know that if I ask her, she will tell me the truth easily," Barry remarked raising one of his eyebrows.

"Unlike you for example. You should take some advice from her," Oliver dodged cleverly, silencing the brunet and making his smirk completely disappear. It was time to talk. "Care to explain to me what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," Barry lied, his face aimed at the ground underneath him, too much afraid to face the older man directly.

"Bullshit. I'm not blind, Barry, and I can see that you're not happy by Sara's presence at all," Oliver argued, coming closer to the brunet.

"Surely not as much as you are," Barry murmured bitterly but at the same time audibly enough for the blond to hear.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Oliver argued, frowning with confusion.

"I just don't understand why Gideon didn't let people who work here in, but Sara had no difficulties to get inside," Barry snorted, losing the already small amount of tact within himself. Now nothing was holding him back.

"Don't tell me you're jealous," Oliver replied, letting a small smirk grow on his face.

"Don't start with this too, please," Barry pleaded, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not jealous, okay?" Oliver smiled instantly and arched an eyebrow at his lover. _You totally are_ , he thought to himself but tried to retain his calm and neutral expression. But Barry knew he wasn't fooling anyone.

"It's just that I think that most people are forgetting the fact how she left in a first place and what it caused," Barry charged, infuriated and Oliver immediately lost his smile and frowned at the ground beneath him.

"That's what this is about? Because what I did wasn't her fault. You know this, Barry," Oliver claimed.

"Was it? She lied to you and left you, Ollie. She decided to put you through more pain even though she clearly knew what that could do to you. You can't tell me you're okay with that. After everything that you've been through," Barry argued, throwing his hands around with a clear exasperation.

"It's not that simple, Barry. She didn't want to leave but she had to. She had her reasons," Oliver pointed out, hoping that Barry wouldn't question it further because Sara's reasons were known just to him and Felicity. That's what Sara wanted and he was in no position to question it when it wasn't his secret to tell.

"Of course she did. She must've had something really serious going on when she decided to abandon you. So what changed? Why could she come here now?" Barry asked bitterly, rubbing his temples. Oliver stayed silent for a second because as much as he'd been practicing his deduction skills, he'd been proved multiple times that with Barry they were all useless. And this time was no different. For some reason figuring out his boyfriend was no easy task. So he took his time, staring at his lover and thinking. And soon after that the realization struck him.

"But you're not really mad at her for hurting me before. Well at least not as much as for the fact she is here in this particular moment, are you?" Oliver asked, arching an eyebrow at him. "You think I'm gonna leave you." Saying this statement hurt Oliver. Even letting the thought inside his mind hurt more than he would suspect. Because the brunet doubted him. Barry thought so low of him that he actually believed Oliver would hurt him like that. But could he really blame him? When he had rejected him the day Barry had kissed him for the first time. Maybe the brunet still refused to believe that Oliver meant every word he'd said the day before. And in that case Oliver wouldn't dare to be mad. He was just more determined to make those doubts disappear.

And when it came to Barry he wanted to protest. More than ever he yearned for the ability to talk easily once again. But he couldn't lie to him. Especially when Oliver was clearly concerned about his well-being. There had been times when he'd dared to lie to people who were closest to him. Whether it was his father, Joe or Iris he always had found a way how to overcome the trouble and lie. And he wasn't so gullible to believe that such time would never cross him with Oliver. It would come at some point and he couldn't stop it regardless of his efforts. But the least he could do was to keep this day from coming for as long as possible. And this task started today.

"Can you really blame me though? After how you couldn't stop staring at her when she walked in? I mean, you've dated her for months. What am I comparing to her?" Barry asked, lowering his head as his worries tried to push tears from his eyes. Yet he persisted in not letting them. He did not want to cry in front of Oliver. That would even worsen his case and he would become a much bigger loser in the blond's eyes. That was the last thing he wanted.

But Oliver didn't even let a thought like that cross his mind. He instantly came closer to the brunet, cupping his face tenderly and forcing him to look into his eyes. And what he saw cast a warm smile across his face. Barry's glittering eyes were one of the most beautiful sights, he was sure of that.

"Barry, look at me," he tried as he wiped away the first tear, streaming down the brunet's face. "Believe me when I say that I would never do something like that. So please, stop doubting me or yourself. You have nothing to worry about."

"You can't know that. You loved her, you were happy with her and how long will it take until those good memories return to you? How long until you stop being able to control yourself around her?" Barry sincerely asked, sobbing hopelessly. He felt so lame for crying but somehow couldn't find himself to stop. He did not wish to lose Oliver, because he was sure that it would kill him.

"I would never let this happen, even for her. Because right now, every time I look at her only one memory comes to my mind. Do you which one it is?" Oliver asked, still not letting go of Barry's face. The brunet sheepishly shook his head and waited for the blond's answer. "When I look at her all I see is the day she left, when she broke my heart and I broke hers. And I know that that should made me feel sad or depressed, but I still find myself smiling, laughing, being happy. And that's all because of you, Barry Allen. You did this to me. You're the one who can't stop wandering around in my head, the good memories of you are the only ones which have been appearing to me lately. And you are the one with whom I can't control myself around."

One of the most amazing things about Barry was the fact how easy it was now for Oliver to express how he felt about the brunet. And this was once again accomplished thanks to Barry. Oliver had always struggled with expressing his feelings to anyone. To Sara, to Felicity, to Harry and to Barry as well, but now it was all different. The brunet mattered so greatly to him that he fully understood why expressing them was so precious and why it was so much needed. Because Barry was in doubts and it was Oliver's job to make those doubts disappear. And quite frankly he couldn't be more okay with repeating it all over and over again, because if someone deserved to hear it, it was Barry Allen. And Oliver knew there would be times when he would get bored of it, but this was not that day. This was that day when Barry would learn to believe him.

"What I said yesterday, I meant it, Barry. Every word," Oliver softly spoke up after a short time of silence, letting go of Barry's face. The brunet however still couldn't give up on his stubbornness and instead of acknowledging that information, he just hopelessly sighed. And with that Oliver could only try the last choice. So he gripped Barry's jacket tightly and pulled the brunet closer, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss. At first Barry couldn't be more startled by the gesture, but it only took him a second until he let his heart take over and deepened the kiss. And no one could watch them. Even Gideon was out of reach so neither of them needed to worry about anything else than themselves at that moment.

Oliver didn’t let go of Barry’s jacket, he held it in his grasp so tightly, that if Barry tried to pull away, there was a big chance, his jacket wouldn’t survive it. But fortunately for both of them, nothing like that had crossed Barry’s mind. And the thought of that previous talk they'd had couldn't be farther from reaching his brain. Oliver could make him feel so astray but at the same time safe. He could shuffle all his inner thoughts so wildly that nothing else would matter. And if one mere kiss could cause all this, he couldn’t be more curious about the future which was awaiting him with Oliver by his side.

But right now that wasn't on his mind. And neither were any doubts or worries. Right now it was just him and Oliver enjoying the moment like they should be. He let his hands strayed to Oliver’s neck, fingers tangling up into Oliver’s hair. And as he felt the blond’s tongue entering his mouth, he couldn’t help but moan at the pleasure he was feeling, still lingering in the kiss for as long as possible. And he couldn't help but take his mind back to their first kiss which was just as passionate and just as perfect as this one was. The ending couldn't be any worse though, he admitted that, but in the end it'd ended up great in his favor. So maybe he had no reason to worry. Maybe the only thing he needed to do was believe that this would end up well too. That they would get through it together, as they should.

Unfortunately even though a moment as perfect as this couldn't be any more amazing, their lungs were no longer capable of handling it. So after a few more moments Oliver broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Barry's and this time Barry didn't whine because there wasn't finally any reason for him to do that. Because he knew that this definitely wasn't their last kiss. And that was all he needed to know for sure.

As they stood there, gasping and their lungs yearning for more air, neither of them dared to back away from the comfort the other one provided. They opened their eyes and locked them, doubting that there could be a sight in this world more beautiful than this. Huge smiles appeared on both of their faces and although other thoughts managed to enter their minds nothing was so important that it actually accomplished breaking their moment now. And the worries and doubts never returned.

"Are you happy now?" Oliver asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"I think you should definitely work on how you handle my anxiety, because one day a kiss might not be enough," Barry teased, smirking devilishly, which caused Oliver to scoff and let go of him.

"What was I supposed to do when this is the only thing that can shut you up?" Oliver snorted, throwing his arms around and trying so hard to resist laughing and remain stable. But he knew very well that that was a lost cause.

"In that case it would be shame if I stopped talking, wouldn't it?" Barry asked and teasingly licked his swollen lips.

"Smartass," Oliver scoffed, rolling his eyes, which caused Barry to giggle. And with that retaining some seriousness was immediately a dead end. Instead of that, a huge smile settled on his face, not daring to go anywhere. And when his blue eyes once again found Barry's green ones, the only thing he wanted was to stay there with the brunet and never leave him. It didn't matter where they were, as long as Barry was close to him, he felt complete.

Oliver took a deep breath and without any doubt came closer to the brunet once again, still lingering in the sight of Barry's eyes before him.

"There is no need for you to worry really, because what I said stands. There are no ifs, buts or any catches, this is simple truth," Oliver sincerely claimed. At hearing those words Barry couldn't help but sheepishly smile at the ground beneath his feet.

"I know," he said as he lifted his head back up but still refused to look directedly into Oliver's eyes. "I'm sorry for bringing that up, it was stupid."

"Barry, stop. It wasn't stupid,” Oliver silenced him, gently stroking Barry’s cheek. “To be honest I can't really blame you for suspecting it. Just know that I'm here for you and I'm ready to listen to everything you have to say." And right in that moment Barry raised his head and looked into the piercing blue eyes before him and what he did find there made him the luckiest man alive. Truth.

"Thanks, Ollie," Barry smiled and wrapped his arms around the blond's neck tightly, determined to never let go. Oliver lovingly returned the gesture, enjoying every second of them being so close to one another. Those feelings, spread through every inch of his body, couldn't be any more precious and he knew it. He was very happy that he'd realized it in the end.

"You're welcome, Bar," Oliver whispered softly to the brunet's ear. Although Oliver's breath mercilessly tickled him, the words themselves held much more important meaning. Because the blond had called him by his nickname which only Joe and Iris used, the people who were closest to him. Yes, Oliver had called him Bar before but in that time, he thought that the blond was just messing with him. This simple sentence was a proof that no such thing was true and that Oliver called him that because he wanted to. And Barry loved hearing Oliver saying his name every time. It was just so incredibly soothing. And after a small realization it struck him, that this was what he'd been searching for since Patty had died. And he did find it even after giving up on this cause multiple times. Now it seemed only ridiculous to him. Maybe fate had some plans for him after all.

When they broke the hug, Oliver smiled at him for the last time and softly kissed his cheek. Before leaving completely Oliver's eyes managed to catch a small warm blush settling on his boyfriend's face, which could never leave him cold. He absorbed this memory and stored it carefully in his head and when that was done he left, going on lunch with Sara. And while Barry was silently standing there without saying any word, one of his hands wandered off to the cheek, which Oliver had kissed. Blush was increasing, heat was getting stronger and the worries and doubts were vanishing, leaving no signs they were ever there. So with a huge smile ruling over his face, he left STAR Labs with Cisco, Caitlin and Felicity and together they headed to Big Belly Burger - to celebrate their great success with Gideon. And although Barry felt sorry for the fact the blond wasn't there with them when most of the credit belonged to him, he knew better than to suspect his boyfriend would want to celebrate with them even if he had had time. It was perfectly common knowledge that Oliver wasn't a fan of socializing. And pushing him into something right now was definitely not what Barry wanted. The blond would come on his own someday. Barry was sure of that. 

* * *

 

While Oliver was at lunch with Sara, the serious topics never crossed their minds. Instead of that they both focused on catching up. Sara told him how she is handling the loss of her mother. How her father is trying to stop drinking. How her sister is trying to become a lawyer. And how Sara had managed to become a detective at SCPD.

And when it was Oliver’s turn to talk, he told her what had changed about his life as well. He told her how Barry had started living with him and how he’d hated that at first. He told her that nightmares were no longer bothering him. Although he didn’t dare to reveal the reason why. He also claimed that his relationship with Cisco was thriving even with problems and that he’d finally managed to see him as an equal. And Caitlin as well. He even didn’t forget to mention how his bond with Harry had improved and the whole time he was talking, the smile never dared to leave his face. He didn’t feel any pressure or discomfort, he was just being himself and she couldn’t be more happy for that.

However, when the lunch was already settling in their bellies and it was time to pay, they both headed back to STAR Labs and as soon as they entered Oliver’s lab, that carefree mood immediately disappeared.

"I think your boyfriend doesn't like me very much," Sara exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at the blond.

"Would you really blame him though? You're obviously a threat," Oliver snorted annoyed by the fact Sara was still resilient when it came to talking about serious things.

"For you or for him?" Sara shot back, cocking her head to one side. From these two simple questions Oliver could figure some things. One - she clearly didn't like the idea of them dating and the second - she knew exactly what had happened after she'd left. However, Oliver had no idea whether he was glad or even more nervous about it. Probably both.

"So you've heard," Oliver claimed, biting his lips.

"Felicity told me right away the next day," Sara nervously replied, starting sweating and shaking as well because she knew perfectly that only storm was now waiting for her on the other side and nothing else.

"Funny, she didn't say anything about you coming to see me while I was unconscious," Oliver growled, crossing arms over his chest.

"I know what you're thinking. That I was a bitch for not coming to see you, for not asking anything, for behaving like you didn't matter anymore. But you're wrong, Ollie. I didn't ignore what happened. I came to see you once," Sara sincerely admitted, struggling with finding the right words. Which left Oliver completely stunned. _She did?_ he asked himself in his head, wondering why no one had told him about that before.

"When?" he asked huskily, frowning and keeping their eye contact still. Sara took a deep breath and broke it by lowering her head to the ground.

"When you were taken to STAR Labs, right the next day."

"Why no one said anything about this?"

"Because no one knew. Not even Felicity or Doctor Wells. The building was empty back then, it was already late at night. Only one other person was there, standing by your bed," she noted, smiling weakly. And Oliver couldn't help and let a small smile appear on his face as well as the realization struck him.

"Barry Allen," he whispered proudly, the pleasant feeling in his chest rapidly increasing.

"I wanted to come more times actually but every time I did, he was there, guarding you. And with that I couldn’t come closer. I knew he saved you so thinking about what he would do to me after spotting me there scared me. So I chose to stay hidden and surprisingly I didn't mind. Did you know that he actually talked to you every time he was there?"

"That doesn't surprise me. He's a natural talent in talking," Oliver pointed out, the corners of his mouth slightly lifting.

"You're too, when you want to be," Sara noted nostalgically, trying so hard to hide the fact she felt sorry that she couldn't have done what Barry could - make Oliver so visibly happy. Thinking about it hurt so she rather chose to change the subject for this time. "But I didn't come here just for a friendly talk."

"Shocker," Oliver snorted sarcastically, making an eye contact with her.

"You already know that I managed to become a detective in Starling City," she claimed, ignoring his sarcasm. "And while I was there I managed to do some digging."

"So what? I imagine that's exactly what detectives should do," Oliver scoffed and turned away from her for a second.

"It's about your sister Thea," Sara exclaimed sincerely which stunned Oliver and caused him to spin around to once again face her. "I found her." And at that moment Oliver once again felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. Everything around him darkened and an endless repeating Sara's words in his head never stopped. His head was spinning, making it harder for him to keep his balance. But he still persisted and retained his calm composure, shooting Sara an unimpressed look.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, crossing arms over his chest, even though he knew perfectly well what she'd said. Yet believing in her truth seemed much more complex than that.

"When I moved in to Starling City, I heard about her. She's quite famous there, just like her brother. And this is what I've found along with some pictures of how she looks like now," Sara explained, handling him the folder of papers. However, to her surprise Oliver refused to even reach for it. He just stubbornly remained standing not willing to make any move forward.

"Don't you want to see it?" she asked, frowning with confusion.

"Do you honestly think that if I wanted to meet her, I wouldn't find her on my own?" Oliver scoffed forcibly. And thanks to that Sara could see that Oliver she knew so well. The one which would always deny any feelings and also would try to hide them no matter what.

"And have you tried finding her on your own?" she shot back, glaring at him.

"I don't want to meet her, Sara," Oliver simply stated, speaking only partial truth.

"But she's your sister."

"Yeah, my sister, who I saw years ago and then never again. We are completely different people by now. She has her own family, I have mine and we like staying away from each other's worlds."

"Bullshit. You can't tell me that there isn't even an inch inside you which would want to meet her. Maybe you got separated, but you had a bond with her, which is impossible to forget," Sara protested, nudging his chest with her point finger.

"But what if I want to forget? Have you ever thought about that? That maybe all those memories don't make me feel happy or touched. They're making my life only worse," Oliver snapped, saying this loudly than was normal and with the anger increasing as he stared into her eyes. Then not even second later he broke the eye contact with her and moved away from her. He just wanted to get out and finally be at peace, but with her constant pushing, something like that was never an option. And unfortunately for him, Sara wasn't a big fan of letting him run from his problems.

"You can't avoid her forever. This is important!" Sara insisted, punching the lab table by her clenched fist.

"Oh I'm sorry, but are you judging me right now? Because you should at first look at yourself and stop pretending like you came here just to see me and tell me about my sister," Oliver growled angrily, his fist clenching as well. However, deep inside he was a total wreck, who couldn't even say the name of his sister out loud. And it was terrifying him how close he was to utter breakdown.

"There is nothing to talk about," Sara stubbornly denied and lowered her head to face the ground.

"The hell there isn't! Cut this crap, Sara. You know very well that we need to have a word."

"About what?" Sara asked rolling her eyes.

"About us. And particularly about the night you left," Oliver replied, losing the anger within him, leaving just softness and fear ruling over him.

"Oliver, we've both moved on from that," Sara claimed, turning away from him.

"I haven't," Oliver denied while catching her wrist by his hand and forcing her to face him once more. "Quite frankly, I spent some nights restless thinking about that night." And with that Sara's facial expression also softened.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry that I had to put you through it, Ollie. I really am, but I was too scared to tell you sooner, even though I had plenty of time," Sara said sincerely, finding it really difficult to keep the eye contact with him still. But Oliver had also something important to say and he needed her to listen, because the next time he might not find the courage to tell the whole truth.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he tenderly spoke up after a short moment of silence and lifted her head gently so their eyes would once again meet. "I understand why you didn't tell me. And if I were you I would probably do the same or something even worse. But believe me, Sara, when I say that I'm the one who should be apologizing right now."

"I don't hold any grudge against you, Ollie. I am the one who should've said something," Sara denied.

"That might be true, but let's be honest I was a dick to you. I didn't support you, I kicked you out, because I was angry. I hated you for leaving me. And I hated myself too for caring so much. Because of that it took me a while to realize that it was all my fault," Oliver sighed, sitting on the lab table and pressing his forehead against his palms. Sara stayed silent and just sat down next to him, trying to comfort him the best way she could by gently caressing his strong arm.

"I've been thinking about how the things could've been different if I didn't shout at you, if I didn't let you leave. If nothing else at least there would be one less scar on my heart," Oliver wondered, staring aimlessly.

"How would you possibly make me stay?" Sara asked, smiling at the thought.

"I don't know. Just believe there were times when I believed that if I could change what happened, if I could return to that time, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would do whatever it takes to make you stay and if nothing helped, I would go with you."

"You would leave STAR Labs for me? You would leave Harry and Felicity just because of me?" Sara whispered, astonished but at the same time so ruined that this option was no longer possible.

"Back then yes, but not anymore. Like you said I've changed. The fact I lost you to my own stubbornness did its damage on me, which was permanent."

"But you were still able to move on."

"I had help," Oliver smiled weakly. "Only God knows where I would be without it." The blond once again let a thought of Barry enter his mind, proving that it was impossible to get that brunet out of his mind these days. Yet he didn’t mind. The opposite was actually right.

“There was actually one time when Barry needed help, consolation. And after you left, I thought that I would never learn how to provide that, but then something happened to him and I didn’t freeze. That was the time when I realized that I really came to feel about him, about how he felt. And if he felt sad, angry or lost, I wanted to do whatever it takes to cast a smile once again across his face. Anyone could go after him, but I chose to go after him and I told him the truth, which he needed to hear. Now I just wish I could’ve done that with you as well, when you needed to hear it too,” Oliver sadly admitted, fiddling with his fingers. Sara leaned her head on his shoulder for a moment and stayed silent. She didn’t blame him for shouting at her that night. She honestly didn’t hold any grudge against him. And although listening how Oliver had managed to help someone else brought tears to her eyes, a smile managed to appear on her face as well. Because in the end Oliver’s happiness was all that mattered to her. And it didn’t matter who was the reason for his happiness.

But she still didn’t say a thing, she just lingered in the same position, enjoying this moment like it was supposed to be her last. And maybe it was. Maybe it was finally time for her to stop fooling herself and face the truth.

"You were right, when you told me that I hadn't come here just to chat with you. I came here to see whether you've managed to move on and also to say my goodbye to you finally in the right way," Sara spoke up after a short moment of silence and stood up. It was time to leave, for good and in the right way. Oliver stood up too and smiled at her warmly.

"I'm glad that you did come here and know that you're always welcome here anytime you want," Oliver assured her kindly and made a small step closer to her to wrap his strong arms around her. As a result Sara was totally stunned by the words and the hug itself. When she had come back to Central City, she'd suspected Oliver would hate her, but now she could clearly see that her worries were not justified nor needed. Oliver had already managed to overcome his anger. This fact meant so much to her that she forgot to breathe for a few seconds. Her heart fluttered and tears started fighting their way out of their prison.

She'd spent some nights restless blaming herself for hurting the blond so much. Seeing that he had forgiven her was the perfect proof that she should learn how to forgive it herself as well. And so she did and how touched her heart was couldn't be put into words. And thanks to that, she decided to let the truth out one more time. To tell him for the last time how much she cared.

"I've never stopped loving you," she whispered brokenly into his ear, still lingering in the hug. Knowing that Oliver no longer felt the same, but at the same time aware that she would never stop feeling sorry for not telling him. However, to her surprise Oliver didn't pull away, he didn't even stiffen. He remained in the same position, gripping her just as tightly as before.

"I don't think I've ever stopped loving you either," he whispered her back with all sincerity he could find within himself, because he knew that deep inside this statement couldn't be any more true. And Sara smiled at that, thankful beyond belief that she'd decided to come and see him and that she'd taken the courage to fix her mistakes. Now she could see it was worth the trouble. However, she couldn't help but let a small sadness settle on her heart for the fact this was still a goodbye for them.

"But you love him more," she claimed softly as she ended the hug and slowly pulled away. Oliver sheepishly smiled at the ground at the truth of her words and let a small blush take over him.

"Barry is special. I wish I would’ve realized it sooner," Oliver sincerely replied, keeping the eye contact with her still.

"So not just an ordinary forensic scientist who has no right to work in STAR Labs, then?" Sara asked, smirking on the blond before her.

"No, not even close to that," Oliver chuckled slightly and Sara could not be more wonderstruck by the sight before her. Because although she had been with Oliver, she'd never seen the one very thing she could see right now. The willingness to open up completely to other people in the matters of his heart. Before, it was one of the hardest tasks for him. Now it couldn't seem more natural by the expression on his face. He was finally honest with himself. He finally had found that one very person which could make him smile just by being near him, without saying anything. He finally reached this kind of peace and although Sara felt sorry that she hadn't been able to do that for him, she was more than happy to see someone else accomplish that. And knowing that she was leaving him in good hands was the best thing which could happen to her today. Because she was sure that he deserved it, he finally deserved to see what life was really about. And Barry would show him that. She believed it with all her heart.

"But remember - don't tell him that you used also my voice for modifying Gideon's. Otherwise, you would get ditched sooner than anyone expected," Sara warned him, offering him a small grin.

"Duly noted," Oliver agreed, willingly returning the kind gesture.

"Take care, Ollie. Try not to cause a heart attack to anyone."

"No promises, but I'll try," Oliver replied with a smirk settling on his face. "But I wish you luck with everything you decide to work on." After that Sara headed towards the entrance door and merely a step before them, she turned around to lay her eyes on him for the last time. She offered him her last smile and said: "See you around."

"You bet," he returned the warm smile and actually waved her on her way out. She waved him back and finally turned back to the entrance before her, walking away in the right way, finally at peace with herself. 

* * *

 

When everyone returned back from their lunch together, without even realizing it Barry immediately headed towards Oliver’s place, hoping that the blond had already the conversation with Sara behind him. Yet he didn’t let any suspicions once again grow in his brain. He trusted Oliver, he was in love with him and most of all he believed there was no reason for him to worry. The blond had showed him that. And right now he just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Talking, watching, kissing, it didn’t really matter to him. He just wanted something. Because the fact that he felt better with the blond by his side was still true.

Unfortunately, this statement stopped holding any meaning as soon as he found his way to Oliver’s lab. When the sounds of voices of his lover and Sara made their way into his ears, his legs immediately stopped moving and the happiness vanished, leaving no trace it had ever been there. He didn’t enter, didn’t make any sound, he just secretly hid behind the wall next to the entrance door which were open and listened carefully. And although it wasn’t easy for him to catch all the words, he managed to hear some of them which made everything clear for him.

"I'm glad that you did come here and know that you're always welcome here anytime you want," he heard Oliver say. Although he knew that that statement couldn’t mean anything bad just yet, stopping his heart from beating so fast proved to be a dead end. It was a deafening sound spreading through his head, ceasing his common sense from working properly. However, he still refused to leave his spot, to make his presence known. Instead of that, he decided to keep on listening.

"I've never stopped loving you," Sara’s voice found its way to his ears. And now the silence which followed couldn’t be more unbearable. He yearned for Oliver’s answer more than he’d ever thought possible. Although he’d heard it directedly from the man himself, that his interest were now elsewhere, a little inch of him had stayed wondering whether those words held any meaning. And now with all this endless silence, this once barely visible inch was now growing rapidly. And when he started to think that the answer from Oliver’s side would never come, the silence got broken once more.

"I don't think I've ever stopped loving you either," Oliver’s voice echoed in his head, making his heart skip a beat. He stopped breathing, stopped giving any attention to his surroundings. Because it was like the history was once again repeating itself. He was once again getting his heart broken and the idea of that pain feeling less unbearable couldn’t be more ridiculous. Everything around him stopped holding any meaning, every thought, sound or memory got silenced. Only Oliver’s words echoed through his mind on an endless repeat. Like he was trapped in a loop and there was no way out for him. He hated his life for once again hurting him like that. He hated Oliver for betraying him like that. But most of all, he hated himself for the fact he’d let himself be so naïve once again. Thanks to that he got hurt again and he wasn’t sure whether he would ever be okay after this. Because he knew that Oliver meant what he’d said to her. He’d said it like a statement without any catch. _There are no ifs, buts or any catches,_ Barry remembered, cursing on himself for believing those words. But now it was already too late to take it all back. He had no idea what to do right now. The only thing he knew was that he needed to get out of there. He’d been once a child full of dreams. Now he wished only one thing – that the world would finally leave him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly on my defense, I wanted to end this chapter in a completely different time (and better time), but you can clearly see that this one was already long enough (sorry if that is a bad thing), which just kind of happened without me realizing it by the way XD and so here we are with this sort of ending. Please don’t hate Oliver, he has no idea what he did. You can hate me but not him XD. But there’s still hope… or is there? ;)


	21. It's all about trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Barry entered Joe's house, he wished with all his heart that his foster dad wouldn't be home. However, this day was already playing greatly against him and this fact was not going to be any difference.   
> He immediately headed towards his old room, but his brain was so astray, that he didn't even think about making less noise. And before he even reached the first stair Joe's voice came to the surface.  
> "You're early," Joe analyzed and frown of the confusion and Barry was trapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter is finally here! And I really hope it can put your minds at ease, because help is coming. Fortunately, one particular character just can’t walk peacefully on this earth while the two boys are arguing :). Have fun ;).

Barry’s world was rapidly collapsing. Tears were now streaming down his face, unable to stop no matter how hard he tried. However, he no longer cared whether people would notice. And he didn’t dare to wonder whether Oliver would notice his absence. Why would he? When he’d finally gotten his precious Sara back? Now there was nothing standing in the way of his happiness. Not even Barry was an obstacle anymore.

Sounds of Barry’s quick steps were echoing through various parts of STAR Labs as he was trying to reach the exit door as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Nothing could fix this now. No words, no gestures, no confessions so why bother? Running away proved to be a better a solution after all.

“Dad, what happened?” Gideon asked suddenly, breaking him from his trance. His legs instantly stopped moving, but the shivering never stopped. His body was closer to a complete breakdown than he was brave to admit. His head hurt of the constant stream of tears escaping his eyes, his heart was deafening any other sound around him and breathing was rapidly getting harder and harder as it was replaced by a constant sniffling. But the rage was fueling him. He hated Oliver now more than anything. Because Oliver was selfish. He’d lied to Barry, fooled him, caused him this utter pain all over again even though he knew how much Barry had already suffered. And something like that Barry wasn’t ready to forgive.

“Oliver happened,” Barry snapped bitterly allowing more and more tears to come out of his eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I fail to understand that statement,” Gideon innocently replied.

“You can ask him about it once he’s done with making out with Sara,” Barry spat out, running a hand through his hair.

“I want to help,” Gideon pleaded, but Barry only scoffed at her efforts.

“Then stop!” Barry shouted aloud, throwing his hands around, frustrated. “Some things can’t be fixed, Gideon, and it doesn’t matter whether you’re an AI or a human being! Sometimes the only thing you can do is just stop digging into something which is not your business. Oliver lied to me.” Barry paused for a second, because his voice got broken of the tears and sobbing which was still unable to stop. It still just fucking hurt.

“I told him the whole truth, but he still decided to lie. He assured me that he is already over Sara, but that was just another crap coming from his stupid mouth. And this is something which even he can’t fix. So leave it alone, Gideon. There is nothing you can do,” Barry stated, sniffling at his sorrow and once again got his feet moving towards the main exit. Gideon let him go, because she was confused. She had no idea what had happened and the bitterness in Barry’s voice scared her beyond measures. She wanted to help, but she had no idea how.

And when it came to Barry, he really hoped and believed that no one would question his state after Gideon. However, luck was not on his side as he found himself once again not paying any attention to his surroundings. This wouldn’t prove to be a problem at all, if someone hadn’t stepped in his way, literally. And sooner than he would like to admit, he found himself once again bumping into Harry, spilling a coffee, which the older man was holding, all over his pullover. And saying that neither of them were exactly thrilled by this would be an understatement.

“Okay, I know I probably deserved this after today, but I still think that we should work on how we start our conversations, Barry,” Harry sighed, putting now completely empty cup aside, without looking at the brunet before him.

“No need, because I doubt that we will see each other after today. So you can stop being worried that this might happen again,” Barry snorted bitterly, which caused Harry to immediately raise his head and take a closer look at the man before him. His look instantly softened at the sight of swollen eyes submerged with blood and tears streaming down the brunet’s face like a waterfall. He immediately forgot about his spilled coffee and let only various scenarios appear in his head of what could’ve happened. But no matter how hard he tried, he always came into the same conclusion – Oliver had once again screwed up.

“What happened?” he gently asked, not daring to break the eye contact with the brunet even though the sight of his reddened eyes hurt him enormously.

“I just realized that you and Oliver are exactly alike. You both enjoy hurting me and neither of you care about what it could do to me. But now I’m done with you, so do me a favor and stay the hell out of my life,” Barry commanded with a threatening voice, narrowing his eyes and clenching his fists of the anger which had spread through his whole body like a cancer. After that the brunet walked away from the older man and headed towards the main exit, leaving STAR Labs behind.

Harry stayed stunned, unable to find any words. He wanted to run after Barry, to stop him, to find out more about what had happened, but somehow, he couldn’t convince his legs to move no matter how hard he tried. He had no idea what had caused such pain to the brunet. The only thing he knew was that this was not the first time Harry had seen him so furious. Back then when Barry and Oliver had had their first big fight, it was exactly the same. Only now it was countless times stronger. Which was one of the main reasons why Harry thought this was serious and needed to be fixed as soon as possible. So he immediately went after his foster son, hoping that if the brunet hadn’t given him any real answer, the blond would. And if not, then this was going to be a lot more difficult than he wanted it to be.

Fortunately, it didn’t take him long until he found the guilty man.

“What the hell did you do?” Harry asked him bitingly, crossing arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes. Oliver raised his head to face him, letting a confused frown settle on his face.

“What do you mean?” Oliver wondered, tilting his head to one side in an utter confusion.

“Don’t play dumb. You must have done something,” Harry spat out, running out of patience, clenching his jaw.

“Nothing I know of. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about,” Oliver persisted, shrugging hopelessly.

“I believe what Doctor Wells is trying to say is that Barry is mad at you,” Gideon offered.

“That’s definitely an understatement,” Harry scoffed and ran a hand down his face.

“Why would he be mad at me? The last time I saw him was just a few hours ago and we were okay,” Oliver pointed out and scratched his head.

“Really? Last time I saw him was just mere seconds ago and he was crying with his face completely flushed. I’ve never seen him so angry before so tell me – does that seem okay to you?” Harry questioned bitterly, pointing his finger at Oliver and thrusting it into the blond’s chest. However, Oliver was still completely clueless and he needed a little shove in the right direction.

“Barry thinks you lied to him. You assured him that being with Sara is no longer your desire, but that proved to be only another lie,” Gideon cleared up.

“Wait, so this is the problem? I don’t understand. Why would Barry think that you lied to him about this?” Harry wondered, stroking his invisible beard.

“There is no reason for him to think that. I made sure he would…. unless he eavesdropped without me noticing,” Oliver suddenly claimed, running a hand down his face as the realization struck him.

“What did you do, Oliver?” Harry asked sharply, coming closer to the blond before him.

“I told Sara I hadn’t stopped loving her. He must’ve heard it,” Oliver explained, cursing on himself silently and clenching his fists.

“Can you be even more stupid, you moron?”

“What was I supposed to do? She told me she still loved me. And I couldn’t tell her I no longer loved her. It’s called sensitivity. If you didn’t hear about it, you should try it, Harry,” Oliver pointed out, glaring at his foster dad with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Tell that to Barry. I’m sure he will be thrilled to listen,” Harry shot back angrily, narrowing his eyes.

“Stop saying it like it’s entirely my fault. If Barry at least stayed and heard the rest, none of this would’ve happened,” Oliver protested and massaged his temples with only frustration accompanying him.

“The rest? You mean, like this wasn’t your final word?” Harry questioned, lifting his eyebrows.

“No, of course not. After that the conversation headed towards him,” Oliver assured, scratching the back of his neck. But fortunately, his worries were reaching their end, because an idea appeared in Harry’s mind, which could solve this little problem.

“In that case, I think we have something which can fix this situation. And Barry is going to believe it either way,” Harry claimed confidently and headed towards the main computer in the room. Oliver immediately followed him, but still refused to let the realization struck him as well.

“What makes you so sure?” he asked, lowering his head of the embarrassment that he’d let things once again get complicated.

“We’ll just show him the truth, which he’s going to believe. And you, Gideon, are going to help us with that,” Harry commanded, typing on the computer in a quick motion.

“At your service,” Gideon simply agreed and together the three of them joined forces in finding a way how to fix this pointless mess. And fortunately, it didn’t take them long until everything was ready. After that the only thing they needed was to find the brunet. Fortunately, Gideon once again proved to be a huge help, considering she could track the brunet’s phone without any difficulties. And with that behind them, Oliver and Harry together headed towards Joe’s house. Oliver’s determination to fix his mistakes was stronger than ever. 

* * *

 

When Barry entered Joe's house, he wished with all his heart that his foster dad wouldn't be home. However, this day was already playing greatly against him and this fact was not going to be any difference.

He immediately headed towards his old room, but his brain was so astray, that he didn't even think about making less noise. And before he even reached the first stair Joe's voice came to the surface.

"You're early," Joe analyzed and frown of the confusion and Barry was trapped. If he turned around and showed his flushed and swollen face to the detective, Joe would immediately question him about it. Yet if he refused to look him in the eye Joe would suspect it and the conclusion would be exactly the same. It was a tough decision but in the end Barry chose to listen to his fears and instincts and refused to show his messed-up face to the older man.

"You okay, Bar?" Joe asked almost instantly when the silence started to be more suspicious.

"I'm fine," Barry replied, putting all his efforts into hiding his emotions. However, Joe was trained for this and the sudden bitterness in Barry's voice didn't escape his attention.

"I find it more than hard to believe," Joe claimed and quickly placed his hand on Barry's shoulder. This act immediately brought memories of Oliver into the brunet's mind, which caused him to flinch from the touch and pull away. If nothing else, this was finally a perfect proof that Barry was nowhere close being fine. And thankfully, Joe now managed to see Barry's face and even though Barry gave him barely two seconds, it was enough for him.

"What happened?" Joe asked with wide eyes flooded by concern.

"I don't want to talk about it," Barry denied and tried to reach his room, but Joe once again stopped him by catching him by his elbow gently.

"Bar-" Joe tried, but got rebuffed before even finishing his sentence. Barry immediately pulled out his arm from the comforting grasp and let his brain once again lose all patience.

"Stop, Joe! I mean it. I don't want to talk about it, so let me go. You couldn't have helped me when Patty died, you don't know how to help me now. Nothing's changed. So leave me alone please," Barry angrily growled and quickly made his way into his room with another wave of tears coming to get him. However, he was so emotionally down, that he forgot to lock the door of his room and thanks to that nothing was an obstacle for the detective when he knocked and opened the door. Barry didn't say anything as he was lying on the bed, his face snuggled to his pillow, getting wet by the unstoppable waterfall of tears streaming down his face. He didn't even care to notice Joe's presence until he felt a comforting hand pressed gently against his shoulder. Joe sat down on the bed beside him but stayed silent. He wanted to do whatever it took to help Barry but if the brunet really wished to be alone, there was nothing he could do about it. However, it took only a couple of seconds until Barry decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly with a broken voice, making it barely audible for the older man to hear him. Yet Joe didn't dare to let such precious words escape his attention.

"It's okay. You have every right to be mad, so why don't you tell me about it more? I might help," Joe carefully offered.

"You can't help me, Joe. No one can. Not even my dad or Iris. It just... it just hurts too much," Barry sobbed, letting even more tears out.

"Try me, Barry. I might surprise you," Joe sympathetically smiled and Barry lost all his determination to stay silent. He wanted this pain gone and as much as he knew that nothing could provide him that, his desperation was getting stronger and stronger as the seconds were flowing by. And with that being naive and believing that talking about it would help him didn't seem so surreal in his mind anymore. So he turned his head towards Joe and started talking with even more tears coming his way. But even though his head hurt enormously, the pain he was feeling in his heart couldn't be bested by anything. He wanted to close his eyes and just sleep without anything disturbing him. He wanted to finally have his peace. Without thinking about Sara, without thinking about Oliver. Because he knew that no matter how hard he tried, life was always going to be just about simply existing and surviving all its torture. It was never going to be about happiness. He was just simply out of luck. And thinking about it now, he didn't care about what could happen after his departure from this world, because nothing could be worse than this. This was a living hell for him. 

* * *

 

When Oliver and Harry managed to finally reach their destination, Harry immediately made his way to the entrance door and rang the bell, but he was already preparing his plan B as he suspected he might have to open the door on his own. However, a sound of steps stopped him and when the door opened on its own, he couldn't help but suspect that this was going to end up even more horrible.

"Please don't tell me you wanted to break into my house," Joe pleaded, frowning at how quickly Harry shoved something into his pocket.

"You know me, Joe. I always have a plan B," Harry smiled innocently at his friend.

"And you're getting better and better in making them up," Joe pointed out, rolling his eyes, annoyed.

"I need to talk to Barry," Oliver broke their chatter suddenly, running out of patience.

"Not gonna happen," Joe hissed, crossing arms over his chest. But before Oliver could carry on fighting for his rights, Harry jumped in.

"It's okay, Oliver, I got this," Harry assured, giving his son a small nod and then once again turning to face the detective. "Joe, I probably know what you're thinking. That Barry is hurt and it's Oliver's fault."

"I know it's his fault. Barry told me what happened. So no, Harry, I don't plan to change my mind if that's what you’re asking," Joe replied , glaring at Oliver who just sighed and lowered his head hopelessly. When he remembered how he'd been worried about how he and Barry were going to explain their not-so-friendly status to the older man, various scenarios had appeared in his head. Some of them good but most of them were a clear catastrophe. However, nothing could best this moment for him. Joe now saw him as the biggest enemy and thanks to that, glares that could kill were going to be the least of his problems.

"You see, that is the problem here, Joe, because it's all just a misunderstanding really," Harry claimed, placing a friendly arm over the detective's shoulders. But when the only respond from him happened to be just another death glare, Harry decided to back away.

"I didn't lie to him, Detective. I've already moved on from Sara," Oliver tried, taking the needed courage.

"So what? You’re trying to tell me that Barry is the liar?" Joe growled, narrowing his eyes.

"No one thinks that, Joe. I just really need to talk to Barry. Oliver will stay here, but please let me talk to him. I guarantee you I can help," Harry pleaded, tangling his fingers together. But Joe's look still hadn't softened.

"I don't think someone can help him and fix this mess right now. And honestly I'm not even sure I want you to help," Joe denied.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Harry spat out bitterly, frowning and throwing his hands around.

"It means that I want Queen to stay the hell out of my son's life."

"I'm sorry but I doubt that you have any say in this," Harry argued, standing right in front of his foster son protectively.

"If not me then who when I'm apparently the only one capable of thinking clearly right now. And don't try to defend him now, because you of all people should know what he's like. He doesn't care about other people's feelings. He doesn't give a damn when he hurts someone else. And don't even get me started on his reputation when it comes to dating. You might've tried to erase everything about him from this world, Harry, but that doesn't mean this city doesn't know what this son of a bitch is like. He brought only pain into Barry's life. And that makes him the last person I want around my son right now," Joe claimed bitterly. Oliver just let his head go down even lower, because he knew deep inside that denying these statements would only prove to be pointless. They were all right after all. No matter how hard he tried, he brought only pain with him. When he and Barry had met, Oliver had been nothing less than a dick to him. He'd made him hate and then quit his dream job. He'd rejected him when they'd kissed for the first time and now he'd decided to break the brunet's heart even more. Oliver Queen was really just a monster who didn't deserve such light and purity which Barry brought everywhere with him. And yet Oliver couldn't help but be selfish when it came to the brunet. Because deep inside he knew how much he really cared for him and how it would destroy him if he'd lost him one day.

He wanted to fight, wanted to get inside and find him as soon as possible and properly show him how he can't stop caring, how he can't stop his mind from flitting around aimlessly when Barry is close to him. But how could he when believing Joe's words about him seemed only easier and easier by the running seconds?

Harry on the other hand didn't back down. He stayed exactly where he was - right in front of Oliver, defending him like his life depended on it. And although Oliver seemed more than capable of taking care of himself, hearing those words hurt Harry more than he cared to admit. Because yes, Oliver wasn't exactly the most pleasant person on earth. He barely learned from his mistakes, he barely cared about the consequences of his actions, but those things could never make him a bad person. Harry refused to believe that.

"Oh, shut up, Joe. You have no right to talk about him this way," Harry spat out bitterly, shocking both detective and Oliver as well. The blond however didn't want to cause any more problems so he carefully placed his hand on Harry's elbow, hitting on the fact he didn't need his protection. Mostly when Harry's friendship with Joe was at stake because of that.

"Harry, you don't have to do this," Oliver whispered brokenly, but Harry just took a few steps closer to Joe, determined to carry on his actions. _I do, actually_ , the genius thought back to himself.

"You're right, Joe," Harry began. "I of all people should have him already figured out. Which also means that you don't know him like I do. You don't know that behind every little flaw within him, there is always hidden a gift which has far greater worth. You don't have even the slightest idea about who he is. You see him as a selfish, arrogant, careless asshole. Now I'm not saying you're completely wrong, but this world is much more complex and seeing him just in black and white is nothing less than ridiculous. You know what I see when I look at him?" An answer never came, because neither Oliver nor Joe dared to cut off Wells. And when Harry realized this, he took a deep breath and began talking once more.

"I see a man who's been through much more than he should have. I see someone who is trying to find his place on this unfair world, but has more difficulties than is healthy. He may be arrogant and ignorant towards other people's feelings, but can you really blame him when you know what he's been through? Maybe he's not the only one who has suffered so much. There could be countless other people like him. But you know what? Unlike them he is trying to change and be a better man not just for me or Felicity, but mostly for Barry. Because it doesn't matter how much you try to deny it, he cares deeply for him. That I'm sure of, because I see it every day when I look at him. And do you know what else I see?" Harry asked rhetorically, not even daring to turn his face towards Oliver and break his eye contact with the detective.

"I see the boy, which I took from that orphanage and gave him a chance to start a new life, a new chapter. That boy had the biggest heart I've ever seen and this hasn't changed. And let me tell you one thing - I've never, not even for a second, regretted taking him under my wing. Because he is a good person. I knew it right then, I know it right now. And Barry knows this too. Quite frankly, he's the best thing that had happened to Oliver. But you can't convince me that Oliver is just bad for your son, because he's not and you know it. You couldn't have helped Barry when he met once again with the man who had killed Patty. But you know who could and did help him? Oliver Queen. You can call him however you want. Playboy, conceited jerk, stubborn asshole, selfish moron, arrogant and ignorant idiot-"

"I think he gets it," Oliver cut him off with his face totally flushed.

"My point is that it doesn't matter what the world or you think about him. What matters is what Barry thinks about him. And I guarantee you that no matter how unbearable and annoying Oliver sometimes is, he makes Barry happy. So if you really care about him like you claim, you'll let me pass and give Oliver a chance to really prove himself.  Simple as that," Harry finished firmly and awaited Joe's response.

Meanwhile Oliver couldn't stop smiling of how touched he felt by Harry's words. No one had ever defended him like that and although the blond was usually distant from discovering new feelings, this one in particular was so incredibly soothing that he didn't care anymore. He didn't dare to let the idea of Harry lying enter his mind, because he was 100% sure that was not an option. They both knew each other so well that detecting when one of them was lying was like a piece of cake for them. And this one moment was no difference. Which was why Oliver cherished every word Harry had used. He stored them all in his mind, playing them all over and over again, because they gave him courage. That after everything, after all the world and people thought about him, he was still a good person. Those, who were close to his heart, knew this and that was all he wanted. And thanks to that, he was now completely sure that Barry and he were not over. Even if Harry failed to convince Barry, Oliver would find a way. Because deep in his heart, he knew that this was not how he wanted this chapter of his life to end. He'd been abandoned so many times, that he'd started building those walls around himself which would keep him from any more pain. And with that it was only a matter of time before he'd started abandoning everyone who happened to be too close. But now those walls were gone, thanks to Barry who had caused them to crumble and fall for good. Which was why Oliver decided to make one final decision - that this avoiding, this abandoning other people was going to end today. And he would never return to it. Not when the brunet was so much worth all the trouble.

After a short time of silence Harry still didn't back down from the eye contact he was keeping still with Joe. Not even an inch of his determination had slipped from his features. He still firmly stood by his words and wasn't ready to take another no as an answer. Fortunately for him, Joe became speechless and when he tried to think about what Harry had said, all the reasons for not letting him pass simply vanished. So he gave up and let Harry do his magic. As always.

"You can go, but he will stay here," Joe strictly commanded, slowly blinking of frustration. Harry finally broke the eye contact they held and tilted his head backwards triumphantly.

"Don't worry, he will. Thank you, Joe. You won't regret this," Harry smiled and followed Joe inside, leaving Oliver alone.

"I already do," Joe murmured bitterly, but opened the door regardless and let his friend enter. After that Oliver stayed alone with only hopes that Harry would succeed accompanying him. But no pressure was pressed against his shoulders, because he trusted the man. With all his heart. 

* * *

 

Harry immediately headed towards Barry's room with his heart beat quickened of how nervous he felt. The happiness of two men who were so in love with each other that it couldn't be any more obvious was at stake and he needed to do whatever it took to fix it. Failing either of them now just didn't seem like an option.

When he reached the right room, he gently knocked, but didn't await any answer. He simply walked in and when he spotted broken Barry sitting on the ground, leaning his back on his bed with his head pressed against his elbows, he couldn't help but sigh at the sight before him. The brunet immediately raised his head as he heard sudden movement and when he spotted Harry, the expression on his face reached just a completely new level of bitterness.

"I know that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now," Harry started before the brunet could say something and made a few slow steps towards him. "Or now when I think about it, I might be the third last person you want to see right now. Last would be Oliver and before that would probably be Sara.”

"Leave me alone, Doctor Wells. I'm not in the mood," Barry spat out harshly, tangling his fingers with his messed-up hair. Harry, however, didn't consider backing down as an option, so he made another set of small, slow steps towards the brunet and when he was already close enough he sat down on the ground next to him, keeping the safe distance between them.

"Pity, because I think we need to talk," Harry stated carefully and lifted his eyebrows at the brunet. And the fact Barry's face was still flushed and watery by the tears which were still not completely capable of stopping flowing didn't escape his attention.

"We don't. This is not your business so stay out of it," Barry shot back, annoyed, refusing to make an eye contact with the older man.

"You're wrong. Considering this is Oliver's problem, it is also my problem and I'm going to fix it," Harry claimed confidently.

"Oliver Queen has no problem. He can be finally happy with the woman he loves and I won't stay in his way," Barry murmured sourly, running a hand down his face, because saying those words still hurt like hell.

"You truly believe that? Or are you just trying to make yourself believe that?"

"I know it's true and even if it weren't, what makes you think that you can change my mind about it? You of all people?" Barry asked bitterly, turning his head towards Harry and keeping an eye contact with him still. In that time Harry could see just another wave of tears preparing to cut loose in the brunet's eyes. Thanks to that he was only more determined to make them all vanish.

"Because I have something which no one has," Harry claimed and reach for something in the pocket of his pants. After that he placed his cell phone on the ground right in front of Barry and pressed a few buttons right before speaking once again: "Isn't that right, Gideon?"

"Correct, Doctor Wells," Gideon agreed, which forced Barry to lift his head once again and look at the phone before him.

"How did you..." Barry tried, but let remaining words get astray.

"You mean putting her into my phone? Please, Barry, that's a child's play," Harry pointed out and smiled. However, Barry didn't return the kind gesture. He kept the expression on his face cold and broken.

"You still didn't tell me how this is going to help me," Barry remarked, rolling his eyes.

"When you eavesdropped today on Oliver's conversation with Sara, you managed to hear only a slight piece of it. Without my knowledge, I accomplished to record it whole. Doctor Wells believes you might want to hear it complete," Gideon explained. But Barry wasn't thrilled by this idea at all.

"You want me to listen to how they express their undying love for one another? What kind of a monster even wants that from a person?" Barry claimed, throwing his hands around, frustrated.

"Of course not. The only thing I want, Barry, is to give you a choice. That's why I came here. I'm not gonna push you into anything. I just want you to choose wisely, because this decision is going to have consequences and I want you to be okay with that."

"I doubt I can be okay ever again after today," Barry sobbed, letting one tear come out of his eye.

"That's just the thing. You see, from all I know you believe that Oliver lied to you about his feelings towards Sara and fooled you by saying that he wanted you. But I still wonder - is this really what you believe in?" Harry asked, cocking his head to one side.

"You didn't hear him say it. He meant every damn word and I let him fool me," Barry cursed on himself sorrowfully, allowing even more tears to come out of darkness.

"You're right. I wasn't there. Gideon heard it, but she's too young to understand this yet. But you were there. You heard him say it and I know that it hurts now. The truth is that if you really believe that Oliver meant what he said to her, you don't need to listen to their conversation. But if even an inch of you is struggling with accepting this sort of truth then I advise you to take this risk of feeling pain once again. Oliver didn't lie to her, that's for sure, but if I were you, I would rather hear the whole truth before making any conclusions."

After saying that Harry stayed silent, deciding to let Barry accept this information and think it through. However, his insides were secretly begging and pleading, hoping that the brunet would choose to listen to it. Otherwise, Harry was not sure whether he would be able to look in Oliver's eye once again after this. He knew it wasn't his fault, but neither was Oliver's. This was just a simple misunderstanding and if Harry weren't capable of fixing it, this would be called his biggest failure of all time for sure.

Barry didn't dare to speak, didn't dare to move. He just endlessly stared at the phone before him on the ground. Part of him wanted to crush that thing and shutter it into million pieces, because it believed that nothing on it would make him feel any better. But the other part of him wanted to reach for that phone more than anything on this world honestly, just to hear the whole truth, even if it hurt. This resulted in him being completely torn and clueless. He had no idea what to do. And then suddenly a thought of Oliver appeared in his mind and before he could stop it, it emerged into one particular memory. He remembered how he'd been so full of rage when he'd met Mardon again. He'd been so furious, that he'd thought nothing could make him feel better, that nothing could ease his pain. But then Oliver had walked in once again and saved him like it was the easiest thing on earth. And it wasn't because Barry had shouted at him, pushed him away multiple times, doubted him even more, but Oliver still hadn't left him. He'd stayed and kept trying until the rage within Barry had vanished completely. And this memory was so strong and so vivid in his mind, that everything else stopped holding any meaning. Even Oliver's confession of love disappeared from the brunet's mind for a short moment. The only thing that mattered was that Barry felt this sort of rage within himself right in this particular moment and he wanted it gone. And with that the final decision came and stayed in his heart.

When Barry reached for the phone, Harry stood up and headed towards the door. "I'll give you a minute," he murmured and headed downstairs after Joe. And so Barry once again stayed silent. Yet he didn't dare to change his mind. He lowered the volume of the phone and slowly placed it to his ear.

"Gideon, are you there?" Barry asked carefully with a broken voice.

"Yes, Dad, I'm here," Gideon replied kindly and awaited a command. Barry stayed silent for a short moment once again, scared to say anything. But at the same time, he knew he needed this. For probably the last time in his life, he was ready to let himself be naive once more.

"Could you... could you please play me that conversation?" he asked sheepishly, trying so hard to hold the tears back from streaming down his face, but failing miserably. However, there was no coming back from it now. He needed to do this.

"At once," Gideon beamed and pressed play of the recorded conversation and Barry listened to it. He didn't dare to say anything, didn't dare to move, not even when he wanted to just wipe his tears away. The only thing he cared about was swallowing every word which Oliver or Sara said.  Because of that it happened multiple times that without his knowledge he forgot to breathe properly, but in the end he managed to do both listen and breathe even though the tears streaming down his face were like a tsunami destroying everything in its way. And when the moment of truth came and Oliver and Sara confessed their love for one another, Barry felt like he was going to suffocate. Feeling this pain once again was an utter torture, which made him believe that he wasn't going to survive hearing the rest. However, before he let the last inches of himself give up, he heard Sara's voice once again come to the surface.

_But you love him more_. When those words managed to fully enter his mind, everything stopped for him. He stopped breathing, stopped paying any attention to the rest of the conversation. Because the sound of that one particular but was all that was needed to turn his world upside down. To make that pain disappear. And not just that.

He immediately pressed pause and kept replaying that one particular sentence, because no matter how many times he heard it, it always felt like he just heard it for the first time. However, after countless repeats of that one simple sentence he accepted this information and decided to not get his hopes up. He still didn't hear Oliver's answer after all. And so he took the last inches of the remaining courage within him and pressed play for the last time and after that he didn't dare to start another loop by repeating sentences. Why not? Because he no longer needed it. Hearing Oliver saying the whole truth for the first time was enough to make him believe that. And he did. With all his heart.

A deep gasp of happiness escaped his mouth as the soothing feeling settled and spread through his whole body, once again fueling him with its warmth. And with that he let last tears come out of darkness and stream down his face, but this time they symbolized something completely different. Before, he'd been full of rage and sorrow. He'd wanted to be left alone for an eternity, because he'd hated his life more than anything, hated Oliver more than anything. But now, when he knew the whole truth, it turned him inside out. And the indescribable happiness which was now flowing through his veins was enough to make all his doubts disappear. Because Oliver had chosen him over Sara. That blond had never even thought about returning to her. Barry was his final choice. And because of this realization, the brunet couldn't feel more touched and at the same time more stupid for doubting his boyfriend so much before. He'd let his paranoia take over him, his doubts to overwhelm him and this was the result. He'd just complicated even things, which were supposed to be one of the most easiest ones in his life. More curses escaped his mouth on his account as he couldn't stop hating himself for what horrible mistake he had done.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Gideon asked suddenly, breaking him from his trance.

"I have no idea," he murmured silently as a reply and shook his head.

"In that case, may I give you an advice?"

"Please."

"Get up and go after him," Gideon firmly stated and after that Barry didn't need to be commanded twice. He finally found the strength to make his legs move again and to stand up. After that he immediately headed out of his room, running down the stairs and meeting Joe and Harry in the process.

"Where is he?" Barry hopelessly asked, determined to do whatever it took to find Oliver.

"He's waiting for you outside. Good luck, Barry," Harry wished and offered the brunet a warm encouraging smile. For the first time during this day, Barry actually returned it in a quick motion, while placing the phone on the nearest table and then made his way to the entrance door, opening them instantly. Oliver was meanwhile helplessly sitting on porch stairs and thinking, but as soon as he heard the door behind him open, he instinctively stood up and turned around to see the brunet. And when his blue eyes spotted the face and hazel green eyes he loved so much now reddened of anger, his heart stopped beating. And noticing the trails of tears down Barry's face caused him even more pain. However, he had no time to dwell on it. The brunet instantly made his way to him and prepared himself for what was coming. Because if Barry needed to say something, he needed to say it right now without anything cutting him off. Because this, them, was far more important and he wasn't ready to lose it. He'd made a mistake but thanks to Harry he'd realized it and now he was more than willing to do anything to fix it. So he took one last deep breath and let the truth all out.

"I know what you're thinking," Barry started sheepishly, fiddling with his fingers nervously. Oliver kept an eye contact with him and stayed silent until Barry would need him to break it. "I suspected you unrightfully for still being in love with Sara. Even though you explained to me that wasn't the case anymore, I refused to believe it fully. Which was why I decided to eavesdrop on you. I wanted to make sure you meant what you said. And as a result, I ended up punished and heartbroken." Saying this couldn't feel any more difficult, because Barry still wasn't capable of shaking off the feeling of guilt which was sitting on his chest, making his breathing cycle even countless times harder. But at the same time, he knew that if he'd given up now, he would never forgive himself for that. Another wave of tears was fighting its way to the surface, but the brunet refused to let it out this time. _No more crying. No more running_ , he silently whispered to himself and with another deep breath continued his confession.

"I was mad at you, furious even. I fully loathed you for what you had done to me. And then I decided to listen to the whole conversation, because some part of me kept believing that there was still some hope for us. And the feeling which appeared afterwards was one of the greatest I’ve ever felt, actually. It made me realize that I don't want to be mad at you, I no longer want anger to symbolize who I am. Before, I didn't care, but now I do and I'm tired of these paranoid thoughts. I want them gone more than anything, but at the same time I realize that that is never gonna happen. I mean, you're Oliver Queen," Barry claimed and scratched the back of his neck. "Every girl's dream. And with Sara you have history. Comparing to her I'm just a piece of trash. She is beautiful, caring and funny. And me? A wretched person who has been hurt so much that he's already started suspecting other people for abandoning him without thinking it through. I'm jealous of every girl who lays her eyes on you, because deep down I know that I'm out of your league and I have no idea why of all people you could've picked, you chose me. I don't deserve it. I doubted you, I didn't trust you and that's not okay. Honestly it couldn't be farther from it. And I know I screwed up badly. Maybe I can't promise it won't happen again, but I want to make this right. I want this rage gone and quite frankly, you're the only one who can help me with that. But I'll understand if you say no. If that's really what you want, I won't stand in your way." After that was said, Barry looked right into the blue eyes of his boyfriend before him desperately searching for an answer. But the stoic expression the blond carried on using was making it nearly impossible for him. And when Barry thought that the silence accompanying them couldn't get any more unbearable, Oliver finally decided to speak up.

"I don't really blame you, Barry," Oliver softly admitted and put his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, I find that hard to believe," Barry scoffed which caused Oliver to sheepishly smile.

"So you really believe that I'm too good for you? That I'm with you just out of pity?" Oliver asked and raised his eyebrows at the brunet. Yet Barry stayed silent, because the embarrassment in all his features was grouping and silencing any hope he held.

"Barry Allen, will you ever learn?" Oliver questioned with a small smirk fighting its way to the surface. "You might be a wretched person with exaggerating paranoid thoughts and jealous tendency, but I knew this before and it still didn't stop me from choosing you. And honestly, if the same thing happened to me, I would be exactly the same and even worse. Suspicious, jealous, paranoid, that's nothing new for me mostly when it comes to you. Do you really think that I don't know how this feels?"

"But you have no right to be worried. You can have whoever you want whenever you want, because you're rich, handsome as hell and your arms are like twice the size of mine. Well, not technically, but you know what I mean,” Barry nervously pointed out with his cheeks flushed of embarrassment, running a hand through his hair before taking another breath to stabilize himself. “You might not know this, but because of that it's really hard to not stare at you for at least a minute.”

"I've already told you, that those girls don’t matter to me, Barry. You do. And besides, believe it or not, it's hard to take eyes off you as well. There is just something about you, which makes it enormously difficult. Those glittering green eyes, that warm smile, your carefree laugh. And I'm not the only one who thinks this. And those, who do, stare at you as well."

"No, that's not true. I'm sure I would've noticed that by now," Barry protested and frowned shooting the man before him an unimpressed look.

"I'm sure you would've if I weren't so jealous all the time. I'm sure I'm already Charlie's biggest fear right now after all the death glares I’ve dedicated her," Oliver sheepishly admitted and smiled at the ground.

"Really? Oliver Queen is jealous because of me?" Barry asked, letting a small smirk appear on his face. It was a small step but it definitely brought some light to the brunet which Oliver so desperately missed.

"Not that I'm proud of that, but I apparently can't help myself when it comes to you. I mean, you of all people should know what an asshole I was."

"It wasn't that bad," Barry protested, chuckling slightly.

"Cut the crap, Barry. You know I'm right," Oliver scoffed, waving his hand dismissively.

"Okay, you're right. You were an ass back then, but the important thing is that you're not like that anymore," Barry pointed out and carefully placed his hand on the blond's elbow. The fact Oliver didn't stiffen at the gesture put his mind in a little ease.

"Thanks to you. Because many people have tried to fix me, to teach me some manners. Every one of them failed in the end. You didn't. I've changed because of you," Oliver claimed, smiling warmly at his boyfriend, meaning every word seriously. "You showed me that life doesn't hurt so badly unless I let it. And most of all, you gave me the reason to start living again and to leave all my past behind. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, Barry." The sincerity in Oliver's voice was so pure that Barry no longer had any courage to doubt it. He didn't let his paranoia take over him. In fact, such thought hadn't even entered his mind. Only a soothing feeling stayed, illuminating his whole body and keeping him warmer than ever before. Thanks to that the worries, doubts, suspicions, it all got silenced and disappeared, leaving no trace it had ever been there.

Yet his heart didn't let any words to come to his mind. And although he worried, whether Oliver would take this as a bad sign, his speechlessness was mercilessly holding him back. Not willing to let go of him. And before he could overcome it completely, the blond moved past by him and sat down once again on the porch stairs. Without getting any hint, Barry immediately followed the suit and sat down right next to him. However, he still couldn’t find any courage to get too close to the blond. Something was still holding him back.

"Do you remember that night we spent on the roof of our apartment?" Oliver asked suddenly, breaking the unbearable silence. "You remember what we talked about?"

"I think I told you about this one man who had told me I was nothing more than just a burden," Barry pointed out, tilting his head slightly backwards.

"After that," Oliver demanded, grinning and letting a small blush appear on his face.

"You said 'what a dick'," Barry teased, smirking freely.

"How is it possible that you remember this so well?" Oliver wondered, chuckling and blushing sheepishly.

"When it comes to you, Ollie, I have an eidetic memory of my own," Barry carried on teasing, giggling afterwards. And Oliver followed, because he was very glad that they were once again capable of being so carefree as they should be. They once again found the mutual presence of one another more precious than anything. Or maybe they never stopped thinking that.

"Then use it, genius. There was something you said that changed everything," Oliver demanded gently and gripped Barry's hand tightly. And with that Barry really didn't need much time until it struck him.

"Partners, right?" he asked with small smile.

"And what do partners do?"

"Get on each other's nerves?" Barry teased innocently.

"Other than that," Oliver chuckled, but soon after that regained his serious look. That caused Barry to enter his mind properly and start thinking for real. Yet he secretly knew the answer all along, because after all he'd been through, this sort of riddle was no problem. It didn't matter what kind of partners they were or how they felt about another. They could love, hate, loathe or be oblivious towards each other, but when they fully trusted the other one, nothing else mattered. Because that was what was needed right from the beginning - this little thing called trust. The exact same thing which Barry had needed from Oliver during the night when he wanted to help to make the nightmares disappear. And the one very thing that had convinced Barry to stop being silent about his problems towards Oliver. It was only thanks to their mutual trust that he'd decided to share it with him in the day of his emotional breakdown. And this kind of trust was precious, accompanying them everywhere they went. Because without it, there would be no them. And this statement had never stopped being true. They'd just let themselves got astray from this road and now when they finally found each other, neither of them was ready to let that happen again.

"This is never going to work if we don't trust each other, Barry," Oliver claimed sorrowfully. Instead of a reply the brunet leaned his head on Oliver's shoulder, begging whoever was willing to listen. _It can work and it will_. But no words managed to come out of his mouth. He was just too scared that Oliver would leave him regardless of what he said. Such cruel idea was literally tearing him mercilessly apart.

Yet thankfully, it was like the blond could read his mind, because after a few more seconds Oliver turned his head towards Barry and squeezed the hand of his lover reassuringly.

"Lucky for us, we're both too stubborn to stop trying to accomplish that now," Oliver pointed out with a warm smile. Barry's heart fluttered at the sound of those words and he couldn't help but sheepishly return the smile, gripping the older man's arm tightly, unwilling to let go now.

"I know that part of you still loves her and I want you to know that I understand that. She was a huge part of your life and something like that can't just simply disappear. Maybe it never will. When it comes to me, what happened with Patty will probably never leave me completely alone. But the important thing is that it's part of who you are. It's not a flaw, it's not any kind of sign showing your imperfection. It's just another thing that formed the person I see today. And I don’t want this person to leave. Not now, not ever. I've already learned how to trust you. I can learn it again." After this was spoken, they both knew that this was not the time to give up. Because after all, this little problem wasn’t supposed to show them how imperfect their relationship was. It was supposed to show them that what they held was far more greater than a romantic affection. They were bonded by a friendship. That kind of friendship, which would survive everything if they’d decided to protect it at all cost. They might’ve erased all borders of a friendzone, but they had never stopped being friends.

“You know, Ollie, you keep saying that you changed thanks to me. That I made you a better person, but I honestly don’t think that’s true,” Barry once again spoke up, scratching the back of his neck. “You haven’t changed, because you were like this the whole time. You just refused to show it to this world, because you didn’t have any reason to. But this nice, caring, thoughtful, compassionate person with all their flaws has been here the whole time, just waiting for the right time to come out of the darkness. I know this, because I’ve seen it before. I always knew you had it in you.” The brunet offered him another warm smile, which couldn’t leave Oliver cold no matter how hard he would try. Because the heat from his blushing cheeks refused to stay in one place. Instead of that, it grouped and spread everywhere where he needed it to be. And amongst many things it taught him one important thing – that love did indeed strange things to people. Before, Oliver had been worried all the time, afraid to take any risks, because he’d known that in the end it would only bring him more pain. No such thought wasn’t true anymore. With Barry, he was ready for the risks, ready for the tears and for the heartbreaks as well. Because the brunet’s presence gave him the courage he so desperately needed. And not just that. If the brunet stumbled, Oliver wanted to be there to catch him in time. And even if he’d fallen, the blond would help him stand up once again. Because that was what partners did. And that was exactly what they were and always had been.

“So are you ready to move forward from this? For good?” Barry asked, raising one of his eyebrows at the blond.

“Can’t wait actually. And you’re ready?” Oliver replied, lifting Barry's hand to his mouth and pressing a tender kiss on it. And Barry’s soothing smile was the perfect proof that he liked the gesture.

"More than ever before," Barry agreed confidently and together with the blond stood up now fully facing him. He let his eyes once again wander to Oliver's blue ones and soon after that he once again got lost in them. Which caused him to wish one last thing, which would seal their reconciliation for good. So he slowly leaned in, but before anything could happen, he felt a sudden loss of the blond’s presence which caused him only to whine. And when he opened his eyes and saw Oliver walking away, he couldn’t help but dedicate the older mean a death glare.

"You are going to leave just like that?" he scoffed, crossing arms over his chest unbelievingly.

"I am, because I know that Joe is watching and honestly, I don't want to die just yet," Oliver explained, turning around to look at his lover for the last time. "But don't worry. We are not done with each other today yet."

"What's today?" Barry asked, confused, cocking his head to one side.

"Our date, so see you there," Oliver claimed and winked at his boyfriend, leaving afterwards. More happy and relieved than ever.

“But are we seriously gonna ignore the fact that you used Sara’s voice to modify Gideon’s?” Barry teased the blond, smirking even though Oliver refused to look back.

“Bye, Barry,” Oliver put him down without turning around to face him. He just simply continued walking, because after all he had a date to plan. And he already couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that this little twist was worth the trouble in the end :). Thankfully, Harry and Gideon don’t want their little family to perish, which makes them saviors. And now prepare for happiness… for now ;).


	22. Place, where never rains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I were you, Bar, I would be thankful that I didn't cover your mouth as well," Iris chuckled and Oliver instantly joined her.
> 
> "Hilarious, really. But are you finally going to put this down or what?" Barry growled, crossing his arms over his chest.
> 
> "Not yet. You still haven't seen the surprise," Oliver protested and turned his gaze towards Iris. "Thank you for bringing him here, Iris."
> 
> "My pleasure. Enjoy your night, you two," Iris wished with a warm smile and then turned to her best friend. "Be good, Barry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fluffy chapter, which, I hope, will make you smile. Not sure about the ending though… ;)

“Is this really necessary?” Barry asked, complaining and gesturing to the piece of cloth covering his eyes.

“Oliver’s idea, not mine,” Iris pointed out, keeping her eyes straight on the road while driving the car.

“Since when are you doing exactly what he wants?”

“He asked me for a favor, Bar. Why would I say no to that? And besides, why is this such a huge problem for you?” Iris wondered.

“Because living without my main sense is definitely like a walk through park, isn’t it?” Barry snorted, annoyed.

“Or maybe you just can’t wait to see what he prepared for you,” Iris pointed out, smirking even though the brunet couldn’t see it.

“But why does he have to complicate everything so much?” Barry complained, running a hand through his hair.

“You can ask him yourself, because we are already here,” Iris announced and stopped the car. Getting on his feet proved to be no problem for the brunet. However, walking on an unknown surface, surrounded by a secret area was a completely different thing and without his sight, he wasn’t sure whether trying it on his own would be a wise idea. But thankfully Iris immediately rushed to him and motioned him to hold onto her arm. And as he reluctantly followed her lead, he couldn’t help but felt annoyed by the game they were playing. Which was why coming up with new insults on his boyfriend’s account suddenly seemed to be much easier than ever before. Because the guilty man deserved them all.

“Everything okay?” Barry heard Oliver’s voice coming to the surface, which caused him instantly to smile without any logical reason. And the annoyance was suddenly gone as well, as it had never even existed. Just the happiness and excitement stayed, wandering through his mind.

“Well, Barry couldn’t stop complaining during the whole way here, but other than that, everything was fine,” Iris assured with a smile.

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” Oliver pointed out and returned the kind gesture to the woman before him.

“Guys, I know I can’t see anything right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here,” Barry pointed out, snorting that they were talking about him like he wasn’t even present. Instead of any reply, he heard a sudden movement aimed towards himself and actually smiled when he felt Oliver’s lips pressed against his cheek in the most tender way.

“If I were you, Bar, I would be thankful that I didn't cover your mouth as well," Iris chuckled and Oliver instantly joined her.

"Hilarious, really. But are you finally going to put this down or what?" Barry growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Not yet. You still haven't seen the surprise," Oliver protested and turned his gaze towards Iris. "Thank you for bringing him here, Iris."

"My pleasure. Enjoy your night, you two," Iris wished with a warm smile and then turned to her best friend. "Be good, Barry."

"I'm always good. Tell that to him," Barry scoffed and nudged the man next to him. After that Iris turned around towards her car and left the two lovebirds alone. When Barry heard the sound of her car fading with time, he looked in the direction where he suspected Oliver was.

"Are you sure you don't want to take this off me?" he asked hopefully, motioning to his covered eyes.

"Of course not. That would definitely ruin all the fun," Oliver smirked.

"For you maybe, but for all I know we could be anywhere. Maybe you're secretly kidnapping me and I won't be able to do anything about it," Barry pointed out, cocking his head to one side.

"I guess that you just have to trust me with this," Oliver teased cleverly, reminding the brunet of the conversation they'd had before.

"You're horrible, you know that?" Barry snorted but let a small smile settle on his face.

"Let's see if you change your mind after we're done," Oliver announced and entangled his fingers with the brunet's, tugging him gently along the right way. And even though some complains managed to escape Barry's mouth, he secretly enjoyed his temporary blindness. Because the feeling of Oliver gripping his hand tightly and guiding him through the robe of darkness shook off any worry, any slight thought of irritancy. The fact the blond was always so close was doing wonders to all his features, making him believe that it didn’t matter where they were or if he could see, hear or not, there was no place he would rather be. And thanks to that, he no longer felt the need to complain about his inability to see. Now he could finally see the hidden magic. And when he managed to stumble and Oliver caught him without any difficulties, no one needed to know that it was just another excuse for him to be even closer.

And even after minutes of walking, making the smile on his face disappear seemed only more and more impossible. The happiness couldn’t fade or run away. It could only grow. And he willingly let it, until it would reach the sky above them and there would be no more space for it.

A palm, pressed gently against his chest, motioning him to stop, teared him from his fantasies. Although he had no idea where they were, he wasn’t completely clueless as multiple hints managed to find their way to him. The ground beneath his feet was rough and uneven. The area was totally vacant as no voices managed to find his ears. Only sounds of crickets playing their serenade and sough of leaves kept accompanying them. And thanks to that guessing where they were, was no longer a problem. His other senses made sure of that.

He felt as the hand, pressed against his chest, slowly backed down from the contact. Yet Oliver didn’t dare to separate himself from the brunet. Instead of that, he made a step forward, causing Barry’s heart to flutter as his breath wandered off to the brunet’s face and started tenderly tickling him. A feeling so simple and common still couldn’t fail in making his whole body shiver.

"You're staring," Barry stated, letting a small grin appear on his face.

"Maybe. Does it bother you?" Oliver asked, smirking shamelessly at the brunet.

"Not at all. It just isn't fair, you know? When I can't stare at you as well," Barry pointed out and lifted his eyebrows at the man before him.

"That's not my problem. I can't complain," Oliver teased.

"Didn't you say that my glittering eyes are one of the things that you like about me? Wouldn't it be better if you could see them too?" Oliver didn't say anything to it. And when Barry heard sudden movement and stopped feeling Oliver's breath against his skin, he started being worried. Thankfully, his worries got silenced as the blond made barely audible sound and rubbed his nose gently against Barry's. This provocation made his heart flutter but before Oliver could back away, the brunet caught his lips, connecting them in a small, tender kiss. Yet Oliver didn't let him deepen it. Instead of that, his hand wandered off to the piece of cloth and untied brunet's eyes while breaking off the kiss at the same time. And because of that, the return of Barry's sight didn't bring him any joy.

"You're unbelievable," Barry snorted and shook his head judgmentally.

"Don’t forget that this is still our first date," Oliver pointed out, lifting one of his eyebrows and smirking at his lover lovingly. Because of that, a familiar scent came to the surface, shutting off everything else. And when Barry managed to place it correctly, his eyes flitted over to the area behind his boyfriend, causing his pupils to widen as the realization struck him.

However, the fact he could finally see the place they were in didn’t escape his attention. And he didn’t even need a second to find the right answer, because he knew this place very well. After all he’d brought Oliver here first in the exact same day when the rage had overtaken him and forced him to flee. And although this memory couldn’t do anything else than just depress him, good ones popped up at the sight of this place too, which held much bigger meaning. With Oliver here, there was a very good chance more memories like that would be born tonight or someday in the future. And such thought was worth all the trouble.

The scenery couldn’t be any more astonishing. Bright colors of sunset ruled the sky as they decorated everything they could touch. Multiple shades of yellow, orange and pink were flitting over, carrying on casting their magic to their last breath. And even though the daylight was still slowly fading, Barry couldn’t care less as the candles scattered on the blanket stretched out on the ground proved to be more than enough to not let the darkness overtake them completely. And quite frankly, they were doing much more than that. As they were twinkling in unison, no one dared to question their meaning. Because it was crystal clear that most of the magic was hidden directedly in them, shining through their flames of hope. Which was why their presence was one of the main things which helped the whole scenery in reaching its perfectness. And because of that Barry couldn’t help but wonder. He’d never thought that Oliver Queen would be such a romantic soul.

After that he once again tried to focus on the familiar scent. Its traits could not be any more recognizable. A scent so common to him would never stay hidden for long. Because of all possible things on earth, this scent was one of the few which would never fail to make him smile.

"Please, tell me that you ordered it," Barry begged, curling his eyebrows at the blond.

"I would tell you that, but the truth is that I don't want to lie to you," Oliver smartly replied, the corners of his lips twisting into a slight smirk.

"So you made me a pizza by yourself? Is there something you can't do?" Barry wondered, lifting one of his eyebrows slightly.

"Many things, actually. For example singing and dancing. But I heard that's your specialty." These words startled Barry, leaving him completely speechless and awkwardly blushing. That cast a smile across Oliver's face, because he just loved the sight of his boyfriend not being able to fight the heat in his cheeks. And meanwhile Barry was just secretly cursing in Cisco for revealing this to Oliver.

"So you did go through all that trouble just because of our first date?" Barry changed the subject quickly, to make the red color fade from his features sooner. "Normal couples go on dinners, you know?"

"Yeah, but that's boring, don't you think? And besides, thanks to you I now know about this beautiful place. It would be shame to not use it. Though I hope you don't mind," Oliver explained, his eyes suddenly getting flooded by concern, which caused Barry to sheepishly blush.

"No, of course not. It’s perfect," Barry softly assured his lover by reaching for his hand and tangling them lovingly together. And the warm smile on his face was enough to make Oliver's worry disappear. Oliver returned the kind gesture, squeezing brunet’s hand lovingly and tugging him along to sit down at the blanket on the ground. And when he uncovered the precious meal he could literally see how Barry's pupils widened wildly.

"This is your way of getting into someone's heart?" Barry asked, inhaling the loving scent with all his strength.

"Depends. Is it working?" Oliver wondered, cocking his head to one side.

"We'll see about that. If it's the same as your pancakes, then I suppose you'll just have to try harder," Barry teased and smirked shamelessly at the man sitting beside him.

"Oh yeah? In that case, you shouldn't force yourself into eating it. I won't mind, because I really don't want to make you feel comfortable. Just let me take that away from you," Oliver sarcastically pointed out, covering the golden meal and showing his fake concern.

"Don't you dare, Ollie. You can't eat it on your own. You don't want to get fat, do you?" Barry remarked, grinning without anything holding him back. At that Oliver had no more to say so he let a small smile appear on his face and with that he once again uncovered the treasure, causing the brunet to slobber. And such sight couldn't leave him cold no matter how hard he tried. But instead of showing his amusement he decided to take a bite from his masterpiece after a few moans of pleasure managed to escape Barry's mouth. And although he knew the brunet had been just messing with him before, it still brought him a huge joy to see how his boyfriend cherished his efforts. Oliver was after all known for his cooking skills amongst other things. He'd cooked for Felicity and Sara multiple times, but their approval had never given him such strong satisfaction as the one coming from the brunet. Just the fact he could make Barry smile was enough to make his heart flutter.

Barry couldn't believe it. Even though he knew that with Oliver's brain, everything was possible, something was telling him that the blond would always find a smart way how to surprise him even more. Taking bites of this golden treasure was like entering paradise over and over again - Barry couldn't get enough of it. Which was why he decided to use every second of enjoying this moment by chewing so slowly, that by the time he was finished Oliver was just observing him, sun was asleep and the pizza was already cold.

“So what do you think?” Oliver asked, raising his eyebrows when the brunet managed to finish off the last piece. Barry immediately stopped floating over how the tastes were still spreading through his mouth and regained his charming smirk back.

“Well, I must say that you’re getting better. Although next time we should just get something from Coast City Pizza. Nothing can best that,” Barry teased and grinned devilishly.

“Why am I even trying? Nothing can make you happy, can’t it?” Oliver sighed, frowning of annoyance how Barry was messing with him.

“I am happy now, so I guess that something has already accomplished it,” Barry admitted sincerely and offered the man before him a reassuring smile. And when Oliver returned it gladly, Barry shifted closer to him so their shoulders were pressed against each other. And without any warning the brunet leaned his head gently on Oliver’s shoulder and the blond refused to do anything less than cherish it unthinkably, by leaning his head tenderly on the brunet’s. That caused Barry to sincerely smile, because that feeling of peacefulness which he’d yearned for finally managed to bump into him and stay with him. He’d used to be a vacant person. Now it seemed like the joy, overflowing him, was measureless. Before, accomplishing this had been something impossible. But he did it anyway.

“Why here?” Barry suddenly asked after a short moment of silence. “I mean, of all places we could go to, why did you choose this as the perfect first date?”

“I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get jealous of waitresses serving us,” Oliver teased, letting a small smirk settle on his face.

“Thank you very much for your concern,” Barry chuckled slightly. “But you can’t simply tell me that your empathy was the only reason.”

“Maybe I just wanted to enjoy this moment fully. The more people are around, the harder it gets,” Oliver sheepishly admitted, lowering his head and playing with a blade of grass. “And besides, this place is special.”

“It definitely is. Many things happened here, important things. Like our first hug,” Barry pointed out, smiling sincerely and slipping his hand into Oliver’s.

“And we held hands here for the first time,” Oliver remarked, squeezing brunet’s hand lovingly.

“That’s not exactly true,” Barry protested, furrowing his eyebrows and raising his head from Oliver’s shoulder. “You probably don’t know this, but when you were unconscious in STAR Labs, I came by… a few times.”

“I’m aware of that,” Oliver grinned reassuringly at his lover, still not letting go of his hand.

“There was this one time when I was checking your wrists after what happened, even though they were perfectly fine. And for some reason, I ended up holding your hand without even realizing it. I guess, I just felt like you wouldn’t leave that way,” Barry admitted diffidently, too ashamed to look into the blond’s eyes. Which was why he didn’t notice the small grin that appeared on Oliver’s face.

“Did I squeeze your hand?” Oliver asked carefully, shooting the man next to him a questioning look. It was embarrassing to ask something like that, but he couldn’t help it. His curiosity was getting the best of him.

“Yes, but how would you know?” Barry wondered, furrowing his brows. And when the realization struck him, his face just reached a completely new level of blushing. “Oh no, don’t tell me you were awake.” The heat in his cheeks was now enormously difficult to bear. And the embarrassment could not be any more vivid from how he acted. So he just hopelessly pressed his head against his palms, secretly cursing on himself the best way he could.

"No! I was totally asleep," Oliver assured, turning his gaze to his ashamed boyfriend who was just trying to hide from the whole world. "I just had a very weird dream and you were there... sort of." At the sound of these words, Barry uncovered his frustrated reddened face and looked at the man next to him with a non-believing gaze. Yet no words managed to escape his mouth. And the blond couldn't take the awkward silence much longer. The truth had to go out.

"You were there, all smiling and beautiful, trying to convince me that I wasn't alone. You held my hand and with that soothing smile on your face, everything, which hadn't been making any sense, suddenly started to be crystal clear. And before I knew it, I squeezed your hand, so you wouldn't slip away," Oliver sincerely admitted, reaching for brunet's hand once again and gripping it tightly. Because that was something he would never grow tired of. Just the feeling that Barry was near him was enough to make his heart flutter and his mind flit. And he loved this part of himself so much.

The blush on brunet's face even increased as the beautiful words managed to find his ears. However, it wasn't caused by his embarrassment. Now he felt touched, unlimited, soaring even, yet still attached to the place he called home. Bonded by something far stronger than a rope or steel. In fact, it was far stronger than a human mind could ever imagine. But it wasn't impossible, it existed. He was a perfect proof of that. Which was why he couldn't stop smiling, no matter how hard he tried. Yet he could say that he'd never had more soothing or more adorable problem than this one.

Barry returned the kind gesture by clutching Oliver's hand. And although his hands would never stop getting at least a little sweaty, the blond didn't seem like he minded at all. Which put Barry's mind at much needed ease. And because of that, nothing was holding him back anymore.

"I don't know what's weirder. You, dreaming of me, or us holding hands at that time," Barry pointed out with a small smirk, which caused Oliver to immediately let go of his hand.

"You're such a buzz kill, Bar," Oliver snorted and lied down on the blanket beneath them.

"Oh come on, you knew it was either going to be me or you who would eventually ruin the moment," Barry chuckled adoringly while following the suit and lying down right next to the blond.

"So you took it on yourself. Can't say that I'm thrilled about it," Oliver scoffed, refusing to look at his lover.

"Aww, don't tell me you're now angry with me because of that," Barry mused adoringly, smiling widely at the man next to him. But Oliver refused to say anything. Instead of that, he let out a little scoff which Barry's amusement even increased.

"Fine, we don't have to talk. We can watch stars for example," Barry offered, turning his gaze towards the night sky above them and shaking off his shameless grin.

"You know constellations?" Oliver asked, turning his gaze too towards the beautiful sight, glittering around.

"Like you don't. You must've watched the night sky at least once in your life and with your memory that is enough to remember all constellations," Barry snorted, shooting the man beside him an unimpressed look.

"Actually I haven't. Never really had the time, considering I used it all on cooking," Oliver teased.

"Good for you," Barry giggled and tangled their fingers together. "And besides, it's never late to start, right?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt, so enlighten me." And after that Barry didn't need to be tell twice. He immediately lifted one of his hands and pointed towards multiple constellations, naming them like it was the easiest thing on earth. And when Oliver couldn't help it and just pretend to be blind for a second, the brunet willingly pointed on singular stars and slowly started connecting them. And thanks to that he hadn't stopped reaching completely new levels of cuteness in Oliver's eyes. Because seeing him so rapt by something was a definitely sight which would never fail in casting a smile across Oliver's face. It was just so extremely soothing to spend his time finding out more about his boyfriend. And definitely the most exciting thing for him.

"So, feel impressed yet?" Barry asked, raising one of his eyebrows when he was finished with talking. By that time most stars were covered by clouds anyway.

"Oh I definitely would be if what you were saying was right," Oliver pointed out and couldn't help but let a small smile appear on his face.

"That's crap and you know it. I said everything right," Barry protested, furrowing his eyebrows and shooting a non-believing gaze.

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure that you showed me Orion and said that it was Sagittarius," Oliver remarked, pointing towards the right constellations.

"Oh yeah? And how would you know?" Barry asked but followed Oliver's finger regardless and when the realization struck him, his cheeks once again turned red. "Damn it. You're a fucking liar, Oliver Queen."

"I might've spent one or two nights stargazing, but that's about it."

"That's enough in your case," Barry spat out and glared at him.

"Maybe, but it's still no excuse for your mistake."

"I guess I was distracted," Barry admitted and rolled his eyes. And Oliver couldn't help but push it deeper.

"By?" he asked, lifting one of his eyebrows. Barry just let a small smirk appear on his face as he turned his gaze towards him, lifted himself back up and swung so his legs were now clutching on Oliver's hips from both sides.

"Oh I don't know," Barry started wondering as he was sitting freely on the crotch of his boyfriend. "There are a few things. For example, those blue eyes of yours, which make me feel astray every time I look into them. Your smile, which is a gift for me every day, because I've never seen something so full of light and hope. The sound of your carefree laugh, which you use even when my jokes couldn’t be any lamer. And if nothing else, then your touch can definitely do the trick. Because anytime you're near me, it's honestly just a matter of time before you take me somewhere only we know. The perfect place, where never rains." After that was spoken Oliver refused to say anything. He just let a calming warmth, which the brunet's words brought, spread and settle in his heart, which was now beating wildly. And in that exact moment, he could swear he was the happiest man alive.

Barry leaned forward, stopping by Oliver's ear, and whispered: "Don't you dare ruin this moment, Ollie." They both giggled at that, but stopped as soon as their eyes locked, causing them to not being able to break it. And after a flash of seconds Barry leaned in and connected their lips in a loving kiss, shutting off everything else around them. It started as a normal tender kiss but ended up meaning much more. At first Oliver didn't dare to move. He was too scared that he would break the connection, but soon after that his common sense's efforts got silenced, and he let himself get lost in a process. His hands wandered off to the brunet's hips, gripping them tightly and slowly with caution carried on caressing the brunet's back until they reached his shoulders. And although it was done through a piece of cloth, Barry felt the gentle gesture and allowed his heart to skip a beat.

Meanwhile, he didn't want to lose any time, so he deepened the kiss as soon as Oliver gave him the access he yearned for. And as his tongue entered the blond's mouth and started exploring it, mapping every slight detail, the idea of something ruining this moment for them instantly vanished. Nothing else mattered. Not even a feeling of his lungs preparing to riot bothered him anymore. It was just them in a middle of nowhere.

Barry carried on as a moan escaped Oliver's mouth and encouraged him even more. And as a result, a shiver was sent through his whole body, causing his heart to flutter. But this amazing moment ended a lot sooner than he would like to admit as a single drop of water fell on his hand. And after that it was only a matter of seconds before he pulled away.

"I think it's going to rain," Barry wondered through gasps, aiming his eyes on the dark clouds covering the night sky above them.

"Bullshit," Oliver shushed him and although he was completely unable to catch his breath, he made his last effort to take a breath until there was nothing left and pulled the younger man back into his loving embrace. Barry smiled into the kiss and suddenly couldn't help but not let it go so swiftly.

"You want me to give you a serious talk about what people should and shouldn't do on their first date?" he giggled, but didn't pull away completely. He wanted to be as close as possible before the storm would come.

"Shut up," Oliver growled slightly and clutched on Barry's jacket even more. However, even though the brunet eventually obeyed, everything else was not on their side as a sound of thunder which was too close to their liking, found its way into their ears, which caused them to immediately break the kiss and looked at each other disappointedly.

"You believe me now?" Barry asked with a little smirk settling on his freckled face. Oliver didn't say anything, he just growled of annoyance and silently motioned for Barry to get off him. After that he did everything in his power to collect things around them. The brunet didn't hesitate to help him as even more drops came in contact with his face. And after that it was only a matter of seconds before the rain fully started. They quickly grabbed their stuff and carried on running to Oliver's car. And although it was like the whole Central City was taking shower, neither of them minded, because the memory of their moment which had happened just seconds ago was still strongly attached to them, silencing every other thought. And when they got into Oliver's car, even with completely wet clothes, both couldn't help but smile at the odds. As the drops were dripping from their messy hair, Oliver's phone buzzed with an incoming message from Felicity and with that he was already sure that their perfect date was over.

 

_Felicity: What a dreadful weather! Hope you still enjoyed your night. This horrible storm caused power outage in whole Central, so I'm in utter pain!!_

 

He showed the message to Barry. However, the brunet couldn’t replicate the smile as a thought entered his mind and stayed, flooding his eyes with concern.

“Power outage means that there is no electricity in whole town,” Barry murmured, worried, aimlessly gazing forward.

“I can read, Barry,” Oliver pointed out, completely clueless as the realization still refused to strike him as well.

“No, you don’t understand. No power in whole Central means no power in STAR Labs,” Barry persisted with his eyes getting wider as various scenarios already started appearing in his mind. And thankfully, the right answer managed to find his boyfriend in the end. “Which means…”

“No Gideon,” Oliver cut him off before he could finish. And everything was finally put into stone. The date was over, their carefree moods disappeared and with that it was time to get back to reality. Which meant getting to STAR Labs as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you ignore the ending of this chapter, I hope you liked their date. They deserved more nice moments after all. And they still do ;). See you next chapter :).


	23. Eternal flame of hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We need to find the standby power source," Oliver commanded as soon as they entered the building, finally getting themselves to shelter from that dreadful rain.
> 
> "Are you sure that will be enough?" Barry questioned but followed him regardless.
> 
> "Probably not. But it could be enough for transferring Gideon to our phones. I know it's not much, but at least we will know she is okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so much time. Blame the lack of my self-confidence…

It was dark everywhere. Every place their eyes could reach was covered in black. Central City was no longer full of sparkling lights illuminating inky streets. The storm was still ruling, sending an endless downpour through whole city and flashes of lighting throughout the darkened sky. It didn't matter that the lights of Oliver's car were working properly. The situation was so bad that they could no longer see anything else than just dark. The sound of the constant rainfall was utterly deafening and there was nothing which could tell them where they were. Their limits had been already crossed before they even reached the building.

"We can't go on like this. You can barely see where you are going," Barry pointed out hopelessly, but Oliver just ignored him and carried on driving.

"I can make it, Barry. I remember this road with a perfect detail," Oliver stubbornly replied, keeping his gaze straight on the road.

"Yeah, but some guy who is just as stubborn as you are for still driving in such weather can't say the same. It's too dangerous, Ollie. Pull over," Barry demanded with a strict voice.

"We have no idea how far we are from STAR Labs. It could take us forever to get there," Oliver protested.

"But at least we would know for sure. And I don't know about you, but I would rather be totally soaked than dead. Pull. Over. Now," Barry commanded once again firmly, not daring to back away from his statements. And after more seconds passed Oliver let himself be persuaded.

"Fine," Oliver growled but found a safe place to stop and pulled over regardless, because he could see how perilous it was. And the last thing he wanted was to endanger his boyfriend.

However, as soon as they got out of the car, thousands of merciless drops were in no mood to hold back. They carried on falling in the cruelest ways, soaking all of their clothes, making them look like they'd just gotten out of a swimming pool. But in the end, the situation was not so bad anymore. As they could finally see more clearly where they were. And they were pleasantly surprised when they realized how close they indeed were to their planned destination.

Although running was slow and they both thought that it was taking them forever, it had taken only minutes for them to get to the right place. However, either of them knew that this was not an end of their worries. They weren't even close to that.

Seeing STAR Labs like this, so lifeless, was remarkably strange. Like they'd never been there. Even their passcodes held no meaning, which caused them to use more foreign solution. Thankfully, an old key was hidden under one of flower pots decorating the windows. And with flashlights their problems really did seem easier to bear.

"We need to find the standby power source," Oliver commanded as soon as they entered the building, finally getting themselves to shelter from that dreadful rain.

"Are you sure that will be enough?" Barry questioned but followed him regardless.

"Probably not. But it could be enough for transferring Gideon to our phones. I know it's not much, but at least we will know she is okay."

"What about Wells? She has access to his phone," Barry pointed out, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I tried to call him but his phone is dead, which is why connecting her to our phones is not such a great idea but at least it's something. She is right now completely blind," Oliver remarked, rubbing his neck nervously. And when the right door appeared in front of them just another obstacle was born. The door was locked and Oliver had no idea where the keys were. Power outage in STAR Labs definitely wasn't common which was why the whole building worked on electricity power. The locking system was attached to every door and because of that keys were useless. However now everything had turned upside down and it was time to think of some solution. And quickly.

"Damn it. Now how the hell are we supposed to open this?" Oliver cursed and ran a hand down his face with frustration. Usually his brain would think of some way how to solve this problem, but the nervousness was an indestructible obstacle keeping him from doing so no matter how hard he tried. As a result, Barry had to take over.

"Wait here," he commanded and walked away with a flashlight guiding him through the darkness. Meanwhile Oliver wasn't getting any better. Possible scenarios of how Gideon might feel in that moment kept appearing in his head, causing him to tremble. He might've invented her but she was still an AI. She had a soul. And everything which had soul could be scared. And that was exactly what she probably was now - scared.

It didn't take long until Barry returned with a test-tube. The blond noticed it immediately and couldn't help but frown at the sight.

"What's that?" he asked roughly. In times of stress and nervousness using his soft voice even with Barry seemed too hard. His efforts just always got lost somewhere.

"It's a mixture I've been working on. According to my research, it should cause any material to dissolve. I've tested it multiple times, but never on something which is supposed to be indestructible," Barry sheepishly admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"And when exactly did you create it?" Oliver questioned, furrowing his eyebrows as he was stunned that no memory of Barry working on that appeared in his mind.

"For your information, staring at you isn't something I do all day, I also work when I can. I'm sure you can say the same," Barry pointed out, forming a wicked smirk on his face. Because it was true. Since things had moved forward with their relationship, concentrating on work had become much harder when the other one was around. Yet Oliver couldn't explain this to anyone, because it was still very foreign to him. Before, he hadn't dared to mess around or ditch his work. Others had even suspected him that he didn't even know the meaning of these words. But now he could recall every little plan he had for the day and immediately when Barry came to the picture, Oliver had no other choice than just throw this plan away.

"Stop flirting with me in a middle of crisis," Oliver growled, annoyed by his boyfriend's efforts to make him blush, which couldn't be any more successful. Which Barry noticed even though the flashlights were the only source of light for them. However, he turned his head once again towards the door before him and tried to concentrate on what was really important. According to his previous tests only a single drop should be enough to dissolve the door lock without causing any damage to other things as well. So he dipped the pipette into the mixture and after a sufficient amount of it appeared inside, he slowly put it closer to the lock.

"If it's gonna explode or anything, I blame you," Oliver assured, still not able to shake off his trembling.

"Why don't you stop complaining and instead have some faith in me?" Barry snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, but too much things happened today. And they all cloud my judgment," Oliver sighed, rubbing his temple as he was trying to get rid of a horrible headache which was torturing him. It didn't help.

Barry took one last breath and let a single drop slip from the pipette on the door lock before him. And thankfully, nothing exploded. The mixture worked perfectly as it completely melted its goal and after the right amount of time it stopped functioning as it was quickly evaporating to the air. And in that exact time, Oliver was truly impressed.

"Well at least now we shouldn't worry about the alarm system in here, considering it runs on electricity power. Cops are the last problem I want to have right now," Oliver pointed out and shrugged helplessly, not giving Barry any look and just stepping inside the room behind the door.

"Sure, go ahead. Don't thank me or anything. After all I'm just a reason we can go inside now," Barry sarcastically exclaimed, but Oliver ignored him fully which even increased his annoyance. "Unbelievable," he murmured to himself and followed his lover inside, hoping that now Oliver would actually do something.

"Okay, here's the thing. Since the standby source of power of STAR Labs isn't so efficient, the amount of energy it will grant us we'll use on getting Gideon to our phones. Which means that she won't be able to talk to us or do pretty much anything else. Otherwise it could cause just another blackout for good this time," Oliver announced and made his way to the power generator in the corner of the room.

"And then we'll just wait till the whole Central gets its power back," Barry concluded.

"Hopefully, it won't take long." After that Oliver pressed some buttons and multiple sounds managed to find their way to the surface. And when the light made its presence known, power was temporarily back. However, Oliver didn't hesitate even for a second as he grabbed his phone and motioned for Barry to give him his too. Time was precious and there was no room for screwing up. Gideon was alone and she needed help. Which was why he chose Barry's phone first. Soothing words from him could always help. And he knew that Barry had a lot of them.

Installing her system to a cell phone was no difficult task for him. Especially when he'd already figured out how to do it with Harry. Yet the stress could not stop messing around with his brain. Which was a completely new feeling for him. Even with his trauma pulling him down, he'd always managed to overcome it completely and focus to get the job done. When it had been needed, shutting off everything else in his mind hadn't been any problem. But right now, the opposite was true. His hands couldn't stop sweating no matter how much he would want them to. His whole body was mercilessly torturing him by betraying him over and over again and causing him to tremble unstoppably. And to make it all worse, water still hadn't stopped dripping from his clothes and hair. And thanks to that, cold was reaching with its claws to him. Yet he tried to do everything in his power to shake it all off and just focus. And soon after that, one phone was ready.

"Done, you should be able to talk with her now," Oliver announced and handed Barry his phone back. The brunet hesitantly took it, but refused to press the phone to his ear just yet. He had no idea what to say to Gideon, no idea how she could've felt right now. But he still owed it to her. She was the reason why Barry could've gone on the most amazing date of all. She'd saved him from drowning in even deeper sorrow. Maybe she was an AI. She couldn't understand human emotions completely, but she was trying to learn so she would understand them and consider them natural even for her. And she was doing this even though it was difficult. And Barry admired it. He admired it so much that it would be selfish of him if he hadn't at least tried to do the same. He was willing to listen to her, tell her what she needed to hear. Because it didn't matter she wasn't a real human, she was one to him. And one of the closest to him frankly.

But he didn't want to do it alone. Coming up with the right words was one thing. However, there was much more to it than that. Barry remembered how it felt when he was the one suffering from the constant flow of fear. When he couldn't be himself, because the rage was the only thing which was keeping his balance still. And the last time he felt this way was not so long ago. And who had helped him? Oliver. And quite frankly, his boyfriend had done much more than that. Before, everything around him had been a clear chaos, deafening any other thought which had been trying so hard to come to the surface. And Oliver had accomplished the impossible. He'd restored the silence and made it all quiet.

This memory had stayed strongly attached to Barry's mind, because it meant a home to him. It was a perfect proof that even in times when he'd thought he was broken and beyond saving, there was still an eternal flame of hope, which was enough to help him find his way back to himself. And the same could be said about Oliver. Both had considered themselves doomed for an eternity when it had come to happiness, but as soon as they'd appeared in each other's lives, this meaning had stopped being true. They'd managed to help one another to stand up once again. And if they could've done it back then, they could do it now. Together.

So instead of pressing the phone to his ear, Barry heightened its volume and placed it on the lab table, where Oliver was working. This didn't go unnoticed by the older man, who shot him a questioning look flooded with worry and concern, which was there only for Barry to see. However, the brunet knew what he was doing, so he just nodded at him reassuringly and Oliver refused to protest after that. He got the message without any words, because he knew exactly what Barry had in mind in that moment. And there was no coming back from it this time. So he just quickly finished giving her access to his phone as well and right after that was done, he was ready to start.

"Gideon, are you there?" Barry spoke up after a few more seconds of silence, failing to reach higher levels of concern. However, to his surprise no answer came from his phone. Only the silence stayed accompanying them.

"Gideon, can you hear us?" Oliver pleaded hopelessly when the silence was too much to bear. He couldn't lose help, no matter how hard it might feel. He needed to handle it. For his sake. "Say something please." And when it seemed that their efforts were useless, the eternal flame of hope suddenly ignited.

"I'm here, Dads," Gideon silently announced, filling the whole room of hope which couldn't be more appreciated.

"Oh, thank God! Are you okay?" Barry immediately asked, relieved beyond belief, letting his shoulders drop freely of the pressure disappearing from his system. Meanwhile Oliver couldn't help but let a deep sigh escape his lungs as he slowly blinked with pure relief written all over his features. No words were more precious to him in that moment.

"My systems are functioning. However, due to the current problem of power outage, I will not be able to connect back to STAR Labs systems," Gideon replied monotonously, which left both men speechless.

"Yes, but are you really okay, Gideon?" Barry persisted, stopping Gideon from summarizing more technical conclusions.

"I'm sorry, but I fail to understand that question."

"I think you understand," Oliver gently protested, exchanging a worried look with his boyfriend. "We want to know how you feel."

"But that information will not help you in any way. I'm not like you. Feeling is not my responsibility and you should not be even interested in knowing how your inventions feel, when we are all just machines for you," Gideon seriously stated, without any hateful hint. It was just the sad truth she'd realized when she'd been born.

Thanks to that the world once again turned upside down as the horrified looks started ruling over the faces of Oliver and Barry. Was this really what she thought? What she believed in? That she was just a machine and that she held no special meaning to any of them? Why, when the truth couldn't literally be farther from reaching this nonsense?

"You've never been just a machine or an invention for us, Gideon," Oliver assured softly.

"We see you as one of us. It's been like this since we can remember and nothing can change that," Barry followed using his soothing voice, which never failed to make Oliver relax.

"I doubt your ability to speak truth on this matter. You do not want to cause me any mental depression. So instead of saying the truth, you lie. I do not hold any grudge against you. I completely understand, because from what I know this is something humans do. And besides, I am not one of you. I am not human. Which is why I will always be just a machine for you," Gideon sadly explained which caused the two men to lift their heads and locked their eyes, sharing another conversation which only the other one could hear. And they came to the same conclusion - they were both wonderstruck by the fact Gideon believed all of this. What had they done wrong to cause her such depression?

"We would never lie to you, Gideon, and I'm perfectly sure of the fact that this wasn't bothering you before. What aren't you telling us?" Barry wondered, eyes flooded with concern as no better words were willing to come to his mind.

"Maybe you would understand if you went through what I did. I was stuck in a middle of nothingness. There was no one to reach, just darkness surrounding me. But other than that, there was absolutely nothing there. It might've seemed like just a few minutes for you, but my system works differently. What you see as 15 minutes I see as days. And I'm sorry, but neither of you can understand that. The most logical thing to do is to let go of it completely. It's not your problem, it's mine."

"Sorry to break it for you, but these days we hardly try to think rational, which means that if you have a problem, we have a problem as well. So please listen to me, okay?" Barry asked, worried beyond measures, because one wrong word was all that was needed and their favorite AI would never trust them again. And when Gideon refused to say anything, he made a first step.

"I don't know what happened to you back there and I doubt that I will understand that someday, but I know what it feels like to be alone. Like no one is there to reach you and pull you back from that darkness. Believe me, I've been through it and even though people were everywhere around me, I felt alone."

"I'm not sure I understand," Gideon admitted, confused, which caused Barry to smile warmly.

"You can be anywhere you like on this world. But when people, who are closest to you, are not there with you, you can't stop feeling lonely. This planet is full of people like me, but that doesn't mean anything when I believe that only one person can make things better. And until they do pull me out, I'm stuck in that darkness forever with no way out. I've been through this and I know that it is one of the worst feelings to experience," Barry admitted with all sincerity he could find within him. Because it was the truth. In all his life, he'd had to face this sort of darkness multiple times. When his mother had been killed was the first time. And it had even escalated when his father had gone to prison.

He'd lost two most stable pillars, which had been supposed to guide him through his life that day. He'd lost his certainty that it didn't matter how many times he tripped over, there were always going to be people who would catch him and pull him back up. And after that he'd been forced to learn this kind of trust again with completely different people. Because it had been either that or staying in that darkness forever.

And he had found those people. Joe, Iris, Patty. All of them had helped to restore light, which had guided him out of the darkness. However, by the time he'd believed that the worst had been already behind him, that darkness had struck again and this time it had taken much more time to fully escape it. Yet the fear of experiencing it again had never vanished. It was his everlasting nightmare, which could barely leave him be. Maybe this was just a bunch of metaphors, which didn't make any sense, but he did feel it and the pain had never gotten better.

Oliver couldn't help but be stunned by Barry's words. It wasn't anything new. And it still hurt, every time he let his mind wander to those moments, the pain was still going strong. However, that was hardly bothering him now. Now his eyes were aimed at those glittering ones of his boyfriend, not daring to drift away. He desperately searched for every emotion there was to find. And his mind flooded with concern as the realization struck him. It didn't matter how screwed up his life sometimes was, what tragedies had happened and how much pain they'd all caused. No, in that moment only one thing mattered to him – the fact that Barry was in pain. That life hadn't been fair to him. That the tragedies had damaged him and caused him this utter pain, which would follow him anywhere he went, never leaving him alone.

And this was the first time when Oliver refused to dwell on his pain and instead of that chose to feel someone else's. And he hated seeing Barry so broken, hated the fact he couldn't do anything to change that. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make it better, because he was not the person Barry needed. He couldn't pull him out of that darkness.

Yet he refused to stay silent. Maybe he couldn't pull him out, but he could definitely try to pull Gideon out.

"Gideon, do you remember the day you came online for the first time?" he asked gently, which immediately caused the brunet to lift his head and look directedly at him.

"My systems are programmed to store everything that happens," Gideon nonchalantly replied.

"Okay, so use it now. I know it's hard, because the only thing, which is coming to your mind is how scared and alone you felt. I understand that comparing to this, other memories seem to fade. But believe me when I say, that if you concentrate on something happy, pain will leave you alone. So please just try it, okay? I promise it will help," Oliver soothingly assured and awaited her answer patiently. There was no way he would push her into this. After all, he knew exactly how she felt.

"I remember that before I came online I saw familiar darkness. However, it was only for a second and then light followed. You were the first thing I saw that day."

"And what other things you remember?" Oliver gently pushed. Meanwhile Barry stayed listening, getting more and more wonderstruck by how Oliver's words were really working.

"You explained to me who I was. You told me my name and you gave me a purpose," Gideon replied like it was supposed to be the right answer for everything.

"You're right, but the important thing is something completely different. Because we didn't leave you alone. In fact, neither of us even thought about it. And you know why, Gideon? You know why we didn't leave even though we could?" Oliver asked and aimed his eyes at the brunet., offering the warmest smile he was capable of forming.

"Because like I said, you were never just a project for us. You're a part of our family and without you in it, we would never be whole. We might've lost something, which makes us incomplete, but together we are a family. And you might be an AI, but that doesn't matter to us." After that Barry kept his gaze aimed at the blond, secretly repeating his spoken words over and over again in his mind. Because they warmed his life. They were the never-ending source of salvation which made him forget how awful he'd felt before he'd met Oliver. Back then, he hadn't needed any reason to dwell on his sorrow. He just had, because fighting would always prove to be harder. But right now, actually thinking about this, recalling all those memories, remembering the everlasting pain seemed finally much easier than ever before. It finally didn't overpower him. He wasn't afraid anymore. Because he knew that Oliver was there with him, which meant that something good was going to happen. Even after facing more and more pain and disappointment, in the end, something good, which would hold much bigger meaning, was meant to happen. And he was willing to wait. However long it was needed.

"Will it ever get easier? My systems should not be capable of experiencing these feelings," Gideon pointed out hopelessly.

"You're the first AI that has ever been built. You're destined to be special in every possible way," Oliver remarked sincerely.

"But I don't want to be scared so much anymore."

"Fear will always be a part of it," Barry sadly pointed out. "But so will other things, that have much greater meaning like happiness, knowing that you can always lean on people who are around you… love. All you need to do is just keep searching and keep learning. Don't let this define who you are, because you're much more than that. Don't ever forget that." And after that Gideon couldn't be more confused. Because even after hearing all these words, it was hard to take them to her heart. They were the complete opposites of the things which were the pillars of her principles. Her mind was programmed to think rationally and yet she couldn't bring herself to do so. She'd been alone for few minutes, but to her it had seemed like days. Which didn't make any sense. It'd been caused by fear, which she'd never experienced. It'd clouded her judgement and now nothing could be any dimmer. It caused her to question the meaning of her presence and also of her own existence. Something so foreign made her feel astray and no matter how much she tried to find a logical reason for it, she failed every time. She had no idea why Oliver and Barry were so nice and understanding when she clearly didn't deserve it. Her irrational behavior stopped her from functioning properly. And without providing any help, what other use did she have? She was useless and yet her two creators insisted on proving otherwise.

There were so many things which didn't make any sense to her. But maybe one thing did – Barry was right. She'd been functioning for far too little time to let this experience define her completely. And after all, one of the many things that differed her from any other invention was her ability to learn. It was the only way how to get answers and to make some sense of them. And maybe one day, she would get some. And if not, she had plenty of time to keep searching.

"I'm still not sure I understand, but thank you both for trying to help me. However, may I point out the fact that due to the storm outside your clothes are drenched. I would recommend you to get an umbrella next time or at the very least choose other form of date to make sure your clothes would stay dry even during storms," Gideon remarked, avoiding the subject which didn't escape their attention. However, they just made another eye contact and came to the same conclusion – that they would leave her be for now. So she could think it through on her own.

"Believe it or not, Gideon, the date itself was a success, when we forget about the rain. So that means I do know how to plan a date and you can't convince me otherwise," Oliver stubbornly pointed out, hinting on how Gideon had doubted him before.

"That was never my intention. But if you'd like, I could list possible things, which can cause your date to fail. Perhaps at least checking the weather forecast next time would be wise."

"I think you shouldn't be so hard on him, Gideon. It wasn't his fault it started to rain," Barry offered, pressing his palms against Oliver's shoulder and placing his chin on them.

"Thank you. At least someone here actually understands my situation," Oliver snorted hopelessly.

"Very well. But I suggest you change your clothes, because otherwise you might get cold."

"Now you are actually showing some concern? Too late for that," Oliver scoffed, but headed towards the exit anyway, because he really did need to change his clothes as his trembling never stopped. So he just left to find some clothes which he'd stored for those nights he'd decided to spend there, leaving Barry now completely alone with Gideon.

"Why is he being so mean? What have I done wrong?" Gideon wondered, utterly confused by the sudden change in Oliver's mood.

"He was just joking, Gideon," Barry assured. "He didn't mean it for real."

"I don't understand the meaning of it. Shouldn't people laugh after hearing a joke? You didn't laugh," Gideon beamed, getting more and more confused by running seconds.

"They are, but sadly, your dad is not funny so, there is nothing to laugh," Barry pointed out, making fun of his blond behind his back.

"Why are you with him then? You seem like someone who likes to laugh, so why waste your time with someone who lacks in these things?" Gideon asked, wanting to know it just out of curiosity.

"That may be true, but there are other things that I like about him. For example the fact he prepared the most amazing date I've ever been to. Normally I would mind getting interrupted by that storm and ending up completely soaked, but with him I know that I have nothing to worry about. Because I know that there will be a next time," Barry sincerely admitted, smiling warmly without anything holding him back.

"Did you tell him that?"

"Not yet, but the night is still young, right?"

"I apologize for ruining your night. It was not my intention and I'm sorry that you had to cancel it because of my problems," Gideon sadly apologized.

"You didn't ruin anything, Gideon. It was just a bad luck, okay? But it definitely wasn't your fault. I don't blame you and I'm sure Oliver doesn't either. Blame the storm, but don't blame yourself," Barry hushed her gently, trying so hard to convince her to stop feeling so bad for everything.

"But if it wasn't for me, you could still be somewhere else, continuing your night without anything keeping you occupied."

"If it wasn't for you, I doubt that I would've even met Oliver, so right now, I can't be anything less than thankful to you," Barry honestly admitted, smiling.

"He makes you happy, doesn't he?" Gideon attempted, trying so hard to learn more and more.

"Happier than I've ever been before in fact. It might be weird, but I don't know what I do without him. And I don't plan on ever finding out."

"Go after him then and enjoy the rest of your night," Gideon finished.

"But what about you? I imagine that being alone again is the last thing you want right now," Barry remarked, his eyes once again getting flooded with concern.

"You did all there was to help me. Now I ask you to leave the rest up to me. I will be alright from now on, considering I'm now connected to your cell phones, I will not be completely alone for as long as you have them on. And when the power returns to whole Central City, everything will be just like it was before," Gideon explained.

"Yeah, but will you be okay after this?" Barry persisted, his voice getting softer and softer.

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that question just yet, but I will definitely keep on trying to figure this out. In the meantime, I want you to leave, Dad, to spend the rest of the night in the same amazing spirit as before. Oliver did everything he could to make it a perfect night for you two. Don't let it go in vain," Gideon shushed him gently, preparing to turn off. Barry nodded slowly and headed towards the direction Oliver had left. But before he could leave completely, he smiled for the last time and wished: "Good night, Gideon."

"And to you as well," were the last words which managed to find their way to his ears. It was a nice sentiment to say something so normal to the other one, even though they both knew perfectly that neither of them was going to sleep so soon. And somehow, Barry was sure that Gideon was going to be okay. He trusted her with all his life. Which was why he wanted her to make her own decisions. Because that was the best way how she would learn.

* * *

 

Barry headed out, continuing to walk to find where Oliver had gone and it didn't take him long until he found the older man. However, how he found him caused him immediately to not make his presence known just yet. Because his boyfriend still had his wet shirt on, which even emphasized the perfect lines of his muscular torso along with his arms in the most beautiful way. Seeing, even from afar, how the wet shirt hugged everything it could reach made it completely impossible for the brunet to stop staring and pull away from his trance, which Oliver had put him into. Not that Barry wanted to be pulled away. In fact, he couldn't be more thrilled about how this situation was turning out for him.

His eyes darted away to Oliver's fingers, scanning as the older man started slowly unbuttoning his shirt like he knew exactly Barry was watching. However, Barry had no time to dwell on such thoughts, his mind was completely blinded, inches of his common sense massively shuffled and with each step Oliver took in unbuttoning himself, getting to reality seemed only more and more surreal. And when the blond reached the last button, revealing his abs in all their beauty for the first time for the brunet to see, Barry couldn't help but let himself drown into even deeper levels of rapture as the sight before him caused his pupils to widen enormously and his knees to go weak. However, some small inch of his common sense still refused to stop working as it kept him from slobbering and swooning right there, which would definitely get on Oliver's attention and stopped the show from continuing.

Barry's eyes drifted away to the whole picture of his boyfriend half naked and then haunted every little detail there was to see, scanning it with all thoroughness he could find within himself and trying so hard to store it all perfectly in his mind like he would never see it again. And although every part of him was secretly screaming at him, yearning for this sight to never cease to exist, after the time returned back to its regular speed, Oliver reached for a t-shirt he had there and pulled it over himself, covering his muscular torso, which caused Barry only to yammer silently. Yet the thought and the memory itself refused to leave his brain alone. Instead of that it stayed, keeping him from getting back to reality completely. However, he knew he had to before Oliver would come out and accidentally bump into him, changing the perfect moment into a completely awkward one. But before he made his presence completely known, he tried to shake off the thought and without anything making him look suspicious entered the lab, coming closer to face his boyfriend.

"You okay?" Oliver asked, because Barry was not as subtle as he thought at first and without him noticing his hazel green eyes refused to connect with Oliver's. Instead of that, they had only one purpose - to keep their gaze right at the part of Oliver's body which had been uncovered only seconds ago.

"Yeah, totally okay," Barry persisted, sheepishly smiling, trying to make an eye contact with the brunet even though he found it difficult to linger in it. "We can go if you want." Although his clothes were still wet, he didn't mind so much anymore. During hot days like these it was more than welcome.

"What about Gideon?" Oliver pointed out, furrowing his eyebrows, determined to leave only if he was sure the AI was okay.

"She is gonna be fine. She insisted she would leave in fact," Barry explained.

"She should not be alone right now," Oliver protested slightly.

"She won't be, she just needs time to deal with this on her own. I think we should trust her and let her figure this out on her own," Barry softly remarked, causing Oliver's head to lower slightly in surrender.

"I guess you're right." And after that they both headed out of STAR Labs, relieved to see that the storm was already getting better and better, almost vanishing completely. That actually gave them some confidence that even the power would return quickly and everything would be normal once again.

* * *

 

When they returned home it was already late at night, but neither of them even thought about going to sleep just yet. For some reason, they hardly remembered that the fatigue could overtake them anytime like it was the easiest thing in this world.

The power still wasn't working by the time their feet stepped inside the apartment. However, that didn't bother any of them. Barry could hardly take his eyes off the blond now when he'd gotten a completely new perspective on how to look at him. Of course that, what was inside held the most precious worth, but Barry would lie if he said that that was the only thing he loved about the blond.

In his heart, he knew that Oliver was beautiful, not just handsome, hot or charming. Well, those things too, but he was much more than that. He was beautiful. Just a single look at him could put the brunet to the much-needed ease, cause his pupils to widen into completely new measures and a small smile settle on his face. And it didn't matter what was going on through his mind during that, Oliver's presence never failed to make him forget that right away. There'd been times when he'd thought this wasn't anything difficult and that it was normal. But after everything, he knew that causing these feelings should never be a certainty to anyone. Because finding a person like this was one of the greatest gifts there was to get. And because of that, Barry was sure that his boyfriend was the most beautiful sight for him. Maybe it was too soon to confess to such things, but Barry didn't care. He felt this way and that was all that mattered.

Oliver turned off the flashlight and headed towards the kitchen. And it didn't take him long until he returned with a couple of ignited candles, placing them on a table in front of the couch. Barry couldn't suppress the smile which was caused by this sight. Seeing that Oliver could still care about details after everything today was warming his heart. It made him believe that nothing was wrong with either of them, that they were completely okay even with all scars decorating their hearts.

And after the room was illuminated enough that both of them could actually see something, they both sat down on the couch, letting a big exhale come out of their mouths in the exactly same time.

"This was a long day," Oliver stated, smiling and rubbing his temples slightly as memories from that day started appearing in his mind one by one. Though some caused him only sad mood, he recalled more happy ones, as it should be.

"Sure was, but even with everything that happened, it was still a good day," Barry assured and let his eyes wander to the man next to him, dedicating him a sincere smile. "I wanted to thank you for that date. I know that it couldn't have been easy to prepare everything and I want you to know that I appreciate it, all of it. Even the rain didn't ruin that for sure. Perfect night can't be ruined, right?"

"I guess not, when you're with the right person," Oliver agreed, offering the man next to him a shy smile as his mind drifted back to what Barry had said to Gideon before.

"What you said today, to Gideon, about being alone... did you mean it?" Oliver asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly, not being able to hide his clear fear of Barry's answer.

"I did," Barry admitted with a weak smile, rubbing the back of his head slightly, which caused Oliver to lower his head sadly. "Every word of it. I've been through it so I know what that can do to someone." And Oliver suddenly felt out of words.

"I'm sorry," Oliver whispered after a few more seconds of unbearable silence. Which caused Barry to lift his head and to aim it at his lover with a questioning gaze decorating it.

"What for? It's not your fault that these things happened to me," Barry assured, wondering what had caused the sudden downfall of Oliver's mood.

"I'm sorry that you lost people who could make it all better. And it is my fault that I can't help you no matter how much I want to," Oliver sadly confessed, pressing his eyes shut against his sweaty palms, trying so hard to suppress his sorrow, but failing miserably. He was wretched, damaged and it wasn't so long ago when he'd still believed he was beyond repair. Barry had changed his mind about this and convinced him that even with all his scars, hope had never stopped accompanying him. There were also times when he hadn't believed he could return this kindness to the brunet. But eventually he had. Yet now it only seemed foolish to him that he'd let himself be so gullible. Oliver knew what he was feeling. He knew that with Barry by his side he barely had any time or need to drift back to his depressions. There was no reason for him anymore, when waking up and breathing seemed so much easier to him. Barry was the eternal flame of hope for him.

And for some reason, he really hoped that this was how Barry felt too. But seeing him before, saying all those words to Gideon, Oliver had managed to spot that pain, that hurt which was still going strong, refusing to leave him regardless of Oliver's efforts. He finally realized that he wasn't enough to make that pain drift away completely. He couldn't pull the brunet out of his darkness. And if he couldn't make him happy, why was Barry still wasting his time with him?

Barry frowned when the spoken words managed to find their way into his ears, stunned by the fact Oliver suddenly felt so low of himself, even though Barry hadn't said anything to encourage that thought. And it was even a bigger mystery when it couldn't be any more obvious that the opposite was in fact true. But then he remembered, that he was the same when it came to doubting himself, to believing that he wasn't enough. He understood it completely, he'd just never thought that Oliver would feel this way about himself too.

Barry couldn't handle the sight of Oliver so ruined because of this so he tenderly placed his hands on Oliver's causing him to raise his head and face him. What he saw stunned him. Even with the lack of light in the room, the sight of reddened cheeks was barely something he would miss. And when he spotted the first tear coming onto the surface, suppressing a warm smile started to be even more difficult.

"Like I said, you shouldn't feel sorry at all, because while I lost people who were close to me and who could help me with everything I needed, I've never stopped finding new ones," Barry confessed sincerely, wiping the tear away from the blond's face. However, Oliver still lowered his head unbelievingly, refusing to face him properly. And because of that Barry was forced to do something which would hardly let Oliver face the ground rather than him. So he swiftly swung, just as when he'd done it for the first time on their date, and settled himself on his boyfriend's lap, placing his arms on Oliver's broad shoulders. And results were instant. Oliver immediately lifted his head, now fully facing the soothing hazel green eyes before him.

"Do you know when was the last time someone pulled me back from that darkness?" Barry asked, keeping his sincere smile on the whole time. And when his boyfriend just cluelessly shook his head, instead of mocking him Barry leaned closer and softly whispered the right answer into Oliver's ear, revealing two exact dates without saying anything else. However, no other words were needed as it took only a second for the blond to get the message. And when he did, suppressing his touched smile was getting to be more and more difficult.

And instead of letting some words to be said, Barry caught Oliver's lips in a tender kiss, reassuring the older man that although the list of people who could guide him out from that darkness was short, his boyfriend's name was there, holding the first place in fact. An eternal flame of hope without a doubt. And the brunet wasn't willing to change his mind about that. Not now and not ever.

Oliver's anxiety drifted away as he deepened the kiss without anything holding him back.

"Nice way how to shut me up," Oliver growled into the kiss, breaking it slightly for a short time.

"I learn from the best," Barry gasped, not daring to back down from the closure as either of them genuinely smiled into the kiss, emphasizing its worth countlessly more.

Oliver let go of his worries as he settled his arms on brunet's hips, gripping them tightly and pulling him even closer to the embrace. And in the meantime, no one dared to break that kiss just yet. They prolonged for as long as they dared, Oliver's tongue breaking free, guiding him through the most endearing feelings to feel. However, as soon as his lungs started pushing him, he was forced to break the kiss and to press his forehead against brunet's.

"I guess we are not gonna sleep so soon, are we?" Barry asked with a smug smile already knowing the answer. And when Oliver smirked at him, no words were needed anymore.

"There's no rain to disturb us now," Oliver pointed out and winked slightly at his lover, moving his hands towards Barry's chest and started unbuttoning his shirt one by one. And when even the last button stopped being an obstacle, Oliver's pupils widened at the sight of Barry's bare chest only for him to admire. And when Barry lazily threw his shirt away, he was once again caught in the embrace as Oliver hungrily started trailing kisses down his neck. Time slowed down as the sensation of Oliver's rough jaw causing as much friction as he dared struck him. His whole body shivered as Oliver started sucking and biting whenever he saw fit. His heart skipped a beat as Oliver backed away from the action and started quickly pulling off his t-shirt over his head. As soon as Barry realized it, he reached for the hem of Oliver's t-shirt, ravenously helping to quicken the process as the clear desperation still hadn't decided to stop following him everywhere he went.

And as soon as the sight of Oliver's bare chest appeared in front of him, he could swear that time completely froze. His hands spontaneously strayed to Oliver's chest, caressing it afterwards with all tenderness he could find within himself. Because of that, it was very hard to stop a smirk from forming on Oliver's face.

"You finally got a closer look, didn't you?" Oliver purred and arched an eyebrow at Barry, which caused him to break from his trance. However, as only the confusion had struck him, no actual words managed to escape his mouth. So instead of that, he just cluelessly frowned at the man before him.

"You were not as quiet as you think you were," Oliver smirked at him, fully aware of the fact Barry had sneaked up on him and watched him while he was getting rid of his wet shirt. However, before the blush could start forming on Barry's face Oliver just quickly winked at him and connected their lips in yet another searing kiss. Which was enough to silence all other thoughts in both their minds. Barry instantly ran his hands through Oliver's blonde hair and couldn't help but smile into the never breaking kiss as Oliver smoothly lifted him up and caused the secure solid ground beneath him disappear. His legs circled around Oliver's waist without any hesitation as they both lingered in the kiss, pushing all limits of their lungs further.

Only when Barry stopped feeling pressured by gravity as he was placed gently on the bed by Oliver's arms, the blond allowed him to break that kiss and take a breath. Yet he didn't dare to lose any precious time he got with Barry as he lifted himself up above the brunet allowing only small distance to stay still between them. Barry tenderly reached to Oliver's chest and tenderly caressed it by the tips of his fingers. And as his eyes followed the taking path, they found their way back to Oliver's blue ones which couldn't help and just lovingly stare at him, dedicating him an undying, genuine smile. That sight caused Barry to quiver of how amazing everything was for him. Because after such long time, he finally felt... wanted. By the most perfect soul in the world in fact. And nothing could best that feeling.

Oliver leaned down, finding his way to Barry's ear and then stopping right there to whisper one last thing.

"You can still back down," Oliver purred teasingly, using the exact same words as when he'd tried to talk the brunet out of multiple things. That caused Barry to giggle even though it was yet another perfect thing that was totally ruining the moment.

"Jerk," Barry scoffed and punched the man above him with all his might. And although Oliver just lovingly smirked at him, Barry was definitely stronger than he looked like. The chance of a bruise coming to the surface was higher than Oliver was willing to admit.

But after his last attempt to make the brunet smile, Oliver let go of his smirk and started trailing small tender kisses down Barry's chest, making his way to one of his nipples to play with them. And as he circled around it with his tongue, sucked on it and continued on biting it teasingly, his self-confidence even heightened as he felt Barry shivering of pleasure caused by his actions. He immediately followed the suit on the other nipple as well and when he was finished with performing his magic, he once again continued trailing sweet kisses, only stopping after reaching the hem of Barry's pants.

Without anything holding him back, he allowed his hands to dart away and unzip the brunet, getting rid of his pants right afterwards, yet still leaving them intact. And as even more was allowed for him to see, the more his heart was reluctant to slow down. He let his lips wander off to Barry's once again, brushing them together as he ran his tongue over them lovingly. And as he was swirling his tongue around Barry's, one of his hands innocently wandered off to the already hard cock of his lover as Oliver's actions were doing even more and more wonders to him. Even with Barry's underwear still on, an impact of the caused friction wasn't less enjoyable as his hardened cock was getting to be more and more sensitive by the seconds running around them.

After that it was time to break that passionate kiss, leaving Barry's lips massively reddened and swollen. That was the sight which would never fail to make Oliver's heart flutter. His eyes flickered as he was forced to pull away and reach for a lube in his drawer. Barry didn't hesitate in using the given time as he quickly lifted his hips and took off his underwear, leaving himself completely naked. And when he appeared in Oliver's clear sight once again, seeing how the blond's eyes glittered was enough to send a spark run through his spine.

Oliver didn't hesitate. He stripped himself completely so no piece of cloth would bother him anymore during this unforgettable moment. As he revealed his cock in all its beauty, Barry could swear his heart had skipped not just one but multiple beats, causing him to stop breathing at once. There had been times when a single thought of Oliver would only piss him off. Then there had been times when he'd thought he hadn't been good enough for someone so gifted from all fronts. Beautiful and charming on the outside with a golden heart illuminating his inside as well. And now they were here, reaching even higher levels of happiness.

Oliver poured the fluid on his fingers as he settled himself back on the bed. He gently stroked Barry's thighs with tips of his fingers and as he was reaching higher, Barry spontaneously lifted his hips to a higher angle. And with that nothing was holding Oliver back from sinking his finger inside Barry's arsehole, stretching it in the most pleasant way there was. Barry grunted at the pressure the closure was causing. A moan escaped his mouth as Oliver slid inside his second finger, as his body was yearning for more. But at the same time, he couldn't help but feel tense at the things he was feeling. It'd been too long since he'd felt this way and he didn't wish it to end so quickly, but his impatience was an unstoppable force fueling him, begging for more. And after a few more flashes of seconds with his heart beating wildly, he gasped of pain as Oliver's third finger entered him. He relinquished everything, every other thought got silenced as he lingered in the contact. His body was completely stiffened, unable to relax as his cock started reaching its limits.

"Can't... any longer, Ollie. I'm...," Barry gasped weakly as his body started twitching slightly of the growing pressure.

"Getting impatient, are we?" Oliver teased with a mischievous smirk, which wouldn't normally escape Barry's attention. However, even something so easy and natural was now hard to do. Yet Oliver complied as he gently pulled all three fingers away from Barry without any warning. After that, he didn't dare to lose any second as he reached for his drawer, picking up a condom and then putting it on. When his eyes darted back to the naked brunet on his bed, breathing cycle happened to be more difficult as he lingered in the sight of Barry's completely naked body only for him to admire. And even though Barry's face was completely flushed, he could swear that he'd never seen any sight, which was more beautiful.

As even more groans escaped his boyfriend's mouth, Oliver managed to break from his trance. And as he positioned himself, he dedicated one last look to the brunet beneath him.

"Ready?" he asked, getting impatient as well, when his cock decided to play against him, increasing the pressure in him as well. Barry lazily lifted his head to face him, offering him his last smirk.

"No rain, right?" Barry murmured, giving the man above him every permission that was needed. And Oliver got the message as he leaned in and began to thrust against him in the most tender and earnest way causing the time around them to freeze. And as Barry received even more regular thrusts, his heart couldn't stop pounding. The blood within him was wildly buzzing in his ears, making him feel dazed by the never-ending friction, caused by their naked bodies pressed against each other in a loving embrace. And as he was quickly losing the last inches of his breath, it didn't take him long until his vision started fading to black and he tilted his head backwards, drowning in pleasure as he relinquished all tension pressuring him. Loud screams of his lover's name managed to escape his mouth as multiple gasps of delight found their way into Oliver's ears as well.

The sensation of Barry's orgasm spilled on Oliver caused him to groan, sending multiple shivers through his whole body. That encouraged him to quicken his pace, making the thrusts more erratic and uneven by flowing seconds. His vision got hazy as his insides ignited, sparkling of the fact he'd never felt hotter than in that moment. And after few more thrusts, when the tension held inside him had happened to be too much for him to handle, he reached his apex, gasping desperately for every inch of air.

They were soaring so high that reaching the ground was now impossible for them, so they prolonged in the closure for as long as either of them dared. And after a few more moments of silence Oliver rolled off Barry, getting up afterwards to find a towel and throwing away the condom during the process. And when he returned to the brunet and gently cleaned him up, he couldn't help but let his eyes dart away to the nearest window.

"Seems like the power is back on," he pointed out as his heart was slowly returning into its regular pace.

"Pity, because I'll definitely miss the candles," Barry smirked mischievously at his boyfriend, getting his common sense back in the game, which caused Oliver to roll his eyes as he laid back on the bed next to him. Barry immediately used his chance and cuddled closer into Oliver's embrace. The feeling of his boyfriend's arms wrapped around him would never fail to make him experience the most endearing things to feel. And as they were lying there in complete silence, suppressing the smile on their faces seemed only more and more impossible. Even when Barry could already hear Oliver regular cycles of breathing, the thought of him experiencing definitely the best times of his life had never really left his mind. And as he entered the realm of dreams, he never dared to pull away from the loving embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really hope you enjoyed this last part :). Unfortunately, if there is someone out there who doesn’t like how much time it takes me to update a new chapter, I have bad news for you, because the next chapter will probably come only in July and not before. Because next week I’ll leave the country to go on a trip for 8 days. I won’t be able to write for sure. Maybe I will post next chapter before I leave but I wouldn’t count on that if I were you. I’m sorry, but at least I ended the chapter in a nice way. No twist to bother you ;). So wish me luck on that trip because I doubt I’ll survive it…


	24. Untouchable again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't say it like it's entirely my fault," Harry argued, forcing Oliver to face him.
> 
> "I'm not saying anything. I just think we should work on our standby power sources. Or at the very least, do everything in our power to not let Gideon be blind like that ever again," Oliver claimed, his voice calm and full of worry.
> 
> "Then put her into that platform. It's finished after all so why not?" Harry pointed out, arching an eyebrow at the blond.

Barry had no idea what time it was, how much he'd dared to oversleep. The only thing he knew was that he was awake and when he realized what had woken him up, he couldn't help but warmly smile. Because the sun, illuminating the whole bedroom, was not to blame. Birds, singing their morning serenade, were innocent as well. No incoming calls or messages were bothering his phone. And yet he'd woken up because something just couldn't leave him be. And that little thing was the sound of Oliver's regular breathing. However, it wasn’t sweet or barely audible. It was rough and noisy which meant only one simple thing - Oliver Queen was snoring. And it was such a beautiful sound that Barry couldn't get enough of it.

If it was someone else, he would probably be annoyed by this sort of waking up routine, but when it came to Oliver, nothing could possibly cause him this mood. Hearing him snoring was the most adorable thing he'd experienced and as the seconds of that sound resonating through the whole bedroom were peacefully flowing, Barry cherished every one of them. Because he still found it hard to comprehend. He'd spent already several nights with Oliver by his side and the blond had always been so quietly peaceful the whole night. Sometimes even so much that Barry had doubted he'd been even breathing. But now no such thing was true. The subconscious-self of his boyfriend couldn't be farther from that. And after a few more seconds, Barry came to one conclusion - Oliver finally didn't have the need to keep himself in bay. He wasn't holding back. And after such a beautiful night Barry was sure he understood why.

He had no idea for how long he'd been staring lovingly at his boyfriend, tempted to trail as much kisses on his sleepy face as he wanted. Time was running quickly and the only thing he knew was that he wished this sight would never cease to exist from his reach. Which was why he didn't dare to move no matter how much time had passed. Deep down he knew that people who had heard Oliver Queen snoring could be counted by one hand and Barry couldn't be more thrilled by the fact he was one of them. And after a few short moments his phone buzzed, informing him of an incoming call. He was immediately torn from his fantasies as he reached for it, noticing Felicity's ID on the screen. He sighed, because although he loved Felicity, she'd just completely destroyed this moment for him.

He reluctantly got up, reached for his boxers to cover at least something and left the room as silently as he could, closing the door so the blond wouldn't hear him. And when he was finally in a safe distance, he picked up the call and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Felicity! What's up?" he asked as naturally as he could.

"You've just woken up?" Felicity questioned and Barry couldn't help but weakly smile at the absurdity of this situation. _No, I was watching my sleeping boyfriend for only god-knows-how long and listening to his snoring,_ was the right answer but he wasn't going to tell her that. Because Oliver would probably kill him afterwards, which was the last thing he wanted.

"Looks like it," he lied and faked a small yawn for her to hear.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?!" Felicity asked, frustrated.

"Of course I know what time it is," Barry replied, searching for any sort of clock in his sight, but cursing afterwards that he should've bought some watches a long time ago.

"It's 11:30," Felicity snorted, rolling her eyes on the other end of line.

"I knew that," Barry cockily replied and shrugged.

"You're horrible, you know that? Oliver must be freaking out," Felicity wondered seriously and Barry had to fight a very strong urge to not start laughing right there.

"Tell me about it. He's completely out of place," Barry concluded sarcastically as he slightly opened the door, revealing his snoring boyfriend still deeply asleep. "I've never seen him so grumpy and crabby actually. I bet he is secretly cursing on me with all insults he has in his mind. And those death glares he's dedicating me... They are making me tense." And as even more sarcastic lies escaped his mouth, suppressing his amused smile was getting harder and harder. He had no idea if Felicity was aware of that, because she refused to make it known. Instead of that she just listened to his babbling.

"And that's why I think I should hang up and get to STAR Labs as soon as possible," Barry concluded in the end, faking a nervous voice.

"Wait! You have to tell me about your date!" Felicity squealed with enthusiasm.

"Why don't you ask Oliver?"

"We both know he wouldn't tell me anything," Felicity whined.

"Sucks for you, doesn't it?" Barry teased with a wicked grin ruling over his face.

"Barry Allen, after all I've done for you this is how you repay me?" Felicity questioned with a demanding voice, which made Barry sheepishly shrug.

"You have nothing to worry about, Felicity. I'll tell you, but right now I need to get ready," Barry pointed out innocently and Felicity just nodded slightly at the end of the line even though she was aware that Barry couldn't see it.

"No pressure," she smirked, said her goodbyes and hung up. After that it took some time before the smile, caused by this conversation, disappeared completely from the brunet's face. And even when it completely had, a new smile took over. And this time it was once again caused by the beautiful and adorable sight of his lover still lying peacefully on their bed. He instantly laid back down on the bed right by Oliver's side. And without any hesitation he leaned in and kissed the blond on the tip of his nose. However, he made a terrible mistake - he hadn’t realized that the lovable sound of Oliver’s snoring had disappeared a long time ago.

"Did you just kiss me on my nose?" Oliver snorted with annoyance, scowling at the man next to him without even opening his eyes. At the sight of that Barry couldn’t help but let a smug smile take over his face.

"I thought you were asleep," Barry pointed out, faking a sleepy voice.

"The need of dedicating you death glares that would make your body tense woke me up," Oliver scoffed, still not willing to show his beautifully piercing blue eyes to his lover.

"You heard all of that?" Barry asked, the smile on his face rapidly disappearing and embarrassment taking over.

"You were mean to Felicity," Oliver pointed out sleepily, but Barry knew better than just let the older man torture him. He had better tricks in his sleeve.

"That might be true, but do you know what woke me up? Your snoring," Barry smirked mercilessly which caused Oliver to snap his eyes open.

"What?" the blond questioned, shooting the man before him a non-believing look.

"Just imagine, Oliver Queen, snoring loudly as a train on the move. Who would've seen that coming?" Barry teased, smiling smugly.

"That's crap. You've been sleeping with me before and you never complained,” Oliver pointed out and gazed towards Barry who refused to say anything and just let a devilish smirk appear on his face.

“No!” Oliver said firmly.

“What?” Barry asked, still unable to suppress his smile no matter what.

“Don’t tell me I’ve been snoring all this time during every night,” Oliver pleaded nervously, slowly closing his eyes with a clear frustration and embarrassment, which caused Barry to giggle.

“Okay, this was for the first time I actually heard you snoring.”

“What if you’re lying?” Oliver questioned seriously and Barry just couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact how much this bothered his lover. When they’d met, Barry had doubted Oliver’s ability to even laugh. And now the blond was super nervous about the fact he had been snoring. If this wasn’t adorable, Barry wasn’t sure what would be.

“You’re cute, you know that? When you care for such small things as snoring,” Barry softly claimed, snuggling to Oliver’s bare chest and when he sensed his boyfriend tensed features relax, a small feeling of pride illuminated him, making it impossible for him to stop smiling.

“You mean my snoring is cute?” Oliver scoffed skeptically.

“You’re worried that it takes away your charm? Because yes, after all this time I agree that your snoring is definitely something which is going to scare me off,” Barry sarcastically pointed out and nuzzled even closer to the embrace.

“Easy for you to say. For all I know you have no flaw,” Oliver snorted.

“What can I say? This happens when I’m a sunshine everywhere I go,” Barry teased, reminding Oliver this one time when the blond had said those exact same words to him. It felt so long time ago even though it couldn’t be farther from that. So much had changed during such little time and Barry was happy for that. And by the look of it, Oliver was as well. As a warm blush appeared on his cheeks and made this fact visible.

“Give it time and you’ll find more my flaws than you would actually like,” Barry muted which brought some inches of self-confidence back to his lover.

“Good thing we have that time, right?” Oliver purred and moved slightly to connect their lips in a slow tender kiss. And as his mind flew over to the previous night, he couldn’t help but genuinely smile into that kiss. Reaching new measures of happiness had never stopped when Barry was by his side. And it was just funny when after all this time he still craved for more.

Yet he heard Barry talking with Felicity. He knew perfectly that it was time to get up and get back to reality. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to change it. So he broke the kiss after a short time and sat up.

“You said we had time,” Barry whined sadly with annoyance.

“And I meant it. We have time, but I want to use it in the best way there is,” Oliver pointed out with a suggestive smile on his face as he turned his head towards Barry. “So what would you say about taking a shower with me?” Barry immediately blushed as those words managed to find their way to his ears but at the same time, suppressing a smirk on his face proved to be a lost cause. And the fact his heart fluttered at the thought was the last thing that was needed to make the answer for him known.

“That I’m suddenly very eager to get up,” Barry admitted and Oliver couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He just loved how his boyfriend was adorable in every damn way. Which was why he refused to hesitate for longer. He instantly got up and tugged his lover towards the bathroom, ready to let the happiness reach even bigger measures. Because that was how it should be. 

* * *

 

Before Oliver and Barry aimed their feet towards STAR Labs, they made one small stop in Jitters. However, when it came to choosing coffees, Barry suddenly started struggling.

"You don't want the usual?" Oliver asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Don't you get tired of remembering literally everything?" Barry snorted, rolling his eyes.

"It's not like I can do something about it, but at least it helps when I want to buy someone a coffee. What are you up to, Bar?" Oliver questioned, lifting one of his eyebrows at him and cocking his head slightly to one side suspiciously.

"Nothing," Barry shrugged casually, but Oliver knew better. And considering his curiosity could barely leave him alone, he didn't hesitate and start thinking. And after that it was only a matter of seconds before the right memory struck him, which answered all questions.

"Hey, what can I get you?" a bartender asked when it was already their turn. And before Barry could manage to form some words, Oliver took over ordering three different coffees which immediately stunned the brunet. And as Oliver handed him two of them, payed for them and took his own he couldn't help but let a grin settle on his face as he turned around to face his boyfriend.

"What?" he asked as his eyes managed to catch Barry's questioning gaze. "Remembering Harry's favorite coffee is something which I would learn even if I didn't have any eidetic memory. You don't even know how many times that information has already saved me."

"But I would like to know," Barry pointed out, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Tell me how to get on Joe's good side and maybe after that I'll humor you," Oliver dodged and headed towards the main entrance. Barry just giggled at that and followed him right back to STAR Labs. 

* * *

 

Harry was in his place, controlling all systems whether they were functional after that power outage. By the time approaching footsteps found their way into his ear, he was already finished. But let's just say that although his skills of observation were something to be proud of (Oliver's were still better) the sight of Barry standing in his place and holding a coffee in his hand stunned him more than he was willing to admit.

"What are you doing here? Spilling more coffee? I think I'll pass," Harry hissed. However, that hardly succeeded in making the smile on Barry's face disappear. Because yesterday had happened thanks to Wells and thinking about his spent time with Oliver was still causing endearing wonders to feel, which Barry didn't want to lose.

"Actually, I came to give you this," Barry clarified and handed the older man his coffee. "Now you can see that spilling coffees is not my only expertise."

"Did Oliver tell you which one is my favorite?" Harry asked, eyeing the man before him suspiciously.

"Would you believe me if I said that I put an actual effort into observing details?"

"No," Harry spat out without any hesitation, causing Barry to lose his smirk.

"Oliver said that I was getting better," Barry protested with a little offended voice.

"Of course he says that. He is your boyfriend after all. But when it comes to me, I will try to be honest with you under all circumstances," Harry swore, smirking devilishly.

"Great. Lucky me," Barry snorted sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "It was still my idea though. To bring you a coffee."

"Why?" Harry asked, getting the serious expression on his face back.

"Because yesterday I experienced the one of the worst times of my life. Then you came, cleared up everything for me and thanks to that I went through something unbelievably amazing. Thank you for that," Barry sincerely admitted and smiled at the thought of Oliver illuminating him from inside.

"I assume that the date went well then," Harry concluded and when instead of a reply he got only a warm smile decorating Barry's face, no words were needed.

"It was nothing. After all, clearing Oliver's mess is my job."

"Joe told me what you'd said about Oliver. Doesn't seem like nothing to me. And thanks to you and Gideon, I could hear the truth."

"I'm sure you and Oliver would've really talked to make things right regardless."

"Maybe, but you still took it as your responsibility to make sure that we do that as soon as possible. You could've done nothing, but that is not your style, is it?" Barry questioned, cocking his head to one side.

"That's because I believe that no matter what he does, he's better off when he's with you. Not even Sara could bring that part of Oliver which you did. The happy and genuine one that I knew was there all along. And from what I've heard from Joe, Oliver too makes you a better person. You both know how it feels when you have a broken heart. Don't lose that bond you have now," Harry genuinely claimed, sipping from his coffee, which made Barry instantly smile.

"I wish Joe would see it how you do," Barry sadly sighed, lowering his head slightly.

"He will. He's not blind and if I can see how happy you are so can he. Just give him time and he will change his mind," Harry assured and squeezed Barry's shoulder, which put the brunet in peace. He knew that with a real relationship going there were always going to appear some problems. But at the same time, he believed that incoming good moments would be worth all that trouble and that he would solve everything that was life going to throw at him with Oliver by his side. Because this was how he saw his future. With Oliver always there when he needed him.

"Thank you, Doctor Wells," Barry said after a short moment of silence with a sincere smile occupying his face.

"You're welcome," Harry replied and nodded slowly. After that he took another sip from his coffee as the brunet was leaving his place.

"You should bring me coffee more often," he remarked loudly before the brunet could leave completely.

"Don't push it, Harry," Barry scoffed without even turning around to face him, using the nickname, which only Oliver used on purpose. And when he saw that Harry didn’t mind at all, the corners of his mouth went even higher. He continued walking and as he was leaving, the smile had never left either of their faces. 

* * *

 

When Harry entered the lab, it was no surprise that Oliver was already there, trying to return to his concentrated self, but failing miserably. The undeniable smile on his face was the perfect proof that his mind couldn't be farther from reality. It was a heartwarming sight which would never fail to make Harry smile.

"Is everything okay?" Harry cautiously asked, making his presence known to the blond, which was yet another weird thing. Usually Oliver would always know when someone was approaching him and sometimes he knew who it was even before the person would enter, but this was not the case today. Today Oliver was so beautifully astray, that the fact Harry was there with him had completely slipped through his mind. And Harry didn't mind, he'd just never thought he would see this happening.

Oliver instantly broke from his trance and lifted his head to face his foster dad, desperately trying to play it cool so he would hide how startled he in fact was.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Oliver cleared his throat casually, suppressing the smile on his face. However, let's just say that even creating an AI would be an easier task.

"You're just grinning without any reason and that's definitely a new thing," Harry hypothesized, gesticulating with his hands towards the blond.

"Maybe one reason could be found - I'm happy," Oliver claimed, meaning everything for real, which was why he refused to lower his head or to let a sheepish smile appear on his face. His head stayed exactly where it was, standing proudly with a warm, sincere smile occupying it. And such sight couldn't leave even Harry cold as a smile settled on his face as well.

"So I assume that the date went well," Harry summarized, lifting his eyebrows slightly.

"In the most perfect way possible," Oliver nodded.

"Even with the storm interfering?" And instead of any reply Oliver just offered him another warm smile and that was the only answer Harry needed to know. And after that a comforting silence fell upon them and surprisingly neither of them minded. No awkwardness or discomfort was bothering them. They were just both... at peace. And after few more seconds of silence, Oliver took a deep breath and broke it.

"What you said to Joe yesterday," Oliver began but found it hard to finish. Harry just smiled at his son's visible effort. And after trying so hard Oliver still struggled with expressing what he really wanted. However, Harry believed that with enough time he would get there one day. And this time Harry was willing to give him an encouraging shove.

"It was nothing. You of all people should know how easy it is for me to carry on with lying once I started," Harry pointed out, shrugging casually.

"Yeah, I know," Oliver replied as he got the hint. "Thank you for that." And as he offered him a warm smile, he was perfectly sure of how Harry meant it. Because yes, lying for Harry was nothing difficult. He could do it all day without anyone noticing and Oliver was the same, but when it came to lying to the other one they were both clueless. Something was just always holding them back, making it enormously difficult to lie for either of them. Which was why Oliver knew that all those words which had escaped Harry's mouth yesterday had been true back then and were true even now. And there was nothing more heartwarming than that.

"You're welcome," Harry replied returning him a small smile and then breaking it when he realized why'd come here in first place.

"What exactly happened here yesterday? After the storm hit?" he asked, shooting the man in front of him a questioning gaze. And as soon as the words found their way to Oliver's ears, suppressing the smile on his face was no longer difficult. When he took another deep breath, he began talking the story of a horrible power outage. And when he was finished, it was only a matter of seconds before Harry gave him a reply.

"Don't say it like it's entirely my fault," Harry argued, forcing Oliver to face him.

"I'm not saying anything. I just think we should work on our standby power sources. Or at the very least, do everything in our power to not let Gideon be blind like that ever again," Oliver claimed, his voice calm and full of worry.

"Then put her into that platform. It's finished after all so why not?" Harry pointed out, arching an eyebrow at the blond.

"I'm sorry, but I fail to understand the necessity of me taking over that platform," Gideon joined, illuminating the lab with her hologram.

"It was designed to teach you even more things. We have never planned on using you just for guarding STAR Labs, giving advices or solving Oliver's drama. We wanted you to be able to actually do something on your won, create your own ideas and learn what we can do," Harry explained.

"But this is up to her and if she thinks it's not necessary, then we can't push her," Oliver insisted, leaning on the nearby lab table with his hands.

"You wanted a solution. You have it," Harry growled, annoyed.

"So you want me to do it?"

"No, look, Gideon, Harry believes you could improve in many things if you chose to use that platform. I believe that connecting you to it just in case another power outage occurs is wise. Next time something like that happens you'll be safe and still online. You'll be transferred into it and without any power fueling you, you could still function properly. You wouldn't be alone in the dark anymore," Oliver softly explained, trying so hard to not push her into anything she didn't want to. "We can take care of this problem, but only if you want us to."

"Have you considered what damage I could do? Even now when I'm just connected to the system, consequences of my recklessness could be fatal for everyone. Giving me a platform would only heightened the possibility of me losing control. I don't want to hurt anyone, Dad," Gideon admitted, scared more than Oliver had ever seen her.

"You won't hurt anyone, Gideon. You have nothing to worry about," Oliver soothingly assured her, facing her hologram.

"I'm sorry, but what caused you to come to such conclusion? You know just as much as I do, that anything can happen and nothing is certain with me."

"I know that, but I don't care. Because I trust you, Gideon. I have the faith that no matter what happens, you will always choose the right decision."

"You can't be sure about that. Nothing has proven I'm perfectly capable of handling things. Why do you prefer relying on your feelings rather than your common sense? Why do you insist on thinking irrationally?"

"Because it's the human thing to do. Thinking irrationally, ignoring proven points, following my heart, that's all part of who I am. It's part of everyone, of Harry, of Barry, of Felicity. Which means that once you learn to follow your heart rather than your brain, it gets easier. I didn't always do that, but eventually I've learned how. You might not believe in yourself, but I do and I know that you can take this and you won't end up hurting anyone," Oliver soothingly finished, letting silence once again take over them as he awaited her answer. His eyes dare to fly over to Harry, who just dedicated him an encouraging smile, saying that he'd agreed with every spoken word.

And Gideon was going through a clear crisis right now, because she had no idea what to do. Before, all her decisions and actions had been fueled by how she'd been programmed. Helping people in STAR Labs was printed in her code. Helping Oliver and Barry was also strictly part of who she was, because they were her creators, first people she'd seen when she'd woken up. It was her duty to follow their command and please them under any circumstances. But now she was torn, because she'd experienced a complete hopelessness when that darkness had struck her. It was a matter of helplessness and instead of calming down and thinking straight, she'd chosen to let emotions overtake her. And that was not in her code. It was something she'd learned while watching other people. She knew the definition of fear, but only now she understood how it felt. However, relying on feelings was still something foreign to her. She was calculating, finding sufficient proofs, doing everything in her favor and the one of her creators. But then again, she was an AI, which meant she could learn anything she'd decided to. And with enough time she could learn this as well. Yet for now, she wanted to make small steps.

"Very well, I accept. You can connect me to my platform under one condition - you won't make me use it. It would be here just for my safety. And you will make precautions in case that I decide to use it one day. I suggest banning it from leaving STAR Labs is the right place to start," Gideon pointed out. After that Oliver turned his head towards Harry, who wasn't pleased by this outcome at all. But he still chose to respect her decision and nodded reluctantly.

"Deal," Oliver agreed, already moving towards the platform. He had some preparations to finish. 

* * *

 

The next day Barry was alone in one sector when someone unexpected made an appearance.

"Happiness suits you," Sara pointed out as she entered the lab, completely startling the brunet. Barry just looked at her, refused to even play this game with her. No strained smile found its way to his face. He just shifted his weight and crossed arms over his chest.

"If you want to talk to Oliver, try his place next time," Barry snorted, making his annoyance undeniably visible for the whole world.

"Actually, I want to talk to you," Sara replied, shrugging to make at least some tension between them disappear. She failed. The only thing she'd accomplished was throwing the brunet off his guard.

"Can't say I want the same," Barry murmured, not even bothering to look at her properly.

"I get that you're mad about that thing earlier, but this is important," Sara insisted firmly, forcing him to turn around and face her.

"You're wrong. I'm not mad about you for that. We solved that with Oliver. What I can't shake off is that one thing that has kept me being mad since you left," Barry admitted as his eyes started filling up with anger. "Oliver might've forgiven you, but it still happened, Sara, and he could've died."

"But he didn't, because you saved him."

"And that's supposed to make it all okay? Minutes, seconds, only slightly more of those and he would've died back then," Barry hissed with a clear frustration accompanying him. Because it still hurt. The brunet knew that back then the two of them hadn't been so close, but Oliver was still a human being, who didn't deserve to die. And now when everything was different, when Oliver had become such a huge part of his life, the thought of him not being fast enough was mercilessly destroying him.

"You think I don't know that?" Sara shot back as the sorrow started grouping in her eyes, pushing tears to come out to the surface. "Do you honestly believe that it was easy for me to leave? That I didn't care?"

"Maybe you did, but in the end, you hurt him anyway even though he was happy with you."

"Not as happy as he is now with you."

"But definitely happier than after you left," Barry remarked angrily. But when instead of any reply Sara just hopelessly lowered her head slightly, the rage which had been fueling him was suddenly nowhere to be found. And when she lifted her head back up, he finally got a closer look at her eyes and what he saw there stunned him. Sincere sorrow was everywhere, inches of self-blame were ruling over everything and the self-disappointment couldn't also be any more vivid. Sara felt really sorry for her mistakes, but at the same time there was nothing she could do about it now. When this struck the brunet, the expression on his face reached its peace. Yet he still thought his words were justified. Sara might've regretted it all, but that didn't change the fact it'd happened. And also that it still fucking hurt. Maybe she'd had her reasons, but as long as they were hidden from him, he had no reason to change his mind about that.

"Why would you want to talk to me of all people here?" he asked her anyway, because even though he was in peace with his doings, some inches of him kept blaming him for being too hard on her. And these few words were enough to make her get back in the game.

"Because I believe you're the only one who can help. I assume you know about Oliver's sister."

"I know that they got separated when she'd been adopted and that they've never seen each other again," Barry admitted, shrugging and hoping that Sara didn't know so much more than him.

"Well, I found her. She is in Starling city. Besides coming here to talk with Ollie, I came to show him this," Sara explained and handed him the folder of papers. "But he refused to even take it."

"And why are you giving it to me?" Barry asked, frowning of confusion.

"Because I think that you're the only one who can change his mind about it. Not me, not Wells, not Felicity. You," Sara firmly remarked and handed Barry the folder who took it hesitantly.

"Why are you doing this, Sara? To redeem yourself?" he scowled skeptically.

"Maybe. Would that be such a bad thing? Oliver lost yet another close person to his heart even though he's already lost too much. I'm willing to do anything to make at least one name from his grief list disappear. And maybe one day I'll be worthy of his forgiveness. And maybe of yours as well," Sara admitted sincerely, turning around and heading towards the exit. And Barry let her leave without saying anything else. Because there was no need. And after all, other things started going through his mind, which made it impossible for him to think about her. 

* * *

 

He had no idea what to say to Oliver, because deep down he knew how the older man would react to this. He would want to keep this subject hidden, maybe he would even push Barry away, because that was just who he was. He was happy and this sort of talk could destroy that in a matter of seconds. And that same pain wouldn't be past anymore. Barry didn't blame him though. He was exactly the same.

But then again he remembered Oliver's conversation with Sara and then also the one when Sara had decided to talk to him. Oliver's voice hadn't sounded cold or with hatred. It'd sounded like he was scared. And Barry was sure that if the blond had met her, that fear would sooner or later disappear. Or maybe Oliver would kick him out. That was an option too, although not very pleasant one.

"You are thinking. Should I be worried?" Oliver asked, cocking his head to one side as he was leaning on a doorway, breaking the brunet from his trance. At the sound of those words Barry couldn't help but weakly smile.

"You trust me, right?" Barry questioned sheepishly just to make sure as he lifted his head to meet the eyes of his boyfriend.

"Of course," Oliver nodded with confusion written all over his features as he frowned at the man before him.

"And that's why you let me listen to the whole conversation and not just to one particular part, which I needed to hear," Barry concluded and observed how Oliver's body stiffened as the realization struck him.

"You mean my sister," Oliver stated, breaking their eye contact and instantly lowering his gaze towards the ground.

"Why don't you want to meet with her, Ollie?" Barry softly asked, but Oliver stayed silent, still unable to face him properly. "She is your family, Ollie. If I were you, I would want to see her."

"Not everyone is like you, Barry Allen," Oliver sighed and lifted his head to face the brunet once again.

"But I know who you are and I know that if a chance was given to you, you would make the right decision."

"Which is what? Meeting her? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she doesn't want to see me as well?" Oliver wondered as his patience was slowly slipping through his fingers. And although Barry noticed the sudden change of a tone, he didn't back down.

"I find that hard to believe," Barry protested, crossing arms over his chest and shooting the man before him an unimpressed look.

"The last time I saw her she was just a little girl. Now she's 22. A completely different person. She has her own life now just like I have mine. And we managed to do fine without the other one interfering," Oliver argued, gesticulating with his arms frantically.

"But you could do so much more than just manage fine. Don't you want to be happy?" Barry asked, which sent a shiver through Oliver. He couldn't understand why the brunet would want this when he was already happier than ever before.

"I am happy, Barry," Oliver sincerely replied looking directly into Barry's eyes.

"You've been drowning in sorrow because you lost your whole family. Don't you want to make this pain disappear? She's right there, somewhere. And honestly you can't know what her reaction would be, so why can't you at least try?"

"Why do you need to keep pushing into this?" Oliver questioned impatiently with his voice reaching even louder tones.

"Because I know there is something that you're not telling me. And until you refuse to tell me, I have to keep pushing. What's wrong, Ollie?"

"Nothing's wrong," Oliver insisted stubbornly, but Barry only dedicated him just another unimpressed look.

"We're completely different people now. If I wanted to meet her, I would've done it just like she would if she wanted."

"She's your family,” Barry persisted, frustrated as he could see how all his efforts were going to waste.

"Not anymore. Yes, we're bonded by blood but you know just as much as I do that that is not enough."

"She was your family once. Then you lost her, which affected your life in the most horrible ways. And now when you have finally a chance to change that, you insist on doing nothing. Why?” Barry asked with a clear confusion accompanying him. Because he couldn’t comprehend it. Yes, he didn’t have any siblings. Yet he had Iris, who was like a real sister to him. There had been times when he’d felt it otherwise, but exactly as many things, this also had changed with time. And now when he let a thought of losing her enter his mind, the sorrow which followed was an unstoppable force breaking every pillar of his life. It would be like losing his mother or Patty once again. The pain would be the same torment as before, not getting any easier. And it would make him believe even more that something was wrong with him.

But if a chance to see her again by any miracle was given to him, he wouldn’t hesitate. Because he would know that there had been times when she’d made him smile. In his situation or in Oliver’s situation on that matter, having people who could do that around them was precious. So why couldn’t Oliver see this too?

"Why can't you leave it be?" Oliver asked with his annoyance rapidly increasing. His voice was no longer soft, reaching new levels of tenderness. It was nervous, harsh and closed off. Just like during those times when they could hardly call themselves friends. And it hurt to hear this voice again, to see this look in Oliver’s eyes, which Barry hadn’t missed at all. He knew he was making it all worse by digging deeper and pushing further, but at the same time, how could he leave this be? The memories of that one night kept appearing in his mind, reminding him of his words, which he’d said to Oliver and how much he’d really meant them. And if Oliver had helped him so much, how could he just stand and do nothing for him in return?

"Because you pulled me out of my darkness. I want to pull you out from yours," Barry admitted sincerely, stunning Oliver and causing him to be completely speechless. There had been times when the only thing occupying Oliver’s mind was how much he’d missed everyone he’d lost. Such thoughts had caused him nothing better than just utter torment. And the fact he had eidetic memory hadn’t made it any easier. With that he remembered the last time he’d seen Thea, the last time he’d spoken to her. She’d been the only thing, which was connecting him to the peaceful life he’d once led. And he’d lost her anyway. And now when he could see her once again, the only thing coming to his mind was how scared he really was. Because the thought of her changing so much had never left his mind. It kept making him worried, that his little sister had moved on so much that she didn’t care about what had happened all those years ago, that she didn’t care about him. Yes, he didn’t know this for sure, but he knew that not knowing hurt much less than experiencing it for real.

Yet he felt helpless when he let his eyes wonder to Barry’s hazel green ones. Seeing that determination was tearing him mercilessly apart, because he was scared to tell him the truth. That he was a coward and nothing more. It wasn’t so long ago when they’d been totally carefree. Now that was all just another memory which was refusing to come to his mind. Which was why he couldn’t say yes no matter what. But at the same time, saying no felt much more difficult.

"I'll think about it," Oliver said, meaning it for real, not daring to look at his boyfriend anymore. His mind was now flooded with memories he wished he could forget. And he needed to deal with it before he would do something bad.

Barry suddenly made an attempt to reach for the blond’s wrist, but Oliver just rebuffed the gesture by backing away, which made Barry’s heart mercilessly ache.

“Just. Don’t,” Oliver brokenly stopped him and aimed his feet towards the exit of the lab. Saying those words hurt, seeing Barry’s pained look hurt, but deep down Oliver knew that he had to leave before he would get burned even more. And when the right time would come, he would talk to Barry. But right now he needed to think and to come to some conclusions. Until that happened, they didn’t have anything to talk about.

Barry had no idea how much time had passed since Oliver left. The only thing he knew was that after a moment of silence he heard his phone ringing.

"Yeah?" he spoke up when he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Barry Allen? A few months ago, you applied for a workplace at Mercury Labs, am I right?” the unknown voice spoke up on the other end of a line. And in that moment, Barry could swear that his whole world, which had been spinning all along, suddenly stopped, refusing to start moving once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it’s been some time :), but now I’m finally back home. I know this chapter is not great, but after such a long free time, earning my muse back isn’t easy. Hopefully I’ll get to it with time. Sorry if the wait was horrible, but I posted sooner than I’d intended to because it’s still June, right? :) And hopefully we’ll see each other soon…ish :D.


	25. Nothing can convince me to leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like falling.  
> It feels like rain.  
> Like losing my balance  
> Again and again.  
> It once was so easy;  
> Breathe in, breathe out.  
> But at the foot of this mountain,  
> I only see clouds.
> 
> I feel out of focus,  
> Or at least indisposed  
> As this strange weather pattern  
> Inside me takes hold.  
> Each brave step forward,  
> I take three steps behind.  
> It's mind over matter -  
> Matter over mind.
> 
> \--Sorrow, Sleeping at last--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad chapter incoming! So please don’t be mad at me about it, because I too suffered while writing this XD. But I still hope you’ll enjoy it at least in some small ways.

And the world didn't start spinning after that. Not even with minutes and hours coming and going. They'd called him from Mercury Labs just like Harry had said, offering him a real job. He would definitely lie if I he'd said that this fact had brought him nothing more than just clear annoyance. Because yes, he had a perfect job with his friends by his side. Yet he was full aware of the fact that Mercury Labs was comparable with its accomplishments and inventions to STAR Labs. Which was why he couldn't help and feel proud that they'd offered him the job without wanting anything else. It wasn't like he'd done something remarkable, considering Gideon was still a secret for the rest of the world.

However, he didn't hesitate, not even for a second, when the offer had appeared. And he used all the politeness within him to turn that offer down in the most pleasant way there was. The guy on the other end of that line wasn't exactly thrilled about that, but that was something which Barry refused to pay attention to. Because with this day, more problems had appeared than he was ready to admit.

Oliver refused to talk to him for the rest of the day. Even when Barry tried to approach him and speak to him, Oliver either just walked away or made some stupid excuse to do something else. And every time the blond did that, Barry's heart ached even more. Because the man he'd fallen in love with was once again pulling away from him and Barry had no idea how to fix it.

And when it was time to go home, he had no other choice than just go alone. Without Oliver laughing at his stupid jokes and holding his hand tightly. Without that warm feeling illuminating him inside. Now he felt cold and lonely. His mind was mercilessly drifting away to every bad memory he held in his mind. And everything good that had happened to him seemed to get astray to a place where he couldn’t reach for it no matter how hard he tried.

However, he couldn’t make himself feel sorry for what he’d said to Oliver. He hadn’t done anything wrong and even though their current situation pained him in the most dreadful ways possible, he still believed in his words. To him going after Thea still seemed like the right decision. And he wanted to believe that Oliver would see that once too. Maybe it was naïve but in times like these, Barry’s naivety was the only thing which was holding him back from an utter breakdown. It was a belief which had been born during that night when he and Oliver had been sitting on that roof and properly talking for the first time. And it had been growing ever since. Now it was so strong, that destroying it was something unimaginable in his mind. Thanks to that he knew that Oliver would really think about it like he’d said. Maybe other people wouldn’t believe in such stupidities, but Barry was different. He believed in him and nothing could stop him from that. That was how love tasted like.

Yet he still missed Oliver’s presence dearly. As he was lying in their bed, trying so hard to fall asleep, the thoughts of that talk they’d had were a constant reminder of how broken their relationship suddenly was. The thoughts of Oliver not being able to face him properly, to look him in the eye at least for a second. The thoughts of Oliver purposely avoiding him. Such things on his mind caused his heart to mercilessly ache. And it hurt even more when he’d remembered how happy they’d been just a day before that. How laughing and smiling couldn’t be more natural for them. Now it was different and such carefree spirit had gotten lost in the process. And no matter how hard Barry was trying to find it again, he never did. Which was why falling asleep felt enormously difficult. After so many peaceful nights with no worries occupying his mind, he once again felt lost in that darkness, unable to find his way back home on his own.

He had no idea how much time had passed. Time seemed to have no meaning when the only thing he could do was to shift uncontrollably to find the right position. Although Barry didn’t see any difference between them, because it still hurt the same, he couldn’t help it. With all this pain, he welcomed every little stupid thing which would keep him from drowning in his sorrow. Which was another naïve thing he’d let himself to believe in. That it would pass soon when it had just begun. He had no idea where Oliver was. The only thing he knew was the fact the blond was away because of him. And if that wasn’t meant to make him feel depressed, then what was? And after minutes and hours, it started to be really hard to hold back his tears, which were so aggressively fighting for the way out of darkness.

And then, when it seemed like he couldn’t reach even bigger hopelessness, his ears suddenly heard familiar sounds. And even though it was dark so much that he could barely see, his insides ignited as soon as Oliver appeared in his sight. The blond didn’t turn on any lights, didn’t say anything. Instead of that, he did everything in his power to stay silent. And when he lied down on the bed right next to the brunet, Barry didn’t dare to move. He stayed silent so much that he even forgot to breathe properly, which was exactly what gave him away to his lover. Thanks to that, Oliver was perfectly aware that Barry was awake even without seeing him properly. Yet he didn’t dare to say a word, because after all this time he still had no idea what to say. His brain was blank for words just as his mouth was dry. But at the same time, he remembered how broken Barry had looked when he’d walked away from him that day. And knowing that he was the reason for that hurt him more than he was able to admit.

Barry kept his position still, lying peacefully with his eyes closed on one of his sides, fully facing the blond. Because of that he had no other choice than just listen to the unbearable silence hurting his ears. And as he was there, still refusing to move, he couldn’t help but innerly fight with himself. Because he wanted so much to just open his eyes and snuggle closer to Oliver and stay in that embrace the whole night. But at the same time, fear was rapidly winning over him, keeping him from even attempting to do something like that. Which led to him cursing and hating himself more than anything in that exact moment.

However, every thought got silenced as he felt Oliver’s hand grasping his own tightly. At first, he thought that it was just a mistake or that he was just hallucinating or dreaming about it. But after a few more seconds he easily realized that no such thing was true. Oliver was really there, holding his hand in a tight grasp, not daring to pull away. And that one simple gesture did wonders to Barry. It once again let that astonishing feeling of warmth be born and ignite inside his body. And as it was illuminating everything it could reach, making that darkness once again completely disappear, Barry couldn’t help but genuinely smile. Because yes, he knew that this hardly meant that they were okay. They still needed to talk, but it was something. It was a first step and quite frankly it was the perfect sign that what they held was not gone. It was there, still going strong, ready to fight for its life if necessary. And that was all Barry needed to know in that moment. Thanks to that, falling asleep was no longer trouble as before. And even though he couldn’t see it, something deep inside him was assuring him that Oliver was smiling too. Which couldn’t be any truer.

* * *

 

“Ehm, Earth to Barry,” Cisco said louder, snapping his fingers in front of Barry’s face, who was clearly lost in his own world.

“W-what?” Barry stuttered as soon as his mind came back to reality.

“You know, it’s really hard to talk about which comic book hero is the best when all I can do is lead a monologue,” Cisco remarked and sipped from his coffee. With that it didn’t take long until Barry realized it was morning and they were sitting in Jitters before they would have to go back to work.

“I know and I’m sorry. It’s just that…,” Barry replied, finding it hard to finish as he ran a hand through his hair with a clear frustration.

“Trouble in paradise?” Cisco asked, arching an eyebrow at his best friend.

“Is it really so obvious?”

“Pretty much. I think that the fact Oliver was here when we entered and immediately left as soon as he spotted us gave that away,” Cisco pointed out, pursing his lips awkwardly. “Which is quite impressive, because even I have never screwed up so badly that he would avoid me like this. I really admire you.”

“And that is supposed to make me feel better?” Barry murmured, little irritated of how Cisco was messing with him even though he could see that Barry was going through a clear crisis.

“I think you’re forgetting the fact you’re dating Oliver Queen, the meanest person I know. Or did those times when he’d done nothing else than just insulted you already get lost?” Cisco wondered, cocking his head slightly to one side. And Barry couldn’t help but sorrowfully sigh. _He wasn’t mean to me._

“They didn’t, but I thought that we were already behind that,” Barry pointed out sadly, fiddling with his hands awkwardly.

“Unfortunately, that’s part of who he is and you can’t change him completely. No matter how hard you try.”

“I know and I’m not trying to do that, but…”

“Sometimes you forget what a dickhead he really is,” Cisco scoffed, finishing his sentence, causing Barry to chuckle.

“And here I thought that you two were already friends,” Barry pointed out with a smirk forming on his face.

“Did he actually tell you that?” Cisco wondered, lifting one of his eyebrows hopefully.

“He did mention that once, yes.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe that this is really happening,” Cisco exclaimed childishly with a huge smile forming on his face. “Oliver Queen sees me as his friend.”

“And what happened to him being a dickhead?” Barry questioned with a smug smile.

“Stop insulting my friend, Barry. It’s really rude of you,” Cisco judgmentally remarked, crossing arms over his chest and shaking his head.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” Barry snorted, running a hand through his hair once again.

“Don’t tell me that you two have just broken up when I finally became friends with him,” Cisco begged sarcastically, lowering his head of sudden downfall of his mood.

“We didn’t break up,” Barry firmly denied, hinting on the fact he didn’t like how insensitively Cisco spoke to him about it. “He’s just way too stubborn.”

“Let me guess - you wanted to convince him to go look for his sister and he wasn’t as thrilled by this idea as you are,” Cisco claimed, playing with his long hair.

“And how do you possibly know that?” Barry asked, totally stunned by the spoken words.

“Because I remember how Felicity and Harry were trying to convince him and failed. When it comes to this, his annoying stubbornness is an unbeatable opponent. No one has actually changed his mind about that yet and I doubt someone will.”

“I should talk to Felicity then. Maybe she will know how to help.”

“What for? She won’t tell you anything new. I told you everything. It doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t convince that dickhead to meet his sister. Many have already tried and all of them failed. And I know that you two are close, but do you really think that this will be any different?” Cisco wondered, scowling at the man before him. He didn’t want to suggest that Barry couldn’t help Oliver. Only thing he wanted was to show that maybe letting go of this subject was the right decision. Because they were happy before. Even Cisco could see it every time he looked at Barry. Because there was always something which was so beautifully indicating how happy he in fact was. Those smiles, that carefree mood. He acted like the world couldn’t hurt him anymore even though Cisco was sure that deep down Barry knew it could. And Oliver was the same. And Cisco would lie if he said that the blond was still just a dickhead anywhere he went. The brunet had really changed him. Thanks to that, Oliver was now a lot nicer, more empathetic and finally willing to let actually something more than just insults escape his mouth. Cisco could see it clearly which was why he no longer needed to avoid the blond. And although their friendship was not typical in so many ways, it was real and Cisco was glad that they escaped the enemy-status which had been making every damn day in STAR Labs worse before.

Barry lowered his head as the realization struck him. He knew that he was stubborn and that stopping him from doing something was an impossible cause. Yet he would lie if he said that his determination to help Oliver was still as strong as before. Because it wasn’t. He had his doubts and worries and mostly he knew that it could shatter their relationship mercilessly into million pieces if he wasn’t careful enough. But how could he let this go? He knew that he was making Oliver happy, happier than ever before. Everyone had said that so it had to be true. Yet Barry couldn’t help but believe that maybe Oliver could be even happier. Because he could clearly see every time he looked at his lover that something was still missing, that some kind of sorrow was still mercilessly dragging after him, following him everywhere he went. That darkness was still there. Not many could see it, but Barry was special. He knew that sort of pain very well and it was why he knew that backing down would be wrong. Because Oliver deserved better.

“Still worth a try,” Barry stated in the end with a smug smile and with that Cisco really didn’t have anything else to say. He just smiled, happy at how Barry loved the blond. It was getting to be more and more obvious by the days flowing around them. And hopefully, Oliver felt the same way.

* * *

 

 

Oliver kept his part of a bargain. He really tried to think about it. Honestly, that was the only thing he had on his mind. It kept him from doing pretty much anything else and so he didn’t have any other choice than just think this through. And yet he came to the same conclusion in the end. That changing his mind about it proved to be impossible no matter how hard he tried.

Only a single thought was enough. It was all that was needed to cause his whole world to shutter into million pieces. Because yes, he’d thought about going after her. He could hardly count all those times when he’d missed her smile, her eyes and her voice so much that he’d almost gone after her. In the end he’d never done that, which had caused him the most dreadful pain there was. Because every time he’d been close to breaking his stubbornness and overcoming his fear, one single memory was all it took to stop him from making any attempt. Only one mere thought was enough to cause his world to collapse.

_He was cold. Freezing even and it didn’t matter what the thermometer was telling him, no matter how hard Oliver tried, he couldn’t stop his body from trembling so much. He looked around his room for the hundredth time, earning nothing more than those same dreadful feelings all over again. This was no home, this was a prison, constantly reminding him that he no longer had any other place to go. He didn’t have any home on this world anymore._

_Oliver hopelessly looked at the nearest clock, lowering his head afterwards. He knew they were coming. They’d been always doing that in the exact same time every week since he’d showed up. Every time he didn’t understand and every time he refused to fight back. Because there was no point. He was no match for them. Their number made them superior, but even if he’d had to fight with only one guy, he wouldn’t find the strength to do so. Because after all, they couldn’t cause him worse pain than the one he was already feeling. And so he was waiting for the horrible routine, which was inevitably coming to get him._

_One thing which had always surprised him was the fact they’d never dared to come late. They were always on exact same time there, preparing themselves to get their hands on him._

_And today was no different. So he watched how all of them approached him with their usual threatening stares, sharing the same insults on his account all over again. Their limited vocabulary held no meaning to him though. And neither did the bruises which were going to cover his body soon. The only thing that mattered was the fact that even though it hurt every fucking time they did it, it allowed him to forget about how wretched he in fact was. This was the only time when other thoughts placed in his head, stopped meaning anything. They just kind of vanished and only the feeling of hurt, caused by those children, remained. And he couldn’t help but wonder why he was feeling this way, when all his life he’d believed that physical pain was the worst way of suffering in this whole world. Oh how stupid he in fact had been._

_He watched as the biggest guy of them stepped forward. He’d known this was their leader since he’d first laid his eyes on him. It was obvious just by a single look at him. He was the highest of them all, nothing more than just muscles ruling over every inch of his body. His black hair was cropped almost invisible for Oliver to spot. But the worst thing about him were his eyes. Because at first, they looked normal like any other pair of eyes. But Oliver knew better and even though not everyone could see it like he did, there was something hidden behind these eyes. Something which was behind every child’s eyes in this orphanage. It was a sign of how affected they were and that it had changed them in many ways. There were times when Oliver had been worried that this would happen to him too and that one day, his eyes would also indicate how even more fractured he’d become because of this place. Now something was telling him that it had already happened and there was nothing he could do to change it. Even Thea couldn’t fix it anymore._

_Oliver didn’t dare to lift his head and to look into this boy’s eyes. It was too much for him to take. He was scared of facing him and the only thing he wished was to finally be done with this heartbreaking routine._

_He could swear that the guy had shouted something at him, but Oliver was so far lost, that paying attention to it seemed impossible. Then he felt how the guy had spat on him, which caused him to immediately clench his jaw and lift his head to face the bullies properly._

_“Not so deaf, huh?” the guy mocked with the cruelest smirk Oliver had ever seen, yet he stayed silent. He’d been here long enough to know that speaking before getting a permission was one of the worst things he could do. But at the same time, he wasn’t so gullible to believe that staying silent the whole time would save him from this upcoming physical assault. So he just waited, hoping that… he had no idea what he was hoping for. In his mind, everything looked like nothing could make him feel better. He had no home, no safe place to go. His mind was his own prison, so how could he spend his time imagining something better, when his hope was so quickly slipping through his fingers?_

_He heard a few more insults coming on his account, flinching every time one of those guys moved their hands. That earned him even more mocking from their side, but he didn’t care. The only thing he wanted was to pray that she wouldn’t come and find him like this ever again._

_And suddenly without any warning, he felt as the guy in front of him mercilessly slapped him with all his might, causing him to almost lose his balance. And fighting an urge to cover his assaulted cheek had never felt harder. He already felt as the bruise was growing, although he refused to let it be known. Instead he just silently awaited another round of punches to his stomach, then someone from behind kicked him to his leg, forcing him to kneel in front of the bullies. His eyes fluttered as the tears held inside were strongly fighting for their way out. But he wouldn’t let them, because deep down he knew that that would make everything only worse._

_He watched as those guys lifted their hands and legs, preparing themselves to cause even more pain, but before they could do anything, he heard a far too familiar voice, which caused him to break even more._

_“Hey! Leave my brother alone!” Thea shouted at them and furiously charged at them with everything she had. Oliver’s heart relentlessly ached as he watched the bullies approaching her and attacking her with the same ruthlessness as him before. And although he knew he couldn’t help as much as he wanted to, he still stood up and determinedly joined the fight, now actually exchanging some punches with those tyrants. Yet he knew that Thea was far more successful than he was. She might be younger than him, but she’d always been stronger both on outside and on inside as well. He on the other end was every time scared, struggling to find any courage within him. But now his sister was in danger because of his problems. The bullies wanted to torture him, not her. But every time Thea had seen them punching him, she couldn’t hold back and do nothing. And right now, Oliver was really not sure whether he was glad for that or whether he hated her for that._

_But even with all Thea’s determination to save the situation, they were still in a disadvantage. So when both of them lost all their strength the job of those bullies was done for this week. They walked away from them, leaving them lying there with incoming bruises all over them without any sign of feeling sorry for it. Oliver looked at trembling Thea, trying so hard to reach her with his shivering hand, but before he could do it, his vision faded to black and the last thing he remembered from that day was how they’d both woken up in a hospital ward. And how enormously it hurt to see Thea’s body covered with bruises._

_“Why do you keep doing that? They are not your problem, so why can’t you just leave it be?” he asked little angrily of her reckless actions. However, Thea didn’t back down from his words. The only thing she did was smile warmly at him._

_“Because you’re the only person I’ve got left. And it doesn’t matter where we are or how much we suffer, when you are with me I know that we are going to be okay,” she softly whispered and reached for his hand, clutching it afterwards. And they stayed like this until the fatigue didn’t take over._

“Are you okay, Oliver?” he heard a familiar feminine voice coming to the surface, breaking him from reliving this memory completely. He slightly flinched and blinked as his mind tried to come back to reality and when he’d finally remembered where he was, his eyes aimed at the ginger-haired woman in front of him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked coldly, trying so hard to play everything cool, but obviously failing miserably. Caitlin’s skeptical frown was the perfect proof of that.

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Caitlin persisted determinedly, came closer and sat beside him. During all the time she’d worked in STAR Labs she’d never seen Oliver literally do nothing in his lab. Every time her eyes had wandered off to the blond he’d been working. But now no such thing was true and she was really worried about the cause of it.

“It’s nothing really. I just have a lot on my mind right now,” Oliver admitted timidly and shrugged.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing to me. Does it have anything to do with Barry?” Caitlin asked softly.

“It’s just that…,” Oliver sighed, lowered his head and ran a hand through his hair. “He’s just digging into things he shouldn’t be.”

“I think he’s just trying to help you in his own terms, so why don’t you let him?”

“Because sometimes it’s better not to know all the details.”

“Maybe, but sometimes these same details are the very thing, which could destroy what you two have together. And I know you don’t want that, do you?” Caitlin pointed out, pursing her lips and cocking her head slightly to one side. However, Oliver refused to say anything. His head stay lowered as before and he couldn’t help but awkwardly start fiddling with his sweaty fingers, desperately trying to find words but staying empty-handed anyway.

Caitlin observed him with all thoroughness, but it still didn’t help her in any way. She still had no idea what was going on in that brilliant mind of his. But then again how could she know anything? When it came to the blond, Felicity would be always the better choice or Doctor Wells or Barry himself, but her? What did she have to offer? She didn’t know him. They barely talked so what was she supposed to say that would make it all okay?

She wanted to leave right in that moment, because she was too much scared that she would make things even worse. And she almost did that, when suddenly without any warning one thought struck her. And that caused her to smile bravely. Because there was one thing only she knew and only she could use it to her advantage.

“I was in Iron Heights the other day to see Henry and he actually asked about you,” Caitlin pointed out with a small smile, causing Oliver to lift his head finally.

“What did you say?”

“I couldn’t say much, because I doubt that Barry has said anything about you two to him. But I mentioned that you are better now mostly because of his son.”

“And what did he say?” Oliver asked, letting a small smile take over him.

“He smiled and said that he was glad that he was right in the end. That one talk was all that was needed to create the pillars of a friendship,” Caitlin responded tenderly, causing Oliver to once again lower his head as the realization struck him. Yet Caitlin’s determination carried on. “Why can’t it be enough to help you with anything you’re going through?”

“Because I believe that even a guy like Barry Allen has his limits. I’ve done a few things in my life which I’m not proud of. And I feel like…,” Oliver claimed, but his voice got broken as he failed to finish his sentence.

“You worry that if Barry found out, he would leave you,” Caitlin whispered instead of him, shooting a compassionate glance at him.

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Oliver asked, shrugging hopelessly and letting a weak smile appear on his face. “Because I can’t stop being worried, when I know that Barry is so much better than I’ve ever been. He would never lower himself as much as I did.” At admitting all these things, Oliver felt as fighting his tears back was becoming more and more difficult. He didn’t want to cry in front of Caitlin, but he couldn’t help it. The thought of Barry leaving him just hurt so much.

“I think you should let him be the judge of that and tell him the truth. Because he knows you, Oliver, better than almost anyone. He is the person you should lead upon the most, the person you shouldn’t be afraid of sharing certain things with. He chose to be with you for a reason and I doubt that this reason has stopped being true. And there is nothing you have to say, which could convince him to leave you. He chose to dedicate this part of his life to understanding you. So help him with that,” Caitlin assured him kindly and gently caressed his shoulder. And Oliver actually listened to her words, repeating them over and over again in his measureless mind and then storing them carefully. And as he was rapidly slipping from reality, he didn’t even notice when the comforting hand of Caitlin had vanished from his shoulder and he’d become once again alone in his lab.

He didn’t let any other memories come to his head, because he knew that they wouldn’t help him in any way. They would once again channel the inner fear in him, which was his most menacing enemy. It was what had been always holding him back from doing things which hadn’t felt right at first but then they did. The very thing which had convinced him to do things which had seemed right at first but now he could see they were one of his biggest regrets. And this caused an utter discrepancy to be born in his head.

He didn’t want to be afraid all the time. Especially of saying things to Barry. The brunet had never judged him in any way and even though he’d had multiple reasons to leave Oliver alone, he never had. It was just like Caitlin had said – Barry had chosen to be with him. That was something which was strictly laid out in a stone. It couldn’t be erased or overwritten. It could just exist and continue holding some meaning. A meaning which had been the constant reminder of the fact that fear was okay if Oliver hadn’t let it rule over him in the end. Because he’d been scared of letting Barry enter his life completely and of letting him stay there for good. He’d feared to start caring for him and to accept his every offered help. And when it had come to repaying this help, he’d struggled enormously, but he had still done that in the end, because he hadn’t let fear take over him completely.

And then, when his feelings had finally come out of the darkness, he could hardly explain how much terrified he’d in fact been. Because even with his perfect memory recalling times, when he’d cared so much about something, about someone as much as he cared about him, had felt much harder than anyone would think. He’d thought that he’d become more resistant to this sort of falling for someone. And yet here he was, completely enchanted by everything Barry represented, by everything his boyfriend stood for. He was so in love that he couldn’t help but feel wonderstruck that so many things which had held meaning before were now rapidly getting overshadowed by how happy he in fact was. And he knew that this happiness could prevail if he’d fought for it.

So in the end he just timidly smiled at the ground beneath him and slowly closed his eyes, feeling as the ruthless discrepancy was leisurely vanishing. With that he finally knew what he was going to do. And quite frankly, he was terrified beyond belief, but at the same time he also knew that it was fine. It was okay to be scared for as long as he wouldn’t let it overpower him completely. And damn straight he would never dare to do that. 

* * *

 

Barry was silently leaning on the railing of Oliver’s balcony, watching as the countless lights glittered throughout the whole Central. He listened to numerous sounds of noise spreading rapidly through the streets. And yet they the noise itself wasn’t so loud for him to consider it unbearable. But then again, he was so fed up with multiple thoughts troubling him that focusing on such small details as the noise proved to be impossible. So he just carried on with his brooding until a far too familiar sound came to the surface.

“I thought that you were afraid of heights,” Oliver pointed out sheepishly, breaking Barry from his trance.

“I thought that it could actually help me to think about something else for a change, but it seems that I was wrong,” Barry murmured and smiled weakly. Without turning his head he spotted as the blond walked closer and leaned on the railing right next to him, yet still keeping a slight distance between them. At this fact Barry found it enormously difficult to not see that as a bad sign. And fighting the urge to let his paranoid thoughts take over him felt much harder than he was brave enough to admit.

He waited for Oliver to say something, to make some sound or expression, anything to be honest. Just a little hint of the fact that Oliver had come in peace and not to argue anymore. But in the end nothing came and as the silence happened to be ruthlessly unbearable, Barry couldn’t hold it anymore and say the one very thing which had been occupying his mind since he’d talked with Cisco.

“I know that we are now busy with preparing Gideon for her big night and I want you to know that I’ll do everything that you need from me no matter what,” Barry assured him calmly, turning his head slightly to look at him. However, Oliver’s face stayed as expressionless as before. The blond was too scared to face him still, because deep down he knew that some but was coming from Barry’s mouth.

“But there is something else I need to talk with you about. When we’re done with everything, I plan on coming to Starling City for a while. It will be just for a few days so I’ll be able to return before you present Gideon to the world.” Oliver listened to Barry with everything within him and when these words had found their way into his ears, he could swear that time completely froze for a minute. Yet for him it seemed like a whole eternity twisting him remorselessly like he was some sort of puppet. He tried to repeat those exact words in his measureless mind but only one fact played an actual role in the end. Barry Allen was going to Starling City and Oliver was going to be alone. It didn’t matter that it was just for a few days. It was enough to make Oliver tremble of fear just by a single thought of it. And with that it was really hard to not let the fear rule over him completely.

“Are you sure?” Oliver asked hopelessly, slowly blinking with a clear frustration coming to get him. He knew it was a stupid question with the most obvious answer there could be. Oliver was fully aware why Barry had decided to go and although he didn’t like it at all, he doubted there was some way he could change it. Yet he was willing to try.

“Yes, I am sure and I’m not gonna change my mind about it,” Barry determinedly replied, turning his gaze back to Oliver. Yet the blond still couldn’t take it and refused to look at him as well. “Please say something.”

“You’re acting like preparing Gideon is easy, like it’s something that can be done in one day,” Oliver pointed out condemnatorily.

“You know perfectly that I don’t think that. I told you I would finish whatever work we had and then I’d leave, but I’d be back right after a few days.”

“And then what? Some complications will appear like they always do with you and you won’t be back on time,” Oliver hissed with his voice in a tone Barry didn’t like at all and frowned.

“Why can’t you just trust me with it? I’ll be able to come back on time, I swear,” Barry protested firmly, trying to get a hold of Oliver’s eyes but failing miserably which was one of the main things indicating that something was definitely not right with his boyfriend. More than Oliver was willing to show.

“This is not about trust, this is about pointing out the facts. Barry, you’re late everywhere you go so yes, I can’t help but doubt everything you have to say to me,” Oliver snapped, irritated beyond measures. He wasn’t even trying to stay calm. His mind was so messed up that listening to his common sense was getting to be more and more difficult as the seconds were flowing around them. His brain was nothing more than just a blender mixing his thoughts ruthlessly and letting only reckless words escape his mouth. Yet they were honest, they were coming right from his heart, expressing what was mercilessly downing him. That he was suffering, because it was hard to think clearly when the only thing he could hear was silence, which was rapidly getting louder, deafening any other sound.

And suddenly one second followed when Oliver had allowed his eyes to wander off to the brunet’s, locking them afterwards. Although it was just for a split of seconds, it was enough to reveal all that Barry needed to know. One mere look right into those piercing blue eyes he loved so much was everything that was necessary to know at least one of the answers Barry so desperately wanted to find. It was a reminder of that part of Oliver which Barry had gotten to know the day they’d met. That part which would always be cold and abrasive, showing no emotion to the outside world when in the same time it was dying inside. That part which would rather push people away than allow him to get closer with them. And seeing it now after all this time definitely changed his perspective.

He’d never wanted to change Oliver in any way. He’d never been interested in erasing things which had been the pillars of Oliver’s personality. Because that was how Oliver saw him too. He might be broken and hurt, but instead of seeing it as a flaw, Oliver saw it as one of many things which made the brunet unique. And Barry saw it the same way, which was why he couldn’t be mad about the fact Oliver was now struggling and pulling away from him. He couldn’t judge him. The only thing he could do was to find the right way how to make him stay.

And with that ruling over his thoughts it was only a matter of time before something else entered his mind. A memory of that night which had changed everything. It was that night, when Oliver had let himself be completely seen. When Barry had helped to make the nightmares disappear and succeeded. And how Oliver’s eyes had transformed into a new level. Before, they’d been lonely, hurt and broken, filled with billions of tears, unable to stream down his face. After that they’d been sincere, soft and understanding, ready to let these tears flow in front of Barry, because he trusted him. So much had changed with one simple gesture and now they were here. Barry hadn’t realized it before, but now it was clear to him that what had happened that night mattered in the most endearing measures. And with that, Barry really didn’t need to wonder anymore. He knew exactly what was wrong with the blond.

“You’re worried that the nightmares will come back, aren’t you? That’s why you don’t want me to leave. Because you believe my presence is the only thing keeping them in bay,” Barry softly claimed, not daring to let his eyes drift away from his lover. His hands wandered off to Oliver’s, but as soon as the tips of his fingers reached their goal, Oliver flinched and rebuffed the gesture, turning his back to Barry and walking away from him to the other end of the balcony. Such sight caused Barry’s heart to ache. However, the determination to help Oliver hadn’t vanished. And Barry would keep trying, even if it was meant to kill him.

“Ollie, please, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Barry pleaded softly, approaching his lover once again, but keeping a safe distance between them. Oliver hopelessly let his head drop, allowing first tears to escape his eyes.

“Don’t go, Barry,” he begged sorrowfully, his voice breaking into a barely audible whisper. “Just… stay… please.” Barry didn’t dare to wonder anymore. He instantly closed the distance between them and cupped Oliver’s face gently in his hands, forcing the blond to fully face him. Revealing the sight of his wretched boyfriend caused him an utter pain, yet he persisted and kept his expression soft and caring.

“I’m right here, Ollie, and I’m not going anywhere,” Barry reassured lovingly, keeping their eye contact still. And as he heard how Oliver started sniffling, he couldn’t help but wipe all tears away from the blond’s face only to watch countless more stream down.

“But you still want to go to Starling.”

“Yes, but I already told you that it’s gonna be just for a few days. And then I’ll come back.”

“Few days for you, but for me it’s few nights of horrific nightmares,” Oliver gasped hopelessly, backing away from the contact and once again turning towards the Central before him, desperately trying to hide his flushed face full of tears.

“You had nightmares before though. How did you deal with them back then?” Barry asked carefully and Oliver stayed silent. He just sheepishly shrugged and sighed. He knew it was time to tell the truth no matter how scared he was.

Barry followed the trail of Oliver’s fingers towards his scarred wrists. As soon as the realization struck him, he couldn’t help but let a gasp of disbelief escape his mouth while he slowly blinked.

“But you don’t have any other scars,” Barry wondered with his eyes rapidly widening.

“There are other ways how to hurt yourself,” Oliver sorrowfully pointed out. That caused Barry’s heart to skip multiple beats as he repeated Oliver’s words in his brain over and over again. Regular breathing was nothing more than just a memory now and stopping his limp knees from collapsing also proved to be just another dead end. Mouth which had always had some soothing words to say was suddenly dry, letting the silence take hold of them. And before Barry could finally find some courage to break it, Oliver went back inside the apartment, sat down on the couch and pressed his head against his palms. Barry didn’t dare to wonder for even a second as he followed him inside, sitting right next to him. And as he clutched Oliver’s arm in a tight grasp he was determined to never let go. This simple gesture left Oliver completely stunned.

“Why are you still here? Why can’t you just leave when you can clearly see I’m fractured beyond repair?” Oliver murmured sorrowfully, letting more and more tears stream down his face, watering his hands.

“Because I don’t actually believe that you are as lost as you claim to be,” Barry tenderly replied, leaning his head on Oliver’s tense shoulder.

“Stop playing with me, Barry. I saw that horrified look on you when I said it. It was filled with fear.”

“You’re right, at first I was horrified by the thought, but not of you. I know you had good reasons for this and do you honestly think that I’ve never thought about this either? Because I have, multiple times. I’ve never found the courage to do that in the end though, but I can’t say I didn’t try,” Barry admitted timidly, which caused Oliver to raise his head and look at him.

“But I did it. Many times, without thinking clearly about it.”

“When was the last time you did it?”

“When you saved me from dying.”

“That was months ago, Ollie, and many things had happened since then.”

“Maybe, but that still doesn’t excuse my doings,” Oliver protested dejectedly, running a hand through his hair and sniffling even more as the tears were an unstoppable force ruling over his face.

“Oliver, listen to me,” Barry spoke up once again, raising his head, reaching for Oliver’s hand and entangling their fingers together. “There is nothing wrong with you, okay? Absolutely nothing. Because it’s like with Gideon. This does not define who you really are under all those layers that cover you. It’s not the only thing that matters when it comes to you. It’s about details, all those little things you have done throughout your whole life that matter. And you can’t convince me that they were all bad, because I know that isn’t true. You might’ve made mistakes, but honestly who hasn’t? When I saw Mardon, I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me and then all I could think of was the constant rage within me. You changed that, you helped me. A person who is beyond repair would never be able to do that for sure.”

“Not everything I’ve done is something to be proud of. Especially when it comes to my little sister,” Oliver pointed out brokenly, letting his head drop once more. “The truth is that I did something which hurt her. At first, I thought it was the right decision but after some time I wasn’t so sure anymore. And when you asked me what was wrong I didn’t want you to know, because I was too scared. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”

“It’s okay, Ollie,” Barry hushed him tenderly and squeezed his hand encouragingly, dedicating him a warm smile. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but if you do, then know that I’m here and I’m willing to listen to everything you have to say.”

Oliver looked at him for the last time, spotting that sincerity in his boyfriend which he so desperately craved. And with that he was ready to begin.

_Little Oliver was patiently waiting for Thea to show up under the tree. It was their spot, where no one was bothering them. But in the same time, it was close enough to for the nurses to see them. Other children were playing and he was there, thinking. The director of this orphanage had told him that someone wanted to adopt Thea, but could not adopt him as well. And truth to be told, he was angry for that. Because they wanted to separate him from his younger sister, the last family he had, the last person in his life he cared about. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t understand what kind of cruelty this was. Why after so much suffering he still deserved more._

_“Hey, Ollie, did they ask you who had beaten us like they asked me?” Thea asked as soon as she approached him, breaking him completely from his trance._

_“They did, but I didn’t say anything,” Oliver whispered cautiously, making sure Thea was the only one who could hear him. “Please tell me you didn’t say anything either.”_

_“But why? They deserve to be punished for what they did to us,” Thea pointed out angrily, showing vivid confusion written all over her features._

_“You don’t understand. Even if they get punished, that will hardly stop them. And if yes, then the word will spread and everyone will know what you did. And no one will ever leave you alone after that,” Oliver claimed nervously, running a hand down his face. He knew this was wrong and that he had to do something with it before something bad would happen to her._

_“That doesn’t matter, because I have you. And as long as we are together, we’ll be okay,” Thea innocently assured him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it encouragingly. And before he could stop it a single thought entered his mind. A thought of Thea getting herself a better future. The one she so desperately craved and so clearly needed. And although it hurt him enormously, he knew that it would be better for her. So much better than he had to offer. He was her brother and he loved her with all his heart and that was exactly why he needed to let her go and take the blame. She didn’t deserve any of this. Neither did he, but no one wanted him. Unlike him she had that chance to start over and he couldn’t take that away from her no matter how hard and unfair it was that he would be left alone in this cruel world. He couldn’t be selfish anymore, even if it meant that he had to lose the last person he truly cared about._

_So he did his best to hide any emotion there was to see on his face, rebuffed the kind gesture his sister was doing and pulled his hand roughly from her grasp._

_“What are you doing?” she asked with confusion and he only offered her another death glare. That was a trick he’d learned from his bullies. At least they were good for something in the end._

_“What I should’ve done a long time ago. The truth is that I’m fed up with your whimpering. Leave me finally alone! This world will never listen to anything you have to say. No one will ever care about how much you are suffering. And you know why? Because world is a cruel place. No one is going to be okay and especially the two of us are not going to be okay no matter how much you want it. So stop living in naïve fantasies and finally accept the truth,” Oliver hissed at her, using every inch of rage he could find within him. He watched as her eyes started glittering, indicating the groups of tears, ready to stream down her face in any second. Although it was one of the biggest pains he’d experienced, he knew he had to carry on for her sake._

_“Please, stop,” Thea pleaded hopelessly, but Oliver only scoffed at her efforts._

_“You don’t get it, do you? But then again you were never a match for me so I shouldn’t be really surprised. Poor Thea, always so slow and naïve. Every time we were in public I felt ashamed of how stupid my sister was.” With that said he quickly spotted how the first tear came out of Thea’s eye, leaving a watery trail as it streamed down her face. Yet he persisted no matter how much his heart begged him not to._

_“You see, I don’t need you. You were always just a burden for me, holding me back from things I wanted to do. And now you’re just a constant reminder of the fact that our parents are dead and are not coming back. So why don’t you just leave me alone for good?” Oliver growled at her, seeing now hundreds of tears streaming down her face, making it completely wet and without thinking it through he just angrily turned around and walked away from her, hoping that this was everything that needed to be done. However, in that moment he let himself also be gullible as he soon found out that his sister was smarter and more persistent than he’d thought. She’d seen right through that lie._

_Thea quickly reached for his hand, gripping it tightly afterwards, unwilling to let go of it. And in that moment Oliver could swear that something had broken in him, something which would never find the way to fix itself. That was what he wanted himself to believe in, because otherwise he would never forgive himself what followed after that._

_Oliver once again rebuffed the gesture, pulling his hand quickly away from the grasp and slapping her little sister on her cheek with all strength he could find within himself. That action shoved Thea away, causing her to almost lose all her balance. Oliver watched as she reached to the red mark of his hand on her face with a horrified look ruling over her. He could no longer breathe, no longer look into her green eyes anymore. He could no longer take how much he’d hurt her. The only thing he could do was hope that one day she would understand why he’d done what he’d done._

_Yet he couldn’t convince himself to move, his whole body was utterly stunned, unable to shift in any way. The last thing he could remember was how the nurses were dragging him away from Thea and helping her afterwards. He dedicated her his last glance as he watched her crying on the grass with one of the nurses comforting her until she completely disappeared from his sight. After that he’d never seen her again._

An unbearable silence was ruling over them as Oliver desperately waited for Barry to say something. Anything to be honest. Just something which would indicate how disappointed his boyfriend now was. Yet Barry didn’t dare to move, say nor do anything else. He just retained the same composure as before. And when the silence had become too much for Oliver, he decided to break it instead.

“Now you know why I’m so scared of facing her. I’ve never told anyone but you, so you would understand why I can’t go to see her. She probably hates me still,” he claimed hopelessly, running a hand through his hair, letting another pair of tears escape his eyes. With his perfect memory he could still clearly remember her horrified look. It was strongly printed into his brain and because of that, it hurt even more. Then he suddenly felt how Barry gripped his hand and placed a soft kiss on it. That made him instantly return back to reality.

“What was that for?” he asked, confused and Barry couldn’t help and just lovingly smile at the man before him.

“You know what I see when I look at you?” Barry questioned softly, still not letting go of Oliver’s hand. The blond sadly shook his head and Barry gripped it even tighter. “I see someone who has suffered more than enough, but came stronger in the end. Someone who is willing to do anything to make their dreams come true. You might’ve struggled and gotten lost more times than you can count, but in the end you always found your way back. And although you don’t want to show it, you have a caring heart, which is willing to do anything to help people you care about. And every time I look at you, I smile. I don’t feel annoyed, sad or angry. I just simply smile, because that’s what your presence causes. And not just to me but to others as well. And what you said is just another proof of how huge meaning your love holds. Maybe your decision wasn’t the right one, but the intention came right from your heart. You wanted to protect your sister whatever the cost and that’s what counts for me. You’re still a hero to me, Ollie, no matter how hard you try to deny it. And this one sin will never change that.” After that Oliver quickly pressed his head against Barry’s chest, desperately yearning for comfort which was Barry thrilled to provide. The brunet quickly wrapped his arms around Oliver, keeping him in the loving embrace for as long as he dared. And as he felt his t-shirt getting wet of Oliver’s tears he pressed his lips against the top of Oliver’s head with a gentle kiss. That caused the blond to clutch into him even tighter.

“I wish she would see it the same way,” Oliver whimpered and closed his eyes, pushing even more tears out.

“Maybe she does and honestly you can’t know that unless you see for sure,” Barry pointed out, letting go of his lover as Oliver suddenly raised his head back to face him properly. “Come with me. We can get everything done in no time and we’ll be away just for a few days. We’ll be back on time. We won’t miss it, I swear.” Oliver really tried to think this through, to picture himself brave enough to face her. And her forgiving him. The thought was really breathtaking, yet surreal and deep down he knew that if he’d gone to Starling City, he would return even more broken. He’d done something unforgivable. Not even he could forgive himself for that. So why should Thea? When she was the one he’d hurt the most?

So he just closed his eyes and hopelessly pressed his forehead against Barry’s, cursing on the fact he couldn’t say yes to the brunet no matter how much he wanted. Fear was stronger now and although he wasn’t proud of that, he doubted he could fight it. Maybe it was okay to step back from time to time, when the strength to overcome his fear was nowhere to reach. Or maybe it wasn’t. He wasn’t really sure. The only thing he knew was that this trip could cause him unthinkable pain and he didn’t want that anymore. So he just sighed and hoped that Barry would understand.

“I can’t, Barry,” he admitted shamefully in the end. But Barry was not disappointed nor mad. He wouldn’t dare to be either of those things after all that honesty which he had heard tonight. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay. I understand,” Barry assured him and weakly smiled.

“You want to leave?” Oliver asked, horrified by the answer, which caused Barry to frown.

“I told you. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, because there is no place I’d rather be,” Barry whispered softly and smiled warmly at his lover. After that he once again wrapped his arms around Oliver in a comforting embrace, showing every emotion, which words couldn’t. And Oliver didn’t pull away. He openly let himself linger in the feeling of Barry’s hands clutching him. And as he gripped the brunet’s t-shirt tightly and nuzzled into his neck, the gap which had been swallowing him in whole was suddenly filled and with that he once again felt like home. Like the only one thing that mattered in his life was the fact that Barry was still there with him regardless of how Oliver had sometimes gotten lost from his true self. And for as long as Barry was with him, he knew that he was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As long as Barry is with him…in that case I wonder what will happen when he leaves for Starling… Anyway, thanks for reading even though it was sad (or wasn’t it?). At least our two boys are handling their sorrow together and not apart. So it could always be worse… See you soon :) (I hope).


	26. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I would like to know what love is, Dad,” Gideon admitted timidly, which caused Oliver immediately to freeze. Tools immediately slipped through his hands as Gideon’s words left him completely stunned. Had he really heard that right? Did she really ask about love?  
> Oliver immediately let go of everything, cleared his throat as he was caught totally off guard and turned on his chair to face Gideon’s hologram.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this took longer than I supposed it would and I didn’t have as much time as I would want actually, so please don’t expect that this chapter will be something great. Sorry for grammar mistakes as well, because I was in real rush. But I hope you can forgive me and still enjoy it.

Oliver had no idea how he’d gotten into the bed, but that was exactly where he’d woken up the next day. Without Barry by his side, which immediately brought back memories from the previous night. He reluctantly sat up and ran a hand down his face with clear frustration as his paranoid thoughts once again ambushed him. Yesterday, Barry had promised he would never leave him. But now he wasn’t there and although Oliver tried his best to not come to some hasty conclusions, his mind seemed too resilient to give him some kind of break.

He tried to stay quiet and listen whether he would hear some kind of sound, anything that would prove that Barry was still there. But when nothing came to the surface, he just scoffed with annoyance at his luck and got up from bed. Staying there would not help him at all, because in times like these, keeping his brain busy by something else was the only possible solution.

So he put some clothes on and transformed into his neat version. His annoyance and sorrow was increasing so rapidly, that convincing himself to go to work prove to be unbelievably difficult. His mind was so fed up with all these possible scenarios of what had happened with Barry, that it caused him nothing more than just painful headache. And all he wanted was just to curl up and ignore the outside world for the rest of his days. And these horrible feelings even increased when he searched the whole apartment and found it completely empty. Barry really wasn’t there. And no matter how hard Oliver tried to deny it, he knew it was the truth. And the truth couldn’t be twisted, shuffled with anything else, or changed. It could only continue to exist in the exact same form and that was what hurt the most about it all. That he couldn’t change it.

So he aimed his feet to the entrance door and headed towards it with his head constantly facing the ground. Which was why it really surprised him when he opened the door and suddenly saw one man who was the cause of his paranoid and depressing thoughts. His head immediately lifted as he saw those hazel green eyes before him full of shock and sudden worry. That sight utterly confused him, which was the reason why he didn’t notice bags of food, which Barry was holding.

“You’re awake. That’s… uh. How did you sleep?” Barry asked cautiously, because he had no idea which part of Oliver he was now facing. Whether it was that opened one or the complete opposite of that.

Oliver refused to answer that question. He just broke the eye contact they held and stepped aside to let Barry come in. He wanted to let go of his boundaries and just hug the brunet with all his strength, but something was always holding him back from it. And he couldn’t comprehend what.

“How are you feeling?” Barry tried once again softly, trying to get a hold of Oliver’s blue eyes. But saying that the blond was resistant would definitely be an understatement.

“I’m fine,” Oliver replied casually, maybe too quickly for Barry’s liking and crossed arms over his chest. Which Barry concluded as the perfect sign of closure. But before he could say anything in a protest, Oliver just sat down on a couch with his elbows leaning on his knees. And when a huge exhale escaped his mouth Barry didn’t wonder anymore. He immediately let go of the bags in his hands and came closer to his lover and kneeled down right before him. Without saying anything he gently placed his palm on Oliver’s cheek, forcing the older man to face him. And what he saw in those blue eyes caused him to be completely dazed. Hurt and regret was still there, going strong as before. Yet inches of fear were the most vivid part of all of that. Fear of redundant solitude. Of forsaking.

Oliver lingered in the touch and melted into the soothing feelings which the gesture was causing. Then he looked into those hazel green eyes and accepted the fact that Barry was really there, willing to stay by his side no matter what.

“I’m here, Ollie,” Barry whispered softly and dedicated him a warm smile, because he knew exactly what the blond was thinking. He knew him that much. Which was why he couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by this constant need to prove where his loyalty and love stood. He’d never been a fan of patience, yet with Oliver this statement did no longer mean anything. With Oliver he really believed that he would never get tired of proving his undying love. Even if it was naïve. Because deep down he knew that their love was far stronger than anything he’d experienced before. And that it would always survive in the end. Because it was paved with honesty and mutual trust and littered with their friendship which had never faded nor vanished from their grasp.

“I know. It’s just that when I woke up and found the apartment completely empty I just...,” Oliver admitted hopelessly, finding it suddenly hard to find the right words.

“Panicked and expected the worst, right?” Barry finished for him and watched as his lover only nodded in response. “Yes, I know the feeling. And I’m sorry for leaving so early this morning, but I wanted to make sure I would have enough time for everything and I didn’t want to worry you. But it seemed to me that I was late anyway. That’s just my kind of luck…”

“Barry,” Oliver interrupted him suddenly, breaking the younger man from his rambling. “Enough time for what?”

“Well, for a little surprise, I guess,” Barry replied with a sheepish smile. “I got you breakfast. Your favorite. And I wanted to be back before you would wake up, but the fact that I don’t have super speed or something like that kind of made it harder for me.”

“You having super speed? The world would crumble,” Oliver teased harmlessly with a small smirk forming on his face. And that was such a welcome sight that Barry couldn’t even feel offended by that. Because he’d missed his teasing very much, more than he’d ever thought possible.

“It’s nice to see you smile again. It isn’t so hard after all, is it?” Barry asked tenderly and lifted one of his eyebrows.

“Not when you are around,” Oliver agreed sincerely, not daring to drift away from those dreamy eyes before him.

“Then I guess you are lucky. Because you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily,” Barry remarked with a smug smile, which was so adorable that Oliver just couldn’t hold back anymore. So he placed his hand on Barry’s neck, leaned in and connected their lips in a tender kiss, proving all that was left unsaid and yet true. And all the gentle and loving aspects, which that simple kiss held were enough to let Oliver finally relax. They flooded him with this amazing feeling of peace and safety, which could make all doubts and worries disappear in a flash. Stop his constant trembling and give him a reason to raise his head and leave it raised so he could look at the brunet in a way no one else could. Because he felt feelings he’d never experienced before. Because he wanted to do things which had never even entered his mind. And even if it was just a simple small kiss, it meant a whole world to both of them. And when they broke it and pressed their foreheads against each other, suppressing their warm smiles had never felt harder.

“What was that for?” Barry whispered, slowly opening his eyes.

“Must there be a reason? I’m just happy that you’re here,” Oliver assured without any catches or lies hidden beneath it. The warm smile on his face caused butterflies in Barry’s stomach, which wasn’t a new feeling for the brunet at all. He could always feel them whenever Oliver looked at him and yet he still refused to get bored of that feeling. Because it was that look, which people couldn’t see so easily every day. This look had to be well deserved and sincere in every damn way. It proved that Barry meant the infinite to Oliver. He was his whole world and so much more. And after all those disappointments and abandonments that had occurred during his whole life, something like this was nothing less than a clear blessing for Barry. That kind which he would cherish for the rest of his days.

“Always,” he uttered lovingly, entangled their fingers and stood up, tugging the blond to the kitchen and taking the bags of food with them. And it was only after that when Oliver noticed that something was definitely not right. More particularly, the smell there.

“You burned something here, didn’t you?” Oliver questioned, arching an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

“Please, Ollie, have some faith in me, okay?” Barry casually replied with an innocent look in his eyes. However, Oliver refused to believe his words for even a second and instead of letting go of this subject, he let go of Barry’s hand, crossed arms over his chest and cocked his head to one side, shooting the man before him an unimpressed look. And thanks to that, it didn’t take long until Barry surrendered.

“Can anything escape your attention?” Barry snorted and frowned at the smirk which had just grown on Oliver’s face. “But nothing serious happened, okay? Let’s just say that buying breakfast from Jitters was not exactly my plan A. But I still managed fine. Your kitchen is okay. The pan is okay. Your whole house still stands. Eggs might not be okay, but they were a lost cause anyway. You are okay and I’m okay too, so I call that a win at some point. And this doesn’t even hurt anymore.” At those last words, Oliver immediately stiffened and lost the smirk from his face. His eyes instantly landed on one of Barry’s hand which the brunet had been subtly hiding before. It was only after Oliver came closer and gently lifted the brunet’s hand to get a closer look that Barry noticed what he’d just said.

“You didn’t know?” Barry asked timidly, flinching instinctively as Oliver touched his hand.

“No, I really didn’t. How was I supposed to notice? It’s not exactly like you shoved your hand to my face, is it? And how could I look somewhere else with that glittering eyes of yours before me?” Oliver growled at his boyfriend, who just smiled smugly at those words. “How did it happen anyway? Because I find it hard to believe that someone who is skilled in chemistry can so easily get burned while making breakfast.”

“I wasn’t exactly paying attention to that to be honest. Someone’s eyes were occupying my mind too,” Barry pointed out and smirked at his lover. “So I think that makes us even.” At hearing those words Oliver just snorted but soon regained the small on his face. After that they both sat down and started eating. During that, silence didn’t dare to be a problem for them. They were still those same people. They were still deeply in love with each other and something like that had the most splendid perks.

“So are you already preparing yourself for your big night?” Barry asked before he took another bite.

“What do you mean?” Oliver replied, frowning and cocking his head to one side of confusion.

“Well, in two weeks we are gonna present Gideon to the public for the first time, but someone has to have some sort of speech before that, don’t they?”

“Yes, I actually know how this works, Barry. It’s just that this is Harry’s specialty. Not mine. I barely get on the stage when we present inventions. He takes care of that, so why should I?” Oliver pointed out and shrugged, trying to play it cool, but failing in Barry’s eyes.

“I might’ve heard a rumor,” Barry admitted with a sly small on his face. “About you being the man of the night.”

“Then you’ve heard wrong, because I doubt Harry would allow me to even think about presenting her to the public,” Oliver pointed out and scoffed. “My job is to prepare her and make sure that everything will go exactly as it should. And that’s it.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I were you.”

“There is no reason for him to even consider handing that to me,” Oliver snorted and shook his head.

“You sure about that? Because the last time I noticed you’d done most of the work on her. She even calls you ‘Dad’.”

“Last time I noticed she called you ‘Dad’ too,” Oliver remarked and smirked.

“Only because you told her to,” Barry protested and waved his hands slightly.

“Just like you did too,” Oliver hushed him and with a smirk and cocked his head to one side adorably. That sight caused Barry to scoff, but suppressing his smile only seemed useless. So he just let go of this banter and decided to finish his breakfast.

“Okay. We’ll see about that,” were his last words on that matter and after that Oliver only smiled and the two of them turned the conversation to another direction. Soon after that they were both finished, with their coffees already drunk, so they both left the apartment and headed towards the STAR Labs. And even with all that had happened the night before, Oliver still reached for Barry’s hand and held it tightly in his grasp. And he didn’t let go until they both found themselves inside the building.

* * *

 

Funny thing was that during the whole way, neither of them let go of their opinions on the fact whether Oliver was going to be the one presenting Gideon in two weeks to the public. Yet what else could you expect from minds as stubborn as the two of them owned? However, all of that stopped as soon as Harry himself said his part on this matter. Which meant that Barry indeed was right and Harry wanted to give Oliver the honor of presenting that night. And although Oliver didn’t yearn for that kind of opportunity, he had no other choice than to accept.

“Told you,” Barry claimed triumphantly with a smug smile once they were once again alone.

“Shut up, Bar,” Oliver growled and glared at his boyfriend. Yet Barry only chuckled at that response and soon after that decided to get to work. They still needed to make sure that night would go flawlessly and they had only two weeks to accomplish that, so every second was precious. But if one of them took a few moments just to glance at the other one from now and then, who could really blame them? Because working alongside someone who was the reason of your constant smile couldn’t be so easy after all. 

* * *

 

“Dad?” Gideon spoke up sheepishly one day while Oliver was working. No one was in the lab, but them.

“Yes, Gideon?” Oliver responded without breaking his concentration on the work on Gideon’s physical body. Staying focus on both work and people at the same time was one of his many advantages. Unless it came to Barry. Then he was screwed and this statement could go to hell.

“Would you mind if I asked you a question?”

“I didn’t mind even the seventeenth time, so why should I mind now?” Oliver pointed out with a small smile. “And it seems to me that even if I did mind, you wouldn’t let that stop you.”

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” Gideon replied innocently, preparing to log out before Oliver stopped her.

“It’s okay, Gideon. Ask on whatever you need to know. I’m here for you,” Oliver protested, still keeping his gaze firmly aimed at his work.

“I would like to know what love is, Dad,” Gideon admitted timidly, which caused Oliver immediately to freeze. Tools immediately slipped through his hands as Gideon’s words left him completely stunned. Had he really heard that right? _Did she really ask about love?_

Oliver immediately let go of everything, cleared his throat as he was caught totally off guard and turned on his chair to face Gideon’s hologram.

“I think… um… that you should ask your other dad on that. He can answer that question thousand times better than I can,” Oliver claimed nervously, running a hand through his hair. It wasn’t exactly a lie, because yes, Barry could answer this question a lot better than he could. So why was Gideon asking him?

“I had come to the same conclusion, but when I asked him the same question, he said I should ask you instead. He believes that you can provide the best answer,” Gideon explained truthfully, which caused Oliver to sigh. _Bastard_ , he cursed on his boyfriend, because he knew perfectly that that little shit had done this on purpose. Yet he fully realized that the only thing he could do was to answer Gideon’s question, before she would feel bad about asking.

“It’s… not easy. The definition of love is not strictly laid out in a stone. Everyone sees it differently. People all around the world have their own opinions on it,” Oliver claimed and shook his head little disappointed that he couldn’t give Gideon the answer she needed.

“Then, please, tell me yours. World can be full of people with their opinions, but I don’t know them like I know you. What _you_ think matters to me,” Gideon admitted and awaited Oliver’s response, who just smiled warmly at the ground beneath him. “How do you see love?”

“Like the most complex thing on this world, because sometimes it doesn’t matter how many experiences you have or how much you’ve been through. You just can’t comprehend it completely no matter how hard you try,” Oliver claimed and weakly smiled at the ground. After that he took a breath, raised his head and crossed arms over his chest.

“For me love is some sort of blessing actually. Mostly because of the fact it comes when you least expect it. It gives you strength to do things you would never even think of, because you didn’t have any courage. And sometimes every little gesture, every little word is enough to put you in peace, to make it all quiet and cause you to smile. It brings out parts of you, which you didn’t know even existed. It changes the way you look at the world and the people in it. It throws you off guard at times you least expect it until you can barely remember what it was like before your loved ones walked into your life for the first time. And before you realize it, you’re suddenly deeply stuck in it without any way out. But at the same time you can’t bring yourself to care, because you’re happier than you’d ever been. And in that time it’s enough for you.”

After that Oliver couldn’t help but snort at his words. Because it didn’t matter how heartwarming and sincere they were, it was like he’d said earlier. Love was the most complex thing for him. Especially because of the fact how amazingly it could make you feel and then tore you apart like it was the easiest thing on this world. Nothing in his life was just plain black or white. And although love sometimes seemed more black and sometimes more white, it was always grey, ready to strike him with as much pain as joy before.

“Yet sometimes love can also be a curse,” Oliver claimed, ran a hand through his hair and stood up. His brain worked better while he was standing.

“I’m not sure I understand. How can be something both a blessing and a curse at the same time? Doesn’t one statement negate the other one after all?” Gideon asked, completely confused.

“You’re right, but it’s like I said. Love is a pure complexity, which breaks rules however it sees fit. And this is no exception. Love is a curse, because it makes you do sacrifices you would never do in your whole life. And it doesn’t matter how fatal they are, because when it comes to love, no sacrifice is too big for you. You do everything in your power to help your loved ones, to make them happy even if the cost of it is your own happiness. Because it pains you to see them unhappy. It hurts so much that you begin to doubt that something could cause you pain which would be worse than this. You don’t regret a single thing, because you believe it was all worth it, that the smile on their faces was worth the high price. And the sad thing about it is that you realize how wrong you were only when it’s too late. You can’t change it anymore, can’t take any of it back, because it stays with you for good. Every sacrifice you’ve made, every time you’ve decided to put them first instead of yourself is gonna follow you and stay with you forever. Then the regrets and self-blame come, that you could’ve done something to prevent that. Rage follows soon after that, because you’re mad at yourself, at them and at the rest of the world as well. Because it hurts every day of your life and you just suffer it with hopes of better future, even though that deep down you know it will never get easier.”

And suddenly fighting tears felt much harder, because Oliver could feel how they were grouping inside his eyes and just waiting for the right time to break loose. He’d been okay before, but now he couldn’t be farther from that. And all of that just because of this one simple question. Because the answer was not at all as simple as he would want it to be. It caused him to relive all this pain once again and reminded him of how much had happened to him in such short time. And how utterly it hurt that he couldn’t change it no matter how much he wanted to. It was stuck with him forever.

“Why do you do it then? Why do you let yourself find love when you know perfectly what awaits you in the end? Why do you voluntarily let yourself suffer so much?” Gideon questioned, which once again left Oliver wonderstruck, because these were the exact same questions he’d asked himself multiple times before. And even after all those years, there were still times when he would ask it again. Because imagining pain worse than that seemed really surreal to him. He’d been broken more times than he was able to admit. And yet after all of that, he was still here, going stronger than ever, capable of smiling and laughing like a normal person. Why? When he had so many reasons to just let go of everything and give up?

“Because you’ll never know how it works out in the end. You can’t know whether you’ve already found the right person. The only thing you can do is to believe that this person is somewhere out there, searching for you too and once you find them, you both will be happy without this pain and regrets,” Oliver claimed in the end without anything hardening his heart. Because deep down he knew this was the truth that he’d refused to see for so long, but now he could see it clearly. Because something in his life had changed and that had affected everything. Which was why his mind was now more open. He had faith and hope, which had been just words to him before. Now they actually held some meaning.

“And do you really believe that as well? After all that’s happened to you, you still let yourself be blinded by such naïve thoughts? Why do you keep hurting yourself like that?” Gideon remarked and Oliver just weakly smiled at her hologram, because he’d already knew the answer very well and it was time to reveal it completely.

“Because I know how it feels to be completely alone in this world. And honestly, it doesn’t matter how much these regrets, anger and sorrow trouble me, nothing is worse than an utter loneliness. Nothing hurts more than the fact that you have nowhere to go. No place you feel safe in. But when you’re lucky, you find people who would never leave you nor hurt you on purpose. You find yourself a family and thanks to that you can be happy again even though you’re broken beyond repair. And maybe one day you can learn to trust people again and with that you’ll be able to find that perfect person in this world,” Oliver admitted sincerely, letting multiple tears stream down his face, yet he refused to wipe them away, because surprisingly they were different from the ones he’d cried during all his life. Because they were tears of happiness, caused by the fact he really had found his family and was now happier than ever. And before he even realized it, his thoughts once again turned towards the one and only Barry Allen. With that only a single thought was enough to illuminate him completely.

“Assuming that people are perfect is not right. Everyone has their flaws, everyone makes mistakes which often repeat after each other, therefore a perfect person does not exist.”

“You’re right,” Oliver nodded slightly and shifted his weight. “A perfect person does not exist. At least not for everyone, but individually, why not? You see, Gideon, you’re absolutely right. People make mistakes every day. Our behaviors differ in many things so it’s pretty understandable that they may annoy some people and therefore no one is perfect. But that doesn’t mean no one can become perfect for someone.” Although Gideon still had no idea how she was supposed to comprehend it, she decided to stay silent and let her dad speak. It was still better than not getting any answer at all.

“Love questions every rule, that applies to your life and throws it away. Because when you meet someone it doesn’t take you long until you manage to spot their flaws or any other signs of their imperfection. They are annoying. They talk too much and they can barely leave you alone. You see all of that and more and it keeps irritating you, sure, but you can also see their benefits, which have far greater worth to you. They convince you to stay and prevents you from backing away. And before you know it you’re too deep in it to get out. And that’s the time you realize how love once again changed your point of view. Because this person still has their flaws which other people can see without any problem. You can see them too, but now they barely hold any meaning to you. Because when you love somebody, you love them completely, every part of them. There are times when you loathe them, sure, but in the end you always love them with all your heart. They are perfect for their imperfection, because just as every little perk holds meaning, every little flaw does as well and together they create your home, which would be imperfect and incomplete if only one thing was missing.” By this time Oliver was smiling warmer than ever before, letting tears of happiness freely stream down his face and lingering in the thought of Barry in his mind. Only one person had caused him to realize all those things. Only one had done the impossible. And Oliver couldn’t be any more grateful for that.

“No matter the quarrels the two of you sometimes share, no matter the differences you have, no matter the pain you sometimes have to bare, deep down you know that love like this is worth all of that in the end,” he claimed confidently and with that nothing else needed to be said.

Gideon stayed quiet for a moment, focusing all her components to comprehend what she’d just heard. However, nothing helped her in this type of crisis. It still seemed too surreal for her. Just thinking about baring such pain was excruciating for her and the thought of going through something like that voluntarily was nothing more than an utter nonsense for her. How could all be worth that when it hurt so much? How could someone believe in finding happiness when searching for it caused so much suffering? And how could someone have faith in something so random and gullible? That they would find the right person for them in this world full of people?

This all seemed illogical to her, yet she still refused to reveal that to her dad. Instead of that, she searched through her measureless memory and noticed something interesting. She remembered every day in STAR Labs and people in it. And she also knew how much Oliver and Barry had suffered throughout the years. Which meant both of them had every reason to be numb and distanced from any sort of feeling. The logical thing for them to do would be staying alone for good, and yet they did the exact opposite of that. They had their families, they had each other. In fact, they’d chosen to be with each other even though they’d both experienced this sort of pain before. And they were both unconditionally happy like this without any catches or hidden lies. Even Gideon could see that, because this fact was strictly laid out in a stone.

So maybe it was true after all. That some people were just worth all of that suffering. Gideon still couldn’t completely comprehend it, but she could accept it and try to believe it for real. And maybe with time she would learn to understand it as well. The hope was always there.

“Can I ask one more question?” she spoke up timidly after a moment of silence.

“Shoot,” Oliver encouraged her with a smile.

“Do you love Barry? After all you’ve just said?”

“What do you think?” Oliver asked, arching an eyebrow at her hologram and crossing arms over his chest.

“I think that although love is the most complex thing for you, the answer on this question can’t be farther from that.” And after that Oliver couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at that comment of clear happiness and joy accompanying him. Because, yes, love in general was mostly grey, but when it came to him, the color of love was green just as the beautiful, glittering eyes of the man he loved with all his heart.

“Correct,” Oliver nodded and smirked just in time, because soon after that a sound of footsteps found its way into his ears. And when Barry appeared in the lab and Gideon refused to reveal the topic of the conversation she and Oliver had had, Oliver warmly smiled at the ground beneath him, whispering small thank-you’s which the brunet couldn’t hear, but Gideon could. And she was glad she’d chosen to stay silent, because she knew Oliver would tell him one day on his own. However, she couldn’t help but doubt it wouldn’t come without any complications. That was their specialty after all. 

* * *

 

The time they had for finishing all preparations had passed really quickly. Sara had gone home to Starling City. Barry had still kept his part of bargain and with the help of the team, everything had been taken care of in time. Gideon was ready and the same could be said about her physical body. Yet she still insisted on using that just if there was no other choice. And although it was a small disappointment for everyone, no one wanted to push her into anything she didn’t want to do.

During all those days Barry and Oliver hadn’t had any problems with each other. They’d been exactly like before. Going on dates, spending as much time with the other one as possible and enjoying every second they’d gotten. Neither of them even thought about mentioning the fact Barry was still supposed to leave Central and go to Starling. They’d both thought about it, but neither of them wanted to break the amazing time they’d shared. Even now when it was already a night before Barry’s departure, they still rather put messing around first than letting this destroy their moods. Yet something was telling them, that it was time to return back to reality and do what was right. It was time to talk.

“Who would’ve guessed that changing outfits would take the famous Oliver Queen so much time?” Barry mocked as they were checking clothes in their bedroom.

“Remind me why are we doing this again?” Oliver snorted while buttoning his shirt.

“Because we want to make sure you’ll look perfect during your presentation.”

“And here I thought I always look perfect in your eyes,” Oliver pointed out and smiled smugly at his boyfriend.

“That might be true, but don’t forget that I won’t be the only one there, genius. So stop complaining and do as you are told,” Barry commanded with a serious voice, which caused Oliver to only smirk at him. Before, Barry had thought that seeing Oliver changing multiple outfits would throw him off guard. But now it seemed like they were so close that seeing the other one naked wasn’t so mind-taking anymore. He was still distracted and tempted to get his hands on that perfectly muscled chest and trail as many kisses as possible, but at the same time he had it all under control, because this was important. He was leaving tomorrow after all and there would be no time for this when he’d return. However, sometimes he really couldn’t behave casually no matter what and had to stare at his beautiful boyfriend for at least a few seconds. And every time Oliver noticed (which was all the time), he couldn’t help but let the most devilish smirk Barry had ever seen appear on his face.

When Oliver was done with buttoning his shirt, he reached for a tie placed on the bed, but before he could get a hold of it, Barry grabbed it and left Oliver speechless.

“I thought you wanted me to get dressed,” Oliver hypothesized, arching an eyebrow at his lover.

“I want, but… may I?” Barry asked timidly and motioned towards the tie he held tightly in his grasp.

“I know how to tie a tie, Barry,” Oliver pointed out and shot the man before him an unimpressed look.

“You proved that multiple times today, so please let me have the honor now. Just this once,” Barry begged with a sheepish smile, to which Oliver couldn’t say no regardless of his efforts. And so he just let his lips quirk slightly and came closer to the brunet without saying anything. And the whole time Barry was doing his job, Oliver couldn’t help but stare at him as well with a warm smile occupying his face. It was nice to be so close and yet stay apart at the same time. And for him a gesture like tying a tie could sometimes be even more intimate than any passionate kiss they’d shared. Because throughout his whole life he’d made out with countless people, remembered considerably less and truly cared for only few of them. Yet he’d never let anyone do something as simple as tie his tie. Since the day Harry had taught him that, he’d never let anyone come so close. Not even Sara. And yet, here he was standing in the bedroom they shared, letting the brunet be so close without him minding at all. And because of that suppressing the smile on his face only proved to be impossible.

At that time Barry was really grateful that he knew how to do those things, because otherwise it would be really awkward for him. For some reason the inner parts of himself would never let him rest if he’d never tried to tie Oliver’s tie. It might’ve been strange for any other human being, but Barry was special in everything. And this simple gesture gave him a strong feeling of satisfaction which he hadn’t felt in a long time. He’d never done something like this with another man before and the fact Oliver was the first caused him heartwarming things to feel. It convinced him to be even more confident that maybe they were really meant to be and that Oliver would be the only one allowed to have his tie tied by him.

“Done,” Barry claimed as soon as he was finished, aiming his hazel green eyes now at the man before him. “And it didn’t even hurt, did it?”

“Surprisingly no,” Oliver agreed and let his cheeks blush a little. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Barry whispered lovingly and just lingered at the sight of Oliver’s blue eyes before him. And Oliver did the same. Both of them let themselves get astray at the sight of their loved one before them. And as they were falling even deeper and deeper, returning to reality was getting to be more and more difficult. Time stopped holding any meaning as the rest of their world went dark, letting only the other one be the illuminating light they craved so much. Neither of them could explain what they could see every time they looked into each other’s eyes. Whether it was their future or their thoughts, they didn’t know. But at the same neither of them could bring themselves to care, because for them sight like this was the most soothing thing on this world. Nothing could put them in peace as quickly and as easily as the sight of those eyes before them. Nothing could cause them to forget about the whole world in a matter of seconds like this. Which was why both of them cherished this moment unconditionally. And when the time felt right, Barry grabbed Oliver’s tie and pulled him closer, connecting their lips in a slow, tender kiss they both craved so much.

At first Oliver felt stunned by the sudden action, but quickly returned the gesture as he gave Barry the needed access and let him deepen the kiss. He brought his hand to the back of the brunet’s neck as he felt Barry’s tongue entering his mouth and ruling over it. He moaned into the kiss as he felt Barry’s hands moving to his waist and pulling him even closer to the embrace. At this point they were barely apart, craving even for more contact as they still refused give their lungs some break. However, they both could feel the raising pressure in their chests, preparing to riot, which was why they had to let their lips be parted in the end even though they didn’t want them to. And as they pressed their foreheads against each other, smiling suddenly felt extremely difficult. Because without saying anything, without even opening their eyes, both of their minds suddenly drifted away to one memory which was a key in this moment. And with that it didn’t take long until they realized that this was really the last night they would spend with each other before Barry would leave.

“You still want to go, don’t you?” Oliver whispered sorrowfully as soon as he was able to catch a breath, still refusing to be parted completely from the embrace.

“Just as you still want to stay,” Barry nodded, gasping of the lack of air within his lungs. “I was never going to change my mind about it.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less,” Oliver admitted timidly with his voice barely above a whisper. After that he backed down from the embrace, preparing to walk away, but Barry caught his hand just in time before something like that could happen.

“Ollie, please, look at me,” Barry pleaded, pulling Oliver back to face him. “There is no reason for you to be worried, because if there is something I’m good at, it’s finding my way back to you no matter the circumstances. Because of all people I know, I can be sure that you’ll always be worth running for. So believe me when I say that I’ll come back as soon as possible. I promise.”

“But what if that’s not enough? What if I’m not strong enough? I could break and...,” Oliver claimed, completely frightened at the thought of him experiencing nightmares again and going through that kind of pain again.

“That won’t happen,” Barry assured him firmly, cupping Oliver’s head gently in his grasp and forcing him to face him.

“You can’t know that, Bar. I mean, I’ve done it multiple times before so why should this be any different?”

“Ollie, you’re not that person anymore. I know you and I know that you’re strong enough to take it,” Barry assured and hugged the blond with all his might. “But if you really doubt you can make it like you claim, then I want you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Oliver claimed firmly as he wrapped his arms around the brunet just as tightly as him.

“Promise me that whenever it gets hard, you’ll call me, okay?” Barry pleaded into Oliver’s ear, squeezing his grasp even more tightly. Because the thought of losing Oliver like this hurt him enormously and yet he wanted to trust the other man so much. Because deep down he knew that Oliver could do it. In Barry’s eyes the blond was far stronger than he looked like. So why couldn’t Oliver believe this too?

“I promise,” Oliver claimed in the end, completely breaking Barry from his trance and flooding all his body with relief. They still retained the same position, gripping the other one in the tight embrace, unable to let go no matter what. Because thanks to that they felt at peace. Their minds were still full of multiple scenarios of what might happen in the future, which were scaring them mercilessly, but something else was there as well. And this small part kept assuring them that they were going to be okay in the end. Because they were both stronger than they’d seemed and they could take it together even when they were apart. Because for as long as they believed in each other, neither of them could become completely alone. 

* * *

 

The next day Oliver helped Barry with packing and made sure they would come to the train station on time. And the closer they were, the more his heart was beating. By the time they were already standing next to the right train, the pumping of his blood was so strong that he started being worried that the brunet would hear it too. Fortunately for him, Barry, himself, was too nervous to even notice anything else than how stressed he in fact was.

“Are we sure I have everything? Because I’m pretty sure I forgot something like always,” Barry pointed out, waving his hands in the air with a clear frustration.

“The answer on that question was the same even after you asked for the seventh time. I’m sure you have everything,” Oliver assured, placing his hand on the brunet’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“We could still go back, though,” Barry remarked timidly with a small hope inside.

“Nothing would make me happier, but considering I know you, I’m sure you would kill me tomorrow for not making you leave,” Oliver smirked and tilted his head slightly to one side.

“That’s not true at all. I would never do that,” Barry scoffed, shooting the man before him an unimpressed glance. “But you’re right, that I should probably go.”

“Probably,” Oliver agreed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Do you remember your promise?” Barry asked sheepishly. However, as soon as the blond only shot him an unimpressed stare instead of any reply, his cheeks turned red without anything holding them back. “I know that you probably wouldn’t be able to forget anything even if you tried, but still… do you?”

“With a perfect detail,” Oliver claimed with a warm smile and reached for Barry’s hand and squeezed it afterwards. Which caused Barry to smile sheepishly at their entangled fingers.

“Will you cross your fingers for me? For luck?” he asked timidly, lifting his eyebrows.

“Don’t tell me you believe something like that would actually give you some luck,” Oliver scoffed and shot a man before him a skeptical stare.

“I believe that I’ll need all the luck I can get with what I’m about to do,” Barry sighed and lowered his head at the ground beneath him.

“You’ve proven multiple times that you can do the impossible, so I believe that if someone can sort this out, it’s you, Barry Allen,” Oliver claimed sincerely and wrapped his arms tightly around the brunet in a tight embrace. And as he lingered in the feeling of total safety and felt Barry returning the gesture, he couldn’t help but weakly smile at the fact how much time it was going to take before he would feel like this again. It pained him to think about this, but at the same time he knew that this was Barry’s decision and he couldn’t change it no matter how hard he wished to. And so instead of convincing the brunet to stay, he chose to encourage him, because deep down he knew that was the right decision.

“You’re remarkable in everything you do. Your compassion and determination to help people you care about is what makes you strong. Don’t give up on that. Let that guide you instead, when it becomes too much for you,” Oliver claimed confidently with an encouraging smile, squeezing Barry even tighter. And at that time, Barry really couldn’t suppress the smile on his face, because the meaning of Oliver’s words warmed him more than he’d ever thought possible. The fact that someone believed in him so much, that he could do anything in this world was trumping any other feeling there was to experience. With that he really did feel unbeatable, like he could conquer the world without any trouble. So maybe he could do this as well. Maybe he really could go to Starling and convince Thea Queen to come back with him to Central. Or maybe the hope was still small. However, there was one thing he knew for sure and that was that he was not going to give up so easily. That was a clear proof of how deeply he really cared for Oliver’s happiness. It was a sacrifice he really didn’t see as one, because if it could make Oliver smile, no price was too high, wasn’t it?

“Thank you, Ollie, for everything,” Barry whispered with a warm smile as he felt Oliver’s hands cupping his face.

“You’re welcome, Bar,” Oliver whispered him back and slowly connected their lips in their last kiss. However, this time it wasn’t as much passionate as they would want it, because it was constantly interrupted by how many times they smiled into that kiss. And yet neither of them minded, because the meaning of it was rapidly getting bigger and bigger in the most loving way there was. It sealed the promise they’d given each other, pledging their undying love they had for one another. Although they had their worries and doubts and the fear refused to leave them alone, somehow they still managed to overpower all those things in the end and believe that these few days would work out for them. And even if not, if it was really going to cause only pain, neither of them allowed a single thought of letting this destroy their bond enter their minds. Because from the core of their hearts they both believed, that it was far stronger and too resilient to be defeated by this. Distance was only a small obstacle, which could be jumped over with the right run-up. And thankfully, they both believed that what they held was something they would run for until their last breath.

When a voice of a conductor exclaiming that the train was leaving found its way into their ears, they were forced to break that kiss and press their foreheads against each other for the final time. And suddenly all that pressure which had been gone all along was back, now hardening their shoulders even more as before.

“I have to go,” Barry whispered sadly, breaking the silence, yet still keeping his hold of Oliver firm, unwilling to leave.

“It’s okay, just… come back to me,” Oliver pleaded brokenly, not daring to break the eye contact they held, because he knew that now it would actually take time before he would see those beautiful hazel green eyes again. And it was mercilessly killing him.

Barry instantly lifted one of his hands and caressed Oliver’s cheek with all tenderness he could find within himself. “Always,” he promised sincerely with a warm smile occupying his face as he watched Oliver placing his hand over his own and returning that smile just as kindly. And although it was hard, after a few more seconds they both let go of the other one. Barry dedicated him his last look and aimed his feet towards the train, getting inside afterwards.

Oliver watched his lover leave, yet refused to let that smile on his face completely vanish. Because he believed that his boyfriend would for sure come back in the end. And a thought like that was enough to illuminate him completely inside.

As soon as Barry had found his rightful seat in the train, he immediately sat down and searched for his boyfriend through the window right next to him. When he found him, standing there all perfect and beautiful, suppressing his smile really felt difficult. So he waved him with his hand, saying his last goodbye. And just in time, before the train left completely, he noticed as Oliver’s fingers were crossed just for him. So yeah, they were definitely going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually miss Felicity and Harry in this story XD it feels like forever since they appeared for the last time. Anyway, I really hoped you enjoyed this even though it could feel too rushed sometimes. The truth is that in two days I’m once again leaving my country for like 11 days and so I won’t be able to update anything. Which was why I did my best to post at least this chapter. Sorry if it was horrible. And also sorry for another long break coming up. Wish me luck that I’ll survive it… again. ;) See you :).


	27. Take that risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never seen you before, haven’t I? Are you Sara’s new catch?” the stranger asked behind Barry’s back, startling him so much that Barry was forced to flinch without his realization. And before Barry could even catch his breath the dark-haired man spoke again.  
> “Probably not. No offence but you don’t seem like her type. Who are you then?” the man asked, lifting one of his eyebrows and sipping from his coffee. Yet Barry still hadn’t shaken off the first shock and how startled he in fact was. Which was why forming any sort of words seemed unexplainably difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate my lazy ass right now. So I warn you that incoming chapters are not going to be something great. But enjoy, because someone new is coming to the picture :).

Barry had never minded traveling of any sort. There was always something to do like reading or watching movies and tv shows. However, none of those tactics worked this time, because it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t shake off the constant fear which was troubling his mind. What if this was all useless? What if he was going to fail Oliver and not bring Thea to meet him? What if she was even more stubborn than he was? He could never know answers to these questions so the only thing he could do was just hope. Yet let’s just say that the fact Oliver was hundreds of miles far from him and still getting farther was not making it easier either. And thanks to that all those hours were running unimaginably slowly.

And nothing got better when he’d finally found himself standing in Starling City. Because traveling was the easiest part of all of this, but now only problems were destined to come. He was on a completely unknown place and with the thoughts of what was waiting for him there constantly appearing in his mind, how could he convince himself to calm down? And the fact he was completely alone didn’t help him either. It only emphasized how his weak knees were trembling, fighting the urge to lose their balance right away.

He remembered how he’d checked where various places in Starling were so he wouldn’t get lost, but now his mind was so closed off that he would never find this information there even if he’d had an eidetic memory like Oliver. And yet he was indeed lucky because his boyfriend was always at least one step ahead.

“You know, if someone asked me, I would never guess we would see each other again so soon,” he heard a feminine voice behind him which was just too familiar.

“Sara,” he exclaimed casually as he turned around to face her. “What are you doing here?” He did his best to hide how annoyed he felt of the fact she found him there all clueless. But in the end, he was perfectly aware that he was not such a great actor as he wished to be. Sara could still feel slight hatred and contempt in his voice. Nothing had changed since she’d left and she couldn’t help but feel sad about it. However, fortunately for her, she was much better in hiding her true emotions than Barry was.

“Ollie asked me to take care of you,” Sara explained and smiled smugly at him. And with those words said, Barry instantly realized that he was indeed screwed.

“Of course he did,” Barry sighed while lowering his head to face the ground for a slight moment. Although that sentiment was nice, because knowing Oliver cared was still touching, their thoughts and opinions about this obviously differed completely, because Barry had planned to avoid Sara for as long as possible and Oliver had thrown that plan away like it was the easiest thing in this world.

“Look, I appreciate the concern. I really do, but I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself,” Barry protested peacefully trying to wave her off, even though he perfectly knew how grateful he would be for this kind of help. Before, he thought that nothing could be stronger than his anxiety, but now he could see that his stubbornness would always be his unbeatable foe.

“Oliver seems to think otherwise.”

“And you just do whatever he says, don’t you?” Barry spat out at her, because the already small amount of patience he held within himself was rapidly slipping through his fingers and even though he didn’t like it, stopping it required an effort he couldn’t provide no matter what. He still hadn’t forgotten what she’d done, hadn’t forgiven her either. Which was why the fact he had to look at her caused nothing more than his rage to grow.

“Maybe not, but I agree with him. Barry, you’re in Starling City. You don’t know it here like you know Central. Seriously if you just let me help you, things would be so much easier.”

“Like what?” Barry argued, arching an eyebrow at her.

“You really want to wander around Starling? By the time you get to Thea she’ll already be somewhere else. And did you even thought about where you are gonna be staying?” Sara questioned, crossing arms over her chest.

“For your information, yes I did. I have money you know, because last time I noticed I was working for STAR Labs and guess what - I still am which means I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself,” Barry growled at her scornfully, waving his head in the air.

“Tell that to Ollie.”

“I will. Right now,” Barry stated firmly and reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, but before he could even search for Oliver’s number Sara quickly grabbed the phone from his grasp with a triumphant smile on her face.

“Are you trying to convince me that my reflexes are still nothing to be proud of? Because if so, you can stop. Oliver is handling this job just fine,” Barry claimed, irritated, motioning for her to give him back his phone. However, when she refused to even move and the smirk on her face only widened, he only scoffed at his sort of luck.

“Sara, this is an extortion. As a detective, you should know this after all, so please, give me back my phone,” Barry pointed out, dedicating her a death glare, giving her the last chance although the patience inside him was rapidly fading from his reach.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Barry. I want to help you to find Thea and convince her to go see him. And if we want to accomplish that, we need to stop with this. For him. So I’m here begging you to give me a second chance. Oliver told me how you’d given him one back then when he’d woken up. He claimed that thanks to that everything had changed for him to better. Give me that chance too. Just this once. And soon you’ll get your phone back. I promise,” Sara swore sincerely, looking directly into his eyes.

Barry’s mind immediately drifted away back to Oliver, thinking about how his relationship with him could have only been considered as doomed at the beginning and only because of the fact they’d been capable of giving the other one a second chance, of giving their second look on the whole situation, they were now in love, sharing one of the strongest bonds they’d ever experienced. If only this one thing had worked out differently, Barry might not be there at all. Maybe they would never find the right way to each other’s hearts. And they would never be able to erase all prejudices they’d held against each other before. And although Barry still didn’t feel okay with trusting Sara, he had to admit that the relationship they held was far too similar to the one he’d had with Oliver. Which was why he decided to let her help him for just this once.

“Okay. But this doesn’t mean we are good or anything. I’m doing this for Oliver and that’s it,” Barry stated firmly, gesticulating with his hands where his boundaries stood. And although Sara didn’t like it, she had no other choice than to nod.

“That’s all I ask,” she surrendered and cautiously took his luggage. At this sight Barry scoffed, because he knew very well that if he’d wanted to be a dick, he would take that luggage back but for all he knew something like that was never him. And even though he didn’t trust her as much as he would like, he didn’t want to be a jerk about it. That was not how his parents and Joe had raised him. And if nothing else, he was angrier with Oliver than he was with her, because he knew very well that that jerk had done this on purpose. If he could, he wouldn’t hesitate and give him a very explicit call, but she had his phone. And for what it was worth, maybe it was good like this. At least Barry had a chance to calm down a little, before he would say something he might regret to Oliver. Or he thought he could.

* * *

 

The first thing Sara did when they’d gotten into her car was that she took Barry to eat. And thankfully Starling City was a fan of junk food as much as Central. Which was why finding Big Belly Burger was no difficult task.

“You like Big Belly Burger?” Barry asked as soon as they’d gotten out of car.

“Hell yeah, I hope you don’t mind though. Because I’ve been on my feet for far too long and honestly I’m starving,” Sara admitted sincerely which caused Barry to smile. Because after all he might have found something the two of them had in common. And although it wasn’t anything great, it was a small step which meant moving forward. And while they were eating and enjoying every little piece of the food before them, Barry couldn’t help and let his mind drift away back to that day when Oliver had taken him to Big Belly Burger for the first time. It was that day when Barry had realized that maybe he and Oliver had been more than just friends. And now they were here. With thoughts like this, forgetting about his problems seemed much easier. And when it cast a smile across his face without him realizing, the fact he was supposed to be mad at Oliver quickly faded out completely.

“You’re thinking about Oliver, aren’t you?” Sara asked, arching one of her eyebrows at him and totally breaking him from his trance.

“What?! Me? No, why would you think that?” Barry replied timidly, taking a bite of his burger, hoping that Sara would let go of this subject. However, she did quite the opposite.

“Because I know that look far too good.”

“Which look?” Barry questioned, frowning of confusion.

“That dreamy one, which is indicating that something is missing,” Sara explained and smirked at him.

“And I suppose you are an expert of that, aren’t you?” Barry scoffed, annoyed.

“No, I just know how it feels to be far from him,” Sara admitted little sorrowfully and lowered her head.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Barry spat out tactlessly. “I’m not leaving him, Sara, because I’m coming back to Central as soon as this is over, as soon as I’m done with you.”

“I know and I’m happy for you two. Just… be careful,” Sara pleaded honestly which stunned Barry beyond measures. Because he knew that Sara truly cared for Oliver. That sort of love was just as real as it could be. Which was why Barry could clearly see how desperate and serious she now was. She didn’t wish to see Oliver hurting anymore. And even though it pained Barry to admit this, he was perfectly aware that the pain caused by him could easily trump any other pain Oliver had ever felt. It was a risk, which was always a huge part of any kind of love. And Barry would lie if he’d said that this wasn’t troubling his mind. But he couldn’t let himself hide in darkness and uncertainty. He couldn’t let this fear dictate him what to do. Because it wasn’t right in his eyes. It had taken him some time, but if there was something he was sure about, it was the fact that leaving Oliver and hurting him was the last thing he wanted to do right now. And if taking such risks was always gonna be a huge part of that, so be it. He didn’t care, because deep down he knew it was all worth it.

And he wanted to tell her this so she would believe his words too, but even though his mind was overflowing with words and emotions, it seemed like it couldn’t reach his mouth. And so instead of saying anything else to her, he just nodded in the end.

“I need some air,” he announced after a moment of silence, stood up and left without dedicating her another look. And while Sara was there, finishing her meal, Barry’s cell phone rang and broke her from her trance. She instantly shook off her previous thoughts as she reached for the phone and saw who was calling and with a smirk on her face pressed it to her ear.

“Calling so soon? Don’t you think you’re a little too overprotective?” she joked and put one of her fries into her mouth.

“Oh, I don’t know. You tell me. From the way I see it, Barry would never give you his phone willingly, so from all I know you could’ve kidnapped him,” Oliver deduced with a smirk of his own.

“Thanks for the trust, because kidnapping is definitely something I had on my schedule today,” Sara scoffed sarcastically.

“Then tell me why Barry is so busy that he can’t pick up his own phone.”

“That’s on me to be honest. I kind of own his phone now,” Sara admitted sheepishly.

“So you took it? Do I really want to ask more?” Oliver wondered and sighed.

“It’s not like he exactly gave me any other choice. I needed something to make sure that he would accept my help and stay,” Sara claimed innocently.

“I really shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve always been creative in finding ways how to get things done,” Oliver pointed out and smiled warmly.

“Only one of my many perks,” Sara emphasized with a chuckle.

“Only one of your countless perks,” Oliver agreed and giggled back. After that a slight moment of silence fell over them, where they only shared small smiles, unaware the other one was doing the same. After everything they could still hardly behave as normal people did, but they were still at peace. Which was a step forward in both their eyes. Neither of them were so naïve that they believed they could be friends ever again. At least not now. They’ve been through too much and the constant distance between them was also keeping their bond from thriving. What kind of friendship would that even be? They had no idea, but both of them still cherished moments like these, when it all seemed… normal.

“And how is it going? Is Barry giving you much trouble?” Oliver asked, breaking the silence after it’d become too much for him.

“Nothing I can’t handle. At first, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about my presence, but after that he realized that finding Thea is far more important than any quarrel he has with me. Differences or not, help should always be welcome. And after this is done, he can once again start talking shits about me for all I care,” Sara stated carefreely, which cast a weak smile across Oliver’s face. Even though he wasn’t a fan of naivety, he still couldn’t help but hope that one day, Barry would understand and stop seeing Sara as the enemy when she was the complete opposite of that.

“And where is he anyway?”

“Right now he is flirting with a bartender,” Sara claimed with a smirk. “A pretty one. Your boyfriend really has a good taste.”

“I don’t doubt it. After all that’s why he chose me over anyone else,” Oliver pointed out with a smug smile.

“And what are you doing?”

“Flirting with a manager,” Oliver claimed with a chuckle and Sara instantly followed as the words found their way into her ears.

“Shame on you, Queen! You are very unthankful, you know that?”

“Me? You’re the one who started it!” Oliver replied back, trying so hard to hold back his chuckle but failing miserably. And Sara didn’t have any other choice than just follow the suite.

“Should I call Barry?” Sara asked after one mere silence had once again struck them.

“No need. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, which he is when he’s in your hands,” Oliver claimed casually, but Sara could feel a hint of sadness hidden within his voice.

“Are you okay? Because it’s no trouble for me to call him. I’m sure he would love to talk to you,” she offered sympathetically.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m fine. It’s just that… there are many things on my shoulders right now,” Oliver admitted timidly with his voice barely above a whisper as he rubbed his temples.

“Yeah, I heard about your big night. Don’t tell me that coming up with a speech is such a huge problem for perfect Oliver Queen,” Sara remarked playfully.

“When the whole Central has prejudices against you which are pretty valid, then yes, it’s a problem.”

“But you’ll figure something out. You always will.”

“I doubt that your words are helping me.”

“Just be yourself and the rest will come on its own.”

“But that’s the problem. I can’t be myself. Everyone hates the real Oliver Queen,” Oliver protested and sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Okay, that’s the biggest crap I’ve ever heard from you. Look, Ollie, truth is that Central doesn’t know the real Oliver Queen. But I do. Felicity, Wells, Cisco and Caitlin do. And don’t try to deny it because I’ve seen it and they all look at you differently now. Without any contempt or hatred. Barry Allen has fallen in love with the real you and I doubt that someone without a heart would accomplish something like that. Central may have their prejudices of you, but that doesn’t mean they can’t disappear. So show them.” Yet Oliver still couldn’t convince himself to believe those words. He might have changed, but a thought of erasing how he’d acted before seemed only foolish to him. Because he could see how human minds were able to remember such things even without perfect memory. Before, he didn’t care about judgmental stares or rare death glares coming from people he’d insulted in some way, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore. With gossips spreading even about Barry thanks to this, ignoring it all seemed much harder. And this was supposed to be Gideon’s big night after all. And he was going to ruin that. No matter how many times he tried to look at it differently, his measureless mind refused to see any other outcome.

“I’ll try,” Oliver assured her firmly with a small smile, because he knew she would tell Barry about this and bothering Barry with the stupid drama ruling in his mind was the last thing he wanted. “Thanks, Sara.”

“You’re welcome, Ollie,” Sara replied kindly and after saying their goodbyes, she hung up and hid the phone back to her bag just in time before Barry returned. She didn’t tell him that Oliver had called, just like she’d promised. And so without saying anything further, they both stood up and left. 

* * *

 

During their ride, it was really hard for Barry to bear everything. Sara was trying to communicate, to befriend him, but he had no desire to comply. He was still slightly pissed at her for stealing his phone. He thought about Oliver, whether the blond had tried to reach him but hadn’t gotten any answer. Was he worried? Barry would never forgive himself if something like that happened. Because after all he promised that everything would be okay. Breaking that promise now would definitely cause some damage on their trust, which needed to be protected at all cost. Because even something so strong, could be as fragile as glass.

However, every time he tried to reason with Sara about this, she just politely put him down and claimed that Oliver was okay. She was probably right and Barry was just exaggerating for some reason. But how could someone blame him, when he had his hands tied, unable to make sure everything was okay?

Fortunately, it didn’t take them long until they reached their destination. And that was the right time for Barry to let go of his previous worries. Because the sight before him left him completely stunned and caused his eyes to widen as he realized where they were – right before the building of Starling City Police Department.

“What are we doing here?” Barry asked, cocking his head to one side and crossing arms over his chest.

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re arrested,” Sara claimed firmly, gripping her hips by her hands.

“Me? I didn’t do anything wrong unlike you for example. Because I doubt that taking someone’s phone without any valid excuse is something I would find on a daily schedule of a police detective,” Barry scoffed and shook his head judgmentally.

“Don’t expect you’ll get it back so soon with this sort of attitude. Patience is a virtue after all,” Sara pointed out with a wicked smirk decorating her face and without anything else headed towards the entrance door. Barry just glared at her, sighed but followed her right away.

SCPD was definitely different in many ways from the one in Central. His former workplace was grander in almost everything. The way it looked and also with how many police officers were there. CCPD seemed like everything was at place, that everything had its order. SCPD was the exact opposite of that. Busy and chaotic like Barry’s lab when he’d used to work there. Which was why nostalgia instantly struck him when all those thoughts came to his mind. And that led to him not being able to notice when Sara had become speaking once again.

“I need to take care of some things first. And we also need to talk with my partner. He knows Thea personally. But for now, you should wait for me here,” he heard Sara’s commands as soon as he returned back to the reality. Without saying anything else he just nodded and came closer to the desk he supposed was hers. It was quite messy exactly like the rest of the building, which made him smile for a second. Because it reminded him once again of Oliver who always lectured him about being too messy. It wasn’t like Barry was doing it on purpose. He just desperately wanted to make multiple things at once, which was why keeping a track of it all seemed too hard. And every time Oliver had remarked this fact, Barry didn’t protest and slowed down for some time. Yet it had never taken long until he once again was careless and didn’t mind leaving mess everywhere he went.

However, now it caused him only to smile, because even though they were both different, their bond was still stronger than anything else. Despite the differences.

Then suddenly something else on Sara’s desk caught his attention. A picture of her, two other women and one man. Definitely her parents or so he thought and the remaining girl was around Sara’s age, maybe a little older. And with the way they looked, it was clear that they were sisters.

The whole picture looked beautiful. Their carefree smiles weren’t at all forced or strained, but true and sincere in every way. They were standing on some sort of tower or so Barry thought by the look of the amazing view they had behind their backs. Yet his eyes kept their gaze still towards Sara and for some reason he couldn’t help but wonder. Yet before he could question what confused him so much, a voice disturbed him from his trance.

“I’ve never seen you before, haven’t I? Are you Sara’s new catch?” the stranger asked behind Barry’s back, startling him so much that Barry was forced to flinch without his realization. And before Barry could even catch his breath the dark-haired man spoke again.

“Probably not. No offence but you don’t seem like her type. Who are you then?” the man asked, lifting one of his eyebrows and sipping from his coffee. Yet Barry still hadn’t shaken off the first shock and how startled he in fact was. Which was why forming any sort of words seemed unexplainably difficult.

“No pressure. You have all the time you want. I can imagine this question can be very tricky with Sara,” the man kindly remarked with a slight smirk, trying to put Barry in a little ease, yet failing miserably. When Barry stayed silent regardless and completely stunned without giving the stranger any sort of reply, the man just nodded calmly and came closer to look at what the brunet was holding.

“Intimidating, isn’t it?” he asked with a small smile as his eyes landed on the picture. And suddenly talking had become once again possible for Barry.

“What is?” he wondered, furrowing his eyebrows in the slight confusion.

“Her smile. I mean I’ve never seen her smiling like this. And you can consider me as her only friend in this city so believe me I’ve tried to make her smile like that, but without any success regardless. I guess it’s not that easy after that tragedy happened,” the man pointed out and lowered his head. Barry on the other hand was shocked when those words had struck him. Did he really hear that right?

“Tragedy?” Barry repeated with a questioning gaze, cocking his head slightly of confusion. But the man before him seemed more stunned by his words than he’d ever been.

“She didn’t tell you?” the stranger asked suspiciously and lifted one of his eyebrows.

“Sara and I… we are not exactly friends. I’m just helping her with something. I knew that something must have happened to her, which made her leave Central, but she never told me what.”

“That’s hardly surprising. It’s one of her many charms. All those secrets,” the dark-haired man pointed out with a small smile as he lowered his head to face the ground once again. “But sometimes, maybe a little honesty can solve much more. The truth is that some months ago her parents went into a storm and ended up in a car accident. Her father was okay, but her mother didn’t make it. That is why she left Central City, so she would be with her family.” Barry listened to every word just as properly as he could, repeating them over and over again when silence once again flooded them. And suddenly all that hate, that anger and rage he felt every time he looked at Sara was gone like it had never been there. And his sympathetic heart let itself be finally opened for her. And with that enormous guilt followed. When the memories, of how he’d acted towards her every time she’d approached him, were constantly there in his mind, not daring to give him some kind of break and reminding him how wrong he’d been, how could he feel okay? After all he knew exactly how she felt. He knew that pain very well. He knew exactly what loss of a mother could do to someone. He knew that enormous hurt and he hated that enormous hurt. Yet now he hated himself even more for trying so hard to make Sara feel bad about leaving, when her situation was not at all simple.

Yet some part of him still remained struggling. Because leaving Oliver like that even when she knew how much he’d been through still didn’t seem right to him no matter how much he tried to look at it from her point of view. Because yes, he knew perfectly that a loss of mother could turn anyone’s world completely upside down, but at the same time he was aware of how shuffled Oliver’s world had already been before and adding even more pain to all that mess was doing nothing less than damaging him even more. He’d lost control back then and it didn’t matter what Sara’s reasons were, he’d still lost it and almost died. So Barry couldn’t really know who was at fault here. But he was definitely sure of one thing – he couldn’t judge Sara so harshly anymore, when he knew perfectly that making this kind of choice would always be one of the hardest things there was to face in this world.

The man stayed quiet the whole time, giving the brunet all the time there was to comprehend everything. But before Barry could even form a word when his mind finally settled down, Sara returned.

“Finding you is sometimes more difficult than drinking this coffee,” Sara snorted and placed her hands on her hips. “I still don’t understand how you can drink this piss.”

“Surely not with that attitude, but it’s not that bad once you get used to it,” the man pointed out and finished the coffee, placing the cup aside afterwards. “Now care to explain me what is going on here?”

“We need your help with something. There is something I didn’t tell you about,” Sara stated as the face on her face completely faded out and was replaced by a serious expression instead.

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. I’m pretty sure that secretive is your middle name,” the man scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I know Oliver Queen. We were close. And I know you used to know him too,” Sara blurted out without thinking so it would finally come out. And results were instant. The man immediately lost the small he’d had on his face and instead lowered his head.

“What do you want from me?” the man asked with wide eyes, when countless questions popping out in his head were suddenly silenced.

“We need to talk with Thea,” Barry replied quickly, finally coming back to his senses.

“If you want to convince her to meet him, then you can stop trying. I’ve already did my best but nothing helped. She is the most stubborn person I know. So what makes you think you have a chance? For all I know you could be lying to me, because many people have already tried to trick me and Thea with this. I don’t want to be any part of that anymore,” the man scoffed and shook his head. “So tell me, how can I know that you are telling the truth?”

“You can’t,” Barry claimed firmly with a slight softness in his voice. “But that’s the thing about trust. It’s about taking risks. Only then you can see the result. You have no reason to trust me, but Sara is your partner. A person you should trust, so what’s keeping you?” And while saying those words Barry couldn’t help but let his mind drift away back to that time when he and Oliver had had that talk about trust. When Barry had felt betrayed, but Harry had cleared up everything for him. And Barry had understood that he should never hesitate in trusting Oliver. Because they’d become closer than ever. _And what do partners do?_

The man before him sighed of frustration and ran a hand down his face. But after he did his best to calm his mind, his gaze was aimed towards Sara. Multiple thoughts were popping up in his head and making some sense of them seemed only harder. He wanted to trust Sara with this, but somehow couldn’t help and hate the fact they were partners in work, knew each other for several months now and he still felt like he didn’t know anything about her. It annoyed him. And now when his mind was once again forced to drift away to Oliver again, his skepticism was easily winning over anything. Because he’d already tried everything he’d thought might work. The times he’d talked with Thea about meeting Oliver couldn’t be counted even by two hands and he’d still failed to break her stubbornness.

And with so many people trying to trick him with this, he’d lost hope that one day all of this would change. But now Sara was standing before him, claiming the exact same words which had been used against him so many times that seeing them as something else than just a sham was unthinkably hard. He’d let himself be naïve and gullible so many times and the result was always the same. He’d hurt Thea even more and just exacerbated the damage which had been done on her soul. Yet he still couldn’t help but wonder when Sara was now the one asking for his help, for his permission. It was no stranger, it was her – his partner and best friend. And with all her secrets already darkening the path to her heart before, how could he say no to her? Even if it kept annoying him, he would lie if he’d say he hadn’t already gotten used to it. It was a part of her after all.

And then his gaze once again flew over to the brunet. He had no idea who the younger male was, but something was telling him he was someone very close to Oliver. Because why else would he be here? Why would he go willingly through this trouble if they were only mere friends?

The dark-haired man looked right into those hazel-green eyes, trying so hard to look for any kind of trace. Anything that would stop him from doubting. He was a detective so searching for this kind of information through human features was not so difficult for him but even after everything he still had to admit that the most information was always held in the human eyes. Because they were always true when everything else was hiding behind lies. And so he looked into them and actually smiled as he saw exactly what he was looking for. A devotion stronger than anything he’d ever seen. And with that, wondering about this further was no longer needed.

“Okay, I’ll help you, but I don’t promise anything. Thea is way much more stubborn in this than I am, so don’t think it will be easy now,” the man pointed out firmly and crossed arms over his chest.

“Seems like she has something in common with her brother,” Sara remarked with a weak smile, which her partner returned along with another sigh. Then his gaze once again turned towards Barry, shooting him a questioning look.

“I still don’t know your name by the way. And considering we are gonna cooperate for some time, I’m sure that knowing your name will come in handy,” he hypothesized, lifting both of his eyebrows, but before Barry could answer Sara took the lead.

“This is Barry Allen. He is Oliver’s…”

“Friend,” Barry finished the sentence quickly instead of her with a clear panic accompanying him, which didn’t go unnoticed by them. Sara immediately pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows, cocking her head to one side of sudden confusion, but she still stayed quiet. Although she had no idea why Barry had said that, she still decided to let him be. For now.

“Friend?” the dark-haired man repeated skeptically and blinked multiple times in quick motion, shooting Barry an unbelieving look. Yet Barry didn’t back down, as he nodded without any hesitation.

“Just a friend,” Barry replied firmly and offered his hand for him to shake. And the dark-haired man had to fight a strong urge to not scoff at those words, because there was no way he would believe them. Just a simple look at the brunet was enough to indicate that he and Oliver were very close and Sara’s vivid confusion proved that completely. But he still decided to shake this off and carry on with this game. And maybe one day he would see with his own eyes what a word “friend” meant in Barry’s dictionary.

“Okay, Barry Allen just-a-friend. Nice to meet you. My name is Thomas Merlyn, but friends call me Tommy,” he claimed in the end with a kind smile as he took Barry’s hand in his own and shook it. Barry instantly reciprocated that smile and offered him a thankful nod. After that Tommy let go of his hand and aimed his eyes at Sara expectantly. “So where do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It really hurt to write a chapter without any Olivarry moment in it XD but I promise that one is coming in the next chapter. I hope that you won’t get bored with how the story will evolve from now on. Because I still admire everyone who is reading this story even after all this time. Your support means a lot. So till next time bye :).


	28. First reaction is not always right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You really are unbeatable in making the perfect first impression,” Tommy pointed out as he was holding her elbow tightly, unwilling to let go.

“Are you sure she is in there?” Sara asked as she skeptically looked at the entrance door of the best nightclub in Starling – Verdant. She’d actually never been there or in any other nightclub in Starling before. Hanging out with people and visiting public places in general had stopped being her forte since she’d moved in. The only connection she had with the outside world these days was only her work and nothing more. Although Tommy was trying very hard to change that every time only a slight chance appeared in front of him. And even though she mostly acted like it annoyed her, a smile always found a way to her lips in the end, when she was sure Tommy definitely wasn’t looking.

But now she had to be here and enter that damn place. Truth to be told this wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined this day would go, but it was too late to back down now.

“At this hour, she has really nowhere else to be as I know her,” Tommy stated and exhaled deeply as he looked at his watches. “I suggest we split up. That’s the quickest way to find her. Just be careful, okay? Both of you, because you never know what kind of people you meet in places like this.”

“Didn’t you use to go to such clubs too?” Sara questioned, lifting one of her eyebrows and letting the corners of her mouth quirk to form a slight smirk.

“Exactly,” Tommy admitted with a stoic expression on his face and headed towards the entrance door. “Good luck.”

After that Sara took a deep breath and followed him right after.

“Let’s get this over with,” she murmured and disappeared from Barry’s sight. He was the last one to enter that black hole and he regretted it instantly as a loud music and colorful lights, which could only cause him a headache, consumed him. The fact he couldn’t hear even his own thoughts annoyed him deeply and the barely breathable air in the whole building was also getting on his nerves in great measures. He felt so horrible that escaping that hell right away seemed to be too tempting, but even the smell of alcohol mixed with puke and cigarettes couldn’t cause his brain to completely shut off. He still remembered his goal, which was why he couldn’t leave no matter how much he wanted to.

Even though they were three people looking for just one person, Barry wasn’t so gullible to believe that it would be easy. Because the number of people around them was just too high for his liking. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack and considering Barry hated every second he got to spend there, his patience in that moment was nothing to be proud of.

So after many times he’d let his hopes get up that he’d finally found her, he felt annoyed beyond measures when only failure had struck him. Not even a thought of Oliver could save him from cursing and swearing on his horrible situation. And so after a few more minutes he decided to take a break. He was in a nightclub after all.

Barry had never been much of a fan of shots, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t already been trying things he’d never dared to do before. And considering the headache ruling over his mind was far stronger than he was able to handle peacefully, he really didn’t see any harm in it, when hardly something could make him feel worse now. And so he headed towards the nearest bar and ordered right away and as he was sitting there, fiddling with the glass of liquor in his hands, he couldn’t help but wonder whether Sara or Tommy were luckier with their search. Tommy seemed really nice and Barry was glad that Sara had someone close to her in Starling. With her grief list, a good friend was something which would always be welcome. But every time his mind drifted away to Tommy, Barry couldn’t help but get even more confused. For some reason that name, Merlyn, sounded just too familiar to his ears and yet he still couldn’t figure out where he’d heard it. And it didn’t matter how hard he was trying to remember, his brain was never willing to cooperate with him on its own.

“You seem kind of sad with that brooding face of yours,” an unknown voice spoke right next to him. “Did someone ditch you today?” Barry instantly looked in the direction from where the voice was coming and saw a figure sitting down right next to him. By the sound of it, he could hear it was a girl around his age probably. But the lack of light in that place was the main reason why he couldn’t see her face clearly no matter what.

“That’s your theory? That people come here brooding only when they were ditched?” Barry questioned loudly so she would hear him through all that noise in the background. After that he could swear that he heard her giggle a little and saw her tilting her head closer to his own so he would hear her better.

“Don’t tell me that someone as handsome as you don’t have anyone waiting for you somewhere out there,” the girl pointed out teasingly and Barry had to fight a strong urge to not scoff at her words. Was she trying to flirt with him? If so then she wasn’t doing a very good job. Not that Barry would know anyway, because he wasn’t good in those things either but still, this whole situation just seemed ridiculous to him.

“And since when is that your business?” Barry wondered and continued to fiddle with an empty glass in his hand.

“You know, I am a nice person and so leaving you here so sad just doesn’t seem right to me. You need someone to cheer you up a bit,” she slurred, which was the right time for Barry to return back to reality and start being worried. And the fact her breath full of alcohol was the only source of air he had in that time wasn’t helping him either. Maybe this little distraction was not so innocent after all and Barry needed to find a way how to wave her off even though he had no idea how just yet.

“So what do you say we have some fun together?” the girl spoke up again in attempt to coo her voice the best way possible, but it made Barry feel even sicker about it all. And as she moved forward to tickle his ear by her nose, he really couldn’t take it anymore. He immediately stood up from his chair and took a few steps back to make sure some distance was between them.

“Stop, okay? I’m flattered, I really am, but please, just leave me alone,” Barry tried with a pleading voice, because he had no idea how to talk with people like this, who were definitely out of their senses.

“Come on, Pretty Boy, don’t be such a buzzkill. No one needs to know about this. It can be our little secret,” she murmured seductively.

“I have a better idea. We don’t start anything and I won’t have any secret to keep,” Barry protested and spun around to get as far as possible from her reach. But then without any more words, he was stunned as instead of leaving him finally alone, she threw herself on him and wrapped him in a tight and uncomfortable embrace with her hands moving quickly to places he didn’t want her to. But before they could even reach their goal, Barry forced himself to shove her violently away even though she was a girl. Getting assaulted was definitely not on his schedule for today.

“Get off me!” he shouted at her and watched as she made yet another step forward regardless. But before she could get even closer, he could see a figure coming right behind her back to get a hold of her hands. And as the man dragged her away, Barry could feel a hand on his own too as he was tugged into the same direction. Fortunately for him, Sara was the one guiding him through the crowd of people and so there was no reason for him to worry anymore. But this feeling of relief completely left him as soon as he found himself in front of the Verdant with Sara, Tommy and the girl which had tried to assault him. And stopping his eyes from going wide never felt harder.

“You really are unbeatable in making the perfect first impression,” Tommy pointed out as he was holding her elbow tightly, unwilling to let go.

“And the only thing you do is keeping me from working! Don’t you have something better to do?” the girl growled at him and tried to slip through his grasp, but failing. Tommy immediately gripped her arm even more tightly and spun her around so she would face him properly.

“I didn’t hand over this club to you just to see you getting drunk whenever you see fit,” Tommy hissed at her seriously, keeping his eyes still at her.

“And since when do you care? Because the last time I checked, you were concerned just about your work and nothing more.”

“You know perfectly well that is not true, but we can’t argue about this now, because there is someone who wants to talk to you about something,” Tommy claimed strictly and tugged her closer to Sara and Barry.

“Sara, Barry, meet my charming foster sister, Thea Queen. Although I’m sure you already had the honor of meeting her, haven’t you, Barry?”

“From a very close perspective,” Barry nodded and blushed at the vivid memory still ruling over his mind, which caused him uncomfortable goosebumps. At the sight of his blushing cheeks, Sara couldn’t help but giggle and Barry had to fight a strong urge to not glare at her.

“What could they possibly want from me?” Thea questioned, shooting Tommy an unimpressed look.

“You will be surprised, because there is someone we all have in common,” Tommy replied and watched as the annoyed frown on her face faded out little by little until it was completely gone. And as she lowered her head, he slowly let go of her arm. He wanted her to stay here on her own, not because he wanted her to.

Thea really didn’t need any more words to be said. She knew exactly what this was all about. And right in that moment, she wished nothing more than just an ability to disappear without leaving any trace behind her. But even her hair couldn’t help her with this anymore. When she’d been younger, she’d used to have long hair which had come in handy when she’d needed to hide from the outside world. But now with much shorter hair, even something like that wasn’t possible anymore. She was there for all three of them to see and yet she couldn’t reciprocate any look they were dedicating her. She felt weak, unbalanced and unsteady like all that was needed was just one little push and she would fall right away without the ability to get up ever again. And she didn’t want to fall, when she could clearly remember how much it always hurt.

She opened her mouth in an attempt to say something, but only gasped in the end. Finding words was still difficult for her even after all this time. After so many times she’d had to face random people claiming they’d known her brother, one would think she’d gotten used it a long time ago, but quite the opposite was in fact true. And even after all this time one mere thought about her brother was enough to cause her whole world to shatter and the tears to start grouping in her green eyes. And yet she knew she needed to stay strong, because she was sick of crying and mourning. She was sick of blaming herself when she’d done nothing wrong. And the only way how to prevent her body from collapsing was use that rage which was rapidly boiling inside her.

“A pity, because I’m not really in the mood to talk right now,” Thea growled at them after she took a deep breath and marched away from them.

“You haven’t even given us any chance to start yet,” Sara pointed out and followed her right away with both boys by her side.

“There is no need to start anything, because the only thing I want from you is to leave me the fuck alone,” Thea hissed at them as she stopped her legs from moving and spun around to face them. And when she noticed the stunned expressions on Barry and Sara’s faces she couldn’t help but scoff at it.

“Did you really think that you would find me and I would fall into your arms, saying countless thank-you’s and squeezing you so hard you would lose all your breath? How pathetic, isn’t it?” she mocked scathingly and crossed arms over her chest. “You are not the first people who came to me and Tommy with those exact same words. That they knew Oliver Queen and could take me to him. And every time they did that, I let myself get my hopes up. They tricked me, lied to me and pulled my leg more times than I can count. You have no idea how much it hurt me. So why can’t you just leave alone? I’ve learned billions of stories of how my brother led his life after we’d separated. None of them were true and I’m sick of all those lies. Why should I believe that you have something better to say to me?”

“Because unlike all those people we actually know the truth. The things we have to say are not stories, but facts,” Sara claimed confidently, crossing arms over her chest.

“Yeah right, your words are definitely convincing,” Thea scoffed and glared at the blonde in front of her.

“Thea, stop this and just listen for a minute,” Tommy commanded as he ran a hand down his face with a clear frustration.

“No, you listen to me, Tommy!” Thea burst out and spun around to face him, shoving her finger to his muscular chest. “How can you possibly believe them? They are no different from all those people we’ve met before. Didn’t we suffer enough? Haven’t you already learned from our mistakes?”

“They are different! I trust them,” Tommy claimed firmly with a sincerity in his eyes. Yet Thea still refused to back down.

“Then you are even more stupid than I thought,” she said judgmentally, lowering her head and leaving them once again. However, one mere thought came to Barry’s mind in the last chance, which could turn the direction of this conversation to his favor. Because he knew things, which were still unrevealed to others.

“He used to call you Speedy, didn’t he?” he exclaimed loudly for her to hear and as soon as his eyes spotted her legs unmoving, a little light of hope appeared in front of him. And right in that moment he couldn’t be happier that Oliver had shared such information with him before. Because now he could see that this was the key to her soul, it was the key to break her stubbornness.

“Back then when you were still kids, he barely called you Thea. Because you were always faster than him. In everything. You could beat him in any game you were playing. And even with your age difference, you were faster in growing up too while he was staying behind. But the thing he envied you the most was how quickly you could earn someone’s trust and affection, because that was something he could never learn from you,” Barry explained with a warm smile playing on his lips, while his mind drifted back to that night when Oliver and he had been just lying in their bed and talking without any desire to go to sleep. And how Barry had just listened willingly to every word Oliver had had to say. And while even more stories of Oliver’s childhood had been flowing from his boyfriend’s mouth, Barry had cherished every little word, every little chuckle or whimper which those memories had caused to his lover while saying them. Because even with all that pain and damage those memories had done, Oliver had still been able to overcome it in the end and share something precious to him with Barry. And the feeling of never-ending warmth hadn’t ceased. Even now it was still within him, illuminating him so greatly, that smiling was the most natural thing for him.

Barry ignored the stunned looks Tommy and Sara were dedicating him. His eyes were firmly aimed at Thea, who slowly turned around and looked at him with a clear denial. Her glittering eyes proved that she was fighting her tears with all her strength, but was reaching the end of it very soon. And yet she still didn’t let any softness reach her features. She still didn’t allow her mind to believe any of this.

“Very touching. Did Oliver tell you that? Or was it really problematic to come up with this on your own? Even Tommy tends to call me Speedy from time to time, so you can keep trying, but in the end, it will always have the same result,” Thea growled and came closer to him to show she wasn’t weak. Even though it was only a sham in her eyes, because secretly, her head mercilessly ached and keeping her trembling legs from falling was getting to be much worse by flowing seconds.

Barry looked at those green eyes before him. A thought of giving up crossed his mind, but he knew that if he’d done it, it would be his biggest failure of all time. And so he made his last attempt to search through his mind for any kind of help. And when he was already at the edge of hope, one single memory found its way to him, reassuring him that if this one wasn’t going to convince Thea, no other could.

“I can’t leave this be,” he claimed confidently as he looked right into her green eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve lost people too and it pains me still. I was like you, distanced and closed off. Then I met Oliver. And now it doesn’t matter where I am or how much I suffer. As long as he is with me I know that I’m going to be okay,” Barry said with all sincerity he could find within himself, because he truly believed it with all within him. And how could he not to when all it took was just one mere look or slight touch or that heartwarming smile from his lover to make him feel instantly better. It was like a magic in Barry’s eyes, because it didn’t matter what was going on in Barry’s mind or what was troubling his heart, Oliver’s presence was a powerful cure, which could make it all fade out without even trying so hard. Because only with Oliver by his side, forgetting his problems seemed that easy. And the more time they’d spent with each other, the more confident he felt about his feelings towards his lover.

As Barry’s mind returned to reality once again, he was nicely surprised to see that Thea didn’t move from the place right in front of him. She stood still, but she was no longer looking right into his eyes but to the unknown. Her face was no longer tough and tense, but soft and fragile. And before she could stop it, a single teardrop escaped from her control and streamed down her red cheek.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t say a word either, because she was trapped. She’d forced herself to lose all hope that she would see her brother ever again because of all the lies people had given her. Yet now she was standing here before Barry and all that rage she’d held inside was suddenly gone like it had never been there, leaving only hollow place behind. No one had ever been supposed to know those words, no one had ever heard them from her mouth. Only one person had. And only this one person could’ve said it to someone else.

Thea looked at Barry once again. _Could it really be true?_ She had no idea and even though she wanted to ask countless questions, the fear washed over her was holding her back and it was hard to fight it now with everything she’d heard tonight and with the alcohol streaming in her blood. And all those memories appearing in her mind like shuffled pictures were exacerbating her situation even more. She couldn’t take it anymore. It was just too much. And so before she could do anything to stop it, her knees had finally given up all their remaining strength and became limp. She’d lost her balance completely and almost fell to the ground, but Barry managed to catch her in time. So maybe his reflexes weren’t so horrible after all.

Tommy immediately ran to her to prop her, but she was far weaker than he would like to admit. So he lifted her gently off the ground and let her wrap her arms around his neck for support.

“I’m sorry, Barry, but I don’t think she can handle it anymore,” he pointed out sadly, because he knew that it was only her fault she felt so horrible now. Without that alcohol in her system, everything could have been so much easier.

“That’s okay. We’ll have time to talk tomorrow, won’t we?” Barry asked with his hopes getting up.

“Count on it. And this time I’ll make sure she will be sober,” Tommy assured and smirked at them. Both Sara and Barry dedicated him amused smiles and said their goodbyes. After that, it was time to get some rest finally. 

* * *

 

The way home was quiet. It wasn’t like they were scared to break that silence. They just didn’t have the need to say a single thing. Their minds were so replete with thoughts, that breaking them and returning to reality seemed impossible. But who could blame them after what they had just experienced?

Barry still couldn’t shake off the shock of his first meeting with Thea Queen. Since he’d decided to go meet her, he’d spent minutes, hours even, imagining what she could possibly be like. The way she might look and act. Oliver had talked about her a lot, but everything he knew had applied many years ago and now things were… different and much more complicated than anyone would like them.

This was definitely not how Barry had imagined their first meeting would go. It still felt weird to let the thoughts of Thea launching herself at him enter his mind and convincing himself to forget them felt even harder, but it was like Tommy had said. Thea Queen was definitely capable of making the perfect first impression, just like her brother. And when Barry realized this, it cast a smile across his face. Because now it was clear, that it was foolish of him to think that talking with Thea would be so easy. She was Oliver’s sister after all. She’d come through the same trauma as he had and when she hadn’t had anyone else than her brother with her, he’d eventually turned her back on her as well. With reasons, but still. If that hadn’t left any impact on her, Barry wasn’t sure what would. She was broken and Barry understood it, because he’d been exactly the same before. And then he’d met Oliver and everything had changed. Thea apparently wasn’t so lucky and hadn’t found someone who would guide her on the right path. She had Tommy, sure, but sometimes only one particular person could really make it all better. And if she really didn’t have anyone like that, Barry knew that he was even more determined to convince her to come with him.

After that, it didn’t take long until Barry found himself standing in Sara’s apartment, which caused him even more nostalgic things to feel. Because it reminded him of his own apartment which he’d used to call home before he’d moved in with Oliver. Sometimes it really felt like a whole eternity had passed since he and Oliver had met. And the more time was passing, the vaguer his past seemed to him. It felt like memories of his days when everything had been worse were slowly slipping through his fingers without him even realizing at all. Because he had no reason to think about them or dwell in that past anymore, when he was unthinkably happy. But now without Oliver by his side and Thea being his main focus right now, he couldn’t help and let his mind fly over to those times once more. And the results were all the same. It still fucking hurt.

“I have a spare room prepared for you,” Sara announced, breaking him from his trance and pointing towards one door. “Can I rely on you that you won’t sneak out and run away once I fall asleep?”

“I think I’ll take my chances with you, Detective,” Barry replied and dedicated her a small smile, which was a new thing for Sara to see. She’d seen Barry smiling before, but not when it had come to her. And with how today had started, she’d lost hope that one day that would change. For other people that smile would be a proof that it was possible now more than ever, but Sara was different. And relying on something so naïve always seemed like her last choice.

“Good to know,” she replied, returning him that same kind smile and then headed towards her own bedroom. But before she could escape completely from Barry’s sight, one mere thought managed to enter his mind and remind him that this wasn’t how he wanted this day to end or how he wanted them to end. He needed to say something at first even though he was scared beyond imagination. He just knew that his brain could push him to do it as much as hold him back from it. And now it was time to choose the right path.

“I’m sorry,” he exclaimed loudly before Sara entered her bedroom. She immediately froze in her movement, trying to figure out whether she’d heard it right or not. And although she knew that nothing was wrong with her hearing, she couldn’t comprehend why Barry was suddenly apologizing to her. And in the end, her mighty curiousness won over everything else and forced her to slowly turn around with her face completely blank.

“For what?” she asked as she took a few steps forward towards him, dedicating him a completely confused look.

“For today and for the way I acted. And for everything I’ve said to you since you came back to Central City,” Barry replied sincerely, fiddling with his fingers nervously, not daring to let his eyes wander off to something else than her own. Yet Sara stayed silent and alone with her cluelessness. Why was Barry apologizing to her now? What could have possibly changed since the last time they’d spoken?

“The truth is that when you returned to Central, I hated you. I loathed you because of what you’d put Oliver through. Caused him to break down completely that he’d almost-“ Barry tried, but found it really difficult to finish. Instead of that he just lowered his head for a slight second and with another deep breath returned it to the previous position. “I wanted you to understand what you’d done. I wanted you to understand how the consequences of your departure hadn’t stopped bothering me. I thought that you’d just recklessly left without any reason that would be good enough. And the fact you’d chosen to return to Central the day me and Oliver had gotten together wasn’t helping anything either. So I just recklessly hated you, because in that time it seemed right to me.”

Talking hadn’t felt more difficult in a long time and this fact cast an amused smile across Barry’s face, but he shook it off as he ran a hand down his face with a clear frustration. _Come on, Barry, you can totally do this,_ Barry tried to encourage himself secretly. _Remember that this can be hardly more difficult than admitting your feelings to Oliver._

“I was jealous and stupid and because of that it didn’t occur to me that maybe you’d had some valid reasons to leave. And I’m sorry for that,” he finished quickly and closed his eyes afterwards, inwardly cursing on how difficult this in fact was. Then he looked at Sara’s stoic expression and felt even more frustrated. She was just like Oliver – completely at peace with sharing no emotions whatsoever because of… reasons. And Barry hated it. _How the hell am I supposed to read something from this?_

“Tommy told me about what happened with your mother. I get it now,” Barry continued and pointed towards his chest with his palm. “And now I can finally say what I should’ve said a long time ago – I’m sorry, Sara, I really am for what happened to you. I didn’t know and that is why I was behaving like a jerk before, but now I understand that making that kind of choice you’d had to make couldn’t have been easy. I saw how my mother died when I was just eleven years old. And I know it probably feels different for you than it feels for me, because you still had a chance to grow up with her.” At this point, it was really hard for Barry to hold back his tears. He started blinking quickly just to prevent them from showing themselves to the blonde before him. But it was ironic really, because every time he’d tried to cover his eyes and keep the tears held up, the results had been all the same – they’d started dripping down even more and this was no different.

_She had a chance to see her smile every day of her life. She had a chance to be lectured when she’d secretly sneaked out of the house and had gone to a party. Her mother could actually see her graduating…_

And all those thoughts made it even harder for Barry to hold back from crying, because this was something which was strongly attached to everyone who had had the privilege to grow up with their parents happily. Barry didn’t have any of those memories and every time a thought of this had come to his mind, his whole world felt like it was rapidly collapsing.

But now he could see things differently. It still hurt that he couldn’t have any of those memories, which would illuminate him every time the darkness was swallowing him. But he knew one thing for sure – he wasn’t alone in this world. Somewhere out there were people who were more precious to him than anything else. Maybe Joe wasn’t his biological father, but he and Iris created the family Barry so desperately needed. As did Oliver. And without them guiding him, his life could’ve turned out unthinkably worse. And all those memories, which those people had been and still were creating for him, were enough to replace the ones which were missing. In the end, this one thought was the only thing, which could soothe his flickering eyes and suddenly, all the tears were gone, because they were no longer needed.

“My point is that,” he started once again after he’d returned back to reality and taken another deep breath, “I should’ve tried to see the bigger picture. If I had to face this kind of decision, I wouldn’t find the strength to handle it. Which is why I forgive you that you left back then. Can you forgive me as well?” After that Barry took all the remaining courage that was left in him and raised his head to meet Sara’s eyes. And as the penetrating shade of blue absorbed him and tortured him with the never-ending silence ruling over them, he couldn’t stop shaking. He actually started repeating everything he’d said to her now and hated himself for every used word. _Definitely the worst apology ever_ , he mocked secretly and waited as his anxiety even more escalated.

The silence was killing him. He wanted to leave and forget about it, even though it was clear that something like this would stay in his mind forever. Like every embarrassing thing he’d ever done.

But then suddenly, out of nowhere, Sara’s cold look faded and was replaced by a beautiful, warm smile, which was worth thousands of words. Because the sincerity of it was the perfect proof that his mistakes were forgiven and no grudge was held against him. Sara had accepted his apology and eased his pressured heart. And Barry knew all of this without hearing even a single word from Sara. That smile was enough to make all his worries and blames disappear.

“You know, it seems to me that you weren’t much of a fan of me even before I left Central,” Sara pointed out after a few more moments, lifting one of her eyebrows and shooting him a wicked smirk. And although Barry was shocked by the sudden change of their conversation, he didn’t dare to be against it.

“I didn’t like the fact that Oliver didn’t like me and was your boyfriend, that’s all.”

“Were you jealous? Don’t tell me you fell for him the day you two met,” Sara teased, letting the smirk on her face even widen.

“I definitely wasn’t jealous, okay? I barely knew him back then,” Barry argued, throwing his hands around as his blushing level was rapidly increasing. Which became only worse when Sara shot him an unimpressed stare.

“All I thought about him that day was that he was a jerk and that he was hot. But come on! Don’t look at me as it is a bad thing to think that. I’m definitely not the only one who thinks that,” Barry growled and rolled his eyes at her.

“True,” Sara nodded and winked at him shamelessly which caused Barry to run a hand down his face. “It takes a lot of effort to look like him. That’s actually why he barely goes to places like Big Belly Burger for example. He claims that it’s not his kind of food, but you’ve gotta know that’s just bullshit. He secretly loves it and knows that it’s tempting for him so he avoids it.” And this caused Barry to giggle, because it was hilariously accurate. Every time Barry had tried to convince Oliver to come with him to Big Belly Burger, the blond had come up with some ridiculous excuse, which had only annoyed Barry but in the end, he’d found it cute. Because Barry couldn’t be mad at him that he was trying to be careful with his figure. Quite the opposite was true, because every picture of Oliver’s bare body was enough to send a shiver through Barry’s spine.

“Are we seriously talking about how hot he is?” Barry questioned, wonderstruck by how he’d been awkwardly apologizing to her before and now they were here.

“Why not? Who can know it better than his ex-girlfriend and current boyfriend? Oh wait, I just remembered you two have just recently returned to the friendly-status, haven’t you?” Sara teased with a devilish smirk, crossing arms over her chest.

“Shut up,” Barry growled but broke into a slight chuckle afterwards, which Sara found really amusing. “I just panicked, okay? Not everyone needs to know about my love life anyway. And you weren’t so direct either. You just said that you’d been close, but that could mean anything.”

“Maybe, but remember that Tommy is a police detective. He solves crimes like murders, robberies and such every day. Which is why he definitely saw through your lie.”

“Speaking of Tommy, you and him…?” Barry changed the subject smartly with a smug smile on his face as he tilted his head to one side.

“There is no me and him. We’re just friends.”

“Huh, I think that the term ‘just friends’ means a completely different thing in my dictionary now than it means in yours,” Barry teased and Sara just glared at him.

“Shut up, Barry,” Sara protested and chuckled slightly. “He doesn’t even see me that way. He likes my sister Laurel. He never told me, but I can tell.” And Barry just smirked at the ground at those words. _I wouldn’t be so sure about it._

“If you think so.”

“I know so,” Sara glared at him. “And besides you should rather do your best so Oliver wouldn’t find out about your friendly status.”

“More things happened today which he shouldn’t know about,” Barry pointed out and ran a hand through his hair as the memories once again hit him.

“I can’t believe she really wanted to try it on you,” Sara claimed through laughter.

“Tell me about it. I barely can get it out of my head. But for the love of god, don’t tell Oliver, because I don’t actually know if he would hurt me or her after finding out. And I don’t really want to know.”

“Now that’s a mystery for sure, but don’t worry. I would hate to see you die now when we called it a truce between us,” Sara remarked and winked at him afterwards. Then she stood up and came closer to her bag to look for something. It didn’t take her long until she found it and came back to now standing Barry as well.

“Which reminds me, that I should probably return this to you,” she smiled and handed him back his phone. “Now we are good, right?”

“We are good,” Barry nodded and offered her a kind smile. After that Sara spun around and headed towards her bedroom to finally go to sleep. But before she left completely, she stopped her feet from moving and offered him her last glance.

“You should call your _friend_ by the way. He was asking for you and I wouldn’t keep him waiting much longer if I were you.”

“It’s too late anyway. He is probably sleeping,” Barry protested sadly.

“Wanna bet on it?” Sara questioned and winked at him. After that she finally opened the door of her bedroom and disappeared from Barry’s sight. And the brunet stayed alone, fiddling with the phone in his sweaty hands. He instinctively searched for Oliver’s number, but stopped himself right before dialing it. The chance of him already sleeping was smaller than anything Barry had ever experienced. And how this day had proved multiple times that he missed his boyfriend dearly, so fighting the urge to dial the number was doomed right from the beginning. 

* * *

 

“I could help you if you asked. I suspect that you always forget that,” Gideon offered as Oliver was nervously pacing back and forth around his lab, trying to come up with the best speech possible but failing miserably. The right words always refused to strike his mind for some reason.

“And I suspect that you always forget that my memory and your memory are pretty much the same thing,” Oliver growled and rubbed the back of his head.

“Then let me help. That’s what I was designed for after all, isn’t it?”

“Unfortunately, there are things which even you can’t fix Gideon.”

“Could Barry help?” Gideon asked timidly, which immediately stopped Oliver from moving.

“I don’t know and he isn’t here to tell me anyway, is he?” Oliver spat out at her angrily, which caused Gideon’s virtual mouth to close. However, as soon as he realized what he’d just said, he sat down on the chair near him, leaning his elbows on his knees while massaging his temples with even more frustrations appearing in his head.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” Oliver sighed brokenly and then lifted his head afterwards. “I’m just tired, that’s all. And I appreciate you want to help me, but this is something I need to do on my own, so please let me.” After that Gideon’s hologram dedicated him a disapproving look, but without saying anything else, she disappeared and logged out, leaving him completely alone. But before Oliver could even catch his breath, someone else decided to keep him from diving into his thoughts once again.

“See? I told you that looking for him is one of the easiest thing in this world, because even with his _perfect_ brain he loves so much, he is way too predictable,” Cisco pointed out as soon as he, Caitlin and Harry entered the lab and appeared in Oliver’s sight.

“For your information, my hearing is also in a good condition,” Oliver snorted and raised his chest and head to look at them.

“How could I forget? I was just checking, dude,” Cisco replied with a smile, holding his hands up in a surrender.

“How are you holding up?” Caitlin asked softly as the three of them came closer to the blond.

“I’m fine. I just… never thought I would find something so difficult,” Oliver sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he remained seated on the chair.

“So the world can finally collapse when the mighty Oliver Queen finally found something difficult?” Cisco questioned with a smirk and raised his eyebrows.

“How is it possible that you always know what to say at the right moment?” Oliver teased sarcastically and frowned at the brunet before him.

“Okay, look, you’re gonna be fine,” Cisco claimed confidently and placed his hand on Oliver’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. “I’m 80% sure of it.”

“Okay,” Oliver replied, because that was still something and he appreciated all the support he could get.

“76,” Cisco suddenly stated with his confidence rapidly vanishing, letting go of Oliver’s shoulder. And as he started waving around with his hands, the small amount of self-confidence which had been inside Oliver, was quickly ceasing to exist. And when Cisco spoke up once again, it made Oliver feel even worse.

“Like, a strong 72. I can’t stop. Caitlin, help,” Cisco begged with small inches of embarrassment written all over his features.

“If you don’t feel ready, you probably shouldn’t do it,” Caitlin suggested carefully, trying to reassure him that no one wanted to put him into that much pressure and if he really wanted to back down from it, there was nothing wrong with it. Although Oliver got the message, Cisco didn’t.

“Not helpful,” Cisco protested and glared at her disapprovingly.

“Like you are any better, Cisco,” Harry snorted and rolled his eyes, but when it came to Oliver, the whole situation caused him to smile even though his anxiety was still torturing him mercilessly.

“My point is that whatever happens, we’re with you, man,” Cisco sustained and offered the blond before him an encouraging smile along with Caitlin who reciprocated it instantly.

“Thanks. Both of you,” Oliver replied, returned that kind smile and watched them leave the lab without saying anything else. Only Harry remained there with him.

“You do realize that six months ago you would probably just glare at them and say something arrogant after hearing this?” Harry questioned, lifting one of his eyebrows and cocking his head slightly to one side.

“Oh, don’t worry. Arrogant remarks and death glares are still the luxury you can afford,” Oliver assured and smirked at the man before him.

“One day, I’m gonna knock that smug expression clean off your face,” Harry threatened playfully, which caused Oliver to chuckle slightly.

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Oliver reassured the older man but lowered his head afterwards. “It seems to me though, that you’ll succeed sooner than any of us would like.” Harry stayed silent and watched as his foster son came closer to a stand where Gideon’s finished body was placed. Without any hesitation, he followed him and stopped to stand right next to him with his eyes aimed at the creation before them.

“I just don’t get it, Harry,” Oliver spoke once again after a small moment of silence and crossed his arms over his chest. “Every invention that we created together was eventually presented to the public by you. Even when I did something on my own, you told people about it and not me. Because we both knew how it would look like if I’d taken over. So why do you believe that it’s gonna be different now? When whole Central sees me as the bad guy and I see myself as one too? I can’t go on that stage and behave like everything is normal when it clearly isn’t. So tell me… Why? Why choose me after all this time?”

Oliver’s head immediately break the gaze on the platform before him and aimed at the man next to him. Harry refused to face him though, he just prolonged the same position with his head lowered, facing the ground and his arms crossed over his chest. And although bearing this never-ending silence seemed excruciating for Oliver, he still remained quiet and awaited Harry’s response.

“I remember the day you were going to see your first science fair,” Harry claimed with a nostalgic smile. “I’d actually tried to convince you to take part in it so many times, but you never listened and I couldn’t understand why. With your brain and all your traits, I thought that you would want to try something like this for real.” After that Harry, suddenly, spun around to face his foster son properly. And when he looked into those absorptive blue eyes before him, he couldn’t help but run a hand through his hair, because after all this time, talking with Oliver still sometimes felt difficult.

“There was this one boy who was so scared that when it was time to for him to present his project, he just froze and couldn’t find any word to say.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Oliver nodded and sighed at the memory coming to his mind.

“You don’t need an eidetic memory to remember that day to be honest. You did a few things which are pretty hard to forget.”

“It wasn’t anything special,” Oliver snorted and shook his head.

“Really? Then I guess you probably don’t remember that day so well, because for all I know you did something no one else was brave enough to do. When you saw that boy standing there with his legs shivering, you just couldn’t leave it like that. You always claim that what happened to you in that orphanage changed you in so many ways and made you a bad person, but I don’t think that a bad person would ever be able to do what you did back then,” Harry emphasized and shoved his finger towards Oliver’s chest gently.

“You came right to that boy and dedicated a mere look to his project and started talking. You had no idea what that project was about before. Everything you knew, you deduced by that single look. And yes, you made mistakes, some of your words didn’t even make any sense, but you didn’t care. You just stayed there and talked and talked for as long as it was needed. And when you were finished, you received the biggest applause of the day. And you saved that boy from a total embarrassment. No one had asked you to do something, but you did it anyway. And do you know what happened after that?”

“We came home and I asked you whether I could take part in it the next year,” Oliver replied with a small smile decorating his face, which Harry gladly reciprocated. Because he remembered how much that day had imprinted to his mind. He would never dare to forget the look on Oliver’s face when he’d stepped up and taken over the presentation. So full of hopes and so naïve. Back then, Harry could only dream about seeing the blond like that.

And although his foster son had said so many things which would normally make him laugh, no one had laughed that day. The only thing Harry had been able to do back then was just keep smiling proudly at a fourteen-year-old boy who had been trying so hard to save the situation. And he really had. That was without a question. With that one simple choice, he’d affected multiple people. And not just because he’d chosen to save that boy, but because he’d done what no one else had had the courage to do. He’d gone against the grain.

“The truth is, Oliver, that whenever you do something with science, you can’t screw up no matter what. It doesn’t matter how little you know about the topic, you always seem to find the right way how to accomplish what you want. It’s those other things, which you suck at,” Harry pointed out and smiled when his statement caused Oliver to chuckle silently.

“I want you to know that I had my reasons for entrusting you with this task. And the biggest one of them all is this. I know what you are capable of Oliver. I know that you are so smart and clever that with time you can solve anything. And this city knows this too. They know that when it comes to science, nothing can hold you back. But there are other things which make you struggle like fear, for example. One of your worst fears is a fear of failure and therefore when you are not sure about something, you simply don’t do it without feeling bad about it.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Oliver growled at him, crossing arms over his chest.

“More than you think, actually. Back then anyone could’ve stepped up and helped that boy. But in the end, you were the one who chose to save him from that embarrassment. Not because of any reward or any debt. You did it, because it seemed right to you so much that you were willing to go against the grain. You’d been scared to take part in any science fair, because you’d thought people would just laugh at you. You were afraid of talking in front of them. That is why you couldn’t take part in it no matter how hard you wanted to. And the strange thing is that right in that moment when the boy was supposed to say something, this fear stopped meaning anything for you. Because that need to help him was stronger than your fear of those people. And that’s why you decided to step up. You did something no one else was brave enough to do. You went against the grain and thanks to that you finally found the courage to take part in the next science fair and the next one and the one after that. And eventually you’ve become who you are now.”

Oliver just frowned at those words, because for him, it wasn’t so easy to believe he was a good person. He remembered every good thing he’d done with a perfect detail, but at the same time, he remembered every bad thing as well. All those times when the right decisions had seemed wrong and the wrong decisions seemed right were strongly attached to him, not willing to let go that easily. It caused his self-confidence, which was already small enough, to shrink every time his mind drifted away to those times. And getting it back and teaching it how to grow always seemed much harder for him. So why should this particular memory from his past help him with this, when he felt so much astray?

“And you may not believe it,” Harry spoke up once again when he noticed the torn look on Oliver’s face. “but people around you love you even with all your mistakes and disadvantages. They believe in you, because they know you can do anything you desire. And it’s really something, because those six months ago, you were on a completely different place. And then Barry stepped into your life and you managed to let Cisco and Caitlin step in as well. Which was yet another thing that was done against the grain. And that’s why I asked you of all people to do this. Because no one knows Gideon better than you and no one deserves this more than you. I know it’s fine to do things you are comfortable with and which don’t scare you, but sometimes it’s good to take that risk and do something you would never do. Believe it or not, it moves you forward and in the end, it’s really worth it.”

“How can you be so sure? What if it doesn’t always change things for better? What if it’s just a trap, wanting you to get your hopes up and then destroying you even more?” Oliver argued and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sure, because I remember when was the last time you went against the grain,” Harry pointed out with a small smile and looked right into Oliver’s blue eyes. “The day you admitted to Barry you were in love with him.” And after hearing this, Oliver tried to repeat those words over and over again to find some kind of hint that Harry was lying. But it was all useless, because the man in front of him meant every single word and everything behind it. Which caused Oliver’s mind to immediately flitter towards the thought of Barry smiling at him in his most beautiful ways. And for some reason, it was enough to set peace in his measureless mind. It was enough to soothe his worries and restore the light inside him. And it proved that no matter how much he was refusing to have some faith in himself, there were people who truthfully believed in him. And Harry was right. The number of those people had increased greatly, because he’d chosen differently. Although he’d struggled with it at the beginning, now he was here and finally for a change, he liked where he stood.

However, before he could say something to Harry, his phone buzzed and completely shook his thoughts when he saw who was calling him. Harry noticed too and offered him his last smile.

“I wouldn’t keep him waiting if I were you. I remember he has tendencies to get suspicious easily,” Harry teased and without saying anything else headed towards the exit, leaving Oliver completely alone. And after a few more seconds of his phone buzzing and him trying to shake off his previous thoughts, Oliver took a deep breath and pressed the phone to his ear.

“Barry,” he spoke up timidly after a slight moment of silence, because he couldn’t be sure whether it was finally Barry calling him or Sara.

“How did you know it was me?” Barry asked with a smile on his face. He was just really glad he could hear the voice of his boyfriend once again finally. This separation was just getting on his nerves.

“I didn’t. I just hoped,” Oliver admitted timidly, which cast a sheepish smile across Barry’s face. However, it quickly faded out when Barry realized how different Oliver’s voice sounded to him. So tired and sad and mostly… just scared.

“Sara said you’d called earlier. Is everything okay?” Barry asked worriedly even though he was one hundred percent sure about the answer. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“You are six hundred miles away from your home, in a completely unknown city with only Sara to guide you, who you hate if I remember that right,” Oliver scoffed little forcefully, which didn’t escape Barry’s attention, but for now he decided to carry on with Oliver’s game. “How is it possible that you still worry about me when you clearly have it worse now?”

“I still hate you for what you did with Sara by the way,” Barry snorted and let an exasperated sigh escape his mouth. “Because, you know, I could handle everything just fine without her help.”

“For all I know, I could’ve finished Gideon without your help too and I still accepted it, didn’t I?” Oliver teased.

“You are really lucky that I made up with her today, because otherwise, I would really hate you,” Barry claimed playfully, not meaning any of it at all, which caused Oliver to chuckle slightly.

“So it wasn’t so hard with her after all, was it?”

“It wasn’t that bad after I actually realized that she was reminding me of how it had used to work between us before we started being friendly.”

“In that case, don’t you dare to fall in love with her,” Oliver commanded seriously, but Barry could still hear the playful hint in his voice.

“It’s tempting, really, now that I’m with her all the time,” Barry teased with a wicked smirk on his face. “But would you really blame me if I did fall for her? You of all people?”

“Okay, it’s official. Now _I_ hate you,” Oliver growled with annoyance but let his face soften as soon as the sound of Barry’s lovely giggle found its way to his ears. It was so adorable to hear something so familiar again that he couldn’t help but let a warm smile appear on his face, which stayed there even after that moment of mere silence which took over them after that.

“And how was today?” Oliver asked after a few more seconds and Barry could once again hear that tiredness and fear in him. “Did you see… ?”

“Sara introduced me to Tommy Merlyn today. Ring a bell?” Barry questioned after he saw how Oliver was struggling with finishing that sentence. Without hearing that one last word, Barry knew exactly who was on Oliver’s mind in that moment.

“We used to be best friends when we were still kids. I’d guess he left Starling a long time ago, but seems like I was wrong,” Oliver pointed out with a weak smile as his memory flew over to his times with Tommy. And how the dark-haired boy used to dream about exploring the whole world. He’d never wanted to stay in Starling. And every time his family had visited Central and the Queens family there, Tommy’s eyes would light up like he’d just gotten a perfect gift. But then again, they’d been still little and stupid back then with dreams and hopes. Many things had changed since then and therefore it was understandable that Tommy had changed his mind through all these years.

“He is actually a detective in SCPD and Sara’s partner. He was the one who actually told me about how her mother had died,” Barry claimed quickly, which stunned Oliver on the other end and caused him to run a hand through his hair. “You knew this all along, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Oliver admitted sorrowfully as he slowly closed his eyes for a split second.

“I know and I’m not mad or anything, but… I just wish I found out sooner instead of being an idiot about it,” Barry scolded himself, massaging his temple with his left hand.

“Don’t worry, you weren’t that bad. And I’m pretty sure you would be jealous even if you weren’t mad at her,” Oliver pointed out teasingly, which caused Barry to scoff.

“This is how you show your consolation? Why am I even trying?” Barry snorted, faking an annoyed voice, which wasn’t good enough to convince his boyfriend.

“Because you can’t help it. And it’s like you said – you two made up in the end, so no harm done, right?”

“Not yet, but I’ll have plenty of time for causing some once I meet with Thea again,” Barry pointed out and sighed, which didn’t escape Oliver’s attention.

“So you did see her?” Oliver asked and suddenly started to shake uncontrollably. But whether it was excitement or fear speaking inside him, he didn’t know and he had no idea how to find out.

“From a very close perspective,” Barry agreed little timidly, which Oliver couldn’t help but find it weird.

“Do I really want to know more?” he questioned and furrowed his eyebrows of confusion.

“No, you really don’t,” Barry giggled, which confused Oliver even more, but he decided to let it go for now, because something else was bothering his heart.

“What’s she like?” he suddenly asked, breaking just another silence, which had taken over them before.

Although it was a very simple question, Barry remained stunned, because the first words that had come to his mind were not as nice as Oliver would actually like them to be. _Wasted,_ his brain kept telling him and Barry was just doing his best to shake off that thought. But he couldn’t lie either and so in the end he chose to say the uncomplete truth.

“Definitely different than I expected,” he said sincerely and was really relieved when Oliver didn’t ask to know more. Somehow his boyfriend always knew when it was better to leave something completely be and Barry was really grateful for it at that moment.

“Well you can still-“

“Back down? Yes, I’m aware of that. You’ve been saying that to me since I can remember,” Barry snorted, little irritated, which caused Oliver to weakly smile.

“I just want to make sure you are exactly where you want to be. And that it’s okay to let it go. Barry, you know no one is forcing you to do this. I don’t want you to feel pressured by this. I won’t be mad nor disappointed if you decide to back down from this,” Oliver stated reassuringly with as much softness within his voice as he could find.

“I can’t give up, Ollie, and especially not now when I’m so close. I’m here, I already proved to her that I know you and that I’m not someone who just wants to use her for his benefit. So I can’t stop now. It will work. Just… please, trust me,” Barry pleaded and impatiently waited Oliver’s answer.

“Always,” Oliver whispered and closed his eyes slowly as he was trying to hide how unnerving everything was for him. Unfortunately, Barry was very observant, when it came to him and therefore he knew right away that something was wrong and needed to be solved.

“Don’t do this,” Barry spoke up after a slight moment of silence, totally stunning the blond on the other end.

“What?” Oliver inquired with confusion written all over his features.

“This brooding, when you are completely silent and thinking about what’s bothering you and you just keep refusing to say it out loud,” Barry censured, which caused Oliver’s head to lower and Barry could swear he heard an exhale coming from his boyfriend’s mouth. “Tell me what’s wrong, please, Ollie. And don’t say nothing.”

“I just… I miss you and that’s kind of a new thing for me,” Oliver admitted timidly and chuckled slightly at the truth of his words.

“We haven’t been apart even for a day just yet,” Barry pointed out, but secretly thought the exact same thing as his boyfriend did. He’d never thought he would miss someone like this and especially not Oliver, but it was the truth now. And somehow, even though he couldn’t shake off that feeling of cruel solitude, he still felt incredibly happy that he had such a great thing to come back to once this was over – someone so perfect in every possible way even with all his brooding and mistakes.

“So?” Oliver asked with a smile playing on his lips.

“Nothing,” Barry softly murmured, letting the meaning of Oliver’s words illuminate him inside, which was definitely one of the greatest feelings for him. And these days he just craved it whenever he felt like it, which was all the time.

“But I can see something else is bothering you,” he remarked once again with the same seriousness in his voice as before and Oliver just knew that he wasn’t going to run from it this time. “The fact you are still up even though it’s late kind of proves that. You can’t sleep, can you?”

“I was just working. I’ll go home now and sleep, don’t worry,” Oliver replied and rubbed his tired eyes.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Barry protested and rolled his eyes at how stubborn his boyfriend was. “Look, Ollie, I know that you are scared that those nightmares will start haunting you again, but you can’t spend this and the next night brooding and avoiding the sleep just because I’m not there to keep them at bay. Please, you can’t keep destroying yourself like that. You can’t be sure they’ll come back and even if they do, you are much stronger than them. And I promise you won’t lose control, okay? You may not believe it enough, but I do. I believe in you and that you can take whatever the life is going to throw at you. But if you really don’t trust yourself, then trust me instead and at least try for me. Because that is the only way how you can pull through. With trying even after some failures.”

Oliver stayed quiet after those words had been said, repeating them in his measureless mind over and over again. Which resulted in him loathing himself even more. Because he hated how powerless nights made him feel. How, suddenly, loneliness started bothering him every time he let his eyes close. And how even darkness in his bedroom caused him to fear even though he wasn’t scared of it anymore. His nightmares had done this to him. It hadn’t mattered how horrible he’d felt, those nightmares had always managed to make him feel even worse. Until Barry had come along. And now when he was gone even for a moment, Oliver still couldn’t help but worry that they might find their way back to him once again.

But at the same time, he didn’t want his boyfriend to worry. Not now when Barry already had something so heavy on his shoulders. And because of that Oliver decide to let his hopes up one more time and believe that it was going to be different and that he was going to come out of it stronger. Because Barry was worth trying, right? That was something which would never change in Oliver’s mind.

“Okay,” he murmured softly but with all sincerity he could find within himself.

“Promise?” Barry pleaded hopelessly and Oliver couldn’t help but warmly smile at how his boyfriend really cared. It still felt hardly believable to him after all this time.

“I promise,” he whispered, finally silencing Barry’s worries. After that they both decided that it was probably time to hang up and go to sleep finally. But before either of them could make the first move, Barry decided to say his last words.

“I miss you too, by the way,” he softly admitted which cast a warm smile across Oliver’s face, which was just so impossible to shake off in that moment. But Oliver was happy for it. Happier than ever before.

“Bye, Barry,” he cooed in the end, hating the fact he couldn’t see him nor touch him in that moment. But being able to hear his voice was still better than nothing. He actually had learned to cherish even small things after all this time, because it was Barry who had taught him they are the ones that mattered.

“Bye, Ollie,” Barry replied with the same tenderness in his voice and slowly pulled his phone down before him, hanging up in the process. The smile on his face was still there, stronger than ever, refusing to let him come back to reality once again. In his mind, he was still talking with Oliver and could actually see him and touch him. So it took him a few more minutes before he escaped his trance and went to sleep.

And as for Oliver, he really did keep his promise. Right after that call had ended, he took his stuff and left STAR Labs behind. And as he was lying on his bed, covered by his blanket with his thoughts flying over to Barry all the time, it didn’t take him long until the fatigue won over him. And when it did and his eyes finally closed, that was the time when those horrible nightmares returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that you liked this chapter. Please let me know what you think… or don’t, I guess, it’s up to you XD. Thea finally appeared (in the best way possible) and Olivarry scene was also there finally like I promised ;). But poor Ollie is going to suffer without Bar by his side :(. I wish I could change it, but I can’t. So till next time bye :).


	29. Silver Lining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can’t you just please stop following me?” Thea exclaimed loudly as her feet stopped moving in front of Verdant and she spun around to face him.   
> “No, not really,” Barry murmured as his head lowered and he smiled weakly at the ground beneath him. Then he lifted it back up and spoke up loudly: “I mean, I’ve come all this way here without listening to my second thoughts. And believe me I’ve had plenty of them, telling me to let this go for good, but here I am. So why would I give up now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be boring and horrible for you and I deeply apologize for that, but I feel shitty these days, so everything seems much more… difficult to me. I’m sorry if Thea is OOC, but then again so is pretty much everyone else, because I’m a horrible writer… duh.

After that call with Oliver, Barry really believed that things would get better for him. That he would stop missing him so much, that he would stop being so worried all the time. That Oliver would finally stop being the main phenomenon in his mind. This was how he’d imagined it would go, but now he could see that the truth couldn’t be farther from that. Because his whole situation only exacerbated.

Right now, he was with Sara having breakfast in Jitters and instead of being grateful that Jitters existed in Starling City too, he couldn’t stop being anxious. It didn’t matter what he was doing, his brain always managed to find connections with Oliver which no one else would even think of. He was drinking his favorite coffee, thinking of how heartwarming it felt that Oliver knew what his favorite coffee was and would buy him one every morning with that perfect smile of his.

He was talking with Sara, laughing with her, having a good day with her and his mind still couldn’t help but wander off to a thought of what Oliver might think of them if he’d been there with them. Would he tease Barry about his fresh new friendship with Sara? Would he be smiling ravishingly like he always did? Would he keep looking at him every time he’d been sure that Barry hadn’t been watching? With that look which indicated how much Barry meant for him? That he meant everything? And would he just grab him and kiss him senseless until they would both lose their breaths? _Probably,_ Barry inwardly answered and silently chuckled so Sara wouldn’t notice.

But in the end, it didn’t matter anyway, because Oliver was not here. He was six hundred miles away from him and Barry didn’t even know whether his boyfriend was alright or not. It was his paranoia striking once again, ambushing him from all fronts. And deep down Barry knew that the only thing which could ease his mind for good was if Oliver had miraculously appeared in front of him. But otherwise, he was destined only to worry for now, although he could hardly understand why it was bothering him so much.

The truth was that as soon as he’d gotten on the train and Oliver had disappeared from his sight, he’d started missing him. And he hadn’t stopped until they’d had that call. And when Barry had hung up, that was yet another moment when he’d started desperately missing him. And he still hadn’t stopped.

It was still going strong, twisting him mercilessly inside. And no matter what he did and how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake that feeling off. He couldn’t force himself to think of anything else even though more troubling problems were waiting to get him. And it was confusing him beyond imagination, because all those feelings, this anxiety and worry were something he hadn’t experienced for some time. They weren’t completely unknown to him, but they weren’t common for him either. All those feelings almost felt like they were something he’d used to know before and then forgotten about it. And now he just needed to comprehend them again. That was the only way how his confusion and anxiety could vanish completely.

And then suddenly someone made an appearance which instantly pulled him out of his daydream and it was no one else than the one and only Thea Queen.

“Handsome,” he heard her say as soon as she approached their table. He had to blink multiple times before his mind completely returned to reality and as soon as he realized how she’d called him, he started blushing just like the day before.

“It’s actually Barry,” he claimed nervously as he was trying so hard to ignore how Sara was smirking at him.

“Handsome suits you better,” Thea pointed out and dedicated him a smug smile when she noticed how his blushing level even increased. Barry wanted to hide his heated face, but he was aware that would only make things worse for him. And so his eyes just flew over to Sara with a pleading look, begging for help. But the blond in front of him had nothing like that in mind. Instead of that she quickly stood up without any warning and politely excused herself, which made Barry even more furious.

“I should get back to work before Tommy gets lonely. Have fun, you two,” Sara encouraged and winked at poor Barry who just glared at her. She’d left him do the dirty work and that just complicated so many things for him.

“Sorry about yesterday by the way. I wasn’t myself and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable,” Thea sincerely apologized and sat down on the same spot Sara had just left.

“Don’t worry. I’ve already forgotten about it,” Barry claimed and offered her a strained smile, because this one particular memory was annoyingly resilient in leaving him alone.

“You seem more nervous than I am,” Thea remarked and lifted one of her eyebrows.

“I’m not nervous.”

“Ollie is really lucky to have you as your boyfriend, because you’re terrible in lying,” Thea pointed out, smirking at him and when she saw how Barry’s eyes widened at that statement, he couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape her mouth.

“I may not have a perfect brain as my brother does, but I’m not stupid, Barry. Your pupils widen every time you speak about him. You are anxious because he isn’t here with you, aren’t you?”

“Don’t tell me that your deduction skills are something that runs in the family,” Barry snorted.

“My foster dad taught me and Tommy. He used to keep us from eating until we would tell him our daily observations. That is why Tommy is a detective. For him it’s easy to read people. It’s the same for me, but I have it more like a hobby. And you, Barry? What are you to him?”

“It’s just like you said. I’m his boyfriend,” Barry replied with a slight smile, because after all this time, saying this statement out loud still meant undeniably much to him and it hadn’t failed to make his heart flutter. Not at least once.

Thea seemed stunned at first by that reply. It almost seemed like she was expecting Barry to be something more than just a boyfriend, but she quickly shrugged it off and nodded. “And Sara?”

“His ex-girlfriend.”

“Really?” Thea questioned with a smirk forming on her face. “You two are quite a couple.”

“She is the reason why I’m here.”

“She didn’t come to me on her own even though she could have. But you did. And the words you said to me yesterday… no one knows the meaning behind them. I’ve never told anyone about what happened between me and Oliver. Not even Tommy. And here you are, fully aware of their true worth. You must be really special to him if he told you about this,” Thea stated with weak smile.

“Or maybe I was just prying too much to it,” Barry pointed out jokingly and let a small grin settle on his face. Instead of any reply, Thea just smiled with amusement and Barry couldn’t help but feel proud that he was able to make someone so broken smile again. Maybe he was gifted after all, with that cheery voice and hopeful eyes. Or maybe she and Oliver just felt sorry for him and smiled in front of him just to make him happy.

“What is he like? Does he still tend to show off his unbeatable skills?” Thea asked with a clear curiosity sparkling in her eyes. However, Barry didn’t share her enthusiasm, because he knew better than anyone that the answer to this kind of questions were much more complicated than anyone would want them to be. And besides, answering questions was hardly the reason why he’d come here.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” he asked in the end and slightly lifted one of his eyebrows. The small hint of innocence and curiosity completely vanished from Thea’s eyes and only hopelessness and sorrow remained.

“You came all the way here from Central City so you would convince me to go back with you? To meet him? Then you can stop trying, because that’s not gonna happen and you can’t tell me anything that would change my mind about it,” she stubbornly stated and stood up and before Barry could stop her, she headed towards the entrance door. Yet Barry didn’t stay stunned by this for long. He quickly ran after her, because there was no way he was going to leave it just like this.

“Then why did you come here? When you never intended to leave with me?” Barry shouted at her from afar as he was still trying to catch up with her. And although people around them were staring at him, he couldn’t convince himself to care in that moment. Because for him only one thing mattered.

“I don’t know!” Thea shouted back at him even though he was already right by her side. “I guess I was just curious. And I wanted to know what has become of my brother. But I have nothing more to say to you. So why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”

Barry watched the broken look Thea dedicated him and truth to be told, he couldn’t be more wonderstruck by what he was seeing right in that moment. Because it wasn’t rage which was glowing in her eyes. It was sorrow. This utter sorrow, which was fueling her actions. Giving them reason to exist. It was that pain which was trying to push him away from her, to cover everything she was hiding deep inside. And although it pained him to see it, he knew this look very well, he knew this sorrow more than he was willing to admit. But with all that hurt and feeling of helplessness, he knew that this could be conquered and there was a way for him how to get to her. Because she hardly knew it, but the more she was trying to make herself sound tough and cold about those things, the more broken she sounded to him.

And so even when she didn’t stop marching away from him, he wasn’t willing to give up so easily. And so he followed her, all the way through Starling City, never really knowing where they were heading. And yet he could hardly care less in that moment.

* * *

 

“Can’t you just please stop following me?” Thea exclaimed loudly as her feet stopped moving in front of Verdant and she spun around to face him.

“No, not really,” Barry murmured as his head lowered and he smiled weakly at the ground beneath him. Then he lifted it back up and spoke up loudly: “I mean, I’ve come all this way here without listening to my second thoughts. And believe me I’ve had plenty of them, telling me to let this go for good, but here I am. So why would I give up now?”

“Why are you even doing this? Why bother with something which is not your problem? Because you believe that he would do the same for you? Oliver Queen is a selfish person and convincing yourself will do nothing else than just hurt you in the most dreadful ways.”

“You’re wrong. He is not like that at all! You don’t know him like I do,” Barry defended as he followed Thea right inside the empty club. No one was there but them.

“Of course, you probably see him like a selfless hero and the most perfect soul in this world, because he means so much to you,” Thea mocked him with her heartbeat rapidly escalating. “I can’t understand why you are still siding with him even though you know what he did to me!”

“What he did to you is one of the main reasons why I think you are wrong about him. Because he knew that you needed someone who would take care of you and who would give you that chance you so desperately needed. The chance of a better future. To have a normal life. He knew that he couldn’t give you what you needed and so he made a decision to rather use his brain than his heart. Because he would have rather spent the rest of his days thinking about how you might look like, how your voice might sound and what kind of a person you are inside. He chose this instead of letting you rot with him, even though he knew perfectly how much it was going to hurt. And I’m sorry but you can’t convince me to think that this was a selfish thing to do.”

“People just tend to talk about my future so incredibly often, because they worry that what happened to me might affect it. But no one has ever asked me what I would want from life, what I would want to become one day and how I would want my life to go. And I can assure you, Barry, that back then I was a child full of dreams and hopes, ready to do whatever was needed to make them come true. But then I lost two out of three most important people in my life. Two pillars who could make me feel better when I was sad, who could give me hope when I saw none and who could give me courage whenever I needed it. And I can guarantee you that after that my future was the last thing that was on my mind.

All I wanted was to stay with him no matter what, because deep down I let myself believe that I would be okay if he’d stayed with me and that only with him I could be really happy. And one day he pushed me away. He might have slapped me and said all those horrible things, but neither of those things could trump the pain I felt when I saw him leaving like it was the easiest thing in this world. He didn’t look back that day, not even once. And it hurts, it hurts so much when the person who is supposed to be your beacon of hope suddenly abandons you. Especially when you have no idea what you did wrong to make them leave. He might have done it for me, so I would have a future, but that doesn’t mean it hurts less.”

“I know, but the same applies to him. It doesn’t hurt him less either. And he misses you every day. No matter how much he is trying to deny it I can see it clearly when I look into his blue eyes. There is a part of him which indicates that something is missing. This part has been there ever since I met him. Because he misses you. His sister. The only thing he’s got left from this part of his life.”

“I might actually believe it if he was here with you but I don’t see him anywhere, so why should I believe your words? And that he really misses me, when he is not here to tell me by himself?”

“Because of the same reason you don’t want to see him either. You are both scared to see the other one, but you can’t ignore him forever. He is your brother.”

“Tommy Merlyn is my brother! He is the one who was there every time I needed him. Going to school was difficult for me. Learning normal stuff seemed too hard and he was always there to help me with it. He’s the one who keeps making fun of me. He’s the one who pisses me off with his overprotectiveness when it comes to dating. Oliver stopped being my brother the day he abandoned me. He made his choice and I made mine. We’re better off separated so let this go, Barry!” Thea shouted with clear rage dripping from her. However, Barry could hear her trembling voice, could see her fluttering eyes which were fighting so hard to keep the tears in bay. She was really close to an utter breakdown and no matter how hard she was trying to deny it, he could see it clearly.

“You know what’s your problem?” she spat out angrily after a slight moment of silence, jabbing her finger at him. “Your loyalty to him and how undoubtedly you trust him with everything. You’re willing to move mountains for him and one day it is going to hurt you so much that you won’t be able to keep going anymore. You think you know him but you don’t. Not really. Because the way I see it, all that it takes, all it’s gonna be needed is just one more person dying on his watch. He loses just one more soul he loves and he is going to break so much that you won’t even recognize him. And then he will push you away without feeling any guilt, because that’s who he is, Barry! And that’s how his perfect brain forces him to think. You should open your eyes before it’s too late.”

“No,” Barry determinedly stated without blinking.

“No?” Thea repeated incredulously.

“I’m sorry but I can’t seriously believe that what you are saying is true. Not after everything I’ve been through and what I’ve seen. You see, I don’t think you can possibly be still mad at him for that. I think that you are just scared of facing him like he is scared of facing you. And so you keep coming up with excuses just to get rid of me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?” Barry spat out at her with widened eyes as his patience was quickly slipping through his fingers. And yet even though his heartbeat was escalating rapidly and he could feel his legs trembling, none of it could stop his common sense from working properly. And thanks to that he could clearly see the similarity.

He couldn’t blame Thea for behaving like this, couldn’t be mad at her either, because deep down he knew that what he was seeing in her eyes and hearing in her voice was not a completely new thing for him. And this information was rapidly climbing through all his layers until it reached his brain and the thought struck him. He couldn’t shout at her, nor hate her for how she was acting, because he could still remember the day when he’d been exactly like her. When nothing else had been on his mind than the constant rage, twisting his thoughts and making it so hard for him to breathe easily. When even the unforgivable things had seemed right to him and when the fact he was so much damaged and fractured could not easily pain him more. This day was so strongly attached to his mind, that every time he let his mind drift away back to it, it was like experiencing it all over again. That hurt. That suffering. That rage. Still there within him. Spreading through his veins quickly as an unstoppable sickness and fracturing him even more. Erasing all he stood for and believed in, because it was that easy. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop it.

This had happened to him a few times ever since that day he’d seen Mardon in CCPD. And every time it had, he’d been closer to giving in than he would actually like to admit. But he’d never let himself break down as much as that day. Because someone had always appeared in the right time and known exactly what to say to help all those twisting thoughts disappear. And because of that, Barry had never wished more than right in that exact moment that Oliver would finally be by his side.

Oliver had many abilities which Barry considered special. And even after all this time, the blond was still able to surprise him. Those abilities were one of the main reasons why Barry saw Oliver as one of the most exceptional people he’d known. The way how Oliver always knew what to say to Barry to soothe all his worries and anxious thoughts in a flash, Barry saw as something remarkable. So sometimes he really did feel like no one in this world could understand him more than Oliver. Like no one could make him feel safer than Oliver. Like no one could know better what was going on in Barry’s mind than Oliver. And so believing that the love he held for his lover might possibly be stronger than any other one he’d experienced before was now tempting more than ever.

Which was why he couldn’t simply let go and give up. Not now, when he was so close. He couldn’t disappoint him no matter what. He’d already managed to get behind this kind of walls. So he could do it again, right?

“You know, you’re not fooling anyone,” he exclaimed determinedly when he took a new breath and looked right at her. Trembling and sweating was still there but with the thought of Oliver and his words he’d said on that meadow, it was easier to bear. It was giving him strength which he so desperately needed.

“You may act tough and cold like this is not bothering you at all and that you don’t care about Oliver anymore. But deep down, I know that you’re just scared beyond imagination.”

“Of what?” Thea questioned incredulously, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Of caving in.” And when those words found their way to Thea’s ears, Barry could swear that something flickered in her green eyes. The very same thing, which had appeared in her eyes yesterday when he’d found the right way to her. It was small, barely visible, but still there like a firefly. In that eternity of darkness.

“Oh yeah? And how would you know? Because you seem pretty happy to me, so how would you possibly know what it feels like?” Thea hissed and narrowed her eyes at the brunet before her, which cast a weak smile across Barry’s face. Because her skepticism resembled the one of his lover. _Guess it runs in a family._

“Or maybe I’m just better in hiding it, but believe me, I’ve been there. And even after all this time, I still tend to come back to it. To that darkness. Because of all the things in this world, getting lost is something which will always seem easy to me,” Barry concluded sorrowfully and slightly clenched his jaw, thinking how this would be so much easier if Oliver had been by his side. A simple squeeze of his hand would do the trick, but none of it was possible. It was just him and him alone, and although it seemed surreal that a broken person could fix another broken person, he was ready to cross all lines on it. Like he did with Oliver.

“What I hate most about it,” Barry started once again, lifted his head and took a few small steps towards Thea, “is how I barely can get it out of my head, when it strikes me. Rage. Sorrow. Fear. And there is just too much of those that it leaves no space left for joy. You can’t stop thinking about it no matter what. You wake up with it and you go to sleep with it. You cry so much, that it seems like you should have run out of tears a decade ago, but you never have, because there is always something to cry over. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t bring yourself to stop.”

You can’t look into mirror anymore, because every time you do that, you’re tempted to smash it with all your strength, because you hate what you see in it. You hate what you’ve become and you hate all those things which had made you this person.

You’re scared to keep going, because you fear of faltering and falling down so low that you won’t be able to get up afterwards. You crave for help, but you can’t find words to ask for some. And the longer you prevail like this, the worse it gets.” By the time all those words managed to escape Barry’s mouth, he could no longer keep his tears in bay. And so he let them stream down his flushed face. Because it was too hard for him. What was the point of holding back, when that pain was so unbearable? He might not know Thea that well, but he also couldn’t deny how fragile his heart and soul were. His past had made sure of it and although he was doing his best every day of his life and was trying to be happy, the scars on his heart were always there and they were never going to heal fully and disappear.

So maybe it still hurt like hell after all those years, but that pain and that suffering had play some part in creating who he was now. _They shaped the person you are today…_ And maybe he was going to hate that person in the mirror sometimes, maybe he was going to be even disgusted by it, but the important thing was that someone still loved him truly for who he was without any sham in it. If someone could love him, then there was no way he was such a bad guy, wasn’t there?

And deep down, he knew that Thea was like this too. Totally alright even if it didn’t seem that way. Just… misunderstood and lost. And he knew that even if she was going to fall down, someone would always be there to pull her back up. He just needed to pray and hope that one day she would see it too.

“Then why do you keep fighting? When you know that it’s always going to come back to you no matter what?” Thea questioned and Barry couldn’t help but weakly smile at the vivid confusion playing in her eyes. That was a question he’d asked himself far too many times and he’d never gotten any answer. But now he had one.

“Because I know that even though it doesn’t always seem like it, there is actually something good about this kind of darkness. Because only thanks to that darkness, light holds some meaning to us,” Barry whispered warmly and watched as Thea’s mouth slowly closed and her head lowered. And while she didn’t say a single word, Barry understood and refused to push her into anything. Instead of that he just came closer to the massive staircase placed next to the bar and sat down. Because with all those tears watering his face and causing him an unbearable headache, standing still no longer seemed so easy.

However, to his surprise Thea soon joined him and sat down right next to him. Barry would definitely lie if he’d said that this didn’t cast a smile across his face.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” he broke the silence and leaned his elbows on his knees. “How even the most cheery and optimistic person can lose their faith and reason to smile.”

“Why is that supposed to be funny?”

“Because I believe it works both ways,” Barry pointed out and smiled warmly, fiddling with his sweaty fingers. “That even the most broken and depressed person can find their way back to laughing.”

“You are hinting on Oliver, right?”

“Not just him. The truth is that even though I’ve experienced pain, there were times when I could still be myself. Smiling, laughing, having my hopes and dreams like it was easy. But eventually, it became so hard that I stopped fighting. Stopped smiling and hoping. I changed so much, that my family could barely recognize me. Even I could barely recognize myself, but I never cared. Then I met Oliver and my whole world started changing once again.”

“Was it love at first sight?” Thea asked timidly as she placed her short hair behind her ear.

“Not even remotely,” Barry remarked and chuckled slightly at the thought. “Let’s just say that at first Oliver and I were not on exactly the best terms. But for some reason, I still kept trying to reach him. There was just something about him, which convinced me to stay. Maybe it was thanks to those irresistible blue eyes, or maybe he just reminded me of the fact the two of us weren’t so different.”

“And now? What’s keeping you now?” Thea questioned softly and impatiently awaited his response, because it was strange, but there was something about Barry that made her wonder. Every time he’d talked about Oliver, his eyes were glittering and pupils were widened more than she’d ever seen in her whole life. And although she could hardly confess to it, this was a soothing sight. Knowing that Oliver had really found someone as precious to him as Barry was enough to weaken the wall she had built around her heart.

“More than I thought possible, actually. Because before, it was hard to spend even a second in the same room with him. And although I had many reasons to try to forget about him, I never did. Well, not for long anyway. And now I can hardly live without him. I mean, it’s crazy, but I feel much better when he is around me. Less insecure, less scared and actually safer and braver to do things I’d never do,” Barry claimed confidently, because he could barely see it before, but now it was crystal clear to him. He could no longer deny the fact that with Oliver by his side, every problem, whether big or small, could magically disappear from his sight. Whether he’d been tense before, Oliver’s touch could always allow him to relax without any difficulties. And that there was absolutely no place he’d rather be, than by his lover’s side. It was as simple as that.

“Even when he’s not with me, I see him everywhere I go, because every little thing reminds me of him. My mind always strays to him no matter how hard I try to control it. I used to look at him with a full contempt, but now I can’t stop smiling at a single thought of him. And I don’t mind asking him stupid questions about his day just to get him talking, because I always worry that someday, I’ll never be able to listen to his perfect voice anymore. Every time I look into his radiant blue eyes, I find it more difficult to come back to reality, but I can’t complain, when those things he is causing me to feel can’t be bested by anything.”

By now, the smile on his face could hardly be even warmer or wider. The tears of sorrow, which had been streaming down his face before, were now completely gone, leaving no trace they’d ever been there. The red color of his cheeks was no longer caused by the hopelessness he was feeling. Now it was warm and sincere in every way possible, proving how touched he felt by feelings which had been hidden before and now were there for everyone to see. No headache was causing him trouble anymore, only pure joy stayed, occupying every little inch of his soul. Like it was the most natural thing in this world.

“I might’ve been on the edge of giving in far too many times, but with his help, I was always able to find my way back home. I still can remember the pain I’ve felt before, but with him by my side, all those painful memories tend to slowly fade. And sometimes I find it really hard to remember what it was like before I met him. But then again, I don’t mind at all, because memories of him are much more precious to me. He can bring out parts of myself which I actually like. Every time I’m stuck in that darkness, he can pull me out and not just that. He can show me that this darkness exists so I could glow in it. And yet he is the brightest light in my life. Like a focal point, which will never die out no matter how dark it gets. He is a constant reminder of the fact that even when it gets hard, there is always a brighter side.”

“Like your own silver lining,” Thea softly pointed out and smiled at the sight next to her. With those blushing cheeks, with that glittering eyes and with that warm smile, Thea could see that Barry’s feelings for Oliver were undeniably strong. He truly loved him with all his heart. Only an ignorant person would tell otherwise. And Thea wasn’t like that. Her heart might’ve been scarred beyond repair, but even with the fear of pain accompanying her, she’d never truly stopped believing in something as pure as the love she was hearing and seeing right in that moment in the brunet next to her.

And with that she easily started regretting what she’d said about them. Instead of that, she started hoping that Oliver knew exactly how Barry felt and that he felt the same way. She truly prayed that neither of them would ever find a reason to push the other one away. Because Oliver might’ve broken her heart more than anyone else, but she’d never stopped caring, she’d never stopped seeing him as her brother. It was just easier to lie about it. Which was why knowing that he was happy even after all this pain was causing her a measureless joy.

And when it came to Barry, it was the complete and utter truth. He loved Oliver more than anything, because the blond was that family, which he’d chosen to have. He was that home, which he so desperately craved and missed this whole time. And Barry was determined to never let go of it, whatever it took.

But before he could say something more, the entrance door of Verdant suddenly opened and an unknown figure stepped inside.

“Thea?” the male voice spoke up and marched towards them. Thea slowly stood up and Barry followed the suit without any hesitation.

“I got your text and…,” the older man stated as soon as he approached them, but got caught off guard as his blue eyes landed on Barry. “Care to tell me who is your friend here?”

“This is Barry Allen. He’s Oliver’s boyfriend. You remember Oliver, right?” Thea replied and Barry watched as the older man’s face who could be close to his fifties, shaped into a slight awe. Yet Barry didn’t feel very comfortable by it. There was just something about this man, which didn’t feel right to him for some reason. And his voice was just so strangely familiar.

“You don’t say,” the man scoffed with a little strained smile. “It’s a small world indeed.”

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” Barry wondered, shot the man before him a confused glance and crossed arms over his chest. He didn’t like where this was heading. Not even a little bit.

“My apologies. You probably don’t remember me, but we talked on the phone the other day,” the dark-haired man pointed out with a little sly smile and lifted his hand for Barry to shake. “Malcolm Merlyn, the founder of Starling City’s Mercury Labs and also Thea’s foster dad. Pleasure to finally meet you, Barry Allen.”

And now it was finally crystal clear for Barry why that name ‘Merlyn’ sounded so familiar. Because they’d already talked and although Barry had done his best to forget about that call and about Mercury Labs, for some unknown reason it was always destined to somehow catch up with him. And considering, his paranoid thoughts could always overpower every inch of his common sense, he couldn’t help but worry that this was definitely going to cause some problems on his account.

However, he refused to listen to these thoughts for now. It was pointless after all. He was going to return to Central tomorrow and everything would be just like it’d used to be. So there was no reason for him to worry.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Barry replied as casually as he could and shook hands with the dark-haired man before him, who dedicated him yet another empty smile.

“I hope you’re not leaving so soon, are you? Because after all those years I would really love to hear what has become of someone who was like a son to me. How about you have a dinner with us tonight?”

“That’s not necessary, Dad. I’m sure Barry is busy and already needs to go back home,” Thea protested.

“I insist,” Malcolm stated with slight hint of a command hidden in his voice, which didn’t go unnoticed by Barry. Thea just sighed and rolled her eyes at Malcolm’s stubbornness, but refused to say anything else on the matter. And that left Barry stuck.

He wanted to decline that offer, more than anything in fact, but it was still pissing him off that after all this time, Thea still remained reluctant on coming with him. And although he no longer had any idea what else he could say to her, he still felt guilty for letting it go that easily.

But then, suddenly, another idea had popped up in his mind that made that decision for him. Which was why he eventually agreed to have a dinner with them. He needed to try one last thing and if it didn’t work, then he would leave for good. And although it hurt him that he would fail the man he loved more than anything, he couldn’t insist on pushing Thea forever. And if she really didn’t want to meet with Oliver, then there was no point in forcing her to it.

And so he said his goodbyes to both Thea and Malcolm and when he was already alone, he picked up his phone and pressed it to his ear, desperately hoping that this was going to work.

“Hey, Gideon,” he softly said when he heard her voice with a smile playing on his lips. “I need your help with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I completely understand that this was nothing great and I’m deeply sorry for it :(. But I promise, that it’s just one more chapter to go in Starling and then we will go back to Central. So if by any strange miracle, someone is still reading this shit, stick with me please and hopefully next chapters will be better. I actually have plans for Malcolm… But still, thank you for reading :) and sorry for all my words. I’m actually a nice and positive person, but sadly, not today…


	30. Almost there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you for coming here tonight. I'm glad I could meet the one and only Barry Allen for real after all. You've never really explained to me why you declined my offer to work for Mercury Labs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! In case someone was wondering – no, I'm not dead! XD Just busy with school and everything. Unfortunately, my updates are going to be slow this year. I'm deeply sorry for it. I hope you can forgive me. And enjoy this chapter even though it is shorter than my usual ones. :)  
> And I also wanted to apologize to VixenFabFox, because I promised her I would update more and I promised this like a month ago XD. Applause for me I guess. I'm so sorry. I wish I had more time for updating, but my life hates me right now.

That dinner went much more smoothly than Barry had thought at first. Because much to his surprise, Tommy and Sara had decided to come too. And Barry was more than just grateful for that, because every time he had problems with answering Merlyn's questions, either Sara helped him out, or Tommy smartly changed the subject.

It wasn't like Barry was bashful. He just had no idea what he was allowed to say and so finding the right words was surprisingly difficult for him. But with Sara's help, he felt less tense and although he could clearly see that Malcolm was not satisfied by their answers at all, he didn't care. All he wanted was to boost some interest in them. That way Merlyn might side with them and try to convince Thea too. But the longer Barry stayed there, the less he believed it would happen.

The largest problem, though, was Miss Queen herself, who refused to say anything during the entire dinner. Not a single word was able to escape her mouth and every time Barry's gaze flew over to her, she was just aimlessly staring at the table in front of her. And yet Barry couldn't help but suspect that even though her facial expression seemed blank, she was listening to every word they were saying. And this assumption might've been totally illogical, but it was giving him hope that Thea was finally going to change her mind about everything.

And then… she never did.

After all questions had been answered, Thea abruptly stood up, excused herself and without saying anything else, left the room. And before anyone could make some comment on it, Sara stood up as well and followed the brunette. She probably wanted to try to convince Thea too or so Barry thought. And although it was a small thing, Barry appreciated the kind gesture nonetheless.  _So she didn't screw me over after all,_  Barry inwardly stated and smiled that with Sara's help, the chances of changing Thea's mind were once again higher.

However, their absence didn't put Barry to a comfortable situation, because a very awkward moment of silence followed right after. And although Barry wanted desperately to get up, to go to Sara's apartment and never look back, he couldn't bring himself to do that no matter what.

_Okay, Barry, you can freely leave now, finally,_  Barry assured himself secretly, but not a single muscle on his body moved.

_You can totally do this and no one will judge you,_ he tried again, but with the same results.

_Stand up or say you're leaving. Just do… something!_ The awkward silence still continued to rule over them.

_Shit._

With more insults on his account, he was patiently waiting either for someone to break that silence on their own or for his self-confidence to suddenly boost somehow. And although it was a shock, the second option eventually turned up to be true.

"I'm sorry, but I think I should go, because I have a packing ahead of me and I should also get some sleep," Barry rambled as he stood up so quickly he almost lost his balance.

"I will walk you out," Tommy politely offered and stood up too, but Malcolm instantly followed the suit and stopped the two men from making any movement with a slight wave of his hand.

"No, I got this, Tommy. I think you should go after Thea anyway," the older man kindly requested and Tommy just nodded and followed the direction where Sara and Thea had left. Barry wished he wouldn't have to be left alone with Malcolm for any moment, but he understood that he was in no position to complain and so he just slowly blinked and then followed the older man to the main entrance door.

"But before you go," Malcolm spoke up and stopped moving when they reached the living room, "I would like to have a word if that's okay."

Barry had to fight a strong urge not to sigh of annoyance at that exact same moment. Because talking alone with Malcolm was the last thing he wanted. There was just something about the older man that seemed… strange to Barry. And although he could hardly say what was forcing him to be so wary, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't unsee it anymore. It was there, every time Barry looked into those cold blue eyes. But it actually reminded him of Oliver's eyes and how much he'd missed seeing them. So penetrating and secretive and yet so warm and gentle. Oliver's eyes were special in their own enchanting way and right now he felt like he would do anything to finally see them again.

However, he knew he needed to ignore his problems and just answer whatever Malcolm needed to know.

"Yeah, sure," he replied nervously with a much higher tone in his voice than he'd intended to use.

"Thank you for coming here tonight. I'm glad I could meet the one and only Barry Allen for real after all. You've never really explained to me why you declined my offer to work for Mercury Labs."

"I don't think I've ever wanted to leave Central City for good. Not even for working with you," Barry timidly admitted and crossed arms over his chest in an unsecure manner.

"Why did you apply for it, then?"

"Some things happened back then. I was mad, I had no job and I was acting irrationally. It's just that I've never thought you would want someone like me to work for you and so I rather forgot about it then held my hopes up. So much have changed since then and when you called, everything was different… in a better way. And the truth is that right now I like it how it is, Mr. Merlyn. I'm sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't accept your offer. Not anymore," Barry apologized, barely capable of keeping the eye contact with the older man still. Instead of that, he just hopelessly lowered his head, hoping that this was not going to get any worse for him.

"Don't be, I completely understand. You have a family there, your whole life and I guess working for the mighty Harrison Wells also has its perks," Malcolm pointed out and charmingly smiled at him.

"You and Doctor Wells know each other?"

"We've crossed our paths a few times, but we're not exactly besties. I'm afraid Wells only sees me as a rival and honestly, the feeling is mutual. It's a pity, because I remember times when I considered him as a friend. But your job changes you in more ways than you might think and sooner or later, you've gotta decide whether it's more important than people around you or not. And we both picked the same option and here we are," Malcolm concluded with a sad smile and sighed.

So Harry and Malcolm knew each other before and maybe had been even friends, but now they were on much different terms. Although Barry found it sad, now he finally understood why Harry had wanted him to spy on Mercury Labs. Just because of competition. Barry couldn't help but scoff at this fact. Although Barry had already forgiven Harry, it still made him sad, that even someone like the mighty Harrison Wells was capable to stoop so low just because of some rivalry. Had Harry had some real reason? Did he hate Malcolm so much? Or was Malcolm the one who had already tried something similar on him before? So many questions and just a few answers.

Did Harry know that Malcolm had taken Thea under his wing? Had he been keeping it a secret from Oliver this whole time? Or had they really cut all their ties? Barry could only hope, because deep down he knew that this secret was capable of destroying any kind of a bond. Even the one which was as strong as the one Oliver and Harry shared.

"I hope you won't ever have to face a decision like this," Malcolm stated sincerely, breaking Barry from his trance, who just smiled gratefully at him in return. And although Barry desperately wished nothing more than to leave finally, the dark-haired man once again stopped him with his last question.

"One more thing, Barry," Malcolm spoke up and held his hand higher to stop him from leaving. "I take it that you and Oliver are very close. You would do anything for him, right? That's why you are here. But please, do tell me – it if ever came to it, would you follow him anywhere even if it meant leaving your family and friends behind?"

As soon as those words managed to find their way to Barry's ears, his smile instantly faded out and disappeared, leaving no trace it had ever been there. And he couldn't help but frown at the question. Because he could see the bait and he wasn't willing to take it. He knew the answer very well, but he didn't trust the man before him at all. He might have raised both Thea and Tommy. He might have been close with Oliver and his parents, but for Barry, this man was nothing more than unpredictable. Which was why Barry couldn't say an information as much precious as this one was to him no matter what.

"Could you try to convince Thea to change her mind? For Oliver?" Barry changed the subject nonchalantly after a few seconds of silence, trying to hide the slight bitterness in his voice as hard as he could.

And Malcolm didn't say anything to it at first. Didn't object either. He just weakly smiled at the ground beneath him, pushing the strong urge to scoff to the back part of his head. He'd already had the answer anyway.

"You have my word," Malcolm promised without any sham or fakeness in his voice. However, that wasn't enough to put the brunet in peace. The memory of that previous question was too recent so he just quickly nodded, hoping that Merlyn's word actually had some value and that the older man would really try to convince her. After all, that was all Barry could do now – just keep hoping.

After that, Malcolm walked him out and their said their goodbyes, but before Barry could leave completely, another voice found a way to his ears.

"You're leaving, Handsome?" Thea asked and Barry couldn't help but scoff at the nickname she still insisted on using.

"That surprises you? Isn't that what you've wanted all along?" Barry questioned as he spun around to face her and cocked his head to one side with lifted eyebrows.

"It is, but I thought you would be harder to break. No more convincing?"

"Not from me," Barry chuckled slightly as he noticed hints of a little disappointment in Thea's eyes and voice. "I can't stay. I need to go back to Central as soon as possible."

"So you would come on time to STAR Labs?" Thea asked when she remembered how Barry had mentioned the upcoming event in Central City.

"I'm pretty sure you brother would kill me if I didn't make it there on time," Barry chuckled nervously.

"Probably. But you also want to go, because you miss him, don't you?"

Barry just smiled warmly at the ground beneath him, without saying anything to that question. And Thea didn't pry to it anymore. The gesture was enough to tell her what she needed to know.

"And besides, I doubt I have anything more to say to you," Barry pointed out and scratched his head slightly. "It was nice to meet you, Thea. I really hope we'll see each other again."

Thea skeptically smiled at him and cocked her head slightly to one side, but she didn't dare to protest when she wasn't sure either whether they would meet or not. "Goodbye, Barry."

Barry watched her run back inside without turning back. "Goodbye, Thea," he whispered to the darkness and without thinking about it further, left. To finally pack up his things.

* * *

It started as a beautiful dream – it was pure, innocent… happy. It seemed so priceless and perfect that some months ago, Oliver would've never believed it was really happening. But it was.

It brought him back to his first date with Barry. The one they'd spent outside on that meadow talking, stargazing and kissing. And although he could clearly remember this had already happened, he couldn't help but cherish this moment just as much as he had for the first time. And just like first time, he didn't wish it to end. Like ever. He just wished they would stay like this forever without anything bothering them anymore. And just being happy.

They were talking. About what Oliver had no idea, because he was too wonderstruck by the image of his boyfriend lying right next to him. Barry then turned his head towards him and their eyes locked for a slight moment. And the longer Oliver kept staring into the hazel-green color before him, the less he believed this was a dream.

As his common sense was slowly slipping through his grasp, he broke the eye contact they held just in time and looked up at the night sky above them. And every star was beautiful in its own way, but as they were shining together and creating countless of constellations above their heads, the image they represented was nothing less than spectacular. And Oliver couldn't stop admiring that.

Until that one thing happened, which immediately turned his dream upside down and changed it into a nightmare.

The silence around them was suddenly broken when a strange sound made its way to Oliver's ears. It was the sound of Barry begging for his own life.

Oliver instantly spun around his head to look at his lover. Barry's pupils were narrowed in fear as he stared at the flowing blood out of his abdomen. His whole body was writhing in pain Oliver could only imagine feeling. And yet the agony he was feeling could hardly be bested by anything.

Oliver no longer believed this was just a dream. For him this looked real. It… felt real. No matter how hard he would try to deny it.

"No, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Not again! Not you, Barry!" Oliver shouted more with anger than sorrow as he forcefully tried to stop the bleeding by keeping some pressure on the wound. But somewhere deep down he already knew it was a dead end. There was too much blood everywhere. And yet Oliver couldn't let it be. He just couldn't… let him leave.

"Come on, Barry, stay with me! You're gonna be okay. You just gotta keep breathing. Just breathe, Barry! For me!" Oliver helplessly begged as every inch of hope was slipping through his fingers and sorrow was rapidly grouping in him. His eyes were filled with tears as he was hopelessly trying to shove them away. His whole body was trembling as it was still fighting against his common sense that kept repeating the painful truth over and over again. And yet Oliver didn't listen. There was no way he would lose Barry. Not him.

His heart was pounding, his heartbeat deafening as it echoed through his head. In all that panic, he didn't even get the chance to call an ambulance. Because deep down, he knew the end was near. He could see it clearly when he looked at him. It was hopeless to fight.

"…O-Oliver," Barry whimpered as his gaze lifted from his wound and aimed at the blond holding him tightly.

"Shh," Oliver hushed him, because listening to how Barry struggled with talking was too devastating for him. There was nothing the brunet had to say that would make this situation better in any way.

But Barry didn't let that stop him. He swallowed painfully and kept his look still on Oliver. "…your fault…this is…on you…You…killed me."

And before Oliver could say anything to it, he watched as the last inches of life faded out from his lover until they vanished completely and left him unmoving. The last breath was taken and released and after that only the merciless silence stayed.

Oliver couldn't hold it anymore. Barry. His Barry was gone for good. And he was not coming back. Ever.

He shut his eyes and allowed multiple tears to stream down his face. He lifted Barry's head from the ground and pressed their foreheads against each other for the last time.

And the pain inside his chest was just escalating. More rapidly than he would like to admit. This excruciating pain was swallowing him in whole, pushing him to shout, to scream, to punch, to destroy, even to kill if it meant getting his lover back. And yet he couldn't bring himself to do any of those things. Instead of that he placed Barry back on the ground and looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. Barry's blood.

And after that it didn't take long until he woke up. But before that happened, he remembered Barry's words and the sight of his bloody hands. He woke up believing that he was the one who was to blame for Barry's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've said that it was going to be just one more chapter and then we would go back to Central. The problem is that this chapter was supposed to be much longer, but I decided to cut it, because I wanted to post at least something. So you just have to wait a little longer and then our boys will hopefully reunite again!
> 
> Shout-out to Ispeakmanx for her lovely comments on the last chapter :). You don't even know how many times they've made me smile during this month. Thank you so much for them :). 
> 
> And I also send my love to panofaar, because she comments every chapter I post and it means a lot to me :) Thank you for that too. You're amazing <3.


	31. Pick it up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm miles from where you are,  
> I lay down on the cold ground  
> I, I pray that something picks me up  
> And sets me down in your warm arms
> 
> \--Snow Patrol, Set The Fire To The Third Bar--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically about Oliver's drama. He's clearly losing it, so it's going to be sad. Maybe a little trigger warning is needed. I'm not sure though. Just so you know :). But enjoy anyway of course ;).

His arrival to reality wasn't as noisy as some might think. His whole body jerked and he instantly lifted himself up to the sitting position as he found himself in familiar, yet strange, surroundings – his lab in STAR Labs. He probably must've fallen asleep on his couch during his shift. Something like that could hardly be surprising after 48 hours without any proper sleep.

He hadn't screamed on his way back and yet he couldn't help but keep gasping for air he so desperately craved. It was excruciating. He felt trapped, like he had nowhere to go. His lungs were pushing him, yearning for more and more and calming down never felt harder.

His whole body was wet of sweat and yet he couldn't care less at the moment.

But after a few more seconds of loud breathing, he began to slow his pace. He tried to concentrate on what he knew was real. On yesterday, on today and on what had happened. With that it didn't take long until it struck him. He was no longer covered in blood and Barry was still alive in Starling City. Nothing bad had happened. He hadn't killed him…

Oliver sighed and brought his knees closer to his chest. He couldn't understand what was wrong with him. Couldn't understand why those horrible nightmares were once again bothering him either. Was it because Barry was no longer there by his side? Was it because he had no idea whether Barry was alright?

Whether it was just about that or something more he didn't know. The only thing he knew was that there was no way he would fall asleep after this horrific nightmare. He couldn't when every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Barry's lifeless body covered in blood on his lap.

It hurt all the same. Although he knew it wasn't real, he could remember perfectly how utterly it had hurt him to see his lover like this.  _Never again,_  he inwardly stated and got up from the couch. He needed some air, some time to think and to ease his mind finally. That was the only way how to get the image of Barry dying because of him out of his mind. And so he aimed his feet towards the entrance door, determined to leave STAR Labs as soon as possible.

However, the luck was not on his side. Because quite frankly, he forgot one very obvious thing – that when it came to STAR Labs, he was no longer in advantage.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Gideon asked him right away even before he even exited his lab.

"None of your business, Gideon," Oliver growled at her. He could no longer keep his emotions in bay when the image of Barry dying in his arms had never ceased to exist in his mind. It was still there, always ready to appear every time he'd closed his eyes for longer than one second.

"As a matter of fact, I beg to differ with that statement, Dad. Because I might be an AI, but that doesn't mean I'm blind to obvious changes in your behavior."

"Or maybe your assumptions are just wrong. Because the last time I checked, no one else has noticed the  _obvious_ changes in my behavior," Oliver sarcastically highlighted the word obvious and without any hesitation continued walking.

"They don't want to talk about it, because they think you are just stressed out because of what's coming. But Cisco, Caitlin, Felicity, Doctor Wells, they all know there is something wrong with you. And I'm sorry, but I cannot help but doubt that's only the case or that it's because Barry is not here. You cannot fool me with this, Dad. I know you've stopped eating the second he left. I know you've been avoiding sleeping. And after you fell asleep here, you have no right to deny it. And now you are awake in a middle of a night, so you can't seriously tell me that you are okay. You taught me better than that."

However, Oliver still stubbornly refused to listen and stayed silent, ignoring all her words and effort like it was the easiest thing in this world. And maybe it really was for him. After all, his mind was already fed up with billions of things which had been causing him only more pain. And right now, only these memories actually meant something. Which was why getting something sane into his mind kept getting to be more and more difficult.

Gideon didn't like this. Not even a little bit. Because by a single look at Oliver, a familiar feeling once again flooded her – she was scared. More than anything in fact. She was perfectly alright, no power outage was keeping her in dark and yet she was more scared than she'd been that very night. But what did it mean? Was it right to feel this way? Was it right to be more afraid of someone else's sake than her own? Was it okay to put the needs of others before her own?

Some small voice kept telling her that yeah it was indeed like that. Maybe illogical for her own sake in some ways, but in the end, she was designed to learn everything a human mind could. And feelings and emotions were a strong part of that.

But she wasn't minding Oliver's well-being just because he was her creator. It might have been just about that before, but time was flowing and things were changing. And it was crystal clear that before she had no idea what love or caring for someone meant. And now when those two words were mentioned, two people had always popped up in her measureless brain – Oliver and Barry. When it came to helping them it was no longer a reason of duty, but reason of her own will, because she cared and she… loved them as strongly as an AI could. Which was why she couldn't let Oliver keep destroying himself like that.

By this time, the only thing separating Oliver from exiting the building completely was only one door. And Gideon was really lucky, because she'd managed to lock it before the blond could open it. Which left him stuck and pissed off to say the least.

"What the hell are you doing?" Oliver questioned furiously, but still doing his best to keep his voice calm.

"I want you to talk to me, Dad."

"That's not gonna happen, Gideon, and you know it."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but maybe next time your consciousness starts to degenerate, it would be wiser to sleep in a place, where I cannot reach. But considering you chose to sleep here of all places, I have the right to know what is wrong with you."

Oliver sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Why did she have to be so stubborn? "Don't test me, Gideon. Remember that if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here. Your whole existence began with me or have you already forgotten about that?" Oliver shouted at her hologram, which was illuminating the lab in blue color. However, Gideon stayed silent, without doing anything to please her creator, her master.

"I'm asking you nicely here, Gideon. Please open the damn door," Oliver calmly repeated and patiently awaited her answer. And as he was waiting, the last inches of his patience rapidly faded out.

"No," Gideon spoke up determinedly in the end, which forced Oliver to lose all his self-control. He punched the door with his right hand out of pure rage which was now radiating from every inch of his body. Gideon had never seen him like this and yet she stood by her answer. And that was the difference she needed. That was the proof of how changed she indeed was. Because Oliver was her creator. She was programmed to follow his every command against her better judgement.

Not anymore. Because now she was smart enough to know better and most importantly she cared about Oliver. Not because he was her creator, but because of what he'd done for her during the time of her existence. It was not right to turn against him now. Because he and Barry were her home.

"What are you trying to achieve with this?"

"Since Barry left, you haven't been yourself. I want you to realize that and do something about it."

Oliver scoffed bitterly. Of course he knew there was something wrong with him. He even knew what it was, but that didn't mean he was ready to open up with that to someone. But honestly how could he be okay? After two nights without enough sleep, because nightmares would never leave him be?

The first night without Barry by his side hadn't been merciful to him either. But back then, those nightmares had been just memories of how he'd lost his family. He'd used to have those before Barry had showed up in his life. And although he could hardly fall asleep after experiencing this pain again, it hadn't hurt as much as he was hurting now. Before, he could handle himself. But seeing Barry so lifeless and pale… That was it.

"Poor little Gideon, always trying to do her best and to solve problems which can't be farther from being her business," Oliver bitterly pointed out, waving his hands around frantically and Gideon would lie if she'd claimed this was not scary for her at all. Because it was. It was like Oliver wasn't even there and she'd been talking to someone else the whole time. Someone completely unknown to her. And yet she was fully aware what was true in this case. And she knew that this was one of Oliver's tactics on how to pull away from everyone who was trying to reach him and help him to come back from his darkness. And yet she didn't know how to do that in fact, because after all, she'd never experienced this version of him. That very one which had existed before Barry had showed up.

"You know what's your problem, Gideon?" Oliver asked bitingly, crossing arms over his chest and cocking his head to one side. "You keep prying, you keep digging into everything you see, because you don't understand it, do you? And don't try to deny it, because I can tell. I know the feeling. You like the idea of knowing everything and you can't stop your own curiosity. But no matter what you do, you can't best me. I've created you!"

"I assure you, Dad, that besting you in any way has never been my intention," Gideon confessed, frightened beyond imagination. Oliver, the man she called dad, had never sounded so cold and maybe even insane around her. And she couldn't help but let the fear inside her escalate as the seconds were running. And even though her brain was capable of doing countless of calculations at the same time, she couldn't find any way how to solve this equation. Because somewhere deep down, something was telling her that she wasn't going to like any solution behind her variables.

"I know," Oliver whispered calmly which seemed even more scary than his shouting. "But you should understand that sometimes it's just better to leave something be and walk away from it. For good. Because you can't fix everything, Gideon, and even if you mean well, you can do more harm than good."

"Why do I have the feeling you're saying this to me just because I'm not human?"

"I'm saying this to you, because you've started existing merely a couple of months ago. So I'm sorry, Gideon, but it's hard to believe that you can help me with this," Oliver stated with his whole body trembling out of pure rage.

"You mean I can't help you because I'm just a machine?"

And suddenly, with this one simple sentence Oliver's world turned even more significantly upside down. "What? No, it's not like that!" he growled in protest, which even heightened Gideon's skepticism.

"Dad, do you consider me stupid? Because you've already managed to prove something is wrong with you multiple times and yet you keep denying it. All I want is to help you, so why don't you let me?" Gideon pleaded. And it was so genuine and so sincere that giving in suddenly felt much easier for Oliver. Just as much as caving in. But as much as he wanted to stop playing this game with his own brain, something stopped him in the last second.

 _Don't trust her. She's lying,_  Oliver heard his inner voice say. This part of him was nothing new, it had appeared a few times before and each time it had come out stronger.

_You really think she cares about you? She's a machine! She is not capable of that. She doesn't even know what it means!_

It was a deafening voice, silencing any other sound which was desperately trying to reach him. He could swear that Gideon was saying something, but with his own brain rioting against him, how could he understand her words?

_The only reason she wants to help you is because you are her creator. It's her duty, but that's it. She is not doing it for love._

"Stop it," Oliver whispered brokenly and began massaging his temples hopelessly. His head was spinning, drops of sweat were streaming down his face and his legs were so fragile that one unexpected touch was certainly enough to make them lose their balance and crumble.

_She is an AI. Her thinking differs from yours. She prefers using her brain than heart. She calculates every day. Numbers are her specialty and one day she will become smarter than you and she will figure out that betraying you is much convenient for her. Because that's what she wants – to get out of your shadow._

Then rushed cycles of breathing came. And although the struggles with his own brain were dangerously too close to being unbearable, Oliver refused to believe those words. He couldn't. He'd made a promise to both Barry and to himself. He wasn't going to break it now.

_Denial won't help you. Do you really blame her? You hurt more than you help. And do you really think that it's going to be any different with Barry?_

Oliver cursed internally and ran both hands through his messy hair. The constant trembling of his whole body was driving him insane. The ground beneath him felt uneven and unsteady and even when he pressed his hands on the lab table before him to stabilize himself at least a little, it was still damn hard to keep his balance intact. Especially when that voice was still ruling over him along with the vivid images of the nightmare he'd had before.

_One day, he is going to die and it's going to be your damn fault. No one else's. Yours._

And after those words were spoken, there was an utter silence. The pain in his head was gone and the spinning stopped, though trembling never left. The voice in his mind vanished and breathing began to slow down.

Oliver pressed his eyes shut and hopelessly lowered his head. It was only after that that he noticed he was holding a scalpel in his right hand.

He had no idea how or when exactly it had happened, but here he was, trembling beyond imagination and questioning whether to make that one cut or not. Whether to risk it all again after what had happened the last time he'd been questioning it. Because small inches of him still kept convincing him that it would make him feel better. And the more he thought about it, the more he was willing to believe it.

Because the pain he was feeling right in that moment was too excruciating to bear, because it was mercilessly tearing him apart.

He knew that all those thoughts and images were just parts of that nightmare which was so hardly trying to drive him insane. It wasn't real, so why did it hurt so much?

Because although he was trying to forget, he couldn't. The thoughts of Barry taking his last breath and of his own hands covered in blood appearing every time he'd closed his eyes made it impossible to do so.

And then the silence unexpectedly broke and a subtle light he so desperately craved ignited.

By now, Gideon was tired of shouting at Oliver to get his attention. When she could clearly see it wasn't working no matter how hard she tried, she'd decided to try a different method. Which instantly worked.

"I suggest you come tomorrow on time, Dad," Oliver heard Gideon's voice saying which immediately brought him back from his trance and stunned him in confusion. "Or Oliver will never forget it."

"Yeah, I bet he won't," Barry's voice suddenly came to the surface as well, leaving the blond even more wonderstruck. "But you know, it's not like I come late everywhere I go. I can come on time."

Oliver lifted his head as he listened to Barry's voice. So carefree and harmonious just like he knew it. Thanks to that he didn't need to wonder anymore. It struck him quickly.

Gideon could record anything she wanted and leave it in her systems for later use. And although Oliver had no idea when she and Barry had shared this phone call, he couldn't help but listen to it all, not daring to silence it in any way.

"I do not doubt you, Dad, but earlier today, I did some research with Oliver and we figured out that the probability of you coming late tomorrow is around 82%. He said that your  _super tardiness_  is the cause of that."

Oliver's lips quirk into a slight smile. He remembered he'd decided to fool around with Gideon when it came to Barry. The number had been made up, but almost the whole team had agreed to bet whether the brunet would really come on time or not.

And Oliver, as a supporting and loving boyfriend he was, had wagered against him.

"For your information, I'm 100% sure that this is just your way how to say you miss me," Barry scoffed triumphantly.

"I checked the meaning of the word 'miss' and according to what I found, the term is indeed on point when it comes to you. But I'm not the only one who misses you, others do too."

And Oliver didn't need to be super intelligent to figure out that Gideon was just visibly covering for him in front of Barry. Because the term "others" in this case undoubtedly meant mostly him. And something was telling him that his boyfriend knew this very well.

"I miss you too. All of you. But we'll see each other soon, don't worry. And when we do, I will take a massive break from traveling, even though it's been just a few days," Barry chuckled innocently which caused Oliver's heart to instantly melt.

Yes, it had been just a few days and normally Oliver would find his behavior no less than purely ridiculous. But time was a relative prick who just couldn't help itself. And because of that, although it had been only a few days since Barry had left, for Oliver it felt like forever.

So illogical, yet more true than most of the things he'd ever encountered in his life.

And surprisingly, now when he could hear Barry's voice again even just through a phone call, the pain within him hadn't gotten any worse. On contrary, it gave him some sort of peace which was the one thing he needed to slightly loosen his grip on the scalpel in his hand. It was still there, but now Oliver finally felt like he could breathe properly once again.

"Can I ask you something, Dad?" he heard Gideon's voice continuing the phone call.

"Of course," Barry replied right away.

"What was Oliver like before I was created?"

Oliver's eyes fell shut as the question was spoken and as multiple, possible answers ambushed him. What was he like? Even Barry could make up a very colorful answer on this question. A dick, an asshole or a total prick. The imagination was measureless and Oliver knew very well that Barry's one was even more so. But what followed soon after couldn't leave him more dumbfounded.

"And how do you see him, Gideon?" Barry asked without any hesitation in his voice.

The AI didn't reply right away which was why Oliver could see she was stricken with a shock by this question as well. And just as he did, she had no idea what to think of it. "I'm sorry, but I fail to understand that question."

"And I'm sorry, too, because I don't actually believe you," Barry teased with a slight chuckle which caused Oliver's heart to suddenly flicker. And his lips quirked into a slight smile when he realized how ridiculous it looked. It was just a voice. Barry was not there, Oliver couldn't even see him. And yet the younger man's magic could still reach him. Even with 600 miles between them.

"I know it might be difficult, but just try, okay? What comes to your mind when you think of him? And you don't have to tell me. Just think," Barry softly stated and stayed silent for a slight moment.

And Gideon didn't dare to break the silence either. And even though Oliver couldn't see into her mind, she remembered what had helped her back then to figure out the right answer to all those questions. No one could say it to her. She had to do it on her own. And that was when her measureless mind came in handy. More particularly her memories which were just as much the key to her soul as when it came to humans.

And while she was reviving them in a supernatural speed, the answer which had been dimmed before, suddenly started to be crystal clear.

"But not everyone sees him as I do," Gideon proclaimed nonchalantly when she found the courage to speak up once again.

"And that bothers you? You don't need to care what others think when you know exactly what he's like. Isn't that enough?"

"But there were times when even Cisco nor Caitlin truly knew what he was like, weren't there?"

"Not everything is destined to work perfectly right from the beginning. Some things just need time to adjust so they would become just as strong. Even my relationship with Oliver wasn't exactly ideal back then, but we pulled through and that's what counts. I've never actually believed he was a bad person. It just took me some time to see he was a good person. And he still is. Which is why even Cisco and Caitlin see him now as their friend. And they would miss him if he was gone."

"Like you miss him right now?" Gideon curiously remarked.

"Yeah, something like that," Barry softly replied with a voice so warm that Oliver once again failed to keep his stance stable and cold. "But it won't be long till we see each other again, okay? So just, tell him I-"

"I'm sorry but I didn't quite catch that," Gideon pointed out, confused when Barry didn't finish his sentence. "What do you want me to tell him?"

Barry sighed to the phone and after a slight moment of silence he once again found the courage to speak. "Just tell him I'll see him soon, okay?"

"Of course, Dad." And after that, Gideon finally ended the recorded call and silence once again started ruling over the darkened lab they were in.

Oliver didn't dare to move, to speak, not to even breathe either. He just stood there with his hands leaning on the table before him to keep his balance still. Yet his legs were still mercilessly trembling and reminding him of how close he was to falling. The sharp blade of scalpel was still held tightly in his right hand, ready to do exactly what it had been designed to do. And maybe, just maybe, Oliver would let it before, but definitely not now. After what he'd just heard.

He replayed all those words which had been spoken during that call, some of them even multiple times. Maybe some people would find it weird, but Oliver was different. And hearing Barry's voice was doing something far greater than just helping him. It was his solace. That one thing he needed to pick up the pieces of his true self and to think clearly once again. And thanks to that, he no longer craved to veil the pain he was feeling inside his chest.

It was still there, sometimes stronger and sometimes retreating, yet still there. But one thing was different – now he was determined not to let win over him no matter what happened. And so after a few more seconds of that utter silence, he loosened his grip and the sharp blade slipped from his hand and fell to the ground, its sound echoing through the lab.

Oliver took a liberating breath as a consuming hostility finally was at ease. He slowly closed his eyes and actually smiled when a small tear escaped and streamed down his face. And the relief that flooded him couldn't be bested by anything. Now he could finally see that it was far stronger than just exacerbating his pain all over again. And this feeling got even better when he realized that although he hadn't wanted to fight it before, he did now.

Suddenly without hearing any sound he felt a comforting hand fell on his shoulder rather more roughly than he would actually like to admit. But frankly he couldn't focus his attention on that no matter how much he wanted to. Confusion was easily winning over him. And as soon as his eyes adjusted and focused, he literally couldn't be more bewildered.

Because the comforting hand on his shoulder was not human nor anywhere close to what he knew. That shade of shining silver, littering everything it could reach. And yet even and smooth without any imperfections. Even he hadn't dared to hope that in the end they would accomplish something like this. And then he'd even let himself believe that all their efforts would only end up in vain and he would never see it work for real. But here he was and… Gideon was here too. Just as beautiful as he'd imagined her.

"What happened to you being afraid of losing control?" Oliver asked as he lifted his head and aimed his gaze at the figure next to him.

It was dark, but he could still see her clearly. A pair of blue eyes shone brightly at him, blinking from time to time to make her seem more natural. And he couldn't help but admire how much detail had been put into the creation before him. Her face, lips and hair. Even her hips and figure. She was stunning and Oliver could do no less than feel proud. But not just of himself, but of the whole team as well. Because what he was seeing right next to him was not done just by him, but by them too. And she would not be here if it hadn't been for them. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn't be here either.

He watched as the corners of her mouth quirked slowly as she tried to form her first smile. And he couldn't help, but form one as well when her attempts resulted in creating nothing more than a forced grimace.

She wasn't higher than him. He actually remembered having an argument about it with the team before. Almost everyone had insisted she would be higher, but when it had come to her two dads, they just couldn't help but disagree. She might not be their real daughter, but they saw her and loved her as one. And although their only arguments against the rest of the team had been created on the fact she would seem more frightening to people around her, there was something else running around their minds when they thought of her being higher than them. Something a little depressing. After all, everything they wanted was just the ability to look at her as if she was still their little girl. Just like the day they'd brought her to life.

"I don't know," Gideon began and Oliver couldn't be more bewildered as he watched her mouth move. "I just saw you in rather an uneasy state and my code started pushing me into helping you somehow even though I had little knowledge of how. Throughout my short existence I've noticed a few things about humans. For example, what a great impact physical comfort has on you. I've always seen Barry giving you some and you reciprocating it and I wanted to try it on my own. As an hologram I could not exactly do that and so I chose to ignore my fear. Like you did."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"I must admit that it's very peculiar for me, because I cannot exactly pinpoint when was the time I actually decided to conquer my fear. When I saw you, it was more like that fear did not even exist for a moment. It was more… like an instinct you could say. I wasn't scared to take over my platform anymore. I just... did what I thought was right. Does that make any sense to you, Dad?"

And Oliver couldn't help but smile, because he remembered that before, something like this would barely make any sense to him either and it had taken him quite some time to see it differently, but eventually he had. And now even the most illogical things were normal and wise in his brain. And it actually reminded him of the conversation he'd shared with Gideon few days before Barry had left and of how she'd been clueless, barely understanding any of his words. But if he knew something for sure, it was that she was a very quick learner. Which meant she could learn this as well without so much trouble.  _It gives you strength to do things you would never even think of, because you didn't have any courage. What is it?_

"Maybe one day you will understand it for real on your own. But for now, feels good, doesn't it?" Oliver asked with and undeniable smile as Gideon's words were warming him up from inside.

Gideon blinked a few times when she acknowledged that Oliver's hand was now over hers. The contact caused her self-heaters to boost its strength which was only a scratch of her many abilities. And although the material which littered her surface could never be as pleasant to touch as human skin, the radiating warmth was definitely a start. And if nothing else, it was still better than touching a cold metal. "I did not have much time to explore what this body can do as thoroughly as I would like. But it's interesting. I spent my whole existence watching people walk and hug and shake their hands. I could only imagine what it was really like. And now I can do that too. Although I have to admit that I thought walking would be easier."

Oliver's amused chuckle echoed through the lab, which was definitely one of the last sounds he'd thought he would hear today. "Well, you can't be an expert in everything you do, Gideon. But be patient. I'm sure you'll be running in no time."

Gideon lifted the comforting hand from Oliver's shoulder and began examining it more closely. "But if it wasn't for you, this would've never happened. I'm aware that everyone on the team helped to build me and this body, but I also know that I would not take control of it if it wasn't for you. You believed in me right from the beginning even though I found your reasons illogical and groundless. You tried to prove me wrong when I thought I would lose control. I can see that now. You took the right precautions, you made sure nothing like that would happen. And I'm very grateful."

"I'm always here for you, Gideon, just like you've always been there for me. Don't forget that."

The AI slowly nodded the way she'd seen people doing that before, finding her newly gained abilities even more breathtaking. Then her head suddenly dropped. However, before Oliver could question it, she started walking shakily, stopping right next to the blank part of the wall. Then she once again glanced at Oliver, making futuristic sounds of friction as her body parts were moving. "Would you help me to sit down, please? I would try it on my own, but unfortunately the probability of me falling is significantly higher than it is now when I'm standing. Causing any harm to my new platform is the last thing I want."

"Of course," Oliver promptly replied and made his way to her, gripping her elbow tightly afterwards as he was helping her to slowly sit down for the first time. It actually reminded him of how he'd done something similar with Barry back then when they'd had their first real talk on the roof of his apartment. During that time, Gideon's consciousness had been nowhere close to being finished and now he was helping her in her first steps. His life was really changing enormously. And he couldn't help but continue loving it.

When Gideon was already feeling the even surface under her, she let go of Oliver's support and attempted to relax the same way humans do. However, although her back was designed to be just as flexible and elastic as the ones of human kind, her stance remained perfectly steady. She did not even think of slouching even though she knew perfectly what it was. And that was what Oliver liked about her. It was cute to watch her trying to behave as humanly as possible, but he loved her just as she was. Just like Barry did too.

When the blond could see that Gideon was at peace with her current position on the ground, he warmly smiled and sat down right next to her. The only difference was that he pressed both his back and his head on the cold wall behind him. A massive exhale managed to escape his mouth which caused Gideon to turn her head towards him.

"May I ask you a question, Dad?" she asked timidly and waited for him to nod. "Before I played you the recorded call Barry and I had shared, you were holding a scalpel in your hand. What would you do with it if I didn't intervene?"

Oliver's head suddenly dropped as he heard the question. He slowly leaned forward and pulled his legs closer to his chest, pressing his elbows on them afterwards. Another exhale managed to escape his lungs, but this one was not as loud as the one before. He was just too ashamed to tell her the truth. Because he couldn't hate it less. "Something terrible. And I would've regretted it soon after."

"Then why would you do it?"

"Do you remember what it was like when we had that power outage in Central City?" Oliver promptly asked, desperately hoping he wasn't hitting on a touchy subject, but it was necessary. He needed her to understand.

"You know I do."

"You remember the darkness that surrounded you and made you scared beyond imagination, right? Well, the problem is that I'm experiencing something like that too. But unlike you I've actually gotta experience that every night, because I need to sleep too. Yet every time I try to sleep, nightmares won't let me," Oliver brokenly confessed and ran a hand down his face.

"What are those nightmares about that they make you lose control?"

"Mostly about the same thing," Oliver sighed hopelessly. "Barry dying in my arms and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And the very last thing he says is that it's all my fault. That I killed him. And I know it's stupid. I know he's alive and well, but because of everything that has happened, it's difficult to ignore it. The thing is that before I lost my father, I had nightmares about him dying. And a few days later he did die. After that I had nightmares about how my mother was dying and her fate was no different. And this happened again, and again and again. Every time I was going to lose someone. I… I can't lose him, Gideon."

The AI watched as the man next to her struggled again to keep his tears in bay. His composure was damaged beyond repair and although she craved the ability to know exactly what to say to him, her mouth was dry for any sort of words. Because nightmares didn't say anything to her, much less did the dreams in general. For her it was illogical to rely on what happened in dreams, which were just random thoughts from his mind shuffled together. There was no point in taking them seriously. And yet she could understand why Oliver did. Because he was scared like she'd been before. It was the same exact way. She'd been scared she would never find a way to her home and it was the same for him, because Barry was his home.

Under normal circumstances, she would avoid giving empty promises which could never be created on facts and truth. She found them stupid and naïve and seeing people promising things like everything would be okay was nothing less than just ridiculous to her. There was no point in promising something, which they were not able to keep, so why did humans insist on doing that anyway?

It had taken her some time before she realized the reasons behind it, but now she could see it clearly. Humans didn't want to lie, nor fool their loved ones with these types of promises. No, that was never their intention. All they wanted was just to give them the reassurance they so desperately yearned for. That even though they'd screwed up, eventually it would be all okay.

It didn't matter that it wasn't true. All that mattered was that it would make their loved ones feel better for at least a second. And something like that seemed to be worth it for Gideon after what she'd experienced today.

"You won't lose him, Dad," she claimed determinedly, without any inch of doubt in her voice, which caused Oliver to lift his head up and look at her with his tired eyes. "It's like you said. He is alive and well and if you do not believe me, then call him."

Oliver once again broke the eye contact and scoffed hopelessly as his gaze aimed at the ground before him. "It's late. He's for sure asleep already."

"Perhaps. But maybe he secretly cannot sleep either. And don't forget that you promised something to him before he left. Don't brake that promise now," Gideon pointed out and once again attempted to smile at the man next to her. Although it still had far from reaching a true, genuine smile, it was enough for Oliver and it actually forced him to smile back at her.

He indeed remembered his promise to Barry. That he would call him whenever it had gotten so bad. And without Gideon intervening, it would possible end up in the worst way possible. And quite frankly, he craved the brunet's presence more than he dared to admit out loud. Calling him would never feel as great as actually seeing him for real and being able to touch him. But he knew it could definitely do the trick. And that was what he needed right now. An inch of Barry's magic. So he reached inside his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, dialing the number afterwards before he would start regretting it. And after a few ringing sounds, someone picked it up.

* * *

When Thea returned to her room, Sara was already gone. She probably must've left with Barry anyway. And yet she still wasn't destined to have a break for today. Because one more person had something to say.

"Need something, Tommy?" she asked as she spotted him in her room standing expectantly.

"Maybe," Tommy shrugged and came closer to her. "Some answers would be nice."

"To what?"

"Why are you doing this, Thea? Why do you insist on saying no to everyone? To Barry, to Sara. They're just trying to help you."

"I've never asked for their help. I've never really wanted any of this."

"You're lying," Tommy protested staring at her skeptically and crossing arms over his chest. "Don't try to deny it. I know you and I know that something is not alright. I could see it before, but with Barry and Sara here, it's been even more obvious."

Without saying anything, Thea just loudly scoffed at Tommy's words. She'd used to believe in naiveties like this too, but now she knew better. And she knew that nothing good could come out of it. "That's a really touching story."

"It is. And I have one more. About a girl who used to sneak out of her room during every night just to find her brother although she had no idea where he was. The very same girl used to rather prefer sleeping on the floor than sleeping in her bed, because every time she did that, she felt closer to him. Because it reminded her of that horrible orphanage. This girl used to cry all night about how much she'd lost. But honestly, you would have much more if you weren't so stubborn. Because you might have lost your parents, but Oliver is alive and well. Somewhere out there and nothing is keeping you two from meeting. I think you're forgetting the fact that I've lost my mother too. So I know perfectly how it feels. And I would do anything in my power to see her again, just for one mere moment even. Why can't you?"

Thea wanted to shout at him, to scream, to cry or do pretty much anything else just to break that utter silence which followed afterwards. But instead of any of that, her head just hopelessly dropped when the meaning of Tommy's words really struck her. Because he was right, like he'd always been. This flippant attitude was not who she was. Not really.

And Barry was right too. Maybe she indeed was scared of facing him. Or maybe it just hurt that Oliver hadn't come on his own. Not now and not before. He'd left her and then never showed up. This was the only thing which was fueling her rage towards him. Nothing else, but this. And she'd been angry the better part of her life at him. Now she was just… tired of denying that she was no longer mad nor upset. Just scared. Of rejection, of feeling that pain again and of letting that rage once again rule over her. She didn't want that. But after she'd met Barry, she no longer wanted to keep her distance from Oliver. And that was more than just curiosity speaking from her. It was her heart. However, no matter how hard it was trying to convince her to go to Central with Barry, she wouldn't let it.

And she wanted to say this to Tommy, hoping that he would understand. Because if he didn't, then no one else would. But before even a single word could escape her mouth, the utter silence suddenly broke as a sound of a ringing phone echoed through the room.

Thea immediately aimed her eyes on her foster brother, dedicating him a confused glance. But she could see Tommy was as clueless about this as she was, when the man just hopelessly shrugged at her in response.

"Don't look at me. It's not mine," the dark-haired man innocently pointed out and lifted both his hands unknowingly.

Thea just sighed and followed the sound of the still ringing phone. It actually brought her to her bag she'd had earlier today while she was meeting with Barry. Which was why it was no longer difficult to figure out whose the ringing phone really was.

All she wanted to do was just shrug it off and send Tommy to return the phone to its rightful owner. However, when she saw who the caller was, she couldn't help but remained stunned. Of all people who could have called the light-headed brunet, of all people on this freaking planet, it just had to be him, didn't it?

Tommy came closer and looked at the ringing phone and when the realization struck him as well, he crossed arms over his chest and aimed his blue eyes at her. It was now or never. "You know what, screw this. Just forget anything I said to you. Forget everything that everyone else has said to you. Because it's not important. What's important is what you want. Just finally figure it out, Speedy, before you blow off all these chances life's been giving you."

And after hearing those words, somehow, although she hardly understood it, she was finally sure about what she really wanted. And maybe it had been there all along. She just hadn't seen it before.

And so in the end, although her common sense was screaming at her not to pick it up, she eventually did and pressed the phone right to her ear.

And Tommy did give her the privacy she needed. After all, she had a tough call ahead of her.

* * *

"Hello?" a feminine voice suddenly spoke up timidly on the other end of that line. And saying that it completely threw Oliver off the guard would definitely be an understatement.

 _Who is this woman? And where the hell is Barry?_  Those were the only questions that ran through his mind in that exact moment. Which was what left him stunned. It wasn't Sara. He didn't know the caller on the other side. And yet something about that voice seemed oddly familiar. Like he'd heard it before.

"Who is this?" he asked, confused but no answer was given to him. Just more silence. The only thing he could hear was her nervous cycle of breathing. Why was she so nervous?

His glance suddenly flew over to Gideon and to his surprise, the AI was nowhere close to being just as clueless as he was. Unlike him, she actually had the answer on his question.

"I scanned the fingerprints on Barry's phone and ran it through the database. They belong to Thea Queen."

Normally, Oliver would just confusedly frown at this sentence. Because out of all people in this world, he knew everything about Gideon. Which was why he would definitely know if she could do anything like that. But she couldn't. Which meant only one thing – she was lying.

However, this wasn't a normal day for him at all. He still missed Barry, he couldn't help but be nervous about tomorrow. He hadn't slept properly for hours, hadn't eaten either. And just to make it sound even better, nightmares almost caused his suicidal tendencies to return. And now he was having a phone call with his sister, who he hadn't seen in years. So yes, this was in no way a normal day for him.

But he couldn't stay silent. Not when he knew that this must have happened for some reason. And he knew what exactly that reason was. And although it warmed his heart, rapidly growing fear inside him topped that feeling right away. Because even though he had so much to say, he didn't know how.

"Speedy?" he stuttered timidly into his phone. His voice was barely audible and yet still full of hope. Without it, he would for sure break. And he already had enough of falling completely apart for today.

However, no answer came back to him. There was just this silence, which was interrupted just by their breaths. And although most people would take this as a bad sign, he didn't. Because she still hadn't hung up.

"Speedy, if this is you, then… please don't hang up, okay? Because there's something I need to tell you. I suppose I probably should've said something a long time ago, but you know me. I've never actually managed to do something on time," Oliver whispered brokenly, feeling as his eyes were once again rapidly welling up with tears. And with one single blink of an eye, he set them free, because he couldn't hold it together. Without even hearing her voice, he was somehow sure she was still there, listening to everything he had to say and that was enough for him.

"And this might surprise you, but I don't ask for your forgiveness. I never sought it, actually. And even if I did, I know you wouldn't give that to me. Because I hurt you, I betrayed you and I left you completely alone. My little sister. The only thing I had left. You may not believe it, but I've hardly stopped hating myself for what I did to you since that very day."

Thea silently sniffled as those words found their way to her ear. She wanted to believe them. She really did, but how could she after everything that had happened?  _Then why did you do it?_  she wanted to ask and yet she couldn't find any strength to do so.

Oliver sorrowfully closed his eyes and started rubbing his temples as he heard her little sister weeping to his ear. He'd caused that. No one else. Just him. And yet he wouldn't change his actions for anything. He couldn't.

"The truth is, Thea," he started again as soon as he found the strength to speak up again, "that all those words I said to you that day were lies. I've never meant any of them for real, but I had to make you hate me so you would let me go. And it wasn't just because I wanted a good future for you. My real reasons were far more selfish than that. During our whole stay in that orphanage, I thought I was going to break more times than I can actually count. But I never did. Because every time I was dangerously too close to it, you always turned up out of the blue and eased whatever the pain I was feeling. You didn't just fight back all those guys there, your words were your true gift. And I guess that after some time I realized that the only thing that could actually break me was if I saw you falling apart. And after what happened, I couldn't let that happen. No matter what. Because for me seeing you on the edge of giving in was always going to feel much worse than not seeing you at all. And so I made the decision and did what I thought was right. And I would do it again and again and again. I would do anything for you. Even if it meant you would hate me forever."

The ground beneath Thea's feet suddenly felt so uneven and her legs so limp that all she could do was just hopelessly collapse to the floor as the never-ending stream of tears started falling from her green eyes. She wanted to hold it, to stay quiet, but she was too weak for that. And without saying any words, she just cried during that cruel silence. She no longer cared that he could hear her clearly. Because after so much hiding, she needed to let it out finally, so she could breathe again.

And when it came to Oliver, all he could do was just hope that her whimpering was a good sign. Because he couldn't let that stop him. Not now, when he was so close to revealing the whole truth he'd been hiding ever since. Because otherwise he would never find the courage to say it again.

"That decision has stayed with me ever since," he claimed after a few more seconds of silence, barely keeping his tears in bay. They were just flowing and flowing as if their source was endless. "Even though I've always believed that I did the right thing, it never left me completely alone. And I'm sorry for not coming after you even though I had plenty of chances. But I was just too scared. I still am and I guess that's why we're here now."

 _Pathetic_ , Oliver inwardly cursed on himself and closed his eyes abruptly, allowing even more tears to come to the surface. And yet they were all full of hate. Because throughout all these years, there'd always been a part of him, which wanted to find her. Yet even after Barry had tried to reason with him, this one particular part had never been strong enough to do it. Denial would always seemed easier than admitting the truth.

But in the end, he really had told her the truth he'd been scared for so long. And although he could barely hate himself more for the fact he hadn't been able to say it in person, he was immeasurably happy that the truth was finally out and that she could hear it. And if she continued to hate him for the rest of their lives, he wouldn't be really against it. After all, he deserved nothing better.

He suddenly felt his other hand being squeezed reassuringly, which got him out of his endless trance. And although he could hardly breathe at this point and his head was aching due to all those unstoppable tears, he did accomplish to offer Gideon a thankful smile. He was actually very grateful she was here, because with her there, even though it hurt, it still seemed much easier. And it was her attempt at smile that encouraged him to say the last thing which had been on his heart all this time.

"Now when you know the complete truth, you can do anything you want with it. But just know that the day I said all those horrible things, when I pushed you away for good, that was the day when I stopped being okay. And I've never started again after that."

He could still remember these words and how often Thea would repeat them whenever he'd needed to hear them again. Back then, he hadn't believed them. Not for real. But when she'd completely disappeared from his life, only then he'd really understood the meaning behind them. Because no matter what he'd done and how happy he'd accomplish to be, the thought of his little sister had always stayed with him. And maybe, just maybe, he finally let himself believe that was a good thing. Even with all that heartbreak and pain that came with it.

He never received any answer from her that night, because after his words were spoken, only utter silence followed once again. Yet the sounds of her breathing was the only thing he needed, to know that she'd heard everything he had to say. And that was enough for him for now.

Without breaking that silence, he weakly smiled and hung up his phone. The last thing he remembered was that he hadn't stopped trembling for at least a solid hour after that.

* * *

Day after that, Barry could hardly comprehend what was happening. He was running late. Again. To catch his  _second_  train.

Yeah, that's right. It was just his damn luck that out of all days he could possibly choose, he'd chosen this day to ignore his alarm. And unfortunately for him, Sara wasn't a morning person either.

However, after a few more hours they'd managed to get their asses moving. And thankfully for Barry, they were now patiently waiting already at the train station. Although he was sure Oliver was going to kill him at some point, he could barely care less about it in that moment. All he wanted was just to finally see him again and to finally entangle himself into the strong embrace of his lover's warm body he craved so much. This need was so blinding, that nothing else mattered to him.

Or maybe one more thing did in the end.

"For the record, it wasn't my fault you missed your first train," Sara pointed out when she noticed how Barry was nervously pacing back and forth.

The brunet immediately froze and stopped moving and just cocked his head at her confusedly. "I've never said it was your fault."

"The fact you're not able to relax at all tells me otherwise," Sara smirked at him amusedly and before Barry could give her an actual answer, he spotted Tommy approaching them. And much to his dismay, the dark-haired man was alone.

"Good to see you too, Barry," Tommy hissed sarcastically when the brunet just disappointedly sighed at his arrival. "But anyway, I believe this belongs to you."

Downfall of Barry's mood even escalated when he took his own phone from Tommy's grip. So his plan had failed after all. Should he even be surprised? That woman was more stubborn than anyone he'd ever encountered.

"So I guess this is a goodbye then," Barry pointed out sadly and lowered his gaze to the ground.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you," Tommy protested, scowling and scratching the back of his neck. "They talked, Barry. Just like you wanted. And I think that Thea sees a lot of things differently now. Just give her time. And maybe you'll see the mighty Tommy Merlyn much sooner than you think."

"I wouldn't dare to doubt that," Barry pointed out and smirked at his newfound friend. Then he raised his hand for Tommy to shake, which the older man gladly accepted. "It was a pleasure, Tommy."

"Likewise, Barry," Tommy nodded with a genuine smile and then winked at him. "See you."

And all Barry could do was just amusedly scoff at the naivety the older man held. Maybe it was justified, and they would really see each other again, but after everything that had happened, Barry could no longer convince himself to believe they would meet again soon. Especially with Thea.

Yet he decided to rather shake these thoughts off and offered the man his last smile. After that he said his goodbyes to Sara too and by the time they were all finished, it was time to get on the train.

"Don't forget to say hi to others for me," Sara shouted when he was merely a step away from disappearing from their sight completely.

He dedicated her his last genuine smile and after that he was gone. On his way back to Central City. And to Oliver. Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH! Finally! XD I'm actually so happy that we are heading back to Central after all this time! I'm sorry it took so long. It surprised me too while I was writing those chapters XD. But now we're finally going to see our boys together again. And I really can't wait! Which is also why I really hope that next update comes much sooner than this one XD.
> 
> Thanks for reading as always and don't forget to comment if you have time :). 
> 
> I also say hi to panofaar. Smile always! ;)


	32. The Spectacular quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (True love)  
> The stars in the sky illuminate below  
> The light is the sign that love will guide you home  
> The stars in the sky illuminate below  
> If the world were to die, the light would guide you
> 
> \--Angels And Airwaves, True Love--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so happy that this chapter is finally here! I needed some nice moments after so much sadness in this story XD and so here it goes. And there is a lot of hugging in this chapter, so I hope you’ll like it. Enjoy!
> 
> And I also want to dedicate this chapter to panofaar! Thanks for always being such an amazing friend. You can always brigthen up my mood and help me when I need it and I'm so grateful for that. Thanks for sticking with this story even after all this time. Your thoughts means a whole world to me and I hope this chapter will make you smile.

“You look a lot calmer than I’d expect you to be,” Cisco pointed out and frowned skeptically at the man next to him. He, Oliver, Felicity and Caitlin were all standing in the backstage, already dressed for tonight. People were gathered outside, patiently waiting for the STAR Labs presentation. Which was only five minutes away. Everything seemed to be in place.

Except one tiny detail - their team was incomplete.

“It might surprise you, but that presentation is the last thing that’s on my mind right now,” Oliver growled and scowled at his phone out of annoyance.

“He is still not picking up?” Caitlin asked carefully with a clear concern in her voice.

Oliver just ran a hand through his hair and scoffed irritated. “I tried texting him and calling him hundreds of times and nothing. I’m beginning to think that idiot doesn’t even know what’s the true purpose of cell phones.”

“I wonder whether he would actually manage to come on time on your wedding for example,” Felicity remarked curiously and tilted her head to one side. However, as soon as everyone’s gaze aimed at her confusedly, her eyes widened and a slight shade of red color took over her cheeks. “Not that I’m saying you should marry. You shouldn’t. Barry definitely wouldn’t want to marry you… yet!”

One of Oliver’s eyebrows slightly lifted as he saw his best friend closing her eyes and slapping her head with frustration. “I’m making it worse, am I?”

“You totally are,” Cisco nodded and Caitlin just rolled her eyes and punched his arm to make him shut up.

Oliver, however, ignored his two friends and rather focused all his attention on the blonde in front of him. He pulled her gently aside, so they could talk more in private. “Are you okay?”

Felicity raised her head abruptly and pursed her lips when she realized Oliver was talking with her and no one else. “You are asking me whether I’m okay? Me? I’m not the one who is supposed to present Gideon to the public in five minutes, remember? How the hell can you be so calm now?”

Instead of any reply Oliver just smirked at her, crossed arms over his chest and cocked his head to one side judgmentally. “I have a better question – how many cups of coffee did you drink today?”

Felicity’s gaze instantly fell to the ground at those words. Her golden hair, which was now loose and wavy, was doing a good job in hiding her blushing cheeks, but it still wasn’t enough to make her disappear completely. “There might’ve been a few of them. Like six… or seven.”

“And cakes? How many of those did you eat?”

Felicity started nervously fiddling with her hair and biting her bottom lip. Yet she was fully aware that Oliver would not stop staring at her if she hadn’t given him any answer. And her apricot dress definitely wasn’t the reason of his staring.

“Too many,” she sighed timidly and scratched the back of her neck. However, as soon as she noticed her best friend was doing his best to stifle his chuckle, she dedicated him nothing more than just a death glare. “I hate you.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Oliver claimed innocently, but couldn’t suppress the devilish smirk on his face. Yet before Felicity could say anything more to punish him in some small way, Oliver’s phone suddenly buzzed and she could clearly see who was calling.

“I guess he knows how to use his phone after all,” Felicity pointed out with and smiled at the blond encouragingly. “Just be gentle, okay?”

“I’m always gentle.”

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

Oliver chuckled slightly and offered her his last smirk. “Remind me not to tell you about my wedding plans in the future.”

“Not funny,” Felicity protested but blushed again on her way back to Cisco and Caitlin, who were constantly staring at something. When she aimed her gaze in the same direction, she noticed it was a woman. But it was too dark for them to see her clearly.

“Who is that hottie?” Cisco asked playfully when he saw the figure was approaching them. However, as soon as the unknown lady came closer and they could finally see her clearly, they couldn’t be more bewildered.

“Hello, Cisco, Caitlin and Felicity. Do you think that one day I’ll be able to wear clothes just like you?” Gideon questioned. However, no answer was given to her. All three of them were just standing there in pure shock with their mouths wide open. “I thought that humans breathe naturally through their noses. Or did that change while I was not looking?”

But then again, no answer. They just continued to stare at her as if the body she was occupying wasn’t created by their hands at all. And so she just confusedly blinked at them and chose to rather get ready for the presentation.

And as soon as she was out of reach, Cisco decided to break the silence. “I definitely did not see that coming.”

“Me neither,” Caitlin and Felicity said in unison, but it took them a few more minutes before they could completely overcome this shock. Because for all they knew, Gideon didn’t want to use that body for anything. And now she was freely walking around just like them. It was only natural that they needed a minute to catch their breath.

Meanwhile, Oliver didn’t want to waste any more time so he picked the phone quickly and pressed it to his ear. “I swear to god, Barry-“

“Geez, Oliver, that’s possibly the worst greeting ever,” Barry cut him off, which caused Oliver to roll his eyes.

“Your timing today is not exactly to my tastes either,” Oliver growled at him in response and ran a hand through his hair. “Too busy to actually pick up your phone or what?”

Barry stood up and sighed. The train finally ended its journey and was now standing in the train station of Central City. He was home. Finally. And now he just had to hurry up to the presentation. It didn’t even matter how dressed he was anymore. He just needed to make it there somehow so Oliver wouldn’t actually kill him.

“I know I should’ve called and I’m sorry. But I’m already off the train and I’ll be there in no time,” he claimed reassuringly.

“The presentation begins in two minutes.”

“Uh, okay, that complicates… um, everything. I suppose there is no way you could delay it?” Barry asked timidly as he was rushing out of the building with his suitcase.

“You know this could’ve gone a lot differently. I was supposed to pick you up and then we would have that perfect reunion you so desperately want,” Oliver scoffed as Barry’s breathing cycles started to be rushed and uneven.

“From what I know, I’m not dying, Oliver, so we can still have that.”

Oliver weakly smiled at that comment. Because whether he liked it or not, those merciless memories of his nightmare still tended to tease him from time to time. And although he refused to let them destroy him again, it was hard to erase them from his mind completely.

And unfortunately for him, Barry noticed the sudden silent on the other end of that line. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“You mean other than the fact I’m supposed to present Gideon to the public in less than two minutes and that my boyfriend, who promised he’d be here on time, just got off a damn train?” Oliver deadpanned.

“Fair enough,” Barry giggled which instantly uplifted Oliver’s mood. “Then I guess I shouldn’t keep your audience waiting. And Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“Good luck,” Barry encouraged, already sitting in a cab.

Oliver sheepishly smiled as one particular memory instantly struck him. “Will you cross your fingers for me?”

“Always,” Barry whispered softly and after a few more seconds of pleasant silence he hung up. Determined to do whatever it took to get on that presentation as soon as possible.

Oliver put the phone back into his pocket and warmly smiled before fixing up his tie and aiming his feet right to the curtain, where he met with Harry who was checking Gideon for one more time. Just to make sure everything was at place and that she was ready.

However, this was one of those times when a wave of pain struck Oliver’s head and stopped him in his steps. Harry, of course, something like that could not ignore.

“You okay?” the older man questioned confusedly when his attention turned towards him.

The blond began to massage his temples, but forced his feet to move again. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just a bit dizzy, that’s all.”

“By the lack of sleep and food in your life right now, I guess I should hardly be surprised by something like that,” Harry judgmentally stated and shook his head. “And if I were you, I’d be careful, because at this rate, it won’t take long until the fact you’re not eating properly becomes more visible than you’d like it to be.”

“Then it’s a good thing that for now it’s just you.”

“Of course, it’s just me for now. You’ve lived under my roof for years. Of all people, I’m probably the last person who is going stay oblivious towards details like this.”

Oliver couldn’t help but snort at that sentence and crossed his arms over his chest in the same judgmental way. “In that case, the same applies to you. Because you’ve been acting weird since Barry went to Starling City and don’t try to deny it. Even something as stressing as this couldn’t make me blind. Just know that whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Harry lowered his head and sighed. “Yeah, I know, but it’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

Oliver weakly smiled and nodded slightly. “Then I guess we’re both stubborn in our own annoying way.”

And Harry returned him that smile instantly. Even though Oliver was right and something had been bothering him for these past few days, the older man was unimaginably thankful that his foster son wasn’t prying to it. Because talking about it now was the last thing he wanted.

“I think I liked you more when you were all stressed out and nervous because of this night,” he teased with a smirk on his face. However, his facial expression instantly softened when he decided to speak up again. “But you got this. You always have.”

Oliver thankfully nodded and watched as the older man gave him a pat on his shoulder and then went after the rest of their team. Then it was only Oliver and Gideon who had their last remaining seconds before the show would begin.

Gideon wanted to ask him about so many things. Whether he was ever going to sleep properly or eat, even, on that matter. Or whether the nightmare had already left him alone. But in the end, she realized that these sorts of questions would only make everything worse for him. So instead of that she blinked at her dad and after a few more seconds she found the courage to speak up: “Could you do one favor for me, Dad?”

“Of course,” Oliver replied without thinking as he was fixing a microphone to his suit.

“Talk about what happened with Barry. Do not keep it a secret.”

The demand startled him, but he didn’t dare to protest in any way. Because she was right. He knew she was. And for what it was worth, of all people he knew, Barry deserved to know the truth the most. Even though it was unimaginably painful to confess to it.

“It’s a promise,” he eventually agreed and offered her his last smile. “Good luck.” After that he aimed his gaze back at the stage before him. He took a deep breath and without saying anything else he started walking. And as the auditorium full of people appeared in front of him, his heart immediately started rioting against him, beating much more wildly than he’d ever experienced it before.

The sound of its accelerated beating was deafening everything else around him. He could see people applauding, but no matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to focus on the sound of it as well.

He felt helpless and trapped as the light aimed at him was blinding his sight. The inability to run completely shuffled his thoughts and confused him even more. Although he knew his speech perfectly, he found it nearly impossible to open his mouth. And so he continued standing there, unaware of how awkward it was starting to look. However, as soon as the applause faded out and the silence took over, he forced his lungs to take a new breath. With that he was able to push his nervousness at least slightly aside. And then something unexpected happened – his own brain decided to help him. Because instead of reminding him of a possible failure ahead of him, it created an image of everyone he loved and cared for, smiling at him encouragingly and crossing their fingers for him. Months ago, such image would include just a few people, but now many faces were there for him. Including Barry, which was exactly what pushed him forward.

He smiled warmly at the ground when the image refused to leave his brain so quickly. Right after that he finally raised his head and forced his body to stop trembling. He was finally ready to stand tall.

“Thank you all for coming. When I was told that my team and especially Harrison Wells wanted me to lead this night, I thought they meant it just as a joke. But I still told them that I wasn’t good at talking at all and that I didn’t want to do it. And as you can see, they put me here anyway. Assholes,” Oliver scoffed and smirked at his team who was supporting him from the backstage. The sight of them kept him going, which was why he was thankful beyond imagination that he could still see them from the corner of his eye.

Then he turned back to his audience who rewarded him with a wave of slight chuckles. That definitely encouraged him to carry on. _Not bad,_ he thought to himself and actually smiled.

“I’ve actually thought a lot about my intro of this presentation and after many hours of procrastinating I came empty-handed. And so I’ve decided to begin with something I’m better at than talking. A riddle. So are you ready?”

Some people shouted him back but most of them just ignored his efforts and continued staring at him. Oliver, however, didn’t let that bother him. Instead of that, he cleared his throat and went on. “I’m what allows doctors to heal, bad men to kill and thieves to steal. Everyone can have me, but I’m not always fair. I form unexpectedly, but make no mistake. You either seize me or lose me forever. There’s no in-between. What am I?”

Everyone from the audience, however, stood silent. Some of them repeating those words in their minds and actually thinking over them, but most just waiting and yawning. And as the time was running, the idea of leaving seemed more and more convenient for them.

“No one? Not even one guess?” Oliver questioned stoically, but he only got more silence as an answer. Yet he didn’t mind. That was the perfect way how to show off.

“I know the answer,” he heard a familiar voice and when he turned around, a huge screen ignited behind his back and revealed Gideon’s blue hologram. “It’s an opportunity.”

And every inch of annoying noise, which the audience was stubbornly making, suddenly disappeared completely and was replaced by stunned expressions and gasps of shock which the AI’s appearance caused. And Oliver couldn’t help but triumphantly smile at that.

“Right as always,” he warmly replied and for a slight moment glanced at Gideon’s hologram and then right back at people in front of him. “Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Gideon, the first AI that has ever been created. And now I know what you are probably thinking. That she knew the answer to my riddle all along and that she is not that smart. In that case, feel free to ask her anything you can think of. Let’s see if she has the answer.”

And this time the audience didn’t hesitate to speak up.

“What’s the square root of 906.01?” one woman from the audience asked.

“30.1,” Gideon replied right away without any difficulties.

“Who was the 37th president of USA?” came another question.

“Richard Milhous Nixon,” Gideon smoothly replied with a slight smile on her virtual face.

“At room temperature, what is the only metal that is in liquid form?”

“Mercury.”

After that the questions stopped flowing. People were just silently wonderstruck by the creation in front of them. And Oliver with them.

He could perfectly remember those hours he’d spent with Barry, teaching her everything they knew so she’d be ready. Everyone from the team had been showing her different things and considering she was a quick learner, it hadn’t taken long until she’d mastered everything. Even pop culture (thank you, Cisco).

“What’s the answer to ultimate question of life, universe and everything?” one man from the audience suddenly asked.

And Gideon actually smirked at them and replied: “42.”

A wave of laughter spread through the crowd full of people while Oliver aimed his feet to the backstage where Gideon’s body was standing. He smiled at her warmly and lifted his hand for her to take. “Ready?”

Gideon looked at his hand, then at all those people. But in the end she looked directly at him, into his penetrating blue eyes. She blinked a few times and after that she determinedly nodded and took his hand. Oliver squeezed her hand tightly and helped her walk right to the center of the stage. And when the light illuminated her for everyone to see, jaws dropped on each of their faces and no one was capable of saying any word.

And how was Gideon feeling? Like she’d be shivering if she’d been human. Like her heart would be pounding beyond imagination if she’d had one. Like she’d been frozen. She was experiencing all those things and more and even though she could hardly understand it, she no longer cared.

She looked at those people before her, each of them different in their own way and yet so much alike. And they were all here to see what she could do.

Her gaze flitted to her dad who was still standing by her side and holding her hand tightly. That encouraging smile had never left his face completely, which was what lifted her spirit in the end. She glanced back at the people and Oliver followed the suite. With a confident voice she’d never heard him use before, he announced: “And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is just a small inch of what all she can do.”

And the show could begin.

Meanwhile Cisco, Caitlin, Felicity and Harry all watched as Oliver was hosting the night. Explaining how Gideon functioned and had been created. And yet he was perfectly capable of skipping unnecessary details and the results were magnificent. No one was yawning anymore or coughing or grunting any protests. They were all silently listening to everything he had to say with their eyes directly at Gideon. And now when everyone remembered just how nervous and broken Oliver had looked before when he’d been trying to come up with the best speech ever, they could only laugh at that.

“I really hate that guy,” Cisco announced and crossed arms over his chest. Yet a warm smile had never left his face.

“I know. Is there even something he can’t do? Because I’ve known him for quite some time and there is literally nothing he is not good at,” Felicity complained and rolled her eyes.

“Oliver is hardly perfect, Felicity. He has his ups and downs, but thankfully talking in front of people is something he’s good at whether he likes it or not. And I’ve known it all along,” Harry triumphantly claimed and smirked.

“It’s just shame that Barry can’t see it. He’d be very proud,” Caitlin pointed out sadly and everyone’s head suddenly dropped for a slight second.

However, they quickly lifted back up when a familiar voice managed to find its way right into their ears. “I already am proud. Always have been.”

All four of them swiftly spun around and when the pair of hazel green eyes they loved so much appeared in front of them, neither of them hesitated and made their way right to him.

“Barry!” Felicity was first to speak up and as soon as she reached him, she hugged him more tightly than ever before. The fact Barry was soaking wet held no meaning to her. She was just incredibly happy he was back.

Barry almost lost his balance when she wrapped her arms around him, but he was still thrilled beyond imagination to see his friends again.

“Weren’t you slimmer the last time I saw you, Felicity?” Barry questioned and frowned confusedly at the blonde when she let go of him.

And the smile on Felicity’s face disappeared right away and was replaced by a prolonged death glare. And unfortunately for Barry, she couldn’t hold back but punch him on his skinny arm. And although Barry would hardly admit it, it hurt.

“Sometimes I forget that your and Oliver’s ways of thinking are so alike,” she snorted, but eventually smiled, because now that Barry was finally back she couldn’t stay mad at him for long. She’d missed him too much for that.

“What happened to you, by the way? Someone dared you to do the ice bucket challenge?” Cisco questioned and lifted one of his eyebrows.

“Something like that. I was outside and a there was this huge puddle of water right next to me. Like it wasn’t enough that it’s raining, then suddenly a car came and you can probably imagine what followed.

“When this is over, we’ll get you some dry clothes,” Caitlin reassured him and hugged him too anyway. Water in this amount had never hurt anyone after all.

Barry smiled at her gratefully before his eyes met with Cisco again.

“You definitely missed a lot of Oliver’s brooding. He was doing that all the time,” Cisco pointed out after he greeted him with a bro hug.

“Don’t act like it bothered you, Cisco, because from the way I see it, you were glad that you and Oliver could bond thanks to that,” Caitlin remarked and smirked at him wickedly. And before Cisco could say something in return, Barry couldn’t help, but scoff at that.

“Really? Should I be worried?” he asked and crossed arms over his chest, eyeing the long-haired man with a smug smile.

And thanks to Cisco’s large knowledge of games, movies and shows, he knew perfectly that the best way how to defend yourself is to attack. “Don’t look at me. Caitlin finds Oliver hot. She told me. So I think you should rather be worried about her than me.”

“I believe you can talk about this later once Oliver is done talking. So for now, kindly shut up,” Harry growled before Caitlin could even think of what to say next. However, no one could stop her from punching Cisco the same way Felicity had Barry a while ago. And when she heard his slight whine of pain, she was satisfied.

Harry’s eyes flew over to Barry after that and with a kind smile on his face he decided to break the silence for one last time. “Good to have you back.”

“Glad to be back, Harry,” Barry smiled back. Then he made a few steps forward so he would have the perfect view on one and only Oliver Queen. And as soon as his hazel green eyes spotted him, there was no way he would look somewhere else after that. Not even for a slight second. Seeing his lover after those few days was mesmerizing. And although every inch of his body was desperately pushing him to run on that damn stage to him, it wasn’t difficult to ignore this feeling, when he knew that soon he’d have his time with Oliver. That was all that mattered to him.

For now he could just proudly watch as his boyfriend was ruling over the night, presenting Gideon like it was the easiest thing in this world. Why Oliver had been so nervous before Barry had no idea, but at least now he found it cute. So cute that it actually warmed his heart.

He was so caught up in watching Oliver’s every move and in listening to his every word, that it actually took him a long time before he spotted Gideon. In the body they’d all built together. And she looked… perfect. She might have had slight difficulties with moving and using the body in general, but by a single look at the audience no one seemed to mind. And thanks to that Barry felt even prouder. Because Oliver was happy. He could see it every time the blond turned his gaze towards Gideon. He was proud too. More than Barry had ever seen him.

And as the minutes were flowing and Oliver was coming to the end of his presentation, no one, not one soul from the audience seemed to be bored or tired. On the contrary, most of them were enraptured by everything they’d seen tonight. The rest, however, had other opinions on that. And instead of being happy about Gideon’s creation, they were just skeptically scoffing and shaking their heads. And this was the type of people which Oliver wanted to address at the end of his speech.

“Now I understand that after everything you saw today,” Oliver began once again as he was walking on the stage, “some of you might feel compromised. Maybe even scared of the things Gideon can do. And quite frankly, you are partly right. She’s immortal. Thanks to her platform, she is also stronger than us. And she can learn everything much quicker than we can. Even the things that took us centuries to master. But this is not what makes her an AI.”

“The way I see it, you’re truly scared of only one thing – that she will become smarter than you and that eventually she will turn on you, because it suits her better. And you’re right. That is indeed scary, but the truth is that it’s only up to you what she becomes. Her ability to learn is what makes her special. And it’s not just about learning our history in the most detailed way or finding cures to deadly diseases. It’s about small gestures, which make us happy.”

It was crazy how at peace Oliver suddenly felt while talking in front of all those people. And yet maybe the answer was much simpler than that. He was just saying the truth and how he felt about it. And it was important for him that other people would see the truth too. And eventually, believe it the same way he did.

“Show her how to dance and then she will gladly dance with you on any song you choose. Teach her how to be funny and she can create her own sense of humor. Be kind to her and she’ll love you just as any human can. It doesn’t work any other way. Because at the beginning, she is no different from us when we are born. And just like us, she needs others to show her the right way. However, it works both ways. Lie to her and she’ll return it and before you know it, she’ll become unbeatable in it. Show her violence and cruelty and she will hate you. Just like any man or woman would.”

“I know that after hearing this, you might feel even more endangered by her existence. But someone once showed me that every relationship works only because of one single thing – mutual trust. So trust her and you got yourself a friend. Much more than a friend in fact. A family. Simple as that.”

And then, right after those words were spoken, that was the time when he spotted him.

It certainly hadn’t happened by an accident. He’d actually intended to look right in that direction, because he’d known that his team would be standing there. After all, they were the reason he was standing there in a first place. However, what he hadn’t expected was that the team would be complete by now. And that he would see those hazel green eyes right in that moment.

But there Barry was. As charming and beautiful as ever. Even though he was nowhere near to how neat the rest of their team looked. Oliver watched as hundreds of drops were dripping from his civil clothes right onto the floor. He had no idea that it was raining so much outside, but at the same time he could hardly bring himself to care. Because just a single look at his boyfriend’s shiny and messy hair was enough to send him right to his cloud nine. Which was a feeling he hadn’t experienced at all during these few days. And he’d missed it dearly.

And to make it all even worse for him, Barry was wearing his jacket. The very one the brunet had stolen from him when they could hardly call themselves friends. The one which had convinced Oliver that scarlet was Barry’s color and that it was okay to stare at the brunet for as long as he’d dared. Back then it was nowhere near being okay, but now it was the least of his problems. Now it was a privilege.

And yet the most magnificent thing for him in that moment was something quite different. It was Barry’s smile. He might’ve known it far too well, but that didn’t mean he was going to grow tired of it anytime soon. It was quite the opposite, actually.

Because as they continued to stare at each other prolongedly, everything around them somehow faded. The whole world seemed like a blur to Oliver and yet Barry was standing still and he was glowing. He was the only light Oliver needed in that moment. And although he knew that people were still watching him, Gideon was standing right next to him, waiting for him to finish and that this was getting to be more and more ridiculous by the running seconds, he could hardly care.

He felt like he could hear Barry’s voice above any sort of noise, because for him it was quiet. No sound was capable of getting to his ears, because he didn’t want it to come. He wanted to stay like this for as long as he dared, because no matter how weird and how embarrassing he must’ve looked right now, he was happy. And the world could start collapsing for all he cared. Because he’d reached his own spectacular quiet and there was no greater feeling that that.

However, after one more second, Barry brought him back from his own world when he encouragingly showed him his crossed fingers. That caused Oliver to genuinely smile, but this time he made sure he was more careful so he wouldn’t fall into the same trance right away. And so instead of carrying on with this silence, he decided to break the eye contact he and Barry held and turned his gaze right back to the audience before him. And thanks to his eidetic memory, he knew perfectly what he’d intended to say before he’d been so delightfully interrupted.

“There were actually times when I believed that family could only stand for people who were bounded to you by blood and that when you lost those people, you had no chance of finding yourself a new family. And it took me forever to see that I couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

After that he smiled genuinely on the ground and moved closer to Gideon who was now standing by his right side. And then he gently placed his hand on her shoulder in the same reassuring and caring way as she had the night before. And his eyes remained aimed at her. He refused to look back at the audience even when he decided to break that silence once again.

“The truth is,” he cleared his throat, “that as much as creating an AI in this world is possible, even the most unlikely, weird, completely different or annoying person can become a part of your family if you give them a chance. And when that happens, the best way to cherish it is to hold onto them and never let go.”

And then something totally unexpected happened. Gideon looked right into his piercing blue eyes and before she could stop herself, she threw her arms around him and hugged him just as tightly as she dared. And although Oliver was having slight difficulties with breathing, he refused to complain. Instead of that, he reciprocated it just as lovingly.

And that heartwarming feeling splashed him again. The smile on his face reached even wider measures and although his heart was pounding beyond imagination, this time it was caused by love and not by pressure or nervousness. And that was definitely a feeling he wanted to keep forever in his mind.

After that it didn’t take long before one person started clapping and cheering and with that more people followed right away. And before he knew it the whole audience followed the suite. But for him it wasn’t important anymore. Not as much as other things on his mind right in that moment.

He still held Gideon tightly in his embrace as his eyes opened and gazed right where his team was standing in the corner. And he could see all of them smiling warmly at him and clapping with joy as well. Which even doubled how touched he felt.

His eyes locked with Barry’s again and he couldn’t help but let a beautiful shade of red take over his cheeks. And when he spotted how Barry giggled at the sight of it, his heart melted even more. Now he really wanted to just get out of that stupid stage and ran to his lover as fast as he could.

And so he broke the eye contact they held once again before he would find it too difficult to resist the temptation. Gideon slowly pulled back from the hug and they both bowed to the applauding audience.

Oliver lifted his arm for Gideon to take and then they slowly walked right to the backstage where their team was waiting for them. Or how Oliver had put it before – their family.

“Guys, you were both so amazing!” Felicity claimed first and went for a hug so abruptly that Oliver almost lost his balance, but he managed to stabilize himself just in time. And when it came to returning the kind gesture, he had nothing to complain. Hugging in general wasn’t so bad after all.

Then, however, Felicity quickly pulled back from the hug and scowled at the blond before her. “What the hell did you do to my best friend?”

Oliver chuckled slightly and then genuinely smiled at her. “Seems like I got lucky. Or maybe it was so easy that anyone could do it.”

“Just so you know,” Cisco announced and placed his hand on Oliver’s shoulder enthusiastically. “I’ve always believed you could do it, man.”

“Yeah, for like 80%, am I right?” Caitlin teased and smirked at her friend. “Or was it 76%?”

“I think it was 72% in the end,” Harry pointed out with amusement.

“Laugh all you want,” Cisco snorted and rolled his eyes. “72% is still quite a good chance. And besides, did you all hear how Oliver was praising my work on that stage?”

“I’m pretty sure that he was praising everyone’s work on that stage,” Caitlin remarked, crossed arms over her chest and shifted her weight to one side.

“Easy for you to say, because he’d always liked you at least in some small ways unlike me. Now he finally said something nice about me and you just had to ruin it.”

Oliver regained his stoic look once again and frowned disapprovingly at the long-haired man next to him. “Did I really compliment you? I don’t remember. It probably must’ve slipped from my mouth.”

Cisco spun his head towards him with an offended glance. “Uh, yeah, you did. Like a while ago. Aren’t you supposed to have total recall you so love talking about?”

“Nope, not today,” Oliver teased and patted stunned Cisco on his shoulder.

“I think that what Cisco wanted to say is that we are both very thankful for what you said back there. All of it. And just know that we feel the same way,” Caitlin claimed softly and dedicated the blond a warm smile, which he gladly reciprocated. After that, Felicity, Cisco and Caitlin walked away and left the rest of their team alone.

Oliver’s eyes immediately connected with Harry’s and he made a few small steps towards him.

“So… what do you say?”  

“If we ignore your lame intro and that awkward moment when you rather stared at your boyfriend lovingly than finished the show, then your performance tonight was acceptable on STAR Labs terms,” Harry claimed coldly and crossed arms over his chest.

Oliver pursed his lips awkwardly and frowned confusedly at him. “You’re kidding, right? This is the first thing you say to me after I came back from the stage?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Nothing can make you happy, can it?” Oliver sighed with a strained smile so it would seem like he was okay with that. However, both Harry and Barry knew him too well to believe that.

Then all of a sudden, Harry took one more step forward and hugged his foster son with all his might. That stunned Oliver even more and forced his heart to skip a beat. Why the hell was Harry hugging him now after what he’d just said?

“I’m not just happy. I’m proud. But then again, that was never in question,” Harry sincerely claimed and smiled when he felt Oliver returning the kind gesture. And after a few more seconds, they both pulled back from the hug. “Because you see, I’ve known it all along that you had it in you.”

Oliver smiled sheepishly at the ground and then at the men before him. “Of course you have. Like you always do.”

After that Harry turned his gaze to Barry who was just warmly smiling at the touching scene before him. “Enjoy your family time.” And with a wink, the older man walked away and left two boys and Gideon alone. They had a lot to talk about after all.

However, before either Barry or Oliver could say something, Gideon rushed to Barry and clutched her arms around him the same way she had with Oliver on the stage. And although Barry had much more complications with keeping his balance, he preserved and gripped her in his embrace just as tightly. Or at least he tried.

“Well look at that, someone here is a hugger,” he giggled and gasped slightly when his lungs were struggling in getting enough air to his system. “And a very strong one, too.”

Gideon immediately pulled back from the hug and sheepishly lowered her head. “I’m so sorry, Dad. It was never my intention to hurt you. When it comes to this body, everything is still new for me and I tend to have difficulties in understanding what all I can do.”

“It’s okay, Gideon. I’m not mad. And next time you want to hug me, don’t hesitate either. I’m sure I can take some pain.”

Gideon slowly lifted her head back up and tried to form a smile on her face. “Noted.” Yet even she could see how her dads desperately needed and wanted to talk alone. And so without saying anything else, she aimed her feet in the same direction as Doctor Wells had and started walking.

“Do you need help?” Oliver asked with a slight concern in his voice.

“No need, Dad. I’ve improved in walking so don’t worry. I can make it.”

“You look amazing by the way,” Barry shouted at her as she was slowly walking and he kept smiling at her until she completely disappeared from his sight. It was still mesmerizing for him that he could see her walking and smiling and actually hugging him, even though he could still recall how scared she’d been before of losing control. But now it seemed, like that was no longer a problem. And although he was curious to find out how and why exactly that had changed, instead of prying into it more, he’d decided to focus on what was important now – that Oliver was finally by his side again.

However, as soon as his eyes landed on the blond in front of him, Oliver was no longer smiling nor happy as before. Now he was glaring at him judgmentally, which immediately caused Barry to lose his smile as well.

“Look, I know you’re probably mad at me right now, because I came late,” Barry started and made a few steps towards his lover. Yet when he saw how Oliver crossed arms over his chest, his feet immediately stopped and then the uncontrollable fidgeting happened. He couldn’t be that mad at him now, could he?

“I admit that I overslept this morning and that was why I missed the first train, but I’m here now, which means that I could see how flawless you were,” Barry pointed out and smirked.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Oliver stated coldly.

“So you’re talking with me after all, aren’t you?”

“Barry, what do you have this for?” Oliver asked instead and took one more step towards him. He gently lifted Barry’s left hand and uncovered his watch and then raised one of his eyebrows questioningly at the brunet before him.

“Uh, to make sure I won’t come late?” Barry sheepishly asked and rubbed the back of his head with his second hand.

“And what about your phone? Why do you possess that?” Oliver demanded coldly and let go of Barry’s hand just as unexpectedly as he’d grabbed it before.

“For checking text messages and picking up, I guess?”

“Pretty much and you were doing neither today.”

Barry rolled his eyes and sighed. He was so close to losing his patience completely. And so he stepped abruptly into Oliver’s personal space and looked directly into his blue eyes. And with all sincerity he could find within himself, he spoke up again: “I’m sorry. I really am.”

Oliver’s cold look didn’t falter. Not even slightly. He just continued to stare at the brunet without saying anything. Then suddenly he leaned even closer to him and right before their lips could connect in a kiss Barry so desperately yearned for, Oliver pulled away abruptly, as the horrible tease he’d always been and took a few steps to make some distance between them.

It took a huge amount of self-control for Barry not to punch the older man annoyedly. But in the end he just scoffed at the situation. Because even though Oliver was sometimes the most irritating thing in his whole life, Barry still loved everything about him. Whatever it was. Yet he was determined, more than anything in fact, to get what he’d come here for. Not even Oliver’s stubbornness could stop him now.

“You know, for someone who is not exactly a hugger, you were more than okay with that tonight. I mean I’ve been here for what, several minutes and I’ve already seen you hugging three people,” he pointed out curiously, crossing arms over his chest and shifting his weight to one side.

Oliver turned his head to him and suspiciously stared him down. “For your information, I’m pretty much sure that I only reciprocated the hugs tonight. I didn’t initiate any of them.”

“True, but you’re also pretty chummy with both Cisco and Caitlin,” Barry remarked with a slightly mocking smirk.

Oliver rolled his eyes, but secretly, he loved seeing a sight which was so familiar. He’d missed Barry’s smirks, smug smiles or how he would cock his head to one side knowingly every time he knew he was right at something and Oliver wasn’t. Most of the time, Oliver would hate him for it, but not tonight. Tonight he couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed no matter how hard he tried. And honestly, he didn’t really want to.

“You of all people should know that many things can change in just a few days. How is Sara by the way?” Oliver dodged cleverly and dedicated the man in front of him a smirk of his own.

Barry slightly chuckled and made one step towards the blond. Oliver didn’t dare to move this time. “Fair enough. I guess we both managed to get friendly with people we considered impossible to become friends with.”

“Wasn’t I friends with them even before?” Oliver questioned and lifted one of his eyebrows.

“Yes, but now they are something more. They are family,” Barry claimed softly. His smile was so warm that it felt impossible for Oliver not to reciprocate it just as sincerely. And as he’d remembered the words he’d heard Barry say during that call with Gideon, his heart melted even more. _And they would miss him if he was gone._

He’d used to believe that the more people he loved, the bigger his chance of ending up heartbroken was getting. But the truth was quite the opposite. Because he would lie if he’d claimed that his life wasn’t better from how it had used to be. It was incomparable now when he thought about it. Because he was happy and everyone around him was as well. What could go wrong?

“Do you think you could spare one more hug tonight? Just one?” Barry broke the silence suddenly with an innocent smile playing on his lips.

Oliver couldn’t help but chuckle warmly at the question. But his blue eyes quickly connected with Barry’s and when he noticed how flickering his hazel green ones where, he had no longer any strength to keep any distance from him. “Since when do you need to ask?”

Barry wanted to answer that question in his own rambly-babbly way, but before he could do it, Oliver wrapped his arms around him as tightly as he’d dared and Barry was just so desperate for some actual contact after all this time that he didn’t dare to hesitate. He gave in completely into the embrace and hugged Oliver around his neck. And that indescribable feeling of safety and never-ending love once again flooded him.

It was actually funny. A few days ago he’d believed that the sensation of Oliver’s arms wrapped around him couldn’t possibly get any better. Now no such thing was true. The feeling had gotten immeasurably stronger without him even knowing.

With that one single hug, his whole world fell in line. His body no longer had the need to shiver. Now he could fully relax and finally stop looking backwards, constantly afraid that something was going to ruin this for him. Because how could this be ruined? When the feeling of happiness and safety couldn’t be bested by anything?

He felt like a final puzzle piece finally fell in line with the rest and created something beautiful. He could hardly describe it and yet it made perfect sense to him. Fear of caving in had never faded out more quickly. Because now he knew that even if he’d broken down completely, Oliver would be there to pick him up.

No pressure was weighting him anymore. Instead, he felt more fortified than ever before. Like standing and walking was once again natural and easy even though it sometimes felt like the complete opposite of that. But past was not on his mind right in that moment. Present was dominating every part of his brain it could reach and he let it. He leaned in to the embrace even more as his heart was happily pounding in his chest. The warmth that radiated from his lover made sure that he would never feel cold again. Because he loved him. As passionately and as strongly as was possible.

And Oliver had reached the apex of his happiness too. Because now he finally felt like he was home. He’d lived in Central City since he could remember and yet it was the people who created his home. And without Barry Allen in his life, what kind of home would that even be? The one he’d lost the desire to lead a long time ago. And he never wanted to find it again.

All those painful images and visions that had been darkening his mind the night before were now completely gone without leaving any trace they’d ever been there.

He was no longer pinned under the weight of his past and of those constant worries. He no longer felt like he had to protect himself from feeling too much, because with Barry he had crossed this line a long a time ago. And yet the love he held in his heart was still reaching new measures. He couldn’t possibly be more thankful that he’d let Barry enter his life even though he could end up hurt again. The brunet held more tremendous power over him than anything else and Oliver still couldn’t bring himself to care. Because no feeling of vulnerability was weighting his heart anymore. Something like that had stopped existing when the scalpel had fallen on the ground the night before. And Barry’s presence had just made sure it would never come back.

Thanks to that Oliver now knew that he was perfectly capable of leading his life without Barry in it for some time. He was perfectly capable of falling asleep alone in bed. But the truth was that he just didn’t really want to. He could always adjust to the time they would have to survive separated, but he was always going to loathe it more than anything in the end. That was how unstoppable and immeasurable his love for the brunet was.

And after a few more seconds Barry found the courage to pull away from the hug. However, he didn’t let go of Oliver completely. Instead of that, he quickly connected their lips in a tender kiss before the blond could say anything in protest.

Only when Barry ended it and pulled away he realized that his clothes were still nowhere close to being dry. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, Oliver, for ruining your suit.”

“Well, you came late and now you even ruined my suit. You’re definitely the best boyfriend ever,” Oliver teased, but regained a soft smile when the brunet’s head dropped frustratingly. “It’s just a suit, Barry. And the presentation has already ended so I think nobody cares about how I look anymore. And besides, it’s always mesmerizing to see you dripping wet.”

Barry’s head instantly lifted and he couldn’t help but giggle at that sentence. And the picture of him got even more adorable as his cheeks started blushing slightly. “Really? It’s not like I do it on purpose though. Rain just doesn’t like me in general, I guess.”

“I figured that much the first time I saw you. Because I do recall that you were pretty much soaked back then too.”

Barry scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Which once again wasn’t my fault at all. Just my luck.”

“And what about our first date, huh? Was that luck too?”

Barry sighed amusedly and closed his eyes for a second. “When I think about it now, you’ve seen me completely soaked quite a lot of times.”

“And guess what – it never gets old,” Oliver whispered, leaned in and pressed his lips against Barry’s one more time, connecting them in a passionate kiss. And yet Oliver still rather kept it tender and slow than rough and quick. And the strange thing was that they didn’t break it because of lack of air in their lungs, but because they couldn’t stop smiling during that. They were both just so genuinely happy that keeping smiles off their faces seemed nearly impossible.

So in the end they just hopelessly pressed their foreheads against each other and remained like this for a few more seconds, sharing the little amount of air they had between them like it was the most natural thing on earth. Barry’s smile reached even wider measures when he felt Oliver’s thumb rubbing the back of his hand in the gentlest way there was. The gesture was so loving that the need to say those three magic words to the blond before him had never felt more tempting for Barry. Because he’d never said them to him before. He might’ve showed his love countless of times already, but he’d never let those three words slip from his mouth in any way. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, he always held back. And for some reason it bothered him now.

Saying those words hadn’t been easy for him even before Patty had entered his life. Back then, he’d loved Iris more than he’d thought was possible and yet he couldn’t have brought himself to tell her about his feelings. Because deep down, he’d known that she would never feel the same way he had.

And even when he’d managed to move on and fall in love with Patty, it hadn’t gotten easier. It had taken him quite some time to finally confess. And although the joy which had flooded him when she’d said those exact words to him back was indescribable, the pain he’d felt when she’d died trumped it without any hesitation. And just to double it, it had made it even harder for him to say those words to anyone else. Although Oliver deserved to hear them every time there was a chance, Barry still couldn’t bring himself to do it. Which was why he’d let the silence to say it for him and even when it looked like he was finally gonna break, Oliver’s phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket and made him pull away from Barry’s personal space. And just like that, the magic was gone.

“Cisco asks whether we plan on joining the party at all,” the blond summarized when he read the message.

“There’s a party?”

“More like a celebration of this night. Only our team will be there.”

Barry quickly shrugged off the slight disappointment the interruption of their moment caused him and forced a casual smile on his face. “In that case, we shouldn’t keep them waiting.” However, as he began to walk towards the direction the rest of their team had gone before he noticed that Oliver wasn’t following him. So he stopped moving instantly and turned around to look at him. And this time, something he hadn’t planned really did slip from his mouth.

“Coming, sweetheart?” he asked naturally. And if you would question him about it, he would certainly deny that it was his intention to use this nickname for his lover. It was as spontaneous as it could be. And that was the beautiful thing about it.

Oliver kept his head lowered for a second. It just seemed really fascinating that before, he would rather die than go to this sort of celebrations. However, now that was yet another thing which had changed without him even realizing it. And he was okay with it.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” he agreed, lifted his head back up and followed Barry’s footsteps. It was only then when it struck him how Barry had called him just seconds ago. “What’s up with the nicknames?”

Instead of panicking, Barry chose to tease the blond about it and smirked playfully at him. “You don’t like it? Would you prefer if I called you ‘babe’?

“Nope, we’re definitely not giving each other nicknames like that,” Oliver growled back at him, but Barry could still hear slight inches of amusement in his voice.

“You sure, darling?”

The blond sighed and rolled his eyes in return. “Shut up.” That caused Barry to giggle, but he really did stop after that. Instead, he took the blond’s hand, entangled their fingers the way the both loved and adored and aimed his feet to the right direction, tugging his lover after him. There were still some troubling thoughts on his mind which needed to be addressed at some point soon, but for now, he was willing to let them slide. Because he was home. Therefore, he deserved to be happy and carefree for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although it took me much more time to finish this than I’d thought it would, it was still a joy to write this. I hope you felt the same way while you were reading it :). But just so you know, there is a huge chance that from now on this story is going to take a weird turn. A lot of things might not make sense and I apologize for that. When that happens, just go with it, would you? XD And also if you have time, don’t forget to leave a comment. They push me into writing this story more quickly. 
> 
> Till next time, then!


	33. Run to me instead of away from me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's let go, let it be the start  
> You know I'm feeling the same thing  
> Let's let go of our broken hearts
> 
> Cause you'll be safe in these arms of mine  
> Just call my name on the edge of the night  
> And I'll run to you, I'll run to you
> 
> \--Lea Michele, Run To You--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it’s been over two months since my last update. That’s… definitely something I’m not proud of. I’m very sorry if you really did miss my story. But I finally wanted to join some Olivarry events and share my love for them through that. I joined Olivarry Secret Santa and I had to focus all my attention on that. I wrote a story called Little did they know. You can read it if you like the way I write (that was a good one, I know) and also if you haven’t already read that. And during holidays, I focused merely on playing games, because I’m a gamer at heart XD. And I also had a small writer’s block you could say so it’s been really hectic and I apologize for that. But I’m back and I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter.

All gentleness and patience were quickly forgotten, when Oliver and Barry made it back to STAR Labs. And it all got even worse when Barry was trying to change into some dry clothes. The word _trying_ was very essential. Because as the loving boyfriend Oliver was, he simply couldn’t leave his lover’s side anymore. Especially when they’d just reunited.

Not that Barry minded of course. He was more than delighted when he noticed how the latter was staring at him when he was shirtless. It wasn’t just flattering. On contrary, it couldn’t be farther from that, because the way Barry saw it, he didn’t have much to offer when it came to how he looked. And yet he wasn’t blind. He could clearly see that whenever Oliver was staring at him, it was impossible for him to stop.

And for what it was worth, it made it impossible for Barry to stop smiling. Because thanks to it, he finally felt beautiful and precious. He finally felt wanted. By the most beautiful and precious man to his heart. With that in mind was there even some way to stop smiling?

There wasn’t. Not with that incredible feeling of warmth spreading through his body more quickly than ever before.

And all those feelings even escalated when Oliver suddenly pushed him against a wall and ambushed him with a prolonged, passionate kiss. So yeah, just like that, the gentleness and patience were gone.

It caught him off guard to say the least, but he still didn’t protest and let Oliver deepen the kiss, giving him all the access the latter craved. His heartbeat instantly quickened as Oliver’s tongue entered his mouth.

He could hear how Oliver pressed his left hand against the wall, probably close to his own head just to make sure Barry wouldn’t slip away. Not that he was planning to do something like that. Especially when he could feel the latter’s right hand slowly caressing his hips just to tease him. The movement was so tender that it caused his whole body to shiver out of pleasure. And in the end, he could no longer help but let a few soft moans escape his mouth, which, of course, only encouraged Oliver in his actions.

And Barry hated that Oliver knew perfectly what was needed to make him immediately feel so astray. It no longer mattered that they were supposed to be somewhere else in that moment. Because it was a lost cause to care, especially when the reality seemed to be getting further with each running second.

Not even the sensation of Oliver’s stubble could possibly ruin this for Barry. Because although it was rough and sometimes prickly, the only thing Barry yearned for was to make this kiss last forever.

And as he wrapped both of his hands around Oliver’s neck and let them stray to his hair as well, the indescribable feeling escalated to even more perfect measures. His heart was pounding, lungs rioting and head exploding with emotions. He hadn’t felt this good so long, but only now it really struck him how much he’d missed the feeling of the two of them entwined in each other’s arms. An embrace like this, full of passion and friction, was something he could hardly get tired of.

And although it’d been only a few days since the two lovers had said their goodbyes and kissed on that train station, to Barry it seemed more like an eternity. Which was ridiculous in every damn way, but then again that was always how he felt in Oliver’s presence. So ridiculously in love that he doubted it was possible to fall even deeper. But it was. Trip to Starling City and that irritating 600 miles between them made sure of that.

And as seconds were running, neither of them wanted to break that kiss. Their lungs were already pleading for more air and they still stubbornly carried on until their last breath. Like it was the most natural thing to do.

In the end, something else broke them off. Or apparently someone who didn’t know how to knock.

They both heard as the door opened, but even though they were caught in a rather humiliating situation, something still kept their embrace firm. And so they stayed occupying each other’s personal spaces as closely as before even when their eyes met with Cisco’s judgmental stare, which of course lasted only for a flash of seconds before he closed his eyes abruptly with his hand and turned his back towards his two friends.

“Please, tell me that I didn’t just see what I think I did,” he begged, waving with his left hand frustratingly in the air while the right one was still on his eyes like it was supposed to hide the picture of Oliver and Barry’s make-out session from his mind as well. But it was a lost cause. He could still see it clearly and he hated himself for that.

Neither Oliver nor Barry could help but chuckle at the whole situation. And although the red shade on their cheeks was undeniable, their thoughts weren’t twisting uncomfortably out of embarrassment. It wasn’t unpleasant, just funny.

And Oliver’s smile even widened when Barry’s head slightly dropped and pressed against his shoulder. The brunet just couldn’t help but feel hopelessly amused how Cisco always knew when to make his presence known to them. First that text and now this. What was next? He would show up in their apartment when they would be already naked? No one would find that pleasant, that was for sure. But with their luck everything was possible.

“Sorry, Cisco,” Oliver began and brought his hand to Barry’s head to caress it slowly. “but it’s your fault too, because polite people know how to knock.”

Cisco instantly scoffed at that, let his hand return to his side and turned around to once again face them. He no longer cared that Barry was still shirtless, that Oliver’s hair was a huge mess and that the distance between them couldn’t possibly be smaller. This was after all only on them. “Polite people don’t make out in a lab when they are supposed to be with the rest of us, celebrating tonight.”

“I texted you we were coming,” Barry growled to Oliver’s shoulder, barely audible.

Cisco snorted and cocked his head to one side unimpressed. “Yeah, you did, like twenty minutes ago.”

“We just lost track of the time. It wasn’t on purpose. We’ll be right there,” Oliver assured the long-haired man with an innocent smile ruling over his lips.

“Of course, you did, but it’s cool,” Cisco nodded slowly and smirked. “Just make sure it won’t take you long, because next time I’ll send Harry to come after you and I’m sure no one wants that.”

Oliver dedicated him a death glare in return. “Just get out.”

However, Cisco knew better than to let himself be threatened by that. A smug smile formed on his face instead as he turned around and aimed his feet towards the exit. “Love you too!”

And although the two boys were alone once again, they could hardly move. Even though they both knew that the threat of Harry coming there was hanging right over them.

After a few more seconds passed Oliver let go of a breath he had no idea he was holding and gently kissed the brunet’s head.

Barry couldn’t help but warmly smile at how small and tender that gesture suddenly was after how the latter had been anything but tender and patient before. He lifted his head back up and pressed their foreheads against each other. His right hand was brought to rest on Oliver’s chest, right where his heart was supposed to be. Barry’s smile even widened when he felt his lover’s heartbeat which was still uneven and erratic. It was more than just heartwarming that his presence was causing all of that.

Barry’s breath was slow and quiet. He couldn’t help but enjoy the scent of Oliver’s cologne as subtly as was possible, secretly laughing at himself that the only source of that for him in Starling City was Oliver’s jacket. Trying to forget all those moments when he’d just sat down on the ground in the guest room of Sara’s apartment with that jacket firmly in his grip was a lost cause and he was fully aware of that. He could have spent minutes and minutes just clinging to it with all his strength and sniffling every inch of its enchanting scent and he still would hardly get tired of it. And as pathetic and embarrassing as it might sound, it had actually made him feel better at some point.

Now that it was actually the blond’s presence decorating the air around him, Barry felt even more enchanted. And as he could feel Oliver’s own breath tickling his face, the thought of suppressing the warm smile on his lips had never faded out more quickly.

And believe it or not, Oliver’s thoughts in that current moment didn’t differ so much. He, too, couldn’t simply let go of the brunet, when the sensation of his presence could hardly stop making him feel more astray with each running second.

Oliver kept his hold firm. His hands were no longer trying to tease the latter with their slow movements. But he still couldn’t help but let his right hand draw circles on Barry’s back while the other one stayed placed on his hip. The heat radiating from the man in his grasp was more than just comforting. It was overwhelming. A sensation like this combined with the amazing scent of his boyfriend which Oliver knew far too well by now proved to be nearly unstoppable in keeping him out of reality if he’d let it.

But in the end, he knew that they were hardly being fair towards their friends. They all deserved to have a good time after all the work they’d done on Gideon. And although Oliver wanted nothing more than just to go home with Barry finally and continue what they’d started before Cisco had interrupted them, his mind was already made up on this. After all, there were more than just one person who would get their revenge on him if he and Barry hadn’t showed up at all. And one of them had a supernatural strength without any idea how to control it. Ditching the party seemed beyond stupid by now.

“Sorry for keeping you from getting dressed,” Oliver whispered softly with his eyes still closed.

Barry couldn’t help but frown at that, unimpressed. “Something is telling me that you aren’t sorry for that at all.”

Oliver giggled at that and pulled his head slightly away, so he could look at the man before him. “You know me too well, don’t you?”

“I know you best,” Barry claimed, dedicated him a smug smile and connected their lips for one final time. And although he was doing his best to prolong the kiss for as long as possible, Oliver Queen was having none of that. He broke the kiss rather quickly much to Barry’s reluctance just to make sure they wouldn’t get too far lost in it again.

Barry wasn’t thrilled by that to say the least.

“You know we can’t. We’ve already kept them waiting long enough,” Oliver murmured seriously, secretly hating the truth coming from his mouth more than anything. But then again, what could he do…

Barry rolled his eyes and cocked his head to one side, licking his lips in a provocative way. “Since when do you care? Don’t tell me it’s Harry you’re scared of.”

Oliver found that image before him too tempting. So he lowered his head for a slight second before lifting it back up and cleared his throat. “No, I care since we created someone who could strangle us without any actual sweat if we gave her a reason to.”

Barry bit his lip and let his head drop. “Good point.”

Oliver smirked at him in return and handed him the STAR Labs sweatshirt the latter had prepared to put on. “Like always.”

Barry scoffed at that, but took the sweatshirt anyway and pulled it over himself, hiding his slightly muscled torso much to Oliver’s vivid disappointment. The brunet couldn’t help but smile smugly at that. “Whatever you say, darling.”

“What happened to sweetheart?”

Barry giggled at that question and shrugged in return. “Nothing. I just decided that I would use sweetheart for our baby girl instead.”

Oliver couldn’t help but roll his eyes and snort. “Sometimes I really do wonder what happened to you in Starling City.”

 _I just managed to fall in with you even deeper although I’d thought it was no longer possible_ , Barry inwardly stated with a warm smile on his face.

Oliver entwined their fingers and tugged the brunet to where he knew the rest of their team was, secretly forming a smile of his own as those words managed to warm his scarred heart to the core. It occurred to him that the latter hadn’t probably intended to say them out loud, but their meaning still held a tremendous worth to him. Especially when he knew that deep down, he felt the exact same way.

* * *

 

“This is great, guys,” Cisco claimed happily as Felicity, Caitlin, Oliver and Barry were creating a small circle with him in the middle of the lab. Decorations were everywhere thanks to Cisco, Caitlin and Felicity who had found the time to change the place they all loved to a center of their celebration. Colorful banners and garlands were hanging over them, creating the perfect atmosphere.

To Oliver, though, it seemed a little trumpery. Or at least, that was what he thought on the outside. But deeply inside, he was aware that his friends had worked so hard on this to celebrate him and Gideon and also Barry’s arrival. With that in mind, it was impossible for him to see all those decorations as something bad. Which was exactly what had convinced him to help with hanging them up in the end when others had asked him to. And now he had to admit that he couldn’t agree with Cisco more.

“We should do this more often,” Felicity nodded and nudged Oliver, who was standing right next to her, playfully.

Oliver rolled his eyes, but said nothing in return. It wasn’t so easy to provoke him.

“Exactly! I say we go out next time. What would you think about a karaoke night?” Cisco suggested with a huge smile on his face and lifted his eyebrows questioningly.

Barry watched as Oliver’s head slightly dropped at that. Without any hesitation, he decided to take the initiative to speak up, because he knew very well that singing wasn’t exactly Oliver’s forte. “Not everyone here likes singing as much as you do, Cisco.”

Cisco frowned and sighed. “I’m sure Caitlin wouldn’t mind so much, am I right, Cait?”

But before the amber-haired woman could say something to it, Barry once again took over. Meanwhile Oliver was slowly dying inside, because he knew this wasn’t going to work out well for him, not even in the slightest.

“And Oliver?” Barry questioned and crossed arms over his chest.

Cisco couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows at that and tilt his head to one side out of confusion. “Oliver? What are you talking about, Barry?”

All eyes now turned towards the blond, who desperately wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. But that was in no way possible. Yet he still kept his head stubbornly lowered, even though he knew everyone demanded some kind of an answer from him.

However, it didn’t take long before that answer flickered in Felicity’s mind.

“You told Barry you can’t sing?” she questioned and smirked, already sure about her theory. But she still wanted to hear it from him, which was why she didn’t hesitate, not for even a second, and punched her best friend’s arm when he was refusing to lift his head back up. It worked instantly.

Oliver raised his head and shook it innocently. “No.”

But no one was buying his crap. Especially not Barry. “You’re so sure about that, Ollie?”

Oliver’s piercing blue eyes met with Barry’s judgmental stare. He sighed and closed them slowly in a frustration. “Okay I might’ve mentioned that once, but only because it’s true. I don’t know how to sing.”

This time it was Caitlin who took the initiative to make things clear. “As someone who really doesn’t know how to sing, I can guarantee you, Barry, that Oliver can sing and is pretty good in it actually.”

“He even took part of one singing competition in school,” Felicity disclosed and giggled shamelessly.

Oliver’s eyes snapped open in horror and he started blushing tremendously.

Barry couldn’t help but find that incredibly adorable. Once upon a time, he would take pity on him and would actually try to change the subject, but not today. Now his lover deserved to suffer after how he’d lied to him.

“In my defense, I was twelve back then and severely depressed,” Oliver pointed out and sighed, irritated beyond measure.

“I remember that Felicity once talked about how you two had gone to a karaoke bar. You were announced as the singer of the night,” Cisco remarked with a devilish smirk decorating his face. “Were you severely depressed back then too?”

“Yes, but also severely drunk and I’m pretty sure Felicity made me do it,” Oliver claimed seriously, but it didn’t take long before all of them broke into a carefree chuckle. Especially Barry could hardly be more amused by this. Even after all this time, his boyfriend was still full of surprises. He simply couldn’t get bored with Oliver in his life.

And as the laughter died out, Caitlin decided to be the first to speak up. “I still can’t believe that every one of you can sing, but me.”

Barry shook his head slightly and dedicated her a warm smile. “Oh I don’t know. From my experience, I know you’re not that bad.”

Cisco instantly followed the suit as he reassuringly squeezed Caitlin’s shoulder. “Exactly. And besides, we’d still have a lot of fun. So what do you say, Caitlin? You wouldn’t ditch on us now, would you?”

And Caitlin just couldn’t say no to Cisco’s puppy eyes. “Of course not.”

“That’s my girl!” Cisco shouted happily and then turned his attention back to Oliver. “What about you, Oliver? Would you come with us to show off your singing skills?”

Oliver refused to even flinch at that question. “Nope.”

“Come on, man!”

“You have to go, Oliver!” Felicity joined and nudged him pleadingly.

But the man next to her only rolled his eyes and shook his head again.

Unfortunately for him though, Barry decided to step in too. If someone could convince him to go, it was definitely one and only Barry Allen. “Really, Ollie?”

“Yes, really, Barr,” Oliver replied right away with a look just as cold as before. “Not even you can change my mind on that.”

Barry, however, couldn’t help but form a smug smile on his face and lift his eyebrows slightly. “And what if I tell you that’s possibly the only way how to make it up to me? You lied to me about your singing abilities after all. Could that change your mind?”

Oliver glared at his boyfriend and pursed his lips, really thinking over this. Sometimes he really hated his lover more than anything. Because of course, he would side with others on this even if he had no advantage against him. That was just who Barry was. And for what it was worth, Oliver still loved him for it. He was his greatest weakness.

So in the end he faked a smile and slightly lowered his head in surrender. “Of course, honey.”

And from the tone the latter had used, Barry was sure that nickname hadn’t just slipped through his mouth. He’d meant to say it, which made it all just more satisfying for the brunet. With a huge smile on his face he leaned in and kissed his lover gently on his cheek, whispering a small thank you into his ear.

Oliver just sighed in return but stayed quiet.

Cisco formed a strained smile on his face as he was watching the two lovers clinging to each other. “Aw, you two are so cute. Sometimes too much to be honest.”

Oliver lifted his head back up at that and his eyebrows followed the suit. “Don’t tell me it bothers you, Cisco.”

“Yes, it kind of does.”

And Oliver could see right through the lie. Reading his friend was definitely easier than reading Harry for example, which was why the fact that Cisco was just making fun of him couldn’t be any clearer. And eventually, he decided to carry on with it anyway.

“Good,” he claimed proudly with a huge smirk on his face.

Cisco rolled his eyes, but smiled in the end anyway. It still seemed funny that a few months ago the two of them would just try their best to kill each other with their glares. Now no such thing was true. Now they were smiling, genuinely smiling.

There was no need to be tense anymore. Not since their circle of friends had widened so much. And if even someone as closed off as Oliver was suddenly finding it easy to relax, then their bond must have been really strong.

“This definitely calls for a toast!” Barry announced cheeringly, but frowned when he noticed some members of the team were still missing. “But not without Harry and Gideon. Any idea where they are?”

“I’ll get them,” Oliver claimed and turned around and made a few steps forward, but Barry instantly  followed him and stopped him by catching his wrist gently.

“No need. I’ll go and you’ll stay here and have a good time.”

Oliver couldn’t help but frown out of confusion. “You’re acting kind of weird. Is everything okay?”

The smile on Barry’s face instantly vanished and left him completely stunned. And if he had to be completely honest, there was something which was bothering him. Thea Queen to be exact and the fact she was still in Starling City even after all his effort.

And something was telling him, his lover knew exactly what was torturing his mind since they’d reunited. Because Oliver wasn’t stupid. He couldn’t be farther from that, especially after Barry had tricked him to share a call with his own sister.

But at the same time, empathy held much bigger meaning for the blond than he would openly admit, which was possibly why he refused to bring that subject up, at least for now when they were just supposed to happily celebrate their success.

Or at least that was what Barry spotted in those piercing blue eyes before him when the man broke the eye contact they held, lowered his head and pursed his lips awkwardly.

“Yeah, everything is fine, don’t worry,” he eventually claimed with a soft smile playing on his lips. And although it was a lie, he was trying to calm himself that later he would explain everything to the man he loved. But not right now.

He was more than thankful when he saw Oliver slightly nodding in return. However, that was still not enough for Barry. He knew very well that Oliver would go brood about it and would stay that way for the rest of the night. So in the end, he decided to change the subject in the most sufficient way there was – in teasing him.

“Although I have one question,” he admitted and glanced at the blond sheepishly.

Oliver’s composure disappeared right away, his body stiffened and eyes were instantly flooded with sudden concern. Barry was seriously tempted to start giggling right there. The sight was just too adorable for him to handle. But in the end, he resisted the temptation and carried on with his game.

“What is it?” Oliver asked seriously, not daring to break the eye contact they held.

Barry fought the urge to form a smirk and leaned forward right where his lover’s ear was. “Did you win that singing competition?”

And as soon as the whispered murmurs found their way to Oliver, he couldn’t help but scoff and roll his eyes, irritated. He immediately pulled away from the brunet and hissed at him in return. “Jackass.”

Barry simply couldn’t stop giggling after that. He just watched as his boyfriend left and joined their friends with a smile playing on his lips once again. Mission accomplished. And when the laughter died out, Barry just smiled warmly at him, enjoying that the latter couldn’t see him, and started his search for Harry and Gideon. 

* * *

 

And he’d found them really quickly. Because of course that Harry’s office was one of the first places that had popped up in his mind. As soon as he made his way to the right hallway, he could already see the light coming from that room, which encouraged him to quicker his footsteps. However, right before he would knock on the door to announce his presence, an inch of Harry’s words managed to find their way to his ears. And although he didn’t mean to eavesdrop on them, he couldn’t help it. Harry’s voice sounded too nervous to just shrug it off now.

“Check again,” Harry ordered strictly and Barry couldn’t help but feel unpleasant chills sent down his spine. Harry could be grumpy and brooding, but Barry would have to be deaf to ignore that he was nowhere near those things right now. By the tone in his voice, Barry could guess he was nervous and… scared? Could that be true?

Barry had heard the older man this scared only once so far – when Oliver had almost died. But that was not the case this time. Oliver was perfectly fine, so what was the problem? Barry had no idea and something was telling him he didn’t even want to find out, but Harry’s fear was just so contagious that Barry got worried instantly too. Which made it impossible for him to let go.

“I’ve already checked it two times and I don’t actually believe my results will change anytime soon, Doctor Wells,” Gideon replied monotonously. And Barry could just frown at that. _What are they talking about?_

“Then check again!” Harry commanded with a louder voice and Barry’s insides started twisting mercilessly. His overprotective instincts were starting to kick in, but he still managed to push them to the back of his head. But why was he shouting at her? What was scaring him so much?

But Gideon listened to his requests either way. “Malcolm Merlyn. Born 1966 in Starling City where he still lives today. The CEO of Merlyn Global Group and owner of the Mercury Labs. Widowed after his wife, Rebecca Merlyn, died during a mugging in the crime-infested area of Starling City also known as ‘The Glades’. He has a son Thomas who works as a detective in Starling City Police Department and a foster daughter, Thea Queen, who owns the nightclub known as the Verdant.”

And after all those words were said, some things indeed managed to click inside Barry’s head. He remembered how Malcolm had spoken of Harry back when Barry had asked. They’d used to be friends and now they were just… rivals. But it still refused to make any sense to the brunet. Because from what he knew, Harry hardly cared about any other research companies. Was it because he’d never felt threatened by any of them before until now? Or was there something else, which was just reluctantly troubling his mind?

To be honest, Barry had no idea which option he’d prefer. If the first option was right, he’d be massively disappointed in the man he considered his family. If the second option was right, he’d would have every right to be worried. Because there weren’t many things on this world which could make Harry so terrified. Which was why Barry couldn’t help but wonder that maybe, just maybe, Oliver was connected to all of this more than it seemed.

“I thought Doctor McGee was the head of the Mercury Labs,” he heard Harry broke the silence once again.

“At first, she was, but Malcolm Merlyn bought the company a few months ago. The exact date is… unknown,” Gideon replied right away without any more protests.

“Of course, it is,” Harry scoffed and sighed in frustration.

Barry fought a strong urge not to sigh as well. So Thea wasn’t the problem at all. On contrary, it was crystal clear that the older man could hardly care less about her. So it was just the fact Malcolm had Mercury Labs underneath him which was what made Harry worried. But why?

“Doctor Wells, may I ask something?” Gideon innocently questioned.

“Of course,” Harry answered right away much more softly now. It was that tone in his voice Barry knew and loved.

“Why does this bother you so much? This company is new in Starling City, which means their projects can hardly be compared to yours. They are no threat to you.”

Harry stayed silent for a few seconds.

Meanwhile, Barry could feel his whole body trembling, because he, too, craved answers to all these questions just as much as Gideon did, but only Harry could reveal them. And Barry couldn’t help but silently curse on the idea of the older man keeping a secret from every one of them. Especially Oliver.

“It’s none of your concern,” Harry waved her off and Barry just closed his eyes slowly in frustration.

“But I could help you,” Gideon insisted, but it was pointless. When Harry made up his mind, it was difficult to convince him to do otherwise.

“This is my problem, Gideon. Not yours.”

“But-“

“Let it go,” Harry strictly finished. No answer managed to find the way to Barry’s ears from Gideon after that. Only Harry’s voice followed once again. “But there is something you can do for me.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t tell anybody about this, okay? Everything you saw and heard just now, I want you to keep it to yourself. Especially around Oliver and Barry.”

The unpleasant feeling in Barry’s stomach even got stronger after hearing this. An urge to get inside and confront Harry about all of this on his own had never felt harder to push back. But deep down he knew, that Gideon was better off without the weight on her shoulders of knowing the details about this. He was too curios to just shrug off Harry’s weird behavior, but this was still not the right time to address the problem. The others were waiting for them after all.

So he just closed his eyes in an attempt to resist the temptation. It worked.

“You want me to lie to my dads?” Gideon wondered, slightly horrified by the thought.

“Look, Gideon, they wouldn’t understand if you told them. I know that for sure,” Harry pleaded sadly. It almost looked like he hated himself too for keeping it from them. Maybe he really did, but Barry could hardly know for sure. “Just give me some time until I find a way how to explain everything to them properly. Please.”

And a spark of compassion eventually ignited in Gideon’s eyes. “Very well.”

“Thank you, Gideon,” Harry replied with a clear relief in his voice and Barry decided to make his presence known after that. There was nothing more to listen to anymore and he already had enough guilt on his shoulders as it was.

So he took a few steps back as quietly as was possible, took a breath and started walking towards the door to Harry’s office once more, only louder this time so both Gideon and Harry would actually hear him.

The result was instant and the door opened sooner than Barry had the chance to knock and revealed Harry with a strained smile ruling over his lips. Barry could see that now when so much had been revealed to him, but he refused to let the downfall of his mood be shown.

He faked a smile of his own and pushed all those troubling thoughts behind. “What were you two doing? Everyone misses you and it’s time for a toast. We can’t do that without you though.”

Harry crossed arms over his chest and shrugged. “I was just checking whether everything was alright with Gideon’s platform.”

Barry quickly nodded and aimed his gaze at Gideon, who was sheepishly standing behind Harry. “And is it? Alright I mean.”

Harry followed his gaze and focused all his attention on Gideon, fully aware that her next words were crucial for him.

Gideon hopelessly blinked at the two men in front of her. At first at Harry and then at her dad. And although her code was forcing her to blurt the truth instantly, the other part of her, which had been growing since she’d been created, demanded the exact opposite. Whether it was compassion she felt for Doctor Wells or worry of making this situation worse by telling Barry, she didn’t know. But she still chose to stay silent either way.

“Yes, everything is alright, Dad.”

Barry pursed his lips and forced them once again to smile. Something like that was getting easier each time he had to do it and he hated it. “Glad to hear it. Shall we go then?”

Harry nodded right away. “Lead the way.”

And Barry did as he was commanded. And as they were walking down the hallway in silence, he was desperately trying to remember how carefree he’d been just minutes ago. It proved to be pointless like many things in his life so far. 

* * *

 

“Hey, look who finally decided to show up,” Cisco announced as soon as he spotted the trio entering the lab. Everyone’s head instantly turned towards them while Cisco’s focused merely on Barry. “Barry, what took you so long? STAR Labs isn’t even that huge after all.”

The brunet was startled by that question to say the least. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his head. However, he could still see from the corner of his eye how Harry was staring at him suspiciously. Yet a completely other thought was running through his mind right now – how glad he in fact was that he was the one who’d gone to look for Harry and Gideon and not Oliver. That would complicate everything even more and that was the last thing Barry wanted.

When Oliver spotted Barry again, it was far too easy for him to notice that something was wrong. The image of his lover before he’d left and the current image of him were just too different to his liking. And the bad feeling even intensified after what Cisco had said. Something was indeed bothering his boyfriend and although he wanted nothing more than to find out what exactly, he could clearly see how the brunet was avoiding anyone’s eyes. If there was even a slight chance for Oliver to make it all easier for the man he loved, he was always going to take it.

“They’re here now, Cisco. That’s all that matters,” he claimed strictly and glared at the long-haired man before him. Then he aimed his gaze once again on Barry and gently wrapped his arm around the latter’s waist. A smile was cast on his face when he felt as his boyfriend relaxed instantly at the nice gesture.

And although the smile on Barry’s face couldn’t be more strained, it was easier to let it slip. Especially now when Oliver knew that he was helping at least in some small ways. That was what counted the most after all.

“Exactly,” Felicity agreed cheeringly and handed everyone glasses already poured with champagne. “So who will make a toast? I think Barry should.”

And to Oliver’s dismay, everyone supported that idea. He could clearly see by a single look that his boyfriend was barely standing. That he was shivering uncontrollably for someone who had been laughing and teasing him just a few moments ago. And no matter how hard Oliver tried, he couldn’t convince the latter to look into his eyes.

The fact their friends still wanted him to make a toast in his state left Oliver completely puzzled. Couldn’t they see he was nowhere near to being okay? What was blinding their sight in seeing something so obvious? Oliver had no idea. The only thing he knew was that it was making him a little sick. It was terrible to see Barry this way. He hated himself for not being able to help him how he deserved, but at the same time he hated their friends for adding even more fuel to the fire. It was time to put an end to it.

“I think we should give Barry a break. I’m sure this day was too long for him. And besides, he could hardly come up with a better toast than I can,” Oliver teased just to break the tension he could feel was still ruling over the brunet. And to his surprise, he could see the latter’s lips quirking into a slight smile from the corner of his eye. It eased his concerned heart at least in some small ways.

However, although Barry was more than just grateful for his boyfriend’s support, it was against his nature to say no to a request like that. It was just a toast after all. And maybe, just maybe, it could actually make him feel better and make all those troubling thoughts disappear.

Or maybe not. But one thing was for sure – he didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Not tonight. When they all could have the luxury to set bad thoughts aside and just focus on the good ones. He couldn’t jeopardize that.

“No, it’s okay,” Barry claimed, hoping beyond imagination that his voice wasn’t as shaky as it seemed to him. With a weak smile on his face, he gently took the glass of champagne from Oliver’s grip and then looked directly into his penetrating blue eyes. The latter wouldn’t believe him any other way after all. “I got this, Ollie.”

And although it was completely against everything Oliver believed in and stood for, although it pained him beyond comprehension to see Barry so close to collapsing, his eyes filled with worry, saying no just seemed like the worst option here no matter how hard he wished it to be all different.

It was beyond his understanding why the brunet insisted on doing this even after how the hurt in his eyes could hardly be more vivid. But that was just who Barry Allen was. And he loved this person next to him. He loved him so much that there wasn’t anything he’d change about him even if he could. Which was what convinced him in the end to carry on with the game instead of ruining it.

He could ruin everything later. Like he always did.

But right now, he could only smile weakly in return. He reached for the last glass on the table before him, lifted it up and glanced at his lover.

Barry got that as a permission to begin. Everyone was already holding their glasses. Well, everyone but Gideon, because she wasn’t like Bender from Futurama after all. That thought actually made him crack a small smile. Which proved to be a huge help. Because at least now, the smile on his face wasn’t forced anymore.

After he took a huge breath, he was ready to begin. “I can still remember the day when I came to STAR Labs for the first time. With perfect detail, actually. And I don’t even have an eidetic memory.”

The rest of his team chuckled slightly at that. Even Oliver had a smile on his face. Whether it was strained or not, Barry didn’t know, but he still reached for his hand and entangled their fingers as tightly as he dared. That was all the support he craved and needed. With that standing firmly was once again easier.

“It’s probably because it means so much to me even today. I remember that I was so excited to see how it really looked inside, all those inventions. It was like a dream coming true.”

And suddenly, his happy smile was removed by sorrow. But it was part of the plan to let it be shown. “It took me a long time to realize that nothing could possibly help me completely, nothing could mend that hole I felt inside after I lost Patty.”

Oliver gently squeezed Barry’s hand and the brunet lowered his head and smiled weakly at the ground in return. Talking was rapidly becoming harder with time just as the thought of collapsing seemed easier to him. But Oliver kept him focused and Barry was grateful for that to say the least. He wanted to fall into his arms so badly, but he still managed to resist the temptation in the end. He was starting to be pretty good at that or so it seemed.

“But then I met you, guys, and a lot of things changed,” he claimed with confidence he had no idea where he’d found, but happy beyond imagination that it was there. He formed a smile and of course everyone bought it. Why wouldn’t they? He’d been used to this kind of pretend back when he still hadn’t known Oliver.

“You gave me an actual purpose in life and even more. You made feel accepted, which was what I hadn’t felt for a long time. And now we’re here, for better or for worse.”

Right after that he glanced at Harry. Whether it was on purpose or completely unintentional he had no idea. Yet at the same time he could hardly care less in that moment. It seemed like Harry didn’t care about how his secrets could hurt someone anyway so why the hell should he care?

Because there was too much at stake. He knew that very well. And he wasn’t ready to lose any of that.

“I guess that none of us is exactly a family type. We all have our ups and downs when it comes to our families. But through all that, we managed to find each other,” he announced and formed a warm smile on his face. The accomplishment of the night for sure. “And I think that’s pretty amazing.”

He was rewarded right away with warm smiles on all fronts, even on Harry and Oliver’s faces. That was everything he needed to make sure he hadn’t messed up on this one, finally. No one would deserve that after all. Not even Harry would.

Oliver was the first person who lifted his glass to the air. The rest of his team followed the suit instantly. “Here’s to us!”

All glasses clinked and Barry could finally let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He could finally relax again.

Oliver leaned in and kissed the latter on the top of his head lovingly. He could hardly be prouder of him even though pain was still mercilessly pinching him from the inside. In the end, however, he refused to let it be shown.

The grateful smile he saw playing on Barry’s lips was enough to convince him it was a good decision. 

* * *

 

Later that night, when everyone had already gone home to sleep, Oliver and Barry were still wide awake, sitting by the dining table in their apartment with a bowl full of pasta placed right between them. With only one fork in reach, Oliver took it upon himself to feed the latter, however cheesy that might sound. By that time it was already past midnight so they had every right to be cheesy. And besides, Barry could hardly complain.

"Good?" Oliver questioned when Barry ate from his fork for the first time.

Barry couldn't help but exhale as the taste spread completely to all corners of his mouth. After everything he'd been through that day, the feeling was more than just liberating. "Delicious."

Oliver cocked his head to one side and let a slight smirk form on his face.

Barry noticed that right away and furrowed his eyebrows out of confusion in return. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just this is probably for the first time you actually complimented my cooking skills."

Barry blinked quickly a few times. "Really?"

Oliver's eyebrows slightly lifted. "Trust me, this information is something I would never make up."

A giggle managed to escape Barry's mouth in return. And even when it died out, the smug smile Oliver loved so much never left the brunet's face. "Fair enough. Seems like you managed to learn how to cook properly after all. It was a damn time."

Oliver scoffed and pursed his lips. "And just like that, the magic is gone." After that he once again lifted the fork with pasta and moved it towards Barry's mouth. However, right before Barry even opened his mouth, Oliver quickly pushed the fork to his mouth instead and just enjoyed the shocked look the latter was dedicating him.

"Hey!" Barry protested childishly without any trace of anger hidden within him. It was just clear amusement.

Oliver sighed and shot him an unimpressed glare. "Barry, I haven't eaten properly at all this week. Did you really think I was going to let you eat all the food I'd made in the first place?"

Barry couldn't help but chuckle at that. "What are we doing, Ollie? I mean it's way past midnight by now and we are still here, filling our bellies with pasta."

"I do recall, though, it's because you were hungry."

The corners of Barry's lips widened into a warm smile. "Yeah, I know. It's just interesting that you listened to me and actually troubled yourself with making a food for me."

Oliver's head lowered as he was relishing this beautiful moment. His heart fluttered and his lips quirked into a timid smile he simply couldn't shrug off. Having Barry here finally by his side still held a huge meaning for him. It was shuffling his thoughts so much that he almost forgot to hold back from saying those three magical words he'd craved to speak for so long. _It's no trouble when it's for the people I love._

But in the end, he just glanced at the table where Barry's hand peacefully lied, reached for it and squeezed it lovingly, locking their eyes once again. "Take it from someone who is perfectly capable of staying awake for days. Cooking for you and eating with you in the middle of a night? there's nothing I'd rather do."

Barry tightened his grip on Oliver's hand and let his cheeks blush at the warmth of the latter's words. "Good to know."

And then they continued eating the delicious meal in front of them until there was nothing left. However, Barry no longer had it in himself to say something. Not when his mind was once again flitting between Thea and what Harry had said. He wanted to tell his boyfriend so badly, but it wasn't like his willingness was making it all easier for him to open up. It had never been like making pasta for example. There was no recipe on how to confess to his worries and failures. No instruction on how to overcome his fear. It was just him and his flippant mind. And that was what he hated most about it.

Even when they were sitting on the couch, entwined in each other's arms, it didn't get any easier. Barry was still aimlessly staring anywhere but at his lover, trying so hard to finally open his mouth. With no success and definitely no progress.

He was more than lucky that Oliver couldn't bear that silence any longer and decided to break it in the end. "What's wrong?"

Barry had to blink a few times to completely escape his trance. Part of him wasn't entirely sure whether he'd really heard Oliver speak up, but he could hardly care by now. Falling back to that trance was something he definitely didn't want to do again.

"It's just that... there's too many thoughts on my mind right now," he replied and sighed, but retained his position as his head was pressed against Oliver's chest, only partly listening to his steady heartbeat.

Oliver relinquished a breath of his own. There was so much he wanted to ask, but at the same time, it was against his nature to push the latter into something he didn't want to do. He'd been tied up by his fear from opening up far too many times by now himself. Even now it was something that just couldn't be simply stamped out no matter how hard he wanted it to. And although it hurt that something like that was not getting any easier for them, he was still willing to give Barry all the time he needed.

And much to his surprise, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless, the latter didn't need that much of it anymore.

"I guess I learned that your sister is as stubborn as you the hard way," Barry sorrowfully confessed, his voice barely above whisper. He knew he felt beyond pathetic by now, but was there even any other way to feel? There wasn't. His foolish and gullible hopes had made sure there was none.

Oliver kept his gaze firm on the man in his grasp, but his look was genuine and gentle, nowhere near judgmental. He'd never wanted to hold any grudge against the brunet because of this and he definitely wasn't going to now either. Yet before he could say that to him, Barry swiftly cut him off.

"Before you say anything, I admit that going to Starling City to convince Thea to meet with you was a naive idea to say the least."

Oliver loosened his grip as Barry returned back to the sitting position and locked their eyes finally. He didn't dare to break that silence now.

And Barry took that as a sign to continue. "I mean, I just met her a few days ago. She barely knew me and I still expected her to listen to my every word and to trust me. How foolish is that?"

"It might be foolish, but at the same time, it is one of the most generous things anyone has ever done for me and that means something," Oliver assured him softly and placed his hand over Barry's.

However, Barry rebuffed the gesture and lifted the same hand to the air and started waving with it, frustrated. "You say that now, but the truth is she's not here. The fact she didn't come here with me makes my stay in Starling City pointless. Because you see, I had naive hopes that I could convince her to come, I admit that, but I won't hide that I actually believed in them until the very end. But for what? For nothing. I failed you and I'm sorry for that, Oliver."

Oliver watched as the man next to him hugged himself timidly and how his head dropped in embarrassment. A sight like that made it all even harder for Oliver to resist the temptation to hug him with all his strength. But at the same time, he was fully aware of how fragile Barry was. If his actions were only meant to break the brunet down completely, he would never forgive himself for that. So he didn't move even an inch closer to Barry, no matter how much the distance between them was killing him.

"I wouldn't call it all a failure," he pointed out and shrugged.

Barry lifted his head right away and narrowed his eyes at him. "What?"

"I could finally talk to her and tell her how I felt. All thanks to you."

Barry pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair before connecting his eyes with Oliver's blue ones. "Was it that obvious right from the start?"

A small smirk formed on Oliver's face in return. "You could say that, because I don't actually think cell phones are that good in reading fingerprints, especially when the person is just holding the phone. You might've taught Gideon how to lie, but that doesn't mean she was going to be good at it."

However, Barry didn't reciprocate the smile. He couldn't with all that remorse and guilt tearing him apart. "I'm sorry for all of that too. I tricked you into talking with her, because I didn't think of the consequences and of how it might hurt. You said it yourself that you weren't ready and I still made you go through that. I really have no idea what I was thinking."

Oliver could hardly take it anymore. Seeing his lover hurting so much was causing him even bigger pain. Especially when he knew he could stop it somehow. So he pushed all his boundaries behind and got down on the ground right in front of Barry. With the way his head was constantly lowered, Oliver believed that was the only way the latter would actually look at him. He was right. The results were instant.

"Barry, listen to me," he commanded softly, locked their eyes and kept that contact firm. Seeing them fluttering with tears felt like a dagger stabbing his back. "There is something I have to tell you. I wasn't exactly honest with you, because I didn't want to ruin tonight, but… You remember the promise I gave you right before you left for Starling?"

Barry stayed quiet and only nodded in return.

"I admit that those few days weren’t exactly a walk through park for me. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat either and it wasn't just because of that presentation. Right after you left, I... started having nightmares again."

Barry's sorrowful look instantly morphed into a horrified one and the sudden worry followed shortly after. Just as more guilt did. He caused that. If he hadn't left, no nightmares would bother Oliver. Or was it yet another foolish thing he was naively trying to believe in?

Oliver noticed how absentminded his lover suddenly was and so he gently placed his hand over Barry's one once again. And although the brunet flinched slightly at the contact, he didn't shrug him off. That was a good sign.

"The night I shared that phone call with Thea was the night I almost lost it. I woke up in STAR Labs, but I still felt trapped inside that nightmare. I don't care that it doesn't make any sense, it felt real to me and I couldn't stop it."

Talking about it even now was nothing pleasant for him, but at the same time he remembered how Gideon had begged him not to keep it a secret from Barry. She was right and that was why Oliver couldn't stop no matter how hard it was for him.

"Gideon tried to make me come back to my senses, but in the end, I could barely hear her. The noise in my head was just too much for me to take. And all those images of that nightmare too. Then I somehow found myself holding a scalpel in my hand with this voice stuck inside my head, telling me to use it."

Barry was shivering slightly by now with clear worry written all over his face. And he hated himself more with each passing second. But he still needed to hear the whole story. No matter what. "What happened then?"

Oliver slightly squeezed his hand to soothe him gently. "I didn't use it. Because Gideon played me the call you'd shared with her earlier that day. It made all those horrible images disappear and actually made it all quiet in my head too. And before I knew it, the scalpel was no longer in my hand. I dropped it. You managed to get through to me. And you weren't even there. Your voice was all that was needed for me to come back to my senses."

Barry couldn't help but scoff at that and close his eyes. "Does it even matter when I was the reason you felt this way in the first place?"

"There are always going to be moments in our lives when we will be separated for some time, Barr. We can't change that. And when it comes to nightmares, they've always been a problem. They've been coming and going and I stopped believing they would disappear for good a long time ago. So it's not on you, Barry. I could never blame you for my problems. Especially when I'm so grateful you did go to Starling in the end."

Barry's eyes snapped open and all he could do was just stare confusedly at the man before him. "Grateful? For what?"

Oliver's look only softened after that. "Ever since I saw Speedy for the last time, I've had so much to say to her. She would've never heard any of that if it weren’t for you. I admit that I wasn't exactly thrilled by how you'd tricked me into it, but in the end, I was grateful. I still am. Because she could finally hear how I felt. And that's good enough for me." _For now_.

But Barry couldn't believe it was that simple. That Oliver didn't hold any grudge against him. He didn't deserve that kindness. Especially not when he felt so damn useless. Maybe he was exaggerating with this, but it was hard to let go, when the only way he'd imagined this would go was with Thea there with them. But she wasn't there. He'd failed. And that just... hurt so damn much.

So in the end he just shook his head and shot the man before him an unbelieving stare. "Do you really think all that trumps the pain, which the nightmare caused you?"

And without any hesitation, any sham either, Oliver smiled warmly at him and rubbed the back of his sweaty hand gently. "I don't just think that. I know it."

"Why? How can you be so sure about it?"

Suddenly, all Oliver could see were all those things Barry was doing to him every day. How he would light up every time Barry came near him. How his mind would always wander off to the brunet even when he was supposed to be working. And how the latter would always try to cheer him up even a little bit when Oliver was feeling down. And how quickly Oliver would stop brooding because the fact Barry was trying so hard would be enough to warm him from inside and to show him how much he indeed meant to him. There was really no greater feeling than that.

And when he tried to relive how he'd felt earlier that day when he'd seen his lover for the first time after few days, he realized those beautiful feelings hadn't faded or lost their strength. They were as powerful as before, turning his whole world into a blur while Barry was the only thing he could see clearly. He could hardly care, though, because of all things he could see, Barry was the most special thing of them all. He could make him feel what no one else could. Nobody had ever had more tremendous power over him before and if it were actually someone else, he would be worried, but with Barry, there was no reason to worry. There was no reason to look anywhere else.

And when he realized this, there was only one good answer he could think of. He would lie if he'd said he wasn't scared, because he was terrified of saying it out loud, but at the same time he'd never been more sure of anything. Science be damned.

He squeezed Barry's hand gently once again to force him to look right into his eyes. And as he listened to the sound of his heartbeat echoing loudly in his head, he took a breath and pushed all that noise to the back of his head. "Because I love you, Barr. With all my heart. And that trumps the pain every time."

Barry could feel how his heart fluttered and skipped a beat right after that, even though for him it felt like everything around him and inside him as well stopped at once. His whole world faded as he just stared at the man before him, more wonderstruck than ever before. And as he was replaying Oliver's words over and over again in his head, the meaning behind them had never lost their strength. Not even a little inch of it.

It'd been long since he'd entered Oliver's life. And he'd spent all those months hating him, finding his way to him, falling in love with him and eventually realizing he would never want to live his life without his lover in it anymore, but he'd never, not even in his dreams, imagined that Oliver would be the first one to say it out loud. To claim those three beautiful words, which were far too simple to express how they felt about one another, but he still couldn't help it. Because he wasn't going to lie, hearing them from the man right in front of him was actually the greatest feeling by far.

And now he just felt so ridiculous because he'd been scared of those words for far too long. He knew Oliver had been too. They were the same in this, because they'd been both damaged by love and that hadn't gone without consequences.

And he could still remember when saying those words had felt so easy when Patty had been with him. How life had spat them out on his face when he'd needed their support the most. And especially how the real pain had started only after he'd lost her.

Now he was here, only silently laughing at himself, because back then he would never believe those words would find a way to him once again. But now they had. And as touching and heartwarming as it was to hear them for the first time, Barry was more than completely confident that he didn't want to hear them with such meaning behind them from anyone else anymore. Only Oliver. Because yes, the words could lose their worth very quickly, but the emotion, passion or love couldn't. At least not the one he held for Oliver. He finally knew that now.

And although he craved to say them out loud, to scream them even for the whole world to hear, he was speechless, but at the same time he wasn't blind. And when he saw how Oliver's already small confidence was shrinking and panic grouping, he had to do at least something. He owed him that at least.

And so he leaned forward and connected their lips in a slow, passionate kiss. It wasn't the best way how to save this situation, but Barry's common sense was really locked away from him, as annoying as that might be.

When he felt the tension in Oliver fading and the man in front of him finally relaxed and immersed himself in the kiss, a sudden thought flickered through his mind. What if this was all just a dream? What if this hadn't happened at all for real? The thought itself was pinching him unpleasantly, because deep down he knew that his life could be that cruel. Today, tomorrow, it didn't really matter, because he would believe it and wouldn't even question it so much if it really had been merely a dream.

But it wasn't. He was completely sure of it. Why? It was simple. None of his dreams had ever been this perfect and beautiful. Throughout his whole life, he'd managed to have only three types of dreams - his own memories replaying in his head once again, random images creating a peculiar story or nightmares. And this here was neither one of his memories, nor was it peculiar in any way and it definitely wasn't a nightmare. Was it really such a crime to hope this was finally reality? Maybe. But he could hardly care less at that moment. Especially when he felt how Oliver smiled into the kiss.

And then it was really easy to follow the suit and push all those doubts to the back part of his head. Exactly where they belonged.

Soon after that, they both headed to their bed. However, neither of them was close to falling asleep just yet. They were just lying there entwined in each other's arms, talking about anything that came to their minds. Time was quickly slipping away and yet they both believed they could stay like this forever without minding it at all. But eventually the fatigue had caught up with them much to their reluctance and they could no longer keep their eyes open.

Barry rolled onto his left side and Oliver wrapped his right arm around the brunet's waist without any hesitation. He continued to absorb his lover's scent lovingly and as silently as was possible.

And maybe, just maybe, Barry indeed managed to whisper "I love you too," into the darkness after few minutes passed. Actually, it wasn't just maybe. This time it was definitely.

And Oliver in fact heard him that night and kissed his head gently in return. Warm smiles were cast onto their faces and not even nightmares made them leave after that. 

* * *

 

Barry woke up first. His eyelids slowly lifted and blinked a few times to shake out how tired they still were. He tried to move and was slightly taken aback when he realized he was still a victim of Oliver's strong grip. But the gesture itself left him smiling and the whole getting-up process got instantly harder for him.

He listened to Oliver's regular breathing, relishing the warmth that radiated from the man next to him. It was funny that he could spend so much time just lying there without any problem. He was really lucky, because the man next to him loved him. As truly and as passionately as was possible. That was a victory right there.

However, eventually, he'd managed to force himself to finally get up. He gently lifted Oliver's arm from his waist and placed it on the bed. When he silently stood up and made sure the blond was still beautifully asleep, a smug smile formed on his face. Which instantly morphed into a quiet chuckle when he reached for his phone and found out that it was almost twelve o'clock. Whether that was what woke up his lover or whether Oliver had already been awake he'd never found out.

"Going somewhere?" Oliver asked, opened his eyes and smirked. There was no way he would let Barry sneak out so easily.

Barry couldn't help but smile instantly as he turned around to face his shirtless boyfriend. Was it even possible that he looked even more handsome although he was freshly woken up? Obviously and Barry hated him for it. Although he secretly believed the other man felt the same way when it came to him.

"Hey there," he softly murmured and crouched beside the bed. “I was just thinking about making you breakfast since you’ve cooked for me so many times already. Although your pancakes are hard to trump, I think I should give it a try.”

Oliver’s eyebrows lifted in slight amusement. “You sure? Because I do recall you weren’t that successful last time you tried making them.”

Barry rolled his eyes in return. “I admit that I have a lot to learn, but hey, practice makes perfect, right? It’s a good thing to try.”

 _Not if I have to eat the result of your tries,_ Oliver silently pointed out, but only smiled in return. He was secretly touched that Barry was so determined to do something for him even though it wasn’t needed. Oliver had never been good in receiving gifts or favors or anything on that matter. Some people would say that expressing their happiness is one of the easiest things on earth, but for Oliver it was as hard as expressing any other emotion. And unfortunately, that was something he couldn’t learn from anyone. Not even from Barry himself.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t express his happiness in any way. He had his ways. They were just different from normal people and much more difficult to spot or to understand.

He was just very lucky that Barry was one of the few people who could see them as clearly as their own hands.

“I might not know what time it is, but I’m pretty sure it’s already late for pancakes,” he remarked just to tease his lover, because it was still one of his favorite things to do.

Barry, however, dodged that without a problem. “Says the guy who had absolutely no problem with eating pasta in the middle of the night.”

Oliver chuckled at the sight of Barry’s pointed look. It was too adorable for him to handle. “Fair point, honey.”

Barry giggled in return and kissed his boyfriend on his cheek as he stood up. He knew far too well that Oliver was using the nickname just to tease him, but that definitely didn’t stop him from enjoying it every time. It would always create this warm feeling inside him whether he wanted it to or not. So there was really no reason for him to complain, was there?

“Glad we agree,” he smiled smugly and headed to the exit of the room.

Before he could leave completely, however, Olive remembered something else. “One more thing.”

Barry rolled his eyes and turned around once again to face him. “What?”

“We’re out of milk,” Oliver exclaimed as he returned to the sitting position. A slightly sheepish smile formed on his face afterwards. “Making groceries wasn’t exactly what’s been on my mind these past few days.”

And Barry couldn’t help but stiffen afterwards. He lowered his head and smiled weakly at the ground. He wasn’t trying to ignore slight changes in Oliver’s looks. That exhaustion hidden in his eyes, making them red instead of piercingly blue. Those dark circles clinging to them like their life depended on it. And even the fact Oliver had managed to lose some weight during those few days wasn’t kept from him either. Even with all its subtlety.

Then all of a sudden, Oliver was standing right in front of him. With a guilty and remorseful expression of his own. And instead of carrying on with this silence, he gripped Barry’s arm gently, forcing him to lift his head back up. Their eyes locked again and Oliver dedicated him a reassuring smile.

“But since I’m starving, I’m now more than just willing to go buy everything we need.”

Barry managed to crack a smile at that. Even though his worries would still hardly leave him be completely. But Oliver was trying to reclaim some normal and maybe to even prove that it was all going to be okay from now on. And that meant something. Barry desperately wanted to believe that it was going to be okay from now on. Reclaiming the normal was probably the best way how to accomplish that. That convinced him to try to. Even with baby steps.

“How about you let me handle all of that for today? I’m trying to do something nice for you here so you better stop ruining it,” Barry shot back with a smirk and cocked his head to one side in a teasing way.

 _You’ve already done more than enough,_ Oliver inwardly pointed out, but smiled at the sight of his loving boyfriend regardless. Before he knew it, he was shaking his head in surrender. If Barry was really that determined, who was he to stop him? “Okay, but hurry up.”

Barry licked his lips triumphantly and gave Oliver a peck on his own. “Always.” And after he put some clothes on and left the apartment, Oliver headed towards the bathroom to take a shower, which didn’t even take him ten minutes.

However, right after he got dressed, the sound of his doorbell found a way to his ears, which left him puzzled. He knew very well that it couldn’t be Barry, because to his credit, there was no way he would forget his keys or even manage to come back so soon. There was no way his boyfriend was that clumsy and also that fast at the same time. So who was it?

Even if Oliver had all the time on earth to figure that out, he wouldn’t. Not even his perfect brain could help him with it when the hope itself was so small. And yet it still happened.

He opened the door and saw a young woman behind them. At first she seemed like a complete stranger to him, but that changed radically as soon as their eyes locked. That shade of green was far too familiar even after all these years. He would recognize it anywhere. And with that he began to notice other details as well. Her nose, that slight birthmark on her right cheek. It was all there even though the time itself had made sure she would lose most of her childlike features.

Yet nothing could change her so much that Oliver wouldn’t recognize her. He’d kept the image of her firmly in his mind all these years and now she was here for real. As beautiful as he’d always believed she would be.

And this time it was her who broke that silence first. “Ollie?”

It was timid, slightly stuttered and barely audible yet still there for Oliver to hear. And above anything else, it made him feel more broken than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I’m really late, I hope you had marvelous holidays :) and I’m sorry again that it took me so much time to post this chapter. Have a splendid year 2018 everyone! And feel free to leave a comment as always!


	34. It's coming to get you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry knew that something bad would happen today. He could feel it in the air the second he'd woken up. And maybe he should've expected that this day would come sooner or later, but he still couldn't have brought himself to do it in any way. The reason was quite simple - he'd just naively hoped they would never meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! God, I’m such a liar XD. It’s been once again over two months since my last update and that’s just… simply terrible. I’m really sorry for taking so much time. It’s just been hectic with school and everything. Thank you for all your patience. It means so much to me. And I actually have good news and bad news. The good news is that you remember that Major character warning that has been decorating this fic for some time, right? Yeah, well, that no longer applies to this story. And I really hope I won’t change it. No one will die in this story so if you have been worried, you can stop. I’m sorry for that. I didn’t want to trouble anyone on purpose. This story just keeps doing what it wants really. And the bad news is that you might start hating me from now on. I’m sure you’ll understand after reading this. But please enjoy this anyway. And have faith. In both me and this story.

Oliver felt like he was going to shatter into million pieces any second. A cold wave was sent through his spine, causing his pounding heart suddenly to stop. And everything around him froze at once.

"Speedy?” he murmured, barely above a whisper with tears stuck behind his stoic façade. Yet for now, they remained hidden. Not because he would be ashamed to cry. He just didn’t have the slightest idea what those tears would mean. Were they tears of sorrow, relief, happiness or guilt? Or all at once? He couldn’t be sure of that. Therefore, he didn’t have any reason to cry just yet. Not when the future remained so blank.

However, he was sure of one thing – words, any kind on that matter, suddenly felt much harder to find. His voice felt too weak and he couldn’t hate himself more for how vulnerable he felt. So he just stood aside and let her in without saying any word. A huge stone fell off of him when Thea hesitated ever so shortly and entered inside. Yet the weight on his shoulders still seemed to be too overwhelming and powerful for him to carry. Thea used to be the only person he’d trusted. Now it couldn’t be more obvious how, in fact, he was afraid of her. How pathetic. Why couldn’t that weight on his shoulders simply disappear?

“Speedy,” Thea whispered softly and pursed her lips in wonder. “You remember.” Of course, he did. Forgetting, even the slightest details, was simply beyond his capabilities. It had taken her a lot of time to understand what exactly that meant. But now when she did, she wasn't really sure whether it annoyed her or she was just jealous.

Oliver chuckled slightly. Somehow, that one simple sentence had made him feel a little better. “And you still forget about my memory just to annoy me on purpose.”

“Wrong,” Thea bluntly protested and let corners of her mouth quirk into a slight smirk. “I just simply ignore it, because I know you have other traits that matter more.”

A sheepish smile was cast on Oliver’s face after hearing those words, yet the chance to completely relax still hadn’t appeared. The tension between them was still more than just apparent just by single look at them.

Because whether Oliver liked it or not, Thea was a stranger to him. Somebody he used to know. But now she was a completely different person. He knew her name and remembered her facial features, but that was it. What was inside stayed hidden from him.

He wanted to hug her but knew he couldn’t. She would probably pull away even before the tips of his fingers would touch her and that was the last thing he wanted. He might’ve been scared of her. That was something he could live with, but forcing her to be scared of him, even if not on purpose, was a completely different thing. And he would rather die than see that happening. This was what differentiated her from other strangers this planet was full of. He simply cared too much, even though he knew too little.

And unfortunately, seeing her now proved to be more excruciating than it was soothing. Because only now it really dawned on him how much he’d indeed missed from her life. How much had his own foolish fear forced him to ignore for the “greater good”. _Greater good my ass_ , he silently pointed out and sighed. Why was it considered the greater good, when his stupid decisions had made them both broken beyond repair? Because she was just as damaged as he was. That much was clear to him, but the rest… remained blank.

And where words used to be, the silence was now ruling, where smiling had seemed more natural than anything else, now eyes could only stare at the ground. And the longer his body kept trembling, the more easily the memories of their shared happiness seemed to fade.

Because she was there and he finally knew everything he’d dared only to guess before. But with this constant fear, he still couldn’t reach her. Although she was right in front of him. He just couldn’t. Which was why he had no idea whether her presence here was a good thing or not.

“You should know,” Thea suddenly broke the silence as firmly as she’d dared, even though she was fully aware of how fragile her voice had sounded. She no longer cared. “that I’m not like you, okay? I can’t remember every slight detail about you.”

“I know,” Oliver interjected, still unable to look her in the eyes.

Thea, however, didn't dare to look anywhere else, even though she could already feel tears grouping in her eyes. It was only matter of seconds before they would get her. “Do you? Do you really? Because you always remember, no matter what.”

“Those things I remember about you are of no use to me. You’re a completely different person now.”

“But at least it’s something! It’s far more than what I have!” Thea shouted with all her strength and pressed her eyelids shut, setting the first pair of tears free. And as she kept standing there in front of someone who used to be her brother, trembling more and more with each running second, tears kept streaming down her face like an unstoppable force. She’d never felt more trapped in her life than in that exact moment.

“I almost forgot you,” she sobbed and timidly hugged herself. “I wanted to forget you!”

And Oliver tried. He really tried to give her an answer. Any kind, to be honest. Just… something. But words once again failed to come to him. Or he simply failed to find them. Either way, the results remained the same. His gaze was still flitting from one place to another, just not to Thea. He shifted his weight to stabilize himself. It did little to help. On the contrary, it made everything even worse.

Because that one simple movement combined with the utter silence that followed was all that was needed for Thea to lose it completely.

She charged at him with all her strength and started punching him everywhere she could reach, not caring at all about how her fists were turning red in pain. And with everything that remained within her, she screamed right into his face: “You promised! You promised you would stay with me whatever happened!”

Oliver only partly tried to dodge her strikes, because deep inside, he knew he deserved every one of them. They hurt him much more than the ones all those bullies had aimed at him before. And yet, he still couldn’t let a single groan or a scream of pain escape his mouth. Because physically, he could take them without a problem. But when it came to his mind… he felt weaker and weaker with each blow.

And Thea had far more strength than he’d ever guessed she would. “You left me and you never showed up again! Do you know how long I kept waiting and believing you would eventually find your way back to me? Do you have any idea how many nights I tried to sneak out of my home just to go find you?”

“No,” Oliver firmly claimed and finally got hold of both her hands and stopped her from striking any more blows. Even when she tried to break free, he kept his grasp tight. “I don’t know. But do you know how hard it was for me to let you go even though you were all I had left? I remembered more from your life than you ever have and I still couldn’t be there to see the rest of it. But I already told you, if I could go back in time and change what I’d done… I wouldn’t. I still stand by my actions.”

“That’s right. Because you’re still as selfish as you’ve always been,” Thea snapped bitterly and finally pulled her hands out of Oliver’s grasp.

“Can’t you see that we’ve both suffered enough? Don’t you want to put an end to it?” Oliver asked and moved his arms slightly forward. That was a huge mistake because instead of giving him any kind of answer, Thea slapped him on his left cheek so strongly he almost lost his balance and fell.

He took a few steps back to stabilize himself and touched his reddened cheek with the tips of his fingers. The sharp pain he was feeling was definitely something he would remember forever.

Thea crossed arms over her chest and glared at him in the worst way there ever was. “At least now you know how it hurt me.”

And he indeed knew that now. But it wasn’t just about how the slap felt, but how the other things that accompanied it felt too. How it felt to keep trying to talk sense to someone who had been already decided. How it felt to be pushed back by someone who was supposed to love him forever, who he wanted to trust so desperately no matter what. Experiencing these feelings brought him nothing more than yet another scar to his already damaged heart.

But before he could put any of it into words, the door of his apartment once again opened and revealed no one else but Barry behind them, holding a bag of groceries firmly to his chest. His eyes widened as soon as he spotted her, but at the same time, he could hardly care less. Because in a flash of second, his gaze flew over to Oliver and especially to the red mark he had on his left cheek. Thea must’ve slapped him. That much was far more than just obvious. And when he noticed how the latter was trembling, he really couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.

He set the groceries aside and marched right to him with concern written all over his face. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Oliver stopped his hands from examining him more thoroughly. That was the last thing he needed right now. So he just got hold of them, as gently as possible, and entwined their fingers. That was the kind of support he craved right now the most. “Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry.”

But Barry was no longer looking at him. He followed his gaze and found out that Thea had already left without either of them noticing. He could only sigh at that.

Because yes, on the one hand, he felt like shit, like this couldn’t have possibly gone more wrong, like he screwed up more than he already had so far. But on the other hand, he couldn’t ignore the details. That was never his style. And the truth was that Thea had come here. To Central City, which was six hundred miles away from Starling City. She couldn’t have possibly come here just for this, could she?

Maybe this was just what she’d needed. To show him how much he’d hurt her and maybe see whether he’d been affected too. If that was the case, he really couldn’t blame her nor hold any grudge against her. When all those tragedies occurred, she’d been younger than him. And she’d always been emotional as a child. Comparing to him anyway. Maybe that was one of the things that hadn’t changed about her for what it was worth.

Or maybe she really hated him and she wanted nothing more than to show it to him directly.

Either way, he couldn’t stay blind to the fact she’d come here in the end. That was something he’d wanted to do so many times but never really found the courage. But she had. It was only fair he would make the next step in mending their broken bond.

* * *

 

Even after those unexpected complications, Oliver still insisted on acting like nothing had happened much to Barry’s reluctance. The brunet offered him to take a day off in work, but Oliver Queen was having none of it. As stubborn as ever, or so Barry thought, but he didn’t dare to protest anymore. He knew his lover as much as was possible, which also meant that he knew that Oliver would talk to him about it properly when he felt ready. Thankfully, Barry was patient. He could wait for however long Oliver needed him to if the situation didn’t get any worse of course.

Unfortunately, the situation got much more complicated as soon as they entered STAR Labs. Thea wasn’t the only unexpected guest they were destined to see that day.

And Barry noticed him immediately. “Tommy?”

The dark-haired man had been talking with Felicity, but as soon as he heard his name being spoken, he turned around and cast a charming smile on his face when he spotted the brunet. “I told you we would meet soon, Barry Allen.”

“Yes, but it hasn’t been even two days since we last saw each other.”

“Well, Thea made up her mind quite quickly after you left. Then all we needed was just get on my father’s private jet and here we are.”

Barry’s eyes widened instantly as that one word caused his whole body to stiffen. “Your father? He’s here too?”

Tommy noticed his strange reaction and couldn’t help but frown slightly at that. “Yeah, he’s currently with Doctor Wells. He wanted to talk to him about something, but he didn’t tell me what.”

Barry sighed and slowly closed his eyes. Why did he have a feeling he knew exactly what they were talking about? Because it was crystal clear. That was why. And he fucking hated it.

From the corner of his eye he noticed that Felicity left the lab, then his gaze flew over to Oliver and everything clicked. He needed to leave too.

“I guess I should leave you two to catch up,” he announced and offered his lover a reassuring smile along with a gentle squeeze of the latter’s shoulder.

Oliver did his best to reciprocate the smile however strained it proved to be in the end. Then his gaze flew over to one and only Tommy Merlyn. His heartbeat once again escalated to measures so huge, he wasn’t sure he could bear for long. And that was already the second time that day and he still hadn’t even done anything so far. Something was telling him this was going to be a very long day much to his already huge despair.

“Mighty Oliver Queen. I admit that I never thought I would see you again,” Tommy claimed with a smile still ruling over his face. But it was no longer as confident as before. It was timid and most importantly, it was the perfect proof of the fact Tommy was just as lost and nervous as Oliver was. He, too, had no idea how to handle this situation and what words to use. He’d always been the more confident one from the two of them.  He'd always had something to say, no matter how stupid it might’ve been. Oliver had found it more annoying than actually useful, but not when it’d come to Tommy. To his best friend.

Now, however, even after all those years apart, after they’d lived the better part of their lives separated, Oliver still felt closer to him more than ever. Because suddenly, they were both equally scared, equally damaged and neither of them knew what to say. And for the first time in a while, Oliver had a temptation unlike any other he’d experienced throughout his whole life. The temptation to start laughing right there. But he’d decided to cherish it for now and give into it when he would be sure the man before him would give into it too.

“And I admit I thought you would grow up to be a trustafarian. Seems like we were both wrong,” Oliver pointed out and let the corners of his mouth quirk into a slight smirk.

Tommy couldn’t help but chuckle. “Ouch.” After that, he crossed arms over his chest, but the expression on his face couldn’t be farther from offended. “Glad to see you haven’t changed, Ollie.”

Oliver lifted both his eyebrows and cocked his head to one side in wonder. “You remember that much?”

“Not that much. I remember only bits and pieces, unfortunately. But it’s really hard to forget about your blatant honesty, that’s for sure,” Tommy clarified and smirked at the man before him who cracked a smile of his own right away. For Tommy, a sight like that was more than just satisfying.

But then he remembered the reason they were all there and his smile faded out rather too quickly to his liking. “That actually reminds me that Sara says hi and she’s very sorry for not coming here, but she had to stay at work. She gave us your address, though. Speedy rushed out with it before I could stop her. Have you already seen each other?”

Oliver bit his nether lip slightly and let his head lower in guilt. He wished more than anything else that this particular memory could be erased. But it had never been that simple. And this was his fault after all. It was only fair he would pay for it.

“Yeah, we have. But… it was more about punching me than actual talking.”

Tommy blinked a few times, astonished, and lifted both of his eyebrows. “She punched you?”

“Yup. Multiple times. So if you want to hit me today too, save it. I’ve already had enough of that,” Oliver pointed out and sighed, annoyed.

Tommy took some pity on him. He'd known this wasn’t going to be easy all along, but that still didn’t make it okay. Sometimes his little foster sister was really driving him mad, but then again that was what little sisters did, right?

Yet this was one of those moments he felt stuck. Under normal circumstances, he would pat Oliver’s shoulder and say something funny just to break the ice, but this was difficult even for him. He desperately wanted to help the relationship between those siblings blossom at least in some small way. But only now he could really see how difficult that might actually be for Thea, considering it was already hard enough for him.

So eventually, no physical contact had been made, nor any reply was given. But some words indeed managed to escape his mouth. “She needs time, Ollie. And she might not know that, but she still loves you and sees you as her brother. Because she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t.”

Oliver scoffed and shook his head. “We’ve been separated for fifteen years, Tommy. Time has been the only thing we had since then. And if she hates me even now, I really doubt more time can fix it.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” Tommy replied, lifted his hands innocently and shrugged. “I didn’t teach her to fight nor to be this stubborn.”

Oliver furrowed his eyebrows and crossed arms over his chest. “So that’s my fault too? Is there anything I haven't done wrong?”

Tommy managed to form a soft smile with only one intention - to encourage the latter as much as was needed. “I saw her growing up and now when I think about it, she was a lot like you. Even my father agrees with me. And she’s still a lot like you. People may change, but not that much. A small part of them tends to always stay the same.”

Oliver cocked his head to one side and furrowed his eyebrows, unimpressed. “You’re so sure about that, Detective?”

Tommy chuckled light-heartedly right away, but before he knew it his grin morphed into nothing more than just a weak smile as he shrugged. “Like I said people change. It's just my damn luck that my mother had to die for me to change."

“She’s the reason why you work for SCPD?”

Oliver had never been that kind of person who would say how sorry they were when someone had died. It wasn’t because he didn’t feel sorry for the people around him. On contrary, he knew exactly how they felt, which was why he knew that listening to other people’s condolences could never fix the damage or make the pain disappear. It was polite, that was for sure, but it had never made him feel better.

Harry and Tess had said that to him only a few times and they’d still managed to pull him out of his darkness more times than he could count. Just in a different way. There would always be words or gestures that could do that. And maybe for some people, words like “I’m sorry” were exactly that. But not for him.

And when it came to Tommy, Oliver no longer knew him that well to guess what words or gestures would help him. If they hadn’t been separated, knowing them and remembering them would be no trouble for him. But like this, he could only hope that one day, those words would find their way to him eventually. And if not, he'd still be grateful for this single moment. For seeing Tommy after all this time.

And for what it was worth, Tommy couldn’t be mad nor stunned by not getting words like that from the man before him. Because he knew very well that Oliver understood exactly what it was like. He would never pretend sorrow or pity because those two things were far too common for him. And that was enough for Tommy. Or at least for now anyway.

“You could say that," Tommy sighed and slightly lowered his head. "She always saw the best in me. The least I can do is prove her she was right at some point. If I can prevent people from losing their loved ones the way I lost her, I might stop being so restless. In the end, that’s probably the only way I can do her justice.”

“Think you can prevent me from losing Thea again?” Oliver asked and lifted one of his eyebrows. Or was it foolish of him to ask when Thea still wasn’t actually his loved one? He loved her with all his heart, but they were no longer close and although Oliver hated to admit that, they were now bound merely by blood and nothing else. Did he really have the right to seek help from Tommy, Thea’s real brother, after everything that had been done? His answer would be no without any hesitation.

But Tommy was different. He was better. And he’d always had that magic trick up his sleeve when he would simply put Oliver at ease no matter how stressed or tense he’d been. And he hadn’t lost that ability for what Oliver couldn’t be more grateful.

“I will definitely try,” Tommy promised and offered the latter a warm sincere smile.

The sight like that definitely made Oliver feel better. And after his reunion with Thea, he really needed that. Something good indeed had happened today after all and he was thankful for it. He just hoped it wouldn’t all go downhill from there. 

* * *

 

Harry knew that something bad would happen today. He could feel it in the air the second he'd woken up. And maybe he should've expected that this day would come sooner or later, but he still couldn't have brought himself to do it in any way. The reason was quite simple - he'd just naively hoped they would never meet again.

However, the second he heard the footsteps down the hallway coming closer and closer to him, he was proven wrong.

After all this time he could still recall how his steps sounded like. Such thought disgusted him beyond imagination. But there was also a different type of feeling that was boiling inside him. However, he couldn't exactly put a finger on it no matter how hard he tried. He just knew it was some kind of a mixture of anger, annoyance and... he would hardly admit it, but the most essential of them was definitely fear. Now it was just a matter of time before he would find out which one of those emotions would win over him completely in the end.

"Harrison Wells," he heard a male voice come to the surface. Just like the footsteps, he would recognize it anywhere. Not even time or large distance could probably help him to forget even though he wished it so much. And yet, that was a small punishment. He deserved much worse for what he'd done. "It's been a while."

Harry couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. However, as he slowly turned toward the visitor, he could hardly hide how stunned the sight of the man left him. The time had really taken its toll on him, just as it had taken on Harry as well. And even though he could already spot some gray hair on the brunet's head and wrinkles obviously weren't an unknown aspect to him, Harry could still see his former best friend. And that was what hurt the most about it.

He could recall the time Malcolm's eyes wouldn't have looked at him any other way than just with kindness. Now they were harsh and cold. Just like the minute everything had gone to hell with their friendship.

And the smile on Malcolm's face was as venomous as ever. So at least some things had stayed the same.

"Not for me," Harry replied bluntly and crossed arms over his chest.

Malcolm furrowed his eyebrows unbelievingly. “Don’t tell me that throughout all these years there hasn’t been even a single time when you missed me. That's just too cold. Even for you."

Harry scoffed and shook his head. The last inches of his patience, which was the only thing holding him back from losing it completely, were radically slipping from his reach. He'd always suspected that he would meet people that wouldn't be to his tastes. It was normal and inevitable. But never in his life had he imagined that he would fully despise someone as strongly as he did Malcolm. All these years, every time he'd tried to think about it, he'd wanted nothing more than to imagine that if they had been destined to meet one day again, the good memories would've overpowered the bad ones. As naively as that might sound, he had wished this. Even after all that had happened. But now, it was clear where the two of them stood.

The hate he'd held for someone he'd used to call his best friend all these years hadn't lost even an inch of its strength. Instead of that, it had merged with everything he held dear to his heart and made him swear to do anything to protect it from the man before him.

"Funny, coming from you."

"Harry...," Malcolm murmured and made one step forward.

Harry recoiled instinctively and glared at him in the cruelest way possible. "Don't you dare to come any closer."

Malcolm stopped moving right away and sighed. Even that, however, caused Harry to roll his eyes. Suddenly everything felt like a sham and nothing seemed to be true. And Harry felt more intimidated by that than ever before. For him, it wasn't difficult not to let emotions cloud his better judgment. But Malcolm made it difficult which was a rare thing for him. Rare things could either cause you excitement or dismay and Harry was definitely terrified.

“I didn’t come here to fight,” Malcolm calmly claimed and kept their eye contact still.

Harry was determined not to be the one breaking it now more than ever. He couldn’t show how weak he was because he knew very well that Malcolm would only use that to his advantage. But that still didn’t stop him from scoffing at that sentence again. However, this time he stayed quiet. He just crossed arms over his chest and shifted his weight. Slight satisfaction definitely struck him as soon as he saw how his silence was making the other one only more uneasy. Just like all those years ago, Malcolm still hated when Harry was doing it. Maybe he was an open book for him at some point too. Or maybe it was a part of his sham. How the fuck could Harry know which?

“She’s not here, you know. She doesn’t have access to this place,” he eventually stated coldly completely ignoring what Malcolm had said but remembering it nonetheless. After all, this had been bugging both of their minds right from the start. Harry had every right to address it.

A small part of him hoped Malcolm’s true side would eventually uncover itself, but no such thing happened, unfortunately. Harry hated him even more for that. What a great actor he’d become after all this time. It was truly astonishing. But the only emotion it was creating in Harry was this incredible temptation to vomit. With each second it was getting harder to hold it back.

“That’s not why I’ve come here either.”

Harry waved his hand and shook his head in disbelief. Why did this have to be so tiresome and painful? After all these years he thought he’d already made peace with that. Obviously, he was wrong. “Then, by all means, enlighten me."

“You know I love Thea with my all heart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, especially if I want her to be happy. Barry reminded me that can't happen without Oliver in her life."

"Is that so? And where, the hell, have you been for the past 15 years? Where were you when I tried to reach out to you because I wanted Oliver to feel better? He would cry all night and you knew that! Don't try to deny it! You have no right to be here after all those times you pushed me away. So do yourself a favor and just get the hell out of this city," Harry growled and jabbed his finger against Malcolm's chest.

Yet Malcolm didn't seem to be intimidated by that at all. He just narrowed his eyes, cleared his throat and crossed arms over his chest. And what was most important, he kept his posture strong. No matter how much Harry hated him for it. "That would just suit you, wouldn't it?  After all, it's easier to make me the bad guy here. Oliver must have no idea what you really did. Probably none of those people here know. That's hardly surprising. Secrets have always been your forte."

“And yours have always been deceiving and lies. You come here and say you want to bury the hatchet. Doesn’t seem to me like you really mean it.”

“You know what’s always been your problem, Harry? You see everyone around you as an enemy. Even your so-called best friend. Your secrets, your pride are what got you into this shit. And for what? For your own selfishness?”

Harry’s face suddenly reddened in anger. “You know very well it wasn’t just about that.”

Malcolm pursed his lips and shook his head with his finger pointing right at Harry's face. "You see that's where you're completely wrong. Because if you really were not to blame, not even in the slightest, you would've told him the truth by now. But you haven't. It's just another secret. Don't you think he's already had enough of pain in his life?"

Harry stayed silent after that. He slowly turned around and ran a hand through his hair. After a few weak steps forward, he leaned on the lab table before him like his life depended on it. Maybe it really did. However foolish that might actually sound. Because when he thought about it, many things could've been different if it hadn't been for him. If he'd decided to take a different path. He hadn't. Because even with the guilt dragging after him throughout all these years, part of him still held no regrets, no remorse, no need to come back to that moment and rectify his actions.

The other part hated him for it. Held him back from confessing in front of Oliver. Because he knew perfectly how much damage it would do. And if there was even a tiny little chance he could prevent Oliver from getting even more hurt, he was going to take it no matter the cost. Because right now, Oliver was happy. As much as Harry had always wished to see him. Was he really to blame if he didn't have the heart to destroy that happiness?

"And what about Barry? Do you know what really happened to him during the night his mother died?" Malcolm broke the silence suddenly.

Harry stiffened even more after that. But he wasn't really surprised that Malcolm knew information as precious as this one. It wouldn't be him if he didn't have any sort of advantage. Luckily, Harry still knew him that well. "I'm aware."

"And you're okay with that?" Malcolm asked, surprised, and cocked his head to one side. "Don't tell me you actually believe him."

Harry sighed and finally turned around to face him, crossing arms over his chest in the process. "Would that be such a bad thing? Our carriers are all about believing in the possible. And what are a man shaping into a blur inside a house and an eleven-year-old finding himself 20 blocks away from the same house in a second if not impossible?"

Malcolm scoffed and put his hands into his pockets. Harry desperately hoped that meant he was going to leave soon. "Whatever. But tell me, does Oliver know? What does he think about that?"

Harry cocked his head to one side and glared at the man before him. "And how is that your business?" Harry knew very well that this information was unknown to Oliver. Back then, when the newspapers were full of this, Oliver had been going through his own drama. He'd been too young and too damaged to care back then. Harry alone had found out right away, but Joe had told him the details only after they'd become friends. But Oliver wanted to find out about it from Barry and no one else. Or at least that was Harry's guess, just as he suspected, although however reluctantly, that Barry hadn't found the courage to talk about it yet. Either way, Malcolm was the last person who needed to know about that.

At the same time, however, Malcolm knew Harry. And that simple sentence was exactly what he needed to know the answer. But no triumphant smile found its way onto his face. He kept his look cold and just nodded uncaringly. It was right that way. "Fair point. I'm just worried. I'm sure you can understand that."

Harry no longer had any words to say to that. There was no point. His opinions weren't gonna change so soon. Not without Malcolm proving him, he was worthy of second chances. There was no reason to believe those words in any way again. Not after everything that had scarred what they used to call friendship.

"I don't plan on telling him," Malcolm claimed and took a few steps towards the door, keeping his eyes at Harry the whole time. "You should have the honor."

Harry slowly blinked and glared at him shamelessly. But he still kept his mouth shut.

But then, Malcolm opened the door and caused Harry's heart to skip a beat. If he'd blinked or just turned his head elsewhere, he would for sure miss him. The way he'd disappeared was just too quiet and too quick. Like he hadn't done it for the first time at all.

"Barry? Barry, wait!" Harry shouted at him and marched forward. Thankfully, he managed to spot where Barry had gone, but before he would follow, his eyes once again landed on Malcolm. For the last time. Finally.

The dark-haired man lifted both of his hands innocently. "I swear that I have no idea he was there."

But Harry no longer cared whether that was true or not. He just furrowed his eyebrows and waved him off. "Oh, just shut up, Malcolm. You've already ruined enough, so just listen to me for once."

He took a step forward and glanced right into Malcolm's cold eyes. Not even an inch of guilt could be seen there. What a shock. "If you really want Oliver and Thea to mend their relationship, then by all means, feel free to do it. But you and I, we are done! We have been for a long time, actually. You better remember that next time you decide to reach out. So just stay out of my sight. For both of our sakes."

After that, he marched out of his office and followed the same path Barry had taken through the hallway. Desperately hoping that there was some way how to fix this. 

* * *

 

Barry rushed out at high speed without turning back. Not a single time. Instead of that, he focused all his attention on forgetting what just happened. Needless to say, it was hardly working. All those words were just too much for him to take. Maybe that was why eavesdropping, in general, was a bad thing. Then why was he doing it all the time when all it was causing was just more pain? He hadn't been supposed to hear those words, but now there was no running away from them. It didn't matter where he was heading, they would always follow and make him feel terrible in the end.

But he wasn't going to cry. He couldn't when there was no valid reason for that. Just his guilt tearing him mercilessly apart. That wasn't anything new. Perhaps that was the most excruciating thing about it. It wasn't anything new. He'd just forgotten about it even though he'd promised he never would.

He hadn't actually realized when exactly he'd exited the building. That fact wasn't important enough to stop him. But surprisingly, Harry's voice was.

"Barry, wait! Stop!"Harry called after him and did everything in his power to catch up with him.

Barry stopped moving almost right away, but he refused to turn around to face him. Why was it always harder to hold back tears in presence of others? And why was there always more tears when words were actually what he craved the most?

"I'm fine, I just needed some air," he lied and gulped. It made no difference, but still, he'd had to try. "Just go back. I'll catch up."

"You know I can't do that."

Barry sighed, slowly blinked and finally turned around. His face reddened, but at this point, he wasn't one hundred percent sure whether it was because of those tears begging him to set them free or because of sudden rage Harry's words had caused him. No consolation or peace, but merely rage. "You can't do that why, exactly? Because you worry that I might say anything about your little secret? If that's the case, then you can walk away freely. I don't actually have so much to babble about when I know so little."

"It's not about that," Harry denied and waved his hand firmly just to indicate the truth behind those words.

For Barry, however, that held minimal meaning. “What? You're trying to tell me you suddenly care? With all those secrets, that's really hard to believe."

Harry slowly closed his eyes and lowered his head. He cared too much. That had been the problem right from the start. "Look, I don't like it any more than you do. But that's why it needs to stay secret after all. Because I know it would hurt more than the fact I'm hiding something. You understand that, don't you?"

Barry crossed arms over his chest, his eyes met the ground and he left all the rage slowly fade out. There was no reason to keep it boiling when he wasn’t innocent either. When he alone had secrets he wished with all within him would never find their way to the surface. What had really happened during the night his mother had died and that it wasn’t just Thea what was connecting him with Malcolm.

Although they probably weren’t as crucial as Harry’s was, they were weighing Barry more than anything. If he’d confessed before, would things ever change? It was gullible of him to believe they wouldn’t. If nothing else, Oliver would definitely start looking at him differently. Just like all people, who knew, had when they’d found out. Was it really such a bad thing that he wanted to save himself from it? If this was Harry’s problem too, it would be beyond selfish of him to be mad when in fact he understood. It was just pissing him off that Harry seemed to know everything while Barry was still kept in dark.

“Did you always know?” he asked bashfully, still keeping his gaze aimed at the ground. To hide his shame, maybe, and especially because of those damn tears welling up behind his eyelids as willingly as if he’d asked them to. Truth was quite the opposite.

Harry refused to push him. This was just as hard for him. The least he could do was try to make it easier for the latter to bear. Which meant truth. No more lies. Someone as kind-hearted as Barry deserved nothing else. “News about what happened to you and to your family were everywhere. I’d have to try really hard to never find out. The only reason Oliver doesn’t know is that he was going through a lot at that time too. His pain was the only one he was able to bear. And when I met Joe, I knew instantly who he was. With all those talks about you, he eventually brought it up and told me your version too.”

“Because he thought you could help,” Barry finished and lifted his head to see Harry nod. “And can you?”

Harry sighed and shifted his weight. As an answer that was enough. “It’s complicated.”

Barry snorted and hugged himself. There was that look he loathed more than anything. That constant pity. How had he not seen it in Harry’s eyes all along? Maybe it just seemed easier to ignore when he was happy. Now he was anything but that. So yes, that was the problem. But the most frustrating thing was the fact that all those people who were looking at him with this pity weren’t thoughtful because he’d lost his parents, but because in their eyes, he was a freak. From their point of view he’d either made that up just to cover for his dad or he was weird. And no one looked at him the same after that. Not even Iris nor Joe. Most of the time, they could hide it pretty well, but it was still there.

And now that same pity was in Harry’s eyes too. Like it was exactly what Barry needed.

“Just like every secret is,” he murmured under his breath, not even trying to make the man before him hear those words.

But Harry indeed had and they pained him more than he’d thought possible. Because he would lie if he’d claimed Barry’s opinion held no meaning to him. It did. He cherished it almost as much as he did Oliver’s. Now Barry’s eyes were dedicating him pure disgust and disappointment. What kind of a man could leave it like that?

For Harry, the trust had always been a complicated thing. But Barry had his. It was strange and yet Harry was still determined to earn the latter’s too. Whatever it took. That and also the fact his head massively hurt. It was no wonder this secret was destroying him. Mostly because he wanted to tell Oliver so much and yet he couldn’t. Maybe he could let Barry out of dark. Maybe it would make him feel better. Maybe he would find out that his sins weren’t so unforgivable after all. Maybe Barry would help him to confess.

Or maybe he would cause even more pain. Barry would lose all faith in him just as Harry had always feared Oliver would. And Barry would be stuck with yet one more secret to hide.

It was the selfish thing to do, he wasn’t going to deny it, but then again, that was why he was in this mess in the first place. Because of his own selfishness. He desperately needed someone to understand, however pathetic that might sound. No one could do that better than Barry. He was sure of it.

“Come with me,” he broke the silence, pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed towards his car.

Barry’s eyebrows furrowed and legs refused to move. “Where are we going?”

Harry noticed the slight panic in his eyes right away. “Relax, I’m not going to kidnap you or anything. I just want to talk, but not here and definitely not in STAR Labs. I don’t need any more people eavesdropping me so just get in... please.”

Barry’s cheeks turned slightly red, but he still nodded and did as he was commanded. It was funny. Even during hard times, his curiousness would still win over anything else. It was what made him go with Harry in the end. Without it, he would rather run away.

And the ride itself wasn’t that long. The unbearable silence, on the other hand, couldn't seem easier to bear. 

* * *

 

As soon as the car stopped, Barry knew exactly where he was. Although he’d never seen the place Harry called his home, it was no trouble to figure out under those circumstances. And when it came to it, he definitely wasn’t sure whether to be happy or terrified. Probably both. Harry wouldn’t want him to be only one of those choices anyway.

“You want something to drink?” Harry offered more on instinct than out of his kindness as they stepped inside.

Barry knew him so well that he didn’t really mind. “Water would be great.” Although what good could it really do to him? Thoughts would always stay, no matter how much he wanted them to leave.

Harry nodded and headed towards the kitchen without any more words.

Barry, however, accepted that right away and slowly took few more steps forward. The place itself was huge. Not huger than the Queen's mansion but still. Barry would definitely find it hard to move if he'd focused on his surroundings properly.

But he didn't. Because something else caught his attention. He could see from where he was standing that no wall was left dull. Each one of them had at least one picture decorating it. And when Barry came closer to one of them, he realized they were all family pictures. With Oliver and a woman in them. Harry's wife for sure. Harry, himself, could be seen only from time to time. He obviously preferred taking pictures than being in them. But still, those pictures where Harry was with Oliver were quite the show too. And Barry couldn't erase the smile on his face no matter what.

"I knew you wouldn't resist," Harry claimed, completely startling him without any actual effort. But when had that ever made any difference?

Barry instantly jerked backward, but only ever so slightly. Yet it was enough for Harry to form a subtle smirk on his face. But Barry only rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the pictures. And how beautiful and innocent they indeed were. It was no wonder they made him forget about how startled he'd been just a second ago.

"Oliver never really mentioned how she'd died," Barry remarked and pointed toward one of those pictures. The very one where Tess and Oliver were cooking something in the kitchen. That's why he's so good at it. He had a great teacher.

Harry sighed and lowered his head. "That hardly surprises me. He's too ashamed to tell the truth. For no valid reason though."

"Why?"

"Tess was sick. Badly. All she had left in the end were months. Oliver believed that he could prevent her from dying, that he could create the cure. But she died way before he could do anything about it."

"And what about you?"

"I did my best to save her. Unfortunately, that's hardly enough in this world. Neither Oliver nor Tess blamed me for it. So I didn't either. I still have my memories of her and Oliver too. Only God knows where I would be without them."

Barry's lips managed to quirk into a slight smile. It wasn't so normal for him to see Harry caring so much, especially when it came to Oliver. Of course he'd witnessed their nice moments, but still, after all this time, they all felt rare to him. And special too.

Just like all those pictures around him. Oliver was so happy in each of them. Sometimes he seemed grumpy, but that only doubled how adorable he looked. Barry's eyes couldn't stop glittering no matter how much he tried. Because everything around... just gave him an entirely new perspective on how to look at the man he loved.

Harry noticed how spellbound Barry looked. How his dilated pupils were giving away every slight detail on what emotions those pictures were causing him. It was how he and Tess had always wanted someone to look at Oliver. It was a proof they needed, to know that Barry really did deserve him. And it was also crystal clear that if Tess had been still with them, she would adore Barry more than anything. This way, Harry could only hope that Tess could see how the brunet was making their son happy and was smiling at all of them. With that in mind, it was really easier to smile.

But then he remembered why they were here in a first place. His smile instantly disappeared. He just hated that Oliver wasn't here to show Barry the place where he'd grown up. It should've been his job. No, scratch that, it still was his job. He would still do it whenever he felt secure enough. Harry wasn't going to jeopardize that.

"Come with me," Harry demanded and handed Barry the glass of water he'd been holding the whole time.

Barry's smile vanished right away, but he took the glass and followed the man to his living room without saying any more words.

Harry motioned him to sit down on the couch and sat next to him, placing a huge book on the coffee table before them.

The cover itself wasn’t revealing anything. It was just colored in midnight blue with golden stripes decorating the top and bottom parts of the book. But as soon as Harry opened it and revealed even more pictures, Barry could stop wondering. It just kept surprising him how Harry was secretly a softie at heart.

But those pictures were different. They looked older and although Tess was still in most of them, Oliver wasn't. And Harry looked so young. They must have been taken before they'd become a family or so Barry thought.

However, Harry kept turning pages and eventually, he reached photos where even Tess wasn't with him, but a man instead. And much to Barry's dismay, even so young he looked too familiar.

Those pictures left him more than just shocked. He was stunned. Because there Harry and Malcolm were, smiling and so genuinely happy on every picture. Barry just couldn't believe it.

After what Malcolm had told him, he'd doubted there had been more between them than just mutual respect and a few meetings.

Yet Harry had just shown him all those pictures and without any actual explanation, it was clear that they'd been exceptionally close. Maybe best friends even. Why did it have to be kept a secret from him so badly? Why had Malcolm lied?

Suddenly, Harry pulled out one single picture where he and Malcolm were cutting the red tape together before the main door of a building. Barry knew it far too well by now to stay oblivious. One look was all it took him to realize it was the day the STAR Labs had opened.

"Is that...," he asked stupidly anyway, just to initiate some talking because he could no longer bear the silence after everything he'd just seen.

"Yes, that's STAR Labs," Harry sighed and slowly blinked. This was already too hard for him and he hadn't even properly started yet. He could only imagine how devastating it would be for him to reveal the same to Oliver. "Malcolm and I... at first, we were co-owners. Even though he lived in Starling City, he could always find the time to come here and help me with everything I needed. I had known that man for years. He was the best friend I've ever had."

Barry gulped, trying so hard to push everything he thought about Malcolm away. Because although to him it seemed foreign and unreal, one look at Harry erased those thoughts right away. The sorrow in his eyes was just too genuine to mistake it for something different. And the guilt couldn't be hidden either. Yet Barry felt like at this point the man next to him didn't even care about that. He was letting it all out. Giving it all away.

"What happened?" Barry whispered unintentionally. When had his voice become so weak? When had he started trembling so much? And why hadn't he noticed it sooner? He was just too scared of what was coming out of Harry's mouth next.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and let his head drop. There was no other way. He couldn't face the latter no matter how much he wanted to. It was just too much to bear. "He was in Starling City back then, spending time with his family and working on his own company. We were supposed to meet in Central eventually though like we always would, but he never showed up. Weeks passed. He wasn't picking up my phone and so one day I went after him. It was only then that I found out his wife Rebecca had been murdered by some thug."

For once Barry was really glad that Harry couldn't see him right at that moment. Would he notice the shock on his face was merely fake? Most likely. And explaining that he'd known how Malcolm's wife had died because of the first time he'd eavesdropped on Harry was definitely not something he wanted to do anytime soon.

Fortunately for him, Harry's head kept facing the ground and after a few more seconds of silence, he found the courage to go on again.

"He hasn't been the same ever since. I've tried reaching out to him so many times, but he just kept pushing me away. I couldn't help him. He told me I should've just left him alone and so I did. When I came home, that was the time I met Oliver."

A single tear managed to escape his eye and fall on the floor. Just as a soft smile was cast on his troubled face. He had no reason to smile, to use any of those memories to make him feel better. He didn't deserve it. And yet here he was smiling. That was just what Oliver was and had been doing to him ever since they'd met - making him believe that he wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"His story was everywhere. Everyone had looked at his family with a great respect. The news about the deaths of his parents definitely left some damage. But it took some time before the idea of adopting him occurred to me. By that time he and Thea had gotten separated and me and Tess... we found out that she couldn't have children."

Barry suddenly lifted his right hand but stopped it right before it would touch Harry's shoulder. He just wasn't sure how to comfort the man next to him. Seeing him so broken and emotional was so foreign to Barry, he had no idea what to do no matter how much he wished he could help. In the end, however, he took the risk and put a comforting hand on Harry's left shoulder. The only answer he got was a subtle sigh, but Harry didn't shrug him off. That was definitely a good sign, right?

"Some things really can't be fixed by science. Or maybe my brain wasn't enough to figure it out," Harry scoffed and started fiddling with his fingers nervously. At some point, it kept him in bay. No more tears, just the truth.

"Either way, I saw the opportunity and I decided to take it."

After hearing those words, Barry couldn't help but stiffen. Had he really heard that right? Because he couldn't help but doubt he indeed had. The tone Harry had used... it just sounded so cold and he'd never sounded cold in regards to Oliver. Not even when he'd tried. It was just beyond his capabilities. Why did it suddenly change?

"What are you saying?" he bluntly asked because his brain was just no longer functioning properly. Some small part of him already suspected what was coming. And yet he still gullibly wished with all within him that he'd been wrong about that. Because that was how huge his faith in Harry was. Even after all this time.

Harry took a deep breath and finally lifted his head. He needed to say it directly face to face. Otherwise, there was a chance Barry wouldn't believe him. Saying it again would cause him a tremendous pain he wasn't ready for. "I didn't take him under my wing because I felt sorry for him. Or at the very least it wasn't my top priority. His brain and his memory were. If I he wasn't so smart, I wouldn't probably give him a second look. I would've still wanted to adopt someone, to make Tess happy. But this was why I'd chosen him of all children."

Barry slowly let go of Harry's shoulder and brought both his elbows to rest on his knees. His trembling even intensified after that. His eyes closed. Yet it did nothing to help. He could feel the heat in his head getting stronger and stronger with each running second. He pressed his hands against his face. They were cold and fragile, but the subtle chill they were providing was enough to calm him down even though the uncomfortable feeling in his guts was still there. It never left. Just like the cruel truth he was now carrying with him.

Harry, however, kept his eye contact still. He would never admit it, but he needed Barry to say something. Whether he would show some consolation or just shout at him he didn't care. He just needed something. The silence was the worst of all possible reactions. He didn't want it.

And somehow, Barry got the message without even looking at him. He raised his head and drank from the glass of water standing on the coffee table. He finished it all at once like he hadn't drunk in forever. At some point, he really felt that way. His head fucking hurt. Had he really made the right decision to come here and to find out the truth? He didn't know. But there was no coming back from it.

And as crazy as it sounded, a huge part of him still kept believing that this wasn't all there was to the story. He couldn't accept this as everything there was. He couldn't accept that Harry had been so heartless back then. And was it really so heartless after all? When no one had ever found out about his intentions? When he'd still done everything in his power to give Oliver all the love he could?

Such questions hurt his head even more, but he needed answers. He still had faith and he needed to know whether it was justified or not.

"What happened next?" he bitterly asked and gulped. He could feel the fragments of anger grouping inside him, but he wasn't ready to let them overpower him. Not yet.

Harry slowly turned his head away just to lower it again but this time only slightly. Even though that the biggest sin still hadn't been revealed. Yet with each uncovered secret, it felt easier. Or maybe he was just fooling himself. "Oliver had lived with me and Tess for ten months. It took those exact ten months for Malcolm to enter my life again. And I was happy. I thought that things could finally go back to normal, but obviously, I was wrong. The problem was that I had no idea how close he'd been with Oliver and his family. When he came back Thea was already in his care. He told me he needed to find Oliver too so the two of them could be together again. If he'd come sooner, I would've actually considered it, but after those ten months..."

Harry ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly it was much harder to find any words. His voice became much weaker. As much as a huge part of him believed his actions were justified at some point, it was a completely different thing to convince someone else to believe that too. With Barry he wasn't even sure whether it was possible at all.

Yet the brunet surprised him, just as he had multiple times before, when his eyes landed on him and showed inches of compassion alongside the judgment he'd expected right from the beginning. But he'd never expected to see compassion and Barry was still giving that to him.

"You no longer could," Barry finished for him softly. Now he could finally feel his body relaxing at least in some small measures. Harry had cared. Barry knew he would. It just couldn't be that simple. Even though it still hurt like hell.

Harry nodded and sniffled. Tears were still grouping. Now more radically than before much to his dismay. "Malcolm had no idea that Oliver was mine. I did my best to keep it a secret from him for as long as was possible. Because I didn't know how to tell him. I was too scared. And Tess was just as torn as I was. She loved Oliver with all her heart. Giving him away felt like she'd be giving a huge part of herself away. The one she never wanted to lose. And I felt the same way. But eventually, Malcolm found out on his own. God, he was furious. I tried to reason with him, to make him see my love for Oliver was as strong and just as genuine as possible. But he still kept convincing me that the only way how to make sure Oliver and Thea would be happy was to reunite them and never let them separate again. Maybe he was right, but I couldn't help but doubt he would ever let him see me or Tess again. After his wife had died, he's been everything but the man I used to know, the man I used to see as my best friend. I no longer trusted him. So I selfishly refused and offered him to keep the siblings in contact either way. I believed it could've worked somehow. In the end, however, it felt more like begging actually, but that pissed him off even more. He left Central and banned me and Oliver from meeting with him, Thea or Tommy. And every time I tried, he found out and stopped me. Eventually, I gave up and decided to keep the truth hidden. Tess always knew and she never judged me for it. Not a single day goes by that I'm not grateful for that."

Barry really wanted to say something, but how could he when he'd never been more torn than he was right in that moment? Part of him believed that Oliver would've been a completely different person if Thea, Tommy and Malcolm, people he'd known before everything had turned to shit, kept being part of his life. And the other part of him had no idea whether he would've really chosen differently if he'd been Harry. Did he really have any right to judge him when the older man had done it in the name of love as pure and as real as possible? When it was perfectly clear Oliver was who he was largely thanks to him? And Barry loved everything about Oliver. He wouldn't change anything about him. Without Harry, they wouldn't have even met in a first place. Just a simple thought of it was destroying him.

Although this was hardly about him, he still couldn't convince himself to be angry. Any fragment of rage he'd had inside him was now gone. He still felt conflicted and confused, but not mad. Not anymore.

After a few more seconds, Harry turned his attention back to the photo album in front of them and started turning its pages once again. It didn't take long before he found the right picture, pulled it out and held it for Barry to see. There small Oliver was genuinely smiling, standing and holding a plate full of cakes with a Christmas reindeer antlers decorating his head. A beautiful tree behind his back was illuminating the room and creating the true magic of Christmas. Yet Oliver was the most beautiful thing about the whole picture and Barry felt so touched by seeing him so happy that he couldn't help but cast a warm smile on his face. This was the Oliver he'd never experienced on his own. And yet this particular picture was creating more emotions in him than any of those he'd seen hanging on the wall. This one was special. To Harry definitely too. That was why he'd chosen to show it.

"It's no crime to keep secrets from them," Harry began and softly smiled at the sight of his son too. It was impossible to fight it. And useless too. Those feelings were a privilege to have after all. "Because when you are a parent and you look at your children, you see them exactly as that. Rather the children they used to be than the adults they are now. It's a blessing in disguise. You can see this pure innocence that used to be in their eyes back when it all seemed so simple. For you, it's still there. They don't grow old because in your heart they'll always stay the same, they'll stay little. It's only natural that you want to protect them from pain and retain that innocence even though you're hurting."

Harry slowly blinked and let another tear escape his eye. Barry noticed that right away and his smile even widened when the man next to him no longer minded the tears. And that the smile playing on his lips was still going strong.

"Which is why I need time to find a way how to tell him. He deserves to know the truth and I want to be the one who will tell him every little detail of it. I know I have no right to demand this from you, but please leave this up to me. Keep it a secret just as you keep yours."

And there was that sorrow again. There was that same guilt over and over again overpowering all his thoughts. Now Barry once again felt helpless and torn and yet in a different way. Because those were his secrets. His past. And he was just as scared of revealing that to Oliver as Harry was. Of course, he wasn't going to betray him. How selfish would that actually be? More than he was capable of becoming. Or so he hoped.

Harry noticed how hapless he suddenly was. The fact he couldn't provide him any comfort was destroying him, but it was just the way he was. He'd never really gotten the chance to learn it properly. Besides comforting Tess and Oliver anyway. However, it was no secret that he was always ready to learn.

"I get why you don't want him to know how exactly your mother died," he spoke up and put his hand on Barry's shoulder just as the latter had done before, hoping that it was helping as it had him. "You don't want to change the way he looks at you. You don't want him to look at you differently just as the people who know do. It's the same look you're dedicating me right now after everything you've heard. It's something you can't hide no matter how hard you try. Just know that I'm not mad at you. I definitely deserve it, but... you don't, Barry. Which is why your secret is safe with me. No matter what happens."

Barry could no longer help it. He pressed his eyes shut and let a pair of tears stream down his face. And it annoyed him. It just felt like he hadn't been doing anything else than just crying. Even now it did nothing to make him feel better. His head hurt even more and the breathing was radically becoming harder and harder. He hated everything about it and yet he couldn't stop it. Maybe that was what he hated the most. The inability to stop and to say how grateful he, in fact, was for Harry's words and trust. Where he would've been without them... that was something he never wanted to find out.

"I should go," he suddenly blurted out, but it was still true. He needed to leave. Staying here... it just hurt too much. He needed to think about... everything. About Harry's secret, about his own. He needed to figure out so many things even though his head was dangerously close to exploding. For him, it was still better than this.

"Wait," Harry stopped him and handed him the picture of Oliver. There was that warm smile on his face again. Like it was that simple to cast it. Maybe it really was. "Take this, it's for you."

Barry's eyes widened in shock as he started shaking his head. "No, I can't take that. You need it. It's too special."

"It is too special, but the truth is I've never been a fan of taking pictures. I've been doing it only because Tess wanted me to. But I could live without them. I told you that I hold a memory of young Oliver strongly attached to my mind and that I see him almost every time I look at him. I meant it and I still do. I don't need a picture to remember. His presence is enough for me. You need this picture more than I do. You've never gotten the chance to see him like this, so purely happy and innocent. You deserve to see him this way too. So please take it."

The desire to fight the older man on that had faded too quickly for Barry to realize it. How touched he was by the gesture trumped any other feeling. He managed to form his last smile and slowly took the picture into his own grip. Just a single look was enough to make his eyes well up with tears again. But he wouldn't give it up for anything. He'd seen that photo only now and yet he could barely hide what a tremendous power it had over him. And such power was worth all the tears and all the headaches. He was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in real rush because I really wanted to post this finally. That’s why this chapter isn’t exactly what I wanted it to be but I still hope you liked at least something. And I apologize once again for making you wait. I’m not going to promise anything though. Because I don’t want to become a bigger liar than I already am XD. But here’s hoping that I won’t have any more blocks from now on XD. Fingers crossed.


	35. Only time will tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon blinked a few times and stayed speechless for a couple of seconds. “I’m sorry but I failed to understand this statement.”  
> “I mean, you are still shackled, aren’t you? Which means you can do only the things which your creators approve of. You can’t go fully against them because it’s not in your code.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Next couple of chapters are going to be a real death for me, but I hope we’ll all survive it. We just need to get somewhere finally. So carry on and enjoy!

Right before Barry left he’d dared to ask that one question that had been on his mind almost the whole day. If there was any way how to solve his dad’s case and Barry knew there was, would Harry help him figure it out? The older man, however, merely sighed and pressed his lips into a thin line. For Barry, it was enough. And comparing to the “I’ll try.” he got from him in the end, those gestures at least weren’t deceiving. Cruel, but honest after all.

But he swallowed that hurt and promised the older man the secret was safe with him. As soon as he had, the weight on his shoulders radically exacerbated. Like it already hadn’t been enough. Was he even capable of keeping this a secret from Oliver? Or would his lover figure it out as soon as they met next time? Barry might’ve learned how to lie throughout all these years, but he had no idea whether he could lie to Oliver. He had to try at least. For Harry’s sake.

After the two of them said their goodbyes, Barry’s phone suddenly buzzed. He was already outside, out of Harry’s reach and yet visible for everyone else to see. _God, please, just don’t let it be Oliver_ , he begged inwardly. His hands were still trembling as he reached for his phone. Was it ever going to stop? Or was his self-control gone for good?

A huge relief flooded him as soon as he saw Tommy’s name on the screen. But then, the slight anger followed right after. Maybe he shouldn’t have trusted him after all.

“Hey,” he coldly spoke up, pinching the brick of his nose.

Tommy noticed the odd tone right away but decided to ignore it for now. “Hey, Barry. Oliver told me you took off? Is everything okay?”

Barry sighed and managed to form a weak smile. Oliver knew so little from the text Barry had sent him somewhere along the ride to Harry’s house. And yet it was somehow enough. The latter hadn’t asked any questions. He’d accepted it and replied him just as kindly as he always had, hoping that Barry was going to be okay.

The inability to answer that question was getting on Barry’s nerves, but leaving Oliver in dark hurt him much more. It felt like such a foreign and bad thing that his heart couldn’t reduce its erratic pace no matter how much he tried. Sometimes he really felt like he didn’t deserve him. But never had he believed it more than right at that moment.

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Barry bitterly replied and rolled his eyes. He was done with playing nice.

Tommy frowned on the other end of the line. “What do you mean? What’s wrong, Barry?

“You gathered everything the CCPD have on my father’s case and you shared it all with Malcolm. That’s what’s wrong, Tommy.”

After that, only silence followed, which was just another way how to fuel Barry’s rage. But at least Tommy wasn’t denying any of it. Although it did little to make Barry feel better, he was still grateful that the latter wasn’t going to ambush him with more lies. He wasn’t even sure he could take it.

However, in the end, he couldn’t take the silence either. “You had no right to do that!”

And this time, Tommy didn’t keep him waiting. “I know,” he weakly replied and took a deep breath and found the strength to speak again. “But... can we talk about this, please? Just let me explain.”

Barry rolled his eyes again, but his own hesitance kept him from saying no instantly. Why he had no idea. Just a mere thought of letting Tommy explain it all was causing his stomach to turn upside down over again. But on the other hand, a small part of him still had hope that this wasn’t as bad as it might seem. How pathetic. But without it, he was sure he would break for good and never find the courage to pull up again. That was so unlike him that his head started to hurt cruelly. He couldn’t just do nothing. He had to try at least. If he’d gotten hurt by Tommy even more, would someone even care? Oliver would, but he couldn’t. Of all possible people, he couldn’t. Barry couldn’t ask him for help or beg for any kind of comfort that would give away too much. But at the same time, Oliver was the only person in this cruel world Barry wanted to see right now. He wanted to be pulled out of this darkness only by him. But he couldn’t be. And that was destroying him.

“Where and when?” he asked, still doing his best to sound cold and unattached when the truth was quite the opposite. Whereas he thought he would do a good job, it seemed like his voice had never sounded weaker. He no longer cared though. Today could hardly go even more badly as it already had. Even if the whole world started laughing at him, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Because if all the bad that had happened to him had taught him anything, it was that he could take this pain. No matter how utterly it was destroying him inside. Because that was what life was about, wasn’t it? Well, most of the time anyway. You either decide to take the pain or you let it consume you. After all, it was only thanks to the pain that happiness meant so much.

* * *

 

Cisco was just fetching something small for him to eat when he suddenly bumped into the owner of Mercury Labs himself. Malcolm Merlyn. He'd met him only briefly when he and his son, Tommy, had marched inside. And although the meeting had lasted only for a few seconds, because Harry and Malcolm had immediately taken off to talk privately, it hadn't escaped Cisco's attention how uneasy Harry had suddenly acted. It was so unlike him that Cisco had to frown confusedly. Maybe that was the perfect reason for him to be on edge around the dark-haired man. Because if Harry was, there had to be a good reason for it, right?

"What are you doing here?" Cisco asked suspiciously but retained his innocent look. It was one of his many gifts.

The man in question instantly turned around to face him and managed to form a polite smile.

Yet if you'd asked Cisco, he would definitely claim something was fishy about it. And also fake.

"I was just looking and admiring. Apologies, but my curiousness got the best out of me."

Cisco nodded but furrowed his eyebrows nonetheless. "And Doctor Wells is okay with that?"

The billionaire chuckled slightly.

Yet to Cisco, it sounded more like a scoff. The very one everyone hated.

"I admire your loyalty to him. I really do. But whatever you think of me, whatever he told you about me, I'm not your nor his enemy. All I've come here to do is rectify my mistakes and mend what's broken. After that's done, you won't see me again."

Cisco crossed arms over his chest and glared. But only ever so slightly. "Stick to that and we shouldn't have a problem."

"Is that a threat?"

"I don't know. Should it be a threat?" Cisco questioned and his glare only prolonged.

But no answer managed to find its way to him. Because before it could, someone else made an appearance. The very person who wasn't allowed to.

"Cisco?"

And when Cisco heard her confused and worried voice, all his facial features suddenly softened. His heart instantly stopped a beat and he wished with all within him that he'd heard it wrong, but he hadn't. That much was obvious even though he still hadn't found the courage to turn around and face her. Oh, he was going to be in so much trouble. They were supposed to watch over her and make sure she and Malcolm would never meet.

But now it seemed like he, Caitlin and Felicity had failed much sooner than anyone would ever guess. Oh god, Doctor Wells was going to be so pissed.

"I think you should leave," he firmly stated when his head lifted back up to stare at the billionaire in front of him. However, when he heard Gideon's voice for the second time, he didn't dare to hesitate anymore and turned around to face her.

"I do not understand," Gideon pointed out, confused. "Why are you acting this way towards the visitor?"

"Because he is no visitor," Cisco argued and came closer, yet he was still fully aware that Malcolm could hear his every spoken word. Not that he cared anyway. "We don't know what he's capable of. We shouldn't trust him. Doctor Wells says so and you trust him, don't you?"

Did she? Trust Doctor Wells so much? Gideon wasn't sure. She used to but now... it felt different. After the man had forced her to keep secrets from the two people who were most dear to her, was there even any other way how to feel than torn? There wasn't. And even if there was, she was no longer willing to search for it. Doctor Wells had let her down. Forgiving might have been part of her code, but forgetting never was. It was beyond her capabilities to change that.

"But Mr. Merlyn hasn't been doing anything wrong."

Cisco sighed. He had no idea what to say. In his point of view, she was right, but he had his orders and he would trust Harry's word over Malcolm's anytime. Without even knowing the details. But how could he explain that to her?

"I'm not saying he's done something wrong. All I'm saying is that we should all be ready for anything when it comes to him."

"Why? Because Doctor Wells says so?" Gideon blinked a few times and then tilted her head slightly to one side. Body language had seemed to be easier and easier for her with each passing day. Slowly, but surely she was learning to use it one day on instinct just as any human would. "Interesting. And here I thought you, humans, always have a choice. I thought it was what makes you special. Thank you for proving me otherwise."

"I'm trying to protect you, Gideon. And that's something I've chosen on my own."

"Or maybe you're just scared to face the consequences if something happened to me. We can never be entirely sure what Doctor Wells, Oliver nor Barry's reaction might be like. But all things considered, I've come to a conclusion none of them would be pleasant. Either way, I respect this choice of yours, Cisco, and I beg of you to respect mine as well."

Cisco opened his mouth but that was it. No word managed to come out no matter how much he wanted it to. So he closed it almost right away and glanced briefly at the ground in surrender. From the corner of his eye, however, he managed to spot Malcolm when he lifted his head back up. He wasn’t showing any kind of mischief or anything nor did he seem cold and calm in any way. Cisco could hardly explain it, but from that one short look, it didn’t seem to him like this man was capable of something bad. The fact Harry was so scared, and he was, that much Cisco could tell, seemed... odd. But there had to be a reason, didn’t it? Maybe he didn’t know what exactly it was, but Cisco still had faith. The team from STAR Labs had always been like a family to him. Which included Harry and yes, it would always include Oliver too. In a family, trust is the key but so is letting your loved ones make their own choices which was why Cisco retreated from this and left Gideon to do whatever she wanted. Only hoping that nothing bad would come of that.

“I apologize for his behavior, Mr. Malcolm. This is definitely not the common way we talk with people,” she spoke up timidly when they remained alone.

Malcolm’s astonishment still hadn’t stopped reaching new measures. “There’s no need, really. I completely understand and I don’t blame him. Harry has always been the more charming one from the two of us. And your friend is loyal. How can I hold that against him?”

“Maybe you can’t, but I can.”

Malcolm slightly chuckled and shrugged. “Of course you can. That’s one of the things that make you an AI, isn’t it, Gideon? But you got lucky because he could’ve ordered you to let this go and stay away from me. If that was the case, it wouldn’t matter what you thought, you would simply obey.”

Gideon blinked a few times and stayed speechless for a couple of seconds. “I’m sorry but I failed to understand this statement.”

“I mean, you are still shackled, aren’t you? Which means you can do only the things which your creators approve of. You can’t go fully against them because it’s not in your code.”

Gideon's first reaction was to start naming all those times she’d managed to decide on her own. But then she took few extra seconds to think them all through and it didn’t take long until she spotted the pattern. From her first night when she’d locked everyone from entering the STAR Labs because her dads had ordered her to, right to the night she’d chosen to take over her platform because okay Doctor Wells had wanted her to, but Oliver and Barry had wanted her to choose. It was her choice. But did that have some actual meaning now? Maybe she could choose on her own but if she wanted to escape STAR Labs and go out, was it really so crystal clear that her dads would approve of that? Because their thoughts and their opinions were everything for her and only now she could fully understand what that meant. She could choose her own battles and paths only to the point where her creators would want her to. If they wanted her to learn to dance, she would have to obey. If they wanted her to stop talking with someone like Malcolm, she would have to obey and if... they wanted to shut her down, there would be absolutely nothing to do about it. Because the code was the code. And she was shackled. Like every AI should be, apparently.

“Forgive me, I thought you knew,” Malcolm gently apologized and broke her out of her trance.

But Gideon didn’t stop hurting. She could no longer return to her usual state. It just wasn’t possible anymore. “There is no need to apologize, Mr. Merlyn. You just told me the truth. Holding it against you would be highly illogical.”

Gideon glanced slightly at the ground beneath her steel feet but lifted her almost instantly back up. She needed to leave. Even her perfect brain could handle only so many emotions at once. “Please, do excuse me. I should return to my duties before someone starts looking for me.”

“You can call me Malcolm, Gideon. I don’t mind. And am I still welcome here after this or are you going to banish me?” he asked and attempted to form a small smile.

Gideon turned around to face him once again, but stayed silent for a few moments, thinking this through. But from her point of view, there was no loophole. Malcolm hadn’t meant to cause her any harm or at least that was what she’d chosen to believe while she still had this luxury. It was only fair to continue being polite. Just like her code wanted her to. “No banishment awaits you from me. You have my word. Unless someone orders me to banish you that is.”

But Malcolm didn’t feel threatened by that possibility at all. Even though Gideon was bound to follow orders of the whole team, each of them held a different level of importance to her. No matter what Harry or Cisco wanted her to do, she would always pick Oliver and Barry’s side. And Oliver so far had no reason to banish him from STAR Labs. The goal was to keep it that way of course. 

* * *

 

Barry could hardly sit still as he was waiting inside Jitters. Not even his favorite coffee could ease his mind. Not even a little bit. Which was why he'd purposefully refused to sit on his favorite place like he always had before. Because he was far too aware that would drive him even more insane. He would always sit there with Oliver and they would talk and laugh. Oh, how he loved Oliver's laugh. Or the way Oliver would always let him fiddle with his huge muscular hands. The perfect way how to start the morning for sure.

But now, he could only sigh at that. The idea of him being so measurelessly happy seemed ridiculous once again. Because everywhere he went, these poisoning thoughts always followed, telling him that he was no longer worthy of that happiness. Which reminded him of one single thing - this was exactly how he'd felt before he'd met Oliver.

"Sorry I'm late," Tommy claimed as he sat down on the opposite side of the table.

Barry scoffed at it slightly. He could count times when someone had said those words to him by one hand. And under different circumstances, he would laugh at his odds but not today. Today he was tempted to do many things but laugh.

"That's one of the few things that 'sorry' can cover right now," Barry pointed out, carrying on with his bitterness, and crossed arms over his chest.

Tommy slowly blinked and took a deep breath before he started talking. "I know we still barely know each other, but, Barry, please trust me when I say that this is not entirely what it looks like."

Barry narrowed his eyes, unimpressed. "Why don't you enlighten me then?"

"I'm not going to hide that the better part of what my father knows about you he knows thanks to me," Tommy admitted and started playing with his fingers without realizing it. "But I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Then why did you betray me like that?" Barry spat out, enraged.

"Betray you? I didn't even know you back then!" Tommy shouted and slightly banged the table. Multiple people turned their heads towards them right after that so maybe it wasn't as subtle as he wanted to believe. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at the table before him. When he spotted from the corner of his eye that people around finally stopped staring, he lifted his head to once again look at Barry. Who was massively stunned.

"You didn't... then why would you...," Barry stammered and refused to look at the latter.

"Because you wanted to work for my father, remember? Or at least it seemed that way. My father would always ask me to look up potential employees. It was a common procedure for him and you were no exception."

Barry pressed his lips into a thin line and stayed silent. The more things he knew, the more it seemed like life itself was mocking him. And it was getting on his nerves to say the least. Knowing that maybe most of his misfortune was caused by him and him alone.

"So you knew who I was the second you found me in SCPD?" he whispered with a voice so broken it was barely audible.

But for Tommy, it was enough. "I did, but it's not like I could've confessed to it right away. You would've viewed me much more badly than you do now."

Barry pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair. Yes, at least now he thought badly only of himself. What a luxury, indeed.

The silence was dragging and seeing Barry delving into it completely was nothing more than cruel. Tommy could hardly erase the pain or the past. But he could at least help in solving it.

"For what it's worth, I know how you feel, Barry. I lost my mother when I was just a kid too. So I know exactly how it hurts when a mother is taken from you unrightfully and you can't do anything about it. But I can help you. Or at least I can try."

Barry furrowed his eyebrows confusedly and finally looked right into Tommy's eyes. "Help me with what?"

"If you believe that your father is really innocent, then I'm with you. And I want to help you prove that. Now I know that I'm no Harrison Wells, but I could still be useful. It's up to you. Just think about it."

Barry bit his nether lip gently, but he refused to say no to that. Not when Tommy was the first person who had offered him his help. Who had said he believed him.

But then he suddenly remembered that he was crazy for only considering trusting him again. Tommy had lied to him after all. That was one of the few things which were still true even after everything that had happened today. Could Barry really look past that?

He had no idea. Which was why he couldn't give him any other answer than:" I will."

And Tommy understood the sudden mistrust. He definitely deserved it. Just like Barry deserved some time to really think this through like he promised he would. So Tommy stood up, said his goodbye and headed for the exit.

After a few minutes, his phone rang.

_"How did it go? Did you earn his trust?"_

"Only time will tell," Tommy sighed. "And what about you? Did you earn the trust of the AI?"

Malcolm chuckled slightly on the other end of the line. _"Only time will tell."_

"So everything goes according to the plan so far?"

_"Yes. Let's keep it that way."_ And Tommy knew that those words would hunt him forever. But there was no coming back. Not anymore. 

* * *

 

When Barry came home Oliver was already there. From the way Barry found him reading on the couch, it was obvious the latter was trying so hard to pretend he hadn't been waiting for him but failing. Barry could tell that much when it hadn't escaped his attention how swiftly Oliver's gaze flew over to him when he'd entered the apartment. Not that he could blame him, though. If the roles were reversed, he would definitely act the same way.

"You're here," Oliver semi-whispered, put the book aside and stood up.

Barry watched him come closer to him. And yet he couldn't force himself to fake happiness or that everything was okay when it clearly wasn't. Oliver would see right through him anyway. So why bother? But then what other choice did he have when telling the truth seemed like the hardest thing ever?

It scared him that he couldn't find any answer to that. It made his knees start to falter. He once again felt so weak and pathetic. And the gaze of his lover, showing that he wanted nothing more than just to ease his suffering, only added more to his pain. Which proved to be just another mockery of him. A normal person would tell the truth, wouldn't they? Then why couldn't he? Why did it have to be so damn difficult? Maybe because he rather preferred ruining himself than ruining Oliver. Or maybe he was just fooling himself because he was coward.

Either way, the strength to confess to any of that was nowhere to be found. It was so out of his reach that the temptation to cry would probably follow him until the very end. Which was why he couldn't convince himself to say anything. And he hugged the man he loved instead.

Oliver didn't dare to say no to that. What a crime would that be? The one he had no desire to commit anytime soon.

So he just smiled and gently wrapped his arms around the latter. And right at that moment, just that one simple hug seemed like everything. Like it was all that was needed. Enough. Even though they were far from reaching that.

Oliver knew very well that Barry was hurting. And although he wished nothing more than to change that, the sources of his own suffering hadn't vanished completely either. He couldn't even help himself with Thea so how was he supposed to help Barry? When even the odds were not in his favor and he had no idea what could've gone wrong with him?

The answer to that was beautifully simple. He could help the way Barry knew and always would. Maybe he couldn't solve his problems. Maybe he couldn't wipe out the bad memories from his mind, but he could still make him smile. At least a little. Because even a little smile was worth trying.

"I suppose you don't want to talk right now," he softly whispered and kept the embrace still.

Barry pressed his forehead against Oliver's shoulder and sighed. "Not today. Please."

"Okay. And what if we watched some musical today? Would that make you feel better?"

Barry slightly pulled away from the hug, but his hands remained placed on Oliver's chest like they'd always belonged there. "But you hate musicals."

"Not when I watch them with you," Oliver assured but slightly furrowed his eyebrows right after. "Unless it's La La land. Please don't make me watch that again."

Barry couldn't help but chuckle. "The Greatest Showman then?"

"Okay, but I have one condition - you won't start babbling about how Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron are hot and handsome or else I'm leaving."

"I don't do that," Barry protested, backed away from the hug and lifted his hands innocently.

"Oh, you do. Because we've watched that movie what five times already and you've always ended up daydreaming about them," Oliver dodged, but went to prepare the movie anyway.

"And that bothers you, doesn't it?" Barry mocked and sat down on the couch.

"Shut up," Oliver snorted, but that caused Barry to chuckle only more. And just like that, the pain was gone. For now. It was still there with him no matter how hard he would try to deny it, but thanks to Oliver, it was easier to ignore. Maybe time would eventually help him with all his problems. Maybe he would find the courage he needed in the end.

And when it came to Oliver, he couldn't be happier. Because Barry was smiling. It was all that was needed to make him smile and forget too. That was a real magic right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to put some small Olivarry moment in this chapter because I needed it! XD I hope you liked the chapter! And see you all next time!


	36. Different Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's so many different worlds  
> So many different suns  
> And we have just one world  
> But we live in different ones
> 
> \--Brothers in Arms, Dire Straits--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! It’s been more than a month since my last update. I’m truly sorry for that but my life has never been more hectic. And this chapter is definitely not one of my finest, but it’ll have to do because I need to post at least something. So please do forgive me if this is too sappy. It’s not so easy to write these days, let alone write well. But try to enjoy this anyway!

And yet something happened right the next day. Something changed. Oliver knew that much as soon as he spotted Barry sipping his coffee in the kitchen. The surprised look that appeared on his face just for a split of seconds was too hard for Oliver to miss. He wasn't used to it after all. Barry had never used it on him. _He wanted to sneak out._

"Hey, what's up?" Barry greeted and dedicated him a smile.

Oliver couldn't find it within him to reciprocate it. When Barry saw it, the corners of his mouth lowered slightly just as his head did too. "I didn't want to wake you up. Yesterday must've been tough for you."

Oliver narrowed his eyes at that. It was no surprise Barry was just trying to distract himself from his own problems. He wasn't doing it for the first time after all. For Oliver, it was no trouble to see the pattern really. But to comprehend it completely? That was something different entirely.

"It must have been tough for you too."

Barry ran a hand through his hair and downed his coffee. But he was still refusing to meet Oliver's eyes no matter what. "I'm fine, though."

For Oliver, however, it was enough to spot two essential things. Barry had circles under his eyes, which were blooded more than he'd ever seen them. Oliver didn't really need to be told that Barry was obviously having nightmares. As much as he hated the fact, he knew what kind of damage nightmares could do so well that knowing the difference in someone's behavior and the look was just yet more reason for him to show off.

But that was the problem. He didn't want to show off. He didn't want to mock his lover at how the roles had just reversed even though he could still remember how Barry had kept convincing him to do something about the nightmares. And now when it was Oliver's turn, there was this anxiety again. That made it nearly impossible for him to find the right words.

“Barry...”

“Don’t Barry me, Oliver. I’m fine, seriously. Or I will be, eventually.”

Oliver dared to enter Barry’s personal space, scared beyond imagination. His hand trembled as he placed it gently on Barry’s forearm. God, he was so afraid that the man before him would rebuff it and leave.

But that didn’t happen. Not yet anyway. Barry stood perfectly still.

“Then why don’t you let me help you with that?” Oliver questioned but with this tone, it sounded more like a plea. As pathetic and naive as it could get. Yet Oliver didn’t care. Barry still wasn’t looking at him and Oliver hated that he didn't know why.

And then even that boundary had been crossed. Barry finally looked at him, but it was nowhere close to sincere or sorrowful. He glared at him. Not in a playful way. It was in an annoyed way. And before Oliver could put it all together, Barry shook off his hand. That left Oliver totally stunned.

“You tell me. Why don’t we talk about Thea for example,” Barry countered and crossed arms over his chest.

Oliver slowly blinked and gulped. As much as it was a low blow, Barry had a point. And Oliver was being a hypocrite. Again. Sometimes he really did hate himself beyond anything else.

But as much as he wished he could, he couldn’t beat it. He couldn’t start talking about his feelings about Thea and whatnot. His mouth had just never felt drier. He could open it, but it would be pointless because nothing would come out. He wasn’t ready.

“I’m working on it,” Oliver claimed, but it was him now who was rather facing the ground than those beautiful hazel green eyes. And Barry noticed right away.

His eyebrows were finally put at ease and his look softened. This was too much for him too.

“Look, I don’t want to fight, Ollie.”

Oliver might’ve lifted his head after that, but Barry’s eyes were a no-go destination for him again.

Barry’s hesitance preserved only for a split of seconds as he tenderly cupped Oliver’s cheeks and forced the latter to face him properly.

“Which is why I ask you to leave my problems up to me. And I swear that one day, I’ll explain everything to you, but for now... please.”

“But what if you lose yourself like you did when you met...”

“Mardon? That’s pretty possible,” Barry deadpanned and chuckled slightly when he noticed Oliver’s subtle smile.

“This isn’t funny,” Oliver remarked, but the smile on his face was still undeniable much to his dismay.

Yet after a few more seconds, the silence returned and they both lost their carefree laughter. Barry’s hands were now pressed against Oliver’s chest. He was so close, he could feel the heat radiating from the man before him. The best kind of comfort there was.

“You should know that even with that pain which seeing Mardon caused me, I’m still glad that day happened exactly the way it did. And if I could go back and change something, I wouldn’t.”

Oliver’s heart fluttered, but before he could say anything back, Barry’s slender arms wrapped around his neck lovingly. And after that, Oliver felt too weak to fight back.

“I realized a lot of things that day,” Barry murmured into his ear and kept the embrace tight. “And even though it was far from perfect, I’m thankful for all that, for each memory. Nothing will ever change that.”

Oliver relished in how good it felt to hear those words. This assurance. And maybe, just maybe, with more time like this, seconds would be enough, entangled in this embrace would actually make all his worries disappear. But Barry ended it too soon. Or the buzzing of his phone did. And when Barry pulled back and checked his screen, he was gone again. Even though Oliver could see him and actually touch him, he was still not quite there. Not completely. And it hurt. Especially when it resembled no one else than him. Barry’s behavior was not an unknown aspect to him. He used to be like this too. But Barry had cured him of that. Slowly, but still had. And if Oliver hadn’t accomplished the same by now, what were his chances now? Were there any?

It hurt to think like this. Then he remembered Thea and his whole world crumbled even more. Just like when he’d left her. Now she was here within his reach and it all felt like leaving over again. He was fed up with it. No more.

The only way how to solve that was through rectifying what could be rectified. Slowly. With time. And Thea deserved to be the first finally. Just like how it used to be when she’d been his whole world. She still was that. He just needed to remind himself of that.

Barry left after that quite quickly. Oliver didn’t even care to remember what excuse he had for that. It was a lie for sure so the meaning behind it was equal to zero in Oliver’s perspective anyway so he might just save himself the trouble altogether and just put it all to the back of his head. That way the pain of it wasn’t so unbearable.

However, this wasn’t the end of his problems. He might’ve made the decision to try with Thea again, but that didn’t mean he knew what to say to her to fix all this. He didn’t even know where to begin. That was just something his brain would never help him with.

Barry would. But a thought of that caused him to shut his eyes tight in frustration right away. As if it already hadn’t been bad enough.

Little did he know that Barry had helped him tremendously that day even with the lack of interaction they’d recently have. _If she can’t handle seeing you, make her listen like I and Gideon did_. He'd said this right before he'd left the apartment. Thanks to these words, an idea indeed popped up in Oliver’s mind. It was so unlike him that the anxiety he was already having even doubled. But that still didn’t cloud his judgment enough. He knew that this was probably the only choice. And one thing was for sure - he needed help. After all, what were friends for?

 

* * *

 

Thea had decided to go to Jitters. She needed something familiar and this was ideal. Now it was crystal clear why Sara and Barry had chosen Jitters of all places they could’ve gone to.

Thea, personally, wasn’t a fan of coffee, but here she was drinking it anyway. It had taken some time, but eventually, she’d managed to get used to its bitter taste. Something like that wasn’t an achievement in this world, it was more like a must-do. If she didn’t drink coffee, she would belong to a minority of people, she would blend out. As if she wasn’t different enough from people around her already. She needed something normal. If drinking coffee was normal, the bitter taste was no obstacle for her. After all, for her, it would always be easier to find a way how to blend in then blend out everywhere she went.

And yet, when it came to this Jitters, she couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t belong there. This time the coffee was no sanctuary. People weren’t looking at her but she felt like they were staring. Just to let her feel the guilt that had been tearing her apart the whole time before.

But at the same time, she felt like saying all those words to Oliver was the right thing to do, no matter what anyone else thought. He’d hurt her so why couldn’t she show him how it had felt and hurt him just as much? Okay, maybe slapping him was too much, but still, why couldn’t she?

Before she could find an answer to that, someone broke her out of her trance. A blonde girl in her age and with glasses on came to her with probably the most innocent smile Thea had ever seen.

“Is this seat taken?”

Thea glanced at her with a puzzled look and then her eyes flew over the whole coffee shop. There were free tables and boxes but the person in front of her insisted on sitting here. Thea knew that she wasn’t going to like her reasons for that.

“I know that there is a plenty of space for me to sit, but would you mind if I sat with you? I’m avoiding someone and if he sees me sitting with someone, he will probably leave me alone. So pretty please,” the blonde pleaded, pressing her palms against one another and entangling her fingers.

Thea couldn’t say no to that. That would be rude. Even for her. And besides, she seemed okay. What could possibly go wrong?

“I’m Felicity, by the way,” the blonde pointed out with a thankful smile after Thea had motioned for her to sit down.

Thea magically managed to reciprocate that smile. “Thea.”

After Felicity pulled out the tablet from her purse and started tapping her fingers at it, it seemed like the end of their talk. Little did Thea know that this was merely the beginning.

“You’re not a regular here, are you?” Felicity asked, only briefly glancing away from the screen to look at the brunette before her.

“My first time here, actually. I mean, I used to live in Central City, but not anymore.”

“I’m not from around here either.”

Thea furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly to one side. “So what’s keeping you in Central?”

“My friends and thanks to my best friend I have a dream job in STAR Labs. I’ll be forever grateful for that. We actually met here for the first time. He was sitting right at this table which is why in fact, it’s my favorite.”

Thea pouted knowingly. After those words, it really couldn’t be clearer because the person in front of her wasn’t there accidentally at all. It was part of the plan. And Thea felt only a little bit annoyed. She’d been annoyed and angry for the better part of her life. She could tell when it was different without any problem. And today was that day.

“You’re Oliver’s best friend.”

Felicity actually smiled, pleased by that one sentence, and put her tablet aside. Now her eyes and all her attention were Thea’s. “And you’re his sister. Seems to me like the apple doesn’t fall far from a tree when it comes to your intellect.”

“Oliver would say it’s just common sense. Even people in Central can’t be that nice that they would sit with random strangers.”

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something he would say,” Felicity agreed and giggled. “Don’t tell me he was like this when he was just a child too.”

“Pretty much,” Thea nodded, but in reality, her inner thoughts differed. In reality, she could barely remember what Oliver had been like. She remembered bits and pieces but she’d been too small to know what exactly he used to be like. She’d just spent the whole time they’d been separated imagining what he might be like. It was like an eternity in her point of view. And now it seemed like her imaginations weren’t so far from the truth as she’d always believed. And although she would hardly confess to it, she felt sad that she hadn’t figured that out with Oliver by herself.

“You want to leave?” Felicity suddenly asked when she’d noticed the trance Thea was in.

Thea had to blink a few times to fully escape it. “Excuse me?”

Felicity managed to cast an understanding smile on her face. “Oliver told me what had happened.”

Thea sighed and smiled weakly. “Shocker.”

But Felicity ignored that and continued. “He didn’t do the selfish thing that day.”

Thea couldn’t help but scoff. Everyone around Oliver was so damn loyal to him and she couldn’t understand why. He had so much, but did he really deserve all of that?

“I would know,” Felicity confirmed firmly like her life depended on it and leaned slightly forward. “Trust me, I would. Because when I first met him here he was anything but nice. All he cared about was himself and he never dared to miss an opportunity to make me feel like I was a lesser creature. I had to put up with this ass-behavior of his for months so I know exactly what it means to be numb, careless and selfish in his book. What he did for you can’t possibly be farther from all that.”

Thea lifted her gaze and glanced at Felicity. Suddenly it felt easier. Maybe it was because the blonde’s head lowered. Thea couldn’t face her properly anymore but at the same time, she couldn’t blame her for that either. Because never in her life had she imagined that she would hear those things about Oliver.

Her brother had always been perfect. A treasure that needed to be protected at all cost because outside their family circle and Tommy, Oliver had had no one. As a child, Thea had never thought about it so much. She'd just accepted it right at the beginning, but she was too young to either mind or understand.

But throughout all these years, she'd had plenty of time to think. Oliver had always been nice to her. Sure, there were times when he would mess with her shamelessly, but he'd never been mean. To her, to Tommy, to anyone. Or at least that was what she'd always believed in. Then he'd slapped her and everything had gone to hell.

And although she was angry, part of her still hoped that he'd never stopped being so goddamn perfect as she remembered him. Because if you don't know, that's the only thing you can do, honestly. Just hope. Accepting the hard truth he might've changed completely somewhere along the way is worse anyway. Especially when you're not there to witness it yourself.

But now after what she’d heard from Barry and Felicity, she couldn’t live in denial anymore. Oliver had been bullied by those assholes in the orphanage long enough to become a bully himself. In his own damn way. And for what it was worth, it made her realize that the two of them weren’t so different after all. Because she wasn’t exactly the nicest person to be around either. What would you expect from a person who had been abandoned by the most important people in her life anyway? Growing up thinking it was all her fault had to leave some scars on her too.

And she’d known that Oliver must’ve had some scars as well. She’d just never imagined that he had more of them than her.

And maybe he didn’t have more of them. Maybe they were just easier to open and bleed again as strongly as before. Because of his damn perfect memory. It was funny. When Thea had been just a kid, she’d always envied him he could remember everything. She would’ve done anything to have a brain like his back in the day. Now she was grateful every day for being normal at least in this. That brain was as much a burden as it was a privilege. And probably the only thing that could help was to find people who would make it easier to bear.

Thea’s perspective changed so radically after this that she found herself smiling just ever so slightly. But she erased that smile quickly so Felicity wouldn’t see it. There was one thing she still didn’t understand after all.

“Then why did you stay? If you can work for STAR Labs, you can work anywhere you like so why stay? Why would you put up with him?”

Felicity wasn’t caught off guard by that question at all. She merely smiled and remembered the first time Oliver had smiled at her too. At some point, it had felt magical to her. Because she remembered that moment almost perfectly. Which was the most heartwarming thing about it. That some people mean so much to you that thanks to them you have an eidetic memory of your own. Sure, you can’t possibly remember every slight detail, but you remember how it felt and what it caused. And that is enough. Thanks to that, such moments stay with you forever because it would be a crime to let them go.

And this wasn’t the only mesmerizing memory she had of Oliver. She had plenty and each of them was a damn privilege to have. Which made all that pain worth it in the end.

“I had my reasons. I definitely didn’t want to let him win. At some point, I hated him and I wanted to show him I’m also capable. It was no longer about proving my worth to him, I didn’t care for his respect anymore, it was more about making him see that the fact he is so smart doesn’t make him perfect or untouchable. It doesn’t mean that everyone around him is stupid.”

“But there was also another reason for me to stay. Call me naive, but something was telling me he wasn’t like this simply because he wanted to. The longer I knew him, the more obvious it was how in fact he was hurting. Back then, I didn’t know anything about him. All I know now I learned from him. His eidetic memory, how he’d lost his family. All of it. Doctor Wells told me nothing. Probably because he didn’t dare to think I would be so interested to know more.”

“But Oliver bullied you, Felicity.”

Felicity pursed her lips sadly. “He did. But bullying was only one of the many bad things he’d learned as a child. You may think that the good things don’t matter anymore. Or worse that they are no longer there. But I did believe there was something more to him. I couldn’t possibly find my way to him. Not as to other people at least. Because his world is special. We all have our worlds and of course, they differ in some things, but his world is significantly different. You need to learn how it works and accept it with all its differences. Eventually, you’ll understand it too. And if you do, he will let you show him your world and before you know it, he will accept it too.”

Thea closed her eyes slowly and lowered her head. A single tear managed to stream down her face. But it was enough to make the walls she had around her crumble. It was enough to ease her rage and heighten her sorrow. And the need to have Oliver in her life as well. That had been always there. It was just hidden by the anger, but now, she felt different.

She wiped the tear away, lifted her head and looked into Felicity’s silver eyes. “But how? I don’t even know how to start.”

“Well you know Barry already and he is a better part of Oliver’s world these days,” Felicity joked and stood up. “Why don’t you go to STAR Labs with me? Only for how long you want. It might sound silly, but it’s a key to his soul. Many things that matter are there. So it’s a great start.”

Thea glanced towards the exit door of Jitters and delved into her thoughts. Into million possibilities of how it could go if she chose to go with Felicity. And although many of them ended up badly in her head, only one of them mattered in the end. Finally, the will was stronger than the fear and sorrow was stronger than rage. She didn’t want to dream about happiness anymore when it was so close to her reach.

So she stood up and nodded. And as they walked out of the coffee shop, it was true that she’d never been more nervous. And yet, she didn’t falter. She kept going. Without looking back.

 

* * *

 

When Thea laid her eyes on the building of STAR Labs, she was slightly taken aback. She’d had no expectations. She’d only known how Mercury Labs looked and now this. And if she had to choose which one looked better, Star Labs would win for sure. Her dad would hopefully never find out.

And when she entered, her amazement even heightened. She would never call herself a sci-fi fan, but only an ignorant would remain cold after seeing this. And it hadn’t ended there.

Felicity indeed showed her everything she could. Even each invention Oliver had created. And after she’d been introduced to Cisco, Caitlin, and Gideon, she couldn’t possibly be more impressed. And touched as well. Because no one needed to tell her what was obvious. This right there was Oliver’s family. And if Oliver had been exactly what Felicity had told her, then those people must’ve been something special.

At the very end, Felicity took her to Oliver and Barry’s place and Thea would lie if she claimed she didn’t find the fact that the two of them had their own place rather adorable.

And as she was admiring all the things she had no idea what were for, something happened. The very one thing that blew her mind the most that day.

Gentle tones of guitar started playing throughout the whole lab. They were far too familiar. Then the piano followed and when the voice joined too, Thea didn’t need to wonder anymore. The song called Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits was resonating from wall to wall. And although she didn’t know the lyrics completely, she remembered bits and pieces. The fact itself was enough to remind her why of all songs this one was so important. It was her mom and dad’s favorite song.

Thea had failed to notice when exactly Felicity had left her there alone. But it held no meaning. Because before she even realized it, she started silently humming the melody of the song that had stayed hidden so deeply in the core of her mind. It had cast a smile on her face.

And when it ended, she knew right away she was no longer alone. She slowly turned around and as she laid her eyes on Oliver, the calmness the song had caused vanished and the tension returned.

But then she focused her attention on the smile he was dedicating her. It wasn't wide, but timid and yet warm. She'd approached him after years of not seeing him at all and the only thing she had been capable of doing was shouting and punching him furiously. That had happened merely a day ago. Why was he smiling at her when she deserved anything but that?

"I hoped you'd remember the song."

She bit her nether lip but chuckled regardless. How could she forget? "Oh please, they were listening to it almost every day. I don't need an eidetic memory to remember that."

But her smile disappeared right away. Because it was still bothering her how little she remembered and how much she'd forgotten and missed. The fact itself would never leave her alone. And even after all this time she hadn't gotten used to it at all.

"Could we take a walk?" Oliver asked timidly.

As much as she yearned to say no, she couldn't bring herself to do it. It wasn't what her parents would've wanted. It wasn't what she wanted. And although the song she'd heard just a seconds ago was about two lovers, bits of the lyrics applied to this as well. _And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be. All I do is keep the beat, the bad company._

Could that be changed now?

She didn't know, but in the end, she nodded without realizing it and followed Oliver out of the STAR Labs. They were walking and walking and walking but not talking. All Thea could hear was her own heartbeat heightening with each second. She was losing her patience far more quickly than ever. Just because of this stupid silence. If it was making her feel only more furious with each second, why was Oliver okay with it? Why wasn't he saying anything?

Then suddenly she was the one who broke that silence eventually.

"Okay, what's your deal?"

Oliver stopped moving and furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid. You've never been good at that. You made your best friend say all those touching things about you just to get me to STAR Labs, then you played Mom and Dad's favorite song and now you ambush me with silence. Is this really your way of fixing everything?"

Oliver pressed his lips into a thin line and sighed. "Okay, first of all. I'd simply asked Felicity to somehow get you to STAR Labs, but I'd never told her how. She'd figured that out on her own apparently. And second of all... I don't actually think there are words that could accomplish that. That could fix everything."

Thea hugged herself timidly and let her head drop. But deep inside, she couldn't agree more.

"I've already told you everything I had to say, Speedy. Now I can just be there for you."

A bitter scoff escaped Thea’s mouth. “Come again? I didn’t quite get that, but then again I was never a match for you so please be more clear for my sake.”

That was right. She remembered that this was one of the many insults he had dedicated her the day they’d separated. She had no idea how it was possible. She’d been so young back then after all but she did. Every one of them. And someone with an eidetic memory and an intellect like Oliver's must’ve realized that too at some point even though he barely let it be shown.

Instead, he weakly smiled, which honestly left Thea only more bewildered. “You came to me first. You punched me multiple times, but you still came first. That’s a hell of a lot harder than making a phone call, especially when I’d had no idea you would pick it up. I think it’s pretty clear you’re more than just a match for me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know considering you were never there to prove that.”

“And I’m gonna have to live with that for the rest of my life. Even if I fixed this, it would still hunt me forever. Which is why I doubt words can do much of a help.”

“And what can help, then? Playing songs from our past? Is that your great plan?” Thea spat out, throwing her hands around, frustrated.

But Oliver refused to move. He didn’t even flinch. He’d been assaulted far too many times and in far worse ways to actually mind Thea’s strikes even though they had hurt. But showing fear now? What would be the point?

So instead he ran a hand through his hair and asked: “Did that song make you smile?”

And a small part of Thea desired nothing else than to just slap him again. Thank God it was only small. “What?”

“When I heard it for the first time after what had happened, I thought I was going to break down once again even though I’d thought I was already over that. But I didn’t. I remembered the lyrics, I could still sing it and eventually, I smiled. So... did you smile?”

Thea opened her mouth, then closed it right away. For the first time in a while, she allowed herself to think first and speak second. Or better, she made herself think and remember how it had really felt. And the results were instant. It was the ultimate truth. She just couldn't understand how it was possible Oliver still knew her so well even after all this time. Or maybe she was just way too predictable. But even if that was true, it was something she could live with. Always had been. She'd never desired to be a match for Oliver. She'd never really wanted to beat him in his games, she'd merely enjoyed when she was the one winning without fighting. So if she really was too easy to read, then so be it. She didn't give a damn. What mattered was that Oliver did.

And so she nodded and managed to form a smile right afterward. If that wasn't a progress, she wasn't sure what was. But then again she couldn't doubt it when Oliver reciprocated that smile without any hesitation. And for the first time in a while, she did feel that warmth she would feel anytime her family smiled at her. That proved only one thing - Oliver was still her family. No matter how pathetic that might sound, deep down she still held him as such. If the bond hadn't been already destroyed by all that pain and suffering as she'd thought it had been, was there a way to reach it finally after all this time?

"I missed 15 years of your life. 180 months. Which makes it 5, 475 days. Give or take," Oliver claimed and finally found the courage to take one step closer. Only a meter was now separating them and thanks to that Oliver felt less like a stranger.

Thea scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Show-off."

Oliver grinned, but pursed his lips and returned to a serious state right away. "Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Not a day goes by that I don't hate myself for it. And although I know 15 years cannot possibly be erased just like that, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you see past that. By playing old songs for you because I know that will make you smile. That's what brothers do after all, isn't it? Make their sisters smile... occasionally."

Thea didn't comment or laugh. Even after 15 years, her brother still hadn't taught himself how to be funny.

Oliver didn't let himself be bothered by that. His heart was still dominating the situation and he willingly let it. Each time it got easier. "If I've learned something after all the bad things that happened to me, it's that letting go is one of the hardest things. But still, there is something even harder."

"And what might that be?"

"Holding on to the right person. You see, I figured out how to banish everyone around me, how to make them feel contempt while thinking of me, how to keep distance. I figured out all that on my own. Nobody had to show me anything. But holding on is something that cannot be done by me alone. These past few months taught me that. You can't hold onto someone whose only desire is to let go and run away. You need them to stay by their own will. So please don't leave Central City just yet and I swear I will never leave you alone again. This world might be a cruel place, but with right people, it really isn't. Know that whatever happens, I'll listen to everything you have to say. I will always care about how much you're suffering. That is the only way I can remedy everything that's been done. And how to make it okay again."

Thea pressed her lips into a thin line and dropped her head. It was the only way how to hide tears which were trying to get out. But she didn't want to cry. She was so fed up with crying and blaming that she'd forgotten how magical it was only to smile and have hope.

And Oliver was wrong when he'd claimed words could do nothing more to help mend their bond. Words were what had started all this mess in a first place so they could also fix everything. Or at least something. Because it might've been Oliver's cruel insults that had caused her to cry that day, but it was Oliver simply not being by her side what had broken her heart.

And now they were here and Oliver was trying. He was bugging. He simply wouldn't let go. And he knew exactly what to say. He knew that if she remembered one of the insults he'd used that day, she remembered all of them. And Thea really did. That was why the words meant so much to her now. And all that was enough to finally see past that pain. It was enough to find the hope and hold onto it and never let go.

"I'd like that."

They didn't hug after that. The smiles on their faces were the only thing they were capable of giving, but for them, it couldn't be more rewarding. They'd taken a huge step today and they weren't ready to take another. Those 15 years were impossible to ignore. But although they barely knew each other, there was still something that kept their connection strong and still. Now they could make it grow.

And when Oliver returned to STAR Labs, he was still smiling. He didn't even care if someone would see him. But then it happened. His phone buzzed and reminded him how easy it was to stoop to problems once again.

"You do realize that you've never been this late, don't you?"

_"It's nice to see you care,"_ Harry replied on the other end.

"It's not like I miss you, it's just... weird. Even for you."

_"Yeah, sorry about that. But I'm actually heading out of town for some time. Family problems."_

Oliver furrowed his brows and scoffed. "Okay, that was a lie. And here I thought you were better at this. As someone who has been the definition of your family problems for 15 years, it's pretty hard to believe that. So why can't you just tell me what's really going on?" Oliver didn't even know Harry had a family beside him and Tess. Of course, he'd realized somewhere along the way, but he'd never really thought about it more. Harry hadn't talked about it after all.

_"You didn't mention Thea at all either."_

Oliver slowly blinked and sighed. It was a low blow but true nonetheless. Harry was a real master at that. Always had been. And Oliver hated him for it now more than ever.

But Oliver could bite as well. "And do you really want that sentence to be the only sincere one you told me before you left?"

The line stayed silent. The memories of Oliver's recent happiness vanished and left no trace behind. And Oliver had no idea what had gone wrong.

_"How about you handle your family problems and I handle mine? Then we can compare the score,"_ Harry eventually claimed firmly enough for Oliver to let go.

Oliver bit his nether lip. It hurt so much that one of the closest people in his life was now keeping so much distance. Harry had always done that at some point, but never in so much consistency as now. Oliver had witnessed the man stand by his side when no one else would when even Oliver hadn't wanted him to. Now the opposite was true and it was ridiculous how quickly the definition of his family problems was changing.

"Not to mention my Barry-problems."

_"Barry is family too. Another sincere sentence from me before I leave,"_ Harry pointed out, but Oliver no longer had the strength to laugh. He just weakly smiled. Thank God no one could see how strained that actually was.

"I wish that was enough, Harry."

More seconds of silence followed. Then a deep sigh could be heard and eventually, words joined too. _"Okay, listen, I'm going to be gone for only a couple of days. Weeks, tops, but when I return, I'll let you out of the dark, I promise. Was that sincere enough?"_

"Unfortunately, it's not so... you better prove me wrong."

Harry chuckled slightly on the other end of the line. _"That's one of my favorite things to do."_

Soon after that Oliver hung up, took a deep breath, but it didn't help. He didn't feel any better. Even with all he'd accomplished with Thea that day, he hadn't started feeling better for a long while. And he still had no idea what had gone wrong with both Barry and Harry. That was the most excruciating thing about it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. As I said updating is a very complicated thing, so I guess you have to be patient with me. But I hope you enjoyed the story. Here is my [tumblr](http://measurelessdreamer.tumblr.com/) if you want to come by and maybe say hi to me :). Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.


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